Tihkal Full Book

THE CONTINUATION
Alexander Shulgin

Ann Shulgin

TRANSFORM PRESS

Copyright © 1997 by Alexander Shulgin and Ann Shulgin. Printed in the United States of America. Parts of the Introduction were first published as "A New Vocabulary" in Entheogens and the Future of Religion, © 1997 by the Council on Spiritual Practices. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without written permission. For information, contact: TRANSFORM PRESS P.O. BOX 13675 BERKELEY, CA 94712 Additional copies may be purchased for $28.50 ($24.50 plus $4.00 postage and handling). California residents add $2.02 State sales tax. Edited by Dan Joy Cover by Pamela Engebretson Project Coordinator: Wendy Perry First Edition ISBN 0-9630096-9-9

trypt-amine \ 'trip-ta-,meh \ n. [tryptophan fr. tryptic, fr. trypsin, fr. Gk. tryein, to wear down (from its occurrence in pancreatic juice as a proteolytic enzyme) + amine fr. NL ammonia] 1: A naturally occurring compound found in both the animal and plant kingdoms. It is an endogenous component of the human brain. 2: Any of a series of compounds containing the tryptamine skeleton, and modified by chemical constituents at appropriate positions in the molecule.

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TABLE OF CONTENTS
Definition Table of Contents Foreword Note to Reader Comments on the Title Preface Introduction BOOK 1 — The Story Continues Part One: ADVENTURES AND MISADVENTURES 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 Invasion Lourdes The Dred and Other Learning Experiences The Brazil Caper 'Shrooms PanSoph 2 Stamps Leningrad Letters La Ruta del Bakalao 3 39 48 64 112 125 136 142 148 v vii ix xiii xiv xvi xviii

Part Two: PSYCHEDELICS AND PERSONAL TRANSFORMATION 10
11

Places in the Mind
Sex, Drugs and the Older Players

159
192

12 13 14

The Lioness and the Secret Place Flashbacks The Intensive

195 204 209

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Part Three: TRYPTAMINA BOTANICA
15 16 17 DMT is Everywhere Hoasca vs. Ayahuasca MGS 247 285 310

Part Four: TIME AND TRANSFORMATION 18 19 20 What Big Bang? Three Photographs Designer Drugs 317 328 336

Part Five: DRUGS AND POLITICS 21 22 23 24 Could We? Should We? Barriers to Research Who is John Jones? Cui Bono? 344 346 359 365

EPILOGUE 25 Galileo BOOK II — The Chemistry Continues Index Tryptamines 389 385

391 APPENDICES

Appendix A: Appendix B: Appendix C:

Bill of Rights Current Drug Law Glossary

590 592 600

Appendix D: Appendix E: Appendix F: Appendix G: Appendix H: Appendix I:

Acknowledgments Cactus Alkaloids Carbolines Histamines Known Tryptamines Long Index to Book II

612 645 682 722 728 774

and eventually married. the structures and syntheses of nearly 200 chemical compounds were given in "recipe" form followed in most cases by brief evaluations of their psychic or physical effects by self-experimentation on the part of various anonymous volunteers.Foreword ix FOREWORD In 1991 an unusual book with an unusual title first began to circulate among an unusual set of people: those convinced that there were significant psychological and spiritual benefits to be derived from the use of psychedelic drugs. In Book II of PIHKAL. which explains the acronym in the title: Phenethylamines I Have Known And Loved. Here the natural products chemist can enjoy a delightful ramble through the astonishing diversity of creatures — from fungi and frogs to flowers — which contain DMT or its chemical near cousins. but the compounds of its Part II now fall into that other structural class to which almost all the remaining psychedelics belong. In TIHKAL. Like all good love stories. the civil libertarian may find reason to fear that something much like state-sanctioned religious persecution has found a foothold in this free . The psychopharmacologist can wonder if a clue to the auditory hallucinations so typical of schizophrenia can be found in the unique activity of DIPT. Ann and Alexander (Sasha) Shulgin (under the pseudonymous cloak of Alice and Shura) met. The compounds of PIHKAL's Book II are all in the class known as phenethylamines. consisted of two parts: Book I included a number of first-hand accounts of the use of a dozen or so psychedelics with enough detail for the reader to get a good feeling for the set and setting. loved. sadly. The present book is based on the same format. Woven in with this was the story of how the authors. TIHKAL stands for Tryptamines I Have Known And Loved. the human love triangle is no longer present. with whom Shura was initially involved. eventually fades into the permanent past tense. and so the first half of the book consists rather of a rich smorgasbord of narratives and essays concerning the origins and uses of psychedelics. And. the tryptamines. a triangular suspense resolves when a German woman. PIHKAL: A Chemical Love Story. A Jungian psychotherapist will be challenged by Alice's stories of the gentle synergism exercised by a skilled therapist and the entactogen MDMA.

or even anger. blossoming as she did into a sensitive and effective psychedelic psychotherapist. "Drugs and Drug Dependency" seemed a course title sexy enough to keep them awake for a few hours a week. A decade ago. I earned my doctorate in synthetic organic chemistry from the University of Illinois at Chicago.") Yet it is a scene of domestic contentment. Soon I had some rough class notes. one who has a parent's — even a lover's — tenderness and affection for the structures he dreams of and creates. with lurid hallucinations. when I was working and preparing substances. eternal hostility against every form of tyranny over the mind of man. and knew nothing about psychedelic drugs except what the media told me: that they induced a bizarre state of mind much like madness. (The choir will not object.) First let me say that from my 18th year to my 50th. I was a member of the Jesuits. I led a fairly sheltered life during the revolutionary days of the 60's and 70's. that people foolish enough to toy with these drugs would find themselves tormented by unpredictable and incapacitating episodes of recurrent flashbacks for the rest of their lives. But the process of seriously researching the . let me try to speak to them. After a few years there. and came to Loyola College in Maryland.x TIHKAL — The Continuation country whose charter was penned by those who swore. I thought I would try to work up some more interesting topics for the "baby chem" course our non-science majors are required to take at Loyola College." And yet the chemical love story continues for. Pharmacology. some four years ago. (Those familiar with the story of Albert Hofmann's discovery of LSD will be reminded of his feeling that "from the very beginning" he had "thought this substance was something special. As one who not long ago was himself among the doubters. But I have been preaching to the choir — musing with those who have known of the long gestation period of TIHKAL and who are now finally able to satisfy their curiosity. Most readers of this book will likely belong to that unusual set mentioned above who need no convincing of the value of psychedelic drugs. shock. There will be others — not in the choir. not even in the congregation of true believers — who will greet this book's birthing with bafflement. throughout. "upon the altar of God. for they love hearing again and again the familiar story of repentance and conversion. and before long I had a contract from the American Chemical Society to write a book stressing the history and human context of these fascinating chemicals. a tranquil menage à trois — for Alice developed her own chemical love affair. The book appeared in 1996 under the title The Chemistry of Mind-Altering Drugs: History. and Cultural Context. It was just a feeling I had. Shura is a chemist of the old school. a Roman Catholic religious order of brothers and priests (I was ordained in 1974).

And thus it was that when I read the accounts of the psychedelic experiences of Aldous Huxley. Huston Smith — (the list seemed endless) — the tales were all quite familiar. Baltimore. sacraments — needs to be researched with all the energy and intelligence that mankind has ever devoted to any pursuit. and hopelessness of our world — a world which foolishly fancies itself so advanced. Richards. my conversion was complete. Alan Watts. headed by Dr. Gordon Wasson. Providentially. to my astonishment." We also had a reasonably extensive training in pastoral counseling and psychotherapy. And so I return to the comforting faces of the choir. Walter Houston Clark.Foreword xi actual scientific and literary record of these substances had greatly changed my opinions about many things." We made two or more 30-day retreats during the course of our formation. by the ingestion of mescaline. Albert Kurland. in souls suitably disposed. I was in the very city. psilocybin. Yensen. and at worst it was the first step on the path towards a police state. Henry Osmond. but no one could doubt that these people were encountering the classic phenomenon itself — powerfully catalyzed. only courageous and experienced shamans and seekers like those in Shura's group will be able to tell the true from the counterfeit gold. But it was in the area of the psychedelics where my existing opinions were most challenged. They need no persuading that an animal model cannot ever determine whether a subtle yet profound alteration of consciousness has taken place. After many a revelatory conversation here in Baltimore with Drs. And they need no persuading that much of the depression. a world which . to such higher states as the "prayer of silence. or LSD. Bill Wilson. despair. I think that I can justly say that I have a fairly deep acquaintance with the Western tradition in meditation and mysticism. but is in so many ways cut off from the human depths which were the everyday richness of "primitive" societies. Kurland. and yearly 8-day retreats. For example. and we were expected to discuss our developing prayer life regularly with a "spiritual father. I became convinced that the War on Drugs was at best as counterproductive as Prohibition had been. where one of the largest psychedelic treatment centers had been located — at Spring Grove Psychiatric Center. Skeptics might doubt the validity or significance of religious experience in general. not only as a subject of academic inquiry but in particular as a lifetime practice: Jesuits in my generation were required to spend an hour daily in meditation which was expected to lead. (I see they are singing Hallelujah! Another soul come Home!) They need no persuading that this class of drugs — nay. and Dryer. as with many of those who have studied drug policy. scientific or religious. And I was the more astonished when I found the equally extensive and equally credible account of the use of these sub- stances as adjuvants to psychotherapy.

Maryland .A. You will never be forgotten! Daniel M.xii TIHKAL — The Continuation wearily turns to a new millennium after completing the most murderous and barbarous century of its history — might find solace and peace through the wise and compassionate use of these entheogens.Div. M.. Ph. Perrine. We are a small congregation. Sasha and Ann. Baltimore.. but in our hearts there echoes a warm service of praise and thanksgiving to you for all you have done. Associate Professor of Chemistry Loyola College. M.D.

Note to the Reader

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NOTE TO THE READER
With this book, TIHKAL, we are making available a body of information concerning the conception, synthesis, definition, and appropriate use of certain consciousness-changing chemical compounds which we are convinced are valuable tools for the study of the human mind and psyche. At the present time, restrictive laws are in force in the United States

and it is very difficult for researchers to abide by the regulations which govern efforts to obtain legal approval to do work with these compounds in human beings. Consequently there has been almost no clinical research conducted in this area for about thirty years. However, animal studies can be done by the approved and qualified scientist who finds sources of research funding and who appeals to and obtains his supplies of drugs from an appropriate government agency, such as the National Institute for Drug Abuse. Some of the stories in Book I are fiction. Over half of the recipes in Book II of TIHKAL have been taken from the chemical literature. Some of these have been published with Shulgin as an author. The remaining recipes appear here for the first time in print. No one who is lacking legal authorization should attempt the synthesis of any of the compounds described in the second half of this book, with intent to give them to man. To do so is to risk legal action which might lead to the tragic ruination of a life. It should also be noted that any person anywhere who experiments on himself, or on another human being, with any one of the drugs described herein, without being familiar with that drug's action and aware of the physical and / or mental disturbance or harm it might cause, is acting irresponsibly and immorally, whether or not he is doing so within the bounds of the law. We strongly urge that a continuing effort be made by those who care about freedom of inquiry and the search for knowledge to work toward changes in the present drug laws, particularly in the United States. Open inquiry and creative exploration of this important area of research must be not only allowed but encouraged. It is essential that our present negative propaganda regarding psychedelic drugs be replaced with honesty and truthfulness about their effects, both good and bad. There is much that we need to understand about the human psyche, and this book is dedicated to the pursuit of that understanding.

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TIHKAL — The Continuation

COMMENTS ON THE TITLE
The first offering of this two-volume combination was called PIHKAL, which was constructed as an acronym for the true title, Phenethylamines I Have Known and Loved. From this we should have learned a lesson. Other than comments and discussions concerning how it should be pronounced (we like pee-cal but pickle is sometimes heard) the most frequent question that Ann and I were asked was a painfully obvious one, "What is a phenethylamine?" The answer was written out as a dictionary-like definition but, as far as I know, no one except a chemist ever truly understood that title. And here is TIHKAL (pronounced tee-cal) representing Tryptamines I Have Known and Loved. We can anticipate the question now, "What is a tryptamine?" Or a yet more difficult problem intrinsic to the use of the plural, "What are tryptamines?" Let me start with the term expressed in the singular. How does one define a tryptamine to a non-chemist? Probably in exactly the same way you would define it for a chemist, except that you wouldn't use the technical jargon words that only a chemist would understand. Let's try it in everyday English words. Tryptamine is a chemical. What is a chemical? It can be a solid thing such as crystal, a powder or a chunk of stuff which can be hard or soft or brittle. It can be any color from white to black, and anything in-between. Or it can be a liquid or something wet, maybe a wax or soap, or maybe fluid and runny. It may even be volatile. Or it can be gas which will tend to fill the space around you. These gases are usually without color, but there are exceptions which are brown or green or yellow. Some gases have no smell; others can be pretty rich. A chemical can display any of these forms. In short, a chemical is something tangible, and can be a solid or a liquid or a gas. Most important, it is a single and homogeneous thing. Salt, for example, is something pure because no matter how you divide it, grind it up, pick it apart, sift or size it, the resulting solids are always exactly the same. It happens to be a white crystalline material in the form of cubes with a very high melting point and very water soluble. Tryptamine is a white crystal that is in the form of needles with a rather low melting point and is not soluble in water. These are two of the over ten million compounds that

Comments on the Title

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are known today. Tryptamines is a collective term that includes many compounds, not only tryptamine itself but any of the many derivatives of it that can be formed by putting some atoms, or a group of atoms, somewhere on the structural skeleton.

A few score of the more interesting ones are the stuff of the second
part of TIHKAL and are individually described as to both chemistry and pharmacology. A great many more are gathered in the Appendix E. These

are known compounds and all are potentially active CNS agents. Within the
last year I saw two T-shirts bearing messages, clearly directed to these areas of interest. One: "Reality is for those who can't handle drugs;" the other: "So many drugs, so little time." Either one could be worn with pleasure. I wonder if I am now old enough to put them on?

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PREFACE
Returning from a conference on ecstasy, I sat next to a respected toxicologist who works for the British government. Eventually our conversation came round to the impending publication of this book. "It would be a complete disaster," he said. "A whole lot of new drugs would be released for which no tests exist and hundreds of new precursors would have to be controlled... The situation would become completely out of control. Publication must be prevented." But how? "I know the Americans have their First Amendment and all that, but when it comes to something important like this there are always ways." With that he ended the conversation and I was left haunted with images of government men setting up "accidents" for Sasha and Ann. Completely out of control! Yes, this book not only reveals how psychoactives can be synthesized, but also how they can be extracted from so many ordinary plants that the means for psychedelic exploration can never be controlled again. The genie is out of the bottle and all the king's horses and all the king's men cannot put it back again. What is the need for control? My traveling companion was concerned about the waste of public money on law enforcement, the hampering of industry through restrictions on precursors and the overloading of medical services with extra problems. But perhaps there is a more fundamental reason for the establishment to discourage the use of psychedelics. A recent article by an Oxford professor of pharmacology refers to psychedelic experiences as "distorted sensations" and suggests that the real danger of psychoactive drugs is that they may profoundly and permanently alter the brain, ending with the warning: "Blowing one's mind may be literally just that." To call psychedelic experiences "distorted" is the judgment of a sober, logical and materialistic thinker. However, a person under the influence of a psychedelic drug may well regard ordinary perception as severely limited, and therefore a distortion of the truth. I believe that the problem is one of language: words belong to our normal consciousness and are inadequate to describe another. Conventional scientists cannot afford to accept the existence of other

Preface

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realities without undermining their own premises. In spite of having

achieved so much, science has failed to explain consciousness, and cannot even accept the validity of many important aspects of human existence, such as religion, 'life force' or love. Only by keeping "the doors of perception" safely closed can accepted science be kept intact. Yet science is the exploration of nature, and should not be restricted just to avoid upsetting the status quo. What this book achieves is profound. The information contained here provides a stepping stone for explorers of the spiritual side of our existence. A time will come when the legal and social taboos against psychedelic research will dissolve, and scientists will use this pioneering book to help them explore the uncharted territories of existence and the presently forbidden zones of the mind and life itself.
Nicholas Saunders 14 Neal's Yard, London
Nicholas Saunders writes books on ecstasy and the spiritual use of psychoactive drugs.

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INTRODUCTION
WHY I DO WHAT I DO
Somewhere back in the early 1980's I was asked to come down to the University of California campus at Santa Barbara and give an address to a conference that was being put together by a small group of students. My attention was caught by the unusual fact that the whole meeting was to be devoted to the topic of psychedelic drugs. How does a student group at a major campus of the University of California manage to sponsor and widely advertise a symposium in a politically dicey area such as this? I remembered a parallel occasion a number of years before this, when arrangements were made for a conference to be held on the Berkeley campus of the University of California, on the subject of LSD. As the date came closer and closer, apparently the tension felt by some of the faculty sponsors became intolerable. Pressure was being brought upon the organizers to cancel the meeting, to move it somewhere else, to make sure that So-and-so did not show up, to limit the advertising, and to separate the University name from it. A marvelous show of shared paranoia. Small events, such as the scribbling of the words Jew! Jew! Jew! on one of the announcement placards on the Berkeley campus (reputedly by a faculty member in the department of Psychology who had gone over the edge) encouraged the search for some alternate location. This was found in the University Extension Building, on Laguna Street in San Francisco. Oh my, that was a memorable event. There were some dozen speakers and luminaries on the stage, several hundred very hip student and Haight Ashbury types in the audience, and five or six "suits" with white shirts and ties, walking back and forth in the outer aisles, continuously taking pictures of everything and everybody, presumably with high-speed film. I can't find my notes from this LSD conference, so I can only comment on a scene or two taken from memory. One of the original invitees was Allen Ginsberg, but part of the compromise that had been struck to allow the show to proceed (besides moving it to San Francisco) was to dis-invite Ginsberg, and to invite the State Attorney General (I believe his name was Younger) to speak to the group, presumably about the legal

Introduction
aspects of drug use. By luck I caught a fascinating scene on the East porch of the auditorium. Ginsberg was jumping up and down, fists clenched in front of him, shouting directly at the AG who was facing him, "Eichmann, Eichmann, Eichmann!" And the look on the face of the Attorney General said quite clearly that he did not understand. In the opening address, an announcement was made to the congregation that Ginsberg had originally been invited (applause) but that orders had come down that he was not to appear on the stage as a participant (booing), but that now he could be on the stage as an observer and any comments he chose to make would be in this new role (wild applause). This gives the flavor of the

xix

meeting. In my memory the AG did not give a talk. The evening sound show had the oil and colored filter light projections that were popular at the time, and the smell of pot was everywhere. Tim Leary was everybody's hero, and where he went, there followed a dedicated band of groupies. Needless to say, this was the last of any such conferences to be associated with the Berkeley campus. But here was an invitation to something similar, at the somewhat more laid-back Santa Barbara campus of U.C. I was intrigued and curious, so I accepted. My host was Robert Gordon-McCutcheon, an honor student in the area of religious philosophy. He had indicated that there would be a large audience of interested students and that I would be welcome with whatever I chose to say. Which is, after all, a very seductive invitation. But then, I also remembered the disastrous LSD meeting in San Francisco, where the invited speakers were not particularly welcomed by their academic hosts, and went back home with a few psychic scars. So I figured, a bit of an academically kosher image would be a superb defense against such a challenge! I'd play it with that thought in mind. I have a few vivid memories of some of the preliminaries to this conference. There was a meeting of many of the invited dignitaries at a private home up in the hills behind Santa Barbara. Alice and I went by car and found ourselves walking through a broad patio and into an equally broad living room, with maybe forty people sitting around in a three-deep circle. We were the unknowns, so we snuggled against a wall, behind a forward barricade of eager souls. First this, and then that, well-known person was introduced. Some names we recognized, but there was no opportunity to meet and talk with any of them. There was some hope expressed that this conference might serve as the launching pad for a revival of the psychedelic movement. This gentleman over here would write the definitive essay. That lady over there would contact her publishing agent to assure that this meeting would be recorded in history. Yet another person, over yonder, would serve as the press agent to document — through a radio interview

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tomorrow — the earth-shaking impact of this gathering of the elite. Alice and I left after a little while. There was, indeed, a radio interview the next day. I sat in a small office with some half dozen notables of whom I can recall only Tim Leary. He was really all that was needed for bringing public attention to the meeting, and I was freed of having to answer anything, or even to speak to anyone. I left quietly, as I had agreed to a separate public encounter, a seminar at the U.C.S.B. Chemistry Department. This was one of the academic glue pieces that allowed the organizers to lend the term "scientific" to the conference. The University Administration could call upon the fact that there had been a Research Seminar in the Graduate School of Chemistry as a corollary to this "Psychedelic Meeting." See! It all was really proper and legitimate! But things were not that smooth within the Chemistry Department

itself. The inviting professor did not know me, or of me, and assumed that
he would have to be host to some loose cannon who would be espousing drug use and drug abuse. With some misgivings he allowed the posting of the seminar, and was relieved to discover that there was to be an unprecedented turnout of graduates and undergraduates at the lecture. I was on my very best behavior, and gave a manic but scientifically impeccable presentation of the origins, syntheses, and possible mechanisms of action of compounds in the area of neurotransmitter agonists. It was one hundred percent kosher, filled with SN-2 reaction mechanisms and accurately drawn chemical structures, which I call "dirty pictures." It was a resounding success, and perhaps lent a bit of support to the organizers of the actual

conference itself. All I can remember concerning the putting together of this talk for the conference was sitting in the lab in the Life Science Building on the U.C. Campus, in the Department of Criminology, typing away on an old typewriter as my way of organizing the flow of what I wished to say. It was single spaced on yellow paper. I remember that I was not completely sure myself just why I did what I did, but that's what I wanted to express. Maybe if I were left alone for a couple of hours I might find the answer. Although I really didn't know ahead of time what I wanted to say, it came together as I wrote, and I ended up with an outline which I was sure would be okay. The talk would be a bit revealing for a person who had, up to then, kept a pretty low profile, but I was ready to catch a few people's attention. This is what I said almost twenty years ago, and it still speaks for me now.

Introduction

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DRUGS OF PERCEPTION
When I was first asked by Robert Gordon-McCutcheon to come here tonight and talk about whatever I wished in the area of the psychedelic drugs, my first inclination was to decline. After all, I am a student of chemistry and pharmacology, not of philosophy or religion, and I felt that I had contributed as much as I could at last year's meeting, with a review of the correlation between chemical structure and psychological activity. But my wife intervened: "Why not tell them just why you do the work you do?" This launched me onto an interesting question. Just why have I, for the last twenty-five years or so, conducted a persistent search into the design, the preparation, and the evaluation of new and different psychotropic drugs, be they hallucinogenic, psychedelic, dissociative, or merely intoxicating? The flippant answer was right there at hand: one does it because it is there to be done. Like the answer to the question, "Why do you climb Mt. Everest?" "Because it's there." But that is not the reason that I conduct the research I do. Whenever this question would come up during a seminar or panel appearance within the academic environment, I would place special emphasis on the word, "psychotomimetic," a term often applied by the scientific community to refer to the psychedelic drugs. In its origin, it is a blend of the prefix, "psychoto," from psychosis, and "mimesis," meaning to imitate. Thus, the term described one of the earliest properties assigned to these materials — that they could, to some measure, duplicate the symptoms of mental illness and, as such, might serve as exploratory tools in the study of some forms of psychosis and sensory disorder. As an explanation of why I do what I do, this was both systematic and safe. The explanation is systematic in that most of the many psychedelics that are known, currently about two hundred, can be classified by their structural backbone into two groups, one of them called the phenethylamines, and the other called the tryptamines. In the phenethylamine group, there are fifty or so relatives of mescaline, and an equal number of methyl homologues with the chemical chain of amphetamine. In the tryptamine group there is yet an equal number again, some of them quite simple with varying ring, chain, or nitrogen substitution patterns; some of them are condensed into yet more complex structures such as the b-carbolines (for example, harmaline) and the ergolines (for example, LSD). The two principal neurotransmitters in the brain just happen to be a

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phenethylamine (dopamine) and a tryptamine (serotonin). Thus, there is encouragement to the neuroscientists to search for some neurotransmitter mismanagement, using the psychedelic drugs as chemically related probes. This explanation is safe, because it is unthreatening and easily accepted by the academic community as well as by those who must decide who will receive government grants. But it's not the truth. My work is indeed dedicated to the development of tools, but tools for quite a different purpose. Let me lay a little background to establish a framework for these tools, in part to define them, and in part to give emphasis to the urgency that I feel is associated with them. I firmly believe that there is a most remarkable balance being maintained between all aspects of the human theater. When there seems to be the development of a move that-a-way, there springs forth a compensatory and balancing development that effects a move this-a-way. If there must be a dichotomization of concepts into "good" and "evil," then the balance is maintained by the good containing a small but real quantity of unexpressed evil, and the evil containing a corresponding amount of unexpressed good. Within the human mind there must co-exist the Eros, the life-loving and self-perpetuating force, with the Thanatos, which is defined as "the death instinct, especially as expressed in violent aggression." Both are present in each of us, but they are usually separated from our awareness by the difficult-to-penetrate wall of the unconscious. One definition of the tools I seek is that they should be words in a vocabulary, a vocabulary that might allow each human being to more consciously — and more clearly — communicate with the interior of his own mind and psyche. This might be called a vocabulary of awareness. A person who becomes increasingly aware of, and so begins to acknowledge, the existence of the two opposite contributors to his motives and decisions, may begin to make choices that are knowledgeable. And the learning path

that follows such choices is the path to wisdom. Just as there is a need for balance within the individual mind, there is an interesting parallel in society. Look for a few minutes at the record, the coincidences in history that have kept our human race in precarious balance. Throughout the early centuries of this current millennium, there were carried out some of the most viciously inhumane wars known to man, all in the name of religion. The horrors of the Inquisition, with its lethal intolerance of dissent (called heresy) are well documented. And yet, it was during those dark years that the structure of alchemy was established, to acquire knowledge through the study of matter. The oft-quoted goal of the transmutation of lead into gold was not what was being sought. The value of the quest was in the doing and re-doing, and yet again re-doing, the

and that of the psychopharmacological. landscapes. and power that comes with that recognition.. all show that same yin-yang structure of good and evil. We have been taught to say that the fruits of science are devoid of ethics or morality. a union between the physical and spiritual worlds. together with the wealth. this learning process has evolved into what we now call "science. Later on. and with that. producing areas of light and color on the platinocyanide-covered plate. In the last 100 years or so. at 11:45 AM on the 23rd of November. Antoine Henri Becqueril found that these same metal-penetrating emanations. without the "mine is good." But with this evolution there has been a gradual shift from the process itself to the results of the process. following the ingestion of 150 milligrams: "From time to time." Mescaline had been discovered. And of course that there is no meaning to the idea of a need for maintaining some sort of balance. the "gold" that really matters. 1897. And the next year. and that there is no intrinsic good or evil in the objective world of academic scientific inquiry. in 1895. As Heffter wrote in his notes. and yours is evil" duality that was soon to come. halls. these end-results. the recognition by the outside world. Wilheim von Roentgen observed that. Louis Lewin. But. involving radiation. in 1896. but the final achievement that brings one the acknowledgment of one's peers.. involving psychotropic materials — continued to develop without any clear sense of polarity. Germany." brought to the western world by the irrepressible pharmacologist. architectural scenes also appeared . still.Introduction xxiii processes of distillation and sublimation and a more exact understanding of these processes that there might emerge a synthesis. I would like to illustrate some rather incredible coincidences of timing. But these achievements. a nearby plate covered with an unusual inorganic film emitted a visible glow. It was the doing and the re-doing that was its own reward. . This has been our history for the past centuries. In this current age of science. dots with the most brilliant colors floated across the field of vision. with each containing a bit of the other. Radioactivity had been discovered. when electricity was applied to an evacuated tube that contained certain gases. influence. But it was just the following year in Leipzig. It is no longer the search itself or the learning. During the 1920's and 1930's. that Arthur Heffter consumed an alkaloid that he had isolated from the "dumpling cactus. Radioactivity and radiation were becoming mainstays in medicine. were being emitted from uranium. it is only the end-result. For example. both worlds — that of the physical sciences. It was the learning of the discipline that established the vital balance in each individual alchemist.

alternating. Albert Hofmann at the Sandoz Research Laboratory in Switzerland somehow absorbed an unknown amount of a chemical that he had made some five years earlier. In late 1942. and had just resynthesized. There was another coincidence of timing. but its general character can be summarized as an increase of interest in the spiritual aspect of man and a desire for greater understanding of the human psyche. and subsequently reported: ". with the virtually limitless potential of fusion energy. opening and closing themselves in circles and spirals . for the first time ever. and the basis of experimental psychology was laid down in the pioneering studies of Pavlov.. that occurred during World War II. The age of "unlimited power. Enrico Fermi and several other scientists at the University of Chicago demonstrated.. variegated.. Dr. that nuclear fission could be achieved and controlled by man. it was the rich promise of the nuclear age. that carried the banner of the hopes of mankind. Controlled and localized radiation could destroy malignant tissue. But still. then. Kaleidoscopic. I began to enjoy the unprecedented colors and plays of shapes that persisted. There was a disturbing awareness of restlessness and dizziness that lasted a couple of hours. with country after country joining the fraternity of those skilled in the capacity for eradicating the human species.. when an imbalance develops. first with the power of fission and later.. The next year. The theories of Freud and Jung were being developed into increasingly useful clinical approaches to mental illness. What had been seen as tools for the study of psychosis (at best) or escapist self-gratification (at worst) — the . Three days later.. at 4:20 PM on the 19th of April. which in retrospect was the beginning of the division of science onto two diverging pathways. The knowledge of nuclear fission and fusion took on a death-loving aspect in the minds of the public. the counterpart evolved on many fronts. as I said earlier. And in the area of psychology. and generally negative. The area of the hallucinogens was categorized as being psychotomimetic (psychosis-imitating)." LSD had also been discovered. It was not until sometime in the 1960's that a strange and fascinating reversal of roles took place. while sparing the host. But. (after the crisis of confusion and despair).xxiv TIHKAL — The Continuation X-ray photography was invaluable in diagnosis. and radium therapy was broadly used in treatment. he took a measured dose. there were parallel developments. on April 16. fantastic images surged in on me. 250 micrograms. In this case. and freedom from dependency on our dwindling fossil reserves" had begun. there seems to spring forth a compensatory counterpart. and up until the last decade. in many forms.

instincts and learned patterns which make up the interior universe of the human being. some development must occur at the Eros side of our psyche which will afford the learning of how to live with that perpetual knowledge. a way to share knowledge which has traditionally been called "occult. fears. emotions and energies which will determine how we eventually use our new scientific knowledge. This kind of learning was expected. the monasteries or sacred kivas. not just one race or culture. to produce healers and community leaders of uncommon wisdom." or "hidden. the complex balancing of drives. biology. teachers or spiritual guides who had earned their way to it. in the last few decades. Those special individuals were taken into temples of learning.Introduction xxv psychedelic drugs — were increasingly viewed. Much has been discovered about the brain. intuitive people who would become students or disciples. it is essential that we begin to develop a way of exploring and understanding those forces within our unconscious selves which will inevitably make those decisions. . What we do not allow ourselves to confront and acknowledge consciously may kill. These explosions of knowledge about the nature of the physical world have not had their necessary and vital counterpart in an increased understanding of the human psyche. We would have reason to anticipate an eventual growth in understanding of the nature of consciousness and the unconscious. If we had the time that our ancestors had. In their hands was the responsibility of choosing the gifted. However. this level of knowledge was considered the private preserve of those shamans. in time. the secret lodges. as tools of enlightenment and spiritual transformation. the energies. There has been no leap forward in our comprehension of those unconscious archetypes." Until our time. We need a way to communicate experiences of the deeper parts of ourselves. It is the communication between these two sides of the human mind that requires a new vocabulary. but ALL of us. developments in physics. to be gradually led into explorations of the spiritual world and an increased understanding of their own unconscious landscapes. a vocabulary of insight and awareness. into the pyramids. Since almost all discoveries about the physical world can be used for both benign and lethal purposes. but not about the mind. mathematics and information distribution have occurred at a speed never before seen in human history. we could expect to see a gradual increase in the number of people aware of the inner workings. by large numbers of young adults in the western world. electronics. Now that mankind's Thanatos has been entrusted with the in perpetuo knowledge of how we can completely destroy ourselves and this extraordinary experiment in life and love. chemistry.

they cannot be used for learning and growth by everyone. teaching degenerates into admonition and threat. When it is kept in balance with its several complementary energies. it gives us form. mutually respectful communication between the leaders of the world's countries. and too much energy flows from this archetype. as is the case. As in the past. that aspect of the human psyche which drives to structure. structure becomes constriction. It is in the crafting of these essential tools that I feel my skills lie. which means that an explorer must learn how to most safely and successfully make his way through each new inner landscape. but from the mind and psyche of the person using the compound. either for ourselves individually or for our species. control. and this is exactly why I do the work I do. Every such drug opens a door within the user. emperors and presidents. This takes time and should be done with the guidance of a veteran explorer. There is no single drug or dosage level that will benefit all explorers equally. But when the precarious balance is shifted. the people who lead us are fueled by the archetype of power. And it cannot be said too often that what is being experienced in the use of a psychedelic drug or visionary plant does not come from the ingested chemical components. Priests and kings. we have not blown ourselves into oblivion or destroyed our species with biological warfare. All of the above cautions aside. these tools — the psychedelic drugs and plants — offer a much faster method than most of the classic alternatives for the accomplishment of the goals we seek: conscious awareness of our interior workings and greater clarity as to our responsibilities towards our own species and all others with whom we share this planet. and formulate rules and systems. The power drive shapes our world. and different drugs open different doors. with all deep emotional and spiritual explorations. Since my talk at Santa Barbara. and without it. and all those who find comfort and safety within the structures maintained by the powerful. and with it the ability to choose wisely. but the potential is still there. it builds civilizations. Communication with the loving and nurturing energy within us is lost.xxvi TIHKAL — The Continuation Keep in mind that psychedelic drugs are not the only keys to our unconscious minds. control becomes dictatorship. mankind would have perished long ago. We have not established an open. but the potential is still there. and caution evolves into paranoia. vision and intuition create dogma. tend to be disturbed and angered by individuals who insist on striking off in new . ideally.

He was addressing a graduating class at a university. I hope so. a balance maintained — usually with great difficulty and often with violence — between the urge to control and the need to change and grow. Ph. lest they provoke the self-protective anger of the established order and of those who maintain power through it. However. To those in authority. We have survived for some decades with technological threats which have remained unexpressed. familiar and safe. I continue to devote myself to the work of discovering new keys to an understanding of the human mind. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. and to the widest possible dissemination of whatever knowledge and information I have been able to gather. I am reminded of a dark and humorous quotation. but the technological growth-spurt of the past fifty years has put into mankind's hands a body of knowledge that changes the equation.Introduction xxvii directions. For my part. Woody Alien. mankind faces a crossroads. ignoring the guidance of appointed leaders. Alexander T. to total extinction. The other.D. . This has been the history of human development on this earth. never to be put back in again." I am more optimistic. Maybe the "counterpoise" half of the human animal is making itself felt with reason and love. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly. from killing the offender (witch-burning) to — at the very least — warning him to keep his knowledge and opinions to himself (as with Galileo). The response to this threat can take many forms. just as the nuclear and chemical warfare genies are out of the bottle. there is the unconscious threat of chaos. And this is the way it should have been able to continue. Whatever I cannot accomplish will be done by the many others throughout the world who share these goals. and these were his opening remarks: "More than any other time in history. in order to make my choices wisely. from a hero of mine. Being human means being a soul that chooses — consciously or unconsciously — what it will do and what it will become. I prefer as much awareness as I can achieve in this lifetime. the shattering of what is known. In the meantime. so also will the psychedelic genie be forever amongst us. I rather suspect that it is. Shulgin.

1996. 3rd President of the U. "If people let the government decide what foods they eat and what medicines they take. Drug Czar." Thomas Jefferson. their bodies will soon be a sorry state as are the souls of those who live under tyranny. Barry McCaffrey.S.xxviii TIHKAL — The Continuation "The voters in this country should not be expected to decide which medicines are safe and effective." Gen. .

1 BOOK I THE STORY CONTINUES .

2 TIHKAL — The Continuation Part One: Adventures and Misadventures .

and no difficulty in renewing his license annually. "Chickenshit about ever putting one of those things into myself. There was another reason for Shura's lack of curiosity about possible new regulations applying to his license. as he put it. He was fascinated by the chemistry of the psychedelics. Shura made one mistake.Invasion 3 CHAPTER 1. you'd think that the previous inspecting agents would certainly have been aware of new rules and regulations. he was also. Paul liked to come out on an occasional Sunday and fool around in Shura's lab. two at a time — and the inspections had resulted in no complaints. As we learned later. to actively inquire. the DEA would notify him if there were any recent developments that he ought to be aware of. He assumed that. and over the years he continued to do his work without inquiring as to whether new regulations might have been written. no suggestions for changes to be made. INVASION (Alice's voice) For over 20 years Shura has had a Drug Enforcement Administration analytical license which allows him to possess. When he was originally granted the license. as to whether new rules might have been put into effect. one of his best and dearest friends was the administrator for the DEA western laboratories. Paul Freye. as well as insisting that he conform to them. Over the 15 years I've known him. In retrospect. and analyze drugs in each of the five Schedules. since his license had to be renewed every year. there was a handbook of regulations. identify. But. and would have alerted Shura to their existence. the DEA expects the head of any licensed lab to ask them. again. For thirty years. this was naive. He has to expect occasional (every few years) inspections of his laboratory by agents who are experts in detecting signs of illegal activity and/or non-adherence to regulations. he has been inspected twice — on each occasion by different DEA agents." We never suggested that . They never did. I just don't have that kind of courage.

because all of us knew that Paul's position in the DEA made it impossible for him to nibble anything that even came close to being a psychedelic drug. as he passed by the dusty little mound of samples in the formerbedroom-semi-lab. nicknamed Basement Four. Shura is a great research scientist. There were no young children in our house. however legal. and Paul's gentle warning was forgotten. and knew he could send it to Shura for analysis. might be a small amount of a drug found at a rave party by a researcher doing a government-funded study on rave dances. these babies could be more trouble than they're worth: it wouldn't hurt to just toss 'em all out. and shelves of records. During the years of friendship with Shura. not a great housekeeper. gathering dust. here and there in two rooms. too. both the business and music kind. not to speak of the damage it would do to the young rave dancers involved). to give one example. or pick up dusty . and that included analysis of anonymous samples and research samples. But once. By doing his research this way. or tucked into a shoe box in the room with the infra-red. The only people besides ourselves who might be in our home were friends and trusted acquaintances. he could accumulate his data and write his paper without running into such problems as having to report to the DEA on the names of young people at the raves who had given him samples (which would — needless to say — stop his research dead in its tracks.4 TIHKAL — The Continuation he might do so. A few small vials of questionable material — waiting for analysis or to be put away — might be found hiding behind stacked reprints on the top of his office filing cabinets. most of which Shura had never touched." Shura barely heard the words. Among the samples sent to him for analysis. now a semilab containing his IR (infra-red) and NMR (nuclear magnetic resonance) machines. as well as in the lab. since he didn't want to do such work for people he didn't know. Paul was in our house countless times. and the study and Basement Four were closed and off-limits during any party which might include children. "You know. Shura had always believed that his analytical license allowed him to do analysis. He saw the anonymous drug samples sent through the mail for analysis. one of them Shura's office. his mind being focused on an exciting development in the lab which he wanted to show his friend. to find out exactly what the material was. Such a researcher might have been told that the sample was XTC or some other scheduled drug. The little sample envelopes were piled up. the other a former bedroom. Shura would probably consider the analysis of such a sample to be worth doing just for the information to be obtained about what was happening on the rave scene. none of whom would go to Shura's lab without his knowledge. Paul remarked to Shura. Our DEA friend Paul may have believed it did.

Invasion

5

little envelopes with question-marks on them in his study, or touch a vial bearing chemical symbols in any room. Our friends are not sneaks, nor are

they idiots. When, long before I knew him, Shura received a box containing three peyote cacti from a priest of the Native American Church (a sort of shaman-to-shaman gift), Paul expressed his delight. He knew that Shura's analytical license allowed him to have the Divine Cactus in his possession. He also knew that Shura had a dream of someday taking apart the peyote, in order to finally pin down the numerous unknown trace alkaloids present in the plant, which have not — to this day — been analyzed. Shura put it this way in a letter to a friend: "The bulk of the minor alkaloids have indeed been analyzed quite thoroughly. Actually my hope was to see if a synthetic mescaline analogue that I had made, a methoxymethylenedioxyphenethylamine and a most logical bio-synthetic precursor to peyote components such as anhalonine, lophophorine and peyophorine, was itself a natural component of this cactus. In fact I have, rather presumptively, named it lophophine, assuming that it would be a trace component. With the reference sample in hand, and a valid extract of the cactus, the 'discovery' of it as being there would be a piece of cake." In the meantime, the beautiful, soft green cacti stood in their red clay pots against a wall of the patio, getting water and occasional loving words over the years. Paul invited Shura several times to talk about psychedelic drugs to the chemists in the San Francisco DEA lab. On Shura's study wall was a photograph of himself shaking hands with Paul, while holding a plaque awarded to "Dr. Alexander Borodin, in Recognition of Your Significant Personal Efforts to Help Eliminate Drug Abuse," dated 1973; the bronze medallion was engraved at the top, "Department of Justice," and at the bottom, "Bureau of Narcotics and Dangerous Drugs," the forerunner of the present DEA. In the photograph, both Paul and Shura had full beards, wore dark suits and ties and looked appropriately stern. Next to this plaque was a second award, given almost a decade later, this time from the Drug Enforcement Administration, "With Appreciation for the Valuable Contribution of Dr. Alexander Borodin, in Support of The Western Laboratory," signed by Paul, just before he retired. Shura admitted to me that he wasn't quite sure why he'd been awarded these plaques, but I think they were acknowledgments of his scientific integrity and his insistence on making available information about psychedelic drugs, their chemistry and their effects to anyone who wanted to know, including the government. Paul officiated, as a minister of the Universal Life Church, at our

6

TIHKAL — The Continuation wedding on the lawn behind our house. A year later, when he married a little blonde DEA intelligence agent, a sweet, tough and compulsively honest lady named Elena, the ceremony was performed on that same lawn. The Farm, as we call it, swarmed with DEA chemists and agents, and Shura took them all on a guided tour of our old farmhouse and the fabled lab, with its delicate, long-legged spiders and dried leaves blown in through the door by many gusts of wind over many winters. Among other sights shown to the visitors, a few yards from the lab, was the sump; this was a hole, dug deep by Shura, decades earlier, and lined with bricks, now filled almost to the top with earth. Into it, Shura poured the occasional pot residues, as he called them, and waste solvents — things that couldn't be safely thrown into a fire in the lab fireplace. About two years after Paul retired, our book, PIHKAL, was published. The first half of the book told the stories of Shura and myself, our early lives and our difficult love affair, each one of us writing separately, in our individual voices, to create the totality of the adventure. Much of the story, which dealt with psychedelic experiences, was fiction, but it was based on the explorations that we each had made during the 60's, and the research we had done before the passage of the Analogue Drug Bill in 1986, which effectively brought all such exploration to a stop in this country. That part of the book was controversial enough, because it also spoke out about the damage being done to our basic freedoms by the socalled War on Drugs, and it argued vehemently for the individual adult citizen's right to explore his own mind and soul in any way he chooses, provided that he takes care not to intrude on the rights of any other human being. It was the second half of the book that caused shock waves in certain places. It was written for such time in the future when rationality would (we sincerely hope) replace the ugly police state mentality rapidly growing in this country. This second half consisted of 179 recipes, procedures for making psychedelic drugs. It was written in the style of the respected Journal of Medicinal Chemistry, and would be understood largely by professional chemists. There were also pages of commentary from anonymous contributors detailing the effects of each of these drugs at various dosage levels. As soon as we had the completed, published book in hand, Shura proceeded to distribute free copies to all the chemists he knew in the DEA labs across the country, explaining that it should be a valuable reference work for them. It was immediately put to use as exactly that, and it is probable that many of those chemists never got around to reading the first half of the book, finding all the excitement they could possibly hope for in the second, the technical half.

Invasion Right after PIHKAL came out, we would lie in bed at night, imagining out loud to each other the various possible scenarios involving angry government officials, but as time went on, we relaxed and told ourselves that, after all, we live in a country that gives protection to free speech, and Shura had maintained an excellent relationship, over the years, with the people he knew in the DEA. We had been aware for a long time that there were a few powerful men in the Washington, D.C. headquarters of the DEA whose feelings toward Shura were deeply hostile. There was one in particular who had the reputation of being a truly malignant person, determined to rise through the ranks of the agency. He was vehement in his hostility towards all uses of visionary plants or drugs, even by Native Americans; we could only hope that he would either ignore our book or dismiss it, after considering the fact that it had proven useful to many of the DEA chemists. This, too, might be seen in retrospect as naivete on our part. The general state of things in our house and in the lab was the same when Paul had been around (and when the two earlier inspections had taken place) as they were years later, in 1994, when our world was turned upside down. Two years after PIHKAL's publication, on a Tuesday in late September of 1994, a red car drove up our road and into the parking area above our old farmhouse. Three men got out and introduced themselves as agents of the DEA. We expressed, gently, our surprise that they had not phoned before coming, because during Paul's administration, he had insisted that agents who came to inspect the Borodin lab phone Shura in advance, to make an appointment. The head agent, Mr. Fosca, a neatly dressed man of medium height, was polite and smiling; he ignored our reproachful comments as he shook our hands. The other two were dressed quite casually in sports clothes, which was most unusual for DEA people on duty. I offered coffee and tea, but the three men declined. I remembered then that DEA agents don't usually accept food or drink in a place they are inspecting, at least not until their work is finished and they have found nothing out of order. The agents had brought a warrant with them. This was startling; no previous inspection had ever involved a warrant, and both Shura and I were taken aback and rather bewildered. Why did they need such a thing? My daughter, Wendy, was working in Shura's office, doing the Transform Press business — processing orders for PIHKAL — as she did every week. She glanced up as Shura brought Mr. Fosca through the door, and smiled as he introduced her as the manager of the press. Then she went on with her work. Shura and I were surprised by the unexpected visit, but not wor-

7

8

TIHKAL — The Continuation
ried. After all, two previous inspections had turned up nothing considered a problem, and we assumed that this one would have the same outcome. We were, at that moment, packing for a trip to Spain, where Shura was due to present several talks at a conference not far from Barcelona. Our plan was to leave the following day, and this official visit would mean taking several hours out of our scheduled preparations. Aside from that one concern, we had no reason to be apprehensive. The agents went to the lab with Shura. It was just a few minutes later, around 2:00 p.m., when Wendy knocked on my bedroom door, where I was busy folding and squeezing things into suitcases, and told me that Michael Sun had arrived. I clapped my forehead, having forgotten completely that we'd made an appointment to meet with him for about an hour, that afternoon, just to catch up on recent events. Michael was (and is) one of my favorite people in the world, a gentle, soft-spoken, quietly brilliant young man who was engaged in pulling together a coalition of religious and spiritual practitioners and teachers throughout the country who believe that psychedelic plants and drugs have an immense potential as tools for exploring the human soul and spirit. He believes (as do we) that the best way to encourage changes in bad drug law is to work with people in the government, to explain and persuade, and to open their understanding of the ancient religious and spiritual traditions in most cultures which have used such materials. I met Michael at the sliding glass doors between the dining room and the small outside patio. He handed me a tall glass bud vase which carried one single glowing red rose. I thanked him and gave him a hug, then said in a low voice, "We have some unexpected visitors, inspectors from the DEA; they came without phoning first — we didn't expect them at all — and I imagine you probably don't want to stick around to be introduced." He grinned and agreed that he didn't think it would benefit anybody for him to remain. He said, "I'll phone you tomorrow and we can set up another time — " but I interrupted to remind him that tomorrow we would be on our way to Spain. "Call us in three weeks, honey," I urged him, and after another hug and his wishes for a good and happy trip, he left. I put the rose in its shining vase on the tiled counter under one of the kitchen windows, where it would catch the sunlight. I returned to the bedroom and continued packing until, about an hour later, I heard voices in the hallway. Shura was telling the agents that, yes, there were two other rooms in the house where some samples of drugs might be found, "There's stuff in my office and in the room we call Basement Four, which isn't a basement at all, by the way, but it's where I keep my IR — my infra-red equipment — and other instruments that might be corroded

Invasion

9

in the real lab." I thought to myself, he sounds pretty cheerful; guess the inspection went all right. During the next thirty minutes or so, my casual attitude underwent a change, as I heard Mr. Fosca say over and over again, "That is a violation of the regulations," always in a pleasant voice, sometimes with what I heard

as a faint overtone of regret, especially when adding, as I heard him do once, "These violations can be worth a fine of up to twenty-five thousand dollars each, you know." "Which regulations?" asked Shura, insistently, before retreating into a resigned silence. There was supposed to be a safe in the lab, Agent Fosca continued, into which all scheduled drugs were placed under lock; there should be a system by which the local police station could be alerted by an alarm if unauthorized persons tried to gain access to the contents of that safe. He added, "After all, you don't want to be responsible for a tragedy, if some visiting child happens to discover one of those vials, do you?" That certainly sounds reasonable. But why didn't the earlier inspectors say anything about safes? They must have written an awful lot of new rules in the past few years. And nobody told Shura. I ventured out into the hallway, closing the bedroom door behind me, and watched from the doorway of Basement Four as Agent Fosca, moving from one cluttered surface to another, told Shura that, not only were the anonymous drug samples stacked up somewhere other than in the lab — where they belonged — but Shura's license did not authorize him to analyze anonymous drug samples anyway. "That kind of activity requires a separate license, which you don't have," he said, his voice fractionally more disapproving than before. Shura replied, "Nobody ever told me that; after all, my license allows me to do analysis, doesn't it?" After a small silence, he shrugged, "But if I have to give up doing an occasional analysis, that'll be fine with me, because I don't like dealing with the damned things; I don't get paid for doing it, and most of the time, I don't learn anything interesting enough to justify the time and energy it takes." During the next hour, Mr. Fosca sat at our dining room table, examining all of Shura's records, including receipts for chemical purchases going back several years. He asked for and got photo copies of purchase orders. All these were reasonable requests, and Shura complied without hesitation. But he was aware — more than I was, at that point — that the questioning had already gone well beyond that involved in any previous inspection. By now, Shura's attitude had become one of innocent surprise

10

TIHKAL — The Continuation
(which was certainly genuine), combined with an apparently good-natured desire to cooperate, all of which he hoped would hide his growing anxiety. He went very slightly manic, asking several times, "Where can I get a copy

of the new book of regulations?" and, "Why hasn't anyone told me about these new regulations?" There might have been a hint of disbelief to be detected underneath these questions, but all he got from Mr. Fosca was a promise that a copy would be mailed to our address, as soon as the agents got back to the office. During the fourth hour of questioning about what this or that chemical was intended for, and why this or that scheduled drug was present in such quantity, and Shura's apparently cheerful explanations, I went and sat outside the dining room, where all this was going on, making myself comfortable in one of our molded plastic patio chairs, underneath the big canvas umbrella, with my eternal glass of iced tea. I got into conversation with the oldest of the three agents, about children and high schools — he was planning to attend a parents' night at his son's school, that evening — and now, when I offered him some plain iced water, he told me he would appreciate that, yes; it was pretty hot and he could use a drink. I was pleased that he was accepting my offer; I felt it was a generally good sign, although of what I couldn't be sure. At the end of the fourth hour, Agent Fosca closed his notepad, stood up and said that he was going to need at least three — maybe four — more days to complete his inspection, and he was very sorry we were leaving for Spain, but he would be in touch as soon as we had returned, to set up the next session. Shura said "Yes, of course," and accompanied the three men out to the car to say good-bye. As soon as the agents had left, he came back into the dining room and we stood and looked at each other, smiles gone, then we sat down at the table, in silence, to let it all sink in. Wendy came out of the office, saying, "Okay, I've finished," then sat down with us. I leaned back in my chair and said, "Jeeezus!" "Bummer, huh?" Wendy looked from me to Shura and nodded to herself. Shura muttered, "I wonder if there really are so many new regulations!" I said, "Oh, there probably are, honey. Remember, Mister Fosca pointed out that the DEA can't be expected to notify every head of every lab in the country whenever there's a new regulation passed, so the lab heads have to keep track themselves. It just didn't occur to us that the rules might have been changed." "So if there were new regs, how come the last two inspections came up with no complaints, not a single one!" Shura asked.

Invasion
"Yeah," I said, "That doesn't make sense." After a moment's silence, Shura said, "There was one reference to PIHKAL. I mean, he must have read it — or maybe he was talking about things we've said in interviews — because he asked me, when we were

11

looking at stuff in Basement Four, 'Does your research group still meet these days?' and I said that we didn't meet any more for research, just socially, because you have to remember, the average age of the people is around seventy, and that kind of exploration is a young person's game. Besides, the Analogue Drug Bill pretty much put an end to all research in that area." "What did he say?" Wendy asked. "Nothing; just went on to other things." "So after you get back from Spain," said Wendy, "They're doing some more inspecting?" "He said three, maybe four more days," answered Shura, shoving his hair back with both hands, "What more can he do here that'd take three or four more days, for Pete's sake!" "Twenty-five thousand dollars per violation," I said to Wendy, but Shura made a correction, "Up to, he said; up to twenty-five thousand dollars." "Oh, okay. Depending on how benign they decide to be," I said. "And you can just guess how benign the DEA is going to feel toward the author of PIHKAL, can't you?" Shura bared his teeth in a grimace. For the first time that day, all three of us actually broke into laughter. During the next two weeks we attended a conference on Consciousness Change in the ancient little town of Lerida, in the part of Spain known as Catalonia, and when the conference was over, we spent a few days in Barcelona, one of the loveliest cities in the world. During that time, Shura wrote his own notes on what had happened and how he felt about it. He entitled it:

VISITORS FROM ANOTHER PLANET
(Shura's voice)

Act I:
Within a week I have had two most extraordinary encounters. Both seemed at first fundamentally benign and unthreatening, but both developed in ways that could not have been predicted, and which I am still trying to understand. In fact, both involved such complexities, I have lost most of

12

TIHKAL — The Continuation

the minute-to-minute detail, and will try here to give the music, accompanied by what little I can remember. In a figurative sense, both were visits from another planet.

The first of these occurred earlier this week, on Tuesday at the Farm,
the day before we were booked for a flight to Spain, where I was to give an

address to an international Change of States of Consciousness conference. Alice and I were in the final stages of preparation, she with the last odds and ends of packing and I with the making of the arrangements to have our mail picked up by the neighbors, and getting an itinerary made out for my son Theo and Wendy. Wendy, Alice's younger daughter, was doing the weekly books for Transform Press. We were expecting a drop-in visitor at about 2:00 PM, so we had opened the big wooden gate at the bottom of the driveway, but it was just a bit after noon when I heard a car drive up, above the house. I went out to meet it, and watched three men, one relatively young and dressed in suit and tie, the other two older and more casually dressed, get out of the car. They came down the stairs from the parking area, shook my hand, and introduced themselves. I didn't recognize any of their names, but I did know the organization they worked for. It was the Drug Enforcement Administration, the DEA. I invited them into the house (they accepted), offered them coffee or tea, or something else to drink (they declined) and asked how I might help them. They mentioned that they were on an official visit (was it the office for compliance? the office for diversion?) and wanted to look at everything that might bear on my handling of scheduled drugs. They handed me a few pages of something with a business card attached (I thought it might be a listing of what they were looking for) but I found out later on reading it that it was a search warrant allowing them pretty much free reign to look for, and to take, whatever they felt might be of interest to them. Alice came in from the packing tasks about then, and I introduced her. Once she realized that I was not making a joke as to the identity of our visitors, she played the role of the gracious hostess, and introduced them to Wendy who had come into the kitchen for a coffee refill. The principal investigator was a young man of perhaps 35, carrying a clipboard with a yellow lined pad for taking notes, and a camera to photograph everything of interest. He was the asker of most questions, and he introduced himself as Agent Fosca. The other two were just sort of there, perhaps to be of help if help was called for, or to be witnesses of things said and done. Our first major rallying point was over in the lab. The exchange pretty much went according to the following routine: Mr. Fosca asks, "Where in this area (wherever we happened to be at the

Invasion
moment, with vials and petri dishes and small bottles and dirty beakers in front of us) are materials that are scheduled drugs?" I reply, "Well, this is a sample from England, from a rave scene; it

13

might be Ecstasy. Is it? I haven't analyzed it yet, so I don't know."
Fosca: "Who sent it to you?"

"I don't remember." "Where is the record of it having been received?"
"I don't have any." "Why don't you keep notes?" "Why should I?" "It is required by regulations." "I never heard of any such regulation." "There is a fine of up to $25,000 for every infraction of regulations." "Which regulations?"

There were many variations on this theme, but each of them reflected the same basic content. The two subordinate agents seemed to become more and more at
ease as the day progressed, asking occasional questions apparently out of curiosity, rather than from any official need, and clearly disliking the smells

of the lab. So they stayed outside, talking to each other, while Fosca and I continued as a twosome inside for an hour or so. He inspected the licenses on the wall. There was one from the DEA for Schedule I-V drugs, for analytical purposes. There was one from the
State Department of Radiology that allowed me some comfort in purchas-

ing radioisotopes for my research work, and there was a Clinical Chemist
toxicology registration. Fosca picked up a Hamilton 100 microliter fixed needle syringe and asked what it was for. I told him, "For injecting small, known volume samples into the GC for chromatographic separations." He picked up a packet of #18 1-inch hypodermic needles in sterile sleeves, and asked what they were for.

"For venting the positive argon gas pressure out through rubber grommets in sealed systems that have to stay dry," I said. "They appear to be the size usually used for human injections."
"That's because I get them from the San Francisco General Hospital,

where they are used with patients."
Everything that might be seen as having a drug orientation of course had a legitimate lab use as well, and he seemed to accept this; at least, he didn't argue with my explanations. Still, he continuously took notes and photographs. Scribble, scribble, click, click.

But the repeated emphasis was on scheduled drugs. Do you have scheduled drugs here?

14

TIHKAL — The Continuation
"Well, yes." "Here is a bottle that contains a few grams of 2C-B. How much does it weigh?" "I don't know — a couple of grams." "Could you weigh it?" Sure. Onto a sheet of paper on the toploader scales. It was 3.4 grams. "Why so much?" "I use it as a chemical precursor for the synthetic exploration of new compounds carrying the 2,5-dimethoxyphenethylamine orientation, but with unusual substituents in the four position." Scribble, click. "Other scheduled drugs?" "Well, here is a petri dish with some methcathinone in it." "Why do you have that?" "I made it," I said. "Why did you make it?" "To see if, from an analysis of trace impurities, I could tell which method was used. What are the methods that could be used? The major two are the oxidation of ephedrine with either permanganate or dichromate." "Which did you use?" "Let me look it up in my notes," I said, and looked it up. "It was dichromate." "You keep notes on your research work?" "Yes, in great detail." "Why?" "Because I work towards publication in the scientific literature or towards patents, and in either case things must be written up." "But you don't take notes when you receive samples of what might be scheduled drugs, from different sources?" "No." "Why not?" "Why should I?" My mind wandered a bit as I remembered a somewhat parallel visit that had occurred at Solano Laboratories, many years ago, when I worked there, an inspection visit from a representative of the DEA forerunner which was called the Bureau of Narcotics and Dangerous Drugs. There was a gentleman named Special Agent Somebody, who sat in a small office with the head of the lab and me, and most aggressively cross-examined the two of us as to the security of our storage methods for poisons and drugs. As he talked, he carefully adjusted himself so that the gun that was tucked in behind the belt over his tummy was clearly visible. I glanced at my DEA guest and saw no tell-tale bulge. There was a

We weighed it as well (why." Outside. Fosca. Eventually I went outside to talk to the other two. "You see. I decided to add an explanation. since my parents bought it in 1936 or 1937. who simply chose not to fight the bureaucracy. I said no. but cautioned him that this sort of information had to be kept confidential as I had not yet filed for a patent." To myself. but I was away in the Navy during World War II. I remembered a large bottle of chloral hydrate and managed to find it amongst a large collection of dusty bottles on a shelf over at the far wall. It has the big C with the superimposed IV on the label. but rather depended on scribble and click. I shrugged. "What is this?" he asked. "How long have you lived here?" asks Fosca. I had little choice in the matter. "Are there any scheduled drugs here?" asks Mr. "I don't remember — perhaps I was cleaning out some stock room somewhere and it was there as a chemical. there were a lot of research groups that were being harassed by environmental this and safety standards that. But then. and this soldier is here for cause. which I call my magic stock room. They found it less stressful to abandon their store-rooms of occasionally used chemicals. so it's probably kosher. and all this was privileged information. maybe taking samples. In any case. Up to the Quonset hut at the top of the stairs behind the lab. although I do have . possibly because of the first three letters of the name written on it: MDMone. I thought: maybe that will help him see this as a house-not-built-with-drug-money. that was all. and would have to depend on my faulted memory. Another petri dish came to his attention. I am not sure) and everything was duly written down. and I do not know the cause.Invasion 15 beeper evident. Maybe a concealed tape recorder? I wished I had one tucked away in my own pocket. and offered them to me for my eventual needs. I explained that the story behind this was the search for an antidepressant akin to my Dimoxamine invention of some years ago. But I didn't. Maybe he was taking pictures. on the bench in the lab. looking around at the shelves of glassware and chemical supplies. "Where did this come from?" asked Agent Fosca. the other two agents were grooving on the view. "Off and on. I must remember that I am dealing with a soldier and do not know his commanding officer. tapping it a little. maybe just tallying what he saw." "Any record?" Fosca wanted to know. and my questioner stayed in the lab for a few more minutes alone. I suspect he had no tape." "Did you build the house yourself?" "Not really — I helped my parents do it. and we joined them. as well as giving him a bit of good ole United States patriotism.

"May I have copies?" asks Fosca. which seemed to be okay. having answered many questions from agents and chemists. at some point. Sure.16 TIHKAL — The Continuation some suspicions. put his clipboard flat in front of him. anonymous samples — all bearing an accumulation of dust. They were acknowledgments of my having given freely of my knowledge of psychedelic drugs over the years. Back we went to the house. if only to be able to relish his attempts at evading the question. Doctor. before resuming the questioning. "And this vial (pointing to a vial of fluid. truthfully. Rather than take him to them." I say. "What do you call this room?" "My office. "Maybe here in this bowl?" Fosca was poking around. all of them interesting. Copies of all of this? No problem. or I would have called it LSD. "I don't make the final decisions." "Is it LSD?" "I doubt it. with their indices. A set of small MDMA vials. Wendy made copies. "Are there any scheduled drugs in here?" "I don't really know. Fosca saw the plaques and read them in silence. since he had said." I hoped silently that Fosca would see and read the plaques on the wall. and I hadn't sorted any of it out for at least six months. to rallying point number two. It occurred to me that. with my writing on them. I'm just a soldier. Next we went into my office. card files. MDMA. and of course he did not volunteer any name. which was the dining room. Agent Fosca sat down at the oval table. Sadly. and asked to see my records for purchases of drugs — which is standard practice for any lab inspection — and asked a few questions about my storage of reference samples. almost full. Here. and having given talks to the staff of the San Francisco DEA lab. saying something like 10 mgs." I answered. I never got up the courage to say the words. We came up with several things. I brought them to him. bless her. Also out came my chemical purchase records. Wendy was there at her desk and smiling. letters." I should ask the identity of that un-named commanding officer. given to me several years apart by the DEA for services rendered or something of that sort. I brought out my two vial boxes. of something called LAD) what is this?" "I don't recall." There was a small pile of Marinol capsules (Marinol is the govern- . "Is this your writing?" "Looks like it. There were many things piled on top of my filing cabinets — journals.

I'll just say that these samples were sent to me on the assumption — which I shared — that I had the legal right to analyze them. my identification of a sender of an anonymous sample — if I knew who it was or might be — would be considered by me as a complete betrayal of a trust. and an unforgivable act of cowardice. suffering as I did from a very poor memory." "And. but they had been forced to shut it down on order of the DEA. and I did my best. "Rosa. the active component of marijuana. given to selected patients suffering from certain medical problems) and I explained that I had probably been asked to do an analysis for someone who thought that his capsules did not contain the right ingredients. without having to identify the sources to any authorities. in the past. and if the sample proved to be a scheduled drug. I suspect that Agent Fosca understood this. "What do you call this room?" "Basement Four. might not it be used as evidence in a criminal charge against the sender?" His answer was. Everything was photographed. and I was asked to write my thoughts and recollections about each one. This kind of work had been done. since there were three basement rooms below the house. "Are there any scheduled drugs in here?" "I have no idea." All of these samples (taken. although he continued to press me for the information." I didn't tell him that the room had been my son's bedroom and that. who is Charles?" "I can't remember. and if the DEA ever chose to collect this information. I had the feeling that Agent Fosca might not have quite enough whimsical humor in him to appreciate the story. this vial with something called N-hydroxy-MDMA from someone called Charles. who insisted that this kind of quality control was an aid to illegal activity. "I really couldn't say. and completely receipted) were placed on the top of my Xerox machine. it had seemed logical to rename the room Basement Four when I turned it into a semi-lab and library.Invasion ment approved form of THC. I asked Fosca. In summary. as a matter of record.) Somewhere about this time. by at least one good laboratory which considered it a public service." Into Basement Four." ." "What is this?" He had picked up a vial labeled with black pen. (In case anyone fails to understand why I would not choose to identify the senders of anonymous samples. "If the name of a sender of an anonymous sample had been kept. "Who?" 17 "I can't remember.

Agent Number Two writes out a longish receipt for samples taken." "Are all these other samples from people. with the . in Spain. All the unsold bunches of flowers were then shoved and jammed into that same drain hole." "Who is she?" "I don't know. They seem to be prepared to accommodate me. I haven't analyzed them yet. with the seller cleaning up for the night. that my wife and I have a 5:30 date for the Berkeley Repertory Theater and that we are expected in town soon. took no expertise to determine that it represented a laboratory. and I had the problem of imagining the status of the Parisian sewer system that evening. It was with fine humor that Alice shared her interpretations of the three remembered aspects of this bit of symbolism. It has been quite a day. Alice assured me. The broom was something like the bundle of twigs tied to a handle that I had seen used in France by the street sweepers who collect debris in the gutters and push it all towards the sewer drain at the end of the block. and are they scheduled drugs?" "I don't know. All the leaves and blossoms and wrappings were cleared off the walkway into the gutter. and then Agent Fosca tells me that he will need three or four more days to complete his inspection. after a day's business. The earliest part of the dream that I recall was of a broom sweeping up leaves.18 TIHKAL — The Continuation "Obviously a sample from someone called Rosa. The three men leave. They know. because I had told them when they first arrived." "What does it contain?" "I haven't looked at it yet. and let's see what's what when we return." I am exhausted. in Paris. This was an interaction with my own unconscious. Off to the conference in Spain. just three days later. Act II: The second visitation was from an equally strange place. then pushed with the help of some water source down into the drain hole under the sidewalk. clearly my laboratory and the several stages of visiting that I had shared with the drug authorities. I had a real life memory of a flower stand on a sidewalk curb. He says he'll phone to make arrangements after I return from Spain. equally beyond my control. and it occurred on Friday the 30th. I had a most vivid dream involving a large house that was constructed on four levels which.

involving stuck drawers. and the leaves were all sticky and tended to clump together. I wonder if. I cannot locate the scene in relationship to the four story house. They were sort of separate events. Nothing quite fit. Another remembered detail was a milk canister. unconnected at the time. In my dream. no constructive rearrangements. Efforts to tidy up were being made as the house was apparently on the market. cyclotrons or NMR magnets in the basement. that was indeed level. which neither helped nor hurt my futile efforts. is completely beyond me. even without these flowers. which is what I have in Basement Four. I told Alice that I felt it took no remarkable insight to construct some interpretation involving spilt milk. The basement was a very poorly constructed place. There were sections of brick walls that were not quite level. and there had once been a plan of having something heavy down there. maybe it was on the roof or maybe it was in front of it. toward the back of the room. I was sweeping up leaves with a Parisian streetsweeper's broom. all being pushed into sewer drains at the same time. where the day's production is put out to be picked up by the tanker truck from the creamery. and the floor was concrete and sloped in some obscure direction. rain leaked in on occasion. But then. But on it was something. I ignored the canister and stayed with the task of rearranging the leaves. but it has just occurred to me that this heavy thing concept might represent the permanent magnet of an NMR. the not quite levelness in the dream. spilt milk and all that. simply pointless redistribution. to be sold. not-quite closed doors. or computer. but I did not make any connection between the stickiness of the leaves and the possible presence of milk. It was a Sysiphean task in that all I got for my efforts were the same leaves in a somewhat different arrangement. I might be able some day to . due to the fact that it had been dug out after the rest of the house was completed. I'm pretty sure it was an outdoors location as there was some air movement. I had wondered about a cyclotron.Invasion 19 added burden of thousands of bouquets of roses from the many flower stands throughout the city. I tried to bring into accord the non-levelness and the levelness. I can hear the interpretation now from my dear spouse. the kind that one sees alongside the mail boxes on the rural roads in farming country. At the time of the dream. She laughed and said she had to agree. simply trying to imagine the Parisian sewer system. This canister was on its side. was detectable in much of the rest of the construction of the house. maybe a balance. drawers stuck. spectrophotometers that have functions that may be seen by visitors as being not quite on the level. Doors didn't close well. and it never quite came together. with a little practice. No piles. And the sloppiness. and somewhere there was a desk or counter top that was clearly not level. but it had been an afterthought.

my attitude toward the intense inspection of three weeks before was one of uneasy guilt. mixed with real bewilderment. that official anger about our book PIHKAL. and my failure to insist on taking everything to do with drugs out of the house and into the lab. and saw only a lack of good housekeeping and basic inattention to the need for reasonable precautions. and sweeter dreams which I will not have cause to remember. Shura's failure to stay abreast of the regulation changes. who was not enchanted by our magical. had phoned several times from his new home in Oregon. because I had been forced to see our neglected little vials and sample envelopes through the eyes of what I still believed was a very. maybe over-conscientious. at least.20 TIHKAL — The Continuation interpret my own dreams. Paul. my mind will act it out. was pretty blatant. Shura and I considered the office and Basement Four as extensions of the lab. as he had promised. There are obviously more acts of this play.m. Are they all this obvious? That dream. as did Shura. Our friend. Just what is the problem? Who has been offended that is of sufficient clout to justify this kind of inspection? What is the "for cause" that convinced the judge to issue the search warrant that permitted this kind of fishing expedition to take place? To bed. Shura agreed to keep Thursday open. dedicated agent. to play his viola in the orchestra. Guilt. He told me it was worth losing one evening of rehearsal to get this DEA thing over and done with. I have to admit that. I am writing this in Spain. even though he usually goes to the Owl Club on Thursdays around 3:30 p. had fueled the intensity of the inspection. back in Washington. Of course. Agent Fosca phoned. during the almost three weeks that immediately followed the surprise visit. but I could understand that official outsiders might well see it differently. without having to call on Alice for help. and I agreed. The bewilderment was still there because of the unanswered question: why had the previous inspection teams found nothing amiss under exactly the same circumstances? I had certainly a strong suspicion. but I felt that it must still have been our fault. up to this point. artistic mess. to make an appointment for a continuation of the inspection. and told us he couldn't imagine what Agent Fosca was talking . but they cannot yet be written as the script is not under my control. This is a marvelous time for reflection but it has the added twist that if there is a paranoid fantasy or pessimistic scenario available. (Alice's voice) A couple of days after our return from Spain.

taken apart. We managed to finish reading the paper with our morning coffee before 9:00 a. blue this time. So. It pulled up to the left of the garage. I have here a warrant to search these premises." For a small. Our house. a brown sedan found a spade to the right of the grey truck." People were walking down the brick steps dressed in silvery moon suits with helmets. we stood there. when Shura returned from the mailbox with the Chronicle tucked under his arm. a huge yellow fire truck. mouths gaping. which cheered us both somewhat. sounding cheerful. dismantled.. The image that most horrified me was of strangers carrying out our files of correspondence. bustled here and there. "DEA. Then. endless moment. somewhat more diffidently. some of them calling out to each other. my one concern was that either Shura or I might have a heart attack. square grey truck with the word. People were getting out of the first cars as yet another one. held out his own piece of paper and explained. The strange man held up a piece of paper about three feet from Shura's face and intoned. watching this flood of cars and people as if it were a movie. "Sheriff's Department. but the total for the day — I discovered later from Shura — was eight vehicles. A portable shower was sticking out of the top of the decontamination truck. with all this violations of regulations stuff." and one said. "Doctor Borodin. letters written over the years by people who felt they could tell us things they couldn't share with . and a stickler for rules. on Thursday morning. Perhaps Agent Fosca was new on the job. I could see white letters stenciled on the backs of the jackets. he left the big farm gate unlocked. round-faced man in his forties came down the small stairway to the patio. drove up and parked. as we watched in mouth-open astonishment. I'm sure we were white with shock. when we expected Agent Fosca and his two sidekicks to return. "State Narcotics. smiles ready." others said. At three minutes after nine. behind that. we heard the sound of engines and went outside to stand together in the little patio." stenciled on its side. Then Agent Fosca and a short. our sacred space. Shura and I. while people of both sexes. which parked right above us. The rest of them we couldn't see from the patio. Behind it came Agent Fosca's red car. and we would just have to deal with it as best we could. was about to be clawed at. Jaws dropped. "Decontamination.m. our beloved home.Invasion 21 about. facing the house. Some said. and the whole thing — funny little square vehicle with a dinky little shower head on a pole — looked as if it had materialized out of a cartoon by Gary Larsen. wearing dark pants and jackets. but only momentarily. or a stroke. The first thing to appear up on the paved parking area was a small. "This is a renewal of the warrant we showed you last time. We stood there." and Agent Fosca. in all sizes.

SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT. I caught the word." I heard. people who could now be watched. Ma'am. and suddenly relief poured/through me like cool water. as casual as possible. but seems sort of benign. just for an instant.22 TIHKAL — The Continuation anyone else. probably aware of our state of shock — or at least seeing the blank incomprehension in our faces — was repeating what he'd just said." "Thank you. followed. using that greatest of all therapy drugs. heartily. asked me. innocent people with nothing to hide who were understandably upset by this . challenged and harassed. comfy paunch. "Sure. We looked at each other. "No. not only to read and appreciate their stories — and perhaps answer their questions — but to make sure that their letters didn't fall into the wrong hands. You have to do your job. then found it on the dining room table. thank you. "This warrant entitles us to inspect the grounds around your laboratory and the location known as the sump for hazardous wastes. all because they had trusted us. MDMA. Shura walked in behind me and muttered something about where did he put his coffee mug. and decided it was to pour myself another cup of coffee. Shura. something about being from the County Environmental Protection Agency or some such. "Sump." I said. moving accounts of life-changing LSD trips. Ma'am?" I said no. turning t0 Shura. hang slightly loose. business-like. or sessions with depressed. I walked. people who might have signed names and addresses to long. in white letters. wondered for a moment why I was there. thought they were also going to take his computers and his reference files. and held it out to me for a refill. Big uncle type. we've brought our own stuff. his blue jacket declaring. and we can get out of here that much sooner. We'll be just fine. it'll all go faster. We both knew what we had to do: be friendly." said that gentleman. there was nobody else here. yes. The stocky man was saying something. "Sump. arms folded." Another middle-aged officer. "Would you like some tea or coffee or mineral water?" I paused on my way back into the house." and tried to focus on what was happening in front of me. He managed a slight smile as he turned to the older official. into the kitchen. and the warrant was to enable him to — "Sump." "Yes. "If we can have your cooperation. suddenly able to move again. I understand. "Is there anybody else besides you and the Doctor — here in the house." he breathed back to me. as he told me later." said I. The man. just long enough to see what we were feeling reflected in the other's eyes. anxious friends.

but eager to cooperate. and it was always messy. Doctor Borodin." He closed the door behind him and continued down the hall. when he called out. what do I do?" I peered into the shadows of the hall and saw the officer who had asked me about other people in the house." and pushed the door open. friendly face to me and said. I stood behind the officer. shit! I haven't made the bed yet and everything's a shambles. she was wearing a jacket that said DEA. he still has to check it out. nothing out of place. He said. due to my habit of piling clean clothes which I was too lazy to hang up on top of boxes of unsorted photographs. So my word isn't enough. and the room would be neat and tidy." My tall white-maned magician led Fosca through the dining room. did that mean Fosca was the Big Honcho in this whole Super Inspection. hard face. and so on and so on. He was twisting the knob of our bedroom door. Our bedroom was always off limits to anyone else. Okay. "Would you accompany us to the lab. after her came a young. which always amazed me and made me deeply grateful. or whatever you'd call it? Did the DEA always outrank everybody else in this sort of undertaking? I went back to the kitchen and poured myself a glass of water and opened the freezer to get ice cubes. raised slightly to carry over the noise of the small crowd around him. It just sticks a bit. He knew I'd eventually sort the whole mountain of stuff out. Glad to. presumably to check the other rooms. et cetera. the tiled floors mopped. before the accumulation began again. I just have to make sure there's nobody else here. squinting past him at the familiar mess. for about 48 hours. I heard Fosca's voice outside on the patio. a short. There was a tall. heavy man in a light grey suit and red tie. It was our private place. and carried a camera case. Ma'am. dark-haired woman who gave me a quick smile. "Certainly." He turned his large. Shura never complained. down the hallway and through the back door — as he had done the last time — probably only vaguely aware of the number of people following him. whose jacket proclaimed . and I heard a loud voice from the hallway. The anger could wait until we were alone. and I called out to him. following him. "Don't worry about that. "There's a locked door here. 23 Oh. Shura went back outside.Invasion invasion. while he looked behind the door and quickly scanned the room. "It isn't locked. on top of backpacks I hadn't unpacked from the last trip. "Thank you. although no less guilty. and said some apologetic things about the unmade bed. open-faced Japanese gentleman. if you please?" Shura's voice replied. with a tight. Et cetera. A second thought occurred to me: whom was he addressing. "What do I do?" Was it Agent Fosca? If so.

