@zakdowntown's new mix tape is fucking IN! bit.ly/rrkDqd

Telling someone you're un-following them on Twitter is like going up to a stranger in a bar and telling them you're leaving.

Please let me know what your 24 followers say. “@milesdrury: @KFUCKINGP is awful to follow. I suggest you all stop.”

Looks like my Sunday best just got an upgrade with these dive bar shirts. spn.tw/t1sG04 RT if you'd buy a round for KP! #ad

…And yes, @ProbeStevie's pasty white ass will be in the third season! #KPISBACK

Ladies, Gentleman, Dickheads of all ages… "Eastbound & Down" returns February 19th, 2012, at 10PM - only on @HBO. #KPISBACK

You can't move the fuck on to the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the same shitty one over and over.

Sup, @amazondeals? $8.99 for a piece of my ass. Season 1: goo.gl/TtCWq Season 2: goo.gl/6kEdx

If you lined up to buy a TV at any time in the last 12 hours…You're poor.

Dive Bar shirts are a damn good idea! Now I can look in my laundry basket and see where the whole week went. #ad spn.tw/t1sG04

Thanksgiving is just another average day for a legend like me…Chin-deep in breasts, doing a ton of stuffing, and a lot of fowl language.

@AutodromoMedia Hook me up with one of your timepieces!

( o )( o )

Follow @ProbeStevie so he stops sending me fucking little text messages, begging me to ask...

Rumor has it @MrsKutcher is trying to secure "@MrsKFUCKINGP" as we speak.

Ladies eat me for dinner.

I demand a fucking recount… I went through People's 50 Sexiest and not even the last one was @ProbeStevie.

Never trust twins but never pass up the opportunity, either.

OK!!! I JUST DID IT! I have created my Q&A; feed for you all... THIS IS FOR VIP'S ONLY, THOUGH… @ProbeStevie

You'll be remembered for the fucking laws you break, not the laws you follow... So fuck some shit up.