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How to Encourage Someone to Reconsider Expressing Their Sexual Orientation
Edited by Bucky Buckport, Rob S, Jaydoubleyoubee™, Gerbo and 16 others
There are many spiritual and religious teachings that consider homosexuality immoral. While not all people do, some people who ascribe to these religious and spiritual beliefs are distraught because they find themselves in a moral conundrum when they are attracted to people of the same sex. Here are some steps that you can take in helping your friend through their situation.
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EditSteps
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1Introspect. Introspection involves observation of one's own mental processes:- Determine what motivated you. Before you try to convince anyone to reconsider any major part of their life, you must spend some time reflecting on your motivation for trying to encourage them. Many people who would try to influence their friends are motivated by hatred, self-righteousness, and selfishness. If you are motivated by any of these proceed to the next step. If you are motivated by love and a true concern for the other individual then proceed to step two.
- Reform your lifestyle. Before you proceed to try to convince anyone to change, you must reform your own lifestyle. While no one will ever be perfect, you must admit your own failures and be a humble person that continually strives to improve yourself before anyone will listen to your advice concerning their own lifestyle. If you are not willing to change and fix your own problems, then you cannot expect others to respect your advice concerning their lifestyle.
- Learn to be motivated by love. Practice loving everyone around you. Reflect on your life and examine what motivates you day to day. When you do something, start to think about how your actions will affect those around you, and start acting in consideration of others before yourself. When you start to do this, and you can honestly say that it is out of a great love for your friend that you want to encourage them to reconsider whether or not they are homosexual, then you are ready for the next step - otherwise, return to the step "reform your lifestyle".
- Consider that it may be you in the wrong. Use your imagination and immerse yourself in their way of thinking, leaving behind any prejudices or pre-conceptions you may have. Try to learn and grow. They may have something good to teach you. Treat it as an exercise in the expansion of your understanding of humanity and love. Tolerance is the key.
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2Determine your friend's moral standings:- Determine your friend's moral beliefs. Ask your friend if he or she has a moral problem or internal conflict with their sexuality. If your friend believes what he or she is doing is wrong then proceed to step "Encourage". If your friend is totally accepting of their sexuality, proceed to step "Live as an Example".
- Live as an example. If your friend is totally accepting of his or her lifestyle and does not believe that he or she is wrong, then chances are that your friend does not ascribe to the same set moral principle that you do. If you try convince this friend, you will make no progress because the two of you do not share similar beliefs. Take time to inform your friend of your beliefs, but do not focus on the aspect of your beliefs that teaches that homosexuality is immoral (they probably already know about this). Ask your friend to join you in times of worship or continue to talk to him about your beliefs, and if your beliefs are credible and powerful enough to them, then eventually your friend may begin to see that there are areas in his or her life that need to change (it may not start with sexuality). Continue to be there for your friend and he or she may eventually make a decision to change his lifestyle; if not, understand that you cannot control their decisions and continue to be their friend.
- Encourage. If your friend is convicted that what he or she is doing is wrong, then your main role is that of encouragement. All people have shortcomings and if your friend struggles with sexuality, continue to encourage them. Do not condemn your friend for his or her failings and ask your friend to look at other areas of life that they may feel they need to reform. Encourage your friend to pray or meditate more and to read scriptures more. An increased dedication in a faith may help your friend find some solace.Reconciling both faith and sexual orientation can be a good thing. It's a big wide world with many people in it. Isn't there room for everything?
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3Love your friend without regard to their decision. Ultimately your friend is free to make his or her own decisions. Continue to be his or her friend. At that point he or she will already know that you do not agree with his or her lifestyle, but if you continue to love your friend unconditionally, you will allow yourself to continue acting as a positive and loving influence in his or her life. And after all, that's what life and love are all about.Ad
EditWarnings
- Before you try any of this, know what you believe and why you believe it. Being a close friend to people who consistently live contrary to your moral code can cause you to abandon your own morals over time. We are living in a post-modern world where moral relativism is the norm, and many people condemn moral absolutists. Do not compromise your own beliefs out of compassion for your friends. If you really believe something is right or wrong, do not allow others to convince you that it is only right or wrong for you, when you really believe it is right or wrong for all. It is possible to continue to truly love someone while still believing that they are living in a way contrary to your moral code. It is better to agree to disagree than to compromise your morals.
- Never use any of your views, whether religious or not, to make a homosexual feel that they are evil, or untouchable. If you truly want to understand them as people, you will need to approach the subject with an open mind. Disapproving of the sin should not make you hate the person who you believe to be sinning.