Maybe I can put on my tape recorder without anyone knowing. and it wouldn't — ah —. ice water in hand. people. and saw my old friend. I won't. do you have any guns in the house?" Oh. a younger man this time. Ma'am." I said. should be photographed for posterity. Why did I have to whisper? Probably because there's an instinct to be secretive about having a gun and about where you keep it. returning from his room check. "Under my bed. intelligent face. "Oh. I thought and said. "Because. a slender man in his 40's with curly hair and a pleasant. who inclined his head briefly in greeting as he passed by me." and I turned to see another member of the Sheriff's Department. as the crowd made their way outside. I hope he's not going to go back into the bedroom and look under the bed. the cute little decontamination truck. I stood. "Yes." I actually smiled with relief. although I already knew the answer. "We'd rather you didn't take pictures. a male voice behind me said. and we may survive all this — whatever it is. everything. the warrants. what an amazing day that was!" I went and got the camera. But all he said was. vehicles. I went into the living room and sat down on my old blue couch. I have one. I promise you I won't. "Remember this? All those people with guns in their belts. Ma'am?" I whispered." "Where is it. he'll see all the dust. please don't do that. of course. ah. and I'll die of embarrassment forever. Keep it peaceful and friendly. That's good." Dammit. who was looking anxious and apologetic. Jesus. and finally. "Ah. Or at least for us to enjoy. Suddenly. maybe on cold winter evenings in front of a fire. Ma'am.24 TIHKAL — The Continuation STATE NARCOTICS. moon suits. Officer Uncle. until we're all through. Ma'am." That's funny. "I didn't think about that. above the house in the parking area. I could imagine us leafing through the album and saying to each other. the guys in moon suits. it occurred to me that this whole extraordinary event. and . you know. God. locking the camera and putting it down on the dining room table. if you don't mind. What if they find out? Could get angry. "Ma'am. I'd give anything to have photos." he said. this — what would you call it? — polite invasion. He came up to me and asked." I guess I don't look the dangerous type. Don't want anyone angry. if you don't mind. "Okay. sir." "Oh. Just don't go into the bedroom. some of the officers are undercover. Just as I was aiming it at the cars and trucks and the uniformed people lounging against their bumpers. "What's the matter?" I asked. dressed in slacks and tweed jacket.

you know. the authorities. All I got out of watching the news was a nasty reminder of an old realization that the world outside. I actually felt like a criminal for wanting to do such a thing. facing a group of five officers seated around the patio table. for the most part anyway. What I saw was the young Japanese man from State Narcotics. what happens if you —" but the speaking stopped as someone in his audience apparently caught sight of me. or at least less Right than they are? And taping the police.Invasion thought to myself. There were shiny red and green soft drink cans on the white metal . The Great Spirit. hadn't the slightest understanding of what Shura and I did. most of them would say. "And he describes what it's like. The voice had been enthusiastic and admiring. as I passed by the glass doors and headed down the hall. and a thousand other names? Never heard of such rubbish. and I realized I was grinning broadly. And if they did know. and whatever it is we tentatively call God. Why? Because — because it implies that we Wrongies may be trying to catch the Righties in a mistake. That's very interesting. what you feel if you take them at different dosages. then? That they are the Right people. how strange it was that the police. by George! Brilliant! It might have been a rather elaborate way of getting some slight satisfaction out of this appalling day. Psychedelic drugs as research tools to understand the human mind. for a small. I glanced outside. bright and pleasantly criminal moment. And that's disrespectful. but it felt good. wearing my usual friendly half-smile. is a sign of disrespect. what we believed in or what we were willing to fight for. THAT'S IT! THAT'S IT! What brilliant thinking. but couldn't concentrate on anything. even CNN. As I came through the door. under the big canvas umbrella. maybe an important mistake. casually. the human unconscious? Psychedelic drugs as tools of spiritual searching? Psychedelic drugs as ways of touching the spiritual dimension. doing the Right things. they would be shocked and outraged. not antagonistic. I not only wasn't allowed to. I turned off the television and walked back toward the kitchen. the Ground of Being. Why do I feel a faint sense of criminality when I think of getting things these people say on tape? Why should anyone feel they're doing something wrong if they try to record what authorities do and say? Am I identifying with the police's view of what's going on? Am I being sucked into their reality? What is their reality. I turned on the television. could use cameras and tape recorders all over the place (although I hadn't actually seen tape recorders yet) but when I wanted to take photographs and tape conversations to document what was happening during this invasion of 25 strangers. perched on a brick ledge. And only the criminally inclined are disrespectful towards authorities. I could hear a male voice on the patio saying. and that the rest of us are Wrong. or photographing them. some of them eating lunch.

to your right. so I went out the back door and stood there for a few moments. I had nowhere to go in the hallway. wondering what to do next. use it any time you want!" Well. next to a batch of evaporated milk cans. Who the hell is THAT? He dresses civilian. I was startled by a loud knock. now. Up the hallway again. but with a round. that's right. I was wearing only socks on my feet. these people bring their own food and drink so they don't have to risk being poisoned or something in a suspect's house. in the almost-dark (I hadn't turned on the light). peered in at me and asked. "Would it be all right if I used your bathroom. and he obviously hates us. It's the door next to this. Ma'am?" "Yes. she's seen me here. again. So he's read PIHKAL and he liked it. but I couldn't think of any way to do it without being seen. He was standing with his back to me and I heard him clearly say. I . a flat of small cans still in my hands." and his right hand made a wide. The corner of the room next to the wall was piled high with cardboard flats of cat food cans. I've never seen him before today. Won't hurt to try. Then I heard voices. You don't have to ask my permission. and I began. unfriendly looking man I'd seen following Shura to the lab. of course. Who is he and what's he doing here? There was an uncomfortable silence as I came into view. earlier. holding aflat of cans. I stepped down into the little room with its shelves and shelves of everything from instant rice to light bulbs. just bring in a fucking bulldozer and plow it under. stacking them in the middle of the floor. rather short and chunky in her blue jacket. grey-suited. TIHKAL — The Continuation Oh. far down the dirt path that led to the lab. so nobody could hear me coming. apparently busy."— up to me. I can put it against the outer wall and hear what's being said outside on the patio. near enough to the sliding glass doors to perhaps catch conversation on the patio. for the moment. I thought once more of trying to sneak a tape recorder into some corner of the dining room. to lift the cardboard flats out of my way. They're coming back. carrying with me a clean glass which I put. all-inclusive sweep in the air. in the shadows. Suddenly. holding a glass to the wall. they'd demolish this whole damned place. with a rush of affection for the one person in this whole pile of law enforcement who might have some positive feelings towards us.26 surface. and came around the edge of the open door to see who it was. Wonder what happened this time. moving purposefully toward the kitchen. I thought. Aha! Maybe if I take a drinking glass into the storage room. A young female officer. pretty face. Which is why I was able to catch the tail end of a sentence spoken by the same big. There's no way I can stand in the corner.

I had opened two of the little cans and was obviously carrying them somewhere. I nodded to him and sat down in my usual place. as we discovered later. When I returned from the cat porch (actually.) I watched Mr. telling me. As I came into the kitchen." never entered my mind. this is Mr. smiling. "Alice. presumably to feed cats. (Mr. and look as if I'm busy doing something that makes sense. Goode doing his best to translate the chemical concepts and ideas to the agent. "Thank you. bad cop. Goode turned out. Joseph Goode from Washington. Fosca would draw a deep breath and complain. He's a chemist!" Mr. politely. a carved captain's chair on the border between dining room and kitchen. who had once been a chemist and knew the jargon. I would have enjoyed at least TRYING to overhear them.. that he wasn't getting the specific answers he needed for his report. Goode rose halfway from his chair. At times. Shura looked up and made a grand gesture toward the stranger. who was finding it easier to make himself understood to an obviously interested and even enthusiastic chief DEA chemist. Shura was leaning an elbow on a stack of record books. it should have been called the "cat-raccoon-'possum porch").Invasion 27 could only have done that if nobody knew I was in here. considering the cast of characters who scrambled up there every night to feed on the cats' leftovers. at which both Shura and Goode . She smiled at me and said. By the time the lady had come out of the bathroom.C. that feels better!" and we both laughed. D. I'll just have to leave and take the flat into the kitchen. to be the most highly-placed administrator in the DEA's headquarters. I guess there's nothing like the joy of relieving a full bladder to forge a bond between strangers. "Good cop. engaged in conversation with Tweed Jacket. For the next couple of hours. a few feet away from them. he'd been flown out from Washington. while occasionally being distracted by the fun of the chemistry that was pouring out of Shura. Fosca had his big yellow legal pad in front of him again. where the smoke from my cigarette wouldn't intrude on people at the table. I sat and watched a three part drama. three people were seated at the dining table. Agent Fosca had his back to me. where he headed up the main DEA testing lab. Too bad. starring an increasingly frustrated DEA agent who kept trying to get answers to detailed questions from a slightly manic chemical genius. Shura was opposite him and at the head of the table was the slender man with the tweed jacket and intelligent face who had nodded to me earlier as he followed the group going to the lab. just to join this investigation and act as interpreter of Shura's sophisticated chemistry-language to Agent Fosca. The possibility that I might be watching the game called.

a faint touch of impatience in his voice. do you have a record of that purchase?" "Yes. Why didn't they say anything?" Mr. Is he making a joke? No. yet again. it was obvious even to me that this was not the kind of inspection we'd had before. And it's also possible that your friend Paul didn't know all the regulations that applied to your license. while still making notes on his pad. not a lab specialist. What I heard." I persisted.28 TIHKAL — The Continuation would calm down and turn their heads towards the agent. sad to say. slowly and carefully. (Followed by translation by Mr. feel free!" "Why do you have this amount of 2C-B in a bottle in your lab?" "As I told you earlier. after all. Fosca? All four of them incompetent?" This time. Ma'am. Goode. this man isn't joking. I leaned forward." then a rapid-fire list of chemical compounds. if you don't mind. Agent Fosca was doing more than just being over-conscientious. and Mr. Goode would translate and explain. when Shura had gone to the office to get something. "It happens. And Fosca didn't seem to have any satisfactory answer to the question that both Shura and I had asked three weeks earlier. Mr. "Well. I use it for —" and he repeated what he had said in the lab. and were asking again today. not all our inspectors are as good as they should be.) "What do you use (this or that material or solvent) for?" "Well. He can't possibly mean that. and that Mr. At one point. Unfortunately." I still didn't get the message. of course. "Both teams of inspectors. while Shura's eyes lost their twinkle briefly." "I would like to take this with me. mostly I use it for —. "Why didn't our good friend." Incompetent." "Certainly. He said. let me get it for you. (Translation by Mr. "They were probably incompetent inspectors. and all the previous inspectors who saw exactly the same conditions. He looked down at his papers and back up at me. were exchanges like this: "This item here. or intermediate steps to them. and this is the way . Paul. generally speaking. I asked it once more.) By this time. Fosca looked at me and replied. He was an administrator. Goode. his impatience was obvious. and I could see in his face that he had remembered. Ma'am. sometimes friends don't like to say things. He's telling me — us — that this is his answer. "But the DEA inspectors should have known the regulations. you know how it is. and said abruptly. tell us that something was out of order?" Fosca shifted his chair so that he could glance in my direction. where he was and what was going on at this table. it happens.

and he drew out of his briefcase a large file of papers." "If I ever hear from any of your research group. Well at least they've played it straight. Fosca. he also sounded relieved.Invasion 29 the story is going to be told. I was finally beginning to understand. Mr. "Did you ever give scheduled drugs to the people in your research group?" asked Fosca. Give It Up. I thought. it is. specialized world. Fiction." I said." Fosca has goofed. What an idiotic question. It had amused and slightly annoyed us. Mr. This whole nasty business is not supposed to have anything to do with a book. Agent Fosca had changed his seat to the side of the table opposite me. across the room. You're famous. our fame had saved us? From what? Besides. but we'd forgotten about it. in a distinctly friendly voice. the young Japanese State agent came in and made a remark to him. Mr. It's purely a matter of regulations and making sure . Fosca. Fosca. He shouldn't have let himself get into any kind of discussion about PIHKAL. in a well-known counterculture magazine. until now. "A lot of people don't think it's fiction." "What?" I was dumbfounded. It had certainly taken me long enough. to hunt down some reference in the office." said Fosca. that no signs of criminal activity had been found. "If any one of them ever comes to me and tells me that you gave them scheduled drugs —" "Well. "No. not for publication in any magazine). I mean. several months earlier. when we saw the article in print. (although we had given the interview for a book that was being written. when Mr. that's not likely. "Yes. Drop It." "Yes." "Well. No matter what people may think. "Please keep in mind that the book is fiction. which had been published by the interviewer. The story part of it. and that the Good Doctor should keep in mind that this was merely a regulatory inspection. because it never happened. "I see you've got a copy of the Flying High article!" Fosca looked up at me and replied. We're just well-known in a very small. He was obviously trying to be reassuring. anywhere. in absolute seriousness. brightly. thank God. I said. they didn't plant anything on us. I recognized a blurred photocopy of an interview with Shura and myself. Goode and Shura had left the table for the moment. He's saying. What did he mean. Fosca of the DEA. well. changing the subject. The next act of the play took place in mid-afternoon." continued Mr. Even from where I sat. Fame is the cover of Newsweek or Time. we don't have fame." he said. My stomach twisted. "And your fame has saved you. Shortly after Shura returned to the table.

. having tucked his papers inside a briefcase. Then. seated at the dining table. After a moment's hesitation. It's called headquarters being mad as hell about PIHKAL. who has the clout. It's called letting us know who has the power. When Shura and Mr. neither of us being sure that he could do so. right behind you." There were several people on the patio. Of course.. the questioning continued. I watched him go. Nothing to do with a book.30 TIHKAL — The Continuation Shura is doing things safely and legally. we said. when two jacketed men made their way into the dining room. angry. when — toward the end of the visit — the big Uncle-policeman who had asked me. Then a third agent (whose identifying back I couldn't see) asked if he might buy a copy. wondering if he was embarrassed." so we urged him to accept the second book as a gift. packing up his notes. to allow for autographing. telling them about the completely unknown and un-named . pads and various pieces of paper he had taken from Shura. and stripped the shrink-wrap off one of them. and Shura brought out two books. or completely indifferent to the book-signing. he thanked us and requested that we autograph the copy. Sure. most of it around specific amounts of certain precursors which had been ordered from this or that chemical supply company. left the table and headed down the hallway in the direction of Basement Four. whether I had a gun. Mister Fosca was finished. "Interesting. as if I had pointed out a boa constrictor in a corner. "Do you have any peyote cactus here. the strangest — and certainly the most schizophrenic — of all the events of the day took place. finally. He can't be too pleased. which we did with genuine pleasure. muttering. and asked me to add my signature. "Yes. Mr. interesting. of course. and every one of them froze. and they asked Shura if he would autograph their rather worn books. and who has to be feared. Fosca. now. Agent Fosca was standing. under these rather peculiar circumstances. Did they ask Fosca ahead of time if they could do this. there was a lot of activity around our little cactus friends. At this point. too? Wonder how he feels about it. But at least I know for sure. hours before. what this is all about." Suddenly. against the wall. or is it all a surprise to him. Then Uncle chuckled. and Shura. talked through the open glass doors to the men outside. Another agent picked it up and began leafing through the pages. "I thought so! I just had a feeling. How nice a thing to have happened! How totally crazy and nice! Shura's facade of pleasantness cracked only once.. and obliged. Each of them held a copy of PIHKAL. He said he'd be delighted. said I. Somebody asked Shura why he had peyote cactus growing in pots. Ma'am?" I answered. poked his head around the sliding glass door and asked. Goode returned and took their seats at the table.

comfortable in the knowledge that his license covered his possession of the cacti. After a moment." he said. "I haven't had time yet. He spoke enthusiastically. sir. eyes riveted on the two men. When 1 pointed them out." Someone else spoke up. They're actually frightened of them. or is it that they're scared of what they think some of that cactus can do inside their heads or their souls? That's more like it. Do you understand?" Shura rose. because everyone's told them that's what you get when you eat a piece of one of these little soft green things." said Shura. the group of agents moved this way and that. "But I have a legal right to possess them. Shura waited by the glass doors. Fosca walked over to where Shura stood and said. please check the regulations. But that's what they're here for —" He was interrupted by the Asian gentleman. emphasizing every word. stooping down to examine them more closely. . Agent Fosca came on the scene. "I'm afraid the cacti will have to go. is there?" "Not yet." and they imagine all sorts of terrible amorphous horrors. we are going to have to take your peyote cactuses away. so these DEA agents don't recognize peyote when it's right under their noses! Weird. Then he pulled Fosca off to the side of the patio and spoke urgently into his ear. 31 A short. tight face." "But I've been keeping them for years to do analytical work on them. "My DEA license covers them. Doctor." While Fosca was being summoned. "Where there's a cut. "We are taking the cactuses. heavy Asian man in his forties. looking down at the cacti. I leaned forward in my captain's chair. and you'll find that I'm right. Where in the regulations does it say I can't keep a peyote to do analysis for the alkaloids?" "Show me. Well. "Doctor Borodin. desperately. They've heard words like "crazy. well. who brought his face within a foot of Shura's and spat out. or where you've taken a slice. and if you keep on arguing about it. and the stocky Asian man with the angry face took his arm and pointed at the cacti. almost apologetically. They are going to have to be destroyed. He looked at Shura and spoke very clearly. they acted as if the poor little things might fly up and bite them. his face showing disbelief. Doctor Borodin. Am I making myself clear?" He squinted at Shura long enough to see that he had made his point. I'm going to have to read you your rights and put on the handcuffs. watching them. pushed his way forward and leaned against the edge of the sliding door. there isn't any sign of work being done on any of them. "Go get Fosca." and "psychotic. pointing out various interesting details to their companions.Invasion trace alkaloids which no one had yet analyzed." replied Fosca. with a large.

" I said. keep in mind that. if this were Guatemala or Bolivia. Good idea. By 5:00 p. They'll die. curled up together in our bed. "After all. Cassman. it was all over." "So it isn't all bad. we'll put them somewhere safe. but it didn't matter. It's done. I'll give him a call.m.32 TIHKAL — The Continuation then turned and gestured to the other men. of tearing the mask of cheerful pleasantness off Shura and exposing the helpless anger and sorrow underneath it. the enemy. mysteries called Time and Space and Pattern and Meaning. and Shura said. it's done. I swore to myself that they would not read hurt in my face. Shura was the target. They'll feel exactly what we're feeling right now. finally. because he's the Bad Man. and Mr. his treasures. Fosca to return the next day for more questions and answers. slowly. Shura sat down again." "Yes. some day. There was no way to help it. And they didn't plant anything. They were gone. If I were not on another path. I would be tremendously tempted to shape a curse on these people.. and they'll see what the Divine Cactus really is. But it would be wrong." "And they didn't take the house apart and they didn't remove our letters and computers. it would poison me to carry that kind of hate inside. all the people in that patio could tell they'd wounded him. honey." "They still could. Late that night." "No. full of mysteries called alkaloids. "Tomorrow. we get in touch with that lawyer you liked when you talked with him over the phone. you know." "Let's wait and see what the lawyer advises. to enjoy his pain. and they'd gotten to him. right?" "You have a point." "And we'll take every damned piece of correspondence out of here and — well. they still might. They even believe it's all right to enjoy a moment of triumph over a person like Shura. leaving behind a promise by Mr. we summarized and speculated and reassured each other. First thing tomorrow. it had taken ten years for the baby peyotes to grow to the modest size they now were. The peyote were his darlings. then they'll understand what they've done. and they are the Good and Righteous. his honored and respected friends. remember? You said he sounded intelligent and to the point and if you ever needed a lawyer . He was the one they wanted to punish. We both turned our heads away. Fosca and his hostile friend had the satisfaction. yes. And it's okay. They stooped and got to work. and before our eyes they were being ripped out of their pots and trampled under boots. either. like an old man with painful joints. they would simply have stood us up against the patio wall and executed us. Even if they apologize later.." .

that what one DEA inspector. Fosca was as follows: "Washington wants your license. That's the bottom line. They even asked permission to use the bathroom. had referred to in his reports as a "quaint" laboratory. this time with one fellow agent. who turned out to be sharply intelligent. and I want our license off his wall. I'm just a soldier. But one thing they can't do. years before. could be described by a later one in his report. The day after that. doing my job. all in all. Maybe not forever. with a marvelously wry smile and a gently sardonic sense of humor. "It's not up to me. And Agent Fosca repeated what he had said the day before. A few days later. Shura and I brought carton after carton of letters — correspondence going back more than a decade — to the law offices. He's an embarrassment to us. "Tomorrow. I hugged him and kept quiet. "Remember. but long enough. The questioning took only a couple of hours. as we'd been given permission to do by our new attorney. Keep it legal. they can't stop us from writing. calm and quiet and not smiling today. State or Federal authorities. Fosca did return on Friday. Borodin. the bastards are coming back for the last mop-up." I added. And what good would it do if we could? He gave the order. we went to the law offices of Mr." And although we're sure we know who the General is. The one important — and new — statement from Mr.Invasion "And we can back up all our writing and put the floppies in the care of friends. Anyway you can manage it. at this point. and was mostly a review of what had been asked and answered the previous day. Finally. they were really amazingly polite. What did we learn from all this? For one thing. we'll never prove it. by offering to relinquish the license without a battle. as a "pigsty. and it's still alive and well." Yes." Shura. the way things are going. not really believing that was going to happen. They can't stop the information from going out. and left them there." said Shura. Doctor. said. something like that. Close him down. Or appeared to be. There's the First Amendment to the Constitution. just in case they do take the computers. the Great Inspection was over. Ted Cassman. Dr. and the hurt was back again. Shura might guarantee that he would not be fined or further attacked by County. and told him our story. "I assumed as much. Wonder why they were so polite?" "Stomping little peyote cacti under foot is not what I call good manners. and it must have gone like this: "Get the bastard." 33 "You know." There was a discussion about whether. with this book. but get that license from him." that just because you have absolute certainty as to your own rightness and the value ." he said.

a home) where there is a possibility of finding something amiss. than by the simple desire to remind you that they have far more power than you do. and soil samples were not doctored. and I had never understood this aspect of it before we saw it in action. and perhaps among the most valuable. even if you don't fear that power. it is understandable that they should develop this perspective. and lies were told. despite hostility and desire to punish. It wasn't hard to guess that the DEA hoped to have the State Environmental Protection people do what the DEA wanted done: find severe pollution and order Shura's lab destroyed as . an unconscious assumption takes root. but it is not good. their actions against you will be motivated less by beliefs or philosophies which run counter to your own. since it had to do with human behavior. one government agency played it straight and did not do anything illegal. After a certain time. or can't afford. you are not immune — nobody is immune — to attack by others who believe equally strongly that you are mistaken. and from portions of the hill in that same area. as explained below. Finally. "If he weren't guilty. wrong. the men in moon suits had been called in by the DEA to take samples of soil." Considering their day-to-day experiences. at any level — from beat cop to district attorney — gets used to people being found guilty of breaking regulations or laws. either for them as individuals. if the people you have annoyed are part of the government. you should at least have a healthy respect for it. or for the community which they serve.34 TIHKAL — The Continuation and merit of what you do. I can put it this way: when people who are in law enforcement go into a place (in our case. he wouldn't be under suspicion. in this case at least. there was one lesson learned which was quite unexpected. (If you don't want. get out of the game and keep quiet. Aftermath: As I've explained earlier. "I wonder if this person (suspect) is guilty of wrongdoing or not?" They do seem to go in thinking. anyone who has spent time in law-enforcement of any kind. to take the risk of bringing down on your head some of the weight of the Great Grey Battleship of Government Authority. and that. The truth is. "What can we find here which will help us make a case against this individual?" The mind-set is one of assumption that something wrong has been done.) We also learned that. both from the sump outside the lab. whether it is a civil or criminal matter." For the most part. however. they do not think. It was an insight into what I call the prosecutorial mind-set. but nothing was planted on us. and perhaps even truly "bad. They did pull a few dirty tricks.

doing research on nicotine. of no use to anyone except as analytical standards in various chromatographic assays. However. Agent Fosca reported that he felt extremely ill the day following the Thursday inspection. quite aggressive." which was a foolish request. Seltzer. We were told. that much of the film shot within the lab that Thursday. In their official paper detailing their reasons for wanting Shura to relinquish his license. obviously frustrated.Invasion a hazard to the community. very reasonable precautions against glass test tubes falling off shelves in an earthquake (Shura got to work on the problem). Fosca (with one fellow agent in tow) paid a visit to our friend Peter's laboratory in a San Francisco hospital. (When we heard that. where Shura works once a week. the demand made glaringly clear that 35 Mr. He was. which he attributed to unknown hazardous influences in the lab air. that very same day-after. and a few other. There were no other complaints. a very polite person. Fosca was more of a bully with the young Dr. he gritted his teeth and continued answering questions. too. brought in the Federal Environmental Protection Agency. himself.) Not long after that Thursday. to better ventilate the lab (Shura complied immediately). was unaccountably flawed and browned. All the moon suits found. was a fraction too much mercury in one soil sample. later. was obviously fit and healthy. it turned out. and Shura followed up with the right sequence of actions. involving expensive soil-removal companies with steel drums and special trucks. insisted on seeing "All your phenethylamines. toxic effects. Mr. Fosca. Their representatives were friendly. since the only phenethylamines present in the lab (as Peter told him) were reference samples. after having breathed the air of the Dangerous Lab. Mr. but his tolerance for rudeness is extremely limited. and I whistled the Twilight Zone theme. declined to report the laboratory as a threat to humanity. indeed. Among other things. Mr. and these inspectors. sitting with the single fellow agent. The magical laboratory still stands. mistaking Peter's quiet gentleness for weakness. we laughed and laughed. however. and he reached a boiling point within minutes. but an anger began to burn which was still throwing off sparks six months later. and did not claim to have felt any noxious. hoping that they would do a better job. who hauled away the offending yards of dirt. when developed. Some months later. Fosca. Shura and I remember him clearly. the DEA. such as a fan to be set in the wall. and made some suggestions. Fosca was focused on the main subject of PIHKAL — phenethylamines . Peter is. in fact. telling us about two other agents from the Thursday event who had fallen ill and couldn't come to work. Unusable.

Mr. was in reprisal for the publication of a book that had "Phenethylamines" in its title. this kind of thing was known as Dirty Tricks) were taken by person or persons unknown.C. what was your impression of him?" To which Mr. a man representing the DEA. upon meeting a friend of ours at a Washington. Fosca's insistence on seeing specifically any and all phenethylamines was tantamount to an admission that this lab inspection. the un-named man said. had found it necessary to close his accounts with them. was asked. Goode. with whom Shura had maintained a good business relationship for over 25 years.36 TIHKAL — The Continuation — not on scheduled drugs in particular (the laboratory has its own DEA license) or on safety conditions or correct lab procedures. D. having faced the fact that a court battle to retain his license would cost more than we could possibly afford. To the administrator. he would undoubtedly be found guilty of having broken DEA lab rules (ignorance of the law is no excuse). and there would have been nothing gained by doing so. It was easily cleaned up. which was to cause pain. The seemingly nice. Alexander Borodin. social function. in effect. regretfully. He didn't ask to be shown tryptamines. possible to prove pressure by the authorities. A year later. and there were no other problems. I've never met the man. one contained an amount of mercury just above the acceptable limit. A couple of mean-spirited actions (in the time of Watergate. Mr. levied by a local deputy District Attorney who dismissed out of hand the suggestion that . made a phone call to an administrator at the Langley Porter Psychiatric Institute. with which Shura was linked by his job at the research lab. Goode replied. Shura's possession of the peyote cacti was confirmed as being perfectly legal under his license.000. who told him what was going on. It was not. "I hear you met the famous Doctor Borodin out West. Shura relinquished his analytical license and submitted to a heavy fine of $25. after the Great Invasion. he didn't show any interest in stimulants. but otherwise not identified to Shura. stiffly. and realizing that in the end. Second of the dirty tricks: two large chemical supply companies. of course. "I haven't the slightest idea what you're talking about. sympathetic DEA chemist. too. There was only one reason to destroy them. and informed him what the EPA inspectors had really found: of several samples taken and analyzed. suddenly informed him that their rules of doing business had changed and that they. It was also a not very subtle attempt to poison the working conditions for one employee. "Why do you employ a man like Doctor Borodin? Don't you realize he's one of the worst environmental polluters in the county?" The bewildered administrator mentioned the call to Peter. he didn't make a request for opiates. One day. Dr." then turned and walked away.

almost overnight. but you have to know what their effects are and how to use them properly. eliminate the drug cartels. but that is not and will not be possible. in truth. but physicians. But the education would have to be just that: education. chemists and pharmacologists who specialize in this field. the street wars and inner city killings associated with the drug / money/power circuit. not broken rules. Never again will Shura work with a sense of absolute freedom. The authorities intended to frighten him and perhaps they even hoped to silence him. Education and legal access would. not the police. about drugs in general and most particularly about the psychedelics and their appropriate uses in psychotherapy and spiritual exploration. but could be habituating to a few. but it runs counter to the presently accepted official policy in this country. Some drugs seem to be either harmful or addicting to most users. but a book. Certain drugs which are now illegal can be used by healthy adults with relative safety and no threat of addiction. We felt. Other drugs can be used safely by most people. Drug education will be provided across the country and the teachers will no longer be police or politicians. including information that was factual and valid. Those few must have access to good medical care if they get into trouble. while we are alive and able to speak and write. We are far from alone in this point of view. not propaganda." Most of those who believe that the War on Drugs is destructive. as well as most of the general public. that drug use is the right of a free adult citizen. Drug abuse.Invasion what was being attacked was.) Nobody in a position of real power and influence in government has the courage to say. unwinnable and morally wrong. (Several generations of high school and college students have grown up ignoring and disbelieving everything they've heard from officials and police about drugs. and still feel. we believe. and we will do our best to inform you fully regarding their effects and track records. These include most psychedelics. he's had a taste of that particular form of power-flexing peculiar to people who are employed by government agencies. as we now do with prescription drugs. should be the concern of the medical community. publicly: 37 "We made a mistake. as long as there is information supplied as to proper and safe use of each drug. tend to blame an almost universal ignorance on the part of lawmakers. It is also possible to . because they had discovered for themselves that most of what had been taught them was simply not true.

between nuclear power. . including psychedelic drugs and plants. terrible. our civilizations and our very species may have a short future indeed. if it is to survive much longer on earth. the dark side. As far as the human species is concerned. bacteriological mutations. and an unacknowledged certainty that the Shadow. among others. deprived people all across the world." I blame something else. "Cui Bono. prison-building and maintenance and expansion of military power. I believe that there is an intense. this fear and hostility towards anything that opens up the human unconscious will continue. and realization that it is possible for that dark aspect to undergo transforma- tion. Otherwise. rockbottom truth about the nature of mankind. The present beginnings of a police state will flower into something still called the United States. using all the tools available. it will have to urge its best minds and most moral souls to devote their time and energy to further and deeper study of the human psyche and its dark side. and too often by religion. in most of us. This fear. as explained later in Shura's chapter. is indeed the final. Until there is a growth of understanding of the Shadow side of us. unconscious fear of the hidden depths of the human psyche. ecological devastation and the rising anger of hungry. has been nurtured in a thousand ways by family and culture. but unrecognizable as a democracy and a land of freedom.38 TIHKAL — The Continuation blame the extraordinarily lucrative industries that have grown in response to the needs of the drug-war: urine testing.

By the time we're ready to leave the bed and heat up some good soup on the stove." and then I filled him in on the gossip part of things — who the Great Arnold was. just to the action and special effects." He said. It's called 'Terminator 2' and I thought we might give it a try. and everything else we could think of. I told Shura. there is a scene where the first . and perhaps I will have taped a few really interesting things. we will have discussed everything that has happened during the past few days: phone calls we forgot to share. as was the case last night. I brought home a video tape of a movie. our worries and delights. Valentine's Day Massacre is suffering from severe cultural deprivation. parenthetically. was that he didn't take himself too seriously. but that in a movie like this. why not.Lourdes 39 CHAPTER 2. we warm up the bedroom with the little floor heater if it's winter. usually once or twice a week. phone calls go on the answering machine. (I sincerely believe that anyone raised in the United States who doesn't know anything about the St. We both love "Northern Exposure. or turn on the big portable fan if it's the middle of summer. or a documentary on the gangsters of the '30's. you don't pay attention to plot. "Sure. When the soup is hot. and the fact that his greatest virtue. is when we've set aside an evening to spend with each other. LOURDES (Alice's voice) One evening. like an archeological dig in ancient Mayan ruins." and we do just that. We call it "closing off. whom he had married. or anything else on television. I said that the plot might or might not be terrific. I gathered. In the beginning of Terminator 2. we go into the living room and watch something on television." even in reruns. that the only time Shura will sit still to watch a movie. and we make love and talk.) Or I will have rented a movie. "This one's pure action. and we find music on the radio. I should add. which I urge him to watch in the interests of his general education. and it's famous for the special effects.

happened on a cave in the side of a hill near her village. dimly-lit alley. knowing full well how much I know about electromagnetism and/or space-time continuums. of course. in an idle moment. just to see what it all looked like. such a tear." to which he grunted. had some exposure to the story of the miracle of Lourdes when the movie. We had attended a conference in northern Germany. She was a not-verybright 14 year-old who. Now. unmistakable evidence of the depression of spirit and loss of energy that seeps in with poverty. And today. Most people of my children's generation have never heard of Lourdes and don't have the slightest idea who Saint Bernadette was. increasingly drier landscape. "There are always lots of electromagnetic disturbances when you tear a hole in the space-time continuum. his naked body spilling out of a patch of darkness. there is a lot of fancy crackling and zapping of electricity." came out — I think it was in the '40's — making a young actress. After a stay overnight in a delightful little town we'd never heard of. we had embarked on the rest of our adventure. I explained to Shura that all the lightning effects were — in case he was wondering — "A rent in the space-time continuum." and . had actually happened. famous and sending people like me to the libraries and bookstores to find out more. thinking about rents in time and space with or without lightning bolts. where she was greeted by a Being she called "The Lady. as I'd hoped it would be. Before he appears. People of my age. called Libourne. in the middle of the night. the miles of grapevines and fruit trees. the rolling hills and fields. at which Shura had given a talk. as I continued. The movie was tremendous fun. in the south of France. He has been sent there from the future. The place is a very famous grotto in a town called Lourdes.40 TIHKAL — The Continuation Terminator — the "good" one — is about to be delivered onto the floor of a wide. untended yards. "The Song of Bernadette. Jennifer Jones. As we watched through the train windows. richly green against red-brown earth were — very gradually — replaced by a flatter. and I read everything available about Bernadette Soubirous. I remembered the closest I ever came — at least consciously and knowingly — to a real place where such a rent. which included a stop in Lourdes. The earlier large. neatly tended cottages with their pretty gardens slowly gave way to little houses with bare. we took our next train and settled down for a long stretch through beautiful winegrowing countryside around the Bordeaux area. in 1878. to be followed by a train trip along the French and Italian Rivieras. in the United States at least. (just in time for the weekly street market). I've always had a strong interest in so-called miracles." Shura replied with a barely detectable nod of the head. and Shura and I stopped there — at my urging — during a trip to Europe in the early '80's.

I'm expecting junk and crutches. to see and feel it for myself. It's just that I've never had a chance to see a miracle site. shining against the deep green of the hills. she informed the child that the water was holy and had the power to heal." said Shura." The dry foothills had grown into tree-covered mountains. the Pyrenees. bathed in. and since I'm not a Catholic I wasn't coming to see the grotto with expectations of a cure or any kinds of answers to deep questions. Shouldering our backpacks. we stepped down from the train. He would roll up his scientific skepticism with the extra socks in his backpack. " "Well. Then. no sweat. famous for healings that 41 had reputedly taken place (for a few lucky people). I knew that the shrine at Lourdes had become big business. Good ok Catholic Church. it's all right with me. there appeared on the bank of the river — completely unexpected and somehow shocking — an immense cathedral. . We took our places near the open metal gate in the foyer of the train car and stood watching the dramatic peaks and chasms flashing by. I had wanted to visit the actual place. where the original miracle had taken place. or poured onto a sick limb or troubled head. or cave. as the train rounded a curve. they sure know how to catch your attention! Finally. "You realize.. He had only one reservation. or whatever the grotto turned out to be. piney air. Shura had been his usual accommodating self. I didn't care about any of that. and enjoy the adventure with me. don't you. if that's what you call it . The grotto had become a Catholic shrine. and I was prepared for the inevitable commercialization and cheapening of it. When I first proposed that we visit Lourdes. or tunnel. are you ready for that?" "Sure. I just wanted to see the actual rock. when water from the "miraculous" spring had been drunk. "Just don't want you to be disappointed.. somewhat surprised at the number of variously capped and cloaked nurses gathered on the platform. The spring had come into being when the Lady told young Bernadette to scratch in the earth just inside the shallow cave.Lourdes found herself in trouble when she told other people about it. The first thing visible of Lourdes was a wide river flowing clean and ice-blue far below us. we pulled into the Lourdes station. and said he thought it might be an interesting experience to actually see the site of a long-past miraculous event. taking in lungfuls of the sharp. Ever since I'd seen the movie and read those books. when water bubbled up. there'll probably be a lot of crutches hanging around and tourist junk all over the place. white and blue and gold. It doesn't make me want to see the grotto less.

Tired from the long ride. indeed it is. petunias and tiny blue flowers I couldn't name. as we began moving down the grey paving stones of the boulevard. many with fronts open to the street. and went to bed early. my legs were beginning to tire. we registered at a modest little hotel on what appeared to be the main street. There were carefully tended lawns and beds of bright flowers. doesn't it?" He grinned and focused his camera on a venerable patriarch in a long black robe. We didn't stay around to watch the stretchers coming off the train. of course. we soon found ourselves on a long. bless her heart. scarves. complete with bushy white beard and a somewhat incongruous black beret perched at a jaunty angle over his springing white eyebrows. "Is that the kid who started it all?" I said "Yes. To our left. In the center of the oval was a stone pillar. I nudged Shura and whispered. Some strolled meditatively. I paused to look at the figure and Shura asked. lined up against the station wall. The river flowed to our right. rosaries swinging and bouncing from their woven belts. very wide boulevard. As we made our way from our hotel along the gradually descending main street. There were also little statues of Bernadette. There were numerous large black wheelchairs with hoods. built on top . was the side of the cathedral. and paused to appreciate and photograph.42 TIHKAL — The Continuation waiting for disabled and ill pilgrims who would need their help. but it was obviously the Madonna who kept the tourist trade bustling. Madonna spoons. spitting and foaming under a wide. We came to a large oval of grass. all of it surrounded by a bed of marigolds. hats. The town of Lourdes. and even ashtrays. supporting a lifesized statue of the Madonna. She was kneeling over her own little garden of marigolds and pansies growing in the shade. On the winding path we passed monks dressed in long. we saw shop after shop. walking at varying speeds. while a few hurried. is built on sloping hills which eventually take all feet down to the river which rushes. Exploration would wait until morning. but proceeded into the town to find a place to stay the night. We crossed over the river and walked into a lovely park which stretched far ahead of us to where we could see the spires of the cathedral. as we discovered after breakfast. We walked on until we came upon a modest statue of Bernadette Soubirous under a branching tree at the side of the path. sashed at the waist. hands clasped behind them. grey stone bridge." When we finally reached the plaza in front of the cathedral. planted down the middle with carefully spaced trees. We paused to read the signs which indicated that the Grotto was somewhere to the right of the elaborate edifice towering above us. Strolling in that general direction. "Looks like something out of the Middle Ages. selling plastic water bottles (for the holy water from the spring) with Madonnas on them. brown robes.

Maybe the tears are a sign of that. I've just got to track down the cave. I felt wetness on my cheeks. Tears were actually flowing from my eyes. There were long benches and plain wooden chairs scattered across the promenade. I thanked him profusely and continued walking. why don't I leave you to wander at your own pace for a while. separated by several yards. I was feeling very cheerful. . now. We moved on. feeling rather stupid. I passed some large. and I'll be satisfied. set against the cliff.Lourdes of a cliff which continued straight ahead for what might have been a quarter of a mile before it vanished into a hillside full of trees. room-sized enclosures. Maybe maybe. completely astonished." I said. Maybe there's more emotion in my unconscious about this whole thing than I've realized. "C'est lá. connecting the ends of the rows. forming three sides of a square. and resumed walking. I wasn't feeling sad. I'll be somewhere around here. at that moment. and I'm going to get brisk and follow the pavement 43 to where it ends. and four or five benches faced the cliff. elderly patients in the big. I tried to guess from the placement of benches whether I was getting nearer. So I went up to a French gendarme who was standing near one of the planted trees. still scanning what I could see of the cliff face beyond where I was walking. which I decided must be the baths I'd read about. nurses pushing what appeared to be mostly bent-over. I would have described myself as actually quite happy. "Well. Against the face of the cliff there were open bins of pale blue candles. I still couldn't see anything ahead of me to indicate the presence of a special place. looking very bored. for no discernible reason." He gave me a fast kiss on the cheek. but I caught sight of one young invalid with a pale face. in fact. going past me. hands clasped behind him. a holy cave in the cliff side. honey. Tears made no sense. As I approached the next tree. "Go ahead. gesturing toward the cliff face ahead of me in a way that implied I had to be blind not to see it. wheeled around and took off. Suddenly. where sick people were immersed in the holy water. and after a few minutes Shura turned to me and made a suggestion. I stopped. just to get a general view — okay?" "Sure. even a bit excited by the search. I had gone only a little way when it occurred to me that the benches immediately ahead were placed somewhat more purposefully than most of the others on the boulevard. There were people everywhere. "Oú est la Grotto?" I asked in my best French. Two rows of them were lined up at right-angles to the rock face. facing in all directions. his thin body sprawled awkwardly in the seat. See ya later. black-hooded wheelchairs. priced according to length." he snapped. Madame. I decided to ignore them. dark grey. We exchanged amused looks.

only a few feet deep. and on it was standing a statue — perhaps four feet high — of the Madonna. My God! It's still here! Whatever happened to Bernadette Soubirous is still going on. I turned at the feel of his hand on my shoulder and said. "She has rosies on her toesies. I saw it. and stood very still. then shrugged. and I could move at my own pace. I breathed deeply. searching for a face among them which would reflect what I was sensing from the cave. remembering that Saint Bernadette had described The Lady as having bare feet. just taking everything in. The sense of piercing joy was still there. What are you feeling?" . perhaps they were feeling it. The place. the gold-painted roses placed next to each big toe. As I went past the statue. I was sitting on a bench. sweet potatuh. as I stood there. honey. I can't ask them. I thought. and my mind sang a silly phrase. someone else who was tuned in." as I turned away. and stopped to look. so unmoving. under a thick oval of glass set in the floor of the cave. Not a deep tunnel into the cliff. with a golden rose on each. facing the cave. I walked slowly over to where worn velvet ropes indicated the proper place to stand in line. but there were some still figures whose heads were bent to their chests. Halfway up the curve of the cave wall. "Wow. My breath caught. what an experience!" He said. I felt it: a sense of singing. maybe they were sitting so quietly. floating in what was coming from it. not looking around. then straightened up and walked out. as I had imagined. almost but not quite audible. on the right. singing through my body. with its white robe and blue cape. When Shura came up to me. presumably surrounding the miracle spring. Then. and I let it out very slowly. Can you feel what's coming from the cave?" Shura looked where I was pointing. which were at my eye-level. because they were bathing in that energy. still alive! I looked at the people sitting here and there on the benches. I saw on the feet. My gaze followed the back of the cave around to the left. "I guess I can't. so I'll never be sure. I bent down to see the bubbling water of the sacred stream." "Stand here for a minute. "Tell me about it. a few minutes later. where bunches of flowers were gathered in ceramic vases on the ground. and an intense joy that beamed out directly to me from the cave. while my body resonated with the euphoria. but a shallow little cave.44 TIHKAL — The Continuation And suddenly. was a ledge. I couldn't spot any face which conveyed a response to that unheard singing. There were only a couple of people ahead of me.

adding regretfully. yah!" At the top." said Shura. While I waited for Shura. We went into the cathedral. I coughed and continued. Needs ten more minutes. I felt like a teenager. joy. I could feel nothing familiar. just before I'd reached the grotto. I told Shura about the strange tears which had run down my face. who was climbing the stairs in the normal way. we turned around and made our way back out. "May as well see all the highlights. and swallowed the white powder with water held in my cupped hands. because there was nothing important inside to be experienced. "I thought I'd take this now. heading back the way we'd come." I began. maybe. let's go. but I could detect nothing yet of the expected MDMA effect. We reached the bottom of the broad stairway which led up to the cathedral. I'm picking up something. yah. My energy level was more than high." "That's all right. but after only a few moments. and described all over again the radiance which had pushed into me. I told Shura. and I realized that my usually tired legs not only felt strong. and we both knew it. Do you mind?" "Go ahead. while we're here!" I paused and opened my purse. for us. they were actually tingling with energy. feeling rather selfish." said Shura. rocking slightly on his heels. to search for the small plastic envelope containing 120 milligrams of MDMA that I'd brought with me from home. We resumed our slow walk toward the cathedral stairs which were visible at the end of the cliff face. shouting something like "Yah. patient man. 45 There hasn't been enough time to feel effects since I took it. near the bins of candles. who was standing where I'd left him. hands in his pockets. there was a marble apron. "It's like a singing without any sound." I reassured him. "Well. I found myself running up the stairs. Then I rejoined Shura.Lourdes I stood and took his hand. to see if the MDMA had perhaps taken effect much faster than usual. but it's probably from you. And there's an intense feeling of happiness. for no apparent reason." "Wow. "Wish I could tune into it. "Want to take a look at the cathedral?" "Sure. it's just beaming out from that cave as if no time has passed since the whole thing first happened. pulling him by the hand. I gave myself a chance to look inward. "Whatever turns you on!" I went over to one of the taps built into the side of the rock face." said my lovely. where I panted for a while until I'd caught my breath. so that maybe I can sharpen my ability to see whatever's in the cathedral. wishing he could share it. then realized that my throat was closing on tears." I said. and before I could think about it. "Okay. ringed by a balustrade. The .

and declared her the Madonna. we stopped at a bookstore and when we went in. The church just took her over. especially the church people. I asked for any book they might have about Bernadette Soubirous. When we were walking in the park again. I said to Shura. I was already there! I still am. calculated to bewilder everyone. Back at our hotel. in the little grotto. who passed it on to the Vatican. somewhat cheaply produced paperback in French. stopping occasionally to ask Shura to translate a word I didn't know. huh?" "Of course not. when they've come for a healing. she apologized for not having anything in English. kneeling as always at the entrance of the cave. the cathedral behind us. In the town. a short. zen kind of name. and would be venerated as such from then on. and what the little book told me was not only surprising. is that it?" "Yeah! She never said anything of the sort! She said." chuckled Shura.' which is a wonderful. The Lady answered. 'My name is Aquero. How do you like them apples?" "And you're excited because the Lady didn't say she was the Madonna. and most of the tourists are probably Catholic anyway. I began to read." I grinned. and I think I've got the answer. in-your-face. considering the holes it punched in their official story. the Madonna. she did as she was ordered. mother of Christ. it was deeply satisfying. 'My name is Aquero. "You know what. laughing. My energy level is so high — it's been extraordinary ever since I was at the grotto — I think the MDMA simply couldn't take me anywhere.46 TIHKAL — The Continuation mystery was outside. I'd say. They weren't about to have some over-imaginative young girl's fantasy leaving the impression that there might be another explanation of who and what The Lady was!" "Pretty good. putting the book down and clasping my hands behind my neck.' which made no sense to Bernadette. as a matter of fact." I added. indeed. I told Shura. It's a totally new piece of information that nobody ever talks about. was why the church hadn't gotten rid of this publication. "And no one's questioned it since then.' which is a word used in this region to mean something like 'That's the way it is. "It says that when the local priests told Bernadette to ask 'The Lady' what her name was. babe? The MDMA never took effect! I've been trying to figure out why. and that was that. the Catholic church pronounced officially that the being known as The Lady was.' or 'So be it. The only obvious question. and all the rest was the Catholic church. and this whole Aquero thing wouldn't seem . After that. "And probably nobody bothers reading a little book like this. but she obediently carried the message back to the village authorities. and a young woman handed me what she explained was the only one available.

considering. See you in the morning. of course. so many years afterwards? Does it mean that. thinking to ourselves. so much. . we slept. of course. makes no sense. Love as energy. and. it can make a bridge to where we are. Which. honey. the only meaning." agreed Shura." I kissed his spine. It was much more than I'd expected. until I got up and said I thought it was a good time for me to start packing if we were leaving on the train early in the morning. then said. for coming here for me. There it is.Lourdes 47 important to them. it stays open? Does it mean that whatever came through in Bernadette's time will continue to come through. where the original opening was made. and it's all there. Time has nothing to do with it. There's still the great question remaining: how can that blast of joyous. so. and the bridge remains. to be caught by the occasional visitor like me? What is its message? I folded shirts and socks into our backpacks. trying to sort out the sensations that had pushed into and around me. I'm very grateful. and I love you to bits. But there it was. the more it had to be the Madonna. "And the more miraculous healings there were at the spring. All you have to do is stand in front of that place. Whatever space it exists in." He yawned. too. I murmured. "Love you. It's outside of time. once a tear is made in the fabric of our reality. It was a kind of love — a form of love — which simply says Yes to everything. said goodnight. After I'd finished repacking. little one. "Thank you so. love as joy. we went to bed." We were both silent. and I never thought I'd actually experience one. It turns out it's a real miracle place. with the friendly sounds of people talking and laughing as they passed in the lamplit street below. heart-piercing singing still be going on." "Makes sense. love as the only reason there is. Curled to Shura's back.

and what was happening. where am I?" .) We agree with the proponents of the plant about its incredible virtues. and as Shura says. But we are alike in a lot of ways. and it was a disastrous one. that's right. in the ways our minds work. (We also share a dislike of Wagner's music. I would begin the entire process of identifying myself and my reality all over again. After the wall had cut me off. to slow down one's sense of time. in dozens of small yea's and nay's. but strongly habituating. I found my awareness chopped into tensecond segments. Ah. and sometimes dissimilar reactions to experimental drugs. CLANG: "Who am I?" "I'm Alice. and that can be a fascinating experience. just as I had managed to remember who I was. I mean something entirely personal. but that's another story. and one of the many things we share is an inability to enjoy marijuana. Not physically addicting. For millions of people around the world. We have different abilities and gifts. neither of us seems to be able to learn anything worthwhile from taking it." "Oh. and its well-established medical value. like no other drug I know. Well. separated by a wall of amnesia that clanged down. We also know that it can be habituating to some. yes. My first experiment with marijuana was when I was in my twenties.48 TIHKAL — The Continuation CHAPTER 3 THE DRED AND OTHER . its general usefulness as a source of fabric and paper. But when I say we dislike it. in body chemistry. There's one exception to that non-learning statement: marijuana can be used. LEARNING EXPERIENCES (Alice's voice) Shura and I are very different people. which is certainly not in its favor. we feel uncomfortable with its effects. it is the preferred drug for relaxation and de-stressing. yes. where I was.

that's it. come on! I want you to give this stuff a real try." And so on and so on. When I said I'd had enough. I hoped that one of the apartments was my normal . and he decided that the circumstances of my first experiment with pot — mind-set perhaps — must have been wrong in some way. He kept telling me to inhale. with him. Alice. that's my girl!" So I kept inhaling until I began to feel very dizzy. in my home. slow down. had me sit down under the trees at the back of the house. He patted my head approvingly. Looking at the eight levels or tracks from the outside. people are resilient and forgetful.The Dred and Other Learning Experiences "Sitting on my couch. this time. seated on my couch. arrogant and extremely controlling. Suddenly there was a fifth and a sixth level. while I sat and saw the world split into one. I sat cross-legged. "This time it will be a wonderful experience. of course." Inside the house. In my thirties. stop coming at me. three. and inhale again. and it made me uncomfortable. Just breathe it in. for a while. Things are getting complicated. which I could occasionally do. four versions of Alice watching sunlight flowing over branches and twigs. four levels of vision. the one I had been living in before smoking the marijuana." "What am I doing?" "I've taken marijuana. just very strong. because I had to stay braced against the next surge. gave me a marijuana cigarette and watched while I went through the usual coughing and recovery. feeling the intense push of wave after wave of sensation. was like seeing an eight-story apartment building with the outer wall removed. I had a boyfriend called Steven who was brilliant. wild plants and brown-edged leaves in the dry riverbed below. I counted a final total of eight levels. he let me stop. four levels of reality. "I promise you. wondering if it would ever mellow out." CLANG: 49 "Who am I?" "My name is Alice. Just leave it to me!" He took me outside. and he insisted that I should take it once more. "I want to go in. I didn't enjoy the feeling. When I finally came out of it. two." he said firmly. took the cigarette out of my fingers and finished it himself. Trust me. please. "Come on. and I turned to Steven and said. I resolved never to touch the stuff again. It was impossible to relax. I knew it wasn't dangerous or hostile. and wondered which was the real one. But. for hours. and I'm trying to make sense out of all this.

to feel out every thought-form and all the not-quite-right versions of myself. and everything kept shifting into something else. time to grow up and move on. I've got a sense that there's a secret agenda somewhere. betrayed. great! That'll work out nicely. seated across from me in an armchair. then. By the time the defensive mental scrambling had begun to clear. eyes closed. hours had gone by. Got to find my way out. . while the others slowly faded and thinned until finally. and anxiety had been replaced by a lovely. splitting — Wonder if this is how paranoia feels. Want to give it a try?" "I'd love to. that I'm being set up. perhaps — and one day he invited me to go with him to a party. and I shared it with Shura Borodin. When we had passed it. quite coldly and finally. some versions of me decided. by somebody or something." "I'll pick you up Saturday at eleven. smiling." It was a long drive. The party in the woods is between noon and five-ish. At the time. a couple of good friends of mine are having some kind of get-together on Saturday. friendly and familiar. I've got to get out. simmering anger. with Ruth and George?" "That's not 'til much later." "Oh. I was myself. And on several of the eight levels or tracks. The next experiment with marijuana was many years later. The other apartments looked similar. if I was to sort it all out and bring an end to the loud confusion. So I had to look carefully. that I'd had enough of this relationship with Steven. I hadn't known Shura for long — six or seven months. but here and there a piece of furniture — so to speak — was out of place. Thank you — it sounds wonderful. I was where I belonged. and I think you'd really enjoy them. so that gives us plenty of time to get back to San Francisco for Iolanthe. Shura. I glanced at my friend. But aren't we going to the Gilbert and Sullivan thing on Saturday. and the coast highway was unusually sunny. "By the way. The reality track that I belonged to had settled in. after we'd caught up on general news.50 TIHKAL — The Continuation world. that it was time to stop being the classic approval-seeking victim. all right?" "I'll be ready. they have a house in the woods near Santa Cruz. and became aware of a growing suspicion that he had known all this would happen — the fracturing. the fog hadn't yet resumed its summer habit of moving in from the ocean onto the coastal hills in the afternoon. He phoned me on a Thursday evening and. The little car rounded a curve and we caught our breath at the sight of a particularly dramatic rock formation rising from the cobalt and silver sea. or a door didn't have the right shape. Shura asked. he said.

" "No. a long. Lovely lady. The house is about a block down from here. trying to be heard above the noise. There's food everywhere. Through the windows of the little green car. the stocky. I don't remember hearing those names. curly-haired man smiled with real warmth. People were everywhere. with a figure to die for. and when I said hello she leaned close to me. and when Shura put his hand on my shoulder and introduced me. talking and laughing. Shura swung off the road. A few feet away. snug redwood nests looking out over the blue-misted valley. next to a long 51 . Several oversized floor pillows were occupied (like the rest of the furniture) by a variety of sprawling people. I caught glimpses of houses built on the slopes above and below us." Aaron met us at his gate. and announced. which was made out of raw redwood planks. Grace is in the kitchen. red-brown hair in a thick braid down her back. What would you like to drink?" Beautiful eyes that really see you.The Dred and Other Learning Experiences "Have I told you anything about Aaron and Grace. who wore her long. Aaron led us to the kitchen. the trunk of an immense live-oak thrust upward through a circle cut in the weathered redwood floor. they're two of my favorite people." He led us down a short stairway between immense fern plants. our hosts? I don't think I have. good friends. I've known them both for years. "Hi. and I sat down on a bench. Alice. funny. some waving celery sticks and pretzels as they talked. where I was introduced to a slim woman. and made my way through sliding glass doors onto a wide deck running the length of the house. The one they put on the pretty Christmas cards." "Well. right?" "You've got it. into a space between two parked cars. but I didn't know about the Amanita part of it. including the use of the Amanita muscaria by a tribe known as the Berserkers — which you may have heard of — " "I've heard of the Berserkers. That's the famous magic mushroom with the red cap and white spots. alive face. directing the food traffic. I left Shura talking animatedly with Aaron and another man he apparently knew. to the front door. intelligent. They co-authored a superb book on psychoactive mushrooms in ancient Scandinavia. Finally. "Here's where we disembark." We left the highway and drove uphill. worn leather couch and a couple of padded armchairs. Equipped with a glass of chilled apple juice. its branches and leaves shading almost the entire deck. there was a living room with large windows. sitting and standing. Inside. "Glad to meet you. She had a handsome. and the face says she laughs a lot. a few inches taller than I. Alice! Make yourself at home.

a rather stout man with thinning hair." I shrugged. Somebody called out. waving what looked like a very large. dressed in old jeans and a bulky. man. His name was easy for me to remember. and turned around on the bench so I could watch the other guests and see Shura when he came outside." "It's not my particular ally." We turned and saw. either. fat. Chuck?" "It's from Africa. "But I guess a quick toke or two isn't going to do any harm. bluejacket. "I haven't had much luck with marijuana. black cigar. Shura and I and one of the guests — a tall." "Probably not. lanky blond man who had happily identified himself as the best unrecognized artistic genius in Northern California — were engaged in an enthusiastic discussion of an exhibit at the Oakland Museum to which Shura had taken me the previous weekend. they are and you will!" A little over an hour later. Real good stuff. "Believe me. Want to try it?" "Maybe. he spotted me immediately and waved. sorry to say. from what I'd seen of them. I'm not going to take more than a couple of drags. "Hey. Don't ask me why. and that. When Shura emerged onto the deck. We found ourselves competing to deliver the most devastating description of the work of the featured artist. It's like nothing you ever tried before. so far. "I confess I'm curious about that weird looking cigar. kid?" I said I was doing fine. powerful. if you think we shouldn't —" I began." said Shura. Aaron and Grace seemed like the kind of people I would enjoy knowing. especially at somebody else's house. "How ya doin'." "Well. no." "I usually have a rule for myself." he interrupted." said Shura. because there was a famous classical pianist I admired who had the same name. holding a glass of red wine. as usual. smiling the smile I was already in love with. cheerfully. looks like. I wonder how 'Dred' is spelled?" . He said. that's its name. Suddenly. though. and it's called The Dred. "Some kind of African pot. just a bit. "Don't take anybody else's drug. "No. who — we all agreed — was an absolute con-man. just in case that name constitutes a warning to the consumer. a deep voice called out. anybody who wants to share this with me is welcome. take my word!" Shura said to me. and asked. hesitantly. at the far end of the deck.52 TIHKAL — The Continuation wooden table covered with a red and white checked tablecloth. it's marijuana. I helped myself to some potato chips and salsa from earthenware bowls. He joined me on the bench. "What the hell is it.

When it was in front of me. I turned to him and said.The Dred and Other Learning Experiences I laughed and we both joined the line of guests waiting to sample the cigar. "I'm sorry. something came down fast. I can just see me in the middle of shaking hands when the effects hit!" Shura pressed my arm. and added. I remembered that it usually took ten to fifteen minutes between inhaling and becoming aware of the first changes. not wanting to have a coughing fit in front of everyone. that always happens to me. when." I said. waiting — a bit nervously — for something to happen. and told him I was fine. this time. There was no sound within the cone. patting me on the back. grinning. I drew in the smoke carefully. 53 drawing in pot smoke always made me cough violently." This time. Despite the fact that I smoked cigarettes and should have been able to handle it smoothly. sharing impressions about the house and its surrounding trees. thanks very much. "I think we'll stop there. a moment later. It felt like a narrow tent. I was surrounded by understanding smiles as I made my way." he gestured. "And I'd like to say hello. This time was no exception. am I right?" I giggled. "Yeah. I folded my hands on the checkered cloth in front of me. Shura said to the man called Chuck. then I did the same." he grinned. I sat on the bench facing the plates of celery stalks and carrot sticks. and I recovered immediately. "I'll be over at the food table. "I would introduce you. Shura accepted the cigar and took a deep lungful of the smoke. in case I get the munchies. "Would you mind if I left you on your own. I was still sitting there." "Don't apologize. When we reached the railing. at least with ordinary marijuana. We stood together. potato chips." "Go ahead. but this may not be quite the moment. not hurrying it. to the opposite end of the deck. I couldn't hear the . Our young artist friend had gone elsewhere and. from over my head. looked closely at my face. concentrating on inhaling smoothly. for a couple of minutes? I just spotted an old friend. Only one cough followed. or cone. apparently offering second draws to those who wanted them. and pretty painted bowls of olives and salsa. I noticed that the owner of the cigar was walking around the deck. stopping every few steps for a coughing fit. "That's what I was thinking. When he came abreast of us." He hesitated. "You okay now?" I drew a shaky breath. too. and Shura looked down at me. my voice rasping." The blue jacket moved away. looking around for him. and it enveloped me. Shura just behind me.

and observed with calm interest that my body was standing. I'm putting my right thumb on top of the edge of this table. The Cone of Silence is not unknown among people who take psychedelic drugs. I'm sure it will pass. there was a feeling of concern. If / topple over sideways. I sat frozen. "But please indulge me for a moment. leaning one elbow on the end of the long table. He guided me away from my bench. I was imprisoned. But this was different. and I'll be dreadfully embarrassed in front of all these people. not knowing what's wrong. "Can you talk?" I managed to move my head slowly from side to side. it's going to scare everybody." he said. I couldn't hear anything. "Are you all right. okay? Just do your best to focus on my two fingers . But I could think. and then I'm going to bring you out of this. I could only sit there and hope I stayed upright. and my index finger on the bottom. very slowly. I couldn't move. If I don't die. and he's asking me to guess how thick a tabletop is! What's he DOING?" "I know this doesn't make sense. if I just sit here. my eyes fixed on the fingers tightly locked on the table before me. and Shura's voice came through the walls of the cone. helpless. my emotions. Strangely enough. cut off. Maybe I won't fall over. my dear. sounding far away. Then I realized that I was being poisoned. It was as if. I could see Shura's face in the periphery of my vision. He spoke again. at the sunny end of the deck. okay?" I nodded. then pulled up a stool and sat down right in front of me. and I want you to tell me how thick this tabletop is. then. how many inches are between my two fingers?" What the hell is he talking about? I'm sitting here. and it is usually associated with a feeling of peacefulness and interior quiet. so he's making sure he's within my field of vision. paralyzed and poisoned. wondering if I was going to pass out. I felt Shura's big hands in my armpits." urged Shura. speaking slowly. and — still holding me up — led me to a lounge chair a few feet away. I'm going to help you up and take you to where you can lie down. "All right. the words echoing slightly inside the greenish cone that surrounded me. or die. perhaps even worry. A hand cupped my shoulder. I had been cored like an apple. "I want you to concentrate on what my hand is doing. Shura will be horrified.54 TIHKAL — The Continuation voices of others on the deck. "Now. listen to me carefully. He knows I can't move my head. from head to toe. Alice?" I couldn't manage speech. if I keep leaning forward onto the table until it passes. like my body. were in a state of suspension. He lowered me into it. and something toxic and acid-green was being poured into the hole. honey. but no real fear. Alice.

All right. into the house. but there was still a prickle left that was hard to shake. because he's going to keep at me until I give him an answer. he walked me slowly between small clusters of people talking on the deck. although there was an occasional friendly. But I'm still feeling pretty edgy. Maybe it has something to do with getting your ego back in control. He settled me into a big Mexican cane chair next to the post. I hadn't minded. How many inches of wood between the two fingers? Looks like two. if you can get yourself to focus on something. really focus your mind on a single point. "Hi!" Shura guided me to the shaded side of the deck. They paid us no attention. and I watched him run." my tall magician said. as it usually is with marijuana. Then he leaned towards me. and all he seemed to want to do was hold onto the . staggering a bit. I was watching his face. Open my mouth and say the words." Shura smiled and leaned forward to grasp my hands. "Wow!" "Come out of the sun. right now. though. I don't know. but my arm had already gone up to protect my eyes from the sunlight. I suppose I'm just going to have to play his silly game. "You did it! Now you can move! You're going to be okay!" I looked at him in disbelief. for the most part. I'm going to have to appear grateful. the paralysis had gone. and when I was sure I wasn't dizzy and could move without doing anything embarrassing. Shura rescued me. where there was a rainbowcolored hammock strung between a tree trunk and a heavy post. he knew what to do and I'm going to be all right. It should have been completely gone. Alice. I said. his hands on his knees.The Dred and Other Learning Experiences 55 and tell me how many inches you think there are between them. He was alone. "Two." Oh. when his color changed. particularly one man who was acting strangely. and his hands flew apart to grasp the edges of the hammock. wondering what he was going to say." I heard my voice croaking. Then he was propelling himself like a rocket out of the big woven cradle. I'd been watching the other people on the deck. and opened his mouth to speak. Concentrate. I sat back and smiled shakily at him. but time was still a bit stretched. and wiggled himself down into the hammock. God. and I felt as if it had been close to an hour. I only know it works!" My irritation was beginning to dissipate. because there's no excuse for being anything else. and I realized that he was absolutely right. "How did you do that? What was all that idiotic stuff about the thickness of a tabletop?" "It's an old trick. It was probably no more than ten or fifteen minutes before he reappeared. you can break out of that kind of freeze. I smiled at him and gave myself a shake. and held out both hands to pull me up. "Two inches.

So that explains the irritability. but for some reason no one else was sharing our road at that particular time. driving a bit faster than I thought wise. instead of being relieved and grateful when Shura got me out? Aaaah. I knew what he was going through. prepared to tell him whenever another car approached." Boy-oh-boy-oh-boy! We should have stayed at the house until he was all right. Maybe I'll feel real anger later. "Let's get out of here. right now. of course! Loss of power. with several false starts and squeals of brake. He didn't even make an effort to smile. After a few minutes. Not too smart. and you can concentrate on what's in front. driving when he's like this. when he began to do just that. he wasn't smiling. Shura backed the car out of the parking space very carefully. "Could you watch — watch the road behind us? I can't look in the — the mirror. I'll turn around and keep my eyes on the road in back. and all he said was. the rear — the rear-view mirror. Looks like the black cigar got him. I'm pretty sure I'll feel anger later. it was all I could feel of the anger underneath. so leave that part to me. boy!" I muttered. on our way to the front door. and from the look on his very pale face. Irritability fading. Why was I feeling that way. then reassured him.) "Oh. I looked up and asked him if he was okay. I lose track of — uh — the — uh — where I'm going. We made no effort to find our hosts to say goodbye." I followed him into the house and through the crowded living room. the recipe for resentment and anger. and my body had no intention of moving out of the chair until it had to. slowly and in silence.56 TIHKAL — The Continuation tree trunk growing through the floorboards. Under normal circumstances. Hope our guardian angels are on the job. so we . How am I feeling? Body recovering. that he couldn't tell which direction was which. I turned around in my seat so I could see through the rear window of the car. Can't look in the mirror. He had both arms around it." (He explained to me later that what he saw in the rear-view mirror became confused with the road ahead of him. we were on the narrow road. I was about to make a gentle suggestion that he slow down a bit. poor guy. too. but he obviously doesn't want to talk right now. total helplessness. We climbed the hill to the parked car. I would have gone over to him and tried to help in some way. Whatever happened to him must have been pretty bad. I breathed deeply and tried to relax. but these weren't exactly normal circumstances. so I'll stay quiet. "Don't worry. Finally. My emotions are still a bit flat. When Shura returned. he said to me.

was coffee." His voice is still a bit flat. After about ten of the longest minutes in human history. What a damned fool I was!" The grumpy man in the apron appeared with our coffees. finally deciding it was time to try my first question. "I'm furious. then let go." I said. And I broke it. neither. and right on top of that. Looks like a nice place." he said. Mostly at myself. "But I can't bear the thought of food. Outside is fine with me. for the moment. "What happened to you?" "Well." "How are you feeling now?" He looked intently at my eyes and ground the words out. And got slapped. carrying a small pad. "Let's go get ourselves a cup of coffee or something. it wasn't much. Angry. and 57 . "I'd like to make him happy." "Me. Shura took my right hand. There was a moment's silence. he set his lips disapprovingly. Both ends exploded. finally letting a small smile happen. and suddenly I knew I was about to vomit. I hope you want to sit outside." "Yeah." "Which is?" "I think I mentioned it before. then I sat in that damned hammock. I had the sensation that — well. which was still set and grim.The Dred and Other Learning Experiences didn't have to deal with traffic. A stout man in a stained white apron appeared. When we both ordered coffee. just that bit of rocking back and forth. To our right I could see only trees. and I openly searched his face. so I headed for the bathroom as fast as I could. We sat down at a table in the patio. Shura pulled to the side of the road and parked." said Shura. I was feeling pretty pleased with myself for having gotten you out of your bad place. I figured I was going to let go at the other end. Got there barely in time. squeezed it gently. having already tested out images of sandwiches in my mind without noting any enthusiasm. "Sure. but it was enough. it was a mess. but across the road was a little outdoor cafe. I looked around. Had to do some mopping up in that bathroom. Shura said. It goes: never take anyone else's drug in anyone else's house. There were no other customers in sight. but Shura repeated that all we wanted. when the man had disappeared through the cafe door. That's what took me so long. for having broken my own rule. too. angry. and not being really much affected personally. "And — well — I suppose it was probably the swinging motion. okay?" I smiled at him. for the moment.

not really total. then this will be the third time I've taken it and ended up being angry. no harm was done. When we were alone again. Shura hit his forehead and muttered. they assured us that their friend had told them it contained nothing but a powerful African marijuana. for the long drive north to San Francisco. There is a faint impression of a blonde woman in pink. again. "How are you feeling now?" and decided we were back to baseline. Shura even expressed some doubt as to whether there had been any marijuana in it at all. namely. Well. "Why didn't I pay attention to the nickname of that cigar!" I heard myself actually laughing for the first time since the troubles on the deck. Gradually. the conversation became broader and a bit less intense. Close enough. and they were very sorry we'd had such a miserable experience. I had forgotten about that particular example of Truth in Advertising. Interesting. and on the other hand — a quietly growing awareness of my own outrage at what had happened. "Hey. and I discovered myself laughing again. the guesses ranged from PCP to exotic-sounding plants I had never heard of. everyone said we saw lolanthe. point-blank. We assured them we didn't hold them responsible. When we asked them. and Shura said. we talked. and a glitter of sequins. as he called them. We speculated on what might have been in the fat black cigar besides marijuana. with . pay attention to nick-names!" The fourth and last time I tried marijuana finally gave me something of great value. Finally. we examined each other's faces and eyes. and asked each other one more time. It was a very long time before we told Aaron and Grace what had happened that day. I looked inward and concluded that I was experiencing a mixture of two states: pleasure at being with Shura. anyway. We ordered more coffee. sharing a difficult experience. remembering the man with his arms wrapped around the tree). I have never been able to remember a single moment of that performance. Total amnesia. Well. reported having trouble with it (at which I nodded. Shura looked at me and managed a wry smile. and we both learned a valuable lesson. But that's all. they said. Only one other guest. and why we both left so hurriedly. We drank from our cups and a small silence fell.58 TIHKAL — The Continuation waited stolidly while Shura got out his billfold and paid. if they knew what had been in that fat black cigar. as Shura found his way into reminiscences about previous near-death drug experiences. my friends. It was many years after the Dred and. if it WAS marijuana. At least. We saw lolanthe.

through the dining room and kitchen. how can we express opinions on that which we tasteth not." There was a brief silence beyond the door. it does kind of come right at you. there was again the push." he said. He got up with me and followed as I wobbled my way down the hall. we looked at each other. But we've never tried this particular form of the stuff. and into the bathroom. Toklas' marijuana brownies were famous. I called to him through the closed door. "It's pretty strong. Not us. Shura searched among our three available classical music stations until he found music we liked. et cetera. buns?" asked my friend and lover. "I'm fine. We looked down at the plate. at that time. we went to the bedroom and turned on the radio. motion. and handed it to me. Toklas brownies. I had my bath.The Dred and Other Learning Experiences 59 Shura. Gertrude Stein. The two small brownies sat on a blue plate on the table. a slowing down of everything — thought. "I think that journey took about five days. n'est pas?" "Yes. rolling over to nestle on his shoulder. then Shura said. "Are we wary? Are we apprehensive? Are we chicken? Noooo. et cetera. a passionate piano concerto by Brahms. called Alice B. I was aware of it mostly as a stretching of time. "How ya doin'. It wasn't any friendlier than before." "Yeah. thy point is well made. named after the friend and lover of the writer. Right?" In reply." "You all right?" I asked him. "Do keep in mind that one of the measures of intelligence is supposed to be the ability to learn from experience. Waiting for the first signs of effects. and we met in the dining room in our dressing gowns. boy!" I said. doesn't it. Ms. then Shura took a shower." After a while. give or take a week. then Shura chuckled and I broke into frank laughter. "Oh. have we? And as researchers. as we would ordinarily have clinked glasses. "But it still isn't my drug of choice. we aren't!" "Well." Shura protested. compared with the smoke. the surge of sensation that made me uneasy. but I'm okay. I felt the pressure of a full bladder. just to find out if there was any appreciable difference in its effects. and we told each other one Saturday evening that we owed ourselves one try of marijuana in this form. indeedy. Shura picked up one of the innocent looking fudge squares. When — about half an hour later — the experience began to blossom. "Hey. . We lay back on the pillows and held hands. but I was reassured by Shura's presence and touch. Neither of us had tried them before. He took the remaining one in his fingers and we touched brownies. the flow of life itself — which was certainly familiar enough. and told Shura I would have to leave him for a moment. A friend had given us what were.

"Are you ready for some scientific research?" "Absolutely! What do you want me to do?" "I'm going to go back out and close the door. combing my hair for what seemed like hours. and I sat down to pursue them. my mind lost in hyperspace. "What do you have in mind?" "Wait a moment.' and you keep doing whatever you're doing. with Shura — all those years ago — going out onto the little porch and seeing the vegetable garden down below. Getting out of the downy bed. half expecting Peter Rabbit to ." I remember looking at myself in the mirror. but eventually. "Go to it." I said.60 TIHKAL — The Continuation do you want to do an experiment?" "Sure. "I think so." I turned to the mirror again and heard the word "Start. because he hasn't the slightest idea either.' you tell me how many minutes you think have gone by since the 'Start. poked itself into my field of vision. because it was easy to become hypnotized. I looked at the eyes in the mirror and remembered being told that one should be careful. rivers. a wood full of loud blackbirds. not to look too long at reflected eyes.' Got it?" The words crawled through my mind." reverberating through the closed door. and the stone wall and. the sound of those birds everywhere in the countryside. "Don't take more than a month getting back to me. putting down the comb. then when I say 'Stop." I haven't the slightest idea whether I'm making sense or not. the only place to stay in the village of Charlbury. and it doesn't matter. Stay where you are. yes. at the Bell Inn. across the fields. What would happen if I got hypnotized? Would I stand here for hour sand hours. and I'll say 'Start. Images swam through my mind. "All right. while under the influence of any psychedelic." I nodded. Planets. with Shura's bearded face beaming under it. I'm going to get a watch. blackbirds cawing in dark woods — Ah. that's England. or would it be like a state of sleep? I really should try it sometime. "Hey. as long as Shura's around to rescue me. standing there. "Hello!" I said. The door opened and a mass of electrified silver hair. I remembered. still in there?" "Uh-huh. watching the last of the morning mist curling around little cabbages. occasionally taking a wrong turn or two through labyrinthian caverns. okay?" "All right. my first morning in England. then Shura's voice through the door." I replied. I thought I understood what he'd said." I drawled.

The Dred and Other Learning Experiences trot into view any moment. we were moving our entire selves — at least. happened. "And see how much more slowing we can get. sorry. ridiculously slowly. a magically strange thing. a watercolor painted by Beatrix Potter. not my ally. my thoughts and memories. I heard Shura's muffled voice. slow down. looking at the large electric clock on the wall above the faucets. so I joined him and put an arm around his waist." "Okay. The energycurtain didn't block our view. "Stop!" I opened the door. when a surprising thing. Five minutes!" The push of the unwelcome sensation that marijuana always imposed on me was less present." I turned to see him standing about a foot from the sink. We both saw it at the same time: a curtain of translucent beads. But it still isn't my ally." he said. 61 . It was all of five minutes. "That's a time-stretch of four to one! Pretty impressive!" I poked his chest." Shura was obviously pleased. Suddenly. but how long was it really? You haven't told me!" "Oh." We were focusing tightly on the second hand. in reaching through the curtain with our will. threaded on lines of energy. "Come here a minute. babe. "I would say at least twenty minutes. "How long do you think it's been since I gave you 'Start'?" I thought back. I could ignore it most of the time. into a very different place. Getting used to it." I said. but I knew — I knew — that. "Boy. "Look at the second hand. as Shura would say. willing it to hold back. He whispered. I was about to turn on heat under a pot of soup when Shura said. now. and all the bone-deep exhaustion of the previous day's travels was forgotten. "Notice anything?" I watched the second hand and realized that it was moving very slowly. mind and spirit — closer to going through the shimmering beads. wearing his blue jacket with the brass buttons. It was England as I'd imagined it all my life. we could see our second hand with absolute clarity." he grinned. No. between us and the clock face. Five minutes exactly. waving a wristwatch. I said so to Shura." "That's impossible!" "Nope. fine. "Let's both concentrate on it. "That's really hard to believe. and I said. "Well. reviewing my movements from here to there. not whispering." I muttered. He motioned to me. I'm looking. a reality I couldn't conceive of.

because it was identical to the curtain I had told him about seeing on my life-changing peyote day. when you come down to it. once you're in a place with no time." said Shura. "I don't like to admit it. I began coming down. not until he said to me. "It probably means time has stopped. "Do you forgive me." "I don't either. loudly." he replied. we'll have somebody babysit us." and it suddenly hit me. no sequence of events. knowing that it was about to stop. I remember. "Why did you pull back?" There was something in his face. don't you?" "Of course I see it. "You said you saw a curtain —" . I was holding my breath. forcefully. that there really are fates worse than death. we don't have to actually go all the way. Almost unmoving. "Remember I told you about the time when we walked into the dioramas. Maybe next time. And what happens to you and me when we find ourselves in a place where there is no time?" I was beginning to understand. when Shura broke the spell. where there was nothing living — it was all steel and marble and glass — and after just a moment or two. right?" "What are you talking about!" I asked. "We might get stuck and not be able to find our way out. a look I couldn't decipher. I told him that one of the most fascinating things about this experiment was the appearance of the energy curtain. The second hand was almost still. yes. please?" "Don't be silly. then stooped to kiss me. how can you even formulate the intent to get out?" "Well. I must admit that the territory on the other side of the curtain did have a strange — ah — feel to it. almost impatiently. It's even possible you saved us both from a fate worse than — ." "Of what. "That's it! Now we know we can do it. and that finding yourself trapped in timelessness might well be one of them. On the way back to our bedroom nest. twenty-odd years ago. I don't know what a third person could actually do. honey?" "Well. do you remember?" "Uh-huh.62 TIHKAL — The Continuation This time it was I who whispered. sweetheart. let me ask you this: what do you think happens when the second hand stops moving?" I didn't have to think out the answer." "Exactly." said my man. astonished. too. in the Natural Science Museum with Sam Golding." "See. at least. of course. but I suddenly got scared. nothing to forgive. "You see the curtain.

honey. and we never took it again. "Oh. where I come from. hmm?" How wonderful. Clearly. with pot. It's the first time THAT'S happened. it's probably just an ordinary worlds-separator curtain. to end up with laughter instead of anger. indeed. I wonder what it is?" 63 Shura pulled me onto the bed. nothing to fuss about. how about taking off all that unnecessary clothing. while we're ahead. the one I had been in since eating the peyote. kid. Same curtain. And so. and it separated the two worlds. They're a dime a dozen. and the ordinary world I was falling back into. only bigger.The Dred and Other Learning Experiences "It was exactly like this one tonight. Find other ways to experience time-warping. marijuana was simply not our cup of tea. . Now. Maybe we should quit. it came to pass.

Senhor — excuse me. I think he said. could you repeat your name?" The man gave his last name again and added. In Brazil. Shura received a phone call from a gentleman who introduced himself as Senhor Giorgio Paros." said Shura. Besides. "I am here in the Bay Area to consult with an American company. it'll only have cost us a couple of hours and a bit of lunch. a businessman from Brazil. and he was only an Assistant. both of them carrying serious briefcases. The next day. Of course. if you're an ordinary run-of-the-mill social climber." Well. "Sure. it's hard not to be impressed by a minister of anything of any country. THE BRAZIL CAPER (Alice's voice) In the mid 1980's. when you get down to it. if that would be acceptable?" Shura told me later. right?" "Yeah. which isn't as good as a Presently.64 TIHKAL — The Continuation CHAPTER 4. this one's a Former. we do not use last names very much. I would like also to bring with me a very good friend. with a former — what was it? — assistant minister of something for Brazil. "Well. somewhere around the month of April. Doctor Hector. the former Assistant Secretary of Housing and Transportation of Brazil. He said. "Please call me Senhor Giorgio. Sounds as if it might be interesting. It sounds pretty intriguing. Is that okay with you?" I laughed. And if it turns out to be a total dud. but so what! Former Assistant Minister of anything coming to lunch is still pretty good. . maybe you wouldn't mind making a few sandwiches for lunch tomorrow. it should make a good dining-out story. the Boys from Brazil arrived with a bunch of flowers for the hostess. Sir. "He obviously didn't want to go into details on the phone. not the Main Man. and also to see you. and I invited them over. so I thought. what the heck. "Transportation." Shura replied. shortly after noon. if nothing else. Doctor Shura. on a very important matter.

Sr. the mixture of sincerity — sometimes approaching intensity — and humor which must have served him well in his government post. But as the afternoon wore on.The Brazil Caper 65 The businessman. married a wealthy Brazilian lady. But that's getting ahead of my tale. it turned out. Giorgio's friend. Giorgio. Hector relaxed and smiled more often. Mr. Must be a bit of exaggeration somewhere. and who could not fully explain to anyone's satisfaction why he was unable to return to the United States. and within a few months. mixed with frank amusement. in fact. an American gentleman we will call Borch. particularly when he scowled over some remembered annoyance. was a small-boned man in his late sixties who seemed. and produced a couple of children. at first. But it does make a great Third World anecdote! I brought out a large pitcher of iced tea and some bottles of Calistoga water. believe it. Back to the first few minutes of the meeting. a bit sentimental and rather romantic in a way peculiar to Brazilians (as we were to discover later). this is so!" I didn't have to look at Shura to know what the expression on his face was: polite skepticism. either. with emphasis on the resolving of marital discord and problems like alcoholism. Dr. Then he moved his entire family to an island in the Caribbean whose authorities were notoriously friendly and accommodating towards foreigners with money. and we began to understand his peculiar charm. We sat down on the patio and talked. as we all became increasingly familiar with each other's faces and voices. they list customers under their first names! Yes. with thinning hair and pale blue. The Brazilians poured into the new spa. yellow. all his upper class acquaintances in Rio had received invitations to a new health spa. Hector. exchanging the necessary pieces of basic information. the owner. had long been a major player in Brazilian radio as the owner of several stations. that in the second. a bit self-effacing. "Even in the banks. penetrating eyes. Giorgio told us a story. The brochure emphasized a kind of therapy not usually offered by spas: psychological. was a big. Dr. would bring out two vials from his private refrigerator. who had relocated to Rio de Janeiro. As I carried out plates of sandwiches to the patio. Despite the faintly threatening first impression. and was now moving into television. then sat down and prepared to listen. Georgio. Borch. Every Wednesday. I can't believe that. As background to their not-yet-specified proposition. several years earlier. Giorgio gradually emerged as something of a pussycat. Giorgio was saying. burly character who looked like an aging stormtrooper. rather quiet for a politician. Each client was . It seems that. The fluid in the first vial was red.

"You had a feeling that God had entered your soul. "About wishing to know what was in the Essence. and I decided now was the time to get an answer. brilliantly. "If you looked at somebody. but both of us were beginning to feel the pressure of questions needing to be asked.66 TIHKAL — The Continuation given a carefully measured amount from one or the other of the vials. Shura protested." the greysuited little gentleman said." I said. Shura and I looked at each other. "Yes. my God!" I breathed. it was miraculous. I leaned forward in my chair and asked. a chemist called Alexander Borodin. Sort of implies private detectives and all that sort of thing. nodding his appreciation. "Once. Hector spoke up for the first time since the story began." "Oh. you understand? For married couples. just like the day of their marriage. before the conversation got any more complicated. and refused to further identify it. compassion. "How much did these clients pay for the miraculous spa treatment. and I actually had my mouth open to say something. when Dr." said Shura." I wonder if he uses the word." Shura and I listened to the account in fascinated silence. "I've never heard of anyone named Borch." the same way we would use it. and we took the sample with us . and stunned us back into listening. Borch referred to the medicine as The Essence. if you don't mind my curiosity?" "Most of us paid twenty-five thousand dollars per week. Georgio told us. looking from one to the other. you felt love for him. eyes wide. served in a beautifully designed miniature goblet. and all was peace inside you. he told me that I could have faith in its value and its purity. All the emotions — yes? — the feelings they had in the past for each other. "Oog. One burning question had arisen in my mind. yes. when I had expressed myself to Mr. then laughed. a small crystal bowl cradled in a network of pewter." said Hector." he said. "Georgio and I managed to divert some of our Essence medicine. Maybe better not to know. "In the last week at the spa." said Giorgio. because it had been created by one of the world's most respected scientists. "investigated. "Sounds like a pretty good scam. and that it was not necessary for me to know anything else. all these returned. The effect of the Essence medicine was astonishing. Borch again. Hector and I decided this ourselves — that you had nothing to do with it — when we investigated and found out who you were. and I certainly never supplied him with any drug!" Georgio gestured impatiently.

"Why don't you gentlemen take off your jackets. We hope to sanctify the use of this medicine by ." I said." "You mean. He was wearing dark red garters around his shirtsleeves. I said. boy. It is legal. it is not named in any of our laws. His hands met each other in prayer position at the tip of his nose as he paused. Shura nodded. "Yes. and teach people to administer it to patients. Finally. Shura just grunted." They both smiled and followed my suggestion. his elbows on the white patio table. Giorgio opened up Stage Two. Hector." continued Giorgio. speaking slowly. "We would like to do research. I have a good friend who has access to the President. Hector spoke up. for many reasons. "The reason we are here. am I right?" The light blue eyes squinted. "It is not illegal. Sr. Shura said. "What is the legal status of MDMA in Brazil?" Giorgio looked over at Dr. Dr. where we live. "And establish this medicine as a respected way to solve many problems for people who have pain in their souls. "But we — all of my friends who have been there — believe that this medicine. and I saw how the expensive suit pulled under his arms." Shura asked another blunt one. Do you understand?" He's hitting all the right buttons. "Do you have permission from the authorities in Brazil to do this?" Dr. yes?" Shura shifted in his chair. "At the present time." said Shura. smiling gently. eyes closed in the soft sunlight. obviously reviewing what was to come next. respectfully. We had it analyzed in the United States. we are working on that now. for the moment. We have a plan to open a clinic in Rio. then answered. it's too warm to be formal. Doctor Shura. Giorgio leaned forward again. Shura and I waited. "Yes. "Is that we do not wish to go back to the Borch spa. so far. this Essence — the MDMA — is of great value. apparently content to have his friend do the talking. It was a drug called MDMA. Giorgio leaned forward. Hector sat back in his chair." he said." Twenty-five thousand a week would be reason enough for me.The Brazil Caper 67 when we left. I suppose that is true. and it will be only a matter of time." "Oh. then the big man laughed.

" I breathed. Be assured. a great scientist. all will be legal and honorable. "And I don't expect to again. smoochy kiss on his neck. to tell the truth. have you?" "Nope. courteously. and talk to a group of doctors and psychiatrists about this medicine. who nod- ded. while Dr.m. my dear friend. cautiously. You are a great man. and we have deep respect for you.68 TIHKAL — The Continuation employing it in our clinic. "Oh. they were for mid-June." said Shura. Hector." said Giorgio. He paused for a moment. even a bit formally. so that we can begin the good work. Does this make sense to you?" Sanctify? Wow. If today — . and how it can be used. At present. "To invite you — and your wife. considering the amount of activity that might continue for the rest of our stay. "As long as you can assure me that I will not be breaking any of the laws of Brazil. again first and business class. "And how can I be of help to you?" "We would like. Honey. He kept his dignity. "It seems only wise to begin making notes now. FRIDAY Rio de Janeiro." "Interesting?" I gasped. but I don't know anything about Brazilian drug law. And we would like you to make a supply of MDMA for us. as I'm sure you understand." "By the time you get to Rio. "First class! I've never flown first class in my life." said The Great Scientist. and planted a loud. in first class for the first leg of the journey. of course — to come down to Rio and meet our friends. I have to have absolute certainty about that. "You bet yore sweet bippy. The return trip tickets were included in the package. and I cannot be put in the position of doing anything in a foreign country which is even slightly questionable. through the kitchen and into the hall. also Pan American. MDMA is not illegal in the United States. for our clinic. glancing at Dr. my God. Brazil 10 p. But I can promise you already that you will not be breaking any laws of our country." "I would be most happy to do so. When the airline tickets arrived in the mail." "Absolutely!" declared Giorgio. Hector murmured." So we agreed to go to Rio de Janeiro. for a date two weeks later." assured Giorgio." replied Shura. barely glancing up as I did a modified Bossa Nova past him. on Pan American. Should be an interesting experience. "Of course. "We will have copies of all Brazilian law that has relation to this project. then asked. for your reputation. We would not ask you to do such a thing. of course. it's gonna be interesting!" I got up and went around in back of him. "It sounds very interesting. and business class for the second. as usual.

Finally. absolute. Turned out to be their term for what other airlines usually call business class. properly stamped. 69 . we were refreshed. one spoke good English. we are going to be inundated by people. successful. I did a small double-take at the alcohol on the menu. which we spent in utter comfort in a room reserved for us at the Miami International Airport Hotel. since each of us had always before traveled as a peasant among peasants. between first and peasant." "It certainly beats waiting in line. a new experience." grinned Shura. Both leg room and food are worlds better in first class. All we knew about our next plane." The entire trip had been as comfortable and smooth as a long journey by air could possibly be. yeasty rolls. where we fooled around on the fresh sheets as the air conditioning hummed away. Within a few minutes. "And the Great One's humble and adoring wife. the gentleman returned with our papers in order. the other no English at all. Dr. the other went off with our passports and visas (Shura told me later that he felt a stab of panic as our vital papers disappeared in the hands of a stranger). The first proof of our hosts' influence and importance was in the way we went through immigration and customs. along with fresh fruit. The leg room was still good. and maybe even some chemistry. Pam Am flight 441. By the time our Pan Am flight to Rio was ready for boarding. as well as the airline tickets. enthusiasms. was that we would be in something called Clipper Class. questions. sightseeing. obliging Shura's desire for a lesson in Portuguese (I was watching the carousel for our suitcases). cleaned up and minimally tired. We had been in first class from San Francisco to Miami. They gave us a menu from which to choose our main course (in this case for breakfast) and what we got was an omelet with an exquisite filet mignon and potatoes. Hector met us coming off the plane and introduced us to two young men who apparently worked for the airport." I intoned. and we were perfectly content. right up there with eggs and strawberry jam.The Brazil Caper our first day here — is any indication. making a token curtsey. happy noise. I wonder why they offer alcohol with breakfast. we landed in Rio de Janeiro. While one of them stayed with us. either. driven people who can't relax unless they drink? And the airline wants those kinds of customers to feel that it's okay to order wine early in the day without being embarrassed or defensive? In Miami. All the hotel reservations. at that point. energy. "Thus is the path smoothed for the Great One. We had never before flown that. we faced a seven-hour layover. maybe a lot of people who fly first class are alcoholics. had been arranged and paid for by our Brazilian hosts. food. coffee and a choice of liquors and wines. and the food only slightly less impressive than first. My faith in Pan Am was.

and Dr. we look. the Brazilian poor have the hills and the rich have the flatlands. who is always the best and owns three homes in at least two countries to prove it. that would be expected from upper-class women in North America. no matter who we are or in what country. Red." There was an immediate sense of being welcomed without reservations. we saw Sr. I whispered to Shura. Sugar Loaf is a massive. meeting you for the first time. scored deeply on its sides as if it had risen in one huge. I wrote: "Both women are in their forties or maybe fifties. we were driving past the favelas — the shacks of the poor — climbing steeply up the hillsides.70 TIHKAL — The Continuation When the bags had been retrieved. Hector's wife. with none of the cool surveying. It's just that the instinct to make the new person welcome seemed uppermost at that moment. Giorgio and his lovely wife. "You cannot go into the . a great solid piece. of whom he had spoken with some pride. the paint scuffed and peeling. We got into Giorgio and Lena's big American car. Once out of the Rio airport. we evaluate. since it was their house (the "summer house") we were to stay in. eons ago. The famed Rio hills are quite extraordinary. yellow." which we did. it isn't considered something to be kept secret here. who was equally attractive. Lena. and the watchfulness less obvious. the critical inspection underneath the polite smiles. push the green button and go through. after all. As we were to discover. in a reversal of what one finds in most countries. women boast about 'their' plastic surgeon. Our car drove along the beautiful beachfront sidewalk familiar from photographs. stretching as far as we could see. if you've had the signs of aging smoothed out. in an area where cars picked up passengers. blue. It was apparent that. regretfully. At that point. yes?" One could not help being impressed. we were shepherded past a line of waiting people and through an electronic gateway with a sign that said: "If you don't have anything to declare. green. I found myself regretting that I'd packed the camera in the back of the car. black and pink shacks. but the eyelids and dewlaps have been expertly taken care of by one or another of Rio's famous plastic surgeons. Within a few minutes. with its lovely tilework in wave patterns. "Sort of like the King and Queen of California. Rita. screaming up-thrust from the depths of the earth. we do a lot of comparing the first time we meet a stranger. That isn't to say the inspection wasn't going on. we were apparently finished with any official procedures and free to leave the airport. they are like very large versions of the sharply up and down hills of China. Lena turned to me and said. round-topped rock.

"It is poisoned. There were palm trees. which meant daytime temperatures in . There was a remark made by Giorgio. and one could glimpse carefully maintained miniature gardens between the hotels. 71 Jesus! That's what's meant by Third World. even on second and third stories of some of the tall buildings. It is a subject that outsiders are well advised to stay away from in any country. It could have been an effect of the overcast sky. that if those in charge of maintenance failed for a week or two to make sure things were polished and cleaned. kid. I realized suddenly that I was extremely tired from the long trip. that things had been better controlled when the military was in power (although he added. but especially in a place like Brazil. but it wasn't working here in Brazil. only the very rich and the extremely poor." said Giorgio. perhaps it was the result of too few hours of sleep. as if it were all an act of God. there would be a fast deterioration of surfaces. but you cannot swim. a growth of fungus in the crevices. I think this was said just after he mentioned that the inflation rate was now one per cent every day. during that car ride and afterwards. but I knew we must be thinking pretty much the same thing. then they shrug and say what a pity it is. they let the sewerage flow into their bay and ruin it. Keep your irritables to yourself. perhaps out of courtesy to his guests. It is so pretty. where there is not a large middle class." We asked why. where there are. this senseimpression. and would have to pay attention to what I said out loud. what a shame." Shura was in the front passenger seat. for the most part. and the tone in which I said it. somewhere during the ride — perhaps while we were passing the clustered favelas up on the hillsides — about democracy being a fine idea. fig trees. Instead of building sewers for the poor on the hill. "Because there are no sewers in the favelas. Graffiti were everywhere. many were faced with marble and all looked expensive. we passed huge hotels with carefully tended tropical gardens in front. I was aware of something typical of the tropics: an impression that decay was just around the corner. and it all goes into the bay. The attitude expressed. toward the people who live in the favelas was pretty much the same attitude to be found in every city when the rich are talking about the poor: resentment overlying anxiety and a certain chronic sense of guilt. On the beachfront. despite the luxuriousness of this rich peoples' playground. you understand? So the — everything — comes down the hills. It was now winter in Brazil. grey-brown dust everywhere. that he didn't feel comfortable with the idea of a military government).The Brazil Caper water. Yet.

Whenever the people would leave to go back to their apartments in the city. built of concrete and wood. They entertained there. and Shura asked if the present watchman had been put through a very complete inspection before being hired. Authorized cars didn't exactly speed along. as the conversation continued. Giorgio told us a story about life in the enclaves of the rich. Lena looked over at me (we were in the back seat) and grinned. everybody moved into the summer house. It became clear. and they would come in at night and take everything. They could take their time. to know which houses are empty. The house was five stories (if you counted the little outlook on the top as a story). for the most part. The neighborhood was one of Rio's finest and most expensive. he has a halo over his head!" His booming laughter filled the car. she decided she didn't want to live in it. one house after another. preferring their downtown apartment. Giorgio's voice had conveyed a distinct touch of indulgence along with the exasperation. and when friends from out of town came to stay. because it had more room than their old apartment. with brand new houses going up in every block. There was a watchman at the entrance gate and he was in charge of a movable crossing barrier. On one wall of the . Not particularly pretty outside. either. and he complained during the drive there that. Then we pulled into a driveway and parked. although sometimes it slipped into the low 80's. because the watchman always knew when the owners would return. "He was investigated like he was taking a position in a bank vault. He said. machismo society. that the new place actually was used. with white plaster walls and rich brown wood. That is part of his job. once it was built. their house would become a victim. we began to have many burglaries here. He is so clean. (We eventually got used to the Brazilians apologizing for the cold weather. without fear. but very attractive inside. despite Giorgio's complaints." chuckled Giorgio. and the subtle power games that go on between male and female in a patriarchal. Some delicious pieces of carved furniture — I was told they were Brazilian antiques — tempted me to stroke surfaces and edges. also. you see. We were broken into. so he can keep his eye on them and protect them from thieves!" We laughed.72 TIHKAL — The Continuation the 70's.) What our hosts called the summer house had been built by Giorgio (he said) for Lena. it was discovered that the watchman at the entrance gate was telling his friends which houses were empty. and there were speed bumps staggered on the pavement to insure that "unauthorized" vehicles would have a very tough time getting through. and I thought about Brazil being a man's world. Finally. "You bet. "Six months ago. without servants.

Several of the guests did their best to confine themselves to the U. so her English was very good. (I was to discover that facecloths are unknown in Brazil. and we could glimpse houses roofed in red tile on the other side of it. Italian. with furniture Shura finally. I noted some potted plants with thick trunks.S. Lena explained. loose. was lovely: below us was the tree-lined cobblestoned street. First as well as Third World. Women are welcomed in the French manner with a kiss on each cheek. their large green leaves climbing up the white walls. Big armchairs all over the room. housekeeper and friend. men shake hands with men or grip each other's arms or shoulders. and interpreted the world around us when we needed to understand this very different culture. then dressed for the first social obligation of our visit: meeting the "Family. Shura had already been told that ties simply were not worn in Brazil. The first lesson was in the ways of greeting. made the beds. the group of about 35 people who took MDMA either once a week or perhaps only once a month. We slept for a couple of hours. in honor of our visit. very pregnant. She was also very. very big. Negro (the Brazilians are comfortable with that word) and Amazonian Indian. and especially in Rio. was to be our cook. Giorgio said this was in honor of his Negro blood (like many people in Brazil. She was a mixture of Portuguese. except to the office when necessary and when meeting with VIP's of certain kinds. On the second floor was our bedroom. (which means "heart") who. white cotton dress with ruffles.) The bed had a hard mattress which Shura liked. cooked extraordinary meals. and she had lived for four years in New York. The view from one side of the room. handshake. During our stay. but we all ." This was what they called themselves.The Brazil Caper living room was a huge African ceremonial mask. the whole group had been invited for questions and answers and general celebration. There were palms and mimosa trees growing in their gardens. comfortable and relatively graceful. made constant strong Brazilian coffee for us. she did our laundry with loving care. No facecloths anywhere. Giorgio explained that usually not all of them would be gathering together in the same house — eight to ten being considered the preferred maximum for the MDMA experience — but that this evening. when we opened the sliding doors. identified as French moderne of the Jacques Tati era. as well as in many other countries. kiss left then right. I wore a long. after some thought. we met Corazon. 73 In the kitchen. and a long couch. so he had on a sports shirt with his new dark pants. he is a mixture of several races and proud of all of them).

humorous. Portuguese and Spanish. Doctor Roberto. but we weren't sure he had taken the MDMA. an herb which interested Shura very much. Sr. this first time and the following day. Sr. sad-funny and warm. She was the mistress of Dr. and spoke French. including one called Guarana (pronounced with emphasis on the last "a"). We were informed that he was an importer whose specialty was trade with China. Arabic. import-export.) Among the guests. Pierre owned half a dozen stores in Sao Paulo. being apparently some kind of stimulant. all of them selling fabrics to interior decorators. (It had gradually become clear that our hosts charged for the MDMA. His wife. a style that I finally decided was old-fashioned Parisian. Waldo. He was present the following day. Supposedly one of the best in his business. Pierre and Helena. Draggo (the only one of the Family known by his last name) who was lightly scarred from a crash in another South American country several years before. He was also in business. They were French. slender. as a gift. who stayed in the house next door (on weekends) with daughter Delia and her husband Tomas. All in the car were killed but Sr. all of them in Brazil. Draggo. immature and lovable. Marina: a beautiful young woman. We speculated to each other that he probably couldn't afford it very often. . was quite pretty. English. by some rebels or Communists or the CIA or whoever it is that's in the business of assassinating South American presidents. Sr. Waldo was a gentle. They had to buy it from somebody. Shura and I had kissed more cheeks and gripped more forearms than we would have believed possible in one single evening. tall and compulsively seductive man who appeared to be intelligent. and Shura and I thought it likely that they had made some kind of arrangement with the infamous Borch — which would probably make it very expensive. obviously. I made all kinds of passionate gestures and noises about the incense he was burning during the massages. and didn't ask. and that he owned four little companies of various kinds. very spontaneous and expressive. black haired. and the next day he brought me several bundles of it. Leo: heavyset. sweet man who spoke no English. (By the time we fell into bed. plastic surgeon. She wore her very blond hair in a corona around her face. masseur. He asked some sharp and insightful questions the first evening.) Sr. giving massages upstairs in the second-floor mini living room. with a big round face I liked immediately. A Good-looking. indeed. It seems he was in a limousine which was mistaken for that of the president. and struck me as being somewhat calculating. Anita.74 TIHKAL — The Continuation soon adopted the nicer French double-buss. along with some herbs. although we were never told the price.

good-looking. rather boyish. Despite their expressed skepticism about this gentleman. Although everyone present had left the Borch operation. whose names we did hear and didn't write down. and seemed gracious. Open-faced. We sat like royalty. yes. and answered questions all evening. with either Giorgio or Dr. one of them a doctor who assisted Daddy at the plastic surgery clinic. Each guest took a turn presenting himself. and hadn't yet taken it all back. the multi-millionaire. his business or profession. Shura and I had the impression that Mr. observant and self-contained. (All this information was fed to us — with undisguised relish — by Giorgio and Lena. marital problems straightened out. and history of MDMA use and benefits derived therefrom. And others. who was also beautiful (we met her some days later). side by side. Mistress was a member of the MDMA family. dressed all in white. and the group responded to the photos with what sounded like expressions of admiration and congratulations in Portuguese. Katya. It seemed to me that all these people had given over a lot of their power to this would-be guru. Borch was a consummate salesman and persuader. to confess to emotional problems worked through. but should have. with his wife.The Brazil Caper 75 Roberto and the mother of his young daughter. wife was not. showing before and after MDMA finger-tips from various family members. some others by members of the Family. friendly face. Marina was studying art. we gathered. One hundred and twenty million or so. Then came the questions and discussions. our hosts still talked about him with a touch of awe. The "after" revealed expansion of the glowing halo around each fingertip. The gathering was in honor of us. Looked a lot like a certain handsome Spanish-American actor. late that first night.) Another young plastic surgeon. Borch. Senhor Carlos. She handed round a set of them which was quite impressive. because we couldn't remember any of them by the next day. A great many of the guests had been introduced to MDMA by Mr. One was a heavy-set mulatto woman with short hair and an open. and weight problems overcome. whose hobby was taking Kirlian photographs. Roberto had a wife (whom we were to meet on Wednesday night at his birthday party) and two grown sons. Hector translating when necessary. (One always finds out the name of a multi-millionaire. We were still annoyed about his unauthorized use of Shura's name . with a very strong. even an eagerness. nice. There seemed to be a willingness. after all the guests had gone. charismatic personality. he was still regarded with some reverence.) There were other people whose names were never quite made clear in the general cheerful confusion. Oh.

came over toward the end of the evening and gave me that most wonderful of all compliments. Most of these people had some knowledge of one or both.) Then it was time to fold everything for the night." One of the guests. (We have no exact translation. In any case. Borch." That first evening. and so on. Better to let it go. telling me I was very "sympatico. "My name has probably been mis-used more times and by more con artists than I really want to know about. warm-fuzzy person." My favorite word. since he was still an influence. "Nobody knows why. very high dosage levels — higher than any equivalent dose that would be given to humans — have shown damage. Shura's answer to the first was. with or without a supplement of 40 or 50 milligrams. and I can't sue all of them. The gathering lasted many hours. In certain laboratory animals. along with their native Portuguese. "At the usual therapeutic dosage levels of between 100 and 150 milligrams per session. to why the first experience is never quite recaptured. one of Shura's most important (and. because it simply wasn't worth the trouble. and had discussed the possibility of confronting him. "We should avoid making too many strong statements about some- body we've never met and hope never to meet. Besides. most surprising) bits of information to the group was his remark that the cost of a dose of MDMA (they used 125 milligrams. even if only slightly so. and we went . with constant excited talk and the beginning of our multi-lingual experience. as Shura said at one point. The usual questions. no damage at all. but finally decided to forget the whole thing. to judge from the shocked silence. and in other lab animals. a middle-aged man with sharp." His reply to the second question about the difficulty of recapturing the first wonderful experience was. there is no scientific evidence that there is any neurological damage in humans. in any language. empathetic. but it means that you're sympathetic. a man who had been identified by Lena as a psychiatrist. but it seems to be the case for most people I've talked to. we were well advised to be subtle about our opinions regarding Mr. We found ourselves trying to communicate in every language we had between us. without supplement) was about a dollar." I agreed. Shura being better at French and I at Spanish. Questions about MDMA use ranged from whether there is neurological damage to humans from the drug. He felt it was a nice bit of data for them. among these rich and naive Brazilians.76 TIHKAL — The Continuation in connection with his MDMA. perceptive eyes in a kind face. He said. in other words. Especially when applied to me. as Shura kept reminding me. understanding and generally a nice.

anywhere. being asked for our opinions. in the softest of sing-song Portuguese.The Brazil Caper through another round of kiss-kiss. when you get down to it. yes it is. or sat quietly by themselves. there aren't that many advantages to growing older. our hosts quieted everyone down and the program began. and best of all. 50 milligrams. give or take. just like our own research group. the feast of Saint . but now and then you do find yourself enjoying a situation that wouldn't have happened when you were young and beautiful. we usually did not participate in experiences with groups of people whom we didn't know very intimately. We were not expected to take the "medicine. being told things. The people from last night's group. being treated like Old Wise Man and Woman.) After perhaps half an hour of very Latin noise and laughter. explosive appreciations and gratitudes and all that. so we get all the juiciest positive projections. in that the entire Family would be present. SATURDAY: The day of the MDMA. plus some new ones who hadn't been able to come before. we're strangers. Shura and I were kept busy by people asking questions or telling us their life stories and innermost secrets. We had begun what I later came to think of as The Week of Constant Smiling. Our hosts had made clear that they needed us to "oversee" their MDMA experience. Here we are. a bit nervous about the size of the group. who told me he'd had a terrible alcohol problem and a lot of depression and anger. being looked at as if we know more than anyone else. 77 Well. I sat and talked for some time with a young man in his late twenties. down here. came the second half. not having wanted to take anything at all. hearty back-slaps (and occasional shy hugs between men). We were relieved. or wandered around. which was relieved by MDMA (his parents joined us later and confirmed his story). but relaxed into it as time passed. Somebody mentioned that it was one of the many Brazilian holidays. First. We are the wise elders. or should be changed. mouths moving and hands flying. they said later. (The truth is. It's enough to turn your head. Perhaps thirty five people in all. they were each given 75 milligrams of the red MDMA. which would be very different from what they were used to. Some of them were. Then the gentle mulatto woman led what she called a meditation. In four languages. in any country. as if we can solve what no one else can solve." but just to be present and see if anything was being done unwisely. Just like most people taking MDMA. Shura and I. The weather was muggy and the sky slightly overcast. under any circumstances. About thirty minutes after the first half of the dose. People talked. instead of the usual eight or ten.

" In the evening. Shura and I had our first view of the Southern Cross. In the big living room. Hector smiled and told him that. lanterns glowing beside their chairs. They just arrive. People do that in Rio. Hector arrived. Hector was the person to give him answers. by now. looking at the unfamiliar constellations and marveling at their beauty. and does half of the MDMA go to the use of the Family and the other half to the future clinic?). and we'd heard hints of concerns." we obliged with eagerness only slightly tempered by tiredness. he wanted definite word on the legal aspects of what he was being asked to do. Peace and quiet for a while. locked the car and went down onto the fine sand to pick up tiny shells and watch the old fishermen sitting with their lines in the surf. so there had been a search for a substitute. where we parked. to use a lab in the university. "See you tomorrow.78 TIHKAL — The Continuation Somebody. I unpacked some of our clothes and hung them up in the bedroom closet. Of course. Shura had been getting increasingly anxious to know whether he would have to split the procedure between two labs. or whether he could do it in the most convenient way: in one place at one time. off and on. hugs. such as how much of the magic alchemical procedure was to be made known to this person or that. after intensive investigation and consultation with friends in the government. we went for a ride with our hosts to the nearest beach. arms around each other's waists. and we began to hear the fireworks which continued. Shura had. heard from several different sources that there were going to be two labs for the making of MDMA. we were told. we excused ourselves and while Shura wrote upstairs in the little not-quite-finished astronomy-study with its big windows. throughout the day. expected or not. or ask advice on some deeply personal problem. We stood. and Dr. The original plan. there were politics to be considered — the Family kind — (we didn't really know what they were. then Dr. kiss right. or even to say thank you to us for having come. after several hours of talk with people who had wanted to share intimate thoughts. as he reminded me on our way down the stairs. But first and foremost. Dr. More kiss left. In response to Shura's direct question. Our group dispersed relatively early. especially for . Back at the house. only that they existed. more. we went through the usual hugs and greetings before settling into armchairs. he could say without hesitation that the proposed manufacturing of MDMA. When we heard Giorgio's booming voice calling us downstairs to "Hear the good news that Doctor Hector has for you. had fallen through when the university went on strike. As the stars began to appear.

I'd like to get going. and we talked about the use of 2C-B in psychotherapy." said Dr. just enough for our hosts and wives to try. smiling. I had been sweating in the earlier humid warmth. or the psyche. "And he is very intelligent. Hector continued. 2C-B. This time I joined in. "We will have our chemist. Hector. "We will have final approval for our project in a few days. leaned forward and braced himself on his knees. blue-andgreen patterned couch." Shura nodded. Hector. I explained that not as many patients would be able to benefit from 2C-B as from MDMA. so there can be a lot of insight work done. what he called the only remaining barrier to making MDMA for the Family and the shortly-to-be-launched clinic. and to glance at the faces around me." "Wonderful. on . its relative shortness. Hector for having cleared up the question of most importance to him. "To be lionized and consulted and treated with respect and so on. and now. but if I'm down here to make MDMA for a clinic which might actually produce some good publications. to parts of itself that are not usually accessible — " I paused for some iced tea. in the town of Niteroi." "Where does Doctor Sol usually work?" asked Shura. but that is only a formality. "He is chief chemist at a large pharmaceutical company." Shura breathed a very audible sigh of relief. when my friend has a chance to talk to the right authorities." he'd told me earlier." Dr. "I look forward to getting started. as you probably know. very sympatico. "Because MDMA is not a true psychedelic. in his clinic where he does surgery." beamed Shura. the fear of seeing something terrible inside yourself. to my immense relief. I think you will like it. looking even thinner than usual on the long.The Brazil Caper 79 clinical use. no one looked particularly bored. and Shura was telling our three friends that he had brought with him some 2C-B. it is a nice place. so I continued." Lena brought in a large pitcher of iced tea and glasses. It opens the soul. A sherbert-cool breeze was coming through the open doors. at least for now. After mentioning the most practical aspect of 2C-B. "It's all well and good. finally. He said to Shura. Doctor Sol — he speaks very good English — and he will bring all available equipment and basic chemicals. He can work with you and learn the procedures. and thanked Dr. The discussion was now about the future clinic. I was feeling comfortable. He added. "We have decided we will use Doctor Roberto's laboratory. Dr. was absolutely legal in Brazil. because I was the only one who had actually used it with patients. obviously relieved at hearing something that sounded like a plan taking shape. "— and it allows for a dropping of fear.

we were interrupted by the sound of loud firecrackers. 2C-B opens up the gut. the great psychic energies. SUNDAY: I wrote: "Warmer. and every year there are fires. very close by. We trooped upstairs to the second floor and out onto a balcony. where they were having a big barbecue party with traditional miniature flags strung above the lawn. they have tied paper sacks onto the balloons. then asked. we all hugged and kissed goodnight and went to bed. while we speculated as to how much of the neighborhood was going to go up in smoke. thunking and crackling to make crazy the ears. slightly anxious tinge. the strong emotions. maybe early 80's in mid-morning. concluding that the neighborhood was going to stay intact. "Yes. yes. these. try to be clear to everyone. in the dark. Corazon. or in a forest?" Giorgio laughed. remarked that whatever parts of the tree had been burned would probably all grow back in a couple of days. and inside the sacks there are lighted candles. the unconscious images — what they call archetypes — and I really think that a patient should have worked with MDMA and intensive psychotherapy for at least six months before you begin thinking about introducing them to the different and deeper world of 2C-B." Was that understandable to people who don't speak English all that much? I've got to watch the words I use here. so what can you do?" I could feel the Brazilian shrugs all around me. No safe and sane firecrackers. I like to say that while MDMA opens up the mind and the heart. to see a fireworks display from a back yard two houses away. what if they land on somebody's roof. and they will wander all over the countryside like flying stars!" And set pretty little fires wherever they happen to come down. and said. burning happily away. Finally. (As it turned out. but nobody wants to stop the beautiful balloons. as .) Lena pointed at balloons being sent up into the sky. Suddenly. What I could remember of my dreams last night had a negative. probably only half believing her. opens up a great deal more than that. but great whooshes of fire. who had come onto the balcony behind us to see the sight. "Isn't that rather dangerous? I mean. so to speak. Several pieces of flaming something fell back onto the tops of trees growing in the party yard and stayed there. it's a true psychedelic. it is very dangerous. and I remembered somebody telling us earlier that today was a saint's birthday. "You see there. Shura chuckled. the next day there was no sign of tree damage at all.80 TIHKAL — The Continuation the other hand.

Despite Lena's worry about the probability that there would be too many tourists on Sugar Loaf. Corazon cooked excellent scrambled eggs with bacon. Back to the city and lunch at Porxo. Shura and I failed to understand from our friends that this was not the top of Sugar Loaf." Then we heard shouts from Giorgio. This was to be our sightseeing day. a Junior High School band before it knows which end of the instrument is up. who waved us along and explained that we were only half way to Sugar Loaf. and tried to take it all in. just one of those small glitches in communication. which had been carefully set through the middle of the ultimate in souvenir tourist-traps. which most people here took with a lot of sugar. like all the other gawking tourists. (As it turned out. amused at the pathway. fine wheat bread. and Giorgio wanted to stick to it.) We reached the entrance to the Sugar Loaf ticket place.The Brazil Caper if the unconscious had been working overtime. Urca. which left us on top of an intermediate mountain. it was in the program. some pearoranges (there are many kinds of oranges here as well as ten varieties of bananas) and grapes. as we oohed and aahed and pointed and gaped in astonishment. papaya. it was just as well he did. trying to deal with undercurrents of doubt about this whole situation. Giorgio and Lena watched us fondly. as well as the constant need to interpret different languages. it's used all the time in every kind of dish). numerous little booths hawking everything from miniature flags to exercise videos. We hurried along to the next gondola car. (pronounced somewhat like Porshao) which is a chain of restaurants specializing in a great big salad- 81 . mango. We posed for each other's photos while a small mariachi band. windows all around. And there was plenty of the strong. and fear of making social boo-boos. when we finally disembarked. You couldn't possibly have a more fantastic bay. he explained. This is the way. revealed a view which must be absolutely unrivaled in the world. to indicate that one has already paid for parking. a kind of cinnamon roll bread and superb Provolone cheese. there was a large plate of fruit of all kinds (I had read that in Brazil fresh fruit is eaten — usually — only for breakfast. he left his windshield wipers sticking up and out. addictive Brazilian coffee. Oh. and when Giorgio parked his car and paid the car-person. On to Sugar Loaf." We had breakfast with our hosts. We just stood there. and the next — we had rain. We got into a gondola car running on cables. but we were told that this just isn't so. dressed in dowdy Disneyland costumes (big mice and other strange animals) played what Shura described as "Execrable music. There were pieces of pineapple. The top of the mountain. Its fame is totally justified. Somehow. because the next day — and the next. Coarse wheat bread.

We ate. and learn his method of making MDMA. "Golden Brasil" began. Delia translated for Tomas. a spread of colored tents. Delia spoke French and Portuguese. until you've had your fill. He had a few questions to ask about psychedelic mushrooms. with waiters who come around to your table with various meats on metal skewers — chicken wrapped in bacon. Our transportation was furnished by the daughter and son-in-law of the neighbors. Brazilians like their food and rich Brazilians are gourmets. host of ceremonies in white satin with lots of dark face makeup and Las Vegas good looks. Delia and Tomas. We were joined by Dr. called the Hippie Market. sausages — and they keep coming back. because he had to explain everything in somewhat halting French. with one new and welcome addition: Dr. I found exactly the kinds of things I wanted to buy in Rio. His smile was a dazzling gleam-o-rama of white .82 TIHKAL — The Continuation and-vegetable bar. The gold curtains parted. and Giorgio had told us to wait until Monday. Shura and I dressed up (no tie. Then on again. at least. There. He wanted to know how to identify them. superb vegetables and farinas. and Shura launched into one of his professorial expositions. he also gave Tomas some informa- tion about poisonous species and their dire effects. which was an immense two-tiered tourist showplace. So far. with a bit of Spanish thrown in (usually by me) when in doubt. Brazilian food had been totally irresistible. our rich Brazilians were. Hector and his pretty wife. At Scala. Now we were eating hearts of palm. costumes loaded with sequins. since we hadn't had a chance to change our American dollars. We drove home to get ready for an evening spectacular. but promised each other we'd repay somehow. Leo bought a program for us and later insisted on paying for photos taken by the theater photographer. driving to the only shopping open on Sunday. several cuts of roast beef. the young chemist who had been assigned to assist Shura in the lab. of course) and were driven to a big theater called Scala. and ate. Rita. speaking a bit slower than usual. Sr. so Shura and I talked in French. and the show. when such exchanges would open again. which he had taken and liked. and ate. everyone made clear. Music very loud. In the meantime. we had a long table right next to the stage. including handmade clay pipes from the Amazon. at Porxo. decorated with bits of jaguar fur or teeth. striped awnings and handmade booths in a city park. again. her husband only Portuguese. We had no choice. Our companions were the core members of the Family. we should ask for anything we wanted and it would be provided. Sol. the showgirls' smiles glued in place. We had no Brazilian money.

and an unbelievable quickness of foot. and not a single card showed any girl from the front. The second best part of the show was a bearded man who danced as The Gaucho (which is apparently Brazilian as well as Argentinian) and did extraordinary things with two strings tipped with small wooden balls. even on the shoulders of the host of ceremonies. and on the stage. the balls rattling in a fierce rhythm on the floor. and there was a lot of fooling around on the stage which emphasized the attraction of the "bum-bum. of course. good dancers. the Mulattos had it. but bad enough . One thing was quite apparent on stage. the inflation. barely enough food to keep the children alive. Some of them actually seemed to be enjoying themselves. including hips. buildings set against the hills with their massed favela shacks. Ziegfield Follies costumes. not as bad as Argentina. the "naughty boys" running after the girls were black. and the most popular and acclaimed dancing group were the Mulattos. One of the best parts of the show. eyes focused elsewhere. The real samba is quite a dance. brassy show. Excellent dancing. since it takes a flexibility of joints. the Rio part of it — a lot of sparkle and activity overlying a great disquiet. no sewage system. A few probably stoned. because of the impossible and getting worse economic and political situation. The U. stomping. reminded me of what we were already discovering about Brazil — at least. The Mulattos did a real samba." (pronounced "boom-boom. no running water. the singing star. Bare breasts for most of the girls and minimum underwear. towering headdresses. around 18 to 20 years old. and like to draw attention to it.S. My impression was that you could tell the status of the females by whether or not they wore something over their breasts. was fully dressed in satin. as it is everywhere else in Rio: they are proud of their mixture of races. the glittering tons of sequins.The Brazil Caper 83 teeth. the Las Vegas atmosphere. The costumes emphasized the same thing that the mini-Bikinis of Rio emphasize: the derriere. Which is very nice. if any. (I had seen postcards of mini-clad bathing beauties on the beach. It's said that very few people can do it properly. People boast about their native Indian or "Negro" roots. Very pretty ladies. swinging them faster than the eye could see. Claudia. The loud. Whatever it takes. the poor living in utter deprivation. Wonderful. during some of the acts. under the satin pants of the young male dancers.) Derrieres are very popular. could use a bit of what they have here. sequins and feathers. I found myself thinking of the tall skyscraper apartment. feathers everywhere. but most looked the way showgirls usually look — capped teeth fixed in professional smiles.") as it's called in Brazil. in regard to race-mixing. anxiety and anger. And then.

A small. turned out to be young. Sol. where he studied. TIHKAL — The Continuation Corazon had told us. so they stop trying to work hard. or what. and maybe it's not as clear-cut as they're making it seem. and they are quite — ah — conservative." Uh-oh. perhaps you and your wife would like to go with me. The legal status of MDMA is not clear in Brazil. and it will certainly make my job easier to have you by my side!" Dr. because of my company. funny. "Since I am invited to your house this evening. . I spoke up from the back seat. During the drive. and I decided to open up the subject and find out exactly why Dr. The increase in street crime reflects all this. Shura's new partner in chemistry." Inevitably. Sol was uncomfortable. although I knew he didn't at all. Dr. unless our government decides otherwise for reasons of its own. and the increase in house breakins. "Well. we follow the First World industrialized countries when it comes to recommendations on drugs. and slightly Americanized. They would not be happy that I am doing chemistry work outside of the company. making the MDMA. Maybe Giorgio and company are just being very optimistic. 10 cents a dozen. "Why would your company object to your involvement with this matter?" His answer was a bit hesitant. "I don't know if anyone has mentioned it to you. "And there is another concern. he said to Shura. But. in my car?" We accepted with pleasure. "Men work but sometimes they aren't paid. That means nobody really knows for sure if making MDMA in Brazil actually is legal or just not illegal. when they talk to us. Shura began the conversation by saying. Eggs used to be. Often the workers can't afford the bus fare to get to their jobs. now they're a dollar. you understand?" Shura said he understood. we were made aware of a quite different point of view. "The owners are American. as if he were searching for the right words. neither of us did. but my participation in this adventure must be kept — ah — as quiet as possible.84 to promise serious trouble very soon. When the show ended. in general. Sol smiled broadly and nodded." He paused. about a year ago. I am very happy to hear that you will be working with me in Doctor Roberto's hospital. very bright. I've heard that you are a fine chemist. regarding the MDMA-making and the proposed clinic. a dreadful hopelessness sets in. perhaps not wanting to offend. having spent four years on the East Coast. then turned serious. then continued. as she explained it. and nobody cares any more. because even those with two or three jobs can't make enough to keep up with the inflation. uncomfortable silence settled in.

Sol. Then Shura said." Giorgio said. We have to trust these people. so if they believe it's okay to go ahead. Giorgio leaned forward and said. Borch left the United States. whether it's legal to make it here and use it in a clinic." Everyone looked at him. letting it all go. "First. Unknown. so many years ago. "So it's actually in limbo. "Yes and no. I have some interesting pieces of information concerning Mr. everything growing. "It is important for our people to give good reasons. blue eyes hooded. and replied to Shura's question. It's so damned muggy. Sol made a sharp right turn and I saw the familiar entrance gate to the Rich People's enclave where we were staying. Hector are pretty powerful. "I read to you from a report by a private detective who was employed to find out why Mr. or terminally ill people. After all. and I understand that he — the friend — is very soon going to talk to them and get approval for the clinic plans. now that you are down here to show us the procedure. his large face serious and intent. looked around at the rest of us. and they have access to them. a limbo situation. then we need to stop worrying about it and leave it in their hands. they know important people. Lena served iced tea and wine. Sol slowed the car for the first speed bump within the compound. and in the sudden silence. is that what you mean?" "As I understand it. and caught my breath. I hope that's the sound of moving air. Giorgio and Dr. not really clear. and to get permission from somebody in the government to do this. I could hear the leaves of the house plants rustling slightly. so it seems to me logical that we can go ahead and prepare the MDMA for use. Borch that Doctor Hector and I think you will want to hear. though. maybe like research in AIDS patients. Dr. After the laughter and reminiscences subsided. growing. But without such permission." Our host. These are the tropics. Doctor Hector has a close friend who knows the right officials in the government." Another small silence." I could feel Shura relaxing.The Brazil Caper 85 Shura shifted in his seat and tried to summarize. or are we hearing only intentions and hopes?" Dr. it's all so luxuriant. the tropics. "Now. In the headlights I caught sight of a large tree with immense white flowers. Almost too much to take in. I'll bet he's enjoying the drama. yes. comfy couch and chairs. . Dr. and the conversation for the first few minutes was about the show at the Scala. so rich. sometimes inches every day. it is. "Do you know if anyone is actually proposing this plan to the right people in government. Hector and our hosts were already settling in on the big." said Dr. Back at the house.

yes. 'Pope?'" Giorgio nodded vehemently.) After some spirited talk about Mr. Borch. "My God!" Dr. the Fugitive From Chicago. hands to her face. It just wasn't the moment to worry about being ladylike. boy! That should do it for any lingering emotional ties to the charming Mr. Dr. She explained the virtues of the young man running for president in the November election. almost sliding off the chair. "Do you remember when he told us that the Essence medicine at the spa had been made personally by Borodin. "But. the Indians and the poor. "People know that you can't be held responsible for your relatives. we called it a night. MONDAY: It was raining in Rio." she added. "Did he actually use the word. looking truly shocked. Hector came up with the gem of the evening." he read out loud. Shura asked. He chuckled and said to Giorgio. Giorgio? And he warned me that I should not try to see him under any circumstances. whenever we heard about the doings of Mister B. "I especially like the idea of being the Pope's wife!" On that supremely cheerful note. up to now. She said something in Portuguese which I guessed meant. Borch! Lena sat. do you remember. that this great scientist was unapproachable and high up and that only Borch himself had any chance of gaining admittance to that particular holy of holies!" Shura was grinning. our hosts having gone back to their apartment in the city for the day. only a continuing sense of unease and distrust. I swear to you!" I managed to croak. arms wrapped over my stomach. we were relieved to hear some solid evidence of what had been mostly. who made a television appearance and said all the wrong things about the blacks. We were alone with Corazon in the house. "Is suspected of having embezzled stock from a well-known investment firm in Chicago." Oh. to ask him questions about it? He told us that Borodin was 'the Pope' of this entire area of knowledge. (As we admitted to each other in private. and is still being sought for questioning in that matter. and I said that I wanted to go and find Alexander Borodin myself. at least for Shura and me. I do not think it will hurt him. including who were the best and worst presidents (the current one was among the worst). and I gave way completely to laughter. "Yes.86 TIHKAL — The Continuation "The subject. Corazon filled us in on the situation in Brazil as she knew or believed it. Over lunch. Sol leaned back in his armchair and nodded thoughtfully. later." . while Shura and I did our best to look grave and hide our satisfaction. and told us about his idiotic mother.

who had come barging in from other South American countries to rape the Amazon Rain Forest of its wealth. but we were both deeply concerned about the Rain Forest and what was happening to it." Shura and I exchanged glances and turned in our seats to face her. and made all Brazilians aware of the situation. about the destruction of the great green Lungs-of-the-World to the north. that it was powerless to prevent the trouble. which they don't pass on to the workers. were doing most of the damage. cleared away the scrambled egg plates. According to Corazon." but very good people with good minds. But Corazon believed that the real villains in the Amazon were not the Brazilian government people. And she warned us about shopping. She poured our second cups of coffee. She said that all workers are paid at the end of the month — if they are paid. and said. pervasive and all over the place." I guess she means they can tell you're a foreigner. the Draggo family (he was the one burned in the attempted assassination). and their government. that is — because that way 87 the employers can get the interest from the banks. so far." We understood that she meant the Spanish-speaking people. "Jacques Cousteau made a documentary about the cutting down of the Rain Forest. the price goes up. We had seen their response to the favelas. She told us about the "big hats. and failed to hear a single word. Corazon talked about her good and wonderful former employers. but the "Spanish people. "Look at the prices before you talk to the manager of the store to buy. because otherwise. . from any of those generous and thoughtful people. heard their theories about laziness and bad character being the cause of poverty and unemployment. She had apparently not heard that the Brazilians themselves." who are in positions of power. who were not what she calls "uppy-noses. Cousteau had made clear that the Indian tribes in the Amazon are or were being killed off or forced into 20th century ways of life. What she had been told was that the poor government couldn't do anything. I suppose this was one place where we privately doubted Corazon's information. Neither of us had seen the documentary. they see your face. which was destructive to them. the non-Brazilians. Political corruption is rife. keeping in mind that most of the time we trusted her views more than those of the wealthy people who usually surrounded us. endemic.The Brazil Caper She believed that the former Brazilian presidents who died by "suicide" or "accident" were murdered (probably true). and who accumulate money without doing anything at all for the public. nodding encouragement. and he is a great hero for doing this.

and I agreed it was probably a good idea. Corazon enticed us into a superb dish she'd made for us. shook hands with Shura." which might or might not lead to even more probing questions. Shura decided to wear a white shirt and tie for this event. Hector introduce me as "Doctor Alice. Actually. including some VIP's. We went to the bedroom and lay together on the bed. sooner or later. to ask whether I was a psychiatrist or a psychologist. the colors of roof tiles (red) and tree leaves (yellow and green) were sharpened by the rain. at which point I was going to have to say. and our translator. Shura gave his presentation. looking out through the open sliding door to the lovely view outside. in this case. using our French. and MDMA therapy in particular. I scanned the faces. then felt sleepy (both of us tended to have moments like that. now and then. but I chimed in every now and then. That evening. Dr. Shura to his left. we retired to our little writing nest on the top floor. just to show that my heart was in the right place. Hector would translate. informally dressed Rio. recognizing our hosts and several people from the Saturday MDMA group. I heard Dr. "Neither. and did a bit of work. Dr. as well as the medical contingent we had just met in the other room. It was my debut as an official speaker. just a therapist. it was mostly Shura's French. Across the street. when addressing a professional audience. I sat to his right. North American style. doctors and psychiatrists who were interested in the general area of psychoactive drugs. me. tacticly speaking. After about fifteen minutes of handshaking and smiling. probably adjusting to the tropical humidity). Dr. while women did the kiss-kiss as usual. Hector introduced the people — several physicians among them — who spoke minimal or no English. those who spoke English well introduced themselves. Men. We drove to the Miramar Hotel with Pierre and Helena again. which I raved over. in the afternoon. a chayote souffle. There were three chairs for Shura. Later. where a long table had been set up. since I had long loved chayotes — called chou-chou in Brazil — but didn't really know how to use them well. In the penthouse of the hotel. we were escorted into a room with large windows and a bar where I was able to get a glass of ice water. even in relaxed. we were due to talk — both of us — to a roomful of people. and while he addressed the audience in Portuguese.88 TIHKAL — The Continuation After breakfast."(despite my request not to) and prepared for someone in the audience. It took a while for him . and there we met with some of the people who had come to hear from us about psychoactive drugs in general. Hector. We napped for a while. having some difficulty with the brand new experience of being translated as he went along. we were shown to another room and a small stage.

Leon. and he was the one person from whom it was most meaningful. perhaps because I already knew a great many of the faces by then. when I had been the recipient of the questions for some time. The original plan had allowed for three days. but that had been the plan attached to the early idea of two labs. and the young Dr. I found myself without the expected stage-fright. his mistress Marina. Leon. He turned out to be the head of the department of pharmacology at one of the universities. and the entire thing lasted. shrewd plastic surgeon. whom we had not met before.The Brazil Caper to remember to deliver only a phrase or two before turning to Dr. kid!" TUESDAY: Up at 6:00 a. There were about twenty or so people in the audience. who had helped us out as second translator. but a whole three hours. and he expressed to us his immense respect for their power. It was the best compliment I could possibly have been given. but it didn't happen. and was apparently well respected by the medical community. And it was certainly the first time I'd ever heard him talk at a normal rate of speed in public. for what they made possible. or Dr. We went to bed late. we got another translator who not only knew English better than Dr. Toward the end. I was never asked for my credentials. Since Shura is used to talking to an audience at 150 mph. He revealed that he had taken many psychedelics. Roberto and his allies . Halfway through the whole business. having both good and bad trips. from odd conversations around us.m. Roberto. for instance. We had supper in the hotel dining room with Dr. and of how to say it. when it was a matter of a therapeutic application of MDMA. Now and then. he also had a gift of being able to present ideas — Shura's and his own — with great flair and poetry. with digressions right and left. most probably. Hector would. Hector. The usual questions came from all quarters. When it was over. for Lab Day. knowing that — as Shura phrased it — "We done good. I felt my face flushing with the increased expectation of that dreaded confrontation. until he got the hang of it. and a couple of other nice things along that line. it presented him with some moments of frustration. Hector for the translation. heaven knows why. But also. Gradually. not the expected hour and a half. the charming. He kept getting applause. because I felt absolutely sure of what I was saying. that I had acquitted myself superbly. Shura 89 would turn to me. Nice feeling. This was Dr. we began to understand the two-lab plan as having been an effort on the part of Dr. Shura came up to me and quietly said that he was very proud of me.

luxurious-looking houses. too. The red lights are observed again after 7:30 a. a long.m. because all others are either dead or in the hospital. You just sort of drive ahead. We already knew that all. Shura's fellow chemist for the day — from his own company laboratory. as it would all day — and the rest of the week. Someone had boasted to Shura. look most tropical in the rain. Giorgio was taking us in his car and. Roberto. I glimpsed grey-white walls invaded by the ever-present fungus. Now it was one lab. glassware and essential chemicals. and a sink. "Come with me for a moment. and lots of small children in short pants and dirty undershirts. during the ride. no building was safe from them. Also. nobody stops for red lights.m. Sol. though. then the handsome Dr. and the battle between the two factions would take place without our participation. in a suburb full of large. There were windows all along the bench-wall. I want you to see my new laboratory!" He led me .90 TIHKAL — The Continuation to have MDMA synthesized in one lab for the use of an inner circle (chosen by Dr. those who are at the wheel are liable to be excellent drivers. What else we would find.. The tropics. There were more of the little cantinas with their bottled fruit drinks. we were afraid to guess. somehow.) We drove over the bridge to the city of Niteroi. Dr. of the lab equipment. then Sr. We arrived at a place on the far side of the city. being careful to avoid everyone else who is just sort of driving ahead. who took my arm and said. and noted that the tall condominiums were fewer than in Rio. when the rush hour begins. what conditions. you simply watch out and drive carefully. or most.. nobody pays attention to lane markings. and Giorgio filled us in on the rules of the road in Rio. It was raining. Draggo. and we were told that it was entirely devoted to plastic surgery. after 10 p. he said. it wasn't our concern. the conversation turned to the driving of cars. that "The laboratory has running water!" Which had led us both to some feverish speculation as to how impossible this whole situation was going to be. than the glamorous Rio. Its lobby had all the marble and leather appropriate to a place whose clientele is mostly wealthy women. apparently to avoid being held up by robbers. and we opened most of them in anticipation of wild smells to come. one synthesis. Rio traffic is like traffic on the German Autobahn. (Especially when the light is green. First. The poor-cousin city of Niteroi looked more genuinely Brazilian. The lab turned out to be a recently abandoned one. Hector came in. off and on. I thought to myself. The graffiti were the same. the day before. Roberto from among his intimate friends) and another batch made in another lab for the clinic-to-be. narrow room with a bench running its entire length. but in between. would be brought in by Dr. The clinic building was large.

Shura and Sol were already busy. I see what you mean. and I expressed my surprise and admiration. and I heard the beginning of what would become a familiar accompaniment to the doings of the day — bursts of soft-voiced. Dr. But I don't understand.The Brazil Caper upstairs to what turned out to be a very large. unpacking equipment. Now and then. what difference does that make?" "It's going to react faster and burn hotter. and as soon as it gets pretty hot. Giorgio informed us that he. "Yes. but I had learned some of the steps in making MDMA. At one point. and wanted to see for themselves. and I will see all of you later!" When I returned to the scene of the chemistry. I'd done it not just to help make a good supply for the use of our therapist friends. would hang around to watch the proceedings until a bit later. he called me over from my seat in the far corner of the lab. but also to find out whether I had any unsuspected knack for chemistry.S. I had volunteered to take care of this early part of the process. I crumpled a piece and agreed. that's what it means. the part where you weigh out a certain amount of cut aluminum foil into a big flask. when he had an appointment with a Brigadier General back in Rio. Shura said to me. one of the essential ingredients in the process. sing-song cursing on the part of Shura. I assumed they were clinic personnel who had heard rumors about something going on in the old lab." He looked concerned. then add a whole series of other chemicals and watch for heat to develop in the mixture. He grinned proudly. and you continue swirling the mixture and immersing the bottom half of the flask in the water until the heat begins to drop and the threat of a boil-over is gone. "Feel this. until we looked at the rolls they had there for our use. Sol had arrived. It hadn't occurred to us that we perhaps should have brought our own aluminum foil from the United States. (It hadn't taken long for both of us to come to the conclusion that I didn't. well-equipped lab indeed. kid." "Oh. many years ago. then duck back out. some stranger would pop in through the door and look around. regular foil — much thinner. himself. It's thinner than the U. I don't know the first thing about chemistry. then excused himself. but nobody paid any attention. Please tell your husband I send to him my good wishes for his endeavors. as he examined the equipment he was expected to use in making MDMA. "I have to leave you now. there is a breast-implant waiting 91 for me." I said.) One part of the process I remembered very well. to look at a roll of aluminum foil. and I could visualize all too well what Shura was warning me about: rapid heat . you dunk the glass flask into a pot of cold water.

pulling down. the reaction was going hotter and faster than I'd ever seen it go before. some of it barely usable. boil-over. he rolled them wildly. things like. both of them were delighted with the challenge one moment. and I grinned back. Hector said later. caught in the energy. with Sol moving gracefully. mess. Shura patched it with duct tape. although only a fraction of material was lost. I was down in a corner.92 TIHKAL — The Continuation gain. As everyone was talking about getting ice-cubes from somewhere to keep the . screwing in. we had to get to work. Hector was drafted to help me. and there was no flow of air from the windows to dissipate the fumes. Sol had carried in several cartons of equipment. tearing up aluminum foil! What is going on here?" And other such idiocies. it kept going. There was an old rotary evaporator which wobbled alarmingly. Because of the thin-ness of the aluminum. after the day in the lab. following Shura's directions and cautions. and kept teasing Sol about Third World this and that. and — as Dr. followed by even more diligent tearing. and had to be attended to. but no sign of filter paper of the right size. To all of which he replied with a slightly conspiratorial smile. Fifth and Seventh World (this last being used to describe the balance brought into the clinic by Sol). once the reaction was launched. so our boys cut out a substitute from a piece of paper towel. tearing strips of aluminum foil. though. and the young chemist teased right back. There wasn't much I could do about it for the moment. They knew pretty well what they were dealing with. Dr. hoping all over again. and mildly hysterical most of the time. when the Pope's eyes met mine. despairing the next. "Who would have thought to see the former Assistant Minister of Transportation and Housing sitting on a stool in an old lab. Shura was beginning to go happily manic. Hooking up." Occasionally. loss of too much valuable product. fitting on. while Shura danced. they were almost eager to point out that that's what it was. and the boiling subsided. and suddenly it boiled up and out of the top of the flask. When it was time to manage the first reaction — by dunking the rapidly heating flask in a large stainless steel bucket of cold water at the appropriate time — I sat on the floor at the end of the lab. and soon discovered that I'd made a mistake. However. reverently — "We were treated to a ballet of enthusiastic creativity. and what they would have to invent or do without. I did suggest to Shura that perhaps he should tone down his references to Fourth. and had to suffer the inevitable teasing from both Sol and Shura. Dr. But first. doing what he had to do. I continued immersing it in the water. some of it perfectly fine. I should note that our group of people (upper-crust? uppy-nose? The Rich?) not only didn't hesitate to refer to Brazil as Third World. There was a superb Buchner funnel among the treasures.

then finally went off to a small room which Dr. Do other South American countries have them? Funny how you take little things like that for granted because you grow up with them. pretty romantic for a politician. Roberto dropped in again. everything's a bit different in Brazil. The second flask heated much more slowly. before returning to the lab and its strange crew. with no boilover. occasionally grunting in code to each other. Roberto took us to lunch — Dr. Hector. I went over to Dr. stirred and poured. I wonder if washcloths just aren't used in Brazil. For the second flask (we were only doing two). He produced a folded magazine and vigorously fanned my face. and when I asked why it was going so much better. and I went on a brief exploratory journey down the corridors of the clinic.The Brazil Caper 93 water cold. otherwise it was fine. and a fan was brought in to train on my face. The Rain Forest and its Indians were obviously not one of the great doctor's major concerns. "I made some adjustments. The fan had no front guard. Never happened. Dr. we ate more modestly. and we said Oh. he drove us to what I later decided was one of my favorite places of the entire trip. This time. Hector. then. came over and sat down beside me on the small stool he had used earlier. past banana trees. he said. Dr. dear man. "Well. Hector was still seated on his little stool. After lunch. they seem to have worked. Roberto had invited me to use if I wanted to rest. . heart-shaped pod hanging from each tree. trying to get some air to me as I coughed — and laughed — in a cloud of methylamine. wine-colored. are they? They use these little handtowels instead. which I'd never seen in person before. "It is like being present at the birth of a royal baby. Shura said. this is Brazil. Dr. I washed my face and combed my hair and noted that there were no washcloths. in shirtsleeves." I smiled at him and patted his shoulder. this time with his physician son. and didn't pursue the subject. but washcloths aren't really essential to life. and whispered to me. and Dr. But. the chemists sat me up over the sink. Sol. In the small attached bathroom. We talked briefly about what was happening in the Rain Forest. He's such a funny. I kept feeding small cups of Brazilian coffee to the chemists and myself. passing nurses and doctors and the occasional patient in bandages. with a large. both of them dressed for surgery. watching Shura and Sol as they measured. I guess." Finally. Hector. Roberto dismissed all "rumors" about the killing of Indians. I'd done my part. Small green bunches of ripening bananas were visible. Dr. He pulled my sleeve to bring my head closer to his." and I said. happy to hear that. The drive was up a hill. Shura and myself — at another Porxo. just to see that everything was proceeding well.

might or might not ever produce an acceptable scientific paper. When we got back to the lab. Both Shura and Sol were shouting. trading friendly insults. stifling laughter. back to the Great Work. Roberto pointed out a mango tree. while a tired audience watched. which looked to me a lot like a mimosa. that this WAS a hospital. I stood for a few minutes watching as the two chemists resumed work. when I heard loud yells from inside. again. our host and hostess settled in front of the television downstairs. with its quiet. to watch a Portuguese-dubbed re-run of the movie "Dune. and the two chemists were alone in the lab. thoroughly enjoying the challenge. and maybe a bit quieter. I opened the door. and I would have liked spending some time there. and it was the tropics. the real tropics. Discreetly. They started repacking the glassware and the chemicals in their cardboard boxes. Also Dr. so Sol was going to take the product to his own company lab and complete the distillation there." I . Slept soundly for a couple of hours. and subsided after one last vehement slap of each other's palms. and reminded them. When I returned to the lab. fragrant coffee. Little bites of Brazilian pastry were brought up on a tray. Shura told me that there was no proper distillation equipment. The view was lovely. just standing there with another cup of the strong. and Shura's and my wedding anniversary. there was a crumbling cement overlook and the remnants of a spiral staircase to an upper level which no longer existed. and if it did take place. and the humid air which had been cooled by the rain. But after a few minutes. Then I remembered that this was the 4th of July. everyone talked and asked questions and laughed and offered congratulations. yes. Dr. things were coming to an end. Now it was Dr. no? They put their fingers to their mouths like guilty schoolboys. at that point. the guests left for a while. I retired to my own personal room and went to sleep on the hospital bed. I liked that place. and between mouthfuls. cleaning up. the beautiful Katya. we were off again. making MDMA for research which might or might not ever actually take place. No better place. and we were surrounded by palm trees and flowering bushes of different kinds. I was outside the door. On the way down. only not quite. Finally. Hector and Giorgio. with an ever-changing audience watching two hilarious chemists wondering how they were going to manage with the antiquated equipment. with their little daughter. "Gimme five! Gimme another five!" at the top of their lungs. in a stage whisper. and a young man who was introduced as an assistant to Sol. What better place to spend our anniversary than in a Third World clinic laboratory. Roberto and Marina. Back home.94 TIHKAL — The Continuation At the top of the hill.

going on eight. then said she would show us in the refrigerator. WEDNESDAY This was supposed to be a day of writing and quiet — nothing exciting going on — until the evening. The red liquid was gone. and it is because I took some of the medicine that is in the refrigerator. but for the moment. questions such as. until we reached the kitchen. Then. (That. We were making reassuring noises. the blue-eyed. of course. "I like you very much. Corazon holding onto my hand for dear life.. when we would dress up for Dr. In the refrigerator door. just a little bit. tracing on the map the location of the town called Mato Grosso. "I have to tell you something." to which . be careful here. then Shura asked her how much she had taken. the yellow was left. with only Corazon downstairs. telling her to go slowly. is Mato Grosso a state or a town or both. So we were all alone in the house. Corazon holding onto the back of my shoulders as I moved.m.The Brazil Caper 95 told them that my favorite person in the movie was the hero's baby sister. we heard her feet on the stairs. and we later estimated that it might have been. possibly. so I did. At around 11 a. and what kind of job. both of us writing in the little study. and she tried to indicate with thumb and forefinger. talking a bit slower than usual. one empty. lisping little girl with telekinetic powers. We went upstairs to write our notes for the day and fall into bed.) We went into the living room. saying to both of us. moving slowly because she was seven months pregnant. and that I should take some. suddenly. someone would be sure to notice the empty bottle and probably ask questions. Delia (next door) said that she took it when she had problems and it helped her very much. then we asked her some questions about her young husband's new job in Mato Grosso. I am feeling very strange. Roberto's birthday party at his home. was a somewhat unrealistic promise. Corazon showed us how much she had measured out in the bottle cap. she sat down on a chair beside me and said. because eventually. and she appeared with a carafe of coffee and two mugs for us. We helped her recap the bottle and put everything back in the 'frig. there were two bottles. so we all went very carefully down the stairs. we were going to pretend that none of that would happen. telling her that this would remain a secret between the three of us. step over the telephone cord. probably. take it easy there. and she began telling us. This seemed to amuse them. We thanked her effusively for having gone to all that trouble. maybe about 150 milligrams of MDMA." Shura and I looked at each other. and she said thank you.

and she laughed again when she realized he was right. painted face and all. "We are very glad to have the opportunity to know you as a person. "It happens to everybody who takes this medicine for the first time. She laughed and told us it didn't bother her. was her grandmother on her mother's side. knowing about . she told us. and I do not want you to see me as just the maid and a good cook. now transformed. gazing at the familiar features. and it was very hard. she said. Shura observed that she was talking through her teeth. climbing trees for fruit. the deep sense that the universe is in balance. We told her it was normal with the medicine and would calm down. softly. We suggested a wet cloth (no washcloths in Brazil) and I brought her a handtowel to chew on. my dear — for the first few times. if you watched for it." I smiled and squeezed her hand. in fact — this and the eye wiggling. and she was one of the most beautiful people I had ever seen. it was all right. truthfully. She had gone to New York. "In my family. "Everything is all right. "Because we are a mixture of races." But the Italian family treated her like dirt and kept telling the boy he should get rid of her and marry someone who didn't look like a Negro. She said she had never had this kind of treatment before in Brazil. you know? I want you to see me as a person. a blond Italian whose family was very white and didn't like her because she was dark. and I am proud of all the different bloods I have inside me. Shura and I. Then she said. I told her that the grinding of teeth was normal. the eye-wiggle. her shining black hair framing a brown-skinned face softened and radiant as that of a girl of sixteen. that — despite all evidence to the contrary — all things really are going the way they're supposed to. she sat with her knee touching mine. too. holding onto my hand except when waving both of hers to illustrate a point. One of the things she was proudest of." Yes. too. with good minds. This was a different Corazon. yes. they're just annoying. when she was 16 or 17. they won't hurt you. and married a young Italian. she's getting that first magical gift of a good MDMA experience." Corazon said she didn't mind any of it. frown lines had vanished from around eyes and mouth.96 TIHKAL — The Continuation we replied." she said. but she kept her pride. She added." We nodded and Shura replied. some of my sisters are blond and some are dark like me. who had been an Indian woman in the Amazon jungle. "I want to tell you about myself. and not to worry about it. On the couch. I knew he was seeing her as I did. that we liked her very much. Her eyes were dilated and you could actually see the nystagmus. We sat there. When I glanced at Shura. at the expression of awe on his face as he looked at Corazon. because you are good people.

"I did not have the plan to kill myself." she told us. "We loved each other. and I wrote everything down in a little notebook that I keep always with me. Her jaw. She pulled up her skirt. and when she was healed. wise woman. some people who ran a ranch of some kind had asked her to train their kitchen staff. but he didn't want to. was synthetic and her cheekbones were too." Now. wide scar down the side of her right leg. "I got the rest. just far enough to show us the long. hip and leg bones. you know? So I could rest. that she was beautiful. There was a good doctor who talked to her and gave her courage. "You see?" she said. speaking the truth. which is very large. She was going to journey to Mato . "And I learned very much about that kind of medicine from her." He told her he would go to Africa and marry another black woman (so there! to his parents) and she said goodbye and went back home. the discrimination. She asked us if we would mind if she showed us something very personal. the loneliness. and she climbed out of a window and let herself fall." We both nodded. the pressures got too much for her. in the town of Mato Grosso. She sustained fractures of most of her facial bones. but it wasn't enough. She released my hand and took out her upper teeth and her lower teeth. We didn't ask from what floor. where she made decent money. "When I returned to Brazil. I just wanted a rest. and we said go ahead. One day she'd had enough. kept asking her to send money. she told us." She said she had to work in New York and that her family in Brazil. I wanted everything to stop for a while." she said. then popped them back in." said Corazon. she told us. "She was a wonderful. "I took some of the money I saved from my good job in New York. She told her husband that she was going back to Brazil. Corazon said. emphatically. the hard work. always too tired so she couldn't think clearly anymore. she was too tired. he got her a good job at a fancy restaurant. and she and her husband were very poor. and she was in the hospital for eight months. She reached over and took my hand again. with an almost conspiratorial smile. She said. Finally. and I went to the best cooking school in Rio. where her new young husband had a job doing carpentry. and she sent all she could. the constant demands from her family back home. the hostility of her in-laws.The Brazil Caper 97 the uses of plants and leaves and roots and stems for different kinds of sickness. We told her. She was very pleased because it was something she knew she could do well. but she had to live also. several times. and asked him to come with her.

it wasn't wrong (this was not the time for a lecture). turned to Giorgio and said. but that's the way they are doing it. Our hosts said. everyone thinks probably they would ignore each other. we urged her to rest on her bed. We hugged each other. Roberto came in with his doctor son for a few minutes. They must have met each other.98 TIHKAL — The Continuation Grosso as soon as this job — taking care of us — was over. "I want to learn everything I can while I am alive." Corazon reached out with her free left hand. She said. "But it has not happened yet." I said what a pity that the adult sons and the young Katya could not form some kind of relationship. and she went downstairs to her room. She said all right. more than from the other people around us." said I. she had . much later. so she had to try to make it bigger before it was born. and you are people who have minds like that. and Shura said. as advertised. she understood. and yes. When she began coming down. and never mentioned or in any way acknowledged the existence of the mistress. but one signed Klee — and we were greeted by the gracious Clara. seated in front because of his long legs. "I remember. and I like to spend time around people with good. She asked if we thought she had done something wrong in taking the medicine. the handsome. with an immense living room whose walls were hung with paintings — good ones." "Wow. His eyes were wet. I mean. it seemed un-natural and sad that they pretended each other didn't exist. "Thank you for sharing so much with us — about Brazil and about yourself. or the lovely little Katya. while we dressed for our evening out. the — Marina and her daughter and Roberto's son — " Lena replied with a chuckle. rich minds." We told her we were learning a lot from her. and we said no. Our surgeon's house was very large. and Shura took it in both of his. who went through life admired by all who knew her. and I am so glad I met you. Then. but she shouldn't take anything like that again until after the baby was born and weaned. when we were packing up. Marina. on the lab day. gracious (according to our hosts) Clara. Shura. Roberto. his mistress came in with the little girl. "You never know —" said Shura. it is a pity. mostly modern and by Brazilian artists. And if it did happen. who was. a very handsome woman. When we were dressed. we were picked up by Giorgio and Lena and driven to the home of Dr. We were now going to meet his wife. back in our bedroom. Dr. She said that the doctor had told her the baby was small."— where the next lesson is going to come from.

I love lightning. My ever-present little notepad was remarked on with amusement by all. and the sounds of laughter and loud talk competed with the storm howling outside the canvas cover. until I looked to the right and saw a yacht floating on the water. He whistled softly. the young plastic surgeon we'd met the first night was there. making the exposed part of the deck uninhabitable. even as we sit and drink our little drinkies. Rita. We sat at a table in a protected part of the huge deck with Giorgio and Lena. new legends are being born. and I saw lightning outside. rain was beginning to fall. "This. Sonia. talking and asking the usual questions. someone else would sit down. Chairs were being borrowed from other tables and dragged over to ours. I wondered how the yacht was doing. "On a remarkable bit of insight. joined us. Our table now included the chemist. and Lena identified her as a very famous singer. Hector's wife. Shura came out onto the deck behind me." A few minutes later. What looked like the rest of Rio's high society was pouring through the front door. Servants unrolled canvas walls with plastic windows in them. For a while. There was discussion of what everybody had heard about the ballet in the laboratory. showing the world that one's work should be joyful. A large yacht. omitting the fact that the rest of the notes were somewhat more personal and certainly not for public consumption. yes. who was wearing a simple. visible through the glass wall behind our table. "Is why people become plastic surgeons in Brazil. and I poked his arm and pointed. A middleaged lady with dark hair worn in a tight bun sat at the table next to us." I remarked. Sr." he said. to shield us from the weather. Looking around at the roomful of expensively dressed women." "I do congratulate you. The deck ended at what I thought was a swimming pool (I hadn't realized we were on the bay). When one inhabitant got up to greet a friend. Ah. expensive little dress of black velvet. and soon Dr. There was a kind of musical chairs going on with the seat next to Shura. one gathered that sequins were in.The Brazil Caper 99 a slim figure and was dressed in red and black sequins. to my great delight. and I explained that I was gathering names and addresses from our table-mates. Sol. this season. but the name was scattered by a gust of wind. Draggo and his pretty young wife. the wonderful sight of Senhor Shura dancing around. looking at the pretty boat in reverent silence. The singer was dressed in dark red sequins. and we both stood there. . The rain was now coming down heavily and a strong wind was blowing. Outside the living room was a big deck with numerous tables set for guests.

"— and I went and got some supper. They obviously didn't understand how that could be. "Just in case there are symptoms. The clothes were expensive and generally in good taste. myself. Lena reminded me that most of the women there had had their plastic surgery done by Dr. Not to speak of neck. maybe. and here I am. Carlos. and safe. at least you're alive." mumbled Shura." he said. Ah. When I turned around to take mine back to our table. but trauma nonetheless. neither did I. including (of course) caviar. Then the serving people began filling plates. and surely everyone at that party knew him by sight (one does not fail to recognize a man worth $120 million) and his affectionate greeting of Shura and me inspired more whispering. I smiled and let the crowd jostle me forward again. Roberto to the side of the room. We all piled into the dining room and made appreciative noises at the beauty of it all. jawline and eyelids. in the general direction of fresh air. Figures were generally svelte. well. Roberto. There came a call to everyone to come and see the table in the dining room. the women loaded with what I guessed were genuine jewels. about ten minutes later." she said. I asked him what had happened. When Shura rejoined our group. right?" "Just because you can't see any blood. where a photographer waited.100 TIHKAL — The Continuation Waiters served canapes. Sr. my mouth half full of asparagus. And "lipo. "Well. of course." . some watching our group and whispering discreetly among themselves. "Roberto asked me to pose for a picture for some society column. including a centerpiece of fruit and flowers that could well have served as a monument to harvest season at Rockefeller Center. I then said that Shura preferred that I remain my un-retouched self. and when I remarked on this. Deeply buried. and I watched people at other tables. which occasioned frankly pitying looks all round. "Doesn't mean there isn't serious trauma." I muttered that I was beginning to seriously think about lipo (liposuction)." I said. and I gather he was explaining to them about the great scientist from the United States — that's me — and then he took his arm from around my throat —" I laughed. and that's all that matters. the women did their hair in European styles." "I'll keep an eye on you. to admire the setting and the food before the eating began. "Everyone loves to have lipo. One of the late arrivals at our table (hugs and kiss-kiss all round) was the multi-millionaire. Shura gave me the expected dirty look. At that point. with no short hair that I could see. I saw Shura being drawn by Dr." "Well.

first.' They don't seem to understand the distinction between shopping and buying. which we couldn't get at home. This was to be the shopping day. why I did not wish to do such a thing. to help me wake up. It was a lovely storm. some of them with barkers outside them.The Brazil Caper 101 Lightning continued to flash outside the walls of our deck. Dr. and I was going to be leaving in a few days. over-priced. who has myasthenia gravis and is very depressed). the handsome.' but I'm not sure that would have been understood. and we left. Shura found two Portuguese-to-French dictionaries. . There were countless jewelry stores. and gusts of wind flapped the canvas. Hector told me that he would like to bring two people over to the house on Friday. (My reluctance was due. I only work with one patient at a time and second." Stopping at various bookstores to find something on the Amazon. We went into a couple of souvenir stores. but we bussed his wife and thanked her enthusiastically for the beautiful evening." I added. in which I found great little native nonsense to take home. using terms which are not part of the usual social vocabulary. One is inclined to be suspicious of the quality of gems in a store that hires barkers. It's okay. to the idea of trying to communicate intently with a patient. just to 'go shopping. in no small part. 'window shopping." I told him. Not the most satisfying image. while she nodded her head (graciously).) When we were ready to leave. with a translator between me and the person I'm trying to touch at a very deep level. Hector thought for a while about what I'd said. suave Dr. urgently. "You should have tried using the expression. that whoever works with people who have problems (one of them was apparently his cousin. to "See how you do what you do. with himself translating and watching. which seemed a bit strange. Roberto wasn't around. then shrugged his disappointment and turned away. but certainly getting the music. "Because I fully intend to do buying. like North Beach exotic nightclubs. My dear Dr. probably understanding not a word (we'd been warned that she knew no English). He sat on the edge of the bed and said. "Our hosts don't seem to quite understand me when I tell them that I don't necessarily want to buy things. I bought two Brazilian cookbooks. should be the person who can continue working with them in the future. pointing out that. though. give them MDMA. either." I explained. THURSDAY: Shura came upstairs with a cup of coffee for me. and have me do therapy with them.

102 TIHKAL — The Continuation Then up we went to Sonia's apartment to wait for Giorgio to join us. "Ah. In one corner of the large living room stood a most unusual statue. like one I'd bought earlier that day. on our shopping trip. kiddo." Neither do we. how some people who use MDMA for "spiritual enlightenment" can manage to forget everything they might have learned under the influence. but don't worry. reminders of Draggo's import and export connections. A life-size-plus terracotta figure of one of the soldiers unearthed at Xian. "You understand that Dr. and the . once they're back in their normal state. I liked Sonia. Lena was saying. FRIDAY: At breakfast on Friday morning Giorgio told us that the new MDMA was to be brought over to the house on Saturday afternoon. And she'd been good to Corazon. "— and everyone has a friend or relative who needs MDMA and should have it to help their problems. as I already told you. later. She had been patient and pleasant company. Sonia insisted on giving us a gift of two lovely Chinese drawings on rice paper and a wonderful ashtray showing one of the "balagandans" (which means bunches) that the Indians make for good luck. Of course. Roberto's plan. that it was one of probably only three or four in the world outside of China. because we are not going with Dr. always made of wood — the Brazilian (phallic) good-luck symbol." And we should keep in mind that we're only hearing one person's version of that story. On the way back home there was a discussion in the car about the Family politics. and Corazon had spoken of her as a truly good person. with Lena. mostly his friends. full of Persian rugs of great quality. mostly Chinese furnishing and porcelain. The apartment was gorgeous. The Brazilians use them as coffee-table knickknacks or to hang on the wall. Roberto wants use of the magic elixir kept for an inner circle of special people. my friend. It is just part of the story of what goes on in the Family. Giorgio said. we don't agree. with almost nothing available for the rest of the Family. Shura told me. which counted for much with Shura and me." Shura asked. luxurious. "Does that mean he isn't interested in the new clinic and the research?" Giorgio glanced at him. after his dentist appointment. then back at the road. They are usually a half-moon of tin or brass from which hang various symbolic fruits and a miniature fist with the thumb protruding between the first two fingers. Amazing.

I thought. you tip him a couple of cruzados. Black beans. just a small group. It's the way he makes his living. Giorgio said no. flagged a policeman and told him that he had money for the man who watches the cars. with the failure of our expedition. at this point. Wonderful.The Brazil Caper Family would gather to try it out. that Giorgio would simply drive off. into health food stores. until lunchtime. and you can't predict what will or will not be available. with pleasant music playing in the background. Giorgio expressed the hope that Tomas. there's nothing suspicious about a handshake. Hector's physiotherapy clinic. The third world is such a mixture of have's and unexpected have-nots. he was sure the policeman would pass on the money. It was served in the longest baking dish I'd ever seen. the money was passed. Shura and I were impressed by the whole negotiation. well. when we went down to the kitchen and joined our hosts. The kind of lunch that guarantees you won't eat supper. and now. We went into jewelry stores. Shura and I remained upstairs. In response to our obvious question. "Well. On we went to Dr. could he leave the payment with the policeman? The policeman (Giorgio told us later) said he didn't want to be seen taking money from somebody in a car. this time. "Of course not. Lena patted Shura's arm and asked. "Do you mind if on Saturday evening we gather together. no-how. My. which was small but nicely furnished. Now. there is always a man who offers to watch your car for you. the guardian was nowhere to be seen. and ready to go home. When you park. We're tired. to ask some questions?" Shura had replied. oh my. Shura and I returned to the car. and since he was absent. They wouldn't be able to weigh out their new MDMA without one. not finding him. when Giorgio. the next door neighbor. After lunch. But no. he looked all around for the man and. (It . and the way you keep your car out of the hands of the Paraguayan military (which is where stolen cars apparently end up). There is a system in Rio whereby you keep your car protected from vandalism and theft (often of the entire car). could get one in Sao Paulo in time for the Saturday gathering. When you come back. as did Shura. Nowhere. how about my shaking your hand. vegetables. we went with Giorgio to try to find a scale which could weigh milligrams. especially by the desire of Giorgio to make sure the car man got paid." 103 What the hell can they possibly ask that we haven't already answered? Oh. is there?" During the handshake. the feijoada (fey-joe-AH-dah). An interesting little incident happened during our expedition into the city with Giorgio to find a proper balance. Corazon had cooked the national dish of Brazil. so Giorgio said. fruit and slices of meat. writing. Maybe off having coffee or taking a pee break.

but I have to fight their faces out of my mind in the morning. afraid of the pull to another world that they symbolized. quirky smile. and after a while they'll go on with their other business and leave you to get on with your life. they just haven't the experience.) There. but left the talking to me. Dr. "Instead of pushing your dead friends away when you wake up. because a group session isn't the right thing for him. visualizing this gentle man facing his bathroom mirror. cold feet. with thinning white hair and a shy. who are loving and caring to me in the dream. we crowded into his little office and met the only representative of a group of three or four physicians who hadn't yet managed to make it to any previous presentation of ours. and none of them are trained to do therapy with MDMA. for whom we both felt an immediate liking. Tall. with dear. he had apparently asked Dr." I thought for a moment. It is very hard for me to do this. "Well." The nice Dr. and I am feeling too vulnerable and a little bit frightened. and can do it one-on-one. right now. Jorge volunteered another problem. but that I would suggest trying trance work first. which he said he hesitated to tell anyone. I said. Shura sat back and nodded appropriately. They are not a danger to you. even the psychiatrists. he thought we might understand. Does that make sense to you?" . especially in your dreams. tailor-made to elicit maternal response. Eventually. he would be making a living. and emphasized the importance of finding a well-respected hypnotherapist with whom he could feel at ease. because they love you. This turned out to be a cardiologist. to make sure you're all right. he can probably get some real help immediately. and certain growing symptoms of depression. the only people we know who have MDMA available are the so-called Family. Jorge. He asked me whether he should take MDMA. Maybe they'll get it in the new clinic. Hector to arrange a personal meeting with us. and I told him that MDMA can be very helpful with depression. "I have a trouble of many nights dreaming about my dead friends. due to rainy weather. after his government service. Think of them as occasionally coming in contact with you. half awake. or whatever. I suggested that hypnotherapy would probably be his best bet. If and when. as he talked about his background. We sat alone with him for about an hour. If he can find a good hypnotherapist. I explained. and enjoy being with you in what you are doing and experiencing. but after spending time with us. He said. When Shura asked me later why I'd dissuaded him from taking MDMA. Going on plain old gut instinct. dead faces crowding his mind. But this guy needs a therapist who knows what he's doing. try bringing them along as allies during the day. Any time you feel their presence. invite them to see through your eyes and feel through your skin.104 TIHKAL — The Continuation simply hadn't occurred to me to wonder how.

" SATURDAY: We decided. The $40 would continually appreciate. good. The usual group. It was almost noon before the rest of the group began arriving. When we showed her the collection of Brazilian plants. and by 11:00 o'clock. we — Shura. she pointed at some tiny dried stems visible through the plastic and told us that these were called prickle-plants. both of you. including the quiet sweet mulatto lady. because inflation in Brazil was about 40% a month. The gentle masseur brought more guarana powder in a plastic wrap as a goodbye gift. Now. observing every move. thank heaven it didn't. Sr. as the faces of our friends. We each had a small coffee. for the 11:30 a. looking at me thoughtfully. Giorgio and I — stopped at one of the stands that sold coffee and beer and some food. enclosed in a round plastic container. start. and . The idea might have horrified him. "That makes very much sense. clustered over the Great One's shoulder. but that's another Rio habit — being late.m. On this rather delicate-looking machine." Just between her and us.m. undisguised by colored liquids). "Thank you very much. and to my great delight. of course. said Shura). The 13 people for the day's ceremony arrived late. "for the baby. the Pope — watched intently by Dr. which tasted just as good as it had the day before.The Brazil Caper 105 He sat back in his chair. Waldo. she would resist changing it into Brazilian money for as long as she could. why should I fear dead friends who love me?" He looked over at Shura and back at me. so if she was as wise as we believed her to be. wearing a mixture of expectancy and something close to reverence. Shura and I ate lunch in the kitchen while the group was having its session. The session was supposed to start at 11:30 a. Corazon served us the remains of Friday's gorgeous feijoada. right after breakfast. as you say. It is true that I should not be afraid of them. Tomas had brought the promised balance scale (out of the turn of the century. I took pictures with our sturdy old camera. Giorgio. Sol. to give Corazon $40 (American). he can stop being afraid and feeling guilty because he's rejecting people he loved when they were alive. New material and a new way of taking it (powder. each. Lena and the Pope's Wife — measured out 13 doses of 120 mgs. Hector. After the meeting at the clinic. which was on loan from some friend of his in Sao Paulo. Leo and his Anita gave us a lovely table display of dried plants of Brazil. then smiled and said." Good. I saw on the wall menu a listing for "Chisbuger. and the modest masseur. Sr. with a stand.

the meditation and silence were over in the living room and people began talking and laughing. of course. When we were alone again. So do we. couldn't be removed. and that everybody seemed genuinely pleased. grinning. when Giorgio called us downstairs to sit in the royal seats again.106 TIHKAL — The Continuation that if you touched one. resolving to never. Then Giorgio said more wonderful things. he said. We worked until almost 5:00 p. once we had left the scene. Whether the clinic will ever materialize. She said her husband had them all over his body. In about an hour. We retired to our writing upstairs. We are not cynical and we believe. seem to really want it to happen. Shura choking up a bit. and so on. never open the seal. No one seemed to have had a bad experience. could be. yes? Strong desire not to betray their faith in the sacred works of the Pope. it was enough that there seemed to have been no negative effects. They were going to follow our example. and we replied. After lunch. particularly. while Dr. no?" "Uh-huh. We had both felt that our writing had been a Godsend to us (and to our hosts) because it had given us a valid reason to absent ourselves when we were tired of interacting with everybody (and it had given our hosts more time to themselves). "Why am I not surprised that everyone had a great time with the new stuff?" I laughed and remarked that I couldn't imagine why.m. and help people instead of making money. Hector and Giorgio. Carlos (Lena told us) had refused to take Borch's stuff for some time. a mother-wart would form and send out roots. which they had not been able to recapture since the first few times taking the Borch MDMA. feeling just the tiniest bit removed from all the heartfelt emotions. but a bloody nuisance. Hector gave The Speech about how Shura (and Alice) led in important work for humanity. inspiring all of them to do the same. I did not choke up at all. Shura said. Apparently they weren't toxic or dangerous. We were called down for photos by everybody's cameras and brief reports — all good. Results were reported to be generally excellent.. We also hope. wondering how long all these idealistic plans and intentions would last. hooray. could be. "But I suspect that you suspect that something called mind-set could be involved. and once established. I packed." For now. we agreed. A couple of the women had experienced a return of the early effect. We stared silently at the innocent-looking collection. and another wart would grow. and another and another. and a little spine got into your skin. . Hooray. but said he wanted to take Shura's. Positive expectations. there's no way to tell. but Dr.

his paws clutching a long pillow covered in faded blue cotton. Thank you very much for your kindness. for one week. who realized that he could now tell the difference between Portuguese and Spanish. embroidered in white. I suspect the tiger is the Brazil Caper. What was he eating? Ah hah — the leftover cat food (our cats at home were fed a lot of dry cat food while we were away). and we would be on our way home. "I have much information on the use of the ayahuasca among the Indians in the forest. startling Shura. even if it's a pet? Occurred to me that I hadn't fed him for days. who spoke no English. that he was extending to us an invitation to come down and stay with him in Manaos. sometime next year. ." They bowed to each other.m. A fast-moving storm came on-shore. We are very grateful for the opportunity. came over to us with Giorgio by his side to interpret. on the Amazon River. Dr. "Okay. asleep on the living room floor." Shura stood up and shook the lawyer's hand. and we look forward to hearing from you next year. and of each other. After lunch. He said. we loaded our packed bags into Giorgio's car and went to a big hotel on the beach. A musical group played some Spanish songs. Senhor. scattering Sunday strollers right and left on the tiled pavement and beach below. He was a stocky man with black hair turning grey at the sides. with ruffles. big yellow tiger without stripes. his coat ragged and full of little pieces of white carpet fluff. Leo. for a lunch given in our honor by Sr. My notes for that day include this: "I had a dream last night of a big. Paro returned to his seat. At 12:30 p. Hector informed us that Leo would drive us to the airport. The musicians wore the kind of shirts I had expected to see all over Rio. Paro. with all the doubts and suspicions which we had attached to it. It turned out that all the music men were from Paraguay. he needs brushing. I thought. and I will take you to a ceremony so that you can see for yourself. and a round face that showed both toughness and humor. A lawyer named Sr. but how does one safely groom a tiger. Giorgio at his side. and hadn't: colorful ones. Happy sleeping tiger. He told Shura. Brazilian drug laws. These ones were bright red. through Giorgio. (about the. which he couldn't have done the week before. "We would be honored to have such an experience.The Brazil Caper 107 SUNDAY: We had coffee with our hosts and then the four of us took a walk up and down the street to take photos of the pretty houses and the magnificent flowers and trees. and Sr.

we took off for the airport with Leo. and was given a tip of some kind. For a while. There were several people around the airport (Leo had told us) who specialized in doing just this sort of thing for people who could pay for the service. "But. but he wasn't fazed. he managed (after showing us to the VIP Lounge) to get us places only one seat apart. we took our reserved room at the airport hotel again and ." finished Shura. When we arrived. (I should add here that the Amazon trip hasn't yet taken place and perhaps never will. and the MDMA clinic." "Somehow. an ethnobotanist. even though our tickets were for Business Class. Portly Person took our passports and the money for boarding passes and went ahead to take care of things. our new First Class seats were a half-plane apart. Giorgio and company really seem to want it. in the Third World. and the plane was oversold by 40 people — full load — yet somehow. which Shura said he'd always wanted to see. when the person who sat between us agreed to move. we were told.108 TIHKAL — The Continuation for instance. this resolved itself immediately. which might or might not ever come to be). it's just that — well —" "Things have a way of not quite getting done. Leo asked him to attend to us. We found ourselves being pulled over into the First Class line. (On the plane. so we were finally seated side by side.) As we began to settle down. I doubt it." I replied. I reminded him that it was the favorite haunt of the piranha. This one was pretty damned good. and the whole thing will actually happen. which is now a happy. The man. "Wait until I remark casually to Patrick (a good friend. "Something like that. managed to smooth the way of Leo every month or so." I laughed. who was fascinated by the shamanic use of visionary plants) that we've been invited to explore the Amazon area by a lawyer who lives there and knows all about ayahuasca and is going to take us to a ceremony!" "We'd better leave out the fact that the lawyer can't speak word One of English. you know." I shrugged a Brazilian shrug. which were never fully explained. except that he is a bit dusty and needs brushing — but not now — and can be left in peace for the moment. he greeted a portly person with half his face showing signs of stroke. Shura sighed. maybe we'll be surprised. when he flew to various places around the world.) We kept saying things to each other like. In Miami. and told us to follow the man's lead. "I can't believe this whole trip!!" and from Shura. "I wonder if that clinic will ever see the light of day. sleeping tiger who presents no problems. We talked about the prospect of — next year — seeing the Orinoco River." After a last go-round of hugs.

of America.S. My notes read: "From South America. and continued trying to understand and improve themselves. and the men who run for high office do so on the one major promise of stopping corruption. fearing economic collapse. too paranoid and dictatorial. looks too powerful. none that has resulted in scientific papers written and published. I suppose. Countries get nicer as they lose influence. too. "In Rio. but I noted with some amusement that the first thing I did. and anyone with any intelligence knows it. They are intensely interested in matters of the spirit. For instance. What one country does eventually affects every other. The TV in the room remained dark. from any other nation in a position of power. No therapy has been done in Brazil with MDMA. too Big Brother. "I have now — as does Shura — a different view of what it means to be Third World. abstract economic concept again. this trip confirmed and made very real to me the idea that the nations of this planet are tied together with bonds of tremendous number and complexity and no one of them can stand outside the mesh. was apparently still around.The Brazil Caper 109 slept like babes for a few hours. a few discovered new drugs." It was so good to be home. for me.S. too willing to push other countries to do what it wants. "The Brazilians are aware of having parasites in their government who milk the economy and the people. lest somebody run by and snatch. kind people who welcomed us in Rio and opened their hearts to us. I hadn't seen American television for 12 days. when they have to sit back and watch and adapt and stay out of the way of whichever nations happen to be filling the roles of Big Boys at the time. it's no different. was to tie the top bags to each other and to the baggage cart. such as 2C-B. But. There is no such thing as a good. End of philosophical observations for the moment. The good. AFTERTHOUGHTS: The clinic. However. everything else could wait until we got home. before the continuation of the flight to San Francisco. as tends to happen in the U. those gentle . above all. has not been built. And to have a home to return to. we were warned to be careful about guarding our pockets and purses on the street. for good or for evil. the U. after we'd collected our suitcases in the San Francisco Airport. at least.S. but the U. others joined new groups of spiritual seekers. we are riddled with corruption. the word 'inflation' will never be a dry. kind or altruistic country with a lot of power. to this day. Some of them left Brazil.S. But here in the good old U. it's as true for nations as it is for individuals. went on to other interesting pursuits.

of course. respect for living things and for the great mother-planet on whose skin we walk and build our homes. And what are those values? They are. Corazon. as well as many other areas. could find better ways of making changes in our world. and we hope she and . and how we can manifest those values we like to think of as belonging to the psychedelic experience. We do know that the United States does its best to force its destructive War on Drugs on all the countries of South America. so at least this visionary plant mixture has been acknowledged as having a valid use for spiritual experience and growth. She taught us much of value. helping to feed the homeless and hungry? How many of us. I have not. for the most part. damaged parents? Have I done such kind and loving things for strangers? No. having had the experience. and our impression is that none of our Brazilian friends do. but haven't heard from her for a long time now.110 TIHKAL — The Continuation people. had a baby boy and moved from one job to another. the rich people we had met prospered. Not just with our friends and families. since we were there: the use of the consciousness-altering brew called ayahuasca has been officially approved for use by two native religions. and as long as our country gives out money. of seeing all human beings as incarnations of God. We were in touch with her for a while. uneducated and unguided by their confused. I've been too busy with other matters. but with our communities. if we are to argue effectively for the value of these drugs and plants as spiritual openers. forgiveness and the search for truth. under the influence of the visionary drugs. damaged people who have grown up unloved. Like most psychedelic seekers. With the worsening of the Brazilian economy. during those ten days. to provide spiritual and emotional support to confused. we must seriously consider how we should act. have gone down to the local hospital to give affection and a listening ear to lonely patients who need somebody to talk to? How many of us regularly visit a jail. for the most part. the same ones expressed by the great religions and spiritual teachings of the world. with the rest of our tribe. either. tolerance. the Third World will go along with some of the First World's agenda in this. as keys to the doors of the soul. How many psychedelic users — in any country — actually give time to the local church soup kitchen. But the truth is. There are many excuses. many good rationalizations. along with the rest of us who do our seeking with psychedelics. The dear cook and housekeeper. We still do not know anything substantial about Brazilian drug law. starting with our immediate neighborhoods. many reasons. They are the values of compassion. I only wish that they. There has been a reassuring step taken in Brazil. what we might do.

the skewers of meat parading past us at Porxo. and — above all — the radiant face of Corazon. her slim hand firm and warm in mine. that strange and unexpected day. Everything is all right. the silent glory of the Southern Cross over the beach. When I remember those ten days. her great dark eyes glowing with love and humor as she sat on the couch and looked at both of us. among the images that present themselves are the faces of the chorus girls at Scala. in the confusion that is Brazil." . "It's all right. when she said. the wine-colored hearts hanging from the banana trees.The Brazil Caper 111 her child will be all right.

Well! I wanted a really intense psychedelic experience to write about. of the type known as psilocybe cubensis. it began to look most of all like chickenwire. like a nucleus. we've plateau'd.m. all crushed and eaten raw. I at plus three and Shura at around plus two (he speculates that an experiment two days ago probably softened his response). The most prevalent design was that of a sort of squarish amoeba with a central black dot.. at around 6:00 p. Thank God we didn't take more. I'm sitting at the computer.5 Grams for each of us. (Alice's voice) From my notes: "1. First effects felt at 10 minutes after eating the little devils. They seemed to fill all the space between me and my surroundings. mixed with a few bits of another type.m. One and a half grams is quite enough to deal with. Taste was pleasant. determined to get a head start on my notes. Patterns over everything. repeated endlessly and in three dimensions. Actually. and here it is. In three dimensions.112 TIHKAL — The Continuation CHAPTER 5 'SHROOMS . the world erupted into patterns." . but it's getting increasingly difficult. Shortly after that. quarter to 8:00 p. with a small black dot in the middle of each square. At this point.

what I was seeing. and those two aspects of me. black and green and orange. and typed in the date at the top of the blank page in the upper right-hand corner. why don't you close your eyes. Everything was moving. "This personality I'm feeling is my own projection.'Shrooms 113 I sat there. and both the ribbons and squares were variously colored greyish white." I straightened my back and closed my eyes. was losing ground to another part which wanted only to immerse itself in the three-dimensional pattern world." I squinted at the computer keyboard. it's me. and try to tell me what you see inside your eyelids. I simply could not connect easily with my own usually excellent ability to verbalize. I said it felt like a distinct interruption between the sides of the brain. Left brain? Right brain? Whatever. anything other than the images I was seeing . Most interesting and disturbing of all. and it wasn't particularly friendly. It's all me. or at least to find out how to relate to it. It felt unloving. and on the top edge of each ribbon were evenly spaced little squares. for the moment. The keyboard had become impossible to see through the clusters of colored patterns imposed on it. like a very bad-taste 1930's linoleum floor pattern. was the fact that I was having a lot of trouble finding words to describe what I was seeing. the sheets and blanket and pillows were full of moving chickenwire amoebas and black dots. No can do right now. He suggested. So I thought: later. What I saw against a black background were short. and managed to get out of Xtree (Hooray!) and back into WordStar. and the entire scene struck me as ugly and boring. Like it or not. I opened a new file called 'shrooms. red and yellow. The strangest part of it was — as I then discovered — that I had no difficulty using words for anything else. cross-legged. did my best to focus. The world surrounding me had become strange. Necessary to own it. I'll write later. things would have to calm down quite a bit before my thoughts might tend to drift in that direction. interwoven with streamers of dusky colors. I explained to Shura. but couldn't go any further. I opened my mouth to give the picture to Shura. and could not talk. and conceptualizes. three to a ribbon. emotionally cool. I sat on top of the blanket. and talked to him about what was happening. I realized — and told him — that. green and yellow. almost alien. I had no interest whatsoever in making love. I went to the bedroom with my man. and the part of me that gives words to things. "Well. and it had a sense of humor which was not particularly kind. trying to see the room through the forest of lines and dots and bands of musty reds and greens. Shura took off his light robe and got under the sheets. I reminded myself. dark red. and I had the sense of a personality present. The walls were moving. curved pieces of what looked like ribbon candy floating.

Why do I dislike it? Because it lacks most of the familiar emotions and feelings I'm used to. It was instantly possible to do so. The words will come back. I heard it without any particular increase of understanding or emotional relationship. his voice warm and reassuring. there's a total disconnect as soon as I try!" "Well. It's kind of an ego-less feeling. It's a place of strangeness for me. It was beside the point. "Stop trying and just let yourself experience for now." he said. moving continuously between me and the ceiling. In this state. uninspiring and painfully ordinary. of being centered. The other part of me is really determined to get control. At least. and it's pretty damned mad at not being able to do what it wants with words. I said. this place. own whatever aspect of myself it represents. Which means I have to explore it. I found that my sense of Self. There's a part of me that's sort of wanting to float in the world of the images. I wonder if it's just my Observer? There was music on the radio. as usually happens with other psychedelics. I looked at my beloved's face and saw it colored in mottled oranges. I asked myself (speaking out loud all the time to Shura) whether. 1 wonder if the two sides of my brain really are separated in some way! It occurred to me to try an experiment in control. was. I couldn't see what could be learned from it. back to baseline. So far. I know. but it had nothing to do with everything else that was going on. especially. "Are we talking ineffable. . I could — in the words he would use — screw myself down. in order to cope. The patterns were still there. was gradually increasing." "I know. misunderstood. I searched the air above me. but not be able to describe anything I see!" I uncurled myself and lay down on my pillow.114 TIHKAL — The Continuation inside my head. because there's this weird disconnect. Beneath all that was a state of being/knowing/seeing which was not to my liking. Alien. it's just so bloody ANNOYING. After a while. That part doesn't care about getting control of this situation. it was music and nice enough. and interestingly enough. I can't describe it!" Shura. quite understandably. to be able to talk about anything else. not if I took it one moment at a time. very gently. Except that 1 don't have much choice. "This is really weird. it would just as soon wander around and — as Shura says — simply experience. but I simply cannot apply words to it. And I don't know which part to go with. here? Is that what you mean?" "No! Anything BUT ineffable! It's boring. He asked. The patterns were only the surface. learn it. beside Shura. No problema. And with it came an increase in fascination with whatever this interior world. in case of a real-life emergency.

because its function is to observe and learn. listening now to one of my favorite pieces of music." It wasn't unkind. there was an attitude of "That's the way it is. It isn't hostile to such feelings. Oh. but it isn't involved with them. are you comfortable with it?" I nodded. We lay side by side. of course. All I could sense was a mind whose view of the world with its contradictions and chaos was matter-of-fact. I had recognized the projection of what I called my Observer. That's just a version of my own Observer again. skin of my skin and blood of my blood. The part of ourselves which we (most of us) prefer. our own is a mirror of it. Whatever the universal consciousness is. my essential person. loving. holding hands. 115 My face probably looks all mottled to him. and was very slowly beginning to feel less pushed at by the chickenwire squares and the restless streams of color." but it's part of my own psyche. Shura and I. but it doesn't do much to answer the question which continues to nag: what is this aspect of my mind? Is it also an aspect of the universal mind? Yes. trying to feel out the nature of whatever form of consciousness was present. but beyond that. Rachmaninoff's Symphonic Dances. yes." But. lack of emotional warmth or response. Suddenly. And familiar. I turned back to search the patterns filling the air above the bed. you gain nothing by resisting or complaining. down-to-earth. too. just calm and cool. The ceiling was still busy with slightly pulsing amoeba squares and their black nuclei. I remembered something that had disturbed me the day . including the one which emerged in this experience. I'm projecting it onto something "out there. wondering what in heaven I was supposed to do with any of it. And of course this describes my Observer. gazing up at the frustrating tangle of lines and dots between me and the ceiling. and I'd seen that kind of skin coloring before. So I'm back in the old loop again. accept it. I realized that I was no longer looking for anchors like familiar music. I lay on my back. but it's fine. just instant acknowledgement of who he was and what we were to each other. There was no rush of emotion about him.'Shrooms yellows and browns. and increasingly stronger in my core. "It really doesn't matter. because I had begun to be more aware of the essential anchor within myself. acceptance. even as I said it. feel comfortable with — the affectionate. of what use was it? Owning it all as part of myself makes my sense of control better. "It's Beethoven. Not beautiful. Shura remarked. He was still my other Me. during previous mushroom experiments. like it or not. but I wasn't trying to learn anything from them any more. I looked over at Shura. caring part — is balanced by other parts. which is characterized by cool knowing. but certainly earthy. I know that one.

Actually. and had been written down. "You were in it. if he didn't mind. I think you'd call it a Samadhi dream. though." It occurred to me. This time. and I finally told Shura there was too much distraction going on. Maybe later. we were all — we were each other. "Good grief. Just keep me abreast of what's happening. It was like reading a stranger's account.116 TIHKAL — The Continuation before. It was really strange. reassuring me. It's okay. and I have to follow my instincts and not put on any kind of act. he knows I love him. a betrayal. and as I read it over. I couldn't recall having had the dream at all. "What was it about?" I summarized. not being able to remember even a trace of it. What was even more interesting was that my self-absorption didn't particularly trouble me. the keyboard was clearly visible and when I began describing the formerly undescribable. "Sure. we were an energy field. "You go with your instincts. honey. but — believe it or not — I've had no visual effects whatsoever. it came to me that. "I should have expected it. finally." Shura prompted me. It bothered me. I don't think it would be right for me to pretend feelings that aren't genuine. You seem to be having enough visuals for both of us!" After cuddling beside him for some time. that would be insulting to him. I'd written it down very carefully a long time ago. when I sat down at my computer. "I don't think I can focus enough. Give it a go. I mean. and my children. after the experiment earlier this week." I raised my head and peered at him through mottled veils of color — mostly brown and dark red. then admitted. and we were all interchangeable. a bliss state. "I'm thinking about a dream I rediscovered on the computer. A good dream. All of us were in this place. I'm going to stay here awhile and listen to the music. at that point — and said. no visuals at ALL?" He chuckled and shook his head. and told Shura. he knows I'm usually tuned into him. He said. I said. it was obvious that the separation within my mind which had so annoyed me . And just now. babe." We made some moves toward lovemaking. "I'm enjoying the music and I'm in a good place. This is just the way it's going for me. and wondered why I wasn't more empathetic with Shura. but my efforts were half-hearted. this time. I realized how selfish I was being. to ask him what he was experiencing." He pulled my head over to his shoulder. He hesitated. there was no further need for me to remember the actual dreaming of it. how focused on my own experience. Charlie Brown. I told him I wanted to try writing again. and there was a tremendous energy field. since the dream had been totally understood at the time." Walking down the hall towards the dining room.

m. this time. The music was a lovely Schumann thing we'd both known from childhood. and see what comes up. I was aware of the fact that a large part of my mental and emotional focus was somewhere other than below my waist. On the other hand. calm pleasantness. I was in charge again. the patterns which had filled the air everywhere I looked. I was at a pot-luck dinner in a friend's house. Completely unlike my usual post-2C-B dreams. but it was also challenging. either of us. No need for a nap. at perhaps the same level. Most unusual. the visuals had disappeared. There was no distraction for me. but we couldn't manage orgasm.'Shrooms earlier — the inability to apply words to what was being directly experienced — had changed. during the entire next day I had energy and a quiet. with dreams that were clear and clean in color. and I want to explore a different mushroom next time. and in a strange way. and we hummed together through familiar passages. I love watching him. looked forward to cooking. I was watching Shura through the big kitchen window as he gestured dramatically. amusing and friendly. But still. . At around 1:30 a." Some time later. Much to learn. In fact. with his enthusiasm. which tend to be shallow. I could use words to do anything I wanted.. Wanted to write. as after 2C-B. This was difficult and frustrating. he is an 18 year-old soul radiating life in a 69 year-old body. rewarding. 117 From my notes the next day: "Sleep was pleasant. smoking and sipping a fruit drink. annoying and very repetitive. they were almost entirely gone. engaged in intense conversation with a young blond man. his pleasure in ideas. enjoyed whatever I was doing. So there was nothing in the way of interior images for me to deal with anymore. After sleeping for a long time. had faded. we went back to the bedroom. Bewildering experience. only half an hour ago. with about forty members of what we call the Network — people interested in exploration of the human mind — and I was on the back deck. Love-making flowed easily.

I could use words again and describe everything. like the dark center of an amoeba. She'd been through marriage. she had the presence of a shaman and the warmth of an empathetic mother." "Flat or dimensional?" "All the space around me was filled with them. at the height of the effects. often with a man quite a bit younger than she. Sarah had been involved in the psychedelic movement from the beginning. and her fascination with the way the mind works. the visuals. I mean. she was usually involved in an affair.118 TIHKAL — The Continuation A friend of mine came onto the deck and headed toward where I was sitting at a big glass-topped patio table. they were more like amoebas. and I always learned something from her. and even now. in her sixties. Later on. and I thought that maybe there was some kind of — it felt to me as if there was a separation of parts of my brain. no problem. not traceries. they were kind of like chickenwire fencing." "Right. but I couldn't say a word about whatever I was seeing. motherhood. divorce. it was just when I tried to apply words to whatever I was looking at. animated face. even the eyes-closed pictures — which were totally boring — I became wordless. It was Sarah Vincent. the air was thick with them. But why that split. but — but the important thing was the inability to verbalize." "And everything was very dark — dark colors. After we'd talked for a while about her book and the work that had gone into it. loss and triumph. With her sharply intelligent eyes and lovely. another young soul in a middle-aged body. whose book on telepathy experiments had just been published. right. "I could describe anything else. stimulated by what she had seen and experienced of the effects of psychedelic drugs. "Sort of traceries — no. the patterns. what were they like?" asked Sarah. as the images were beginning to fade. Sarah was a completely extraordinary person. That's about as close as I can get. and in the center of each space was a black dot. I could talk about anything else. earlier?" "The patterns. you know?" . She gave my shoulders a hug as she passed behind me. I could tell Shura anything else. with a full head of grey curls. to describe what I was seeing. but the spaces weren't square. It was not the most pleasant experience I've ever had. everywhere I looked. in three dimensions. had led her to become involved in the study of brain waves and telepathy. with this stuff. you know. it occurred to me to ask Sarah if she could possibly help me understand the aspect of my mushroom experiment that had interested — and annoyed — me most: my inability.

The stronger the visual. There are people who use the verbal system most dominantly in their thinking processes. and took a drink from her glass. and if they're really. there is that. and I have to stop and shift thinking gears. that must be a joke. surprise — does she really mean that? I asked." "Yeah. and sometimes the words would be right and the picture unrelated. a person might draw one picture and give a different verbal report. So the punsters laugh about it. I'll miss those puns. and the words unrelated. But I can't think of her name for anything!" "Yes — " "And part of that's because I am used to using the visual system as my dominant cognitive process." she closed her eyes as if to see better. "And it's one of the things I want to go over with you." " — and all of a sudden. at first — a non sequitur — because my dominant cognitive process is not verbal." She must mean when they're doing remote-viewing experiments.' and it's just such a blank wall for me. sometimes the picture would be right. the less likely I will be able to name it." "And the kind of visions that I'm describing — "I began. really dominant.'Shrooms 119 "Yes." said Sarah. because while they're talking." she agreed. and they'll often do word puns and you know. "So often. because I'm so slow at getting jokes. "It's like you're projecting from the inside out. when I want to say somebody's name." . here comes this word pun. "And while one was attempting to receive. I will remember how she smells and how she's dressed. You're projecting onto the surface something that's going on in your visual processes. and it's not necessarily connected to the verbal. "Even in our telepathic work. they're not connected to the verbal. 'Oh." said Sarah. I will see that person. but visual. but it's because I'm not using that part of my brain in the same way." "That's weird!" "It is weird. focus of attention is important in this. but you can't use the part of your mind — your brain — that finds words? And how come I could talk about anything else?" "Well. yes. The verbal system can be quite independent of the visual system. "There is?" Surprise. I'm visualizing — " "Yes. so you wouldn't be able to talk about them at the same time. "Do you have any idea what happens — when everything you're looking at is perfectly simple. laughing. I will hear her talk. you know. yeah — " "And there comes a separation —.

and you find Marine Street." — that mixup in the area of intention. you'll probably make the turn before you realize it was wrong. you don't need to have words for things at all. because you looked at the first letters and then you filled in what you expected to find — " "Uh-huh!" "So there's that — " Sarah was picking her words carefully. I thought. you simply haven't made a verbal connection — " "To what's going on visually. everything has to go through the thalamus — except smell — to get to the cortex. and the thalamus is the area of intention.120 TIHKAL — The Continuation "But why could I — uh — why was I able to talk about anything else?" "Because that's not the same process. Sarah went on. There's a whole section ." she gestured in the air with an imaginary paintbrush. right here." "Intention. as well as a switchboard." Sarah continued. I could talk to Shura because it wasn't about things I was seeing. and wondered if she was sensing my confusion. "You know. "If you're looking for Marianne Street." she said. you know. half way between your ears. if you're not a visual thinker — " "Yeah — " " — you know. one of the difficulties in learning visual thinking. and was rewarded by Sarah's burst of laughter. "If you're thinking in color. making little ch-ch-ch sounds to accompany the stabs of the brush. "— and hear colors and that sort of thing." she demonstrated with a finger to her head." I said." I repeated." — and the other person says. as I nodded enthusiastically. "If your color-intelligence and your shape-intelligence are functioning." she illustrated with interweaving fingers. in the center — half way between your eyes and the back of your head. or it has to be a — a SOMEthing. it was about ideas and feelings. She obviously knew Clyfford Still's work." "Ah. right?" "You have to train them on Clyfford Still's paintings. somebody's painting something. " — because it has to be a leaf. smiling because synaesthesia is one of my favorite experiences in the world. the switchboard —. nothing being visually experienced." — and sometimes there'll be synaesthesia. like." I finished. "Meaning focus?" "Well. 'What's that?' because they have to put words to it — " "Yes." I said. where you smell sounds —. here it is. you can — you see. and they go —.

" Interference waveform — wonder what that looks like? "At around 6 to 10 frames per second — " continued Sarah. and those are the patterns they make. they're like the snakeskin patterns." "Well. But at 13 frames per second. do you have that book around? They called it The Psychedelic Experience. You see. red to green." I thought for a moment. Sarah. I used an old 16 millimeter projector as a mild strobe light in which the flicker rate could be changed to different frequencies to match the natural brainwaves. I don't know exactly where in the house it is. or red-orange to blue in opposite directions.'Shrooms 121 of the Tibetan Book of the Dead that Tim Leary and others translated. and you may not even appreciate it. "— which matches the frequencies of the theta and alpha brainwave range — the majority of the students drew pictures of mandala patterns with polka-dots. and part of what you're seeing is the projection of your rods and cones." "I didn't. these floating chickenwire sorts of things are familiar. that you can get with most real psychedelics. for Pete's sake! She sat back and smiled at me. now completely caught up in her subject. yes. and there are sort of these little transparent thingies — " "Uh-huh. then you're looking at what you are looking with. I've seen them before. "By the way. They described the patterns as constantly moving." "So these amoeba kind of shapes — you've seen them?" "I've seen something like it. eyes shining with pleasure and excitement. which was fast enough for us to see the separate images as one image continuously moving. "We all know that one. the way Leary and Alpert and Metzner translated that. or like it. when you are sending a signal to the eye at the rate it 'sees' it. "— and it's usually — ah — it's not a very advanced level. There are energy patterns around everything. you know." Rods and cones. It wasn't that they were brand new or anything. "About four years ago. my students drew pictures of interference waveform patterns. when I was teaching students who were eager to experience mind games. then added." "— and part of what you're seeing is from your pre-conscious. The old movies ran at 18 frames per second. When you see all these patterns and shapes and you're totally involved in these patterns and shapes. part is what you pick up from your environment. then that's one of the places you can go — " I nodded." said Sarah. necessarily." "Yes. I've collected about a hundred of these . it's one of the Bardos. but we do have it." "The Tibetan Book of the Dead? Yes.

" What? Thought forms? But Sarah was continuing." "And it's a very creative state of vision." "Yes. then put it down and smiled at me. "The focus in the visual system becomes so intense that the pathways become dominant and the verbal system can seem to be unconnected to what you are seeing. and you can get stuck in it for a while. slowing down slightly. now. "Is it creative because it's down well beneath the intellect. your pre-conscious is influencing what you're seeing. It's a very. "If you really . "One of the reasons I like to study telepathic imagery is because we are really scratching the surface of that creative space. and that brings deeper thoughts into conscious focus." said Sarah. Flickering lights are not the only way to stimulate this process. it's like looking at the projector filament. mind chemistry can also trigger strange activity of the visuals." "You used the word. with the business of — " I stumbled. Now." "Okay. 'creative. and part of it is what you're looking with. the rods and cones are projected into the flickering light. letting her know I needed more explanation — just a bit more. that's one of the Bardo's. very primary state of vision. yes!" "So it's — part of what you're seeing may be related to the energy of the person you're looking at. as well as the influences of the environment that's around you." I said softly. so things can flow more freely?" "Yes." I prompted. yes. so you know I've studied the results.122 TIHKAL — The Continuation drawings. and it's more open to the unconscious. what you will see on the wall is the filament of the projector lamp itself! When you shine a light in somebody's eyes at the same rate as the brainwave of the visual cortex. "In other words. that's one way of saying it." "Yeah. as you know." "Well.' though. and then you close down the opening for the light. Sometimes thought forms are projected into the middle of this as well. I've collected over hundreds of telepathy trials between couples who just wanted to try to improve their communication with each other. The intelligence of the visual system is often more direct in exposing pre-conscious issues than the verbal system is. They often find that the inner thoughts which they haven't confided to each other yet — or perhaps haven't admitted to themselves — are brought right up to the surface." Sarah drank from her glass. with just a tiny hesitation." "Ah. "If you take a projector and project its own plain light on a wall. some of the other kinds of patterns that sort of dominate and seem to be meaningless. right.

" I agreed. "I needed to find a different way of thinking about something I had assumed was a problem. I was remembering my own experience as a therapist.'Shrooms 123 wanted to. and you've given it to me. you're not synchronizing anymore." "That comes later. honey. and how much I had learned from watching patients as they lay on the couch. I'll take a person into a deep space. and to integrate the mental functions. I've learned not to try to control experiences like ." "But you can recall it later on. I see what you mean. "Okay. watch the face very carefully. then that's all you're doing and." she laughed. "And if you're totally focused on synchronizing your brain waves with somebody. "You know. Thanks to Sarah. or do you just have to learn to wait until later. Trying to force verbalization blocks me from really experiencing." she chuckled." "Not much. Sarah was saying." "You're welcome. "That's the way I see it. The non-verbal realms are their own reward. In hypnosis. and there's nothing to be gained by all that effort. but I interrupted. yes. could you learn to translate what you're seeing and experiencing into the verbal. you've shifted the whole EEG. dropping into the trance state as they'd been taught to do." "So there really is no point to it. oh yes. you're not writing poetry. I'll ask them to verbalize. and you're no longer doing what you started out to do." I said." Sarah reached across the table and patted my hand. I know if they've run into an emotional thing — " I nodded firmly." "Yes. and we went on to talk about other things. in order to stabilize the memory for later. because they have to be experiencing!" I said. " — and at a certain point. "Is there any point in trying to learn to bring them — " "To do it simultaneously? I don't think so. so it's more a matter of — it's a control issue. if you do something else. there has to be a whole period of time when they're not verbalizing. good as new. so I know when they're visualizing. just as you've done for me." "Okay. considering the fact that — eventually — the verbal ability returns." "Yeah. for example. like. could you — by doing 'shrooms often enough." "Thanks. But during the experience. if you're totally focused on making love. easily. If you talk about it. when the words can be found easily?" "Ah —" began Sarah.

After all. everything transforms. if you give it enough time. which are usually described as being states through which a soul journeys after the body's death. When I next see Sarah. I'll ask. . I've always believed that what one is supposed to do in the Bardo's (whether one is a newly released soul or a psychedelic traveler) is confront and acknowledge these reflections of one's unconscious self.124 TIHKAL — The Continuation these. to demons and monsters which mirror the soul's unresolved dark side. but to go with what's being presented. I'm still not sure how to avoid being stuck in any of what the Buddhists call the Bardo's. The images in the Bardo's range from cartoon-like. with patience and resignation. probably. silly figures without apparent meaning or depth. But what in heaven's name could I possibly have done with floating bits of musty ribbon candy? Just wait it all out. then move on.

I can identify with these comments. I have been told that if I were to ask myself immediately on awakening. I am able to write it up from that still vivid memory. There is one personal dream property of which I am pretty confident. however.O-DMT. Oh yes. It was structured like a movie script. But the actual light itself is in shades of gray. Walk on the green light. But I found it totally entertaining. . and I walk. incidently. This. might also be seen as a nightmare and even cataclysmic. or pants-off. some fifteen years later. I said to myself. completely unexpectedly. will never be forgotten. And it was. Not that it was uninteresting. with scenes all set and dialogue in place. I do not dream in color. with buildings toppling and people in agony. "What were you dreaming?" I would be able to recall a lot of it. BARE-ASS as a play on the vehicle's name: PanSoph-2. Now. and I know that this is now the green light.PanSoph-2 125 CHAPTER 6. PANSOPH-2 (Shura's voice) I have never been particularly satisfied with my dream life. in black and white. so to speak. since I can never remember to ask myself that question when I wake up. it is just that I don't remember much of it. In the next day's reports. An exception to the amnesia pattern occurred on the night following a group experiment with a. two of the participants mentioned having nightmares about cataclysmic events. And. I note. such as a field of flowers actually being yellow spots on a grey landscape. This is nothing more than exchanging one problem for another. I watch the light change. too. and I am awake immediately. Once in a long while something will colorize the scene. when I awoke I remembered the entire story with total clarity. it is intellectually supplied. since that very night I too had a most remarkable dream. Here is the story which. Even to the terrible pun built into the title. When there is color called for by the plot. It is as if I weren't allowed that particular modality.

the stars were surely still there somewhere. He covered the screen with the heliospectroscopic filter and quickly located the wanted pin-point dot. peppered with countless stars. scattered as if by some random process. to have three names when you were. that stayed lighted as all the others went dark. It was an unresolvable sadness that always touched him at this moment. after all. and all of them sharing the responsibilities of knowing where they were and where they were going. so that the link report could be made. a source that he could never hope to see in reality. and reflected that one of these millions of points of light was the source of his blood line and the magical start of his life process. He made the manual changes to bring the earth's sun exactly to the center. He was now one of the four navigators. and carefully recorded the micrometer values used so that the earthpeople could continue calculating the gravitational discontinuities that had introduced these errors. Others were individuals and kept to themselves. He brought the telescope view onto the screen. perhaps these were galaxies. and his grand- mother Jane Willard Robertson was no more than a myth and a photograph on his desk. for this world had been his entire life. That was earth's sun. A very strange and sterile world it was for Willard. but the viewing perspective was new and always changing. And why? In two years young Broderick would . just one person. that was his origin. Some looked like smudges. That launch had been 62 years ago. maternal linking and memory challenges. clock-training. and had gone through the ritual vasectomy. the recentering of the sun's dot provided the corresponding corrections of the positioning of the radio transceiver antenna. but he could not see it that way. This had been his duty day for search and report. None of the constellations that had been the sky-maps of generations of humans could be identified. He had completed the review of the recordings of possible responses from that morning's one hour beacon probe and it had been (as it had always been before and as it would probably be forever on) completely negative. Willard was the son of the daughter of one of the original crew of the ship PanSoph 2. very near to the cross-hairs as always. He had been born here on the ship a couple of earth-decades ago. How strange and unnecessary. each having one day on and three off. So he drifted to the after lounge and settled back into the comfortable viewing chair. With the fine focusing optics moved into place.126 TIHKAL — The Continuation BARE-ASS: A STORY ABOUT INFORMATION TUESDAY: A DAY OF CURIOSITY The sky was an incredible expanse of black.

all scientific discovery and invention. and saw the several lines of text. guaranteed to be intact. of course. so that the people back there would be able to further map the small gravitational deflections the ship was experiencing in its present location. It was the information in the basement that was. many of the tapes still existed. What Willard could not know was the tragic condition of life on earth. In this basement was a massive computer memory. nothing. at the calculated 14:22. but it would be more than three years for the signal to make the trip from PanSoph-2 to earth. was allowed to go into the basement computer. He dumped the screen. It was there in its entirety. of course. Once the locks were set on the radio antenna. as they were always framed in a structure which would use concepts that the crew could understand. the news of the rest of the human race there on earth. current only at the time of their launch. the purpose of the ship and the sole reason for its existence. as well as the complete art. was the Mother Bess who had told unbelievable stories of her childhood. many years ago. The last living link with life other than the ship he had always known as his home. and sent the small fine-focusing corrections that he had made to center the sun. a new approach proposed to the study of environmental changes. unfold across the bottom of the screen. And the basement memory was replete with an overwhelming quantity of history. switched to transmit. the history of the planet Earth. He acknowledged the initial challenge with the completely familiar password. And if Sara birthed a boy. That is why the daily link with the current ship #2 had been invoked as a fixed ritual. which could be copied and read at leisure. But it was. Although she was now dead. the changes and distortions that had occurred during the space ship's travels. It started precisely on time. These calculations would take only a few minutes once the information got back there. Any amount . of course. PanSoph itself. potentially the remaining record of the human animal if earth were to be lost. and the discovery of a new viral factor in a disease thought to be genetic.PanSoph-2 127 come of age and they would be back to a full complement of five again. He was aware that the first of these informa- tion ships. there would be a sixth as backup in another couple of decades. He would enter these bits of information into the transient encyclopedia. after all. music and writing of the human species. Another political challenge to the rulers of Serbia. he opened the receiving circuit for the earth message.37 on his watch and also. The news messages were less than candid. in the small box in the lower right-hand corner of his start screen. having been rerecorded many times. At least its fate was unknown. with the entire inventory of factual knowledge. had apparently been lost.

all tumbling after one another in seemingly random patterns. Then he manipulated it into modulo six. and used or enjoyed. Willard was content in that he had completed his chores here in communication. the next number was unknown to him. but he had left the coding on it that identified it as galactic knowledge. the revealing of each new digit totally unknown to him. but a moment that would change the order of things in unexpected ways. its working computer. then discarded. WEDNESDAY: A DAY OF INEXACTNESS. He made a quick run-down of all the control lights — gyro.128 TIHKAL — The Continuation of it could be decompiled and copied. All the others were in suspension for the day. this was sacred dogma. Just as the search for replies to the hour's beacon transmission was part of the day's routine (as was the focus and transmission to earth) so was the requirement that time be spent in some learning discipline to occupy the duty day. What it would be was totally unpredictable. It was a law that was not to be violated. It should have been discarded from top memory. His current passion was to express pi in some even-numbered modulus and explore some form of walk in a dimensional system of half that number. as it now contained new information. The basement memory bank was a record of earth as of the day of departure. A fundamental rule had been violated. Willard secured his day's number theory games by returning his slightly expanded value of pi to memory. but he realized that by simply invoking any of several power series expressions. basing everything on the actual value of pi. More than a rule. yet absolutely fixed in the infinite nature of things. Wherever he stopped. He had called up from the basement into the top computer (the encyclopedia. of inattention. It was Charles the next day who conducted the beacon probes and . It was a moment of carelessness. and brought up by being transferred to the ship's top computer. But it was one of the inflexible operational rules that nothing new should ever be sent down. and as such it was allowed back into basement memory. An eerie concept. So Willard relaxed and pursued his personal learning discipline. as they commonly called it) the value of pi that had been stored there as a quantum fact. known with complete accuracy to almost 10 to the 10th places. the next digit would be exposed. but so exquisitely not-at-all random. but absolutely preordained. and he knew that the pregnant Sara was busy in housekeeping. thrust pile. CO2 reducer. delay tapes to the beacon probes — everything was green and quiet. and it must remain unchanged. playing with pi in multidimensional matrices. A magnificent collection of naughts and ones and twos and threes and fours and fives. power to the basement memory and the sperm bank. or put into a personal folder there.

and make any needed heading changes using the ship's existing programs rather than waiting for years for suggestions from Earth. but when he glanced at his watch. Receiving time for the day was set at the usual increment of advance. At the end of the receiving. but he carefully recorded the unusually large micrometer and vernier entries that were needed. The time on the screen was at the lower right. it had full power. and was due for 14:23. He filled the screen with the field that carried the earth's sun and. of the earth's sun image. The thought passed fleetingly through Charles' mind. He was fast! He queried the ship's computer. His time was now corrected and there was. Apparently some other error had entered the picture. as always.PanSoph-2 129 went through the ritual (and again futile) search for replies. He locked the scope. agreement. of course. So he touched it to the transfer plate of the terminal and reset it. he would be able to analyze it in a less hurried manner. or from the ship's computer? Well. and the usual negative findings from the morning beacon probe. The receiver was on. for the first time in his life. Some of it had already been lost. rather. Perhaps they were entering the gravitational field of some massive invisible body. The earth message that was to be printed across the bottom of the screen had already started. and he had yet another surprise. he noted that the amount lost was perhaps several seconds. With a shock he realized that it had not been his watch but. and of course the computer had to be correct. Nonetheless he noted the event in the ship's log. it was absolutely consistent with what he saw on the screen. he dumped back to earth the macro with the vernier readings. the ship's computer. he locked them as well. He swung the field appropriately to bring the sun to the cross-hairs. And also not to mention the unusual shift of real position. He would work around a bit with it first. and if there was some new gravitational attraction that was influencing their trajectory. and as soon as the radio antennas had matched these bearings. that had been in error with that morning's time check. from calculated position. Switching to transmission mode. but it was much further off to the right than he had ever seen it before. After a moment's hesitation he decided not to mention the clock discrepancy. The spectroscope filter quickly determined which of the several candidates was the proper sun. should that time have been from his watch. there was a three second discrepancy. What was amiss? The fact that he had indeed found the sun (he had received Earth's transmission after all) suggested to him that the most . He checked the battery of his watch. they were now both the same. saw that none of the several stars in the center of the monitor were at all close to the cross hairs. From the after lounge he called up the telescope projection and it was when he made the routine time check that the first hint was seen of something being amiss.37.

projected the exact time from it onto the screen as well. It was his own that he had screwed up. One was in the ship's top computer memory and the other. What should he do? Try to reset the ship's clocks? That would be quite simple. He brought up the exact time on the monitor from the ship's computer. and with his watch against the transfer plate. as he somehow knew it would be. Identical to Johnathan's. and again they did not show the same time. The ship's clock was slowest. but in the program that translated its . found Johnathan's bunk. to a hundredth of a second. he projected its time onto the big monitor and. They were clearly printed one above the other. and could serve as a reference for resetting things. The reference value in this computer was what was most certainly wrong. and knew the risks that can be associated with them. The watch was nearly a second fast. but two alerts. a failure of his personal watch. and Johnathan's the fastest. but in his entire life on the ship with his radio and navigation work he had never seen a true alert. The first alert certainly made sense with the clock-watch discrepancy — there was a crystal failure in the primary chronometer. He logged deeper into the chronometer entry. and carefully unstrapped his watch. to see just where the problem was located. in making those corrections needed to agree with the ship's top computer. but whereas under usual circumstances each line would compare exactly with its control form. it became apparent that the problem was not in the primary cesium oscillator. his own in-between. That latter one could wait. as it clearly was not vital to the function of the ship. Thank goodness he had adjusted only his own watch to the faulted computer. Or the ship's computer was going slower yet. the remaining watches all agreed with each other. Again. and he might be able to fix it himself. in the basement memory storage. and brought them back and projected all of their times. moved his friend's arm out from under the covers.130 TIHKAL — The Continuation rewarding first step would be to search out the clock mess-up. the time was yet different from both his own watch and the ship's computer clock. How could an entry into the gravitational field of some distant massive thing so dramatically influence the computer's timing crystal? He went to the crew's suspension area. The lines of verification rolled down the screen. and how he should go about repairing it. but would simply hide the problem. but for the moment it just might be something related to a single failure. that would be a logical first step. Every one of them was absolutely identical. He thought about activating others in the crew and he knew he had to if this was a true emergency. He had read about such things in the manuals. Back at the main console. As more detailed screens came into view. He went back to the suspension area and quickly gathered ten more watches. not solve it. Johnathan saw that there was not one. Run a system check on it.

We have so far experienced four alerts in the top computer system. Five alerts. Try a sequential voltage check. "But the answers are wrong. maybe. and thence to minutes. What do they have in common?" "They all involve calculations." added Charles. Apparently the mechanics of the clock were intact. something in the Doppler analysis of the beacon responses. You've compared the results with the published text." suggested James. "Let me try to summarize where we are as of the moment. The hardware seemed to be perfect. then. They sat around the large table in the central bulge. there was no hint that any of the circuit boards or chips were faulted. Try a dynamic test. the clock is screwed up — that was the first problem spotted by Johnathan on his shift yesterday.PanSoph-2 131 primary signal to seconds." "The watches are all consistent. but not quite. or is the whole ship falling apart all of a sudden?" "Don't forget the alert from the basement system yesterday." "But they are inconsistent — calculate the same problem twice. except for Charles's. with the exception of the children and their nanny." This. outside the allowed limit. and something associated with the nuclear drive pile. Something was very much out of control. Charles entered a challenge equation. But they are . However. from Marie. Hugo was the senior navigator and the leader of the discussion. THURSDAY: A DAY OF CHAOS The entire crew was present. It was wrong. and Jerome who had the beacon and transmission duty for the day. and after a period of time that was almost. the calculation gives the right answer. Is this one thing wrong expressing itself in several ways. and get two different answers." "How do you know what the right answer is if the calculations are wrong? Maybe your 'right' answer is wrong. "But calculations are basic activities of calculators. "OK. He went immediately to the crew's quarters. If the calculator is intact. and set in motion the procedure that would bring them all to consciousness and sensibility within a few minutes. the calculation answer finally appeared in the answer box. And now faults appear to be present in some aspect of deadreckoning." "You haven't done that. The error was not one of equipment but of calculation. The comments flew in from all participants. All test points gave values comfortably within the allowed ranges. hours and days.

I can't find it!" Hugo snapped back: "How would you know the right spectrum. I saved it. and called up the current power series he was using for new values of pi. "Would a couple of you come and help me on the earth screen. Maybe something is out to lunch with the power series part of the computer?" "Well.132 TIHKAL — The Continuation different from the top computer's time. Nothing in the entire field has the right spectrum. and the trusted tools for isolating the source of the wrongness might themselves be faulted. as it became apparent that something was very wrong." The group broke up.. somehow. "That's it. "Every wrong calculation invokes a power series calculation for its success." "Where?" "Right here in my . "My reference value is missing!" "Did you erase it?" "Of course not." "How do you know just what the correct answer would be?" "I have the accurate value up from basement." he said with some satisfaction. but this time there was no change. "Might it have been. I'll make a subtraction check against the reference value." came the voice of Willard.. and the correct answer in my personal satchel in top memory. "Is it the right answer?" asked Hugo." "And the difference is getting absurd. "See. if it has to be calculated for checking. I missed the transmission schedule. and the screen was now filled with digits from zero to five. saved to basement?" Hugo immediately called up the system check screen. how can that idea be checked?" asked Hugo." Willard stopped." Jerome interrupted. to look for ." Another couple of strokes. accurate to a gillion places." "Then give it a try. the screen was filled with a myriad of zeros and ones. so let me convert this. Look over my shoulder and see if I'm missing something. "The last form I had was modulo six. I have the power series. "I can do it immediately from a pi calculation." A couple of strokes more. Willard opened his personal address on the nearest monitor. "I can't find the sun at all. At least no one commented on it. A cloud went across his face. No one noticed the soft hissing sound that filled the ship." The free-for-all was interrupted by the appearance of a very disturbed Jerome. In a moment. it's working fine. and our calculators are screwed up?" A chill settled over the group.

as there was no inherent truth in any alien numbers. but not galactically universal. AND DUMPED "What have we done here? Can this be stopped?" The nanny from the nursery ran in. All had been used at the loading of the basement computer. This material was factual. so that this body of knowledge would be preserved intact for future scholars. If copies came up." . Here were the physical Constances such as the speed of light and Planck's Constant. the writings of Shakespeare. The history of the human animal. Here were the facts that were uniquely those of earth. out of breath. the history key. Earth knowledge. initial information was put down with the mind key. MATERIALIZED. This was the product of the intelligence of man. No alien intelligence could ever insert its own information. these numbers are identical. but once there in basement. On Arcturus 4B. It was placed in the basement with the history key. Here was the mass of the proton and the half-life of carbon-fourteen. similar numbers. but which had been totally ignored. Human knowledge. It stated. and reflected its evolutionary history. Chlorophyll and DNA. The galaxy key. the speeches of Cicero. All knowledge was of one of three classes: Galactic knowledge. and there appeared on the screen: ALL DATA WILL BE DECOMPILED. no one seemed to notice. The value of pi was among these quantum facts. quite simply: "Unauthorized filing detected. the pan-sophistry repository of all human knowing. Still. and the mind key. The physical scene. Again." He clicked on the latter entry. the structures of psychoactive drugs. which would be accessible to any and all intelligences anywhere in the universe. This was universal fact. and the causes of depression. The rules for bringing up and using information from the basement were clearly stated. but they could only be entered with the quantum key. Help me. He opened immediately the basement alert that had been there from yesterday. they had to be kept in personal files or dumped. as on earth. Such values went down to basement as class A information. it was inviolate. and all these keys remained on earth. and a copy could be brought up as wanted. They were uncensored and unrestricted. The hissing that seemed to come from everywhere was now quite a bit louder. Other worlds might have. but these were absolutely unique to earth. would most certainly have.PanSoph-2 133 any alert messages. "Sally has gone into what looks like a convulsion. such as atmospheric oxygen concentration and the salinity of salt water. The checks that Hugo brought to the screen carried two alert messages. It could never be changed from a distance. System decompiling.

But his scream was never heard. was being re-created and released here aboard this isolated space ship. The hiss was now a thing that could be felt as well. and took what comfort he could in having the ship's solid bulwark pushing against his back. First it seemed to be clumpy dust. But it was all being materialized first. The classical history and language files were also empty. and found that the species file was active. The noise within the space ship . with a sound that resembled that of a smoke detector without the pulsing note. and for which the DNA code was known. He held his hands out in front of him. with a look of distress in his face. a million living individuals were being created in exchange for the original record. certainly never to be known. and a red star lay alongside the biology file." Willard opened the read-only menu of basement. He snapped this open. He screamed. he called up the master menu. The hissing was quite a bit louder now. "If I blew it with saving my pi game in basement. as if warding off aggressors that he couldn't see. a grey transparent cloud. He jerked aside as he felt some unknown life-form brushing his cheek. and scanned over to the number theory menu. if he'd been given the time to watch. Willard backed away from the controls and screens. and the world about him became increasingly viscous. It built up yet more in intensity and he became aware of particulate things in the environment. If there had been a million sets of nucleic code. For some reason. "I'll bet you can't find it." "Try it." said Hugo. thickening all around him. the simplest forms were the first to be transformed from the genetic record to the actual expression of the entity. then at least I can call it up again and see if the numbers check. The sounds became louder bit by bit.134 TIHKAL — The Continuation Johnathan ran out with her. And those million examples. There was the sense of a cloud. A message was all that remained. Simply a continuing whine. His mind said No! Then he realized that everything that had ever lived on earth. Willard turned to Hugo. but then it became more lumpy and had shapes that would have been familiar. he realized that all the recorded DNA was being dumped. The hiss — The hiss was now a roar. Things that were spewing out of the bowels of the ship. In a moment of insight. stating: POWER SERIES BIN MATERIALIZED AND DUMPED In a panic. were being materialized into the space all about him. be they pions or viruses or bacteria or yeast cells. It was blank.

In the last few seconds of his life. an unending variety of forms and identities spewed forth from the basement. Saber-tooth tigers and bats and spiders and buzzards. Willard's ship. but perhaps not. In time. and the fate of PanSoph 2 would never be known. that are exquisitely human. Some day there might be a new try. Willard realized that there would never be any further communication either to or from earth. both.PanSoph-2 135 had become deafening. outwards into the void where the concept of intelligence and knowledge and consciousness did not exist. It might be that the wish to preserve the magic of the human animal. a PanSoph #3. Traits. fell silent and continued its way as a hulk with a cargo of dead. an untellable story stemming from the curiosity and carelessness of one of its crew. . leagues from it's origins. Perhaps this is how the original PanSoph ended. or the story of its creation and reason for being. had already been lost on earth.

and I decided that it would be completely cool and sophisticated to limit my philately to only those stamps that had been used prior to 1900. I mentioned in PIHKAL my memories as a child living next door to an ancient man. She had traveled. and the Zhemstvo postal system of Russia. I got from her. That promised to be an area of exciting research. and identifying numerals in Arabic was my first venture into foreign literacy. I put what money I could spare in the 1950's into buying many lots at auction. a Mr. He kept the books. STAMPS (Shura's voice) My most keen interests at the present time are drugs. float them off their wrappers with cold water. I would take them all up to my bedroom. but he gave me the stamps. Actually. Newspaper stamps. steam-ship line . and then identify them with my precious and personal copy of the 1930 Scott's Stamp Catalog. as a visiting teacher. and a lot of larger stamps with camels on them. and I still have squirreled away and waiting for some free time. all on envelopes and with some unusual postmarks. A much earlier area of compulsive enthusiasm involved the collection and study of stamps. my mother had prepared me for this philatelic interest in an unusual way. At about the time of World War II (which effectively renamed the Great War as World War I) I discovered the Austro-Hungarian Empire. from school to school in the Nile basin during and just after the Great War (1914-1918) and had given me letters (boxes of them) that she had written home from there. quite literally hundreds of the 1914 Sphinx and Pyramid common issues. and I put together (but even today have not yet organized) a neat collection of old and lovely stamps. Khartoum and Cairo were common names to me.136 TIHKAL — The Continuation CHAPTER 7. press them dry with newspapers and blotters and heavy books for weight. He received books by mail. especially drugs that can influence or modify the function of the mind. This threw me back into the 19th century. Smythe. who was a bookdealer. thus there were stamps attached. and they of course came from everywhere around the world.

Stamps 137 stamps and. not judicial. The Commissioner of this Bureau. Physicians were told to keep away from the treatment of addicts or they. and opium just happened to be the Chinaman's problem. another minority group population. too. pharmacological evils of our culture. It caught my attention just as completely as had the Sudanese postal cards.C. There were two compounds specifically focused upon: cocaine (and the coca plant and its components) and heroin (and the opium poppy with its components and derivatives). they would simply have to pay some revenue fee. which was specifically modeled after the Harrison Narcotics Act of 1914. The hysteria from the movies "Weed that Kills. and personally launched a most disingenuous and dishonest propaganda campaign. cocaine just happened to be the black man's problem. the Mexican immigrants. served as the excuse for further Federal drug law change. There was no racism acknowledged." and "Reefer Madness. adventure: revenue stamps. legally. an ambitious politician named Harry J. Its enforcement was assigned to the Department of the Treasury rather than to the Department of Justice. Anslinger. There were hot jazz clubs in New Orleans and opium smoking dens in San Francisco. that could provoke changes of consciousness. The medical usefulness of marijuana was openly acknowledged. dentists and veterinarians could continue to prescribe it. the very items that set the stage for this Washington. I discovered that there were many simple things. D. The drug problem quickly became a legal concern instead of a medical one in that drug users were looked upon. The drug was marijuana. as it turns out. as criminals rather than as patients. The law was cast in fiscal terms. saw the marijuana issue as an effective springboard to both power and fame. Most states followed this Federal lead by the enactment of similar . and it was responsible for the handling of any narcotics problems that might arise from the repeal of the alcohol prohibition amendment. One had to buy revenue stamps to possess these drugs. the Federal Bureau of Narcotics was established within the Department of the Treasury. In the 1930's. the only." is famous. In 1932. My compulsion in the area of the psychotropic drugs didn't become manifest until the 1950's when I participated in an experiment that involved the psychoactive drug mescaline. in this case not stamps but chemicals. and it was the absence of these stamps that defined any crime that might be committed. and it required permits and payments. Any physician who wished to use this drug in his practice had to respect these tax laws. and led directly to the passage of the Marijuana Tax Act of 1937. and there could be no question but that physicians. The passage of the Harrison Narcotics Act in 1915 created the first Federal law that illegalized drugs. would suffer legally. For two decades these were the major.

Some of these questions had never even been asked before. So. The plants arrived promptly. and four ounces of seeds and extracts. and the issuance of the Marijuana Tax Stamp in that same year. but by good chance I had made a photocopy of them while they were in my hands. It was about this time that I realized this was the ultimate. But it became apparent that to learn from my findings I should make critical comparisons against the ultimate reference marijuana plant. magical overlap. It became apparent to me that the reward of this caper would be in the stamps. at one dollar each. and quite quickly legal access to marijuana by non-medical users was essentially terminated. and harvested. To receive legal marijuana. which was acknowledged and sent back with the actual order and a personal check as payment to effectively authorize their shipment of the marijuana. or is it the growing environment that effectively dictates the final plant? What is the relationship between the potency of a given strain of marijuana. a synthesis of my two compulsions. and the components that can be shown to be in it? What is the contribution of the genetics of a given plant to its morphology? I decided to carry out several studies to address these questions. Let's take advantage of my having the State's OK. and let's discover the moves needed to score a stash of Mississippi pot. the Federal Standard. I asked for. It's here that the two areas of my personal interest — stamp collecting and research with psychoactive drugs — effectively overlap. and analyzed a sizable crop of pot here on the farm where I live. and that is when I discovered that this was a revenue issue rather than a legal one. So I played the game. and received. As to the drug side of things. which had been planted and raised in the Deep South. a Federal drug license. forty or fifty or so. I wrote to the appropriate authorities. and then return them to the IRS office accompanying the actual order for the marijuana. Do the seeds of potent strains carry the essence of that potency. I decided to begin exploring the world of administrative officialdom. I wanted to answer questions that had never before been answered. and having a Federal license on the wall. I had to pay for and receive the required Marijuana Tax Stamps. The first move of this transaction was the delivery to me of a massive sheet of Marijuana Tax Stamps. They reviewed my research protocol and approved it. The stamps of course disappeared back into the maws of the system. by actually growing marijuana on my farm.138 TIHKAL — The Continuation laws. and there had to be Marijuana Tax Stamps involved in any such transactions. So I planted and grew. So I ordered . not the science. I needed the approval of the California Research Advisory Panel (whose name was finally shortened to Research Advisory Panel when the acronym of their original name became publicized). This was the climate in the wake of the 1937 law. and ordered two pounds of Mississippi marijuana. all with the official organizations extending me blessings.

He wanted to include a photograph of the actual order form. I had no way of foreseeing how such a trivial event could give rise to an unforeseeable cascade of consequences. from a gentleman who claimed to be a pharmacist in Seattle. I made a photostat of this order form with the four stamps. returned to Seattle. Marijuana Medical Papers 1839-1972 as a part of a chapter written by Dr. with the stamps attached. I quite honestly had no idea where it was. Had it been taken by someone? Had it never been returned by my friend after he photographed it for his book? Was it simply buried under a mountain of papers which is the world I live and work in? Whatever. and had contacted him and succeeded in getting from him both my name and my address. and spent a half day discussing many aspects of drugs. of the Oakland office of the FBI. Well. expanding my Africas and my Austrias to now include 139 four U. This man flew down to visit me. I chose to add them to my stamp collection. paid for them. This young man was an avid collector of revenue stamps. and the conversation went something like this: "Do you happen to know a pharmacist from Seattle who was interested in the 1937 Marijuana Tax S t a m p ? " . Our pharmacist. This 1973 book was apparently the spark that lit another fuse. got the four one dollar Marijuana Tax Stamps of 1937 (one dollar per ounce plus two cents per form). it worked out to his sorrow but very much to my own advantage (as became apparent later) that I had completely lost the IRS document with the stamps attached to it. then a visit in the 1980's. He had seen the photograph of these four stamps in my friend's book. in his book. He was writing a book on the medical uses of marijuana and had heard that I had received some government marijuana via the Tax Stamp process of the Treasury Department. and then immediately abandoned the scientific questions and simply kept the stamps. David Musto discussing the 1937 Marijuana Tax Act. He came out to the farm. bringing me first a phone call. with my name and other details blanked out to protect my privacy.S. This was in February. and maybe just touching them. and this appeared in his book. let my check clear. revenues. He stated that he was interested in the legal marijuana situation since he was convinced that it had been used as a device for the manipulation of immigrants. The first step in this developing story was a request from a friend of mine about a year later. obviously disappointed. who said he would appreciate the chance to talk to me and ask a few questions. 1971. I could not put my hands upon it. philately and the law. In the 1990's the issue came up again in a completely unexpected way.Stamps another four ounces of Governmental grass. I received a call from a Special Agent Schmitz. But I personally believed that he truly wanted nothing more than the sensual pleasure of looking at these stamps.

I volunteered all of the information that I had. I do. I did not. and that the curious philatelist had returned without having seen them. and when he was asked about them by Federal police he stated that he had bought them from me. I so testified. sharing the sad fact with the jury that these were still lost items and I still held forth the hope that they might show up some day. and I found the date of the visit. he did. having inspected them closely and carefully. but a summons. About two years ago I needed to file a letter and a reprint concerning a specific Psilocybe species. but slowly the story began to take form." "Did he visit you?" "Yes. and spent a most informative afternoon with an Assistant U. All this took on the earmarks of a criminal action and.S. and it was promptly mailed back to me after being copied." "Did you sell him any such stamps?" "No.140 TIHKAL — The Continuation "Yes. and manuscripts. eight of them. A few months later I received a request to appear at a Grand Jury panel in Washington. but I had spoken honestly and was quite happy to return home and forget the matter. when I was asked by the FBI agent if I would be willing to give some sworn statement to them covering the details of the story. You are not asked to come. I assured them that I certainly would. He had been observed attempting to swap them at a stamp fair in San Francisco. I went. Government had put some of these 1937 Marijuana Tax Stamps on display. There was a feeling of indifference from the jury. including the fact that the stamps were nowhere to be found. and this proved to be easy. But the stamps had apparently disappeared at about the same time. left. since I did know where my historic appointment books were kept. My testimony to the Grand Jury was to affirm that these stamps had not been provided to him by me. but I could not find my mushroom files." There were many additional questions. But a bit of forensic detective work immediately established that the copies he had were the very ones that had been taken from the Washington Museum. Apparently there had been some strange goings-on at the Smithsonian Institution where the U. He asked if I could establish the date of the visit. I knew . To be exact. it was not a request. each four drawers high. Things were to become more complex yet. A young man had expressed keen interest in them and. He borrowed the book. as they might prove to be quite valuable. Behind my desk I have a battery of filing cabinets. as if they couldn't care less.S. correspondence. where I keep reprints. Attorney who filled me in on many details of the story. you are told to come.

I found the folder one drawer down. of application forms and canceled checks. . "Gov't letter re Pot. The lost had been found.Stamps 141 that I had relocated the folder from one drawer to another because things were just too crowded. It is just possible that they are the only copies that exist outside of the Smithsonian Institution or the IRS archives. It turned out to be the unsent order form. and the IRS. and the four beautiful tax stamps were still neatly attached. I believe that I did not move for several minutes. the BNDD and DEA. I have personally seen fifty-one of them. and also there are these four I now hold which occupy a special page in my collection. and I now had closure on a fascinating story of a completed era of pharmacological and fiscal history. and found that it contained the entire two decades of exchanges of correspondence with the FDA. I have no idea how many of these stamps have ever made it into the public domain. With an eerie feeling of having come home again. Towards the bottom of the file. there was a photocopy of the forty-or-so stamps and the order form for the two pounds of marijuana. and just behind it I saw an open pentaflex hanging folder that said." I pulled it out. I leafed through page after page of correspondence. My search was almost completed. there was one sheet left in the file.

The text of the letter was written in a cursive style with the letters separated from one another. along with a nearly pathological mistrust of strangers. and mail. and even to my inexperienced eye there were obvious signs of entry. The writer's return name. IF YOU IS. "PEACE" and "NO WAR. It was at that point that all conventional appearance ended. There was information on the use and availability of opium and morphine (heroin was not mentioned). but grew as one went up the political and military hierarchy. Andrew's Cross. The gum of the flap was slightly misplaced. When the Leningrad letter arrived. and it was in English. radio. and on the construction seams of the lower half. it had a most unusual appearance. There was (and for all I know perhaps still is) a rigid control of movement. drugs. There. for all to read. (Shura's voice) It must be remembered that in 1985. It even covered a small bit of the red message. The immediate unusual feature was the lettering that shone forth in brilliant red on the back of the envelope. A message was printed there. My name and address were clearly printed. was the message "SAVE ME GOD. and the postage was. on the two edges of the sealing flap. or illegal. He was Anatole Zhoborov and (according to a Russian friend of mine) he lived on a rather fashionable avenue in Leningrad. there were no signs of the fragmentation and diffusion of authority that now define the scene. The content was clearly about drugs — drugs that have been classified in the United States as street. I opened the envelope with an extremely sharp knife. of course." I inspected the envelope most carefully. and a small scrap of selvage had been stuck exactly at the tip of the flap to re-seal the envelope.142 TIHKAL — The Continuation CHAPTER 8 LENINGRAD LETTERS ." And on the lower seams. speech. This xenophobia did not generally show itself at the level of the common man. in English. forming a sort of lurid St. and Zip code were where they should have been. address. in order to do as little damage as possible. the Soviet Union was still a most intractable police state. . paid for in Soviet stamps. television.

and added that heroin and other synthetic substitutes were seen here more frequently than were opium or morphine. and initiate contact with an American who is knowledgeable about the American drug scene. as the letter had been opened and presumably read. He never did. He showed a true Russian cultural background with the dropped articles in his writing and the added g." a group of people at the KGB who had decided that it might be of value to appear to be a young individual. supplemented with a carefully measured amount of unsolicited information. But I was certainly curious. as I was to discover in the course of our developing correspondence. I volunteered the popularity of methamphetamine and of MDMA in the United States. Was he indeed a young individual involved in the illicit drug scene? Was he a patient in some mental hospital who had once been involved in the illicit drug scene? Perhaps he was not a "he" at all. at least according to the propagandists. but I made a point of signing my name Shura in ink. All questions were answered with accuracy. The correctness of the postage indicated that if anything had been removed. The accompanying text was equally sophisticated. sources (at least the city of manufacture). for some future purpose? Or perhaps a group. and the chemical structures had obviously been drawn by the hand of a person well studied in chemistry. The final line was a request for an exchange of correspondence. He also appeared to be a person with some form of death wish. but a "them. mescaline. PCP. and during the subsequent exchange of letters he never really told me. . and I had no clue as to who or what Anatole represented. and as to the popularity of each.Leningrad Letters amphetamine (methamphetamine was not mentioned). and hashish. And all this from a country where there is no drug problem. mailing strange letters from the Leningrad post office? Clearly his highlighting the envelope with the red writing had caught someone's attention. not of the KGB but of the CIA with an agenda of its own. It was weird. I tried to place him in a society with which I was not familiar. It was always presented in its full and proper form. Wow. Details were offered as to prices. All this from inside the Soviet Union. My letter was printed out from the computer. it had been very light. My answer to him was a model of circumspection and caution. Methods of manufacture were outlined. He wrote in rather good English. He was knowledgeable about drugs. and I could only speculate with the few bits of the puzzle I had. having written to me of such matters with an obvious flag on the 143 back of his envelope. before the year of the date. availability. I was completely in a quandary as to just who this Anatole person was. Anatole was a person with consistent patterns. to see if I might provoke some reciprocity in getting him to sign his own first name in some diminutive form. But it was sealed up again and sent on its way with no effort to hide the intrusion. and in cursive Cyrillic.

It was only with the use of a radioimmune assay designed for Fentanyl that the first clues as to the nature of the drug became apparent. And with such extremely high potency (the active dose was down in micrograms) it should be easy to manufacture a great number of doses with only modest equipment. And the overdosed users gave none of the usual measures of the presence of acetylmorphine or morphine. and finally the country. But the signs of heroin overdose were there — pin-point pupils. but it was awfully close to Fentanyl. Rather than providing some clues to help solve the enigma of who or what he was. and sent it off. or whoever else might be interested. followed by street number and name. Then. Why not play the game in the easterly direction as well? I used the old retired IBM Selectric typewriter to write his address on the left side of the front of the envelope in the typical American way. I felt. That. breathing problems. and finally the name of the addressee. based on the presence of an extra carbon atom here in the molecule. They said that. and for the first time he ventured into the area of variously substituted Fentanyl compounds. I used exactly the right amount of air mail postage. It was not Fentanyl. and narcosis. A sample went back to the research labs of the DEA (called Special Testing by its supporters. then the city. But the story quickly became more complex. and it responded to none of the presumptive tests for heroin. His mention of Fentanyl triggered some interesting thoughts and fun speculations in the area of pharmacology and chemical warfare. It turned out that the initial China White really had the added carbon there in the molecule. but by the time the correction had been . with the addressee's name first. But here it appeared not only in the Russian type font." was how one congressman put it. CCCP. It was called China White. but I felt I should be equally diligent in flagging it. The return letter from Anatole was considerably more detailed. should be unusual enough to catch the eye of the CIA. Apparently my letter went right through. or Special Resting by those who had limited patience) and in good time the drug was identified as being a methyl homologue of Fentanyl. "A hundred million doses could be made with what could be bought at the hardware store for a few hundred dollars. both standard metabolites of heroin. the drug was a known thing. I rewrote the address completely in Cyrillic. and routinely seen in the screening of patients. then the city. using the appropriate ball in the Selectric. First the country. Bang — it was made illegal. there had been a new form of "heroin" appearing on the streets of the larger cities of California. and was clearly being synthesized by some very sophisticated chemist somewhere.144 TIHKAL — The Continuation I sent my letter off. but in the proper inverted Russian format as well. this letter only added further fuel to the mystery. or the KGB. the street name and number. just to the right of that. USSR. A few years earlier.

several pharmaceutical houses in the United States had also chosen to run the first human trials of the early contraception pills abroad. research into the value of these compounds as anaesthetics was proceeding apace. From these laboratories came such clinically useful inventions as Carfentanil." I had noticed that there had been quite a flurry of recent publications from Red China describing the synthesis and pharmacology of some fluorinated Fentanyls. There were methyl groups in yet other places. I suspect that the Soviet chemists were involved in research with compounds of this type in the area of Chemical Warfare. This "Son of China White" proved to be of similar extreme potency. Maybe the Chinese were using second class citizens (the drugusing population of California) as guinea pigs for the initial human trials of their new drugs. I learned from an inside source at Blackwood Arsenal that quinuclidine benzilate was unofficially described as an incapacitating agent in the U. a sample had been seized from illicit sources with the added carbon placed in the here position. in connection with the radioimmune assay work being done in this country. had China been developing. After all. that . Could China be developing. The make-believe scenario rattled on — who would be the importers? Were the profits funneled back to Asia. Once before I had seen a similar quiet period followed by a burst of activity. There. but never were any completely satisfactory answers found by the authorities. This had followed an extensive quiet period. I personally had been fantasizing a scenario that exploited the original name which contained the word "China. there was precedent. when almost nothing in this area had been published at all. Who was doing it? Was it all one person? Where was he located? There was quite an official effort made.S. because only a short time after this quiet period ended. with the development of new compounds that emphasized potency (which can be related to safety) and duration (short action was a virtue in surgical anesthesia). It was also observed. on what might be thought of. and carbon chains became different lengths. arsenal. This was in the Russian chemical literature in the area of quinuclidine chemistry. and new elements such as sulfur or fluorine were occasionally introduced. and was soon followed by more and more Fentanyl analogues with other minor changes. Sufentanil and Alfentanil. by some. just where the Feds had originally thought. or better. some super-potent Fentanyl analogues as potential warfare agents? Let the fantasy roll. So. as second class citizens (the fertile population of Puerto Rico). or were they the pay-off for distribution and reporting? Were there any one-to-one correlations between Chinese scientific literature and the things seen here? A second international connection was obvious in the fact that all the legitimate Fentanyl line came out of Belgium.Leningrad Letters 145 publicized within the forensic community.

with her eyebrows raised. And that particular letter from Leningrad. The subject of explosives never came up again. Everything was about explosives. a point which made subsequent events even more intriguing. cook.S. there was not a single mention of drugs. indicators of temperatures of detonation. of A. I was being asked to be the courier of some heaven-knows-what kind of military information between some Russian unknown and explosive experts here in the U. And even more provocative. Zhoborov in Russia with some information on chemical explosives. and all of this ending up with a half kilo of some substituted Fentanyl worth maybe $500. I got Fentanyl information beyond all expectations. There was a recipe that explained how one could start with one and a half kilo of this and then add a liter of that. completely sophisticated technological jargon that rang of competence. The details of large scale Fentanyl preparation. This observation was never widely publicized. In it. and that I didn't understand it either. There could be no question of the attention-grabbing nature of the messages. so I asked some specific questions in my reply to him. filter and so on. I was getting quite a body of information on Fentanyl. and the other was never answered. And in that letter. at maybe 50 micrograms a dose. I mean. he .000 in the Swiss black market. The third letter from him added yet more confusion to this already confused picture. Again. a registered letter from Leningrad. I was in awe. with colorful alerting patterns of GOD SAVE US around the back flap. Structures of great beauty and delicate complexity. Here in the second letter. discussion of bruissance — in all.000 doses. The young lady at the post office asked me. "You mean that this came from Russia?" I assured her that it did. Could China be using some drug-users in Leningrad as an experimental population of second class citizens? Or was Leningrad merely the tip of an iceberg when it came to drug use in the Soviet system? I wanted more information from my correspondent concerning Fentanyl. They were completely transparent. stir. so there would be no way of spotting the use of such drugs by any standard urine screening analysis. is 10. in which Anatole (or KGB or CIA or whoever they were) asked me to send copies on to two people. with stated melting points. both in the military in the United States.000. Speculation is cheap. Why explosives? Why me? There was an intriguing hint at the end of the letter.146 TIHKAL — The Continuation those Fentanyl analogues with a "second substituent in the piperidine 4position" could not be seen by radioimmune assay. a half kilo of Fentanyl or one of its potent analogues. but it is fun. I wrote to the people involved. One letter was returned addressee unknown. and queried them as to whether they wished to received a letter from an A.? That was a little too much. Then a new bombshell. I too never answered. Back to the Leningrad letters.

his going to Moscow for a week to avoid what he called "The Narco Mafia. But in the next letter the flavor would shift back to his being the pursuer of information from me. My interchange of letters has slowly dropped to a trickle. there is a small but real possibility that I may again be made privy to what is going on. and of his plans for eventual expatriation. I must conclude that there is some sort of drug underground everywhere in the world." or his simply traveling to the Baltics to observe how the big scale chemistry was progress- ing. However. Then everything changed. accidental?) transliteration of his name into French. He was Juoboroff rather than Zhoborov. but to very sophisticated analytical information as well. and he is also providing information to the state police concerning the Narco Mafia in his new country. another first letter. the compounds could not be picked up by radioimmune assay. He apparently got an exit visa through the simple (clever?. He spoke of his desire to travel. He sent me a couple of dozen extraordinary text books and reference volumes that were currently being used in the colleges and in the industrial research labs in the Soviet Union. Apparently he has some chemical connections with a commercial laboratory where he is acting as a technician. orthography. still pursuing his dance between organic chemistry and law enforcement. either. yet there was never an impression of being a completely scattered one. Within three weeks of Monsieur Juoboroff's departure I received. 147 Our correspondence continued for another year. And I have no way of judging if the narcotics trade in the Soviet Union is proceeding apace (despite his disappearance) or has dropped to nothing (because of his disappearance).Leningrad Letters volunteered the information that if one were to put a second substituent on the 4-position of the piperidine. So he was not only privy to very sophisticated synthetic information. from a person unknown to me." to give information to the KGB authorities. again from Leningrad. . his hiding in fear of his life. It was rich with stories of Anatole being called in to what he called "The Big House. So now he is in a Western European country. rather than being pursued by the authorities or the Mafia. and there appeared to be absolutely nothing in the computer to stop his emigration. He never gave me a vision of being a completely "together" person. rather than into English.

and Andorra. a place I had never heard of before. Ireland. My parents and I had driven in our brand new Model A Ford to Tijuana when I was perhaps four or five years old. The only countries I have missed until recently were. The list of foreign destinations have included Asia (Turkey). as I recall. chemistry and pharmacology. But Spain was added to the list as a consequence of an invitation to lecture somewhere else. There was to be a goodly collection of scholars and scientists there. The conference languages offered were Spanish and English but. as it turned out. the Eastern European block (except for Czechoslovakia). We had driven into the hills. And other than the two phrases "No tengo dinero" and "Hecho en Mexico por Mexicanos" (which I memorized during my one and only previous visit to Mexico in the late 1950's. Central America (Panama). so we spent the night in a hotel on the Mexican side of the border. LA RUTA DEL BAKALAO (Shura's voice) I have done a modest amount of traveling both inside and outside the United States. to give an opening address to a conference on Psychotropic Plants and Shamanism. Greece. And Spain. that is not entirely accurate. as I recall.m. botany. No. and from that vacation there was one memory of Mexico. San Marino. in the areas of anthropology. and were hurrying back on a nasty road to get to the border which at that time closed for the night at some early hour in the evening. 8 or 9 p.C. stood for Desparados . but a majority of my overseas explorations have been in Western Europe.C. This was being held in the Fall. in the city and State of San Luis Potosi which was. The road back was peppered with yellow and black traveler advisory signs that said simply "D. I must confess. In early 1992 I received a request to attend a meeting in Mexico." We got to the border just after it was sealed up. and someone finally told me that D.148 TIHKAL — The Continuation CHAPTER 9. the first for answering street urchins and the second from a back window sticker on a Ford) I did not know a single word of Spanish. South America (Brazil) and the South Pacific (Australia). most of the talks were in Spanish.

It's a memory that might be rewarding to pursue some day on an appropriate psychedelic drug. I never could pin down just where on the map the Cactus place was. Most of our party had chosen to meet in the parking area across from a deserted Catholic church and sense the history and magic of the fog-enshrouded terrain through the eyes of a non-scheduled alternative. Another magical tour was to the north (to Matahuala) and then west through Cedral to Real del Catorce which proved to be a former silver mine. was a bit of a promoter's dream. and having been thrown. Sophia. Alice and I became fast friends with him and his wife. Once I ignored them. by his deciphering of these very notes while seated alongside me. 2C-B. but this area appeared to be totally supported by a modest tourist trade coming to visit the area that is the Mecca of the Huichol pilgrimage. and inhabited by a few hundred Indians. My presentation went OK. not total. in real time. Something to do with my not knowing how to swim. I received a tentative invitation from a totally charming philosopher/drug expert/writer named Antonio . and made our way safely back to San Luis Potosi for dinner. Then I discovered that my street map. As with any meeting of this sort. and it was not surprising that there was a quiet but inescapable street market. The mountains in this area are sacred. in total poverty. The conference provided many free hours for exploring adventure. and they had not yet been constructed. But here. in San Luis Potosi. screaming. into the Pacific ocean by my father so that I would learn. even though we took different routes each trip.La Ruta del Bakalao 149 Curvasos (literally Desperate Curves). as there were occasional satellite dishes and some well fed dogs. in our private bus. it may have something to do with the development of the relationship I had with my father. which had all the major thoroughfares indicated in bright red. These were the planned freeways. I pride myself in always becoming oriented as to location in any new city within about 36 hours. Back to present day Mexico. No. now abandoned. but also in freshly picked peyote buttons. I knew where I was. or to the meetings themselves at the Casa de la Cultura. the true value lay in the many personal interactions that took place. This last item just now sprang into mind and. even though I had a complete street map in my lap every time we went from our sleeping quarters (at the Cactus Motel) to the meal location (at the Motel Tuna). considering that I was giving my talk from hand-written notes (in English) and each sentence was being translated into Spanish by Manuel Sanchez. We regrouped at about four in the afternoon at the only coffee shop in town. although it has nothing to do with the Spanish language. not only in bric-a-brac with a Christian motif. And just now I remember something else. I remember having a terrible time orienting myself as to where I was in San Luis Potosi.

such as Monica. The language of the conference would probably be English and the local language.150 TIHKAL — The Continuation Escohotado to teach in a Summer School in El Escorial. Counter Culture. Suddenly there were two pentaflex folders for Spain hanging in my file drawer of future travels. so off went a letter with a strongly worded opinion that MDMA is one of the safest drugs I have ever encountered. and perhaps to contribute to a second edition of this Shamanismo performance (in case it became a biannual tradition) in Barcelona. the following year. and Jose Maria. and was going to be on the subject of Civil Disobedience. such questions are pretty common. That wasn't all. an hour's drive away. just in case it really did come to be. That. and again a beautiful opportunity to expand yet further the circle of people we knew. A formal invitation to teach at the Summer School came from Antonio in a few weeks. near Madrid. As soon as Alice and I got home to the farm. in the city of El Escorial. Ott was there from Xalapa. I felt. where there had never been one before. who invited me as a dinner guest to his home. Again. I decided that the logical thing to do was to begin serious study of the language for the Barcelona trip. And there were the funds at hand for a second week repeat performance in the Canary Islands. There are several of these courses going on at the same time in El Escorial. Antonio was there as an organizer. as to the degree of harm that can visit the public by the use of MDMA. in writing. and. and they continue for perhaps ten weeks during the summer there. The structure of this Spanish Summer School system is totally remarkable. and would serve many other communities as a model for the use of funds for education. and at other locations. and I was certainly not expecting to find the government funding educational courses that included topics such as these. The class was to be held in the coming Summer. a winsome psychiatrist. it was an interaction largely in Spanish. Spanish would play a major role. The lodging and meals (in an excellent hotel) are largely subsidized by the government. two years later. in 1994. Antonio's wife. and Thomas Szasz and Albert Hofmann. Why can't we do something like this at home? On returning from this trip. That was the faculty for this particular course. A tremendous reward at a remarkable bargain. the expenses (travel and honoraria) of the faculty come from a 1% tax on some industry (in this case one of the banking systems) and the student gets all of this for something like $200 for the week. if past experience was any measure. Well. and Utopic Pharmacy. should put that matter to rest. It was at about this time that I . I guess I had never really consciously thought of Spain as no longer being in the grip of Fascism and Franco. But there were peripheral treasures. we found a letter from a Spanish law firm asking for an opinion.

I was responsible for giving final exams to my 75 students at Berkeley. consultations with lawyers in at least two lan- . A check arrived promptly from a Bank in Puerto Rico. Pure fantasy. That should discourage the invitation. Ahead of me was the prospect of travel on four airplanes." the French scholar started. The week before Christmas was about as full as a week can be. I will deliver it half in French and half in English.N.La Ruta del Bakalao discovered that the local language spoken in Barcelona (and all along the Costa Brava from the Pyrenees to Valencia. Everything sort of began converging. to the relief of the audience. and then drop back into English for the rest of it. "That any reports of research that have been subsidized by French funds. The fat was in the fire. using the argument that I wished to extend this courtesy to our hosts.. shall be reported in French regardless of where the talks are to be given. and getting the exams corrected and the results into the registrar's office by Friday at 4 p. English. But.m. and wrote back that if I came to Spain I would need to travel by business class (uncrowded conditions and ability to move around) and that I would have to charge a handsome fee for the two days that I would be available for testimony. le Professeur continued. My thought: to perhaps address the international crowd in the Barcelona meeting with a talk that at least started in Catalan. groaned. This just happened 151 to be in London. I had to pack all the papers I might need for the Spanish court. So I made a third Spain travel pentaflex. still in French: "I have decided on a compromise. so a fantasy flashed across my mind. of course.R. I was going again to Spain." The audience. as there was as yet no invitation from anyone and there might never be one. Many years ago I had the opportunity of hearing an address given at an international meeting by a famed French chemist. there were two Christmas dinners I was obliged to attend. largely non-French. all. the French Government had a rule concerning the conduct of its nationals when they were traveling abroad. Nonetheless I launched into tutoring lessons in spoken Catalan which I found to be a completely beautiful language." A pause. "I have been instructed by the French C.S. Somewhere around here this Spanish connection began developing an aura of synchronicity." And the rest of the hour was in English. M. I received a fax from the law firm in Madrid that they wanted me to come to that city for a day or two to give testimony in an MDMA case. and in the Balearic Islands) is Catalan. for a taxi to take me to the airport. and was used to cover a $4000 plane ticket. and be ready at 5:00 a. which cleared. then: "I have just completed the French half. as of that time.m. where the official language of the conference was.. in French. I thought.

They called the road from Madrid to Valencia the Ruta del Bakalao. it started off on an up-beat note. and strikes off for the nearest coastal city. I think) and resume her medical career. The Second Ring of Power. . and one of the early Castaneda books. The press is casting the scene in a completely negative light. had heard of PIHKAL but didn't know how to find it. but does return to Madrid late Sunday night. exhausted and somehow making it back to school or work. It starts on a Friday evening. The dance/music/ drugs/no sleep party is not held in a single location as in England or the United States.152 TIHKAL — The Continuation guages (I could always hope that someone would speak French. and very much wanted to buy a copy. Oaxaca mushrooms. ergot alkaloids. and continued to get better and better. in Madrid. from San Francisco to Dulles. I knew that it would be a worthwhile trip when I learned that my cab driver was an ex-speed chemist who abandoned the trade some seven years ago when he suddenly became a born-again Christian. I just may have discovered a method of paying for my flights myself in the future! In my talks with the lawyers involved with the MDMA case. I learned of the Spanish equivalent of the rave scene. The entire British concept of the Acid House was re-named in Spain after a fish and I cannot find the reason. I took down her name and address. The gathered masses stop at bars and dance locations along the way. to the East. I refused to even think about the jet lag. or even Monday morning. The party may never get to Valencia. attempting to unravel the mysteries of the Spanish legal system. to stoke up on more pills and buy water at $5 a bottle. knew of most of the writers of psychedelic texts. and two days of total alertness and mental sharpness in a strange courtroom. As is so often the case with the unknown. with a window seat companion named Anna. The second half of the flight put me in the front of a 767. coming and going. Rather. had heard of PIHKAL but had no idea of where to buy it. the route of the cod. if there is one. which happens to be Valencia. was in the upper lounge of a 747. In our conversation. The first travel leg. Doug (his name) revealed that he had just evolved onto a path of self-discovery. where I had the front seat (miles of leg room) and a young gentlemen at the window to my right whose two reading books were entitled Synchronicity. a young cardiologist who had married a Mexican man who gave her two children. author unknown. because in Spanish I am helpless). I took down his name and address. Quite familiar with peyote and the Huichol Indians. We had a delightful hour's ride in the early morning's darkness with a conversation that bounced back and forth between 55-liter Pfaudler reaction vessels and the love of Jesus. it is more like a process that is a physical trip as well as a drug trip. but now she was returning to her home in Southern Spain to meet her family (minus the exhusband. saying that MDMA is corrupting their youth.

and it is highly recommended in the guide books. just a few blocks from my hotel. But the catch word that sells newspapers is "extasis" and it is getting the credit for a lot of damage. this was an inauspicious time for the trial to occur. with a half dozen hand-made bar stools arranged around a polished bar-top. we went into what surely was a tapas bar. It was class. It is a luncheon phenomenon that is. With the broad negative publicity about MDMA and the Ruta del Bakalao. we opted to sit at a table and order some light meal from the dinner menu. Tapas is not a fish. exclusively Spanish. and certainly alcohol and pot. While waiting. but all we saw were old-looking mayonnaisse-ish salads under a glass cover. with 153 . I had a chance to get the feel of the place. but they were indeed just snacks. My last time in Madrid. I did not look forward to my cross-examination. I suspect. Do you sit at the bar and point? Do you point and then find a table? Do you stake out a table and then browse the bar? We had no idea as to the custom. I stood out of the way of the waiter's traffic. This spot where I was to meet Antonio (the Cuewllas Restaurante at Ferraz #5) was completely charming. The front room where I was seated was the bar/tapas waiting area. They were strange and delicious. for ten minutes (the staff blessed me by ignoring me) and then sat on one of the bar stools and ordered a tinto (red wine). There was a much more personal route that I was offered by my dear friend Antonio. The defendant gets about ten years in prison for the several pills he sold if they contained an officially designated "very harmful" drug (like cocaine or heroin or LSD).La Ruta del Bakalao What drugs are actually involved has never been determined. but the Spanish word for bits. near the door. one was spread with something deep red in color. with Alice. "Raijo" with a 1989 date. the other with something amber colored. I thought I had just eaten my first tapas. The glass was put in front of me. I can only call it La Ruta de las Tapas. who somehow found out that I was going to be in Madrid. Little bits. And he had already spent over two years in prison just waiting for this trial. and was excellent. but I was soon to discover differently. And here I am to argue before three judges (who certainly read newspapers) that MDMA is not a drug that is "greatly harmful" from the health point of view. so instead of doing something wrong and making fools of ourselves. and I was there ahead of him. but nowhere had I seen an actual description of how one goes about it. A small plate with two dollar-sized toasted flakes of French bread were placed alongside it. along with our friends Manuel and Sophia. I have been told that there is a lot of speed. and something like three years if the drug was not officially designated "very harmful" (like pot and hash). the wine poured from an unfamiliar label sporting the appropriate word. I had heard of it before.

In a few minutes Antonio appeared. finely ground and spiced. I learned that this tapas was a rough puree of sea urchin eggs. reflected against a long mirror. never does the wine dictate the food. with the fat included as a flavoring component. and demanded glasses of Chardonnay to come with it. Then. They were a bit salty. and joined me at the bar. There must have been dozens of types. and he assured me that the food dictates the wine. and a generous offering of calvados in a large warmed snifter. This is the Spanish tapas. spoke fine English. This was accompanied by a sharper. bits of goose liver. toasted French bread and a dry wine. Then Antonio ordered the first plate of the bona fide tapas. a small plate of jabon. The wine was cold and excellent. The parking problem was terrible. His mother (striking. Snacks it is not. darker red wine which must remain anonymous since I wasn't paying attention. The finale: an espresso. and he sipped from the glass of red wine that was immediately put in front of him while he looked at the menu. sharply flavored.154 TIHKAL — The Continuation a sealed-off glass counter at the back of the wooden surface. this is the way I would do it. brother (lived . I wondered if it was appropriate to have white wine following red. Feast it is. but if I could. and was the source of my check for the air fare. He ordered a stop-gap plate of the red and cream-colored dollar sized things. For the first time I actually made some personal connection with real people related to the defendant. another with fine narrow strips of white fish crossed with strips of brownish fish. and we went directly to the courthouse. There was a steady ebb and flow of white-jacketed waiters obviously coming from a kitchen and carrying strange foods through the front room and down stairs (there must have been tables there). he said (it is always terrible in downtown Madrid). thin slices of ham from pigs fed exclusively on acorns of a certain type of oak tree. In this area were several plates. fiftyish). I don't think I could manage a daily lunch bill of $70. On the wall at the back of the bar were rows of bottles of brandies and wines. all sparkling. and totally delicious. There followed more delectable mysteries in dark sauce. in a taxi at the front of my hotel at 9:45. the defendant in the case. with a creamy thick spread on each. yet others which were unidentifiable. the other remained unknown. There was a pair of draft beer handles and the bartender would periodically draw a draft into a glass of unusual shape. A plate appeared from the kitchen with six small French bread slices on it. mixed with something. Glasses. Back to the hotel to await the call for the evening consultation. lived in Puerto Rico. but the famous Madrid traffic dictated the meeting to be 10:15. one with a collection of duplicates of the colored chips I had just eaten. I made arrangements to meet Mario. as a final dish. The red proved to be pork loin.

who kept moving her head and eyes about as if looking at everyone in the court. most remarkably. Jaime. with his slightly long hair and scraggly beard. We sat outside and waited while our lead attorney. A quality tapas bar it was not. also with lace on the lower fore-arms. just outside the courtroom. and with white lace wrist pieces coming up almost to the elbow. with an important patch of authority on the left breast. seemed to be asleep most of the time without ever closing his eyes. each with an outer garment cloak that was black and looked like satin. At the front was a U-shaped bench. no English) were all in the lobby in the basement of the courthouse. perhaps 40x40 feet square. Three were up at the same height as the others. stage left. with beads. raised a foot or two above floor level. no makeup at all. tight-lipped mouth with an almost-smile on it. This was the second new interior I'd had the chance to see and describe. I was amazed to hear that challenges to the statements of prosecution witnesses were virtually unheard of. in as many days. with the three magistrate judges sitting facing the audience. They are the authorities. We finally went in. who never participated in any way. and a wrinkled shirt under his cloak. The head tribunal gentleman said OK but in exchange. He was wearing a tie that was not quite in place. then the clinical practitioners. All were in black robes. and then the research scientists). was a dumpling old man with jowls and glasses who. the prosecutor. rather than have them go in individually (the forensic toxicologists. thin girl of around 25. spoke real American) and wife (slightly hippie. respectively. young. And the third. On his right. On the left side. a clean-cut fifty year old with short peppery hair and beard formed into a goatee with an El Greco style white patch from the lower lip down to the chin. but never once made eye contact with anyone. was crossexamining the analytical team as to how they determined what drug was there and in what amounts.La Ruta del Bakalao 155 somewhere in US. stage right. The courtroom was drab. insisted on taking the lead in directing the questioning strategy. round-faced with a small black mustache. On the right. they must come in pairs) to be seated together at the same time. As . Jaime the closest. a roly-poly man with a bushy mustache and a small. and was completely shot down. some were introduced to me as the six experts for one side or the other. The center person was the principal magistrate. He was the only one who did any talking. The intended strategy was to ask the magistrates to allow all the experts (in Spain. People kept coming. the defense attorneys. and I met the young girl who was the court-appointed translator. with a 10x10 foot cage with bullet-proof glass walls located at the middle of the left side to contain a terrorist if one happened to be on trial. Number two and three were. mousy. a broad. One of the analysts started to define MDMA as a highly dangerous drug. was a 40 year old woman with brown hair. at least not with me.

but if MDMA were to be swept into an ugly status. I really blew it on the last question before the coffee/smoking break. the sixth. However. there were few long-term consequences. None of this was to be seen with MDMA. facing the magistrates. I explained that I had understood the question to refer to the body status once the addiction phase had been treated and had become history. I effected damage control my next time at the mike. thus long prison sentencing) or only slightly dangerous (like marijuana and hashish. the defendant might get off for time served. A few slips were made here and there. but not helpfully that. but down at the main floor level. and would never stray again. does addiction to cocaine lead to permanent damage. and had my turn. heroin or LSD. MDMA had never been so classified. there were five lawyers. was then informed by the translator what the question was that the others had answered. The courtappointed translator. and I felt increasingly comfortable. as there was no addiction. to the question. sort of completing a small rectangle. I answered honestly. and the audience was on parallel benches towards the back of the room.156 TIHKAL — The Continuation there were five defendants. The mechanism of question/response was new to me. and each expert in turn took a portable microphone and replied. and I was (I found out) placed in a California-pro-drug-drugs-are-harmless image with my reply. which was one of the first from the prosecutor rather than from the principal magistrate. I had a preview of the length of the response of the others. the six witnesses. I. It was whether I thought that there was any permanent damage resulting from the addiction to cocaine. with the rest of us. The defendants sat behind us with their protective bailiff. I found myself back on the righteous path. So. he just might get another 10 years behind bars. thus short prison sentencing). My translator got the word primer mixed up with primal (I understand a weird sentence came out of that) and toleration and tolerance got garbled somehow. the questions of both the . And we. sat alongside these lower two. except for possible erosion to the nasal mucosa. But more and more. and the remaining two were at a table that was an extension of the three-lawyer branch of the Ushape. during the addiction phase for either cocaine or heroin. sat on a bench and a couple of chairs. there is an extensive deterioration of behavior patterns that was dictated by the compulsive search for a continuing source of drugs. and if it were to fall into a low danger category. The chief magistrate asked a question. I felt very alone. but they were not of my doing. Things really tightened up nicely after that. I knew that the leitmotif of the defense was to build on the known subdivision of drugs in Spanish law as being either highly dangerous (like cocaine. the concession to my ignorance of the Spanish language. Everyone else had knocked cocaine. but not the content.

across the street from the courthouse building at a tapas place called "Rio Freo. But the best was saved for last.000 persons have used MDMA in England alone. and began translating the first line into Spanish." "Pee-kal. He announced that he had just received the most recent. with considerable relish." "Are you familiar with this information reference?" he asked me. It seems that I was the only one who had actually seen people in a clinical setting with known dosages of MDMA of known identity and purity. Is there medical value intrinsic to MDMA? Yes. Has the drug been shown to be dangerously lethal? It has been reliably estimated that up to 5. I did not volunteer to correct this impression. that my face was all over the newspapers and television.000. no. because MDMA had been officially categorized as an only slightly dangerous drug in Spain. besides the anecdotal review of Dr. do you base your opinions?" He had nothing and he became quiet again. I must conclude that MDMA is one of the safest drugs known today." said the prosecutor. no. He asked me if I was familiar with it. who fumed to contradict this (slightly prejudiced) statement. Ron Seigel. The prosecutor finally entered the fray with a treasure that he had obviously been saving up. ." "You are the author?" "Yes. along with the entire witness and law party (the friendly ones at least). but no more severe than a few cups of coffee or some vigorous exercise. and now clinical tests to evaluate that were being designed in several countries. I received a call from a friend in Madrid who informed me." I caught a fleeting smile pass over the face of the principal magistrate (the first human response I had seen from him all day) and within twenty minutes I found myself. from the Spanish Health Council. this is well established. And it was never made obvious that my doctorate was not a medical one. She looked at it. "Translate the title of the publication. Questions such as: should MDMA be in the most dangerous category of restriction? Absolutely not. "Señor el Doctor: on what. And: does MDMA cause a severe cardiovascular crisis? There is a small amount of cardiovascular push. "My wife and I wrote it.La Ruta del Bakalao 157 magistrate and the defense lawyer were directed to me. Six months later. It went: "MDMA. up-to-date literature on MDMA." enjoying a glass of tinto. provided them by UNESCO. The defense lawyer interposed with a nasty question. We had won. This last contribution especially pissed off the medical toxicologist. and with only 5 deaths reported. He gave a sheaf of a few papers to the bailiff to give to the translator. Metilin-dioxi-metamphetamina —" "No.

158 TIHKAL — The Continuation Part Two: Psychedelics and Personal Transformation .

not in social behavior or the ability to think rationally and logically. and to prescribe tranquilizers or. which some people call a transformative process. most people who find themselves in such a state for the first time tend to get frightened. episodes of violent behavior in a usually calm person) or other such symptoms well-known to the mental health community. reassuring and supportive. without warning and having no apparent cause. But what I am talking about in this chapter is a change in perception and perspective. that such an experience does not imply sickness of either mind or body. The primary purpose of these drugs is to re-close the doors which have opened — unplanned and unbidden — between the conscious mind and the unconscious. the altered state would be temporary and second. to a profound change in perception and comprehension. if there are indications of actual mental illness or brain disorder. noticeable changes of personality (for instance." (see acknowledgements) he can at least hope to speak to a therapist of some kind (some psychiatrists are available) who will be understanding. such as intense headaches. anywhere. They tend to treat it the way they would treat psychosis (which this is not). If the person who is undergoing an episode of this nature has heard of the "Spiritual Emergence Network. and not . first. there certainly should be an effort made to contact a psychologist or psychiatrist for an evaluation. It could range from an unfamiliar shift in perspective. too many psychiatrists haven't the slightest idea of how best to handle an experience of this kind. Their fear and anxiety drive out whatever learning might have been possible if they had known from the beginning that. persisting for days and even weeks. Unfortunately. PLACES IN THE MIND (Alice's voice) Some form of alteration of consciousness can happen to anyone. antipsychotic drugs. Understandably. lasting only a few minutes. creating a feeling of disorientation. worse. Of course.Places in the Mind 159 CHAPTER 10.

and that language — when the dream can be remembered at all — is very hard for most people to decipher. but the feelings and emotions that pervade the dream. the approval or disapproval of your conscious mind is of no concern whatsoever to your unconscious. It has its own unpublished schedule. it is hard to know how to handle it. They are the clues to what is being reported. is." Another. most dreams are status quo reports from the unconscious. and how to get something positive out of the experience. its own private plans for the learning and psychic stretching that is to be done. One: except for Big Dreams (as Jung called them) and lucid dreams. how to evaluate it. of course. Three: interpretation is easier if you can keep in mind that the unconscious does not censor according to the rules or mores of your culture or religion.160 TIHKAL — The Continuation treat him as if he's mentally ill. if any. It is important to add here that whether or not a person experiencing this shift in perspective has ever taken a psychedelic drug in the past. As to why these spontaneous shifts in consciousness occur in some people. if you are one of those who find themselves trying to deal with a breakthrough of the unconscious psyche into the everyday field of awareness. tucked away somewhere in what we call the unconscious mind. "To keep learning about the nature of the human mind. "Why go to the bother of remembering or thinking about your dreams anyway?" One answer is simply. the unconscious psyche doesn't seem to be interested in letting the conscious mind know what's going on. there are a couple of things you might remember when trying to understand your own dreams. I would like to make some suggestions about coping with non-drug related alterations of consciousness. it seems to me that the human psyche has its own program. this is not what is called a "flashback." So. Two: the important things about dreams are not usually the symbols or images chosen by the unconscious. Although this isn't a book about dream analysis. Most difficult of all. except that the non-drug eruptions can sometimes last several days." and should not be dismissed as such. Each human psyche has a personal dream language. Genuine flashbacks are described in a later chapter. "To keep myself honest about myself. and often little. These experiences are not necessarily different from those resulting from psychedelic experimentation. however temporarily. while the . four: many people ask. and it isn't possible to accurately interpret somebody else's dreams without knowing him and his symbolic language intimately. And finally. concern about the inconvenience it may cause to have one's customary orientation to the world turned upside down. its job is to tell you what's going on inside you and what emotions are being felt. except in the language of dreams.

Help can be found in the book. above all. so that you can learn as much as possible. If you have a close friend who is available to stay with you until you are through the experience. However. John W.G. C. Stanislav Grof. color and emotional fields. and a chance to go along with whatever is flowing through you. or what you will go through before it comes to an end. and. in managing this experience while it is going on. and Christina Grof. because changes in your perceptions of space and time. there is no way to know why. In the meantime. then eventually. your job — if not immediately. your nearest public library may offer you the greatest variety of answers.Places in the Mind psychedelic breakthroughs usually come to an end when the drug is no longer effective. or help in understanding it after it is over. I tend to believe that the attitude of one's family (and of the society. Stan Grof. most likely in a few hours. Also of value are the writings of Dr. unfamiliar mental place. (If you feel that you need more help than a friend can give. a few days. call him or her and explain that you've suddenly been plunged into a strange. Dr. and Moksha. And the members of the organization known as Subud — if one is listed in your city directory — are also familiar with this territory. Don't expect a friend to interpret anything you're seeing or feeling. and you need the company of somebody who can watch over you with caring.) Whether or not you can find a friend to keep you company for a while. and will be. that you can be depended on to conduct yourself in a way that will not endanger anyone else. Give yourself some quiet and privacy. as are many spiritual teachers of all faiths. Jung. and that this kind of altered state does NOT involve psychotic acting out of any kind. You can reassure your friend. If you find yourself in one of these states. Heaven and Hell. and probably some increased sensitivity to sound. Spiritual Emergency. and making sure that you feel safe in your home. edited by Dr. you can call the Spiritual Emergence Network. Some of us seem more prone to these kinds of breakthroughs than others. since you have no way of predicting how this experience will play itself out. again. That is. without having taken a drug shortly beforehand. as I mentioned before. by listening to what you need to express. might make a normal work day difficult to maintain. Your friend can help you by cooking simple meals when you're hungry. however. And. answering your phone. taking care of your pets. and in the other writings of Dr. and without being judgemental. at most. in which that . Perry and Aldous Huxley's Doors of Perception. there are things you can do. the culture. remember that you're not "stuck." remind your- 161 self that it will pass. If you have no access to such people. you should — if at all possible — excuse yourself from work (there's always a flu bug around to blame). and being quietly supportive.

However. unplanned alteration of his normal consciousness with the least possible degree of anxiety and the maximum amount of learning. every concept. are ways of imposing your own structure on interior chaos. is that it will help you to assimilate the changes you're undergoing. and assured me that it wouldn't last more than a few days. and everyone understands them as being reports from the unconscious. All you have to do is not get in its way. This turned out to be the case. every feeling in body or mind. the possibility of a drift into an altered state could be a lot less frightening to the average person than it would be in this country. or talking into a tape recorder. of being out of control during your altered state. and even then with a mediator — a priest. write everything down as it happens. emotions. to be dealt with for only one or two hours per week. minister or rabbi — running interference. finding words to express what's going on." He told me to learn everything I could while it lasted. In other words. by a wise old psychologist whom I have called Adam. and put them in perspective. a sense of cosmic dimensions within the most ordinary objects. generally speaking. Writing everything down. Here. If you have had feelings of helplessness. or perhaps just deciding it was a good plan to follow. probably due to my unconscious mind having heard Adam's limited-duration prediction. you'll find that focusing your thoughts on the words and phrases that best describe whatever is going on (it doesn't matter whether you use pen and paper or a tape recorder) will gradually bring back a sense of being in charge of what's happening within you and to you. I would add this to Adam's admonition: take notes. every shift of emotion. the spiritual world is considered either non-existent or safely confined to certain designated buildings. give . As much as you can. and a continuing sense of immense meaningfulness — and you're attempting to contain it as much as possible. "What you're going through is a process. and it will. in a country like India. bit by bit. You might also fare better if your family is one in which dreams are often shared. the main value of keeping track of your experience. and believing it.162 TIHKAL — The Continuation family has its place) toward matters non-physical and non-material may have something to do with it. Why? Because you are taking input which is coming at you fast and with great intensity — colors. concepts. he stands a good (or at least better than average) chance of being able to get through a sudden. The notes could be of immense importance to you at some future time. where numerous gods and goddesses are assumed to be involved in human affairs. It was at just such a time in my own life that I was told. When a child grows up among people who are fascinated — not frightened — by all aspects of the human mind.

it is the only way to begin to understand who and what you are. so it is never still. I can only speak with authority about what I know personally. not only as an individual human being. hypnosis or meditation. and you can seek it out and hold onto it when you're facing interior chaos. If. it is a form of spiritual energy. but as a member of your family and community. Many. visionary plants. Beneath this persona. You should emerge from this kind of unexpected stretching of psychic muscles with a feeling of having opened up new dimensions within yourself. or at least close enough to it to allow you to function comfortably in the world again. in all areas of life. the essence of who you are. and it is the awareness of this core Self that will give you a psychic anchor if you should find yourself in a difficult. and you'll be back to your normal baseline. yet it remains the same. Some of these places can infuse you with power and light. The choices you make. and perhaps open yourself to whatever it is that your psyche wants you to discover. somewhere along the way. You must learn your way through each one because only by doing so can you begin to become familiar with the deeper levels of your own psychic interior. You can find yourself (whether you are prepared or not) in a place inside your mind where familiar landmarks are nowhere to be found. anything that will express what you are experiencing and allow you to reshape and restructure it. and an increased awe at the wealth of information that lies below the conscious mind in all of us. The core Self is not a personality.Places in the Mind 163 you a sense of participation to replace the feeling of being victimized. then make use of whatever form of artistic expression you can: clay modeling. is an essence which can never be completely known by another person. others will hold you in terror or sorrow. disorienting place. though not all. all of them wanting to be discovered and explored. for any reason. of my most intense spiritual experiences have been . They form your personality. this is a good time to practice whatever you understand is meant by the word "prayer." asking your own higher Self — or God or your angel — for support. thus helping you regain some sense of control. help define who you are. the shift in consciousness will right itself. however. Alterations of consciousness are inevitable if you are on a spiritual path using psychedelic drugs. it is not a definable. In time. and eventually understood. you cannot or don't want to write or tape. or other methods such as. stable thing. for instance. holotropic breathing. It will enable you to let go of fear. You will always recognize it as yourself. painting. For those who are used to praying. the part of you which other people know. There are treasures of light and treasures of darkness within our souls. guidance and blessing.

a middle and an end. I know there will be an end to the fear or anxiety. . there are no known psychedelic drugs that cause physical dependence or addiction. or taking a walk under the stars. creates an emotional openness and a sense of psychic participation with their fellow dancers. but generally speaking. This is certainly not the highest and best use of these drugs. making love. This means that. There is some question as to whether this state is induced as much by the trance-dancing as by any drugs they might have taken. listening to music can be called escape. middle and end. especially if your view of life and what you call reality is generally grim and sour. I don't mean to imply that "escaping" is in itself wrong or destructive. Let me take a moment here to say that. I'm not so sure. reassuring ways of being in that life. many people who might be called "addictive personalities. the combination of trance-inducing music and a (usually) low dose of MDMA. allowing for a predictable return to everyday life and awareness. All these can be thought of as escapes." and they tend to become psychologically dependent on any number of things. They sometimes experience a degree of euphoria which is absolutely unknown in their everyday lives. moments of intense beauty and wonder as well as the occasional burst of laughter to be had during a psychedelic experience. the two most often heard are that they are addictive and that they are "escapist. The young college-age psychedelic users who take drugs at rave dances might be said to be using them for escape. The same can be said of the numerous other methods by which a person may pursue a deliberate path of spiritual exploration and learning. reading a book. but I have never gone through one that didn't involve some work. uninformed and just plain wrong things that have been said about visionary or psychedelic drugs. of the many inaccurate. especially when it is achieved at no cost or pain to anyone else. I will find myself inevitably rediscovering my normal life and all the familiar. Most exercises taught by such methods have a beginning. if done occasionally and in balance with other aspects of one's life.164 TIHKAL — The Continuation brought about by the use of psychedelics — visionary drugs and plants. This method of learning has one great advantage: the experience has a beginning. the psychedelics do not cause any kind of addiction or dependency. I believe that euphoria is good for you. so can watching television. As the effects of the drug wear off. but whether it is or not. There are. I can say this: there are. from food to gambling. or LSD. After all." As to the first untruth. rather than for psychological or spiritual work. for instance. As to the claim that the psychedelics are escapist drugs. of course. indeed. in the opinion of some. For many of the dancers at a rave. no matter how difficult my passage through a particular interior place may be.

each psychedelic . aside from dampening erotic response in both Shura and me. instead. Shura and I were home on the Farm. only Dante and Ginger were absent. no matter how positive the psychedelic experience. trying to come to terms with some aspect of my interior universe that makes me uncomfortable. has always meant working.) This may be the moment to emphasize that the drug or visionary plant does not. For some of these young adults. As far as I'm concerned. companionship and hope. and my return to consensual reality — so-called ordinary life — has always been a pleasure. Escape is precisely what they have never given me. life in most of the world's big cities. in itself. Psychedelic exploration. I had taken 35 mgs. they can experience trusting fellowship with many others. There. the psychedelic experience can serve to renew their sense of meaningfulness and put them back in touch with wonder and joy. this material was not one of the great favorites. a few reported having had a hard time with it. in a dancing situation which threatens no one and can. But.Places in the Mind 165 Most of the dancers at rave parties have spent a good part of their lives living in big cities. none of this adds up to a threat to society. and found it generally friendly. and most of the research group was with us. INFLATION (THE PRIESTESS) I can still remember vividly the day I stepped into the inflation place. but it hadn't given me any particular difficulties before the time of this experiment. the cosmos and whatever it is we call God. (For most researchers. the only time they can let anxiety and fear of the stranger drop away is at a rave. For those whose everyday lives are not happy or fulfilling. trying to dig out answers to basic questions about the nature of the world. In fact. contain any particular experience. dealing with insights into my own past or present behavior which may be disturbing. since under its influence she produced more expressive and dynamic paintings than usual. and I had taken 42 milligrams about half an hour before. demands continual caution and suspicion when one is outside the home. I have had well over a thousand exposures to these particular chemical tools. (which is short for 2. then.5-dimethoxy-4cyclopropylmethylthiophenethylamine). and they are not used to trusting or feeling affection towards strangers. I am blessed in having a good life to return to. as a rule. open their hearts and give them a feeling of pleasure. One researcher loved it. The experimental material was 2C-T-8. and 40 mgs. In previous trials. for me.

and each of us had wandered off to find the right place in which to ride out the transition phase. still green after the winter rains. hands in his pockets. their fingers interlaced. a half-circle paved with red bricks. Before me was a wide view of hills. foot wants to tap. pausing to look at a bunch of daffodils in a vase. I could see the faint brown line of a fog-blurred horizon and. for instance. holding hands. brought out a pack of cigarettes. tasting the way it does only in early spring. talking to Shura about their favorite subject and mutual passion — chemistry — and I saw through the dining room windows that Leah and Ben were heading down the path which leads to the old cow barn. as they often did during this stage. and after a while it'll be hard to remember how beautiful the hills were in spring. I stepped outside and closed the front door quietly behind me. stretched both arms skyward. I reached into a pocket of my long grey-blue caftan. I walked down the short dirt path to what we call the barbecue patio. Lots of body energy. any moment now. especially with a drug that was new to them. no question. I kept my gaze focused on the curve of hill across the highway from us. I straightened my back briefly. Suddenly it was there. Having walked through the house long enough to reassure myself that nobody was having problems. and relaxed again into a comfortable slump. Better appreciate that color while we still have it. Looking beyond the hills. The air was fresh and sweet. John was moving slowly through the house. Well. so far. peering at book covers. radiating through every cell — pure power. I was sitting upright on a low . dotted with live oak trees. what you encounter is part of yourself. Whole body wants to tap! Okay. set against a slope planted with ivy and geraniums. the pale blue of the sky. deep in the gut. I'm feeling it. The sensation was on me before I had a chance to track it from its beginning as a burst of euphoria. I did what I usually prefer to do during transition.166 TIHKAL — The Continuation drug simply makes it possible to open interior doors through which that experience might emerge. where a large cluster of trees glowed like dark sculpture against a background of bright green. whether the drug is an old friend or a new one: I looked for a place to be by myself. The doors opened by DMT tend to be quite different than those opened by mescaline. On the low brick wall at the bottom of the slope. to the north. Ruth and George were on the couch. above it. and lit one. though. clinking glasses and blessing each other. I found David seated at the dining room table. but once you are through those doors. I found myself a place. the yellowing of the grass will begin. brushed a few twigs and leaves off the surface and sat down. Our group had already gone through the ceremony of gathering in a circle.

but somehow it just didn't get written. there was no confusion anywhere in my head. I disliked it — no. I know anyone else coming out here would feel this power. I had taken it as a warning: this was an aspect of myself that I had to keep under control. And now. I hated it — all those years ago. just as there was no illness or weakness within my body. I had considered including it. filling me. A few minutes before. full of knowledge and power. I'll have to gentle it out. my everlovin' God! This is what's meant by a bliss state. during the early hours of the peyote day. and as I turned my head to say something to Sam. blazing with the fullness of this form of myself. after all this time. it's too strong to be hidden. noticing that. here I was. It was a picture of supreme intellectual and spiritual arrogance. filled with livingness and knowledge. I was full of strength and knowing. I was ashamed of it. Maybe I'll be lucky and no one will come. radiating light and energy. here I am. That's inflation. dressed in long robes — there was an impression of purple and blue — with a circlet of gold around my head. I sat quietly. tap feet. it was the one and only thing I had left out of the description in PIHKAL of my first real psychedelic experience — with peyote — around thirty years earlier. infinitely wise.Places in the Mind brick wall. I was complete. energy pouring into me. made me uncomfortable because it remained part of my dark side. All I need in the world is myself. if somebody turns up. especially during psychedelic sessions. It brought with it a quieting of the desire to move around. although my mind was suffused with something you'd have to call intense pleasure. squirm on my ledge. 167 Oh. while Sam Golding and I had been lying side by side on my bed. and I had finally acknowledged to myself that it still. I'm a body of energy. and all of me was open to it. l am . dispensing wisdom. and although it was visible for only a few seconds. each thought was distinct and clear. An image rose in my mind. there's no question in the universe that I can't find the answer to. seated on a throne. and I still needed to keep an eye on it occasionally. somehow. That's what my Priestess is. What if somebody came out here to join me? Or even just to make sure I was all right? Don't want to scare people. seated above the rest of humanity. Now. I was The Priestess. and that I could continue being utterly sufficient unto myself — should I choose to stay in this place. clear on the mind's screen. we had both slipped into the full magic of the peyote world. knowing I needed nothing else and nobody else. my mind is like crystal. living in this serene rhythm. in this state. I saw an image of myself. It had risen suddenly. The energy pulsed softly. A tiny concern nibbled at the edge of the magnificence. here it is.

Because she would have no use for anyone else in the world. Q. and the sense of wholeness. makes love with Shura. swimming in this ocean of energy. does it feel GOOD! What a fantastic place to be in. a dialogue began. slow washing out of the magnificent state. of course. Then why is there a faint uneasiness? A. Nothing. Goodbye. Great and Wonderful Lady! Hope to see you again. So what are you going to do? A. and maybe only once. feeling glowing streamers of the Priestess still clinging to my soul. Q. interacts with the world.168 TIHKAL — The Continuation SHE. this state? A. I love Shura. delivering eternal truths. Finally. Looking back on that day. being a superhuman force. even if only for a moment. So we let the Priestess go. thrumming. the obvious question comes to mind: what would have happened if I had chosen to stay in the Priestess? I suspect that. I might well have acted out of that archetype. does damn well have its points! Q. Why not? A. I prefer the version of me that likes people. And I enjoy relating to people. A part of me detached itself sufficiently from the radiance to ask questions and listen for answers from yet another part. Q. I'm going to get out of the Priestess. of utter fulfillment. then. to the considerable disturbance of the rest of the group — making pronouncements. to reconnect with Shura and our friends. What's wrong with that? A. really. I stood up and walked slowly toward the house. It's absolute heaven. perhaps. just basking. being a friend. the energy. a subtle. Now that the decision had been surely and firmly made. within the hour. What can possibly be negative about this place. But. and they like me being human. in the midst of the glory. exercising my power and wis- . This Priestess just isn't the person I want to become in this life. In the meantime. someday. just for a little while. Q. like a vibrant watercolor painting being held under a fine misting spray. drifting out of that place. my mind diamond dear. is the most wonderful. the one that mothers my kids. and my children. delicious — I wonder if I can stay here forever. boy. I would have found myself coming down. Q. I was able to immerse myself in what was left of the euphoria. eventually understanding that I could not stay there forever. But it's pretty good. Q. And you won't regret leaving all this behind? A. Somewhere. just being the usual me. barely contained in a human body. and I hope I can feel it again. Because the Priestess is not what I've chosen to be. Yes. for a few minutes before there came a gradual softening of the image. I'll regret it.

and ideally results from a process of questioning. By "working through. It can be part of a state of inflation. the seductiveness of that aspect of yourself. of complete conviction that your view of something (or everything. the person you have chosen to be. just like everyone else. a sibling. Stay in the inflation place for a while. then let it gradually subside. This aspect of yourself will help to ground you. is a common experience to all adults. In gaining familiarity with it. for that matter) is the ultimate truth. If possible. Stay alone. evaluating and eventually confirming.or himself. seductive as it might feel. This is the version of you that interacts and relates and listens to others. the part of you that watches and keeps track and learns. go to some place where you can be alone. can and often does happen when you're under the influence of a psychedelic drug. totally self-sufficient being which you have become is valid. let yourself begin to pay attention to your Observer. The same feeling of absolute certainty. by contrast. Even if I had experienced an hour or two of genuine inspiration. it cannot replace your usual. It's part of living. Understand that.Places in the Mind dom. 169 CERTAINTY AND KNOWING Absolute certainty. powerful. a friend. a parent. as I've described above. a feeling of knowing without any doubt what is true and not true about some particular thing. and admits to occasional mistakes. you begin to understand. the one that is a social being. After you've spent a bit of time enjoying the sensations and feelings. Playing the part of a seer — even for only a few minutes — isn't exactly the way to encourage your friends to feel relaxed and intimate in your company. in the midst of the euphoria. testing. The value of working through it is in the fact that it forces you to face the temptation. normal self. and it is not what you have chosen to be in your everyday life. and certainly doesn't want to see it in her. the one that has relationships. but it is only one version of yourself. and I believe it's essential that it be experienced and worked through by anyone who wants to know all he can about the nature of his (and everybody else's) mind and psyche. the expression of it would probably have caused no less discomfort to those around me. Recognize that this illuminated. who doesn't like arrogance in others." I mean simply letting yourself go fully into the experience. The Priest or Priestess is an archetype within the human unconscious." non-inflated personality you have developed throughout your life. or . enjoying the sense of power and wisdom and complete selfsufficiency. the validity and value of the "normal. let it fill you with its energy. and generally making an ass of myself. resist the temptation to communicate with others during the height of this marvelous state. by yourself. Resonate with it. but doesn't get swept away by feelings or emotions.

" If it remains a feeling and only a feeling. you're lucky. because it should pass within a relatively short time. during a psychedelic session. like a genuine experience of Truth. when the inflation-certainty wears off with the drug effect. I call it the Void. and review the certainties of the day before. THE VOID This is one of the terrible places. or some new (to you) concepts that have validity. it might lead to suicidal impulses in a sensitive person because . someone else is sure to be familiar with it and can help you make your way through. If it comes to you as part of a psychedelic experiment. it is not only extremely frightening. There is a real problem associated with this sense of "knowing. Enjoy the feeling. you might find yourself saying things to those around you (for instance." when it is part of a psychedelic experiment. The rule has to be: under the influence of a drug. and tell others around you that you are experiencing a delicious inflation. that absolute knowing? The only reasonable answer I can give is this: wait until you wake up the next morning. they will have lasted through the night. is or is not actually valid? Can you ever trust that certainty. here comes the really hard question. there is no question that your evaluation of whatever it is you feel certain about fills you with a sense of absolute "lightness. indeed. and you will be able to enjoy them all over again in the morning. Now. do not make pronouncements about anything at all. arrived at some solid truths. or stay with them and just keep your mouth shut and your strong. wise opinions to yourself. and presumably with your normal common sense and humor restored. While it takes different forms for each person. You will be deeply grateful later. If it happens spontaneously — without any drug use — as it sometimes does out of the blue. analyzing the personalities of your friends) which you may regret intensely several hours later. do not write a letter and mail it. only this time without the inflation. How can you know if your certainty about something. because it involves facing a total loss of any sense of meaning. It feels good (certainty usually feels good).170 TIHKAL — The Continuation it might be just a momentary burst of enthusiastic self-validation. at the time. presumably at baseline. Your soul has no doubt at all. the essentials of the experience tend to be the same. however. If you act on it. If you are in the company of other experienced travelers. then either leave the company of your friends until the all-knowingness begins to mellow out. If you have. do not make a phone call. but the trouble is that it also feels. it can be enjoyable — like any other aspect of inflation — and will do no harm.

It is no more the complete truth about life than Adolf Hitler and Vlad the Destroyer are the complete truth about the nature of the human race." is a bit different. and you should get the smell of it. You might find yourself able to be of help to some of them. or let all of them parade through your mind. the hopeless place. My own is this: "meaningfulness" is the sense that everything that exists has a purpose. if you know the territory and have found your way out of it. dirty and senseless. that what he is seeing and feeling is the basic truth about the world he lives in and the cosmos at large." or "meaningfulness. newborn babies being welcomed and adored by their parents. your chosen good images. stuck in that hopeless.Places in the Mind whoever finds himself in this particular place is always convinced. the music you like to hear. if not drug-induced. but sometimes for years. a return to color and light — you should seek psychiatric help as soon as possible. with all of yourself. because there are medications that will bring you back to normalcy. to the exclusion of everything else. The second thing to remember is that you have no obligation to stay in this dark place. See them clearly. with no mental health professional or spiritual advisor available. is usually seen by the medical profession as a form of acute depression. Concentrate on one of these. and if there appears to be no progression towards some kind of resolution — a way out. or whatever else you can remember of the beauty and joy in life. will begin to disintegrate. give them power by saying Yes to them. meaningless state. among others: a large number of people all over the world find themselves. This state of mind. Keep in mind that acute depression is most probably the result of chemical imbalance in the brain. and the only emotions you experience are sorrow and total hopelessness. and can be treated. color will gradually replace the dull grey. . The Void. you must remember: it is not the final truth about the universe you live in. One way to get free of this place is by focusing intently on certain images: perhaps the Laughing Buddha. and that each of us — along with every other form of life — is playing an important part in that story. Everybody's definition of "meaning. You have to know that it exists. the deep pleasures of planting and harvesting. perhaps for days. If it persists beyond one day. or your favorite mental picture of Jesus the Christ. that there is a great story being told throughout the universe. but only a small part. that all life is absolutely meaningless. If you have taken a psychedelic or visionary drug and find yourself in the Void (which has also been called the Sorrow Place or the Valley of the Shadow of Death) where everything feels gray. and meaningfulness will return. your own loving of your mate or your children. at least 171 temporarily. let them radiate light within you. for this reason. it's a genuine part of what is.

and it's changing your perceptions. and evaluates without emotion (although it does. you may simply have to wait until it wears off." and — ideally — an increased interest in understanding the deep-seated reasons for the shift that your mind took into distrust and suspicion. You'll probably emerge from the drug effect with a greater understanding of what is called psychological "projection. It's a part of your psyche. or worse. whether the drug involved is marijuana or something else. It should tell you something like this: "You have taken a drug. bad. The Observer is always present. In other words. Also. to regard yourself as undesirable. If you find yourself feeling paranoid during a psychedelic experience. and you must call it in. worthy of punishment. at times. remember it's there for you to use. try to activate your Observer. have a subtle sense of humor). consider the possibility that you are experiencing a one-time-only (it is to be hoped) exposure to a certain potential within all human beings to see their surroundings as dangerous. it has to do with projections from deep within your unconscious mind. there are certain things to keep in mind. the part of you that watches. and senses danger everywhere — and what you're seeing has nothing to do with the truth about your friends or how they feel toward you. Don't get trapped in this negativity and distrust. and simply have to avoid exposing themselves to it. the sky — is a projection upon the outside world of negative judgements made upon yourself. some part of you has learned. learns." Naming the state as paranoia does help you regain objectivity. Just ride It out. for that matter. some (myself among them) do not outgrow this particular effect of the plant. However. This is what you are seeing in the hostile faces of your friends or the menacing plants in your garden: a projection of the feelings of that judge and jury you have residing deep . you'll know first-hand what is meant by paranoid thinking. reminding yourself continually that it's all the effect of a drug which is not friendly to you. First. it's an aspect of your Survivor — the corner of your soul that assumes it's still living in the jungle. probably in childhood. remember that the perceived anger or disapproval — whether you feel it coming from people or trees or. to be rather obvious about it. remembering not to act on the suspicion and fearfulness. or words said to you. if you are seeing menace or hatred in the faces of people you know and love. A single experience of paranoia under these circumstances can be of great value to you.172 PARANOIA TIHKAL — The Continuation This unpleasant state often strikes people who experiment with marijuana. tucked away in the unconscious mind. For one thing. No matter what drug you've taken. and it'll fade in a while. and which you may not want to experiment with again. If you are perceiving hostility in faces looking at you. it can occur with any psychedelic or visionary drug.

though seldom with all. if it is overwhelming and intense enough. and the researcher is not experienced. patience. The damaged self- . humor and tolerance for yourself? In most psychedelic sessions. is not coming from a perspective of balance and fairness. And by "potentially damaging. usually called a "babysitter. If the feeling of paranoia disturbed you with its intensity. SELF-HATRED For certain psychedelic explorers. Your Observer should be able to tell you (if you'll listen). and what takes its place is usually a mellow. The question you must ask yourself. understanding. good-humored self-acceptance. and just plain love? Don't I deserve as much of these as any friend of mine? Watch and listen to the words and phrases you're using against yourself.Places in the Mind inside you. 173 Allow the paranoia to become a teaching about that part of your psyche and. discuss with others what you experienced. paranoia. to diffuse the potentially damaging selfrejection." There should be someone present who can spot trouble and move in with sympathy and common-sense. but from some part of you that has been programmed — probably by parents." I mean that. that your first experiment with a new (to you) psychedelic drug should always be in the company of an experienced guide. But it is because of the possibility of an eruption of childhoodprogrammed self-condemnation. peers. when the drug session is over. to dig up that selfdestructive unconscious programming and to consciously put it to rest. if you can. there seems to be an early stage during which the overwhelming sense is one of self-rejection. and is usually part of the transition phase (from ingestion to full effect). only the failures and inadequacies. persistently. in some cases. why am I doing it to myself? Where is compassion. this stage passes within the first hour. there can be an impulse to self-destruction. it can happen with a number of psychedelics. Where did you learn it. or other authority figures in your childhood — to make harsh and unforgiving judgements of yourself. or its cousin. is: would I judge a good friend with this much implacable negativity? And if I wouldn't pass sentence on a dear friend this way. and how can you supplant it with love. For these people. and ask just where this hostility could have come from. in the case of selfhatred. that this kind of focus on only the warts. the strength of the negativity can be extreme enough for it to be called selfhatred. perhaps consider going into therapy. Again — as with paranoid thinking — self-observation and simple logic can help get you through it.

both inside and outside. possessed again of a sense of balance and humor and love for the totality of who and what he is. no matter where one is. ground-breaking book. most complete form. This experience will probably make a permanent change in his way of seeing his world. Young people who take psychedelic drugs solely for the purpose of partying and dancing at raves may indeed experience some of the heartopenness and warmth of feeling. The experienced traveler is certain. Silent Spring. if he gives himself whatever compassion he can and a little time. because he's already gone through some version of this self-rejection and he's probably done some insight work and has come to understand this kind of eruption of self-loathing. THE OCEANIC EXPERIENCE This is also known as participation mystique in the words of the great Mircea Eliade. Only when you are forced to acknowledge what you've been taught to believe about yourself. can you begin the work necessary to the eventual transformation of your inner Beast into a Prince or Princess. For the serious explorer. and he knows that it isn't even remotely the real nature of his soul. to many people who experiment with psychedelics. The value of going through this horrible place is in coming face to face with childhood conditioning which has remained unconscious until opened up by the drug. and visual fun and games associated with some of these drugs. it will happen. the dark state of self-hatred will dissipate and he'll find himself where he wants to be. it seems best to have quietness. where the negative program originated. or has a pretty good idea. For that place to open. (almost always by parents and almost always unwittingly). and no human being can tolerate living with an image of himself that is everything he hates and loathes. if it is time for the oceanic experience to happen. including the body of the . there are no firm rules about the human psyche. However. empathy with others. It happens. it's usually one of the first places he'll find within himself. but in the psychedelic experimentation of the 1960's. Experience has taught him that. I've discovered recently that I'm not the only psychedelic traveler who takes for granted that the beginning of the modern ecological awareness movement was not in Rachel Carson's important. and to be in natural surroundings. but they might not undergo the oceanic experience in its fullest. This state is characterized by a sense of connection — emotionally and spiritually — with all other living things.174 TIHKAL — The Continuation image is believed to be the ultimate truth. particularly his natural surroundings. in one form or another. It's as hard to find the right name for this state as it is to do it justice in words. Suicide is not liable to be a threat in the case of a person who is experienced with various psychedelics.

Lay open to my probing sense. One of the lasting effects of this experience is a sense of the livingness of everything around you. and you will find yourself participating in their emotions. and knew at last The How and Why of all things. It is here. before you are healed by joy and love. a growing sense of joy/euphoria/bliss. There is a rare (at least. Vincent Millay. This bliss state does not negate the suffering you have participated in. deep darkness on one side and an infinite stretch of light on the other. the dearness and even sacredness of all forms of life.. on this knife-edge inside us. It is a deeply spiritual alteration of consciousness. without the aid of drugs or any other tools. everywhere in the world. it includes and contains it.. crying. The sorrow is that of all living things caught in pain. It is a place of exquisite joy. among the people I know) and more profound form of this experience which may involve you first in sorrow.. . fear and loss. and forevermore. You may find yourself on a cosmic knife-edge. I believe. animals and insects appear as contributors to an immense tapestry of life. And present. even when it has happened without warning or anticipation. "Renascence. and with it. "No hurt I did not feel. Edna St. including those you have never personally liked. you feel immense gratitude for being alive and able to participate in an extraordinary natural system which is suffused with wisdom and an all-encompassing love. The oceanic experience has happened upon people unexpectedly. After being in this place for a time. probably from the beginning of our species. boundless love permeating everything that exists.Places in the Mind 175 planet itself.I saw and heard. met an answering cry From the compassion that was I." Here are three brief passages from different parts of a very long work: ". while simultaneously experiencing your own agonizing pity and compassion. cleft to the core.. that laughter is born. The poet. and I have never heard or read of anyone who has regarded it as other than a priceless gift. mine each last breath That. feeling what they feel. you will begin to be aware of an immense. described the more complete form of it in her superb poem. past. no death That was not mine. The universe. of which you yourself are a treasured and essential part. and an abiding respect for them and their right to exist alongside you on the Earth. All plants... with your soul balancing between vast.

The heart can push the sea and land Farther away on either hand. of a kind far different from anything that can be understood intellectually. the news of the extinction of yet another species of animal or plant — however inevitable — brings a wave of regret bordering on sorrow. The person who has been in this place knows to his marrow that he is part of nature. To such a person. long before man came along to accelerate the process.. If you find yourself opening to this experience. so he knows that some part of his psyche is connected to it." Under the influence of ." I believe that it is impossible for a person who has found himself in this place of the soul to ever again think of a tree as just another "crop. and that this is true of every living thing in the world. and you will recognize it as such by the time it ends. as when the hearing of a certain sound induces the visualization of a certain color. because the entire process is a gift of Grace. He has felt the edges of that planet-consciousness. you will not need your Observer at all. Above the world is stretched the sky. And let the face of God shine through. to consider building a house without first listening to the sounds of insects and birds and the rustling of small ground animals in the field he is planning to invade. SYNAESTHESIA For people who experiment with psychedelics. the great body beneath our feet.176 TIHKAL — The Continuation "The world stands out on either side No wider than the heart is wide. He knows that species have been born and later extinguished countless times in the history of this planet. and that the Earth itself.. No higher than the soul is high. but he feels the loss as he would the death of a fascinating acquaintance whom he had hoped to get to know more intimately. The definition of synaesthesia in one dictionary is: "A sensation produced in one modality when a stimulus is applied to another." to deliberately set out to kill a wild animal without sending to that animal a conscious thought of respect and regret at having to take its life. not separate from it. this can be one of the most impressive and enjoyable aspects of the experience. The soul can split the sky in two. is a living entity with a consciousness all its own. whether it begins with suffering or goes directly to love and bliss.

In the dream — as in a psychedelic state — the experience is that of feeling the two as one entity. flower and fruit. which is exceedingly hard to do when awake. impactful dream which awakens the dreamer when it ends. The taking of a psychedelic or visionary plant simply makes this interweaving of sensory modalities apparent to the conscious mind. not only can music present itself to the listener in all shades of color. At its top. but the reverse can also be true. artists and musicians may have experiences of synaesthesia while they are focusing intently on their work. G. a trance state. the column flared out to become a shallow bowl. simultaneously. There are sometimes such exotic interpretive changes as feeling emotions as textures. which were also. To put this image in context. round. It is something that all human minds do. detailed and extraordinary. succulent fruits with red. without any drug having been involved. I was standing in a garden. Jung defined as a powerful. if he is inclined to explore new dimensions of his interior world. probably because the creative experience usually involves an alteration of consciousness. resonant and meaningful. the receptivity and curiosity of the user. I had a Big Dream (the kind that C. and synaesthesia underlies all forms of creativity. the rest of the dream involved my aboutto-be-born daughter. but my amazement — when I woke up — was at the ability of my dreaming mind to accept without difficulty the merging of two states of plant life. often for life). Many years ago. The entire dream was vivid. coral and purple colors. The degree to which synaesthesia is experienced under the influence of a psychedelic depends on the nature of the drug. There was no division or difference between the two expressions of the plant. Within that bowl I could see what I knew to be flower-fruits. in all degrees of brightness and subtlety. who appeared as a young woman named Ann (which I of course named her when she arrived). In my dream. Here are a few excerpts from a letter written by a gentleman named Dan Joy: "Synaesthesia is rich. and finally. slender golden column. flowers. he will pay more attention to unusual and unexpected juxtapositions which may occur when his unconscious mind has the freedom to play these kinds of games with sensory input. Poets.Places in the Mind 177 most psychedelic drugs. usually unconsciously. colors can translate themselves into sound. And it is . and intellectual concepts as three-dimensional shapes. the dosage level at which the drug is taken. and stays in memory for a long time. they were flowerfruits. shortly before the birth of my first daughter. looking up at a tall. Synaesthesia sometimes occurs in dreams. but only in a symbolic sense. It is possible to get the intellectual concept of such a merging when one is awake.

It is known that smells vividly awaken the full sensory spectrum of memory. both sounds and colors have 'tones' and 'overtones. can be 'bright' or 'dark. sonic tones. but I have never personally heard or read of such negative kinds of synaesthesia. and — since for most users marijuana is a social drug — he has probably been through one of those hilarious sessions where everything seemed tremendously funny to everyone involved. It may have something to do with the release of the usual social constraints which hinder most adults — at least in our western culture — in their . self-contained cluster of anomalies.' language which synaesthetically connects them also to the kinesthetic and visual-spatial sensoria. this is a place of great enjoyment and soul-satisfaction. sometimes accompanied by little musical notes. etc. you have the wiggly lines signifying motions or the lines splaying out from a trumpet. minds and souls.. and people were laughing about the smallest. perhaps in nightmares or certain schizophrenic states. For me. particularly psilocybin. Marijuana is famous for inducing this kind of hilarity. but it can happen to users of other psychedelic drugs. or think we perceive. auditory and emotional aspects.' sound tones can be 'high' or 'low. perceptual. revealing an underlying synaesthetic sense in our language. signifying its blast. synaesthetically inclusive of visual. like color-spectral ones.' as do emotions. sensory. after all. it gives rise to a multitude of questions about the nature of the reality we perceive. Furthermore. The human psyche seems to enjoy this melding of the senses. For instance. All the 'separate' sensory channels. There are some people in this world who live with synaesthesia all the time. cognitive. experience — not a distinct. LAUGHTER Anybody who has enjoyed marijuana has had the giggles. Drug experiences and phenomena are inseparable from the matrix/spectrum of human mental.. and the workings of our brains.. feed into the same brain." Synaesthesia produces a sense of pleasure in everyone I know who has experienced it. and often does. silliest remarks or events until they were gasping for breath. they apparently consider themselves among the luckiest human beings on the planet.178 TIHKAL — The Continuation everywhere. I'm sure there are synaesthetic experiences which are dark and frightening. The vocabularies used for the different sensory modalities overlap. In cartoons.

and should be treasured. but it could also be thought of as a long-lasting threshold. in child or adult. will cry. sarcastic and cruel. Death and Life. an illustration of what it is to stand on the knife-edge between Dark and Light.Places in the Mind expression of a good many of their feelings. We have experienced it only with a drug called Aleph-7. and all that's needed is the willingness to open the door and step through. But there are many kinds of laughter: bitter. quiet. not only are repressed sorrows and angers sometimes released. to put it more accurately. And then again. So what is humor? A baby." or "laughter. The physical response may be basically the same. choppy. The Laughing Buddha is an archetype. so is humor and laughter. The question always comes up. we in the West learn to keep it to ourselves a good deal of the time. it's inside every one of us mortals. perhaps Aleph-7 is the only drug that opens that particular door in the psyche. spasmodic physical response to humor. This is cosmic laughter. And no matter how silly it may seem in retrospect. or a psychedelic which can serve the same purpose. Most of us have a lot of laughter inside us. triggering an irresistible urge to open the throat and mouth and emit the odd staccato sound that expresses our pleasure. but after childhood. among many other good things. . Under the influence of these drugs. One doesn't have to be a Buddha to know that place. perhaps there are others we don't know about. Laughter. The older child learns to suppress the startle response in favor of allowing something new and interesting into her world. as well as joyful and celebratory. When we talk about "humor. a bout of real laughter can strengthen the immune system. half pain and half bliss. Or. to feel it and chew on it. when startled by a clown doll popping out of a box. and to survey the universe from there. she laughs and reaches out to grab the clown. THE BETH STATE Shura's name for this rare place is the Beth state." most of us are thinking of that explosion of champagne bubbles that rises through stomach and chest. and Shura often wonders if it is exclusively a property of that particular material. or Yes and No. or simply the need to assert power and control. sometimes seems to be the result of this very rapid shuttling between fear and pleasure. His notes include the following: "Slow start at one hour. We let it loose 179 — along with our sense of the ridiculous — when we've had some drinks which relax us. but the emotions that give rise to dark laughter are despair and anger. eventually: what is laughter? It's a strange.

since there are no visual changes. with every person who finds himself in this particular place in the mind. I'm being flooded by too much information and I am attempting to get grounded by having this silly conversation with myself. intense input.180 TIHKAL — The Continuation Walking feels strange at three hours and twenty minutes. though. It can also happen at a perfectly reasonable dosage level." If you can manage to see humor in anything you're experiencing. all coming at you from your friendly neighborhood cosmos. for three to four hours. the Beth state is one in which you are aware of being in an altered state of consciousness. It must be remembered. Watch yourself walking. then stand up and. The previous hour or so not unpleasant. the sense of core identity. no way to place the intoxication. might be hard to maintain. FLOODING This can be one of the consequences of taking too high a dose of a psychedelic drug. no colorful patterns appearing in the mind. and what you are attempting to do. it means that the capacity for experiencing the Beth. and there you stay. Something like this might result: "I am Jacob Smith." In summary. concepts and connections. The only negative that could possibly be associated with the Beth place is the fear of dying of boredom. that if any single drug can elicit such a response as the Beth state. At four and a half hours. open your eyes (if you had them closed). what your immediate situation is. but the general feeling is one of being flooded by meaningful connections between everything in the universe and everything else. The ego. You find yourself bombarded by a torrent of images. remember first of all that it's temporary. of course. or simply need to recover your sense of identity and a bit more control over the experience. the sense of Self might be lost in the roaring noise of continual. If you find yourself in this state. it can be overwhelming. is intrinsic to the human mind. At least. and talk to yourself. trying your best to focus on what your body is doing. just without definition. but you can't pin down exactly how you know. The details of the experience will vary. that is the case with Aleph7. but to the naive experimenter. too. might manage to relax and enjoy the complexities of the onslaught. for finding oneself in such a place. . no emotional stimulation. using your Observer to remind you of who you are. but there are no handles. but it is far less likely. I took so-and-so milligrams of Whatchamacallit approximately an hour and a half ago. start moving around. knowing that this. transition to a more familiar altered state. If you find it impossible to relax and swim with the roaring river. no nuthin'. a feeling of something impending. And there it stays. quite pleasant. will pass. An experienced traveler.

It's a piece of God. that your dosage level of the drug was probably too high). One of the things you may be left with from this experience will be a new appreciation of what it means to live your life with a goal. What you should be aiming for in such an experience is this: maintaining your sense of identity. of becoming part of the cosmos. so beloved of individuals in the Western world. I couldn't agree more. There's a difference between an experience of overload or flooding. must be able to let the persona drop away at will. an intent of some kind to help channel your energies and thoughts. that "Me and I" thing. You may have hours of relative unease and mental overload still ahead of you. When you can feel your own presence. and one of mystical participation. Your instincts tell you when it's overload. you feel under attack. anyone who wants to develop as a human being. while allowing the images and concepts and energies that are bombarding you to be what they are. There's been much written over the years about the spiritual benefits of having your ego dissolve. as a soul. a focus. you've recaptured the thread that will lead you back to your Self. it should be your anchor. the oceanic experience — whatever you choose to call it — comes as a natural . your knowledge that you are a being distinct from other beings and from the world that surrounds you. and the place to which you return. is not a burden. I'm not comfortable with the way that concept is usually stated. as tiny as a molecule and as large as infinity. of losing track of your own existence. whose definition of "Ego" is being used? If what is meant is the "persona. the flow of universal spiritual energies. to flow through you and past you. and the crashing flood of information will eventually become a trickle. After a while. "I'm here." the social face that all of us develop — and sometimes mistake for the real person inside — then yes. On the other hand. to go where they are going. too much. But the Self.Places in the Mind 181 and especially if you can smile or laugh at yourself. in order to have the experience of dissolving into the stream of life. but if you can feel even the slightest little spurt of humor. without the encumbrance of that separate identity. the kernel of continually moving energy that is your essence. For one thing. of course. the core of you. you've won your battle. the place from which you launch into the interior cosmos. that terrible Ego. I'm ME. the experience of mystical participation. I believe. will gradually subside. and unable to learn anything of value (except. overwhelmed by too much." (never mind good grammar) your fear of dissolving into your surroundings. everything will begin to soften and quiet. when you can say to yourself. to lose touch with it. It isn't necessary. of losing your sense of Self and experiencing the River of Life.

and yet again. living alone in the woods of Northern California. If flooding happens spontaneously. without a drug being involved. in other words — ask that person to help you. I have heard of first-time psychedelic explorers who found themselves trapped in what they were sure was eternity. can teach you about that place in the psyche. at least. right away. a compression of time. with no way out. she says she will never take a psychedelic drug again. took LSD (dosage level unknown) for the first time. If you find yourself in this state. especially when trying a new level of a compound. It can also make clear to you why. having taken no drug at all. and that is to . This is not usually disturbing to the traveler. Almost all of these drugs cause changes in one's time-sense. and if it lasts more than 24 hours. but if the input is tolerable and can be handled by other means. TIME DISTORTION This is one of the most common effects of a psychedelic drug. the experience that I call flooding is another reminder of why experienced researchers in the area of psychedelics always try to have another person. but an eternity had passed during those hours of consciousness change. less is indeed more. If you happen to know of an older psychedelic explorer who has not only experience but also some degree of wisdom — a wise elder. at least to the extent that you can hold onto your Self. with one very distinct exception. Understandably. keep in mind that anti-psychotic drugs make it impossible to process such an experience or to learn anything from it. a babysitter. Forever. locate someone in your vicinity who is a spiritual guide of some kind. and give time to the exploration of a concept or series of connections. to her astonishment and intense gratitude. With the friend's help. as a human being. more connections and concepts than you can handle. a priest or minister or a Buddhist teacher. deep and sweet. One lady. I know of only one way to avoid such an experience. and had the terrible experience of being in a profoundly altered state forever. This may be appropriate if you are really overwhelmed by the input and get into a panic.182 TIHKAL — The Continuation unfolding of the soul. She did finally come down. there is a feeling of time stretching. This state of being flooded by more information. most of the time. you should get a friend to be with you. Again. and will medicate you heavily. it is necessary for you to control the rate of that flow. you may need professional help. In this case. Most psychiatrists will treat this as a form of psychosis. and often unaccountably familiar. Only this way can you hope to learn something of value. present. but there can also be an experience of the opposite.

183 OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCES The first problem I encounter. is that of definitions. indeed. Theo. come to an end when the drug wears off. in whatever way gives you most pleasure. He was there instantly. There are many reports of OBE's under the influence of psychedelic drugs. aware of a thin. Much can be learned from this experience about perceptions of time. writing notes. a person trained in logic and what is called scientific thinking. It is to others that these notes are addressed. He took note of what she was wearing (a red sweater and blue jeans). In the meantime. and allowing yourself to look. This is not an area in which being "macho" is advisable. . apparently without any fear or anxiety. and it is best to go slowly and carefully. the term OBE (out-of-body experience) is meaningless. And when you are familiar with the drug. He used self-hypnosis (concentrating on a spot on the ceiling). and observed her sitting on a small pier at the edge of a mountain lake. because he has been taught to believe that the physical body is all there is. sitting outside with growing things. about the nature of your Self. is temporary. for instance. let your Observer remind you that it is a drug-effect. he took off to find his girlfriend. if at all. strong life-line or umbilical cord connecting him to his body. and the implication that one can have any kind of conscious experience separate from the body is ridiculous. From there. To such a person. then. listen and think.Places in the Mind make sure that you take a relatively low amount of any psychedelic drug you haven't tried before. who had gone with her family for the weekend to a cabin in the Sierras. who wrote the first books about the process. make use of the state. increase the dosage level very slowly. and founded an institute on the East coast of the United States to teach people how to journey out of their bodies at will. with great respect and humility. If you do find yourself trapped in eternity. had a classic OBE when he was in his twenties. What is meant by an out-of-body experience? To the average scientist. creating something of beauty out of clay or paint. unassociated with drugs. Keep reminding yourself that eternity. in this case. and about the extraordinary capacities of your mind. My stepson. The expert on OBE's is generally believed to be Robert Monroe. this whole discussion is meaningless. so I can't speak knowledgeably about it. You are experimenting with your own mind and with unknown levels of your own psyche. in trying to tackle this particular subject. and that you are experiencing a fascinating corner of your soul. but I have never had one. and found himself floating above his bed. and that it will. and with no exposure to the world of the spiritual.

yes. He drifted over to the mirror and looked in. "I just followed the cord — and. "An extremely rare phenomenon. at the end of the hall. including many ." HALLUCINATIONS In Appendix C of this book. "I went back to my body immediately. the small shelf with Shura's shaving gear. when he later asked the girl if she had been in that particular place on that day. The delusional anesthetic drugs. when he concentrated on his favorite ceiling spot and. they are known to be visual distortions and appreciated as such. a reality that he alone can experience and interact with. In almost all psychedelic experiences undergone by normal. such as scopolamine and ketamine. wearing those exact clothes. healthy people. Shura and I define a hallucination. there is an awareness of real surroundings. The only thing missing was his own face. at which point he knew it was time to return to home base. being for the most part inexperienced in the use of psychedelic drugs. once out. on the other hand. in which a completely convincing reality surrounds a person. "That was too much. can and do produce true hallucinations. There was simply no Theo in the mirror at all. Theo stopped doing hypnotically induced OBE's only after a brief experience one day. but in reality is virtually non-existent in the use of such materials.184 TIHKAL — The Continuation then flew up to what looked like a small cloud. all faithfully reflected. The inducement of hallucinations is a property that is commonly attributed to psychedelic drugs. the shower stall. he became frightened. Visual distortions are common. with his eyes open. unless there has been a massive overdose. she had been and how did he know? He sidestepped the question gracefully by laughing and changing the subject. she said yes. I wouldn't be telling the story otherwise). There were the cabinets. Needless to say (I mean. but they are not confused with objective reality by the subject. and I will repeat that definition here." he told me." he told me. adding only two brief clarifications. For the first time since he had begun experimenting with OBE's. using reasonable dosages. it was sort of vaguely silver — and Wham! I was back in my bod. went sailing into his father's bathroom." Members of the medical (including psychiatric) community. have gotten into the habit of using the word "hallucination" to describe an entire range of visual and auditory effects produced by such drugs.

The proceedings were taking place in a very large room with a wooden floor. Finally. The subject was asked to report back when she awoke in the morning. Dr. seeing increased brightness of color and richness of texture. placing electrodes onto people who claimed to be able to travel out of body almost every night. I sat on the toilet and looked around . placed out of sight of the awake subject. There were many people present. interesting faces in large rocks.Places in the Mind 185 which have nothing whatsoever to do with hallucinations. while retaining conscious control and memory of the experience. if you make no association between the blue horse and the taking of a drug. or kaleidoscopic imagery on your ceiling. for instance. for instance. He had done ground-breaking work in a university laboratory. as to what she had read on the placard. On the other hand. but are certain that what you are seeing is part of consensual reality. I have had one experience of visual changes occurring as the result of an altered state without any drug being involved. bladder pressure made it necessary for me to get up and pick my way carefully over extended legs and feet on my way to the bathroom. then you are indeed hallucinating. Everyone was quiet except the particular psychic healer whose turn it was to report into the microphone. you are NOT hallucinating. Charles Tart. and learning a great deal from each account. if you have taken a drug and see a pretty blue horse prancing across your living room carpet. including a group that was the focus of everybody's attention that evening: about ten psychic healers who were there to describe their methods and problems. Tart was the first university professor to publish the generally positive results of such research. Dr. and if you remain totally aware of the fact that such visual enhancements are due to your having taken a drug. where there was a small placard with a name or series of numbers on it. especially about the ways in which these people protected themselves from taking into their own bodies the illnesses of their clients. It is the conscious awareness of cause and effect — the taking of a drug and the seeing of a blue horse — that makes the difference between experiencing visual effects or visual changes and real hallucinations. and he was at this meeting to ask questions and tape-record answers from the healers. was to float up to the ceiling. Once inside the little room. I was attending a most unusual meeting at the home of a famous psychic in the city of Berkeley. I was concentrating on what was being said. The important distinction is this: if you have taken a psychedelic drug and are. and most of us were sitting on floor pillows against the walls. years ago. Present with his recording equipment was a well-known expert on out-of-body experiments. Dr. Tart assigned each subject specific tasks to accomplish while out of body in the lab. Along with everyone else. and are convinced that everybody else in your vicinity can also see the horse. one assignment.

in the other. the shower curtain appeared to be rippling. Maybe it's because of all that intense mental focusing. his Observer has abandoned its post as reality checker. a bearded. i. Shura calls this. just as it does in the dream state. a bowl which catches blood from the head. A closer look.186 TIHKAL — The Continuation me. When a person is having real hallucinations. and things were back to normal. that it was a non-drug-induced alteration of perception produced by strong concentration. THE KALI This archetype is best known in India. Sometimes she is shown with four arms. The halo attests to Kali's status as Goddess. I knew it was the result of changes in my own consciousness of a perfectly natural kind. when I returned to the big room. reveals a great halo around her head. By the time the meeting had broken up. In this case. "Using the intellect as witness.. and still do now.e. If I had believed that the walls and shower curtain were really moving. to her need to be understood not only as de- . 1996) there are these comments: "At first glance. the third carrying a trident and the fourth. In one hand she brandishes a bloody sword. Wonder how long it'll last?" Unfortunately. wearing a necklace of skulls and dancing triumphantly on dead bodies. where one can find numerous paintings which portray the Goddess Kali. and I hope it happens again some day. by Marion Woodman and Elinor Dickson. "What d'ya know! Never had this happen before. usually as a grimacing black or blue female monster. Kali comes across as a fierce embodiment of the devouring mother. In the book. part of consensual reality. and the faucets glinted with enthusiastic points of multi-colored lights. it was also thoroughly enjoyable." and I call it using the Observer. Dancing in the Flames. I was so impressed by this unexpected bit of fun and games that. all visual changes had disappeared.. it would have been an hallucination. (Shambhala Press. severed head.. To my surprise and delight. even her own children.. I concluded then. the wallpaper was most certainly moving. I didn't think for one second that anyone else coming into that bathroom would see the movement of surfaces. who gobbles up everything. as witness. wife of the God Shiva. "Aha!" I thought. however. and that the movements would be apparent to other people. I lost my ability to fully concentrate on the continuing reports from the healers.

I walked slowly towards the stairs. The first time was many years ago. stretching as far as I could see. I knew that I had just witnessed something not only important. and I had taken around 20 milligrams of 2C-B in the early evening. "Behold this!" She was surrounded by parts of dismembered human bodies — arms. illuminating the patio. ceaseless becoming. it was dark. but I didn't move until it had faded out of existence. thinking furiously. except for the glow from the dining room below. immanence. There was blood everywhere. it MUST be The Kali. my mouth open. glowing brightly against a shadowy mass of trees. which certain spiritual teachings believe to be an essential step on the pathway to illumination. What WAS that? With all those — those pieces of bodies and the blood. creating in order to destroy. from which all creation comes and to which it returns." She is also understood to represent ego-death. I've had two glimpses of The Kali." "The mystery of Kali is that she is perpetually destroying and. She is black. but also as transformer. leaving me staring at the black outline of trees. radiance shines through her blackness. as he does every week. she is like a black sapphire. climbed the brick steps and headed for my car to get something I needed. as if to say. For Kali. The whole experience lasted barely two seconds. how can a scene of bloody carnage give off such a sense of rightness? And bliss? I don't understand. Halfway to the steps. heads — lying on the ground.Places in the Mind vourer. all experience is one — life as well as death. When I left the car and started back across the pavement towards the house. seated cross-legged in its center was the figure of a lovely young woman. and each giving rise to profound questions. About fifteen feet above the ground. Her skin was the color of cream. Both arms were extended. all the paintings show monsters. death in the service of life. life in the service of death. legs. nature as process. but . To her devotees. both of them astonishingly different from what I would have expected. But I've never heard of a beautiful Kali. And that feeling. at the same time. What radiated from the vision was a feeling I can only describe as bliss. while Shura was in San Francisco at the Owl Club. Kali is time. dark as the 187 matrix. creating — destroying in order to create. playing his viola in the orchestra. hands open. I suddenly stopped and stood riveted. It was in early summer. At one point I went outside. was a large oval of light.

Then she showed Lara the creative side of her nature. it was about the sacredness of knowledge and the immense importance of continual learning while in human form. "And I felt this great happiness." one which is vivid. and the other side. LSD is not particularly my ally. and she is also the patron goddess of the Hawaiian Islands." she told me. Shura and I were making love one night. "I lay there in the dark. That's the level of the Gods. tucking away the memory of the figures in red until later. several years ago. I hadn't yet solved the mystery. and it didn't fade. and invited her to rejoice at the sight. It isn't the human reality. I'd taken only 80 micrograms. Lara. This time. and Lara awoke. It had come to her in a dream. They were embracing. It took some time for me to acknowledge that my immediate thoughts after the second experience had been simply avoidance.188 TIHKAL — The Continuation sacred. the duration of the vision was two or three seconds. and her description of the dream state makes it clear that this was a "Big Dream. The Kali — destruction and killing. What my friend. Then the vision ended. facing me. as the first one had. Pele appeared to Lara as a magnificent being with a river of lava flowing around her. dressed in red. I was doing dances with my tongue upon the body of my love. also. numinous and always remembered. How can that vision have any meaning for a human being? I turned my attention again to Shura. He had taken 120 microgams of LSD. and I went over and over the memory of Pele and what she had said to me. when — seven months later — the second encounter occurred. her clothes the color of blood. She spoke. and that it was part of the answer to my obsessive inner questions about the nature of what we think of as good and evil. because at higher levels. and I knew instantly that they were Death and Life. we have to choose between the life force and loving. but simply ceased to exist. I heard from a friend about her experience of another form of the female destroyer archetype. and suddenly they had melted into each other and there was only one figure there. she is the goddess of fire and volcanoes. she displayed the growth of new land that results from the cooling of lava after a volcanic eruption. Just a few weeks ago. when I saw in my mind's eye two figures far away. saw in the dream state was the Goddess Pele. hadn't come to any satisfying conclusions. sacred to the Hawaiians. But I couldn't grasp what it meant. seated in a halo of soft light. against a background of light. and I am still feeling so grateful to her!" . but what she said to the sleeping woman had nothing to do with destruction. It was astonishing. an effort to postpone the work I was going to have to do to comprehend what I had been shown.

From the Random House Webster's College Dictionary. 1991. in any and all forms. as does everything else. nurturing. although perceptions of these archetypes may be possible only when one is in the God-space. because it feeds us with energy and hope. What we strive for. many . I believe that. EUPHORIA The first thing that can be said about this experience is: it's good and nourishing. To work through that rebellion. we have always taken sorrow and transformed it into music and art. as Shura has said. so everything we do and feel is done and felt by the Source. that duality. is also within us. the expression of these dual forces informs every second of existence. but my heart and gut still rebel at grief. are pieces of the Source. the dance of opposites. injustice and destruction. whether of plant. acceptance and bliss. although the great forces that shape all life can sometimes appear to the soul as serenely implacable and without mercy or love. I get this simple one: "A strong feeling of happiness. whether through the use of consciousnessaltering drugs and plants or meditation and spiritual training. We. even fear and horror have had their uses. is necessary for life to exist. The archetype of Kwan Yin. The Indian word for this place is "Samadhi.Places in the Mind 189 I have gradually come to understand that all the dualities in the cosmos spring from a single Source. after all. pain. My intellect can comprehend all this. animal or human. A dictionary will give you the following definition of euphoria. fear. or well-being. how he puts them together into a whole view of the universe and his role in it. but only as what I have experienced and learned. as are numerous other archetypal images of loving. this perception is not the truth. what he does with them. is to reach — however momentarily — that place inside us where there is true comprehension of the great dualities. confidence. a state of immense energy. I am not stating any of the above as ultimate truth. teaching us strength and will. Every human being contains all of these places in his psyche. and with it. along with all other life-forms. As a species. creative energies. the Chinese Goddess of Mercy. we have used experiences of pain to deepen our empathy and compassion for others." and a single experience of it will give life-long strength to your soul and spirit. insect. will be unique to him and must be respected and honored. I have to remind myself of certain things. For instance. Euphoria belongs in all our lives. food for our souls." And. and when you've read it. expressions of the Source. as often as possible. think about the implications.

and "hypophoria" could be depression." means a normally functioning thyroid. more confident than you deserve to. The only negative I can think of in regard to euphoria is that certain people may try to find a way of making it a permanent state of being. a certain amount of suspicion and even disapproval. both for ourselves and those we love. With or without drugs. how have we come to be a society in which euphoria means "feeling too good. to live a human life. and is not meant to be constant. if you've earned your place there by living a life full of self-sacrifice and a lot of suffering. euphoria must be looked upon as a temporary gift and a reminder of your innate capacity for exquisite pleasure. and that we will be able to renew our hope and excitement about life as often as possible. Some evangelical Christians in their worship services seem to experience the two states as one. As with all emotions felt by human beings. that feeling well. any more than orgasm can be.190 TIHKAL — The Continuation times. So. as a society. . becoming so used to being in a state of mild depression most of the time. it cannot be maintained constantly by most of us. in some people." or "correct. Unless you have worked your way through to becoming an Initiate. is that all of us will have more moments of euphoria than sorrow. as an upwelling of thanksgiving to the Source. happy and full of energy engenders. "hyperphoria" could be bliss. Thus. The opposite of "eu-. bliss." instead of what it ought to mean? Why is euphoria listed in the Physicians' Desk Reference as a possible negative side-effect of various drugs? I wonder if we are. cannot be present all the time. Perhaps some of this comes from the early Puritan and present Fundamentalist Christian teachings that Man is a sinner and true happiness and bliss can be expected only in heaven. for the most part you will have ups and downs. euphoria does not last. as opposed to "euphoria. by whatever name it is called. pain and exhilaration. I have experienced euphoria and its higher spiritual form. (in which case it may be possible to live in a state comparable to euphoria)." is "dys-. for instance. if you want to remain in the world of human beings. All we can hope for. learn and transform." which means feeling well." means "normal. However. There are stories — legends — of people who have slipped into a bliss state and remained there for the rest of their lives. The feeling I have when giving whole-hearted Thank You to the universe is identical to that felt in a state of euphoria. the prefix "eu-. "dysphoria. to change. a spiritual master. Saint Theresa of Avila." The word." which means something not functioning normally. happier than you ought to. sun and shadow. normal and good. For instance. "euthyroid. Perhaps they are." means abnormal.

hide and even deny feelings that are uncomfortable or painful. deep love and humor. For those of us who live in the western industrialized countries. just as they can open him to deep sorrow. empathy and humor. it's the drug that opens doors to what is already resident inside the person. we are also making it hard to feel joy. Everything gets dulled. Again. open channel to feelings and emotions again. daily life tends to be busy. along with the negative ones. we cannot feel out truth and we 191 can never hope to grow wise. It makes us more vulnerable to the world around us. In the psychedelic experience. we can discover a clear. this results in a repression of feelings that are entirely positive. . stressful and not conducive to the practice of insight or the fullest possible openness to emotions.Places in the Mind Psychedelic drugs can help open a person to an experience of euphoria. cosmic meaningfulness and total confusion. but without that vulnerability. it isn't the drug that creates the experience. When we put a lid on anger and resentment. Adults learn to repress. Unfortunately.

I lie down beside him. I'm letting go of fear that my body is not beautiful enough. sometimes in conflict and sometimes in balance. His body is the physical expression of his light and dark sides. and say. as is the case with all of us. but quite enough to open up lovemaking. his body. but it's enough to see each other by. and I give an approving pat to my favorite rounded portion of his anatomy. his hair standing out from his head like a corona. see what our choices are?" While he switches from one classical music station to another." His hands move over my stomach and down one thigh. What grows in me — every time we make love — is a certainty that. the male energy and its island of femininity. "Hey. "Looks like it. the things that aren't perfect. Not despite. Shura loves me anyway. DRUGS. but including all the defects. we lucked out!" Shura turns around. "How about searching the dial. It's easy for me to accept him. and Shura and I have each taken 100 micrograms of LSD. a rather low dose — not enough to stun the mind with too much input. not slim enough. I suppose. Suddenly. and a warm night. AND THE OLDER PLAYERS (Alice's voice) It's Saturday night. SEX. Most important of all. in some way I can't understand with the self-critical part of my mind. What I love is the essence of the man inside. and I breathe out the breath I didn't know I was holding. and he turns off the bedside lamp. I raise myself on one elbow. so we don't need to get under the covers. but I'm always amazed that he accepts me in the same way. Shura turns his head and smiles at me. I stroke his back and watch little rainbows erupting in the wake of my hand.192 TIHKAL — The Continuation CHAPTER 11. . It's June. not appealing enough. as I let go of a week's concerns and frustrations. Now there's only the light from the radio. Prokofiev's Second Piano Concerto brings a stop to the sampling of radio wares. glinting silver and pink and orange in the half-light.

occasionally. when you pay attention. In your sixties and seventies. This is an uncomfortable thing for some people to hear. and they usually choose not to believe it. sensuousness interwoven with spirit. aging happens very gradually. sense it moving beneath and around you. And the idea of a young soul trapped in an old body isn't as tragic as it might sound. feel yourself part of something immense and timeless. and the conceptual complexities that may accompany them. can become a pleasure undreamt of in the climax-driven world of the twenty-year-olds. the sense of who we are. In your thirties. you can hear the flow of life more clearly. and love in each other's. human relationship game. and after a while you learn to shrug resignedly at your reflection and avoid friends' cameras. is never more than thirty-two or so. And there are compensations. subtlety and a new dimension of deliciousness. Sexuality changes as we age. If you are familiar with certain psychedelics or visionary plants. could make it difficult to focus either mind or body on making love. The body doesn't act or react the way it did twenty years earlier. the imagery filling the interior screen. the caressing and the imaginative uses of hands. The relaxing effects of certain psychedelic drugs may make it easier to find that erotic bud which can be urged into bloom. you become aware that you are beginning to understand the rules of the game — the social. a new level of comprehension begins to make itself felt. the loosening of skin that was never supposed to be anything but taut and smooth. After all. and the Older Players We are affectionately amused by each other's less romantic signs of aging: the thinning of pubic hair.Sex. whether or not there is final culmination. 193 One of the things that makes it hard to see one's body getting older is that the soul. we gradually learn to allow in our own bodies. because it sounds too sad. and have experience in using them. love-making can become a truly multidimensional experience. The reasons are obvious: with too high a dosage. morning mirror by morning mirror. Love-making itself. mouth and tongue to play the beloved's body. But you should be familiar with the effects of the particular drug and be sure of the identity and quality of whatever you're using. But it simply isn't so. jeweled images behind closed eyelids combining with the smell and feel of skin. yet somehow intimately connected to you and everything you're doing and thinking. if that . the rounding of tummies. All of that. Drugs. and the orgasm flowering deep in the mind before it explodes — excruciatingly sweet and long — in the body. but it is important that you know enough about the effects of the drug to enable you to avoid taking too much. If you and your lover have a good relationship you'll find that with the passing of the years. frequency is replaced by depth. They'd rather think that the spirit inside the shrunken. fragile grandmother lying against her pillows feels itself as ancient as her body.

listening to the music. We are silent. The emotional and spiritual closeness that such a shared experience might bring about would certainly be its own reward. Red light glows from somewhere behind me. and there are glints of red-gold in the falling water. his hand strokes my hair. I am in a shadowed cave where Benjamin Britten's music is water over rocks. rounded stones which are smooth as sculptured buttocks.194 TIHKAL — The Continuation is what you had intended. a modest dosage level will serve you better than a high one. long. falling into a dark pool. I lift my head and smile up at him. then Shura howls long. at rest. but if your intent is love-making. . past the great rocks towards the night sky. answered by a moss-green cello in the depths of the pool. The music flows through my breasts. and I am rising. an edge of violins raising questions in silver shading to pewter. A fine spray rises from the bases of two huge. Later that night.

as were all the residents of Sunnydale and other similar low-rent housing projects (nobody lives in such places by choice. control over the physical body has been turned off. Christopher. if you will. when my mother phoned. and I should note that my experiences have been only in going to sleep. after all. the mind lags behind the body in descending into that particular altered state known as sleep. "hypnopompia. in the Sunnydale housing project. but for unknown reasons. for reasons I can't remember. The first time I experienced a dream of this kind occurred while I was living with my little son. THE LIONESS AND THE SECRET PLACE (Alice's voice) It was a long time ago when I had my first terror dream. as normally happens. and was settling myself down on the living room couch with a book from the library. that state of mind wasn't unknown to many of those living in the projects." is a similar state experienced in the process of waking up. I was used to being.The Lioness and the Secret Place 195 CHAPTER 12." The first word is used to describe a state in which one is descending into sleep and. limbo situation that certain kinds of vivid dreams. place and time — although this awareness may fluctuate — but he is not able to control his body or open his eyes. basically oriented as to identity. "hypnopompia. can take place. his ego. the dreamer's mind. after all). After we'd exchanged family news and talked for a while. certain kinds of spiritual attacks. One evening. is capable of being selfaware. I think of this strange state as getting briefly caught between two worlds. she mentioned that. I realized it was called clinical depression — but. just below the city of San Francisco. It is in this disconnected. newly divorced. and my baby and I were very poor. I had heard vaguely of "hypnogogia. in the grip of something grey and hopeless that I couldn't define — years later. The second word. In both states. I had put my baby to bed in his little room upstairs. I was around 21 years old. emotionally." and not at all of its twin. she .

Why did they want to frighten humans? To what purpose? It never occurred to me. chunky bodies. From the moment I'd heard the first sounds.. They were sneaking slowly up the stairs. laughing silently at my panic. But I was stuck. which is something I often did in those days. I would have control over the rest of my body. and by turning my head I could see an empty floor. such as sensing the general shape and size of my attackers. and then my hands. Then. but that menacing sound continued. "I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills. the words of the psalm I had been reading rose in my mind. and the group was continuing to edge ever closer. from whence cometh my help. I was fully awake. completely self-aware.196 TIHKAL — The Continuation was memorizing Psalm 121. and knowing what they had come for. That night. which made heaven and earth. which begins. I had been trying to open my eyes. for a little while. I would still have been completely bewildered. in my ears for at least ten seconds. but had some aspects of dream to it. I knew that once I managed to do so. I breathed relief at being back in control of my body. and it would not occur to me until ten or fifteen years later. and why they were so filled with malice. Then I became aware that I was still hearing the rustling sound. and a surreptitious rustle of clothing. I knew the first of the intruders was already through the door. wearing ragged clothing and dark caps. flexed my fingers and smiled at the ceiling. And if it had. And they knew I was helpless. and I concentrated all my attention on them. and they intended to come into my room. I tucked my feet under me and curled my fingers. "My help cometh from the Lord. which was quite simple: to cause me terror. As I lay there. My body was frozen. that they just might be aspects of my own unconscious. I became aware of a sound coming from the direction of the half-opened bedroom door. sprawled on my back in the dark. It was a sound of scratchy footsteps on the wooden stairs. and I knew that there was a group of things on the stairs which looked much like the dwarves in fairy-tale books: small. as I lay upstairs in my bed." Suddenly. in a strange territory which was not quite dream. while my mind wandered. just barely over that threshold which we all cross every night. Somehow. my heart beating so hard it threatened to deafen me." After we said goodnight. with poems I particularly liked. and sat on the couch with my cup and a cigarette. whether they had — as I suspected — an independent existence on some unknown level of reality. I knew their objective. and decided I liked it enough to try to memorize it myself. I opened up my old Bible to read the psalm. saying them slowly and clearly in my head. gradually fading. I wondered what the intruders had been. I could see them in my mind. and I could move my head.around the . they opened with a snap. I got up and went downstairs to make myself some hot tea. my mind beginning to drift. They liked making human beings afraid. I had my eyes.

The Lioness and the Secret Place 197 reassuring warmth of the cup. I lived in a tiny apartment. Its immense mouth. gaped open. because I had to get up at 6:30 in the morning and needed as much sleep as I could get. That focusing of the mind gives me back control. at the time. hungry mouth that was searching for me. For a very long time afterwards. distorted. at the huge medical complex on a hill called Mount Parnassus. just two blocks downhill from the medical center. to get tired of the pursuit and began to slither downward. and it seemed to be trying to smell me out. The image came of myself standing on the roof of a tall building. that kind of place again. just . and it was then that I collected myself enough to begin reciting the Lord's Prayer. I found myself again in a state of awareness. and whoever the dwarf critters were. Its eyes were closed. I usually got to bed at around 10:30 p. The trouble was. they knew I had the secret and wouldn't be quite so frightened of them next time. I ascribed this — when I thought about it at all — to the fact that I knew how to bring myself out of paralysis. as a medical transcriber in the Department of Pathology. I could open my eyes. like tonight. toward the street below. to the exclusion of everything else. stressful job. or a psalm. in order to function properly in a demanding.) While all this was going on. I came across the famous painting by Goya. it all happened again. Within a few seconds. but I was able to run behind a square metal box or vent of some kind. The night of the first dream. remembering vaguely that I was supposed to concentrate on magic words. in the late 1950's. and couldn't control any part of it. the size of a house. and I can open my eyes. I could see no exit. I was working. all I have to do is focus my attention very strongly on words — words which have meaning for me. And something was moving in on me. away from the edge of the roof and the roomsized." and shuddered at the resemblance. (Much later. but had apparently stalled on the way to full sleep. I had no more dreams of that particular kind. It seemed. looking up with horror at a monstrous face. The following night. conscious of the fact that I had just slipped out of my body. coming up the side of the outer wall. I was too busy being terrified to focus on anything except getting off the roof and staying alive. At least I've discovered something immensely valuable: if I get stuck in that region. I knew I wasn't yet safe. I also had to move as fast as I could. and the horror was over. I had a series of three terror dreams on three successive nights. I was suspended. on weekday nights. I was trying to open my eyes. finally. Then. the atmosphere was still heavy with menace. "Chronos devouring his children. focus on them. lined with rotten teeth. in San Francisco. The Lord's Prayer.m. well out of the reach of the blindly searching creature.

Black birds. unable to continue into sleep or to open my eyes. who had been making a nuisance of themselves. One would blow a puff of air at my face. anyway — if I tried to go to sleep. unable to move. so many years before: to frighten me. I set to work as before. not omens. I was lying on my back. The intent was exactly the same as that of the dwarf-like creatures. I recognized them as the birds flying over the field in van Gogh's last painting. or I'll tear you to bloody pieces. to drive me into a state of helpless fear. full of giggling maliciousness. and it kept going on and on. I knew they were birds of death. and there was no dream-world at all. there I was. and the animal I had been slowly faded away. I didn't get up to think about it. were entities — I knew there were three of them — and they were doing something that seemed ridiculous. My throat opened. wave after wave of them. roaring at a couple of small monkeys at the cave entrance. until something told me I wouldn't face danger again — tonight. This time. only murder. was mixed with anger. but actual embodiments of death. but what came into my mind instead was the gentle. The third night. I knew. This time. I stayed up for half an hour. it was directed at the creatures.198 TIHKAL — The Continuation barely out of my body." and suddenly I was awake. while the others blew on the skin of my arm. only inches away from them. something completely new and shocking happened. I did my best to ignore the terrified pounding of my heart. and this time the attack was more direct. but this time something was coming toward me out of the sky: birds. and I tried to focus my thinking on some words that would get me out again. "The Lord is my shepherd. although I had a workday ahead of me and needed my rest. somehow. and to my left. and they would do it again. trying to open my eyes or lift a finger. unable to open my eyes. then there would be a brief pause. that night. and from it came a roar which originated deep in my solar plexus. I was on a rooftop again. perched on the edge of the bed. and my head moved back on the pillow. although her selfsatisfied contentment lingered for a long time. but it spoke an unmistakable message: "Get out of here. OUT!" (Later. In that roar there was no fear at all. I shall not want. they were blowing air on me. familiar. I felt my neck muscles stiffen. It was not a human sound. They were small and evil. while the malevolent birds flew closer and closer to my head. helpless on my bed.) The visitors on my bed vanished. My neck muscles gradually softened. swooping low over my head. but this time. and concentrated on remembering the words of the Lord's Prayer. that . I compared the way I had felt with being a lioness inside a cave with her cubs. to reassert control over any part of my body. I could move my body again. The fear. watching me. the one he finished just before he killed himself. and I was frozen.

I was right. or Shadow. Or out of it. immensely powerful ally is. not a single one. Perhaps they are twisted with anger at the ruination of so much of the planet. For now. visible occasionally to small children and inhabitants of Ireland. And the attackers. I knew I was safe. I think it's because an unknown part of me activated my own self-protective killer. and are able to take their revenge only when one of my species gets stuck in a not-quiteconnected place on the way in to sleep. the entities that like to terrorize. If. for any reason. and I know that I can reach for its help instantly. When I became a therapist. The terror dreams were over. So for now. yes. the knowledge that it's my utterly loyal. It might not always take the form of a lioness. they may have been "elementals. but I've never again found myself trapped in that strange and vulnerable out-of-body place. what have I concluded they are — or were? Until I have evidence to the contrary. more than 20 years later. malicious and sadistic. but that isn't important. To this day. It is an aspect of the human Dark Side. if attacked. I turned over on my bed and let sleep search me out again. wolf. a feeling of awe at what had happened." beings inhabiting the usually unseen country of nature spirits. Until . whatever had been going on for three nights. I have had no more killer or terror dreams. I'll have to consider them aspects of my own unconscious psyche. sad. they actually emerged from elsewhere than my own interior. was finished. It would be almost four decades before I would begin to understand that inner lioness. a sense of strength and satisfaction. no. jaguar — inside every human being. But I can't bring myself to think of nature spirits as malignant. and the new kind of psychotherapy which would know what to do with that part of us. feeling neither hesitation nor fear. Whatever it was. perhaps symbolic images of things I hate and fear. in truth. and I've experienced lucid dreaming. or I will destroy you! And it had stopped. except the obvious: I had become a powerful. that exists solely for the protection of its host. heart pounding. fighting for my life. I came to call this part of the human psyche the Survivor. What had been activated that last night? From what part of me had that lioness roar come? What could possibly have happened. I've had ordinary nightmares. But I was left with a puzzle. I will say that they weren't nature spirits. my beast ally in the deep interior cave of the unconscious. fearless animal for just long enough to scare the hell out of some sort of disembodied spirit-creatures who had nothing better to do than try to terrorize a vulnerable human being caught out of body. That roar had said STOP. underneath it. for a while. and her equivalent — gorilla. Others call it the Power-Animal.The Lioness and the Secret Place this was the last time I would be attacked. a mystery. and. I had only a great wonderment.

After the first lucid dreams. You're never trapped. as in the terror dreams. when I went through an incredible experience which I wrote about in PIHKAL. it was the most intense one I had . I drove myself by sheer will to orgasm. "That's what is meant by Samadhi. What happened was this: I began having occasional lucid dreams in which I experienced intense sexual energy. I'd never had a lucid dream in my life until a few years ago. and involved an altered state over which I had no control. The first time it happened. In a later chapter. and hoped it would happen again. Some of the teaching was done in two lucid dreams. I felt desire and a drive to orgasm in a part of my body located immediately above the pubic bone. in my experiences of lucid dreaming. since you know it is a dream. you have control over the general direction and content of the dreams. I was tremendously excited that this had finally happened to me. There were red stone cliffs beneath me. arms extended on either side. because you are completely and continually aware of the nature of the experience. In all my reading about various spiritual practices. on my left side. pulsing with energy. I had never come across a description of anything like it.200 TIHKAL — The Continuation I'm convinced otherwise. bliss. I had another. but not in the usual place — not in my genitals. Lucid dreaming means that you are conscious during a dream. orchestrated by my own psyche to lead my unconscious to activate the Beast-Survivor. and the energy was joy." Something new was added just during the past two years. floating above a desert scene. The most obvious difference between lucid dreams and hypnogogic/-pompic dreams is that. I've come to suspect that the entire series of terror dreams was a set-up. and a sandy desert floor far below. In this one I found myself seated in the lotus position. The Intensive. you know that you're dreaming. emitting energy. but during that time I experienced myself as a body of energy. in lucid dreams. and the ego is intact. Months after the first two dreams. I remember waking for a moment and saying to myself. Exactly where you can feel a full bladder if you push inwards. The entire dream lasted only a minute. Recently. dangerous or undesirable. and when it came. to come to know and recognize it as the ally it is meant to be. during that extraordinary week. It lasted a week. I'll have more to tell about this. If things become difficult. and during which I was taught a great deal. wide-awake completion. you can choose to get out or change it.

"Lama means teacher. But. Okay?" I laughed and acknowledged that it did seem a bit unusual to see before you such a non-Oriental looking person and be given a name straight out of the Himalayas. Finally. and no spiritualizing of the sexuality in any way." Shura and I developed great affection and respect for Karma. "I really haven't a clue. In the dream. The only reason for it happening at all — my instincts told me — was to re-affirm the strength of the life-force in my body and my soul. the strange and marvelous dream would culminate in a glorious. This gentle man. and I always woke up afterwards. I found the whom.The Lioness and the Secret Place ever experienced. he explained. with thinning blond hair and warm. Most of the other guests had drifted out to the barbecue patio. "I know. the lucidity would begin to slip away. "I don't know. usually attempting — without success — to go back into sleep to recapture the experience." using his Buddhist name. and I would feel disappointment when I woke. whom can one ask? It might be considered. in a part of the body not usually associated with sexual impulses." and. He told me that he was in training to become a lama. I shared all of this with nobody but Shura. literally taking my breath away. I changed my name. amused blue eyes. although I wanted to find out whether it was known to others. self-affirming. But most of the time." During a small party at the Farm on the Fourth of July (Shura's and my wedding anniversary). completely selfish. And to acquaint me with what is meant by an activation of the chakra (energy center) which is located right above the pubic bone. "Lama?" I asked. It's a common term among the Buddhists. I don't look Tibetan. but when I decided to study Buddhism. but even more piercingly intense. body-shaking orgasm. and Karma and I 201 . a rather delicate subject. I sat with Karma at a table under the big market umbrella on the patio outside the dining room. and noted that there was no image of a partner. and we talked about various practices and traditions of Buddhism. I was born in London. after all. Walter Parr. This kind of lucid dream occurred every few weeks. being familiar only with the Dalai Lama. comparable only to the best of those one can have making love under the influence of psychedelics. Actually. of medium height. at the house of my former husband. introduced himself as "Karma Tendo. on the other side of the house. honest answers. it was vivid and strongly felt. I had asked him a hundred questions and heard thoughtful. Shura and I had met him about a year earlier at one of the pot-luck dinners we had every few weeks. I was conscious and observant. despite intense efforts to focus on that result. Sometimes I wasn't able to achieve orgasm. including. to which people in the network — the consciousness and psychedelics network — would come to talk and make new friends. When I looked a bit quizzical.

Something like that. under its big green umbrella. but what I feel is that it was a message from the deep. Yes. reminding me that I'm alive and that there are extraordinary forces inside me. But it was a tremendous. "Just an intuition. Eventually. then?" "Well. too. . I introduced the subject by saying. "And that we're basically healthy and functioning. but so be it. all evidence to the contrary notwithstanding." "Do you know what it means?" Karma sat back and sighed. is called the Secret Place. it was certainly one of the most intense I've ever had." Well. "My answer is an intuition. smiling slightly. taking in the beauty." Karma nodded thoughtfully. if I told him about my lucid dreams of the sexual kind. Do you have any ideas?" "Well. I asked him. but I don't really know. I didn't expect! "It was around six months ago. right above the pubic bone." I said. In body and soul. "Is there a name for this kind of thing. It's an experience I've shared only with Shura because it's a very personal matter. we got onto the subject of chakras — those energy centers in the body which have been studied for centuries by Buddhist spiritual teachers. just possibly. is it known to the Buddhists?" Karma looked at me and nodded. "Let me tell you about when it happened to me. "And I was fully awake." said Karma. fierce sexual desire. Nothing in the genitals. no matter how depressed or tired we might feel sometimes. among others — and it occurred to me that this was the one person who might. but perhaps you could tell me — ah — have you ever heard anything like this before?" After I'd described the nature of the dream experience. and a push to — to completion. It left me feeling totally surprised and very good. and — and that life really is worth living. understand what I was talking about. in Buddhism." Karma said. "That center." Omigod! This. "I have something rather interesting I'd like to describe to you. I'd gone off into the hills to have an LSD experience. wise part of my soul. when suddenly I felt an extraordinary thing happening just — as you said — above the pubic bone.202 TIHKAL — The Continuation didn't have to expect too many interruptions. Everything was especially rich and magical." I leaned forward over the table. "The Secret Place? And am I correct in assuming that this sort of intense sexual experience is — ummm — not unknown. that isn't exactly what you'd call a startlingly original name. and I was alone. and I was just sitting there. And when the orgasm happened.

and I really want to know." So far. and a feeling of what I can only describe as awe. "And I'm glad you got up the courage to ask me. but still dreams. this is the first time I've told anybody." I laughed. And my own dreams of this kind are coming less frequently. I'll be happy to tell you. and always wake from it with a sense of deep satisfaction and healthiness. from your description." "If I'm graced with a repeat performance." "The Secret Place. Has it ever happened again. After that day. "I can't believe it! The first time I take a chance on telling somebody — I mean other than Shura — it turns out to be exactly the right person!" Karma grinned. I kept wondering whether it could happen the same way for a woman. I know that's a lot for me to ask. "It's always good to have one's strange.The Lioness and the Secret Place delighted at finally being able to share all this with somebody who had experienced it himself. I should make that 'Not yet' anyway." "Thank you. In fact. there's no difference at all!" "Except that yours was fully awake! I've never had it happen except in dreams.'" said Karma. solitary experience confirmed by someone else. I said. We've both had some questions answered. 203 too. Lucid dreams." He chuckled as I nodded my head vehemently." he repeated. now — perhaps about once every three or four months — but I'm grateful when I have one. "But I keep hoping. no news from Karma. thank you. because I have a lot of nerve. but I'm asking it anyway. "By the way. . let me know if it happens to you again. since that one time?" "Never. "For Pete's sake. I keep hoping. I don't mind at all. I guess. and now I know.

Apparently some discrete inquiries were made. I received word that I would probably be extended an invitation to present some of the history and background material as to the origin and early uses of the drug. like. FLASHBACKS (Shura's voice) There was a conference held in San Francisco. However. not for myself necessarily. and I received a call . And since many law enforcement administrators believed that the majority of the world's production of LSD actually took place in the San Francisco Bay Area. 1991. from somebody in Washington I did not personally know. I sent him a copy of the book making clear that.204 TIHKAL — The Continuation CHAPTER 13. there had been no actual. and it was a two-day event. Bonner. I got back in touch with him and mentioned that there might be a few people in the law enforcement world who would view PIHKAL not as the wealth of factual information that it was (thus being of value to them) but as a work promoting the use of psychedelic drugs (thus being an offense to them). dedicated to the topic of LSD. there might be some question asked. Great Britain and Australia. but to a number of officials of several police organizations around the world. It was hosted by the Drug Enforcement Administration. The head count was around 200. There were invitees from The Netherlands. and invitations were extended not only to some of its staff. Robert C. An actual invitation arrived about a month ahead of the meeting. but for my acquaintance in the DEA who had suggested my name for the invitees' list in the first place. in approximately mid-December. what better place could there be than San Francisco for a conference to discuss LSD problems? Some time before the conference was to occur. who was at that time the acting head of the DEA. official invitation yet extended. amongst other countries. my book PIHKAL had just appeared and I foresaw possible problems. "Who invited HIM here?" and this might put a bit of egg on my invitor's face. The nominal host was Mr. as far as I was concerned. In the latter case.

and been completely ashamed of myself. "Not really." he continued. Had I been there." Indeed! I tried to visualize myself. To whom?. in as casual and unpushy a way as possible.Flashbacks from my original contact saying. both officially and unofficially. and undoubtedly been most disruptive. of course. But one division was somewhat uncomfortable. I can't relate the actual texts that were delivered but let me try to give the flavor of this rampage. in fact there was a general feeling that you could make a good contribution to the meeting. It seems that a holy war. "Most divisions felt fine about it. The original invitation had apparently never been sent to me. that they thought I would even consider such a stupid confrontation. The law-enforcement powers that day had declared LSD to be an agent with unbelievably destructive potential which had to be eradicated. "They were afraid that you might engage Bonner in a public debate that could prove embarrassing. or even know about that. was declared that day on LSD. It turned out that the Angels had smiled upon me by keeping me home. I asked myself. It was portrayed as a thing of absolute evil which had to be eliminated at any cost." "Uncomfortable?" "Well. No one seemed to care. somebody has a very misguided opinion of someone! Was it the chief honcho who might be embarrassed by a debate with me? That doesn't speak well of their view of him. I did not participate. Much of the vitriol was directed at the . a Jihad. I thought. I would either have spoken up. The Catholic Church had defined the witch as an enemy and death on the wheel was too kind a fate. It would have been more than just embarrassment. about what went on. Somewhere. gently and diplomatically. then?" I asked." "Why the no-show at San Francisco. walking up to one of the most powerful law-enforcement men in the country. and initiating a verbal battle that would be embarrassing. Were they concerned that the Administration would be embarrassed? What was so fragile about their structure if one person could bring about such an imagined disgrace? And certainly it revealed the strange light in which some people view me. or I would have kept quiet. Were they afraid that I would be embarrassed? Why should anyone care how I felt? I could even see that there might be joy in certain quarters if I were to be tripped up and stumble into some public idiocy. second only to the head of the FBI or the Attorney General. 205 "Was it PIHKAL?" I asked. that I had been dis-invited. The Muslim tribunal had decided that the heathen Christian devil was the embodiment of evil and was to be disemboweled. a gray-haired old codger of an academic stripe. but I did hear quite a bit.

There are the criminals who make it. which says that however much might be there initially. In the late 1960's there was the Summer of Love. And look at the streets of the city today! The homeless. provoking what has been called. clinically. it produces its effects. But some of the anger was directed to the drug itself. can precipitate a psychotic state. There. The half-life in the blood is less than three hours. with the prodigious use of psychedelic drugs. a rationalization of their own shameful addiction to the drug. If any molecule of a drug. especially LSD. These misguided therapists continue to espouse the myth that LSD has some value in medical practice. the dose would be over 99% excreted in a day. This is simply fantasy. or if even a trillion molecules of a drug. and for supplying others such as school kids. the psychotic. the disenfranchised! The implied explanation was that they had taken LSD. they cook up what they need for distribution amongst other therapists. It has never been observed. for the use of their patients. only to reappear after much time had passed and produce a flashback.206 TIHKAL — The Continuation people associated with the drug. not because they are being excreted into the urine and removed from . and there is no analytical tool known that could detect it on Wednesday. which is truly the head of this monster whose tendrils extend around the world. Then they can suddenly reappear. It exists only in the dedicated minds of law enforcement and in the publications of those who make their living on the drug scare. there will be only half that amount three hours later. But. bringing about this modern-day tragedy. they are concentrated here in the San Francisco Bay Area. says the uneducated skeptic. said these flashback advocates. Even if the metabolic machinery of the body ignored it. There are the "sociopathic therapists" who sneak out into the woods every week. and finally the tucked-away molecules had descended from the frontal lobes. of course. an LSD flashback. The mechanisms that were offered to explain this event were so bizarre as to be humorous. It was stated to the attendees that even a single exposure to LSD can squirrel away a few lingering molecules in the frontal lobes of the brain where they might well stay hidden for as long as twenty years. which can cause the victim to become psychotic. there would be only one percent of it there on Tuesday. had they only been offered in the spirit of comedy. maybe the LSD levels are dropping. With a monster dose going in on Monday. Unfortunately they were presented and accepted in total seriousness. The truth is that once LSD is put into the body. Obvious examples were evident right here in San Francisco. This is. then that drug is of unprecedented potency. According to the authorities. to access their hidden supplies of the ergotamine tartrate precursor. then it and its metabolites are washed out quickly. One of the most outrageous properties given it was the capability of hiding away for years and years inside the human body.

where there was at that time no obvious black. a remarkable event had . "I think that if we decide upon legalization. at least for me. None of this information has ever been even remotely documented. With Love. John Lawn. and perhaps this fat depository is in the brain. and destined to suffer the concert with a wet shirt." According to this theory. I can't remember if it was the concert itself. They have nothing to do with psychosis. He replied without hesitation. "What's wrong with legalizing marijuana?" he was asked. or maybe it was the first number on the program. in downtown Boston. at the Spring concert weekend. the flashback (or here more likely a mutation) is seen not just twenty years later. the head of the DEA under the Reagan administration. gave an address at the Commonwealth Club in San Francisco in February. I was suddenly reminded of a concert I had attended. but because they are being absorbed and stored in the fatty tissue. Brown and Beige. and I had not thought to brush the collected snow out of my hair. Marijuana is fat-soluble and one third of the brain is fat. and it was.Flashbacks the body. and there was water trickling down my neck. As I sat in the crowded audience and the show got underway. but two generations later! Molecules are magically being 207 shipped from father to son to grandson by some DNA process rather than by simple frontal lobe storage. This was put together by a dear musician friend of mine from Los Angeles. I had one recently. that was entitled. The dangers associated with cannabis are different than those associated with alcohol. he received a written query from the floor. but in the offspring's offspring. Everyone has experienced them. I remember my intense embarrassment due to the fact that I did not dare shake my head (I would get all the surrounding people wet) and I could in no way stop the melting process. or beige) down to the Symphony Hall. in the winter of 1941 or 1942. we can forget democracy as we now know it. 1986. or brown." While sawing away on my viola. In experimental animals. at the redwood retreat of the Owl Club. and was entitled something like. Flashbacks are real. I was stuck. at Harvard." It had been snowing lightly during my long walk from Wigglesworth Hall (up in Cambridge. They have no unique relationship to LSD. very impressive. of another illegal drug. Maybe it is in the frontal lobes! There is an earlier track record of the alleged brain fat and brain storage status. In the question and answer session that followed. The last selection that we were playing was a medley of the music of Duke Ellington. mutations in the brain caused by marijuana are found not only in the user or the user's offspring. offered by a Presidential appointee. "To Duke. over fifty years later. the snow began to melt. And now here. It was a concert of Duke Ellington's music put on by The Duke himself and his band. "Black.

And here was one certainly not involving LSD or any other "dangerous drug. At some later time. The ground ahead of him seemed to undulate up and down. on the day of the Loma Prieta earthquake. It was the drama of the original event. can catalyze a cascade of memories. It just ain't there. for me. and he became panicked as he thought he was experiencing a heart attack. word.208 TIHKAL — The Continuation occurred at my Owl Club retreat which was. to you. by all means. A familiar smell. not within him." as the man apparently was. the very next day. a flashback. Nonetheless. don't waste time looking for some lost molecule in the frontal lobes of the brain. feeling my neck to see if it was wet! There was no LSD involved. a drug virgin. As I swung into those themes from Duke Ellington's music. allow some past event to be relived. or sound. and both were dramatic. Felt it with such authenticity that I actually had to put my hand up to my neck to check it out. in the direct sunshine. walking at the same time and at that very spot. and the trigger that allowed it to be relived. but certainly don't blame the LSD. And. he was hit with dizziness and light-headedness. The event involved might be objectively trivial but. Drugs need not be involved at all. His neighbor had been making his daily walk home from the train station following work. It was only when he noticed that the telephone wires overhead were swaying back and forth that he realized the trauma was outside him. I felt water again trickling down my neck. Here I was. A flashback is triggered by some connection to a memorable event. Both of these occurred. that provided the context of the flashback. And. or piloting a Cessna 172 to Redding and refueling it there. then why not invoke any of the many other exposures I have had to remarkable phenomena? Maybe the climbing to the top of Mount Lassen. an intense LSD experience might focus your attention sharply on some sensory input. important. without question. Just a taste of this and he was catapulted back into an earlier time. in effect. Nothing more was needed for his flashback than a bite of a madeleine that had been dipped in lime-blossom tea. . If one wished to invoke past LSD use in any way as a contributing factor. sitting in my present day world. and he gave me another example. a re-experiencing of that input might bring back the memory of the LSD event. Blame the brain and the marvelous workings of the mind for the phenomenon. He was about five minutes from his home when the earthquake struck. A few days later I was telling this story to a friend. which can be sufficiently intense to. Re-read Proust's Swann's Way. Memorable? It is not really necessary that the remembered situation thought to be responsible for the flashback be documentably dramatic. and still is.

"So. I mean. I don't know what got into us! How is Peter. and your face popped up on the mental screen. you began by saying that you've got an unusual problem. THE INTENSIVE (Alice's voice) Audrey Fenn Redman came into my life — and I into hers — in a way that one would have to describe as decidedly unusual. but he's a full professor now. because he got to the point. after years of hearing nothing from me. "Glad you remember that lunch. It was a spring day in the 1980's. as far as I know. these days. so you'll have some idea of where this all started. Shura. but we had a lot of fun — " Shura interrupted with a laugh. because it'll save a lot of time. "He's fine. "Well. Audrey. I'll just give you a bit of background. I don't expect you to remember what we talked about.The Intensive 209 CHAPTER 14. I'm afraid — all that bouncing around of crazy ideas. and we don't talk on the phone much. and Shura answered the phone in his office. sorting photographs for an album. I certainly didn't expect that — especially considering that we only met once and don't really know each other — but that's what happened." Shura must have heard the increasing stress in her voice. and I'm — " Audrey interrupted him. "You're probably the only person I know who might make some sense of this. I haven't seen him in years." When I had the receiver to my ear. and seems to be pretty happy. the three of us." . I don't quite know how to — well. hurriedly. I was in the living room. "And it's such a weird story. by the way?" The woman said." the voice continued." Shura grunted encouragement. but I sent out a very strong request — I guess you could call it a prayer — for the universe to send somebody who could help me. when I heard the buzzer on my desk giving the code for. a woman's voice was saying. and listen in. here I am. "Pick up the phone quietly. I realize that sounds strange. "We certainly did! We left poor Peter floundering.

It's nothing like the Exorcist. then her husband got on the line and asked if he could bring her to me. in case you ever read it or saw the movie — " "Nope. I should remind you that I'm a psychologist and certified hypnotherapist. if he thought it was safe to have her in the car in this state while he drove. Cherry. It was just a few weeks ago." said Shura cheerfully. I'd never seen her in the middle of one with my own eyes. crying for help." said Shura. I told him to bring her over. "I have one patient who has a problem of the type I don't usually deal with. "Uh-huh. "I'm very good at what I do. why is she trying so hard to convince him? There was a fractional pause." "I have a patient. She's married to a very nice man who's genuinely worried about her. here in Marin County — I'm sure you know the town of Mill Creek?" "Sure. I've written a book and I'm doing very. "I also teach hypnotherapy. "Oh. and told him that I was about to open my home to an apparent case of demonic possession.210 TIHKAL — The Continuation "Go ahead. never did." Shura mumbled." continued Audrey. This lady is in her 20's." said Shura." said Shura. All this has been going on for years. thank God. "Just as well. "As soon as he'd hung up. and I suppose the reason I took her on was that it was a tremendous challenge. Easter. "I'm listening. obviously out of control. He's supportive and very patient. I phoned an old friend of mine who's a Jesuit priest. ever since she was a teenager. "Okay. either. so I could see for myself what one of these — these attacks — was like. and might help." "Yes. he just wants this whole business resolved. Anyway. "The only time the demonic stuff happens is during holy days — Christmas. Now we get to the big day." said Shura. then Shura said. very well. and I felt I had a lot to learn from trying to help her." began Audrey. It's a case of so-called demonic possession. then hastily interrupted herself. Easter — and that's not unusual in these cases." Audrey went on. and I could hear the creak of his leather office chair. I said it certainly couldn't hurt. I got a call at home — I live in a big house that sometimes doubles as my office — and there was my client. or were at least raised Catholic during their formative years." "Anyway." "Great. okay?" Funny. because the . "All right. Catholic — and I've got to tell you that the majority of possession cases are female and Catholic. and I thought he might want to practice the rites of exorcism. which meant he was settling back in it. I have private patients and I conduct seminars. of course.

She was breathing more evenly. Whatever. I wondered for a moment if she had any blood in her. thanking the priest. they live in the East Bay. and the husband and I sat on the other. and I heard the sound of quick swallowing. her husband hugged me. I mean. but of course he was intrigued and would gather up whatever he thought was necessary and hurry over. so he got to my house before the others. the only person there who wasn't completely satisfied with the whole thing was me. I caught sight of something out of the corner of my eye. A lot of intensity and passion and wonderful Latin phrases. her husband was with her." said Shura." muttered Shura. never spooked by anything. not in six years. She was so pale. you know?" "Yeah. Shura. she's never done that before." "Uh-huh. Shura. Not even when we had a small earthquake. obviously getting involved. too quick for me to turn and focus.The Intensive 211 victim was a Catholic. She stayed out all night. But I got them all out the door. And holy water. and watched while my Jesuit friend got to work. of course. Audrey paused. "And — ?" "It seemed to work. All this took about an hour. And just as I was starting to relax. I've never seen her frightened of anything!" I heard another pause and a couple of swallowing sounds. but I could tell he was excited at the prospect of actually seeing a case of possession — or presumed possession — live and in color. Or I. she was going so fast. Shura. Shura — she's a true Buddha-dog — growled and got up from the carpet where she'd been lying all evening. scrabbling desperately for purchase. as was I." . you understand. then I spent a lot of time calling for Hera. An impression. and there was more color in her face. Wonder if it's water or alcohol in the glass. Her throat is dry. but she wouldn't come. He said he'd never done one before. She was terrified. then Audrey continued. and told me he would use the waiting time to bone up on the exorcism ritual. She stopped shaking. "My friend the priest lives nearby. for the first time in his life. "I can imagine!" "When Cherry arrived. everybody was fine. It was a — an impression of a dark — a dark thing — a streak of black — moving very fast between Cherry's couch and the door to the dining room. "In just a few minutes. Hera. my!" said Shura. He was trying to be dignified and very serious. I've never seen her act that way. and the crying began to taper off. He showed me his little bottle of holy water. Then my big dog. He was very impressive. Cherry was back on her feet and full of smiles. and he really rose to the occasion. then she was gone. I helped her onto one couch." "Oh. her nails slipped on the wooden floor. and took off. she just wanted out of there. He'd done his homework. That's the first time. who is never.

or experience something. "Thank you. I haven't felt really normal since Easter. and I could hear the chair creak as he sat forward. "How about coming up here and meeting my wife. That's why I thought maybe you — " "Well. Alice. the truly weird part. Treat with the usual tranquilizers. Shura — and I don't know what I'm supposed to do with it. They aren't equipped to deal with this area. the conversation ended with her intense whisper. in my house. and it's not benign." There was a small pause. " "Uh-huh. the psychic. I know I'm supposed to learn something. After he had given her detailed directions to our place." said Shura. For one thing." said Shura. speaking slowly. the spiritual. Shura. I've been in a state — something happened to me that night." "I'm listening. my poor dog is a nervous wreck. but when I get home from the office. then lit another cigarette. Shura. I have questions like: am I supposed to resist this dark presence that seems to have attached itself to me. none of the people I know would have the slightest idea how to go about handling this kind of thing. "And the fact that you seem to be in an altered state would imply. and this is a state very much like being on a low dose of a drug." said Audrey. Shura. you know. that some sort of process is trying to work itself out. and there's something — I think it's left over from the exorcism. "Since that evening." interrupted Shura. but she agreed to clear her calendar for Wednesday of the following week. or change something. you know. At least. "Now we get to the really difficult part. as was I. I don't have to tell you what they'd say. I knew he was thinking hard. thank God. I took a lot of them when I was in college. when Shura would be home. should I call back my friend the priest and have him exorcise a nice Jewish girl who seems to have adopted a Catholic demon? Or am I supposed to seek it out and learn its nature and discover what it wants to teach me? You see my dilemma?" "I certainly can. Psychotic episode. and when she spoke again I could tell from the tone of Audrey's voice that the introduction of an unknown stranger into the mix wasn't what she had expected. to me. and we can talk about it and see what we come up with. So am I. I sense something here with me. so am I. but I don't know what it is. I feel as if I've taken some kind of strange psychedelic." he said. "Okay. sipped.212 TIHKAL — The Continuation Holding fingers over the mouthpiece of my phone. I reached for my coffee cup. I don't feel it all the time. almost absently. Have you talked to any of your peers? Other professionals who might — " "I can't go to anyone I know. "But that's not the worst part. Whether you .

grinning. blonde. as I shook her hand. It feels good to have told somebody. dark hair—?" "Uh — tall and skinny — yes. short. after a while. I'm afraid. it was only with the . As a matter of fact. and I saw for myself. as Audrey and I juggled our pretty balls in the air. until today. "I don't remember her that well. Shura eased himself into the big comfy armchair next to the bookcase. So I went out to lunch with them in some place off-campus. but we got caught up in our own little act. you know. "There was an old student of mine. and he'd have his girlfriend with him. Taller than I. while it wasn't pretty." "Okay. tall and thin and dark hair. We just kind of ignored him." "See you next week. had an attractive aliveness. I'm afraid — just showing off to each other. Not very nice. somewhat aggressive.The Intensive can help me or not. really. I don't mean we ganged up on him. I guess. after a moment's search through the memory bank. That's about it." Shura hurried into the living room." Shura said. It's just that. Never heard from her again." I chuckled at the mental picture. probably five feet six or seven. fat. thanks for listening to me. I thought. how do you like them potatoes?" "Pretty interesting. 'at Peter's expense'?" "Oh. thinking about poor ole Peter with his big smile getting smaller. yeah. "Well. I'll see for myself on Wednesday. We had a ball — at Peter's expense. having fun with our own brilliance. my friend. nothing like that. not my type. but a good sense of humor and a sparkle in the face. cocky young things who loves wordplay and puns and all that kind of stuff. what was your impression?" "Oh. When she smiled." I smiled back. then asked for more details about Audrey. either." "What do you mean. I felt a little bit ashamed afterwards. A heart-shaped face which." Audrey Redman arrived soon after noon. I don't think I heard from Peter again." he said. under a curly cap of reddish-brown hair. I think he felt somewhat left out. Let's see what we can do. He pretty much was. you know. "But I have the impression of a very. Pretty damned interesting. very sharp mind. Peter Somebody-or-other — his name'll come back to me — and he phoned and said he wanted to collar me for lunch. Somewhere in her late thirties. I'm afraid I forgot about both of them. and it was hard to stop because we were both flying high. and she turned out to be one of those super-smart." "Tall. It really does. with deeply intelligent hazel eyes. "And maybe you can fill me in on your lunch with her all those years ago.

After I'd done my hostess thing. this lady. The tension around her eyes smoothed out gradually. and that's still spooking my beautiful dog? Whatever it is — wherever it's from — what am I supposed to learn?" "You teach hypnotherapy. And I'm still feeling a shadow of it — a piece of it — in my house. to say the least. But I do believe in the existence of evil. I'm going around in a state that feels pretty much off baseline. as we talked. "I have to admit I'm afraid. What do I do to get rid of this entity — or the residue that I keep sensing in my place. no rejection of anything she was saying. and I just have to get out." I said. one hand making a gesture of emphasis. Audrey. at least in the world of human beings. had been abandoned by now." All attempts at smiling. I think I told you. and I don't believe in the devil. feeling that there was more to come. "And nothing I've experienced. "The trance state makes . demanding something." said Audrey. "What am I supposed to do with all of it? That's the major question. "And the results have been disturbing. manifest somehow. "I've never had anything like this happen before. I wasn't ready for that. with a touch of impatience. weighing me down. all hell breaks loose. I sat down with both of them at the dining room table and we began to talk. not the eyes. The mental screen fills up with images and they're all dark. only strong interest and acceptance." I waited. She glanced up at each of us in turn. not wanting to distract her. and her hands gripped each other on the table. Shura told Audrey that he had filled me in on the basic story. "Have you tried getting into trance. or sounding lighthearted." she answered. and I began asking questions. Audrey's initial hesitation in talking about this private and difficult matter with a woman she'd only just met seemed to disappear as she heard in my voice no skepticism. And something evil was made — well — almost physical. as if something's sitting on my chest. in years of working with people's darker sides. Must be a lot of fear inside. pushing on me. I feel as if I'm under attack. I've got to tell you. I wondered briefly if she was afraid they would shake if she let them loose. serving iced tea and a plate of cookies. I can't get any light in at all. which was what I intended her to hear. She's holding herself under strict control." she said with a short laugh. prepared me for that — whatever that thing was which left Cherry and raced across the room. And which I think is still in my home. I'm not a Catholic. As soon as I go into trance. Audrey's shoulders were slumped. as Shura would say.214 TIHKAL — The Continuation mouth. in that room. to see what comes up?" "Of course I have.

" I replied. to see if you can get some new perspective on what's happening to you. I had even reached the point at which you understand that mistakes are going to happen. Shura and I had already discussed the possibility of my working with Audrey. if it seemed appropriate when I had a chance to talk to her. and I'm a highly untrained one. demanding. perhaps one a week. and occasionally seemed to have helped a great deal. I was learning quite a lot of humility. Nonetheless." All three of us were silent for a moment. If it doesn't work. obviously intelligent woman. and I stay away from animus women. without defensiveness. but that's all. "Have you ever heard of a drug called MDMA. I could never work with someone like this. I certainly don't volunteer to do therapy with them. very slowly. signed by the wellknown Anonymous. Audrey?" "Yes. and was gradually gaining a certain amount of confidence in myself as a therapist. I wrote this and a corresponding one on another drug called 2C-B." I apologized. with you. I felt a hollow in my stomach. Especially considering the fact that she's a highly trained therapist. of course. I had done no harm. I had gone through the inevitable mistakes and learned from them. whose attitude and somewhat staccato way of talking managed to make it clear that she wasn't the type to suffer fools gladly. I'm sorry. learning how to guide people through an experience of MDMA. I seemed to have an instinct for how to go about it. not a psychedelic. I didn't explain what I had in mind.The Intensive 215 me feel too vulnerable. "What I had in mind was possibly trying a session with MDMA. But now I was facing this sharp-edged. Why?" "Well. using MDMA. and the only thing that matters is being aware of them and admitting errors openly to yourself and the client." "In what way?" "Oh. So far. impatient. yes. I saw very few people. and I think it might be of help to you. It might help trigger some kind of breakthrough. I'm simply not that sure of myself or what I know. "It's a quite extraordinary drug. I've heard some mentions of it. already feeling like the idiot I would undoubtedly prove myself to be if I tried working with this person. This is an animus woman. This is the kind of female I stay away from. Judgmental. so I've given up trying to get answers that way. Every time I began work with a new client. It's a superb tool for psychotherapy. I heard myself saying. At this time in my life I had begun. in order to gain insight into their problems. . I have a paper I'll give you which describes its effects. I faced as calmly and honestly as I could my own lack of experience and inadequacy of knowledge. during the previous year or so. but something else. a few years ago.

what the hell. "I just wanted you to see that side of me. Oh. On the other hand." muttered Audrey. It works for an awful lot of people. you won't get any insights. After a moment. at least." I said. You know. her face showing relief and even pleasure at my response." "Who tells you?" I grinned at him." I nodded. Audrey. and the whole demon thing is intriguing. she's really in a bind. worked with a young man suffering from cancer. Why am I doing this? I don't know if I like this lady. She said. in a sunlit room in Arizona. that's what it sounds like to me. Suddenly. "Make yourself comfortable on the couch. or so they tell me. It'll just make me that much more uncomfortable about the whole prospect. she looked up and turned to Shura. and I can't work with someone I don't like. Audrey. to use in seminars.216 TIHKAL — The Continuation then you certainly won't be the worse for it. I tape some of my hypnotherapy sessions." "Sure. a woman with the warmth of a loving mother. What do you think? Want to give it a try?" "Jesus. During the next hour. picking up the remote control and sitting myself down on a large floor pillow. who was trying to smile and not quite managing it. Audrey's face brightened. but — after all — what can you lose? You seem to be up against a brick wall. "I've brought a tape with me." I said." She followed me and watched while I took the tape from her and put it into the VCR. and I thought you might want to know that side of me. quietly. What if the tape confirms the aspects of her which already make me uneasy? I can't go back on my offer. may as well watch it and see what I can learn. Tears were drying on my cheeks when the tape ended. anyway." said Audrey. It can't hurt to do one session and see what happens. and you may feel a bit tired the next day. the intuition and instincts of a truly inspired therapist. At worst. I'd love to see it. I watched mesmerized as a completely different Audrey. "That's where the TV is. and seemingly infinite patience. "Oh — people. it can't hurt you. And. feeling less than maximum enthusiasm." This Audrey — the one on the tape — THIS Audrey I could work with! . facing the television. and blew my nose on a Kleenex. the occasional grateful survivor!" "Right!" We both laughed and turned back to our guest. dropping her head into her hands. "Let's take it into the living room. Why don't you give it a try? Alice is pretty good at doing this kind of thing. "What do you think about this? Should I do it?" "It's a good drug. as Alice says. "Hoo Boy!" I said. rising. "And how I work. it shows how I work.

"Even if it turns out to be less effective than you might like. eyes closed. I gave Audrey only 100 milligrams of the drug. We had begun. If there was a crucial breakthrough in progress when the sixth hour ended. it'll give you a chance to know the material. but most people aren't that bothered by them." I stayed silent. very gentle. It's coming in waves. and spoke only to comment on the effects of the drug. get comfortable with it. slowed and dropped slightly in pitch. human and animal. but finally they lay at her sides as she breathed slowly. It was as if. which she always chose to take at the appropriate time. which no longer threatened her. I told her. using MDMA at the level of 120 milligrams and adding a supplement of 40 milligrams. to help the process. But there's no obligation to do so. and that she could talk or not. we would keep going until it was resolved. as she became aware of them. walk around — whatever was comfortable for her. "Yes. I see what you mean when you said it's like no other sensation you've ever had. because — although that amount is considered rather low — I've seen it result in a full-blown plus-three in a sensitive person. and noted that it had already softened. Audrey chose to lie down on the couch during the transition. Audrey came up to the Farm one day each week. once she had made the decision to uncover and understand her own buried darkness. It took time for her hands to relax. okay? The only negatives will be a slight increase in the jaw clench and nystagmus. in two weeks. and we can up the dosage level a bit next time. She employed the trance state. as it tended to do during sessions. and the first clue that one could employ it successfully with MDMA. Wonder if she's letting herself go into trance? She was. I listened to my own voice. as I always do with first times. "If you really want the supplement — if things are going well for you. she could have a supplement of 40 milligrams.The Intensive 217 We made an appointment for an exploratory session using MDMA. watching her. the images had been clear and powerful. For the first time. and we would work together for around six hours. without any suggestion of the confusion and murky dangerousness she had run into before. We called the sessions . her psyche opened and sent images of teachers. and you want it to continue at full effect for another hour — you can take it. but would simply stretch it out longer before it began declining." I told her that she could do anything she felt like during the transition — sit. as she wished. I think I like it." I also reminded her that. at about the hour and a half point. lie down. From the first session. It was my first experience with someone who was familiar with hypnotic trance. which wouldn't increase the effect at all.

dirty little maggot-becomebaby which was my unconscious self-image. growing up with an emotionally cold mother and a manipulative. my own Beast. at a rate of her own choosing. and from whose top the lava of fury and outrage could be dribbled. "I can see how years and years of anger and frustration must have built up. anyway — when I had visualized myself opening a door in my stomach and tucking inside it for warmth and nurturing the pathetic." Audrey grinned.218 TIHKAL — The Continuation "intensives. she reported the gradual diffusion of the hostile strangeness which had haunted her house for the past many weeks. your unconscious begins to let go of the fear of having the whole world blow up. Becoming mother to my rejected child-self. could be located. and never stopped to realize I hadn't done my own!" Early in our work. but this was the first time I had worked in such depth with repressed dark side material — what Carl Jung called the Shadow — and it was both exhausting and tremendously exciting. most of them having to do with her childhood. just a bit. Funny. "It's beginning to look to me like it was a form of my own dark side. if any of that outrage is let loose. to the point where my psyche felt it couldn't risk ventilating any of it. how I've done dark side work with patients for years and years. which she could find just above her navel. a mountain full of red-hot lava. judgemental father. safely. "When you practice letting that lava begin to flow. cringing. old and new. of getting lost in the firestorm. because there was just so much. It was clamoring for my attention. "Oh. Over the weeks. What do you think?" "I suspect you're right on the money. "And find out you can stop it whenever you want to. what I called "The Maggot At The Bottom Of The Well. and had learned a great deal about many aspects of the human unconscious (including my own)." she said. As you said." "Yes. giving it that attention. And it must mean you're doing what your psyche wanted you to do with it." she told me cheerfully. while her unconscious self-image grew darker and more twisted." I said. I also gave her the image of the volcano. needing to get resolved. again." "Have any idea why it left?" "Well. one day. We dealt with the images and emotions that arose. . Now that I'm working it through. trying to salvage what she could of self-validation." and the resolution — or the beginning of it." Audrey nodded. self-hating. and it took the exorcism as an opportunity to emerge. "Hera's acting her old self." I had been doing such sessions with other people. where anger. there's no need for it to hang around. I had told her about my experience of my own dark side. yes. "I think the nasty from Easter has gone.

"You've done tremendous work today. black. But it's still hard to approach it with anything but disgust." said Audrey. gradually. How can I like something like that — accept it — even if it serves a protective purpose?" "It looks the way it does because it represents everything you were afraid you were. opening her eyes. the part of you concerned only with keeping you alive and well. So. Audrey finally faced her monster. we both watched the black. grief-stricken child. until finally she trapped it and moved toward it. This was tough stuff. intellectually. It kept trying to slide out of sight. you developed an unconscious self-image of something unlovable. after months of work. one extraordinary day. safe from harm. we took the next step. Finally. some stirrings of pity for the unloved little girl who had grown to believe that this monster was who she was. yes?. my dear. just power — tremendous power!" "How do you feel about it. either physical or emotional." "That's okay." "My God. anymore. "So the monster is also the Survivor. and I moved over to the couch with Audrey and held her as she sobbed in my . nasty. strong lady. Of course. it had nothing to fear but being uncovered. No. completely unacceptable. it would take all of me with it!" When. and had never before been looked at with the conscious mind. because only a monster would have such a hard time getting anyone to show love and acceptance. The little girl became a monster. I mean. spider-like entity which didn't expect to be seen. now? Do you still hate it?" "Yes. Not hate. It's a part of me that I can't help rejecting. and you did it!" During the following weeks. very strong. your parents never validated you." I said. you can see that it can actually be your ally. moving slowly against Audrey's emotional resistance. "What an amazing experience! I actually liked being inside it. once it settled in as resident beast. there was no fear at all. if you have to be a beast. dislike.The Intensive 219 there must have been a deep-seated fear that if it blew. so it became very. Then. and you deserve to pat yourself on the back for being a damned courageous. filthy horror gradually transform into a huddled. looking out through its eyes — and discovered its exhilarating strength. the entire identity that was Audrey. may as well be the bestest beast on the block!" "I know. "Once you get inside its skin. its determination to keep the entire structure. working on having her take the spider thing into her arms. its lack of fear." replied Audrey. to feel the beginnings of compassion for it. when you were a kid." I reassured her. she managed the most terrifying step of all — moving into the monster. Alice. it was a furry. It's still a monster. "I understand all that. deep in the trance state. honey.

And I want to ask you something. I know we are." she said. But please give it some real thought. "It's done. smiling fully now. leaving Audrey sitting up on the couch. The one problem for you might be the distance you'll have to drive to get here. Uncounted time later. and I think you'll find it tremendously exciting. Just one or two patients a week." "Well. in fact I'm doing beautifully. and the growth of one of the most extraordinary relationships I've ever had with another human being. We had decided. It's going to be very interesting. that if for any reason I felt it was too much." Thus began my two years of work as a co-therapist with one of the most gifted healers in this country. but something. at the far end of the town. I'll make sure you have the material. But I knew there was a lot for me to learn. at the most. Don't answer right away. Thank you for asking me. Be co-therapist with me. okay? Phone me when you've made a decision. honey. She met me at my car and pulled me by the . Alice. as I told Audrey. okay?" "Sure. tears drying on her cheeks. They've done their basic work. I became the Good Mother she'd never had. We're finished. to say the least. she said. I think we'd make a hell of a team." "Yes. I'll pay you. "I'll give it a try. just for certain very special patients I've already gone a long way with. they're people I know can go further. you know how to go about it. grinning broadly. What is it?" "I want you to work with me. you know. Think about it." I said. having talked it over with Shura. It's over an hour from your place.220 TIHKAL — The Continuation arms. please. "Well. Take your time and consider everything. In reply to my question. m'dear. Two weeks later. two-story Victorian house in the hills behind the town of Mill Creek. sweetheart. and what you and I did together makes me believe it can be done with them. if I can introduce them to MDMA. I would simply stop. You have a gift for it. You've done it. Not much. you know. and I went over to her and we held each other tightly. rocking the long adult body which had been taken over by an agonized four-year-old. DAN Audrey lived in a sprawling. I cried with her. "There's no reason you can't do it yourself. She stood up and held out her arms." I said." "I want to work with you. I returned to my chair. I had a phone call from Audrey. or not working out for me. "I'm doing very well." I called her two days later. give it some thought. and this was the way to do it. but they're capable of a lot of spiritual growth. beginning to smile.

you know — somebody who's ready for a breakthrough and needs to have more than the usual hour or two. I don't know what else to call it. "Would you like some coffee?" "Sure. and the light coming through them shone softly on the chestnut-satin surface of a long coffee-table." I grinned back at her." I followed her into the kitchen and looked around while she set to work with an espresso machine sitting on the tile counter. red brick fireplace. you'll be happy to hear!" "Of course." "The intensive." "It's already nine. a dining room with an oval." said Audrey. "Okay. "Sit down. The only other name that 221 . and my creative juices don't start flowing until after four in the afternoon. do you?" "The intensive seems the best term to use. "How do you like it?" She was beaming at me. It's a dream-house.The Intensive hand through a short wooden gate to show me the large. "How could it be otherwise?" We took our coffee cups into the living room and curled up at opposite ends of her favorite couch. A grey-blue rug covered some of the parquet floor. carefully tended garden in back of the house. held in place by a variety of magnets. both of us dressed comfortably in blue jeans." I said. grey tweed couches at right angles to each other. and the living room where we would do our work. There were high windows on three sides of the room. I used to be part of the rat-race. so a bit of caffeine is a help at whatever the hell hour this is in the morning. I saw two long. I'm a night person. and laughed as I read them." I nodded. "Coffee would be great right now. sit down. yes. I'm usually on this couch. "You have my taste in humor. and also. her face full of a child's transparent pride. "The reason I asked you to come an hour ahead of the patient is so that I could give you some background on him. you ninny! Most of the world is hard at work. there was a big kitchen. for more years than I care to remember. "Yeah. highly polished table. Inside. earning a living!" I laughed." "I thought you saw your patients — clients — in an office?" "Most of them. and I put my client on the other one. facing a big. But there's an occasional one I'll do a long session with. smiling." she said. That sort of thing. I suppose so. On the refrigerator I saw several cartoons from various magazines. I thought we could talk about how best to go about doing this new — this kind of therapy. "Absolutely beautiful. Audrey put a hand on my arm. I usually have them come here. as a matter of fact. Mornings are my worst time.

More than discrete. There was a nice. It's still something one has to be discrete about. "But there are a few absolute rules which have to be followed consistently. so I assumed it was all right to smoke. Someday. at least for now. after all. there are several things I'd like to go through with you. We can't be careless about them." "Okay. not to the bathroom." I drank some coffee. have the MDMA already in a glass." I agreed. MDMA's not illegal — and if the gods are on our side. By the way. it never will be — but that doesn't matter. is there anything I don't already know from working with you?" I sat forward. okay. tell him — or her — that it tastes awful by itself. He has ." "Doing psychotherapy with psychoactive drugs isn't exactly mainstream. although a lot of therapists have been doing it for a long time. let's go with the dignified one. you can't. "The first rule is that you must get the drug out ahead of time. before the client comes. "Secret panel behind toilet. "Okay. "I can't afford to have any rumors going around that Doctor Redman is giving her clients mind-altering drugs. We might want to use something someday that is illegal — one of the great classic psychedelics like LSD or mescaline or whatever — for people who are ready for it. but not yet. we'll figure out as we go along. Long Session. big ceramic ashtray on the table. and if it's the first time. deep hole between the dahlias. and just in case we decide to do that. then rummaged in my purse for a pack of cigarettes and lit one. No problem. "And here comes rule number two. "Yeah. we need to have a system in place that'll protect you.222 TIHKAL — The Continuation comes to mind is The Long. picking up her coffee. "Most details. and that most people like to mix it in fruit juice. and you must put it in a safe place. I'll bring you the MDMA. I know. "Well. now. or maybe The Never-ending Session!" I chuckled. the second rule is this: under no circumstances do you let him take his glass out of the room — which will probably be the kitchen — before he's emptied it. all right?" "Go ahead. no exceptions. Nobody should ever see where you keep it. It has to remain totally secret." she smiled. for God's sake!" "No." she said." I said. "Now." "Yes." I began. enough for quite a few sessions. the political climate may change and we can all go public. somewhere very private. "So when your patient gets here." "Sure. things I feel are really important. down the road. and tell him to drink it down. Then you pour out his choice of juice into the glass and make whatever appropriate blessing you want." Audrey nodded. not out to the garden.

or if he's already launched into one. If a patient is on the edge of an important breakthrough. there's all that energy flying around loose." I laughed. They all make sense." "Yes. we just keep going and I apologize to the next patient — if I've got one waiting — or phone and shift later people around. water or juice. We never leave a patient stuck in the middle of something important. the patient tends to get tired. no one leaves until he's completely baseline. good!" "The intensives have to be basically open-ended." replied Audrey. it's the way I want to do things. six hours will be enough. "The third rule. Yes." I went on. I . "Oh. "Is my own personal one. I've explained all that to Dan. It means that you always have deniability. it doesn't matter how many hours have gone by. good. none at all. "Most of my trance sessions are ninety minutes. the patient could have taken the MDMA or whatever before coming to your house. huh?" "Yup. like ozone in the air before a storm!" "Uh-huh. as you know." I nodded. in other words. even with someone you've known for years and trust absolutely. "But if the door's ready to open. and you begin to hear repetition instead of new stuff. This rule has to be followed." Audrey smiled and leaned forward over her knees. you can feel it. but it's necessary. No exceptions. throughout the session. okay?" "I've always followed that rule." I beamed at her. but if something erupts at the end of that time. Okay? Deniability. no one can prove that you supplied the drug. we keep on going until he's out the other side." There was a brief silence. "No traces of evidence. "Most of the time." I said. so that you won't ever have to tell them that they're not allowed to drink it out of your sight. "Everyone has to be reminded to drink something. you can smell it coming. Alice.The Intensive 223 to drink it down as you watch. regardless of how tired we are. "I have no difficulty with any of those rules. "Deniability. then Audrey said. Then you take his glass and rinse it out under the tap." "Yeah. and if there's any doubt at all. the patient you'll see today." "The rest you know from your own experience." "Yes." She nodded." I took a moment to draw on my cigarette and sip my coffee. exactly. which was getting cool. It's not a safety thing. he has to stay the night. It's an unpleasant bit of paranoia. "We both know that one!" She sat back against the couch." "This way. You'll find that most people will go along with the little ceremony and not ask questions.

She lives far down on the . "Someday." He's her patient. "You know. I think it should be a part of the intensive." "Yes." "I've made all that absolutely clear to Dan. "Okay. By the end of that time. that I will never bring up the subject of a psychoactive drug with a patient until I've worked with him." I nodded. what's that?" "A contract. or her. "Didn't mention that. what do I need to know?" Audrey started to answer. she'd forgotten that part. It was taught me by one of my best teachers. you've got to meet her." "Good. tall guy. and that's a no-no. And I told him he can't have a friend or relative pick him up. I grinned approval. but I'll rely on you to really know your people very well before you make that decision. "Yes. "Which is. Thanks for reminding me. Mommy. someone who can learn and keep growing. before I talk about Dan. putting her coffee cup down on the table." "Who is this Ruth?" I asked." I said. I have to trust her instincts." "No problem. what should I know?" "First. never pin down exactly where or when it happened. I'd like to run this by you. instead of driving his own car. let me reiterate something I've already told you." I smiled. because that would mean involving another person in what's going on here. then tell me about him. after we were through working together. Ruth drummed this into me. I can be pretty sure of whether or not we've got a good candidate. so I thought one hundred might be a little light for him. for a minimum of six months — generally closer to a year — and I feel he's completed his basic work on whatever his problems are. and caught herself. and I think it applies just as much to work with these drugs as it does to hypnotherapy alone. and under no circumstances with whom. And. And forty for a supplement if he wants one. Already done. "I usually told the people I worked with that it was okay if they wanted to tell someone close to them about their experiences. years ago. but they must never. Have you got Daniel's MDMA weighed out already. There may be exceptions. She looked intently at me and said. He's a big. by the way. He understands. if he doesn't want to risk the chance of getting stuck overnight." said Audrey.224 TIHKAL — The Continuation said he could take a taxi here and back home. in the kitchen?" "Yes. it's a good rule. One hundred twenty milligrams. I'll be sure to tell him today. does Dan understand the precautions about talking on the phone?" Audrey's face gave me the answer. "Now.

" I fastened my eyes on Audrey's face.The Intensive 225 Peninsula. 'You will not die on my time.'" I nodded my head vehemently. you can and should talk about it. because your death would cause me harm. people have been known to meet up with the door to the other side — it happened to me that day on peyote — and they've been tempted to go through it. or the therapy never gets going. for exactly that purpose — and let him go to it. Or. nodding. "What do you do for a patient who needs to act out something intense. but she taught me the best of what I know about the use of trance. "I always make a contract — a verbal contract — with my patients before beginning hypnotherapy. And they have to agree to each provision without reservations. That often happens at a certain point in the therapy. or the sexual abuser?" Audrey nodded. It works." continued Audrey. I will supply both the opportunity and the means. to put it another way. Otherwise. although any and all feelings of hostility can be freely expressed in the session. for any reason. and you will not cause me harm. She's probably never even heard of MDMA or mescaline or any of those things. the anger may not be physically acted out against me or my possessions. If the acting out of a traumatic event is needed. No matter what the fantasy or urges or whatever. and what I do is put a padded mat and a pillow on the floor and hand the client an old sheet — I have a stack of worn-out sheets and halfsheets in my closet. "Is that. and they're tempted. "Finally. "And I insist that they repeat the words of the contract. tearing the sheet." "Great!" I said.but somebody else might be." "Let me ask a quick question. whether I am their object or not. but no physical acting out allowed. as I will not cause you harm. and she's a tiny dynamo of a woman who knows more about hypnotherapy than anyone except the Founding Pillars. but applies to sexual feelings. Why didn't that occur to me? Of course. the first time." I interrupted. I didn't . if an opportunity to go over the threshold into death presents itself in the trance state. with some horses she loves like members of the family. acting the whole thing out against the symbolic Bad Guys. pounding the pillow. I wasn't. listening intently. bless her. thinking carefully about what they mean. they are not to do so. Audrey smiled and went on. like killing the bad parent. I want to be sure that the unconscious mind hears all of it clearly. "Yes. "The second rule is exactly the same as number one." said Audrey. "The first rule. I believe most hypnotherapists do something like that. anger and hate will not cross the line into physical action. they must agree that. in my house or office.

She knows the fire mountain and the fear of letting the lava out.226 TIHKAL — The Continuation realize that could happen in trance. Since these people will all have worked with you for a long time. shifting her legs and raising one hand to check her watch. "Of course. it just says. "— and having to hate and punish themselves for it forever after. He asked me if I thought it might have anything to do with what we'd been working on in therapy. "I know the way I said it sounds cold and uncaring. there are rules that have to be followed. here's the background on Daniel. "It's so obvious. and it had gotten so bad. He has to do a lot of flying. Without a contract." "Agreed." For a deeply depressed patient." I said. when it's time to return. no matter what might happen during the session. it can mean escape from pain and desolation. but you see. ahead of time." I asked. It's a great idea!" Audrey waved a hand. whenever he had to take a plane." said Audrey. Audrey went on." I said. as well as with trance work! I simply never thought of it in terms of an actual contract you could make with the patient. That's an interesting sort of question! Pretty insightful. when we worked together. when you put it into words. His unconscious mind will register the fact that. He's an engineer. because I've supplied a safe structure within which he can let loose. too. they'll already be familiar with it." I summarized." replied Audrey. it'll burn up the world. and he works as a trouble-shooter for a large company with several branches across the country. he told me he was having trouble with his legs. herself." "Hmmm. as the unconscious perceives it — of doing terrible damage to something or someone — " "If that volcano erupts. that's what should be done before any session with a psychoactive drug. "Now. "Okay. It doesn't entice you. "One of the advantages of having it spelled out that way. the client's reaction will be a sudden shock of understanding that we're talking about real life and death. he'd finally had to ask his doctor for a prescription analgesic." And that death door is usually so friendly and welcoming. We just say it again and emphasize that the rules of the contract apply to psychoactive drug therapy exactly as they do to hypnotherapy. and that this was a problem he'd never had before. People with tremendous repressed rage are always unconsciously afraid of letting it out in some kind of explosion. "Here is the way back home. of course. "His presenting complaint was a mild . Just a few months ago. "We lay out the contract in detail before the first session. "What had you been working on in therapy?" "Well. the temptation to go through could be overwhelming. because of the possibility — the probability." She went through it. is that the client unconsciously feels freer in expressing whatever heavy stuff comes up.

he's getting pretty reluctant to get on a plane. "There wasn't anything spectacular in his background. you know. he got himself a prescription for Percocet. "Okay. okay?" I nodded. A few months ago. without embarrassing himself or others." continued Audrey. opened it and removed a sheet of paper. as you can imagine. I think. who adopted the father's military mind-set. She read to me. "Or so I thought. no!" She waved her hands. and any attention at all to the workings of your own mind or psyche is selfindulgent poppycock. in particular. That's what led him to go looking for a therapist. working on his relationship with his father." she supplied. in Pennsylvania. until. The kind of people who'll consult a psychiatrist only when a family member has gone totally bonkers and is running plumb 227 naked down Main Street." I made a sour face in recognition. you know. "Then. I've got some notes here." "Then. as soon as the plane is airborne. to try to get a handle on what was happening." "And you've worked with him —" "For about seven months. we were doing pretty well. to use will-power and self-control and just get through the bad patches. with a couple of recent panic attacks which had gotten his attention. the kind of thing that makes you fidgety. "For ordinary problems of life. the aches became shooting pains. and you can't walk up and down the aisles all the time — " Audrey looked at me and put down the paper. Percocet. mostly it's a picture of a large family. if that's not possible. eight weeks ago. He was actually the principal of an elementary school. emotion is weakness. He says he doesn't like taking it because it makes him feel groggy. and every time he flew — and it happened that he was doing a lot of flying at that point — it got more painful. I understand. and his job depends to a great ." "His father was in the military?" "No." She leaned over and picked up an olive colored folder from the floor. they start hurting. Etcetera." continued Audrey. a real man doesn't display his feelings. shrieking that the Martians are chasing him." I smiled. "A 'real' man is expected to solve them solo or. "It's my legs. and it doesn't knock the pain completely out — it just takes the edge off — and this whole business is beginning to affect his work because. middle class. Yes. it was just sort of an ache.The Intensive chronic depression which had been going on for years. apparently. as I said. from the tapes of that session. "We'd been doing pretty well. "I didn't mean he was — I said a military mind-set. Daniel came up with this leg problem. 'cause you keep wanting to stretch them. actually.

And. all of a sudden. and wanted to know how soon we could do it!" I smiled. "That it hasn't got something to do with cabin pressure. for the second time. "He's pointed out. "And it's probably because this guy learns fast and has a lot of courage. I emphasized the fact that MDMA is not considered a psychedelic drug. and the leg pain is a way for his unconscious to get his attention. when I was summarizing its effects." Audrey added. We haven't been able to dig up anything seminal about legs in his childhood. he leaned forward instead of sitting back. for over twenty years. this brand new problem starts up. trying to remember. of course." she closed her eyes. without any trouble. illustrating both reactions with some exaggeration. and told him about the jaw-clench and nystagmus — especially the first time — he seemed mostly curious. of course. "And once I'd explained the effects. in the same kinds of planes. your boy!" Audrey said he was one of her favorite patients.228 TIHKAL — The Continuation extent on his willingness to fly. why do you — and he — think it's psychological?" Audrey smiled. that he's been flying the same airlines. "And that's why I thought maybe we could give MDMA a try. eh?" I laughed and said. "I think it was along the lines of: 'I have this feeling that there's something I'm not supposed to look at — taboo in some way — ." "What makes you think." "And hypnosis hasn't cracked it?" "Nope." she smiled. quite reasonably." "What was his reaction when you brought up the subject of MDMA?" "He was surprised. see if there's anything down inside there that can be shaken loose." "How long does the pain last. that he should pay attention to. after he's back on the ground?" "He says it lingers for a few hours. just when we've begun getting into some very loaded areas of his childhood. "Sounds pretty insightful. Then." I asked her. "Good for him!" "He did his share of experimentation in college.'" She opened her eyes and looked at me. he grows. "Who am I to argue. in other words. and he's the kind who makes use of everything I can give him. although he said something really interesting in the last session. You know what I mean — he doesn't waste anything he gets. and there is no loss of control . or some other conditions on board the plane? I mean. then fades away completely. but the message definitely came through that his unconscious feels there's something about his legs that's important." She grinned at me. "So the idea of altering his perceptions isn't a brand new one for him. but his body language was positive. He says he senses there's something pushing at him from the inside.

rocking hug. "Ready and willing — and starving. My stomach's flip-flopping a bit." "Sure. I'm going to do a final check. Clamato." I asked. "Hey. Lovely smile. and he'd know he could trust you completely!" I grinned. almost handsome. your psyche has a big blank screen to project onto. naming them as she put them on the counter. "I simply told him that you were my second mother. by the way — so I hope you have some coffee around because I need it. All sorts of neat little anxieties tend to pop up when you're about to take a drug you haven't had before. He should be here any moment. as there can be with high doses of some psychedelics. I stood up and moved around the table. He was tall and his body. "Good grief!" Audrey got up and gestured. and a cheerful male voice called out. "Tropical fruit. here I am!" he said. seriously!" Audrey chuckled and handed him a mug of her morning brew." I said. Nice flat stomach. Grey in the hair. huh?" "Yup. Audrey? I'm here!" "Come into the kitchen." Audrey shouted back. but you won't get any of the usual visual effects. and that you had introduced me to this kind of therapy. I gather Audrey's told you that this material isn't a psychedelic. but that's to be expected.The Intensive with it. Intelligent face with clean bones. "Anything new like this. It means touching within. my eyes on the man coming through the door. then leaned forward with a suggestion of a bow. "Come with me to the kitchen. There — that pretty much does it!" There was the sound of a door opening and closing in the front of the house. in old jeans and a light blue cotton shirt. Eyes warm. the good one. After that. unless you're a very rare bird indeed. Suspect he's got a good sense of humor. and watched Audrey as she brought out three bottles of juice from the refrigerator. "What does he know about me. was obviously in good shape. showing very white teeth. and searched my face openly while the introductions were being made." 229 . he turned around to Audrey and gave her a big. "Well. and how does he feel about having a stranger brought into this situation?" Audrey smiled broadly. maybe mid-forties? He smiled at me. There's a name for this kind of drug: entactogen. By the way." I sat down at the kitchen table. It does change consciousness. strong handshake. I assured him that all he'd have to do is see your face. and shook my hand. cranberry. I guess. "Still up for it.

very few people have ever heard it. honey. "After the first hour and a half. There was a small silence." Audrey asked him if he had made arrangements for getting himself home without having to drive. "I think taxis are the best solution. which is the usual therapeutic dose. and on this journey. all set." Voice gentle. and only a very. He said." "Okay. where . and said directly to him. and why couldn't I just drive myself home. No use taking chances. then Audrey handed me a tall glass of water with ice cubes in it." said Daniel. I like it. what we call the plateau. which is forty milligrams. When Dan had emptied his glass. you'll probably be fine for driving when you're finished. and they can be distracting. agreeably." I said. for another hour. When she had finished. "Blessings on us. so I use it. "Never heard the term. right?" "Yes. and the only thing it'll do for you is simply extend the maximum effect. "Also. it should be enough to give you a full experience. I got here by taxi. I continued. of course. but it'll give you a longer plateau to work with. there are no have-to's in this experience. and I could imagine a friend asking what the heck was going on. Audrey rinsed it quickly under the tap. I didn't want to have to think up explanations for anyone I know." said Dan. Dan." "It was coined a very short time ago. Depending on how well you do with this amount. but not enough to clobber you. "The fact is. if you want to stay where you are for a while longer — if everything's working well for you — you can ask for a supplement. and Audrey poured it carefully into the wine glass containing the MDMA powder." I said. nicely spoken. and raised one of her own. I'd like to reinforce what Audrey told you about this drug not threatening any loss of control. Six hours is a sort of unusually long time for a therapy session. and sipped his coffee. and I'll just call them when I'm ready to go. as long as you don't live too far away. I should add: don't hesitate to turn it down. "Yeah. It won't overwhelm you the way some of the psychedelics might. "I'm giving you exactly one hundred and twenty milligrams. all right?" "Right. she handed the glass to Dan. it just doesn't happen. It won't increase the effect at all. That just isn't the way it works." Audrey took his empty coffee cup and patted his arm. saying. but even when you're back to baseline there are sometimes light flashes at the edges of your field of vision.230 TIHKAL — The Continuation "Entactogen?" said Dan." Daniel chose cranberry juice. Then she took his hand and we all went into the living room. we can make adjustments in dosage for further sessions — if we decide to do further sessions.

If I get very angry about something or feel real hostility toward you. Now the other two — can you remember the other conditions?" "Ummm — yeah. He said. for some reason. sit down for a moment. "I think I'll just stroll around outside and look at your pretty flowers. honey. leaning forward on her knees. In other words. because it would cause serious problems for you. I can talk about it. smiling. Agreed." said Audrey." "Oh?" He sat on the edge of the couch. what Alice and I need from you is an agreement that the contract applies also to this kind of session. talk to me about what you feel. the same rules apply as when your altered state is due to hypnotic trance. "This is your place. if I need to. Same thing as the aggressive stuff. but said nothing. if you don't mind?" "Stroll ahead. pretty much. and do damage to you. yes. I think one had to do with getting aggressive. "Do you remember the contract you made with me the first day?" "Yeah. if I have a chance to go through an opening of some kind that I know leads me to — to death. Dan." said Audrey." Then he looked over at me. Dan went over to the large window that overlooked the garden in back. but the idea.The Intensive the sunlight greeted us." Dan's face wore an expression of seriousness. I can talk about it all I want. the third rule had to do with sexual feelings. just don't act on it. She lowered herself slowly into the corner opposite me and asked him. We're going to redo the contract. and a hint of curiosity played in his eyes." "Tell me as much as you remember. please. if I'm tempted to die. Now. right?" "You agree not to act out physically against me or my property. his eyes on Audrey. Have I got that one right?" "Terrific. You can sit or walk around — whatever you want to do is okay. When you're in an altered state brought on by a drug. but I agree not to turn it into physical action." "You've got it. I smiled very slightly and nodded my head. and I agree that I won't do anything that puts you in danger. if I remember correctly. Audrey patted the designated patient-couch and told him." said Dan. so just do whatever makes you most comfortable." "And. for whatever reason. . I can yell or shout and make noise. "I almost forgot. I must agree that I won't do that. "Absolutely. "You can tell me. I swear that I won't go through it. but I agree not to act out the feelings when I'm working with you. You won't feel much of anything for about half an hour." 231 I sat down on the second couch and drank some of my ice water." "Sure. Then she snapped her fingers and held out a restraining hand. Not the exact words. if I should be tempted to go to the other side. "The one that sticks in my mind was that.

she whirled around and took off again. About phone calls. I guess I'm turning on. . we watched the lean figure. yes. and sat there. "Well. hands in pockets. where Audrey joined me. and I laughed. His face had changed. like a man with hurting bones. taping the black metal stand of a microphone onto the table. There was a suggestion of softness around the mouth. so I guessed he might be looking at his surroundings with a view to having his perspective changed in some way by the drug. "Wander around outside. Just have to attach the framdiddle to the whompus. That's easy to remember. that is. By the time Audrey had reappeared with a full pitcher of ice water and the bottle of cranberry juice. "Almost done. I met her eyes and grinned. muttering something that sounded like. Dan said. "Sure. hands spread on his thighs. She put everything in the middle of the big coffee table and left the room again." Audrey smiled. "What?" She knelt at the coffee table and spilled the mess onto its top. Dan was outside. I rose and went to the window. rising from the couch. and expanding pupils made his eyes large and liquid. no. I knew he had been here before." Moving slowly. "Gotta get Mike. occasionally stooping to inspect a plant or open blossom. She gave me a quick glance. he let himself down onto the couch." "Mumble? Me? I never mumble. as if trying to memorize it. that's all. her hands clutching a tangle of recording equipment. Silently. Just take me a sec. "Can I help?" "No. and we're ready. "I like your Daniel." She proceeded to give him the warning about discussing his own personal experience with this — or any other — drug over the phone." And she was gone. After I get some juice and ice water out on the table. returning with clean glasses." "Isn't he a sweetheart?" Suddenly. moving slowly around the flowerbeds. if you'd like. Dan paused at the back door and looked around the room. kiddo. "I almost forgot again. It sure isn't like anything I've felt before — it's really different. Alice and I will be right here if you need us." said Audrey." she mumbled." Audrey said.232 TIHKAL — The Continuation "Oh. one of which she filled with water and placed on a small end table next to the patient couch." The back door opened and Dan came in. He made a small attempt at a smile." "That's it." Who the hell is Mike? I had just curled up again in my corner of the couch when Audrey hurried in. "What's funny?" "I just understood what you were mumbling about.

Dan. Dan. He'll plateau pretty soon now. a bit more slowly than usual. very gently. "What you're feeling now is the strangeness of a sensation you haven't had before. Dropping the social face. He replied with a deep sigh. finished with hookups and recording machines. and told us exactly what we wanted to know. my voice gradually slipping into lullaby rhythm. it wouldn't seem so — so surprising. Just let yourself go with it. You're completely safe. You have all the time in the world to do whatever you want to do. He looked at Audrey and me and smiled." Dan nodded. but grownups don't have that experience very often. arms resting loosely at his sides. in order to get through to the unconscious. then eased himself back against the cushions and sat there. In a few minutes." said Dan. my dear. no expectations. then Audrey chuckled and I heard myself laugh in delight. "How're you feeling. eyes smiling along with the mouth. There won't be any further increase in the intensity. It had been forty minutes since the ceremony in the kitchen. then took her place on our couch. We smiled back at him and at each other. Good — good. "Time to . letting himself be real. If you were a child. "Remember you're in a safe place. because everything's new in a child's world. Audrey. It's a great place to stay." Stay with simple messages. as the feeling becomes more familiar." As soon as he let himself go with the strange feeling — stopped fighting it — he opened up to this. I continued speaking to Dan. don't push against it. "Let's get to work.The Intensive 233 Body language says What the hell is happening to me? I spoke gently. paused in front of me. I glanced at my watch." said Audrey. Which means that where you are now — the way you feel — is where you'll stay for the next hour. There are no deadlines. her back to Daniel. I looked down at my watch again and told him. Thank you. "Yes. and made a triumphant circle with forefinger and thumb. had gone mothersoft. close to her waist. right now." "All right. unselfconscious. Let your body relax while you go through this transition phase. He had stopped trying to smile. Now Audrey and I can relax our own masks. too. Dan?" Audrey's voice. The smile was full. and we both exhaled. feet curled up beneath her. this place of being at peace and blessed. and touch him directly with affection — and affirmation — and whatever else he needs. "You've probably reached the plateau by this time. and we're both here for you at all times. it'll mellow out. to reassure the child inside.

please take a drink of water from that glass on the table near you. Guess I was crying. I was outside on the playground. like it was just a couple of minutes ago. Suddenly. From the garden. bird sounds rose and fell in long waves.234 TIHKAL — The Continuation stretch out there and let yourself go into trance. There was a smudge of . "How are your legs. every now and then." I interrupted. fingers loosely curled at his sides. onto his thighs. Dan?" We watched as his hands moved. "Before you get fully settled. He closed his eyes. everything was all right — and I can see the yellow collar of the boy in front of me in the line. "No warning. "Jesus CHRIST!" He swung his legs onto the floor and sat there. hesitatingly. Dan had turned in our direction. I remember choking on the white dust. I was trapped under my desk. his voice choked. I looked at the way his body lay. Both my legs were trapped. but his eyes weren't seeing us. too." he whispered. There was a sunlit silence in the large room and the sense of peacefulness was so complete. Audrey and I waited quietly. fingers outspread. so he must be pretty good at it. The MDMA should make it easier for him to go way down. then sat up straight and continued talking out loud. "Second grade. People were crying all around. so it's important. Dan lay down at full length on the couch. Audrey spoke softly. MDMA can be quite dehydrating. on the edge of the cushion. then froze. "How could I have forgotten it? How could I!" he exclaimed." He dropped his head into his hands. leaning forward." whispered Audrey. I focused all my attention on him. letting myself swim into the contact high. hands relaxed. We were sitting there at our desks and the ceiling came down on us. and we'll keep reminding you to drink. "The roof fell in. He's been doing this for a good part of a year. and our teacher was making us line up — telling us to be quiet. his face showing astonishment as he gazed at something we couldn't see. I couldn't pull them out. His mouth was slightly open. for a moment. "I can see it happening right in front of me. opening myself to whatever I could feel of his state. with a small throw pillow covered in Thai silk under his head." After several healthy swigs from his glass. watching him. eyes wide open. Dan. The next thing I knew. I wondered for a moment if Dan might fall asleep. more to himself than to Audrey or me. barely breathing. he sat upright." "Tell us. his hands spread again on the tops of his thighs. and exploded.

" He seemed to hesitate. too. urgently. 'We're going to forget all about what happened today. "I can hear my mother's voice. I must have had a concussion. In the warm quiet of the room. eyes closed. It was on me for a long time. I remember I was thinking. I couldn't figure out how I got outside. and I was staring at it. standing in line. just doing what the teacher said. If I remind him to drink some water. not wanting to get in the way of his images. And my mother is saying." He paused. I guess I was in shock or something." he continued. Everything will be all right. After today. so terrifying? How could a thing like that just disappear?" Audrey and I exchanged glances. yes. if we just put it out of our minds. wondering what happened. but kept quiet. You children. "I remember the day they let me out of the house for the first time since I got hurt. and they told me I could walk down the porch steps. I don't think I really paid much attention to my head at all. with my legs hurting. that ceiling coming down on all of us. Dan's hands went up to his head. looking at blood on the back of a friend's collar. that would explain it. then went on. then realized I was doing the same thing. Dry throat. then eased himself back again onto the couch. not really thinking of anything at all. it'll be like it never happened. How could I forget something so — so awful.' — my sister was sitting next to me. Oh. I remember — 'And your daddy and me. I spoke quietly. any of us. We were eating supper. then closed his mouth and swallowed. I could hear the birds again. onto the front lawn. I haven't remembered it. it may interrupt the memories. He's standing in that line. lying full length. Nothing else 'til I found myself here. feeling around. so it was a terrible thing for him. He sat for a moment with his head bowed. and my father — my father was the principal of the school. 'How did I get out? How did I get my legs out?' All I could remember was being down on the floor. At the table. A big bandage wrapped all around my head. We will never talk about it. but only if I moved very slowly and carefully. hands clasped together between his knees. Then Dan spoke haltingly. "You forgot all this?" "In — in all these years — since the second grade. Yes. Wait a bit. Nothing's to be gained by going over and over it.The Intensive blood on the collar. "I had a bandage on my head. Oh boy! You don't often get to hear the actual words of an early childhood programming! . reliving it." 235 He's right there.'" I glanced at Audrey and caught her nodding to herself. "I thought I had to walk slowly because something was still wrong with my legs. After a few moments of silence.

there's more. like it was haunted or something. and he couldn't understand why I'd want to work down there. to my body — it's always my legs that've been hurt. I got a summer job painting the old school — I thought of it as my father's school. again. I didn't remember a damn thing about the roof falling on top of us. Wait. Then Dan spoke." This time. "You know. he sat up. "I'm remembering something else." "Wow. we didn't interrupt the silence. her mouth opening. something that really bugged me after it happened. once when I was a teenager and I was in a warehouse. and I couldn't figure out why. then grinned at me and curled up again in her corner. it was my legs. and I whispered to myself. but I knew I couldn't paint there. because I couldn't figure it out. and just before he got the brakes working." Audrey silently clapped one hand over her mouth. but not my shoulder. and stopped the thing. but he spoke first. and he'd lost the last flip. . I just knew I had to stay away from that part of the school. not my arm. Chuck. about ten years ago. "Yes." muttered Audrey. I had this weird sick feeling when I took my ladder over to that part of the school. and I told Chuck I would exchange with him. because he was still principal — and I was working with my friend. I couldn't explain it to him. when I could have the much easier job up on top." "What do you — " Audrey began. Just bruising again. with all the pipes and stuff. hesitatingly. yes. he pinned me — the big metal lifter in front of it pinned my legs against a wall. with a friend of mine — we were fooling around in there. "When I was around sixteen. it may be just coincidence. and Audrey sat up. I think I know what was going on. not one thing. Always my legs. now. suddenly. and one day I was supposed to paint the walls at the north end of the building and I just didn't want to do it. that's where it was — at the north end. he was stuck with the job of painting the basement.236 TIHKAL — The Continuation Dan sighed deeply again. I was in a small plane crash in Oregon. Then. and the only part of me that got hurt was my legs. "And then. I don't remember how or why — and he got into this loader and fiddled around and it started up and he didn't know how to stop it. All I got out of it were some bad bruises. It was the second grade classroom. but stopped when Dan waved a hand in a gesture that said clearly. for the first time. because I didn't know myself. I understand what all that was about." Silence settled on the room again. but the only accidents I've had — the only times I've had something happen to me. We usually flipped a coin to find out which of us would paint this or that. swung his feet to the floor again and sat there. He got hold of the brakes. Like. as if feeling out an idea. Now. looking directly at Audrey and me. I only knew I didn't want to mess with that end of the building.

relive it. Bam. the push of the feelings. Audrey and I embarked on an apology for having lost track of the time. just for the hell of it!". too!" "Holy Christmas!" I said. "Repressed memory has tremendous energy. I can't wait to find out!" I joined in the laughter. but Dan interrupted us. All about the legs. and your legs being trapped. "The great Snake Oil strikes again!" "Snake oil?" ." said Audrey. Neither Audrey nor I remembered to ask if he wanted a supplement of the MDMA until about two hours had gone by." We spent the rest of the session listening to Dan as he relived in detail the newly opened memory of the original trauma. "When you put a lid on a powerful experience like that ceiling falling in. when I happened to look at my watch and realized that the 1-1/2 hour point had long passed. and all that had happened since that horrifying moment in the second grade classroom. Audrey phoned me at home. "Remembering this stuff. but it's interesting to speculate." I added. grinning widely. remains in your psyche. and I don't mind going without the supplement. really at peace now with the whole thing. It looks as if that day in the second grade built up a hell of a charge inside you — the fear. adding. that's a wild intuitive guess." "And?" "No pain. I know it." he said. until it got to be old stuff. and I can't support it logically. He wanted me to tell you that he loves you." "It sounds as if it's all about repressed memory. I feel good. Going over it with you like this — that's what I needed to do. If you'd been able to talk about it. anger at the helplessness — and with that lid on it. bam. "I'd be very surprised if you have any more trouble when you fly. Not even a dull ache." 237 said Audrey. Maybe this'll stop the leg pains. what it can do. over and over again. the shock. and boring — " " — it's even possible that none of those later leg events would have happened. waving a hand to stem the word-tide. "Of course. the pressure of the emotions. it couldn't disperse. grinning. "That's WEIRD. And in your body. I guess we'll never know. "This has been great." finished Audrey. bam! One memory after another. "Real Twilight Zone." "It should.The Intensive "This is amazing. Six weeks later." he said. a fantastic experience. and told me she had heard from Dan that morning." said Dan. "I'm just fine. "Yeah?" "He told me he'd just returned from a round trip back east on United Airlines.

We had no known model (except. and felt that he could now go ahead and finish his hypnotherapy with Audrey. the last time I heard about him." she laughed. I have to admit that this didn't cause either of us much worry. most of our work came to be that of helping our patients deal with their Shadow (the term used by Carl Jung) or dark side. so we often felt as if we were breaking new ground. and get on with his life. which I came to call the Beast-Survivor. and used local plants which were known to open the inner eyes and ears. Eventually. what we had experienced in working together). it's just that the ancient practitioners called it by other names. "Anyway. but none of those maverick therapists were publishing. "And he certainly used it. but doing the intensive work was new territory for both of us. I. had much more to learn than did Audrey. it began to dawn on us that this kind of process was probably as old as mankind. as he put it. It is a normal part of every ." "I think it may be 'dove. with our blessings.' kid. either.238 TIHKAL — The Continuation I explained. and allowed him to free himself of a subtle anxiety which had been a constant presence at the edges of his life for several decades. a part of the child that is concerned only with his own survival (physical and emotional)." agreed Audrey. He dived — or is that 'dove' — right in. hey?" Dan — as far as I know — never again took MDMA. we came to hear of many (unnamed) others doing work of this kind. of course." "Thanks a bunch. Then. It had opened up in him what needed to be opened. over time. It always begins as the primal Survivor. Looks like we done good. that is what he did. Audrey and I developed our own way of doing the intensives. Both of us were learning with every session. he had fallen in love with a co-worker in his company's main office and. he was married and expecting his first child. "But I won't hold it against you." I said. I thought you'd want to be the second to know. REVIVING AN ANCIENT ART Over the next two years. "Shura often says that MDMA reminds him of the old snake oil remedies traveling salesmen used to sell from wagons all across the country: good for whatever ails you!" "Incredible stuff. bless him. of course. Within a year. honey. he didn't ask for a second session. so we had nobody to ask for advice. and got the job done. His legs gave him no further trouble. and neither Audrey nor I suggested one. his comfort and his self-validation." "Thanks. He told us that he was immensely grateful. And. we were growing confident in our own abilities and believed that our system worked exceedingly well.

he gradually learns to control and repress many of the natural urges and impulses that his teachers and his particular culture consider unacceptable. powerful animal. being reminded that This is Good and That is Bad. black. the music of Igor Stravinsky. five jungle cats. and the Survivor aspect of it will continue to function as the protector it was meant to be. and potential executioner." the stories written by Stephen King. uncensored and "natural. A strongly religious Catholic may unconsciously give his own Shadow the form of the Devil. he will come to feel empathy with other beings — human and animal — which will give him further incentive to exercise control over certain impulses. jury. As he grows. he will come to understand that it is necessary to control certain natural desires and instincts in order to become an accepted member of his family and tribe. if the child is taught with love and respect. Sometimes. Spiritual growth must eventually involve a confrontation with the Beast-Survivor." he will not just control his instinctual desires. In other words. His Shadow or dark side can be expected to serve him as a source of creative expression and new concepts. and should be nurtured and developed." Some of these energies — like anger and frustration — are potentially dangerous to others and the growing child must be taught to exercise control over them. itself. literature and music that illustrate and make use of the Shadow. especially "Rites of Spring. As the child grows up and is increasingly shaped by the approval and censure of others. Giger.) But if the child is taught to be ashamed and to see himself as inherently "evil. Audrey and I met three wolves. which often takes the shape of a large. and two gorillas. The Beast part of the Beast-Survivor begins to take shape if the parents and guides condemn not only the child's actions.The Intensive 239 one of us. this fearful repression can create in the unconscious an interior judge. filthy spider. (There are many works of art. hateful Thing in the dark cellar of the unconscious.) . In Audrey's own case. and includes whatever we are born with that is instinctual. "Alien. (Over the two years we worked together. instilling shame and self-rejection along with social instruction. R. he will eventually come to deny the very existence of those feelings within himself." these are only three modern examples of creations by people who have had access — consciously or not — to their own dark sides. But he will not be taught that these natural energies are wicked or shameful in and of themselves. it had become a big. The works of the artist H. by wise teachers. Then the repressed feelings and urges begin to assume the outline of a terrible. who created the backgrounds and the ferocious monster in the movie. Others are potential sources of creativity. but the child himself.

Or there may be the eruption of an acute anxiety state which thoroughly blankets any other effects and distracts the attention of everyone involved. There should be a great deal of discussion before any drug ingestion about the nature and function of the Beast-Survivor. without it. when it involves facing and dealing with the Shadow. I've concluded that there is one important way in which psychedelic exploration differs from Jungian analysis. When the patient has full view of what I've been referring to as the Beast-Survivor or monster. The more buried the monster is. he will then be urged to first face. No person can be asked to do the work of confronting his Shadow or beast without being told by his therapist. It is at this point that a battle may have to be fought. when the Survivor hears footsteps outside the massive door that has guarded his monster aspect from view most of his life. the essence of himself as a horrendous. totally unacceptable entity. he must work to get inside its skin and look out through its eyes. one result may well be a complete lack of response to the drug. But a therapist working with MDMA or a psychedelic drug will gently help his patient to take one additional step. but only an important and essential part. to move into it and feel its nature. It is essential preparation because. All these explanations and reassurances should take place before the patient makes a final decision about taking MDMA or any psychedelic drug. the drug session might be wasted. and requires great persistence and immense courage. shame and fear of this forbidden aspect of himself. in an effort to survive in a world he wasn't equipped to deal with or control. in advance. malignant. because not only does the conscious person have to fight his own revulsion. When the unconscious psyche anticipates the possible destruction of a needed and long-nurtured positive self-image.240 TIHKAL — The Continuation The goal was to have the patient meet and get to know the hidden beast in the cellar. can bring about a state of fear that has no parallel in ordinary life. no nuthin'. sense what its qualities are — and then continue working on understanding its origins and functions. Having talked to a Jungian analyst about this whole process. then enter into the dark figure he is meeting. The prospect of seeing what he unconsciously believes to be the core. A Jungian therapist will encourage his client to see his Shadow as clearly as he can — see what shape it takes. The therapist should emphasize the patient's need to feel compassion for the innocent child he had been and to understand why and how that child developed certain habits of behavior and emotional response to his environment. This step in the process is one of the most terrifying things any human being can undertake. that what he will see and feel is not the whole truth about who he is. No insight. the more power it gathers. only by staying in the . no images. but he may project upon the monster an equal resistance to being made visible to the conscious mind.

but it will be available as a totally loyal and devoted defender of the whole. his first response is usually astonishment at an unaccustomed absence of fear.") I developed a new respect for the old. The second is appreciation. to step right into it. unseen and unconfronted. The patient was actively encouraged to sip water or juice all through the session to avoid dehydration. With time and the support of his therapist. classic fairy tales. . It is concerned only with the safety and welfare of its host. then frank exhilaration at the sense of powerfulness that characterizes this creature. Now and then. patient. We used MDMA with every one of these carefully selected patients. When the patient succeeds in deliberately stepping into his beast and looking out its eyes. the patient allows himself to feel more and more compassion for the original child within the monster and. except to go to the bathroom. She always offered food to the client. The rest of the work is gradual re-parenting and validation of the child. coming to recognize certain ones as disguised descriptions of spiritual journeys and processes. The story most obviously applicable to dark side transformation work is "Beauty and the Beast. the beast slowly disintegrates and only the hurt and fearful child remains. once he has come face to face with this part of himself. can it continue having an influence on the patient's life. remains. is called a "power animal. or when Audrey would excuse herself for a few minutes. the patient begins learning to accept his beast and to understand how it took shape. and the spiritual integration that results when the work is completed. and given respect and even possibly a bit of affection.The Intensive 241 cellar. and it does not give up that power willingly. until he is able to merge with his grown-up self. but that is the most outstanding example of a so-called fairy tale which describes coming to terms with one's Beast-Survivor. but I have also seen the process finished in a single day. it becomes the ally and protector it was intended to be. Others must fight to get there. It will never be entirely housebroken or have good table manners. when consciously understood and accepted. this aspect of the psyche.") Our intensives lasted a minimum of six hours." There are others. Gradually. Neither of us took time out. one finds a patient who seems to be able. ("They were married and lived happily ever after. (This stage of getting to know the beast from the inside may take more than one session. as he does so. When exposed to the conscious mind. loving support and encouragement from the therapist.) When this part of the work has been completed successfully. (In some cultures. but it was usually turned down. however. to make a sandwich in her kitchen so that she could maintain her energy. with strong. integrated Self. The Survivor. the Beast-Survivor begins to transform.

Like most psychedelics. Both Audrey and I considered this to be one of the most honored and respected Great Ones among visionary drugs. which was illegal. it brought the spiritual world into direct connection with the life of the body. penicillin for the soul. since all the physical senses were sharpened. It was also — at that time — not illegal. and the patient could usually expect to go home within eight to ten hours. gently. MDMA had a particular magic. I always thought of 2C-B as the gut-opener. we felt. This enabled him to delve into his dark side." When Audrey was working with a patient in the trance state. or perhaps to find new teachers for further spiritual growth. which is a true psychedelic. life-changing transformations after many months of intense and difficult work. she spoke slowly. They were ready to move on by themselves. in the sense that it opened up the deep energies of the psyche. A good experience with 2C-B allowed for exploration and validation of the Survivor and its proper function as self-protector. both of whom had achieved deep. and let the patient celebrate fully the fact that he was alive and healthy. MDMA was. Twice. They had used MDMA and the trance state to examine and acknowledge their long-hidden emotional programming from childhood.5-dimethoxy phenethylamine). mescaline was even more of a spiritual opener and could introduce the patient to a landscape where light infused everything — people. a soul within a cherished human form. indeed. It also emphasized the patient's connection with his body. with certain ones who wanted to go deeper and further into their own interiors. We thought of MDMA as the emotional and spiritual opener. light and dark — without defensiveness. a single 2C-B session was used as a final experience for patients who had worked hard and courageously in the mine-fields of their own unconscious minds. was a subtle but important one. and to eventually come to terms with that essential aspect of himself. (4-bromo-2. In several cases. The difference between 2C-B and mescaline. unless there was reason to say something sharp and . the drug which allowed a patient to do intense insight work without fear of what he would find at the core of himself. we eventually tried 2C-B. One of the advantages of working with 2C-B was that its effects were not as long-lasting as most other psychedelics. and gave access to the part of the person that communicates with itself through archetypal imagery. While 2C-B unlocked doors to the archetypal images and the intense emotions that accompanied them. the final session was not with 2C-B. it gave the patient the ability to accept the whole of who he was — positive and negative.242 TIHKAL — The Continuation Eventually. to explore the Beast-Survivor with minimum fear. plants and animals — and there was direct connection with what is called the "numinous. and they had learned how to change what needed changing. We used it with two people. but mescaline.

emerging in exactly the right words. My response to such an impression would be to remind him that he was in a safe place. so you don't have to be afraid of the mountain exploding and destroying everything in sight. heavy mass located around the abdominal area. giving them conscious control over a needed but immensely frightening exposure to the searing heat of long-repressed rage. as many people do when they are sensitive to auras." This image proved to be one of the most effective for such patients. Somewhere during the second year. and — if it seemed appropriate for this patient — to tell him about the fire mountain located just above his navel. just as much or as little as you feel it's okay to let out. and decide how much lava you want to release. An extraordinary relationship developed between Audrey and me as we sat at opposite ends of the therapist's couch. pain and grief. and that's okay. Stay where you are. "You'll see a small opening. and what it meant to me was that the patient had a block formed by fear and sorrow. I never saw colors. the other would find the answer rising instantly in the mind. you can close up the hole again. I sometimes felt I was using some other sense than mere eyesight. sometimes one of us would fall silent. what I saw — or felt — would usually be something like a grey. and look down on it. we shared moments of . You have complete control over how much you let out. and when you've released enough. "I want you to know that you can safely let flow some of that burning fire. 243 as she did. and it's been gathering there for most of your life. it'll just burn bushes and trees on the side of the mountain." When the patient said he was in the air over the volcano. and inside that opening is the deep red of the lava. I was amazed at how acutely perceptive she was. and deeply buried rage. I would say something like this: "You can fly over the top of the volcano like a bird. There were times when we seemed almost telepathic. You can make the opening as large or as small as you wish. looking down at that hole. which was making it hard for him to release negative emotions. It won't burn up the world. in the sky. It's your volcano. invariably. momentarily at a loss for an appropriate response to something said by the patient. I learned to perceive emotional blocks in the body of a patient as he lay on the couch. She was quietly persuasive and always prepared to stop talking if she detected an impulse to speak on the part of the patient. it won't. until I found myself picking up clues so subtle.The Intensive sudden. deep in trance and the drug effect. The lava is rage and sorrow. Just let flow as much as you want. Tell me when you're there. let it flow down from the top of the volcano. learning to watch the patient's face and body carefully. you can do whatever you wish with it. and I found myself. I would go on. over the months that we worked together. and stop the flow.

If she cannot completely resolve them. I thought of it as an experience of the sacred. separately and together. the patient would usually sigh deeply. It is important to remember that the patient's psyche contains a part which is a self-healer. After such a moment out of time. Then there would be a stillness. When — now and then — it spoke through us. The patient is a new world. There is another rule which I believe must be observed by any therapist undertaking this kind of journey with a patient. as much as possible. seeing it for the first time. It is in connection with this ability to affirm and care about her client that the therapist's own past training with MDMA and psychedelic drugs becomes important. and the therapist should have sufficient insight of her own to be aware of what her feelings towards the patient really are. One of these interior places or states is the often-referred-to "participation mystique. and the patient should be told of the existence of that healer within because by telling him. as we all know. so that she might begin to get a glimpse of the emotional and spiritual structures and rules of survival that inform life in this unique human landscape. Her (or his) attitude must be that of a student. learning a new part of the universe. she will have — she should have — taken certain spiritual steps which will have brought her to specific places within herself. She has to keep her eyes and ears open and all her antennae alert. and the work would continue. and to work on whatever projections may be involved. immensely loving and healing. I'm not talking about such feelings as momentary irritation or impatience. a means by which something Other. Audrey and I would nod to each other. either psychological or spiritual. if the session is conducted (as it should be) in quiet natural surroundings. and don't negate basic love or caring. was making itself felt and heard. the therapist will help activate it. a gift of Grace. To do this kind of psychotherapy. a peacefulness permeating the room. If there is even the slightest hostility or apprehension. If she has sufficient experience of her own with these tools. a sense of time having stopped. I have . like love. Real caring. and the therapist must be ready to learn a language of symbol and imagery peculiar to that world. it is essential that the therapist lay aside all preconceived theories and belief systems. unlike any other she has previously encountered. we could feel it happening. she should direct the patient to another therapist. not simply an intellectual concern for the patient's welfare.244 TIHKAL — The Continuation knowing that we were. a conduit." and this frequently happens in the first MDMA or psychedelic experience. she must be prepared to do the necessary insight work to discover the reason for those feelings. There should be real caring. cannot be forced. those can come naturally in response to many things. She has to be able to feel something very close to love for the person she is guiding.

unspeakably wrong laws regarding psychedelics and visionary plants are eliminated in the United States and everywhere else. That is why. and helping them achieve clarity. and will not be able to share their experiences and accumulated knowledge until the current. in a spiritual sense. while those who are still quietly and secretly conducting these kinds of transformative sessions cannot speak out. her parent. a spark of the Great Spirit. She will have seen and felt that everything alive carries within it the God-essence. and her child. It has been a tremendous privilege to have participated in this kind of process. and she will have known — this is deep core knowing. for a patient who is preparing to open himself to himself. She will know that this person she is working with is. Until then. and I feel truly blessed. even love. conscious Being. and Shura and I are still writing. I miss the excitement and continual learning. What may have appealed to her before as nothing more than a beautiful. poetic concept. the exploration of other people's interior worlds. plant and human being is related to her. will suddenly have taken the form of reality." She will have felt the sense of kinship with every living thing. not intellectual knowing — that every animal. It's been many years since I worked as a psychedelic therapist. But now I can talk about it. and that indeed we are all highly individual parts of one living. once she has had the privilege of being in this place in her soul. she will find it possible to feel true caring. her brother. "Places in the Mind. I finally brought my participation in the intensives to an end when it became increasingly clear that doing them once or twice a week was extraordinarily draining of both physical and emotional energy. self-love and integration. 245 . and the wisdom gained from it lost to all except a small group of therapists and their patients.The Intensive described this state in the earlier chapter. and the profound impact of this realization will have become part of her for the rest of her life. an ancient healing practice in modern form will continue to be a criminal act. and I needed those energies for writing a book with Shura.

246 TIHKAL — The Continuation Part Three: Tryptamina Botanica .

named. pharmacology. none of which can be easily distinguished or identified. or even characterized. I found papers concerning anthropological studies of certain of these native peoples. The effects observed can be complicated by the fact that they are reported within a cultural context involving superstitions. flowers or grasses. and a plant (botany) that produces an effect (pharmacology) in some people out there (anthropology) that might have some healing use (medicine) or some spiritual impact (theology). many years ago I put a Pendaflex folder into what was then my one and only filing cabinet (second drawer from the top as I remember) into which I would toss the occasional paper that I might come across that would mention DMT (N. some of which may never have been identified. Some native brews clearly indicated the use of more than one plant. all without any written record. be multiple combinations. There is a drug (chemistry).N-dimethyltryptamine) as a component of some plant. DMT IS EVERYWHERE (Shura's voice) Many. . customs. or vines. and mythology. Another folder? Then. anthropology. Another paper would appear that discussed plant decoctions used in South American native rituals and ceremonies that could well involve DMT. botany. tradition. single entries but can. This introduction is an unfairly simplified presentation of factual information when one considers that all of these classes are indeed not simple. in fact. who has a Western scientific knowledge of chemistry.DMT is Everywhere 247 CHAPTER 15. And the description of the use was from an observer who stands outside of the cultural milieu of the event observed. which did not even hint at any DMT content. Then I would come across a couple of papers that described some pharmacology of DMT. I began to appreciate the horrors associated with the filing of information when it can be interconnected by several organizing threads. The "plant" may be a mixture involving trees. The "drug" can be a mixture of a number of chemicals. involving other plant mixtures as sacraments. and this called for a new folder.

No one can write a complete review of this area. So let me look on the turn-ons and the nostrums of the world first as chemical entities. and will see everything through his own set of glasses. I have decided to use the vocabulary of chemistry and let all the other structures of organization evolve as needed. of course. Leary and others in the early 1960's. inspired to some measure by the psychedelic "hippie" movement in the younger generation at that time. correspondence. it was too complex and interdisciplinary. DMT was first synthesized in 1931 by Manske. and the area is twenty five times more complex and convoluted that was in one of my filing cabinets. It was isolated from two plant sources independently in 1946 by Goncalves de Lima (from Mimosa hostilis) and in 1955 by Fish. I have twenty-five times the quantity of data. It was then that the Drug Abuse Control Amendments were enacted and became effective. The first legal restrictions were placed on research with it in 1966 in response to its increasing popularity following the writings of Burroughs. Many years ago my dream was to put together a complete review of the snuffing/drinking/smoking world of ethnobotany into one place. as contributors to the psychedelic scene. and finally this is the context of its usage. and even if it were to magically appear. Here is the major component of interest. The year 1965 launched the era of the use of initials as both drug and organization names in Federal law enforcement. there are the plants where it can be found. and it was observed as being a component of the healthy human brain (and maybe a neurotransmitter) in 1976 by Christian. no one could read it to find just what he needed. This led to the formation of the BDAC (Bureau of Drug Abuse Control) which was put under the authority of the Food and Drug Administration (the FDA). as the year 1966 is an interesting point of confluence of both stories. but a couple of file cabinet drawers filled with information about these areas. and my own research notes. A bit of chronological history of both the drug and the drug law might be appropriate here. Its human activity as a synthetic entity was first reported in 1956 by Szára. What is on top of the pile? N. Since I see myself as a chemist. Johnson and Horning (from Piptadenia peregrina).N-Dimethyltryptamine. I am twenty-five years older. Metzner. They include published reprints. or theology. These amendments were written to attempt to control non-narcotic drugs (called dangerous drugs) with ex- . as every reader has different needs. and I abandoned ship. literature searches. or DMT. but some hierarchy is needed and I have chosen this. Today I have not just one folder. But even then. and write the total story. Perhaps this is an arbitrary hierarchy.248 TIHKAL — The Continuation medicine. and then explore the subtleties of interactions between them and their congeners (other things found alongside them).

This was a bureau that was parallel to. MARINE WORLD I am a bit uncomfortable in talking about alkaloids to be found in the marine world. the chemical is N. DOM. It is the starting point of both our classification and understanding of the hallucinogenic psychedelics.N-dimethylaminoethyl)indole. DET. and in yonder animal. the DEA (Drug Enforcement Administration). This chapter is pretty much limited to a listing of some of the natural sources of this drug. the BNDD. the stuff of this chapter. and the DEA effectively rebelled. MDA. It is bufotenine or psilocin without the hydroxyl group. MMDA and TMA. It is common to say that a natural product is an alkaloid . In 1973. along with the enforcement and intelligence functions of the U. the BDAC (under the Department of HEW) was merged with the FBN (under the Department of the Treasury) to create the BNDD (Bureau of Narcotics and Dangerous Drugs) under the Department of Justice. but nonoverlapping. And that is where things have rested up to the present time. were melded into still another group. it is a relatively short-lived psychedelic compound that has a record of ancient and revered use in many cultures of the world. In a sense. in that tree over there. ibogaine. most simply. the first new drug law since the Harrison Narcotics Act of 1914) a number of competing splinter groups were being formed such as ODALE (Office of Drug Abuse Law Enforcement) and ONNI (Office of National Narcotics Intelligence). except for a failed attempt (in 1982) to merge the DEA with the FBI. To some users.DMT is Everywhere amples offered such as DMT. DMT is to the world of indolic psychedelics what mescaline is to the world of phenethylamine psychedelics. So let me try an organizational scheme that asks. In 1968.S. (1) what is the chemical? (2) where is it found? and (3) what does it do? In answer to (1).N-dimethyltryptophan without the carboxyl group. LSD. The whereness is. it is a dark exposure to the most negative aspects of the psyche. Customs. almost everywhere you choose to look. ODALE and ONNI. it is a connection to a vivid world of magic and mystical beings. The latter group was to have run the show. in effect. This is discussed in greater detail in the recipe on DMT. the already existing FBN (Federal Bureau of Narcotics). cocaine and marijuana. There is no real agreement amongst chemists as to just what an alkaloid is. To others. And everything in-between. And (3). and from it our entire understanding of the relationship between structure and activity must evolve. At the time of the passage of the Controlled Substance Act (in 1970. (2). bufotenine.N-dimethyltryptamine (DMT) which is an in-house shortcut way of saying 3-(N. 249 heroin. DMT is. It is in this flower here. which was dedicated exclusively to the control of the three known narcotic drugs. It is N.

"Why make alkaloids at all?" The answer to this is still unknown. but it was found that the base extracts in a methanol solution upon reduction. Quaternary amine salts such as candicine (from many cacti) or its positional isomer leptodactyline (from the skins of frogs) are actually acidic. as with amides such as caffeine in coffee. from the ashes. Certainly they can be extremely weak bases. auria. as many natural alkaloids are without known pharmacology. Often an added definition is that it should be modestly complex. but some insist that they are still alkaloids.N-dimethyl homologue of mescaline has been called trichocereine and is an alkaloid found in the cactus Trichocereus terschekii. with hydrogen gas and palladium on charcoal. ehina. The N.6-dibromotryptamine and its N-mono-methyl homologue (dibromo-NMT). Smenospongia maynordii (a genus earlier known as Polyfibrospongia) has been shown to contain 5. "Why use bromine rather than chlorine in constructing marine alkaloids?" must wait its turn behind the even grander question of. Biological activity is not a useful criteria. There are many animals that carry tryptamines as part of their chemistry. With chlorine being the most common halide in sea salt I have always been amazed that the supreme intelligence that designs and builds things such as alkaloids in the ocean would choose to use the bromine atom which is hundreds of times more scarce in sea water than is the chlorine atom. But the interesting question. The accepted minimum is that it is a basic (in the chemical sense). organic compound that contains nitrogen.6dibromo-DMT) has been observed in S. And many people assume that such a compound has to come from a plant source. or capsaicin in pepper. A surprising number of natural products from the sea contain bromine. An eerie cross-connection to the phenethylamines exists in the sponges.250 TIHKAL — The Continuation if it meets a certain number of criteria. And in the family of Thorectidae. The corresponding DMT counterpart (5. Not so. and the more simple 5bromo-DMT is found in S. as a way of excluding compounds such as cyanide and urea. These are incontestably alkaloids even though they are substantially neutral. and many pharmacologically potent compounds from nature don't even contain nitrogen. Sponges have proven to be a source of brominated tryptamines. literally. and DMT is one of the most common of these. Both the words alkali and alkaloid come from the Arabic "al-qili" meaning. gave pure DMT in a quantitative yield. and comes from natural sources. Two very closely related compounds have . a connection to mescaline. but there are so many devious exceptions that any definition can be voided. the sponge Smenospongia aurea contains both of these brominated DMT derivatives. It is just Nature's way. These Caribbean sponges solicited attention due to their anti-microbial properties.

to mushrooms. It is a simple chemical maneuver to reduce the bromo group off with a little catalytic hydrogenation. but it is a real possibility that 5-Br-DMT might be active on its own account. Many people hold this to be a kingdom in its own right. from molds. and bacteria. are marine antibiotics with an uncanny re- 251 semblance to active cactus phenethylamines. This same bromo-quat salt is in an Okinawan sponge of the genus Aplysina. an amino acid 6-bromo hypaphorine. This is a permethylated tryptophan precursor to the compounds mentioned in the biosynthesis section later. which are the methonium salts of trichocereine where the two methoxyl groups have been effectively replaced with bromine atoms.. which has been reported to have a number of indolic components present without any bromine at all. Searches in the families such as Niphatidae have been unsuccessful. THE MAGIC MUSHROOMS (The Families of the Order Agaricales) There is an immense group within the world of all living things called the fungi. This is the tetrahydroharman analogue. woodinine. and its O-demethylated counterpart. specifically the tunicate Eudistoma fragum. as is NMT. NMT is also in the related sea fan Villagorgia rubra from New Caledonia. contains 6-bromo-tryptamine. Almost every other 5-substituted DMT is active. as with the tunicate compound above. and one of these has been reported to contain a brominated tryptamine. with a 6-bromo-substitution (that is in the same location as the 5-position in DMT) and an N-methylpyrrolidinyl2 substituent at the carboline-1 position. A small phylum of sea-invertebrates are called bryozoans. but the Memosponga family (sponges) has an individual Pachymatisma johnstonii which contains yet another brominated material. An interesting tie-in with the ayahuasca world is to be found here with the simultaneous isolation of the identically brominated (b-carboline. with the binomial name Paramuricea chamaeleon. DMT is present. Another tunicate. They are everything else. from the Bay of Naples in the Mediterranean. Another marine source of 5-bromo-DMT is an ascidian. The compound 3. there is a marine coral organism. The organism Flustra foliacea has the N-formamide of 6-Br-NMT. but they do not have chlorophyll. which is a sea-squirt found in New Caledonia.N-trimethylphenethylammonium salt. And finally.N.5-dibromo-4-methoxy-N. mildew.DMT is Everywhere been isolated from species of the Caribbean sponge Verongida spp. a sea fan known as a Gorgonian. Probably they are closer to plants than to other things. as its components are neither plant nor animal. so they aren't . of the genus Lissoclinum. which might also reduce to DMT with catalytic hydrogenation.

But will you drop your insistence for the renaming of the Pholiota group?" "Yes. Some are parasites. as noted in my most recent publication in Applied Mycologia Today. usually with vigor. classification of these organisms has been a nightmare for many years and will." the ordinal name in "-ales. psilocin (4-hydroxy-DMT). pp. I'm not sure I have an editorial opening available at the moment. baeocystin (4hydroxy-NMT phosphate ester) and norbaeocystin (4-hydroxy-tryptamine phosphate ester). as to how fungi should be classified. largely psilocybin and psilocin. growing in or on living stuff. But I personally like things somewhat organized." "Oh. There is not even a currently accepted way. but you must allow me at least one race with my name attached to it. really? Come to think of it. in yonder family. and some are saprophytes that prefer dead matter. The compounds that are known to contribute to the central activity of these fungi are: psilocybin (4hydroxy-DMT phosphate ester)." "But." "Probably he would. Goodheart to be the defining authority." In short. there are societies. . An exhaustive and documented list of all active species is detailed in Jonathan Ott's Pharmacotheon. There is no right way. and I will make you an Associate Editor. so here is a working pattern for the mushrooms that allows the placement of all dimethyltryptamines of interest. I follow a rubric from high school that allowed me to memorize the Mendelian pattern: "I learned in my CLASS the ORDER of my FAMILY. Rasputin. even if incorrectly so. 309-319. What follows is not a keying structure to be used in the field. I have learned a lot from them about the balance of nature. There are cliques." "But Dr. either. Amanita Northwestica. and follow them with the known genera that contain active species. but just a collection of names to be enjoyed or avoided." The class name ends in "-etes. or allow me to identify this group as a new subspecies. but I hold Dr. simply by observing how the many experts in the field (called mycologists) seem to disagree. "This species must be moved to that genus. but I have learned a lot more from them about the egocentric nature of man.252 TIHKAL — The Continuation really plants. Dr." and the family name in "-eae" or perhaps just in "-ae. so let me use this genus for the title of an article in my new journal. without doubt. there are total philosophies that are convinced that they are completely right. and that all the others are completely wrong. and need not be repeated here. Sangfroid would object to that. remain a nightmare for many years to come. there are schools. by observing how they propagate and reproduce." Here is where I intend to list the families that contain the magic mushrooms (aka 'shrooms) along with a comment or two. you already have tenure at the University.

or the Waxy Caps). everything with spores that are produced in specialized structures called bassifia. Panaeolus and Psathyrella. These last three are often lumped together. known for its many LBM's or Little Brown Mushrooms). Pluteaceae (the Pluteus family. FAMILY: Strophariaceae (the Stropharia family). Gerronema and Mycena. Agrocybe. the polyphores. Copelandia. Pluteus. now usually grouped in the order Agaricales. Panaeolina. tell you where the spores are located. in general. We are following the second subclass. Psilocybe. .DMT is Everywhere CLASS: Basidiomycetes (including rusts. and the teeth and crust fungi. also called the Volvariaceae family). Hygrophoraceae (The Hygrophorus family. (the Bolbitius family. the boletes. smuts. and the: Dacrymycetales (the tuning fork fungi) and the: Auriculariales. Two of the most common subclasses are: Gasteromycetes and 253 Hymenomycetes which. Bolbitiaceae. ORDER: Agaricales. Stropharia Coprinaceae (the Inky Cap Family). Conocybe. the: Tremellales (the jelly fungi). the gilled (agaric) and the tubed (bolete) fungi which we are following here. the chanter elles. as opposed to the: Aphyllophorales. the: Boletales. puff balls. mushrooms. Cortinariaceae (the Cortinarius family). Hygrocybe. Gymnopilus (Pholiota) and Inocybe. Tricholomataceae (the Tricholoma family).

as an extension of this fungal resource over into the dicotyledonous world of higher plants. One is: Amanitaceae (the Amanita family). and Argyreia are superb sources of ergot alkaloids that can be converted to lysergic acid as a synthetic intermediate. And. but rich chapter called MGS devoted to just to the seeds of these plants. as well as the cholinergic alkaloid. In fact. mescarine. the Convolvulaceae.254 TIHKAL — The Continuation That is pretty much the picture of the Magic Mushrooms. Two additional families must be mentioned separately. There is a short. there is no report mentioning the presence of unsubstituted DMT or its 5-methoxy-analogue. pantherina) also contain muscimol or ibotenic acid. as both are defined as squat amphibians. These are often used interchangeably. or are psychopharmacological active as lysergamides in their own rights. Frogs vs. Rivea. toads. for several reasons. which I find to be totally amazing. The other is: Hypocreaceae (the Ergot family). again. and have tadpoles. Others (A. frogs have smooth skins and are . Here is the raw material from which LSD and all of its remarkable extensions have come. when seen through the eyes of a person trying to paint a picture of the nature of plant or animal alkaloids. which like to jump about. but not one of them contains DMT. almost surreal parallel between the chemistry of mushrooms (also called toadstools) and the chemistry of frogs (also called toads). And yet. muscaria. there is the morning glory family. Many species of Ipomoea. An extremely rich collection that is. The major genus is Amanita and some fifteen species have been explored chemically. devoid of DMT or any of its interesting homologues. which is a treasure house of ergot-like alkaloids. there are no suggestions of DMT or any other simple tryptamines being present. some insight can be gotten about the interests and prejudices of the person himself by his choice of names here. All contain 5-hydroxy-DMT. FROGS (Family Bufonidae) There is a strange. But again. or bufotenine. All of these contain 4-hydroxy-DMT compounds in various guises. phalloidin and amanitin. Here the major genus is Claviceps which is the Mutterkorn of all the ergoline chemistry that has made both Sandoz and Albert Hofmann famous. as with the magic mushrooms. Some (A. without tails. A. phalloides) are notorious for the presence of the deadly polypeptide hepatotoxins. As differences go.

With the mushrooms. to provide the truly psychedelic compounds psilocybin and psilocin. with a bewildering array of shrubbery on an exposed. The morning glories provided more versatility. a bit perversely. But none of these natural sources possess DMT. He feels that mushrooms are edible and toadstools are poisonous. There was not much variety. From somewhere. But in truth. Putting a 5-hydroxy group onto a DMT molecule (to provide bufotenine) and in some instances to cap this hydroxy group with a methyl group (to provide 5-MeO-DMT). and the generality of structural imagination. but interestingly this modification occurred only in those species that had to be left absolutely untouched because of the deadly peptides they contained. there was an occasional venturing into the 5-hydroxylation territory (to provide bufotenine). Nature didn't show much imagination. it is simple and unambiguous. there is a sort of integration of both worlds. from the chemical viewpoint. vital carboxamide group which led to a treasure trove of natural alkaloids. comes from the Latin word for toad. nature showed almost too much imagination. in fact. bufotenine. With these fungi. He probably thinks that frogs are Frenchmen and toads are ugly. a benign God conceived the lysergide ring structure. The name a person chooses to use reflects his taste and opinions. and toads are warty and are assigned to the terrestrial world. The mushroom/ toadstool distinction is just as arbitrary. As to positional specificity. all of them also contain the phenethylamine skeleton. The major alkaloid archetype is 5-hydroxyDMT itself. the tryptamine skeleton. however). just a well-grounded capability of hydroxylating DMT at the 4-position. The frog will hydroxylate DMT at the 5-position rather than at the 4-position of the fungal world. as well as to a similar collection of synthetic allies. and it is found throughout the frog world. Bufo. these two large groups of individuals 255 are rich in pharmacologically active alkaloids which are closely related. mushrooms nor toadstools have been shown to contain this title compound. All of these contain. the prefix to bufotenine. The excitement is to be found in viewing the incredible wealth of bizarre chemicals that are t be found in the catalogue o . in their structures. is. the defining analogues were analogues of DMT which carried an oxygen atom in the 4-position. With the ergot fungi. Both are defined as fungi. usually with an umbrella-shaped cap called a pileus. is the major genus of frogs and. and from all this came LSD and the several variations that are detailed in the second half of this volume. the specificity of the enzymatic hydroxylation capability. And. But with neither the 4-oxygenation species or the 5-oxygenation species was there any DMT to be found. the unimaginative part. to DMT.DMT is Everywhere lumped into the aquatic world (there are some aquatic toads. structurally. Yet neither frogs nor toads. With frogs.

Mushrooms are everywhere. unexpected. John Daly. And yet. There can be hard things like bamboo. There are similar hollowstemmed rushes (family Juncaceae). and frogs are everywhere. Just what. But with the largest family of the grass-like plants. it is quite a different story. and clarinet and oboe reeds. These are referred to as herbaceous. Grasses are the mainstay of our diet. GRASSES The Grass Family. spears. this is not the place for a review of the literature. are nonetheless grasses and many of them are exceptionally rich sources of DMT and related tryptamines. Both names apply (with appropriate attention paid to origins and professional territory) to a mix- . but it is more comfortable for me to try to find common names for these groups. There are sedges (family Cyperaceae). They just don't happen to be in the same everywhere. one thing is lacking. Gramineae (Poaceae) There are up to a thousand genera of grasses. or who is an ayahuascero? He is a person who is knowledgeable in the making and offering of ayahuasca. There are soft flexible plants that are easily eaten by sheep and cattle. Most of them have been brought to our awareness by a little-recognized personal hero of mine. Let me slow down for a minute. and a lot of these contain plants that most of us would call grasses. who brought me a house gift of some liquid expressed from a grass that was presumably rich in DMT. and sugar canes. called Gramineae (sometimes called Poaceae). arrows. From these one can make furniture.256 TIHKAL — The Continuation of poisons of the many tropical poisonous frogs. But all of these foods. even with this bountiful array of interesting compounds. Complex alkaloids without precedent.) I had a visit from a young ayahuasquero a year or so ago. reeds. Consider a most common name: — Canary Grass (Phalaris spp. with completely wild structures that are largely unrelated to any rational alkaloidal prototype. There is no hint of DMT. strange. There are many botanical families. the rice and the corn and the wheat of life. the hard and the soft. All of them are simple and ancient plants. Thus. bulrushes. And DMT is almost everywhere. Ayahuasca" I try to lay out a definition of these two proper names. Here we find not only reeds but also the grains and forage foods used by both animal and man. and papyrus. but none of them have ever been reported to contain tryptamines. which are woody and have rigid stems. and there are the bur reeds and cattails of the family Typhaceae. In the Chapter "Hoasca vs. with leaves and soft tissue and nutritious seeds. with probably up to ten thousand species.

He had gathered a handful of the grass (it apparently grows wild throughout most of the United States) and put it through something called a wheat grass juicer. The combination.S. and I entered into a fine dialogue with my son. About six tokes did it.S. unless I wished to pursue haunts of coot and hern. Phalaris. is known as an ayahuasquero. Fine. usually containing DMT. was an extract of a grass that had the proper name of Phalaris. or it could be dried to a green brittle residue (evaporation of the contained water was achieved by pushing air over it with an electric fan) and smoked. The other component. One component. And coot is apparently a duck-like bird without pretensions. the inhibited and the inhibitor. the usual inconspicuous sterile . "Spikelets laterally compressed. Everything fell completely apart after my ayahuasquero company had left. the DMT-containing component. Theo. a good one. However. Here are the first lines of the official definition from the U. My U. or so he claimed. usually containing harmine or harmaline.DMT is Everywhere ture of two things which are designed to interact to produce an active psychotropic drink. Phalarope was a sandpiper-like bird named by combining phalaris and pod (according to them. phalaris is a Greek word for coot. 257 is commonly called ayahuasca. The pale green watery liquid that came from this process could be consumed as part #1 of the ayahuasca combination. So. I wanted to see what I could learn about it by snooping about in my library and doing a little bit of lab work. We tried to construct a botanical (not a classical) definition of Phalaris. according to him. I had a visit by a young ayahuasquero who wanted to show me examples of ayahuasca that he had prepared. is immediately inactivated by the body's chemistry if it is taken alone. and pod is a foot) so we have coot's feet. This is a grinding instrument that can be obtained at the local health food store. government printing office publication (1950) on the grasses of the United States informed me that Phalaris is an old Greek name for grass. It is self-descriptive. thus allowing the first component to become orally active. I was not making much headway. with (1) terminal perfect floret and (2) sterile lemmas below the rachilla disarticulating above the glumes. The second agent of the combination keeps the body from neutralizing the first. That is the only word I had to operate on. So here I had a grass that was a DMT source and. The first of these two components. Department of Agriculture text. The artist/craftsman/sage who can combine these two extracts together to create the material ayahuasca. and can reduce a pile of plant stuff to a glassful of liquid and some dry discards. my Webster's Collegiate Dictionary (which has few botanical aspirations) had another contribution in this area. serves to inactivate the body's inactivating defenses.

The common name for the entire collection of these grasses is Canary Grass. sterile lemmas reduced to two small. give you six additional directions to follow. I think I have discovered why. pointy thing. and each a part of the exclusive jargon of the botanists. Lemma: the lower of the two bracts enclosing the flower of the spikelet of grasses. a plant that first sprouts from the ground as a single-spiked. boat shaped. enclosing the faintly two-nerved palea. gave rise to new cascade of unknown words. It was introduced years ago into the United States and is now to be found everywhere here. In this Phalaris definition we have six words. each totally unknown. a blooming grass. This Phalaris is a foot-or-so high. canariensis. fertile lemma coriaceous. in turn. To use it you cut its tops. which is P. often winged on the keel." We were doubled over in laughter. A bract I have always known as the brightly colored inside first leaf of the bougainvillea that is usually assumed. its relatives warrant very close inspection as they are extremely rich sources . by most viewers. when looked up. but I am not sure that anyone has ever looked there. usually minute. However. Each one. and it has been raised both as bird seed and as a cereal. shorter than the glumes. that has for many years come from a plant that is known as Canary Island Grass. And bracts comprise the bright red display of the Christmas poinsettia. that likes a wet environment. Glume: a chaffy bract. largely through Southern Europe. There is a commercial product called Canary Seed.258 TIHKAL — The Continuation lemmas falling closely appressed to the fertile floret. Spikelet: one of the small few-flowered bracted spikes that make up the compound inflorescence of a grass or sedge. and has an upside-down thimbly-shaped blossom that makes it stand out from other grasses. This plant is an annual grass that had its origins in the Mediterranean area. In the more advanced parts of First World countries there is a professional business phenomena known as the phone tree in which you will be presented with six choices following your initial inquiry. I found myself becoming quite uncertain as to what even a grass was. Chaff I know to be the dusty stuff that goes Southwards when you toss threshed wheat into the air with a North wind blowing. scales (rarely only one). to be the blossom. So it is a regenerating crop. a common food product for caged birds. glumes equal. and each of these will. The second of the two botanical words I ever learned as a precocious child was monocotyledon. and leave the roots alone. I have yet to find a report of any analysis of this archetypal Canary Grass showing DMT to be present in it.

Another grass has the same species name. Its morphology is quite different from that of Phalaris arundinacea. aquatica. and most controversial member of this genus of grasses. But interestingly.2. It appears to be a versatile source of alkaloids. bufotenine." It has been called Harding Grass and Peruvian Wintergrass. and each deserves to be highlighted. 5-MeO-DMT. which is also a perennial. contains the three major tryptamines. and as such should not affect sheep that . This is a tragic reality in that sheep will forage on grasses and in some cases undergo extreme muscular disturbance. 5MeO-DMT and 5-MeO-NMT. arundinacea) is a perennial grass. It has been believed. There are a number of reports of DMT to be found in the literature on P. is the physically similar "Staggers Grass. containing not only DMT but also the mono-methyl analogue (NMT). It appeared in Australia early in this century. that these chemicals are responsible for this syndrome. as well as the 5-methoxylated counterparts of both. A direct administration of a major component.3. Four alkaloids are claimed to be present: DMT and the demethylated NMT. It is best known by its British origins as a reed grass that grows on the banks of British rivers and lakes. A variety of it is widely scattered through the midwest part of the United States. The grass. or the reed fescue. its blades are striped with white.4THbQ. but is of a different genus. this possible MAO inhibitor just might make the grass orally active. and unsubstituted tryptamine as well. but the embarrassing point is that neither DMT nor 5-MeO-DMT is orally active. and 5-MeO-DMT. it has often been called ribbon grass. or alta fescue. did indeed seem to duplicate this syndrome. A thin layer chromatographic analysis of seedlings has shown the presence of six additional alkaloids. DMT. specifically the 5-hydroxy and the 5-methoxy derivatives of each of these three tryptamine alkaloids. This specific plant is a true bete noire of the agricultural community in that it is directly connected to the "staggers syndrome" in sheep. tuberosa. "Staggers Grass". I do not know of a common name for this grass. there are reports that there is a simple beta-carboline present in this grass as well (2-methyl-l. Thus. bC itself. This is the plant P. The third. As an ornamental. This is Festuca arundinacea. and it has been promoted. and it is said to contain the simplest of the (b-carbolines.DMT is Everywhere of DMT. depending on the amount there. and it has been called Gardener's Garters. Not so. 259 — Reed Canary Grass (Phalaris arundinacea) (Phalaris aquatica) — Staggers Grass (Phalaris tuberosa) The Reed Canary Grass (P. and in the United States a couple of decades later. so I must accept that it is a different grass.

(called darnel). "Phyte" means a plant. If a drug is only active parenterally. and the implicated plants from the fescues to the rye grasses to even the ergots. A plant within a plant. stated in the Parables of the Bible to have been sown by the enemy. and the staggers syndrome may be the result of an ergot alkaloid present. and this has led to some reevaluations of the so-called toxic plants. Pay more attention. at the moment. One of these. hirsuta. that can take up residence inside another plant and grow. But as a preparation for what is to come. let me introduce a botanical reality called an endophyte. through its entire life cycle. Inside this grass there is an internal fungus. an endophyte. horses and sheep. which has been shown to contain lysergamide (ergine). I am surprised to learn that there can be a plant of sorts. which has been said to be caused by the grass called the Tall Fescue (or Reed Fescue). . the poisoned animal could not get the potentially active toxin via an oral route. The earliest argument was presented that it was the high DMT level in P. the vetch Vicia sativa or V. Again there is a very strong reason to suspect that a fungus is present. often a fungus. a fungus known on many grasses and associated with the syndrome "Choke Disease. is the needle grass Stipa robusta. Another grass. but this is not too surprising considering that "arundo" is the Latin word for reed.260 TIHKAL — The Continuation take it in their food by grazing. called "sleepy grass" which is largely narcotic to horses. as an invisible parasite. Acremonium coenophialum. Lolium temulentum. has been explained by the presence of yet another parasite fungus. Darnel is sometimes connected with the tare (the vetch seed). Is there some enzyme discovery to be made here? This "staggers" story is extremely complex and. Acremonium loliae. Pay careful attention. Another family of grasses that cause animal problems is the rye-grass group. But most scholars now believe that this poison weed was in fact a legume. and the poisons responsible for them. "Endo" means inside. The toxic properties of yet another rye-grass. There is a form of the "staggers" called Fescue Toxicity (or Fescue Foot) in cattle. tuberosa that caused the staggers in sheep. About a decade ago this concept became widely accepted and appreciated. Lolium perenne (called English ryegrass. actually has been connected with human intoxication. which just happens to contain (b-carboline). and no one knows yet just what is going on. Here is a quick overview of the staggers. The plant has the name Festuca arundinacea and this species name is identical to the above-named Phalaris species. ergovaline. there is no bottom line." This fescue endophyte has been found to be sufficiently distinct to deserve a new name. which is carried (totally invisibly) from the seed stage clear through to the final adult. This organism was initially thought to be Sphacelia typhina. the asexual state of Epichloë typhina.

DMT is Everywhere 261 Pay yet more attention. a superb synthetic precursor to LSD. perennial reed of a bamboolike nature. to control these problems. Almost all the published reports have located these alkaloids in the flowers or in the roots of the plant. The efforts of the Government to breed grasses with low DMT content. 5-MeO-NMT. which is one of the most productive ergot cultures for the generation of lysergic acid propanolamide. DMT is in these grasses. These plants have spun their way into the medicine cabinets of several South American tribes for the treatment of postpartum hemorrhaging. perhaps the ergot individual called Balansia cyperi. that causes "paspalum staggers" and its botanical name is Paspalum dilatatum. Such efforts will now be continued only for drug control reasons. as a general hemostatic agent. but DMT has no role in staggers. and of great interest to the searcher for plant sources of DMT or related tryptamines are: — Giant Reed — Common Reed — Bamboo (Arundo donax) (Arundo phragmites) (or Phragmites communis) (or Phragmites australis) (Phyllostachys spp. I truly believe that the motor problem of staggers in sheep and other grazing animals is due to lysergic acid derivative poisoning. not to protect grazing livestock. There is a grass called Dallis grass. . Ergots again are the prime candidates. has had no positive return. The quaternary methylated salt of DMT is in the flowers. This contains an infestation of Claviceps paspali. the vetch. I am totally convinced that DMT plays no role in this agricultural health problem. A related plant. The roots are a rhizomal system and they not only contain these active tryptamines. but bufotenine as well. which are known to be infested with the Claviceps fungi. staggers and the ergots. There is a final intimate marriage between grasses. and bufotenidine and the cyclic dehydrobufotenidine are in the roots. There are a number of grasses that. is represented by a number of species of the genus Cyperus. and for modifying the menstrual cycle. because of their firmness and height. The best known genera. as an abortifacient.) The giant grass Arundo donax is a tall. Another report puts 5-MeO-DMT in all of the plant's extracts. The blossoms have both DMT and the 5-methoxylated N-demethylated analogue. rather than tryptamine poisoning. A number of studies have found this plant to be a rich tryptamine source. Let's get back to the rich Gramineae family of true grasses again. are commonly called reeds or bamboo.

The reed fescue. which had been mentioned earlier. The major tryptamine present in the bamboo species is serotonin. Serotonin is an important neurotransmitter.262 TIHKAL — The Continuation The common reed can be found on banks of marshes. and always making squeaky sounds at the top as if their growing process was putting out noise. maybe man-made. they are strictly the tryptamine building blocks of the simple alkaloids. as does the related Arundinella hirta and the Cogon Grass Imperata cylindrica. as well as the grains we eat. lakes. In Palenque. I saw these in clutches many feet around. To me it was a thick pile of vertical sticks that you did not go through. One of the earliest memories I have is of a plant called bamboo. the rhizome. carrizo and it is used for making mats and screens. and nets for carrying things. which is particularly rich in DMT in the root system. standing dozens of feet high. In Mexico it is called. and of the twenty or more genera introduced to Western agriculture. — Reed Grass — Cogon Grass — Reed Fescue — Wild Rice — Rice (Calamagrostis spp. from the Arctic to the temperate zones. simply. with round and hollow stalks — it always struck me as being unnatural. There are chemically less dramatic (but still widely distributed) grasses which are called the foraging grasses. The list below includes these. It was a slender thing that grew very high.. but which you had to go around. . contains melatonin. Arundo phragmites and Phragmites communis are old synonyms for this reed. most remain totally unexplored as to the alkaloids that might be present. There is no pharmacological drama here. or reed grasses. Most of our cultivated bamboos are from the Orient. Calamagrostis spp. Festuca arundinacea. Neither of these is psychoactive. One carefully studied individual is Phragmites australis. are just a little disappointing in that they contain mainly serotonin. and melatonin is a neutral compound that plays a role in the night and day functioning of the pineal gland. but they have been transplanted around the world. which are further extentions of the grasses. Mexico.) (Arundinella hirta) (Imperata cylindrica) (Festuca arundinacea) (Zizania cacuciflora) (Oryza sativa) (Zea mays) (Hordeum vulgare) (Avena sativa) — Indian Corn — Barley — Oats The various reed grasses. and streams.

DMT is Everywhere As for the grains. mearnsii) contained almost 50% tannin. Some of the genera within the Leguminosae have many fascinating species. The first Wattle Club was formed in 1899. But again. where there are more than 700 native species. "wattle and daub"). LEGUMES The Pea Family.000 species. decurrens) was transplanted to large plantations in South Africa and. . Zea mays. The closely related acacia (the Green Wattle. jubatum. Hordeum vulgare. and the common name for them is Wattle (which comes from an old Anglo-Saxon word meaning "flexible twig" as in the term. Oryza sativa. that can take atmospheric nitrogen and convert it to a chemical fertilizer form that is given to the soil and has the potential for enriching it. the interest was a commercial one. One of the most bountiful of these. is the only agriculturally acceptable member of this lineage. the only family discussed will be the Leguminosae. to my knowledge. The common rice. and in 1910 the first national Wattle day was celebrated in Sydney. since these could be operated much more economically. Initially. it is called. Although many types of acacia can be found natively all around the world. melatonin is present in the grain seed and the leaf also. as far as tryptamine content is concerned. the Australian industry pretty much disappeared by the end of the nineteenth century. been explored as psychoactive chemicals. H. the sleep hormone. pycnantha and the Black Wattle (A. Here I will digress for a moment into a bit of "Down-Under" history. with upwards of a thousand genera.. wild rice. and over 10. Zizania spp. is the genus Acacia. which has sharp-pointed spikes that can pierce the nose and mouth of foraging stock. The more exacting classifiers insist on a small cluster of sub-families which some botanists claim are families unto themselves. along with a number of other N-substituted tryptamine amides which have not. and some are monotypic. Melatonin is also in the seed-kernel of ordinary corn. The legumes are also herbs and shrubs and trees. And they are one of the richest sources of tryptamines such as DMT. especially the fox tail barley. I had always thought of legumes as things likes peas and beans that have funny root nodules with some bacteria in them. But the fascination with the plant itself remained. This is Australia. is a food source and contains serotonin. but for this chapter. one of a kind. there is one country that for over a hundred years has had an intimate identification with them. The well-known cultivated barley. is a rich source of melatonin. as the bark of the Golden Wattle (A. Leguminosae (Fabaceae) 263 The legumes constitute probably the third largest family of plants. The lesser varieties are considered weeds. Nitrogen fixing. A.

but I have now learned that there are many acacias and some of them look very different from these that I am familiar with. the Golden Wattle was officially proclaimed Australia's national floral emblem. and heard from my Sydneysider host a nursery rhyme he had learned as a child: Here is the Wattle. He selected one specific A. who had performed and reported some careful work in contrast to my slapdash one-shot deal. Pursuing this plant in the botanical writings I discovered a paper written by a close friend of mine. exactly 75 years after the idea had been first proposed. and most of them are total dweebs. There were Wattle queens elected and crowned. and took samples of its leaves in the spring. The acacias were in bloom. In the fall. and again in the fall. Wattle Day badges were worn. A couple of years ago I stopped alongside the Claremont Hotel on Fish Ranch Road in Berkeley and snagged a clutch of acacia leaf. The emblem of our land. It was used for fund-raising for charities and for public morale connected with the World War I war efforts. but there are surprises. Just recently I had the pleasure of being in Sydney. The movement grew like topsy.02% alkaloid content to be a mixture of tryptamine (not DMT but the parent. read the literature. but I do remember that every spring there would be a burst of yellow trees on the hillsides all around us. I don't remember any botanical poems from my childhood days in Berkeley. and evaporated the extract down to a smudge which I dissolved in a couple of drops of toluene/butanol. this . unsubstituted tryptamine) and b-carbolines. fluffy yellow blossom was the total definition of this plant. the large.264 TIHKAL — The Continuation Adelaide and Melbourne on September 1. at a ceremony in Canberra. with tetrahydroharman being by far the major component. and (2). and every one pinned on a small sprig of it to wear to school. He carefully assayed these collections separately. Songs and poems were written. The spring selection showed the 0. But I shortly thereafter uncovered a surprising bit of information and learned a couple of lessons: (1). Some produce crops of economic importance such as Gum Arabic. nature is not simple. published some twenty years earlier. On the first of September. in the summer. baileyana. filtered it. I shot a microliter of this solution into the GCMS looking for DMT. baileyana tree near his home. In my naive innocence. I figured that our local acacia (A. I ground it up under some dichlor. which is called the Cootamundra Wattle in its native Australia) was simply a Bay Area dweeb. No DMT. and sprigs of Wattle were worn on lapels. You can stick it in a bottle Or hold it in your hand. 1988.

stem and trunk bark). in the leaf). in the leaf). nilotica (DMT. in the leaf). The summer collection was devoid of any alkaloids whatsoever. If the botanist were to have made a single study of this plant. and the plant is called A. 265 Watts' wattle!" . A. sieberiana (DMT. A. albida (DMT. or Queensland Silver Wattle (T. Acacia niopo is an old name for the plant Anadenanthera peregrina. A. I have heard several interesting stories of experiences with the Australian Wattle tree. phlebophylla or Buffalo Sallow Wattle (DMT. There is DMT (or NMT. he would have missed the seasonal variation. Early reports of DMT and NMT being components of the stem bark have been pharmacologically confirmed by a report made by some Sydney explorers who leached its bark with boiling methanol and. But he may have tried it a single time. Morgan's Wattle. in the leaf and stem). cultriformis or Golden Glow or Knife-leaf Wattle (T. which he described and named. which is mentioned below. in the leaf). and have come to a misleading conclusion as to its contents. in the leaf). and might not have remembered just when this trial occurred. or Maiden's Acacia. wattsiana. which was Watts. in the leaf and stem). but few if any have histories of cultural use despite the presence of these compounds. A. confusa (DMT and NMT. mellifera (DMT. seyal (DMT. If this information were to become widely known down under. As is often the case. One of the early botanists exploring and identifying the many acacia trees discovered a new species. vestita or Hairy Wattle (T. laeta (DMT. in the leaf). A. A. senegal (DMT. A. in the leaf). And how many reports in the literature are based upon a single collection from a group of plants without the time of year even being recorded? Or perhaps even the time of day? If a psychonaut were to have made a single study of this plant. and its common name is the rather remarkable Watts' Wattle. A. polyacantha (DMT. There are two additional Acacia and Sydney comments. stem and bark). A. Acacia maidenii. he gave it his name. There are some pretty macho reports about a few of the other species. which must be offered here. in the leaf). and A. in the leaf. A. smoked the residue to successfully generate a dramatic DMT trip. or T) reported in the following Acacia species: A. in the leaf. in the leaf). after evaporating the solvent. simplicifolia (DMT and NMT. one might hear a morning greeting between botanists at the University. and he would have found no activity in the summer months. A. A. to have discovered activity he might have had to eat it in the spring. podalyriaefolia or Mt. in the leaf). just as I cannot remember what time of year it was that I collected my own sample of acacia.DMT is Everywhere alkaloid fraction was exclusively tryptamine. smoke it in the fall. "G'dye. myte. The first is an Australian story. there in Sydney. There are quite a large number of other Acacia species that are well documented as containing methylated tryptamines.

266 TIHKAL — The Continuation The second is an Acacia story. There are even a couple of b-carbolines present. This snuff apparently was used throughout the Northwestern part of South America. and here we are discussing Anadenanthera peregrina. dried and finely powdered. and they are to be found in every part of the plant. the ancient history of the Near East and Egypt. or its plant origins. fermented. It deals with the acacias that are found in. a given plant may be associated with several snuffs. or the Umbrella Acacia. the bark and the root. as a means of organization? A given snuff may be associated with several plants. peregrina tree was called yopo. Bolivia. in Colombia. Do you focus on the drug concoction that is used. which was claimed to have come from the "original" "Tree of Knowledge. The third genus is Mimosa. Two of these related genera are named Piptadenia (originally Niopa) of which a number of species have slipped over into the second-named genus. I have chosen the plant and its components. bufotenine. These seeds of the Yopo Tree were moistened. There are three genera that are closely associated with the Acacia and with each other. the species names intact. which is now generally known as Anadenanthera peregrina. certainly tobacco and virola resin were used. as well as the two methoxylated analogues. Anadenanthera. This balsam oil was made from the A. tortilis. near the Dead Sea and the Sinai Desert. thankfully. Not only the seeds. 5-MeO-DMT and 5-MeO-NMT. One of the major legumes of interest in this nomenclature zoo is the plant Piptadenia peregrina (originally Acacia niopo or Mimosa peregrina). Here is a pristine example of the unresolvable conflict that I mentioned at the start of this chapter. Bufotenine was the first alkaloid isolated from the seeds (over 40 years ago) and this was followed shortly by the discovery of a host of related alkaloids. Probably the earliest known active drug forms in the New World were the snuffs of the Amazon (known generically as paricá) and the West Indies (where the name cohoba was used). There was a balsam oil peddled to the priests of yore by the Bedouins. This plant is a Pandora's box of tryptamines. and some of them give a . and sometimes botanists exchange their genus names but they usually keep. and it was made from the seed material from the tree's pods. NMT. The snuff from the A." which existed at the lowest point on earth. tryptamine. There are a lot of conflicting data as to the addition of other plants into the yopo. This is a sensible convention that has saved the amateur botanist much grief. mixed with lime (from snail shells). the filing of complex things under simple headings. Peru. This latter material is the stuff of a snuff in its own right. perhaps northern Argentina and certainly Brazil. Venezuela. Several publications have described these analyses. but the leaf. and identified with. all contain DMT.

huilca and cebil. Vinho de Jurema. verrucosa. (2) The plant that was used for the isolation of the alkaloid nigerine is M. communis. Piptadenia macrocarpa contains not only DMT. Three closely allied plants contain alkaloids. An even wider selection can be found in M. and falcata) contain bufotenine in their seeds. are less well known. there is something unacceptable with this picture as it now stands. Other Piptadenia spp. hostilis by boiling it a long time in water. Southern Brazil and Northern Argentina. The Jurema Tree. nigra and M. not orally active. (4) Nigerine is DMT. somnians where all of . Names such as Acacia jurema and Juremaprêta were assigned to several candidates. The alkaloid that was found to be present. It has a bark containing reasonably high quantities of DMT. and accepted as the responsible intoxicating agent. hostilis. The drink is made from the root of M. but some felt that it was a bush and others. including DMT. There are several additional species of Mimosa that have been found to contain DMT. There are various local names for the snuffs from these trees such as vilca. by itself. columbrina which is native to Peru. but bufotenine and its N-oxide as well in its seeds and pods. was named nigerine and later identified as DMT. M. if it is still being used somewhere in Brazil. Further. hostilis is the single source of the orally active intoxicating drink Vihno de Jurema. The third genus that is a close cousin to the Acacia is Mimosa.DMT is Everywhere 267 quantitative measure of alkaloid content. and less well studied. and called jurema preta in popular language. At least one of these statements must be changed: (1) M. but it was eventually determined that there were basically two kinds of jurema which were M. known botanically as M. a tall tree. but are not known as sources of drugs. (3) This alkaloid is the sole active component in the drink. the bark contains 5- MeO-NMT. Since DMT is. that might facilitate the connecting of the origins of this intoxicating drink to the jurema prêta. In early anthropological explorations. this plant was accepted as a narcotic plant. Piptadenia excelsa also contains DMT. Three species (P. or other clue indicators of origin. something is wrong. hostilis. bufotenine and its N-oxide. peregrina. The early studies on this particular species report many of the alkaloids that are present in A. None of these plants have been explored as to their psychoactive potential. A tree closely related to the Piptadenia peregrina (Anadenanthera peregrina) is the A. contorta. It would be a fascinating project to look for accompanying minor alkaloids. Bolivia. scabrella has been reported to contain DMT and NMT as well as unsubstituted tryptamine itself. Another wine has been made from a plant called jurema branca which has been identified as M. hostilis. has been used for centuries in northeastern Brazil as the source of an intoxicating drink.

5-MeO-DMT and their N-oxides) and bufotenine in both the leaf and the fruit. traces of DMT have been reported from the trunk bark of M. Another indolic alkaloid. the entire root contains 2% by weight. There are a total of nine additional legumes that have been reported as containing DMT and other tryptamines. As a DMT source. NMT is present in these tissues at 0. 5-MeO-DMT and 5-MeO-NMT as well. And. interestingly. and most of them contain pretty rich collections of tryptamine bases in general. and the root. Desmodium pulchellum has the same inventory. . but they either contain tryptamine-like alkaloids or they are almost physically indistinguishable from their cousins that do. but with 5-MeO-NMT and bufotenine present in addition. One very interesting plant is the Illinois Bundleflower. The roots of D. also melatonin. Its roots are a treasure house of tryptamines. the stem. with DMT and 5-MeO-DMT and their two N-oxides as the defining components of the leaf. Both are pharmacological unknowns. and none have become popular as drug sources. since N-HO-MDMA is equipotent to MDMA. Four species of the genus Desmodium demonstrate clear cases for their tryptamine content. perhaps N-HO-NMT would be equipotent to NMT. tenuiflora. None of them contain species that are sources of DMT. however. Petalostylis labicheoides contains DMT and NMT in leaf and stem and. but some nor-bufotenine and bufotenine N-oxide as well. And finally. Its leaves and root bark contain a reasonable variety of tryptamines. lespedamine. and I am not sure just how to deal with it. But then. Desmodium triflorum has all of the above. on the other hand.268 TIHKAL — The Continuation these are present plus bufotenine.5% and 8% respectively. including DMT and 5-MeO-DMT (and their N-oxides). None of these. One last legume problem remains. Lespedeza bicolor is a plant that has been studied as a uterine contractant. Desmanthus illinoensis. with one extraordinary exception. caudatum. Both N-hydroxy-NMT and 2-hydroxy-NMT are present. But there are other tantalizing goodies there. Desmodium gangeticum is the classic model. and the actual root bark itself contains a whopping 25%. all show examples of N-oxides of the more common alkaloids. the human activity of NMT has not yet been confirmed. and bufotenine. The Indian plant Mucuna pruriens has the same inventory (DMT. This story involves the mescal bean history of the early Indian population of the United States and Mexico. in that all have DMT as a major component. There are three more genera of the legumes that deserve special mention. but it is interesting that N-hydroxy-NMT bears the same relationship to NMT that N-hydroxy-MDMA does to MDMA. and all of them are very toxic and also have some passing reputation for producing a sort of psychotropic intoxication that is not well understood. simply contain DMT and bufotenine N-oxide. have shown a particularly high alkaloid content. is also present.

They are called frijolillo. measuring 10 to 12 millimeters in length and from 8 to 10 millimeters in diameter. The alkaloid composition is complex. But the term "Mescal Bean" refers to the seed of the plant Sophora secundiflora. but they must be consumed with care. These seeds have an ancient reputation for being psychedelic. there are reference books and photo-spreads and poison-plant manuals and ethnopharmacology theses. "Most Certainly Not. the red beans. Here it is. that are best known.DMT is Everywhere There have been red beans deeply involved in some ritual ceremonies throughout these areas for centuries. and has contributed to the naming of its primary alkaloid as mescaline. or simply colorines. and they may well have been a prelude to the Peyote cultures which are now well established. all of which are part of the ceremonial and toxicological history of our early indigenous population. to the red things with black dots on them somewhere." to be followed by an additional paragraph with other beans including teasers from Chiapas and from Australia entitled. known popularly as the Texas Mountain Laurel or simply Wild Laurel. if eaten. known as tequila. to simply the red beans found in the native marketplaces. can make a person ill. As I explained to my dear step-daughter Wendy. It is a name that had been used mistakenly by the Bureau of Indian Affairs to identify the peyote cactus. all referring to beans that are all red. Lophophora williamsii. I told Wendy that all I really wanted to do was to steal from somewhere a paragraph that presents all of this complexity in simple language. They are scarlet-colored. to red things that are really brown. is made specifically from the species A. or frijol-rojo. and they themselves contain some of the alkaloids of the seeds and. I have looked quite widely. Its lavender blossoms are dramatic against the barren Southern Texas desert. and is often seen in Spanish as mezcal. known botanically as being of the genus Agave. and I don't think that paragraph exists. It has been used for the strong distilled alcoholic drink made from the Century Plant or Maguey. closely related to the piperidines and pyridinols rather than to the 269 . to the red and black mixed half-andhalf things. as there is a fine line between intoxication and poisoning. or the Red Bean Dance. so I have to write it myself. tequilana." The "Probably Yes" deals with the story behind the Mescal Bean culture that existed for years in the Southwest United States and the Northern Sonora and Chihuahua desert of Mexico. in a tradition known as the Deer Dance. or frijolito. Mescal is a tricky word with many connotations. It is the seeds themselves. They are small. The dried top of the cactus has been called a Mescal Button. There are sections called "Probably Yes" and "Probably No. One specific mescal drink. and have a centuries-old history of use in Indian culture. an attempt to verify the botanical identity of the red beans reputed to have been used in Southwest Indian ceremonies for centuries.

Abrin. or simply the Jequirity plant. Its seeds have been called crab's eyes.N. which is N-methyl tryptophan. They have seeds which are very easily confused with the Sophora seeds. but they are quite a bit smaller. can be fatal to man. ( I do not know the species) which has the same general dimensions. Two of the three interesting drugs derived from the seeds of this plant have similar names. also known by the trivial names. coral beans. although they have totally dissimilar chemistry. with the name Rati. 6-12 millimeters in length. in India. The "Probably No" entry deals with two species of legumes known as Erythrina. and is the topic of an appendix to this book. widely recognized in folk medicine. I have one additional set of E. spp.270 TIHKAL — The Continuation tryptamines. They are also red in color. whereas that of the mescal bean is cream colored. and a potential source (after decarboxylation) of . is an extremely toxic protein fraction. The second drug is abrine. rosary beans. lenticine and glyyunnanenine. The class of alkaloids that are usually associated with the Erythrina collection are four ring systems. slightly larger ratio of length to diameter. by average only half that dimension in diameter. These beans are again bright red. as mescal beans. and have been actually sold together. The plant has the binomial Abrus precatorius. in some native markets. red beans. intermixed. with a defining nucleus of a tetrahydro-isoquinoline. This is a precursor to all sorts of potential tryptamine alkaloids discussed later under the section in this chapter called biosynthesis. The other species of Erythrina I have is E. cytisine. They have been used widely as necklaces in the Southwest and the corresponding seeds. It has been said that one seed. they have a dark hilum (this is the navel-like spot where the seed is attached to the pod that sheaths it). (N. and have cream-colored hila. and under the catch-all term. There is a tryptamine connection. Furthermore.N-dimethyltryptophan. have been used as weight standards. which can kill a mouse at a total dose of about 1 microgram. also called toxalbumin. and can be located under the class name.Ntrimethyltryptophan) in their seeds. colorines. in that almost twenty species have been reported to contain hypaphorine. the seeds of Erythrina flabelliformis are most similar to those of Sophora secundiflora. the Rosary Pea. This latter unit is associated with the cactus alkaloids. Of the two species I have in my collection. The "Most Certainly Not" listing deals with the little red seeds that have a black spot at the base that covers more of the surface of the seed than just the hilum itself. This is the methyl quaternary salt of N. or Indian or Wild Licorice. herbocea. The best-studied member of this legume group has been called the Weather Plant. but with a coal-black hilum. Here the alkaloid overlap with the tryptamines becomes quite strange. however. well chewed. or prayer or jumble beads. therefore appearing less spherical.

black. ellipsoid. The bark can be taken from felled trees and. with a wandering line that separated the two colors. and there is no black on it at all. the trimethyl quaternary salt of tryptophan. Ormosia monosperma. The Lacandon name is: "äh ch'änk'ala'" and it has the binomial of Canna indica. but there is a claim that the root of this plant contains as much as 7% of this tryptamine precursor. and they deal with Indian cultures in their own way. The third drug is. Or. hypaphorine. with the resins obtained from their bark. spherical seed of about 5 millimeters in diameter. The Mexican seed used is bright red. These were quite large beads. and reduced to a sludge which is dried in the sun and then ground up to form the snuff. The heart of this section is the Virola plants. but also unidentified! An interesting but different seed used in their necklaces is a small. As to the plant parts that contribute to the drug. I asked my German botanist ally if he could give names to the plant. and I was informed that there were male and female names. or boiled with water. Virola calophylla. but which is unidentified! Yet I have also found a photograph in Emboden's "Narcotic Plants" that shows what appear to be these very seeds from a tree with the name Rhynchosia pyramidalis. These are red 271 beans that just might be confused with any of the above. While interacting with the Lacandon Indians in the Palenque Ruins last year. The first of these are bright red in color. What is it called? The snuff itself goes by many names. and with the snuffs that have been made from them. on being heated. which on grinding becomes the snuff.DMT is Everywhere NMT. Some recipes call for the addition of plants outside of the Virola group. "äh äm u tooni" which is a huge legume tree assigned a male role. with no red on it at all. rufula. assigned the female role. will exude the red resin which on boiling down provides an amber-like solid. Back to the DMT world. It is plentiful in the seeds. They are here just because they are fun. with a splash of black color on one edge that covers almost half the bean. there is a blood-red resin that needs to be gotten one way or another from its bark. the inner surface of the bark can be scraped into shavings that can either be roasted and pulverized to form the snuff. and about 5 millimeters thick. depending . again. There is more in this "Most Certainly Not" category. about a centimeter in diameter. The Lacandon name is. and V. I am totally befuddled. there are three that are well known and the most thoroughly studied. my wife bought a few necklaces that were strings of red Leguminosae beads. but which cannot be in any way considered part of the Southwest United States or Northern Mexican cultures. As to the plants. strained. but maybe a slight discoloration at the hilum. and somewhat larger samples from the socalled necklace tree. fully a centimeter long. red and black (largely red). theiodora. V. almost circular. The Lacandon name is: "äh äm u ch'up" which is another closely-related gigantic legume tree.

The bark is also a source of the carboline 6-methoxy-2-methyl-l. Also. The carboline chemical family contains a number of effective monoamine oxidase inhibitors which would allow the orally inactive tryptamines to show activity when taken by mouth. calophylloidea and V. . and the flowers can be twice this level. have been found in various parts of the plant. but they have apparently never been analyzed. loretensis (= multinervia). Two Virola species (V. to help in the diagnosis and treatment of their patients. It is.3. there are two relatively unknown stragglers of academic interest in the tryptamine world. In others. Some anthropological field notes have suggested that the dried inner bark might have been smoked.25% DMT by dry weight. and root of Virola rufula and. except for 5-MeO-NMT. yakee and yato are more common in Colombia. These are probably not psychoactive. calophylla. generally restricted to the post-adolescent male population. V. V. the N-formyl and the N-acetyl derivatives of NMT. and usually at levels too low for any serious consideration as a practical source of DMT. This exact same tryptamine content is present in the leaf. The five remaining Virola species that have been studied contain just DMT and 5-MeO-DMT in their leaf and bark (and root bark). Also. but so is the N-oxide of DMT and of 5-HO-DMT (bufotenine). 5-MeO-DMT is also present at sizable levels. discussed later under biosynthesis.4-tetrahydrocarboline. There is a Malaysian tree Horsfieldia supurba with 5MeO-DMT reported in the leaves. which contains abrine methyl ester.2. but their resemblance to melatonin is intriguing. These are V. However. Osteophloum platyspermum. its use is quite general and serves a social role in entertainment or in special ceremonies. however. peruviana. epená (ebene) and nyakwana are heard in Brazil. Two additional routes of using the Virola snuff must be seriously considered. NMT and 5-MeO-DMT are present. theiodora from the Brazilian Amazon. Also. elongata. sebifera. and both of the mono-methyl homologues. The names paricá. V. two unexpected amides are reported as being in this plant. as both are pharmacologically reasonable. some of the claims of oral activity of the snuff may be explained by the reports of the presence of methoxylated beta-carbolines in several of the species. and V. in the bark and leaf of V. pavonis.272 TIHKAL — The Continuation on the locale of its use. NMT and 5-MeO-NMT. venosa. there is a paper that discusses another Myristica relative. and DMT is well established as being active by this route. Final comments with the Myristicaceae. A rather complex assortment of alkaloidal components have been reported in V. DMT. The most thoroughly studied Virola plant is V. How is it used? In some cultures. and the witch-doctors. cuspidata) have been reported as having positive color tests for alkaloids. the use of the snuff is restricted to the tribal elders. Its bark can run as high as 0. bark.

3. Quinine is mentioned here only because it is a standard diluent of heroin on the U. A quiet dream of mine is to get together a small but compatible team of curious scientists of several disciplines. In the West. or by the restriction of the selling of chain-saws or matches. but no telephone or radio. canephora and C. was neither recognized nor described by botanists until only a few years ago. TEA. The only DMT-containing plants in this family are of the genus Psychotria. that way it will pass the Western field test. or with financial maneuvers.4-tetrahydrob-carboline). thus taken as authentic. It has only been used in mixtures. This is truly 50% of the ayahuasca world. and yet it had never been used for any of the snuff preparations.S. the mythology says that really pure heroin will numb the tongue. So many noble people are trying to stop the destructive trashing of the Amazon heritage through legal arguments. just collecting and analyzing and recording for posterity. Here is one of the most widely used plants in two of the accepted religions of Brazil. and the Betel leaf that is chewed with it is from the pepper. Rubiaceae I know that the world's coffee supply comes from the seeds of the plant Coffea arabica. liberica and the world's tea supply comes from the leaves of Camellia sinensis. But few would guess that the fourth was Betel nut. The nut itself is from Areca catechu with the active component arecoline. so there is the addition of benzocaine to the pile of sugar that surrounds heroin. Amazingly. marijuana is way down there with cocaine and opium as runners-up. This is due to the belief that pure heroin is bitter. Then. an OK kitchen and wine-cellar (if one could put one on a flat-bottomed barge). Caffeine is one of them.DMT is Everywhere 273 COFFEE.2. Piper betle. There are four psychoactive drugs that are head and shoulders above all others. East Coast. commit a year to wandering up the Amazon into the boondocks. These two drinks account for over 95% of the brewed caffeine drinks consumed in the world. An innocent boat would . and this would be a rich area for exploring the extent of alkaloid distribution. and with the addition of quinine the diluted heroin is indeed bitter. in that they can claim over a billion users each. a rich and available source of DMT (and NMT and a little N-methyl-1. QUININE and PSYCHOTRIA The Madder Family. whose leaves are an essential component of the two-part sacrament ayahuasca. There are many closely-related species of Psychotria that have been found and described in the Brazilian flora. I find it totally amazing that the plant Psychotria viridis. and the bulk of the remainder is met by the seeds of the guarana plant Paullinia cupana and the yerba maté leaves of Ilex paraguariensis. rustica). C. Most people can guess that the second and third are alcohol and nicotine (from Nicotiana tabacum and N. never alone. a good library. equip a flatbottomed barge with a pile of instruments.

The coryanthine and yohimbine alkaloids from the plant Corynanthe johimbe. 2-methyltetrahydro-bcarboline. rather interestingly. of a carboline. The women of Burma use a yellow face paint that is known by the native name. but there is no further mention of tryptamines. from the Greek word for fragrance) because the teas made from the leaves or blossoms are extremely aromatic. drupacea (an . and yet one I have trouble in really pinning down (called the Vepris spp. AND ANGOSTURA BITTERS: The Citrus Family Rutaceae Here is a little known family that has everything and truly deserves to be at the forefront of the tryptamine literature. and they contain alkaloids such as quinolinones and isoquinolines. Several contain alkaloids of the phenethylamine and carboline classes (synephrin and evodiamine) and the fruits and roots of E." This powder comes from the stems of the tree that is known locally as the elephant-apple or the wood-apple. and botanically as Limonia acidissima (or L.274 TIHKAL — The Continuation be a totally different approach to the saving of the rain-forest. They have a broad tradition from the Philippines. but the leaves of D. rutacarpa are known to contain 5-MeO-DMT. Both of these have revealed com- pounds of central activity. americanam) which have the herb lore fame as a circulatory stimulant and for the relief of arthritis and rheumatism. Many medical uses have evolved over the years with the rue plants of the genus Evodia (often spelled Euodia. But it is the bark and berries of this latter plant (Z. Both DMT and NMT are present in the leaves of Zanthoxylum arborescens and Z. Their extracts are just now appearing as herbal medicines through the health food stores. This is the family of many of the rich smells of the spice cabinet. I have heard the name Hercules' Club given this plant. It is the 5-MeO-DMT that should be more closely identified with the Rutaceae. LEMONS. both intimate cousins of the Prickly Ash. and into China. vis. Let me take the DMT sources first.. There is one report that Vepris ampody contains over 0. crenulata or Hesperethusa crenulata). build it up from there with binomials and then with other alkaloids. through Southeast Asia. There are dozens of plants here that are super sources of both DMT and especially of 5-MeO-DMT. and the mitragynine alkaloids of the Mitragyna speciosa are gathered here under this family name. "tanaka. A DMT-rich genus.2% DMT but there are several other species known to have medical use. It has been found to be a substantial source of both DMT and the acetamide of NMT and. and the oils on the palette of the artist making Screwdrivers and Bloody Marys.) is an unusually rich DMT source. procerum. LIMES. The leaves of Dutaillyea oreophila contain hordenine and 2-methyl-6-methoxy- (b-carboline in addition to 5-MeO-DMT. which have been ignored.

in that the closely related plant P. and you have it. it is a completely unexplored tryptamine. The leaves contain the same spectrum of alkaloids. harmaline (harmadine) and tetrahydroharmine (leptaflorine). coupled with the fact that these families' names are words I have only read.4%. which is a pretty heavy duty poison. These are the two major contributors to this fascinating drink. A remarkably parallel story can be found with another New Caledonia plant. That. Banisteriopsis caapi (of the family Malpighiaceae) is a major source of harmine (telepathine." It . the reputation these two families enjoy is in the role they play as activators of the DMT contained in other plants. yageine). These serve as the inhibitors of the body's destructive enzymes that would normally keep us from experiencing any oral activity from DMT. but no tryptamines 275 were detected. Admittedly. presents an intriguing parallel to the cathinone story. namely 3-(N.DMT is Everywhere endemic New Caledonian shrub) contain only this latter base. but 5-MeO-DMT. In the story of the South American ayahuasca. to the (b-carbolines (the harmala alkaloids) that are in them. Perhaps a bit of caution is called for here. Actually. the plant Banisteriopsis caapi plays a giant role. although present at the 0. One of the other alkaloids in the leaves. The bark stem of both plants were rich in quinoline alkaloids. however. A good rule of nomenclature to use as a guide in these alkaloidal areas is to respect that prefix. But it also contains a rich collection of other alkaloids. HARMINE and HARMALINE (The Families Malpighiaceae and Zygophyllaceae Here is the other half of the ayahuasca story. And I have offended a number of botanists by calling it the "Bad Pork group. makes it easy for me to fool around with them. One additional. and to the extent of over 0. jaborandi is the source of the plant product Jaborandi. unexpected occurrence of 5-MeO-DMT is in the leaves of Pilocarpus organensis. pharmacologically. known botanically as Melicope leptococca. it is there in only a small amount but. a one foot high bushy shrub that grows at the higher elevations of Mount Boulinda. there was actually isolated 450 mg of an alkaloid fraction that was 98% 5-MeO-DMT. exclusively.N-dimethylaminoacetyl)-5-methoxyindole." I cannot pronounce either family name easily as I have always had some difficulty with the letter "h" to make something hard that would normally be soft.2% level. or Maranham. never heard. and "zygo-fill" is not far behind! Just add "yeasee-ee" at the end. is only 35% of the inventory. mostly carboline-related. just as does the Syrian Rue (Peganum harmala) in the Northern Hemisphere. From a kilo of powdered leaves. and their contributions are due. This contains the potent cholinergic drug Pilocarpine. "Malpiggy" is just sitting there. This is the ketone analogue of 5-MeO-DMT. "harm.

ONE SHOT FAMILIES What I call one-shot families is a scatter of plants here and there which happen to contain DMT or a close relative. It contains largely harmine and harmaline. and probably do not contribute to the overall action of the plant extract. but mostly from the botanical view as ayahuasca components. With a carbonyl group. a wealth of tryptamines with DMT leading the list. and vice versa. Certainly the use of Syrian Rue has become extremely popular in the structuring of new and novel combinations popularly known within our own domestic scene as ayahuasca. Several other species of Banisteriopsis have been studied. but nothing earth- . and the acid corresponding to harmaline (harmalinic acid). caapi. Ayahuasca chapter. hanging down from the bottom of the right-hand ring of a carboline. rusbyana. A second major natural source for harmala alkaloids is Peganum harmala. in the ayahuasca preparations used in present day Brazilian religious services. sometimes called B. An exception is a species of great potential interest. attached to the 1position. which is the island hanging down below the right-hand buttock of Australia. Something in a way similar to the location of Tasmania. there is a trace of a carboline (N-methyl-tetrahydro-b-carboline) in the tryptamine fraction from B. at least the right-hand ring as the structure is usually drawn. quite unexpectedly. with an acetyl group. caapi. acetyl norharmine. But. The alkaloids present without that carbon atom on the 1-position usually have names with a "nor" in them which says that atom is not there. Here one finds. They all have that single carbon atom. or Syrian Rue (of the Family Zygophyllaceae). Just as one finds a little island of yin in the middle of the yang. in B. the DMT comes exclusively from Psychotria viridis (Rubiaceae) and the harmine/harmaline mixture comes exclusively from B. But there is also NMT present. rather than from curiosity about chemical composition. but there are small amounts of many additional alkaloids present (things such as vasicine and related quinazoline compounds) as well as not only serotonin but the 6-hydroxy positional isomer of serotonin. including the methyl ester of harmic acid and its amide. cabrerana and now commonly known as Diplopterys cabrerana. And there is a charming bit of yin-yangness associated with these two quite opposite plants.276 TIHKAL — The Continuation means that there is a carbon atom. Thus. These have been mentioned in the Hoasca vs. B. 6-hydroxytryptamine. one carbon atom. as well as 5-MeO-DMT and bufotenine. caapi there are several compounds with that "harm-" prefix. one has ketotetrahydronorharmine. rusbyana and a trace of 6-methoxytryptamine in the carboline fraction from B. at least in the way that the map of Australia is usually drawn.

In the family Aizoaceae. the extent that these tryptamines might contribute to the overall activity. The family Lauraceae contains the laurels and the bays. I know of no native use of any of these. Nectandra megapotamica contains NMT largely in the bark. Apparently Urtica pilulifera. not worth pursuing. but a true isomer of DMT with a 1-ethyl rather than an N. but some of the closely related tryptamines are known to be present. that is well established as an active plant in its own right. but a few are trees. or as an unexpected bonus during a phytochemical study pursuing something quite unrelated. which contains the parasitic plant. the one-foot high J. in the family Polygonaceae. at the moment. here. that have been looked at contain only serotonin. DMT and NMT have been reported in some species of the genus Delosperma. including Arthrophytum leptocladum. However. I have just stumbled onto another family. or as an occasional additive to other plants in ceremonial use. In the family Ochnaceae there is a Cameroon tree-shrub known as Testulea gabonensis which contains DMT as well as NMT (and its formamide) in the trunk bark. so no one really knows.DMT is Everywhere shaking. NMT. there is a genus of plants. A. Similarly. Loranthaceae. Justicia. The leaves of the best studied species. Several genera in this group have been studied as to their alkaloid content. Its berries apparently contain 1-ethyltryptamine. not because of biological activity. Traces of NMT have been reported in several genera. The family Chenopodiaceae is composed of the goosefeet and pigweeds.Ndimethyl. there is a report of DMT in a species of Eriogonum. but due to a positive alkaloid color test. contains bufotenine. In bringing one of the appendices up to date. but most have no tryptamines present other than the ubiquitous serotonin. The family Urticaceae is best known as the source of nettles. The family Acanthaceae contributes a single active plant. wakhanicum. contains all the needed compounds for activity. all the remaining families have been . Most of these have come to light. there are reports that this is used only as a flavoring agent for popular snuffs. pectoralis. of unknown pharmacology. but none of the plants that were looked at contained DMT or 5-MeO-DMT. and the Oregon and California West Coast variety (Umbellularia californica) contains bufotenine. The Brazilian variety. Girgensohnia dipteria. Most members of this genus are herbs and shrubs. the Roman Nettle. but in my own searching of the botanical literature. DMT and 5-MeO-DMT. The several Persea spp. mistletoe. There is no mention of DMT here. I am sure that there are small treasures scattered about here and there that I have missed. Although most of the single plant sources of the South American snuffs have been 277 named under the Virola collection above. Haloxylon scoparium and Hammada leptoclada but only in very small amounts.

will this be easily explored in future research? Not in the United States. Will the natural sources of DMT eventually be exhausted or effectively removed from availability? Such an outcome is hard to imagine. even the value. Perhaps this review can provide some useful information. since the activity of a suspect plant found in the field cannot be quickly determined by tasting a leaf or nibbling a root. The fact that DMT is not orally active demands that some unusual degree of added sophistication must be used in surveying new candidates. For example: Are "natural" drugs inherently safer or better than synthetic drugs? DMT was first synthesized in the laboratory and remained a "synthetic" drug for a couple of decades until it was identified from a plant source. Nothing changed except for the positions taken by the advocates on the two sides. Pendell. implies that there are hundreds more out there as yet unknown. can never be made sufficiently pure to eradicate all the trace tell-tale fingerprints of congeners that will forever define its origins.N-dimethyltryptamine. TIHKAL. It has played and will certainly continue to play a pivotal role in the philosophy of drug definition and in the continuing dialogue between medicine and the law. This chapter alone gathers hundreds of sources of the drug and. nature or the laboratory. N. This has been a broad but brief overview of the ubiquitous nature of a very simple molecule. Rätsch. The first step needed would be to abandon the thoughtless compounding of . essentially. If there is a role for DMT to play as a neurotransmitter or valid ligand in brain chemistry. A sample from either source. There is an open acknowledgment in several European countries of the validity. Remember that unapproved research with it was prohibited several years before it was discovered to be a possible neurotransmitter. Then. I fear. Ott. it became a "natural" drug. of scientific research and personal inquiry into the exploration of one's own consciousness by any of several means including the use of psychedelic drugs. the "T" in the name of this book. There is an increased awareness of the Brazilian religious use of ayahuasca and the importation of these ideas into the United States and Europe. by extrapolation. There is a proliferation of books by articulate authors such as McKenna. This honest and healthy view will some day take root in the United States. or DMT. It is amongst the smallest and simplest of the chemicals in the tryptamine world and it is. There are the ethnopharmacologists on the internet who are continually exploring and reporting new plant materials.278 TIHKAL — The Continuation without anything close to DMT. The discovery process will remain difficult for the ethnopharmacologist as well as the prohibitionist. De Korne. and that restriction has never been lifted. of course. Yet these trace impurities will never be successfully argued as contributing to the action of the drug itself. Stolaroff and many others. in our lifetimes.

Then he collects his urine for the next 48 hours. but it calls totally upon the living organism. in a 67% yield. then filters. concentrates. There are many in-between levels of chemical reaction where one might ask if a living process was indeed being used. and its uterus was a glass beaker. distills and crystallizes. has no other association with a living process. flowers." the target achieved. concentrates. a steam bath and a reflux condenser. using standard in vitro techniques. trees. the political rewards derived from the increased demonizing of these chemicals far outweigh any conceived medical rewards that might come from the study of them. a flask. weighs this and pipettes that.DMT is Everywhere drug laws and governmental control of medical and scientific research. All the biochemists and pharmacologists at the semi-annual Pharmacology and Experimental Therapeutics conference in Boston will discuss metabolism. coral. in that it was conceived on a cocktail napkin. frogs. bioconversion and the role of this isozyme and that enzyme promoter. The end product "B. the chemist will say. extracts. But within the United States." then finds a beaker. a stirrer. who stands at the lab bench. There were almost no glass (vitro) containers used but rather the living body (vivo) was the beaker. This entire chapter is about living systems — fungi. Perhaps 279 progress will be made in some of the other Western countries where possession of and research with these chemicals is becoming more accepted. It is still the art of synthesis. But "A" just might have been converted to "B" by the chemist in quite a different way. and the person who achieves the conversion is called the chemist. The only living thing involved in the entire process is the chemist himself. He has synthesized "B" from "A" in a 67% yield using standard in vivo techniques. grasses. What if he had dissolved "A" in a cup of water or packed it into a gelatin capsule. The usual process followed is: the chemist gets "A. That is synthetic chemistry. There are no indicators that these requirements will lessen in the future. and extracts. BIOSYNTHESIS The conversion of a chemical "A" into another chemical "B" is the art of synthesis. at least to almost all of the chemists that you meet and talk to at the semi-annual American Chemical Society conference. Several grim stories have been told describing the complications faced in seeking official permission for any research with Schedule I drugs. I have succeeded. distills and crystallizes. and swallowed it? His body is the beaker and his liver or lungs provide the synthetic capability for the wanted conversion. and takes his isolated product down the hall to the pharmacologist or to the patent attorney. and boils "A" with this and that for some number of hours. . seaweed. in synthesizing "B" from "A" in the laboratory.

you can study a tree to discover its patterns of growth and maturation. But what if one were to use a living individual.280 TIHKAL — The Continuation You can learn from nature. . and this is what the organism makes. Let's keep this little fungal factory going. The available target for this skill. but run the reaction in a non-living glass container? How about the making of wine by growing yeast in a sugar solution? Or the incubation of your starting material "A" with an otherwise discarded umbilical cord from a newborn sheep? What if you isolate the enzyme fraction from the liver of a living rabbit and use it as your chemical reagent? Are these in vivo or in vitro processes? I want to close this chapter with three examples of twilight chemistry that are. and there is one product. which was first reported by the Sandoz Laboratories. the enzyme system would produce 4-HO-MIPT which is fully as potent as psilocin. Visualize a vigorous growing mycelium culture that is synthesizing psilocin by bringing together the natural DMT in its diet with a vital but not-toodiscriminating enzyme that has the capacity for putting a hydroxyl group onto a tryptamine. The hydroxylating compulsion appears to be still there and is quite intact. The product is 4-hydroxy-DMT. but a compound that is unknown in nature. illustrations of the imposition of the hand of man onto otherwise natural living systems. The mycelium has the knowledge of how to 4-hydroxylate something. You are exploiting a natural process by providing it with an unnatural starting material. There is one starting material. What happens? The mycelium produces a bunch of 4-hydroxy-DET. and choose to join it in its world. And this product is what gives importance and substance to the biologically active magic mushrooms. because this is all that can be made. but wash out the DMT and replace it with something like DET. I will wager that if the mycelia were to be sprinkled with MIPT. or some preparation that had once been a living system. and unrecognized in any legal system in any country that I am aware of. The mushrooms that are produced do not know that they are the vehicles of alien seed. an interesting compound and an active psychedelic. there is one synthetic capability. let's manipulate things a little bit. be they grown in the field or in the lab. and become intimate with it through much patience. in the natural mushroom. just happens to be DMT. in essence. They are located somewhere inbetween the natural world (in the living organism) and the inanimate laboratory world (in the flask on the steam bath). Eloquent examples of this are the delightful reports of indole syntheses that were explored in Germany over the last few years. This is most certainly in vivo synthesis. but it doesn't really care what that something is. or psilocin. You get to know the living entity. Now. and allowing it to generate a product that is intrinsically unnatural.

but it does indicate that access to foreign ergotamine tartrate is not an essential preliminary to illegal drug synthesis. as I remember. although two more have sneaked in by the dirty trick route. who had spent some post-graduate time in Italy in the laboratory of a Professor of Microbiology. the plant must follow one of two possible paths. and neither inclusion has been legally challenged. If they are things that contain illegal drugs (and indeed psilocin and psilocybin are named as Schedule I drugs) then they are the package in which these chemicals are transported or made available. for this synthetic act to constitute a criminal act. One of these was. They are not illegal. But think for a moment. are not recorded anywhere in the law. One of his discoveries was that there were unusual species within the Ergot world that could be easily grown in small broth vats. As I remember (it has been a few decades) the boiling of this alkaloid in toluene would split off the aminoalcohol and produce lysergic acid which could be converted. to psilocin. would produce hundreds of milligrams of the propanolamide of lysergic acid. To make this transformation. that are explicitly specified in the statutes. you can always argue that this book is a work of fiction. psilocin and psilocybin. Both Tabernanthe iboga and Catha edulis became listed through administrative maneuvering. the product would have to be intended to be used in man. the ergot line called Claviceps paspali. And. but the prosecutor would have to prove that there had been the production there of a chemical that you knew to be substantially similar. It is only the components of mushrooms. Yet another example.e. Virtually all the plant syntheses of interesting DMT derivatives have their origins in the amino acid tryptophan. My God. A quart of goop giving rise to a few tens of thousand doses of acid? My friend was not aware of this possibility. why could you not possess it with total immunity? The Controlled Substance Analogue Bill of 1986 might be an added hurdle. neither then nor even today. . What an interesting argument of innocence. Perhaps they (the Suits) will quote this book? If they do. There are only four plants named in the law itself. in action. to a few hundreds of milligrams of LSD. inoculated with a clean probe of this organism. In the 1970 Controlled Substances Act these four plants are Peyote.DMT is Everywhere It has occurred to me that I have touched upon a fascination point of law. 281 Opium and Coca. One of my early mentors was a Professor of Medicinal Chemistry in San Francisco.. Consider a second example in this in vivo/in vitro dialogue. If a mushroom of a naughty genus had only non-scheduled indoles present in it. He was learning the process of making and using culture media for the growing of fungal clones. But mushrooms? Psilocybe spp. Federal law does not specify any mushrooms as being illegal. with appropriate care. Marijuana. i. A liter of sterile medium.

and a universally accepted safe sedative. In short. by injection. the short-cut was removed. "Abrin" is a proteinaceous isolate.N. or to the public at large without a prescription. is no longer allowed. Consider the N-methylated tryptophans. available for many years. Then. one can go from tryptophan to DMT by some enzymatic process that adds methyl groups either before or after decarboxylation. It is an essential amino acid. decarboxylases and N-methyl-transferases. Both abrine and abrin come from the seeds of the very poisonous plant Abrus precatorius. Right on top of this one must reckon with the trimethylated tryptophan. the betaine of tryptophan and the monomethyl counterpart abrine which is found in the . despite the open acknowledgment that the crisis is past. Very little has been reported about the amino acid. or perhaps just the amount that is in one of these most attractive and colorful seeds. All of this is discussed in the tryptamine recipe. N-Methyltryptophan is called abrine. during the period of contamination. There are three very similar words here. inexpensively.282 TIHKAL — The Continuation There can be decarboxylation of tryptophan to produce tryptamine followed by methylation. an archetypical protein building block. Each of these two needed steps can be achieved by enzyme systems called. a reactive by-product was left in as a trace contaminant. and a toxic impurity was formed which led to a problem called eosinophilia-myalgia syndrome (EMS). here I am talking about compounds. Tryptophan is the obvious starting spot for this particular form of bio-conversion to DMT. not surprisingly. except that it can be present in the seed to the extent of 5%. There I talked about seeds and plants. the source was found. of course. abrine. N. The lethal dose to man of this material has been said to be less than a milligram. but the isolate abrin is composed of proteins that are quite specific as to their effectiveness in hemagglutination and cytotoxicity. or there can be methylation of tryptophan followed by decarboxylation. and the product was again potentially available as a non-prescription health aid. People were hurt. a total restriction on the availability of tryptophan was ordered by the FDA on the sales of the amino acid and. "Abrine" is the amino acid. And if there is to be aromatic substitution (say. The mono-methyl and the tri-methyl alkaloidal amino acids are most commonly found in the small tropical shrubs and vines of the Leguminosae. The lethal dose of abrin to a single mouse. may be about one microgram. a few years ago. But. 5hydroxylation) it can occur at any intermediate stage. a major Japanese manufacturer shortened its production recipe by one step. sale to health food stores. "Abrus" is the original British Pharmaceutical Codex name for the actual seeds and it is. in every health food store.N-Trimethyltryptophan quaternary salt. which has been lumped together with several other red-seed plants in the Leguminosae section earlier. the genus name of the plant.

N. in trace amounts. in Maryland. stem. licorice. Yet it can sneak in. Pterocarpus officinalis. It is also in the seeds of the edible lentil Lens culinaris. callistachys that has mentioned the presence of the methyl ester of abrine. A final comment. Even the betaine-type quaternary hypaphorine (in Lens culinaris) can eliminate trimethylamine metabolically. Narrow-leaf Poison. Both of these methylated tryptophans. in familiar places such as the root of some of the Legumes of the genus Glycyrrhiza which is. There are S. all of the mallow family. spinosa. all with Hypaphorine or its methyl ester in the root or stem or leaf. and root of this plant. rhombifolia. Interestingly. occurring in the leaves and stems of the Legume Pultenaea altissima. giving rise to a potential synthetic precursor. discovered an enzyme in rabbit lung that could transfer a methyl group to a tryptamine from the amino acid donor. cordifolia.and the tri-. have also been isolated from plant sources as their methyl esters. and S. the source of the sweet flavoring. and must be respected in any isolation manipulations that are conducted with the plants. Abrine methyl ester is known to be in Sida cordifolia. With this system. What a . Sida. Hypaphorine methyl ester has been isolated from Abrus precatorius. It is also known from several species of the unrelated Malvaceae genus. and several species of Erythrina (of the red bean 283 story) which are best known for a completely unrelated group of almost indole alkaloids known as the erythroidines. I am aware of a single report of its methyl ester. Crump-leaved Poison. serotonin gave N-methylserotonin. tryptamine gave N-methyltryptamine. where "unnatural" use of specific enzymes have been employed in the in vitro synthesis of alkaloids that are not natural to the periwinkle. S-adenosyl-methionine. Prickle Poison. Another possible rich source is the poison pea from Australia. S. This quaternary derivative of tryptophan is especially toxic as a convulsive poison. S. is quite rare in the plant world.N-dimethyltryptophan. the homologue that would be the direct decarboxylation precursor. there is Poison Shrub. There is a group of Legumes of the genus Gastrolobium that are known locally as the poison this and poison that. acuta. the mono. There have been some promising reports of the synthesis of DMT from suspension cultures of selected cell lines of the periwinkle plant Catharanthus roseus. Almost forty years ago a researcher in the National institute of Mental Health. Burr Poison. on the one hand. N-methylserotonin gave bufotenine.DMT is Everywhere Jequirity seeds (Abrus precatorius). and N-methyltryptamine gave DMT. Champion Bay Poison. There is a report specifically on G. and yet has been shown to contain sizable amounts of hypaphorine. The parading of these methylated tryptophans is for the reinforcement of the argument that they might serve as biosynthetic precursors to the methylated tryptamines. indoleacrylic acid. And also in the leaf.

That's the science — I'll leave the details to the engineers. Get two enzyme preparations. and another releasing DMT out the bottom. But nothing is cast in immutable stone. and whether it was won or lost will be left unannounced. Today it does not exist. As Samuel Johnson once said. Perhaps tomorrow it will be declared over. between us and nature. It fell. being continuously made more inflexible." . Each of them presents factual information that can be of value in the understanding of the relationship between us and the chemical. with a spigot adding tryptamine at the top.284 TIHKAL — The Continuation fabulous black-box that would make. Two catalysts in a chamber heated to 37 °C. The Berlin Wall could never fall. legal and social. one that can methylate S-adenosyl-homocysteine to S-adenosyl-methionine and another that can regenerate S-adenosyl-homocysteine by transferring the methyl group to an available amine. The Evil Empire of the Soviet Union was an overwhelming enemy. Our efforts must be gentle but continuing. We tend to be discouraged when we see the barriers. And the War on Drugs must be pursued with increasing vigor until it is won. "Few things are impossible to diligence and skill. This has been a multidisciplinary romp along many different paths of science.

can have the name unless it has Mestre Gabriel's blessings. owned by the UDV (União do Vegetal) church of Brazil. I don't completely buy that. mixes yopo snuff with passion flower into an experimental drink. even made from the same plants by the same recipe. but not completely accurately.Hoasca vs. This may account for the use of the alternately spelled suffix of ayahuasca. perhaps. somewhere. and the original Spanish name for it was ayahuasca. AYAHUASCA (Shura's voice) Let me start by explaining the title of this chapter. And I have recently seen this word creatively extended to terms such as acaciahuasca and mimosahuasca (made with leaves from the Acacia or the Mimosa tree). and use the term ayahuasca for things outside of the Amazon. "huasca. and also with the need to canonize these materials with capital letters." being used in synthetic terms such as pharmahuasca and gaiahuasca (non-hoasca combinations of plants). This is further complicated by the detail I have been told that the actual name "hoasca" is proprietary. pharmahausca (combinations involving prescription drugs) and endohuasca (combinations of things already in the brain naturally). Quite simply. HOASCA VS. passafloraincarnatahuasca. it will be called anadenantherahuasca or. It came out somewhere between ee-WAS-ka and eye-WAS-ka. "Hoasca versus Ayahuasca. but then he was . No sacrament. I intend to use the term hoasca to represent the original beverage even without a papal OK. Enough. and is administered by some UDV Mestre in good standing. It just may be that hoasca is the Portuguese way of referring to the drink. as I have heard both terms used widely by people expert in both languages. I will assume that if someone." The distinction between these two names deals in part with past history and in part with current usage. Ayahuasca 285 CHAPTER 16. At a very recent meeting I heard a spokesman for one of the hoasca cultures pronounce this word not with two syllables (WAS-ka) or with four syllables (EYE-ah-WAS-ka) but with about two and a half syllables. the choice of the name to be used reflects where you are living.

curandero and ayahuasquero a part of our current vocabulary. and there was no way I could tell from the vowels of his particular Upper Manhattan accent just how he had perceived the Brazilian original. vision quests. and it is occurring today in many countries around the world. by Luis Eduardo Luna and Pablo Amaringo. dapa. but some of these can be used to refer to not just the drink but to the components of the drink. The terms "daime" and "vegetal" are the informal names used within the two churches discussed below. over the last few years. by Jonathan Ott and Ayahuasca Visions. Ayahuasca Analogues. natema. The origins of ayahuasca are very old. The quantity of lay research in this area is staggering. mihi. that has been tried and found valid. it is referred to as ayahuasca. have appeared. but by many other names as well. and the concept of mixing two drugs together has become more widespread and corrupted. from a growing tendency of the "New Age" section of our society. of course. There are names such as caapi. Many studies have been reported on its use in shamanism. and personal development have made words such as shamanism. And is happily called ayahuasca. yajé. In its native use in the Amazon. I doubt that there has been a book written on the subjects of ethnobotany or shamanism in the last twenty years that does not have. Books on alternate living styles. has been in the loosening of the identity of the composition of the drink.286 TIHKAL — The Continuation from New York. the term ayahuasca is the only one encountered. lagé. to look to the native cultures of the tropic forests or barren deserts as the last source of nature's wisdom. and one which is the substance of this chapter. An added popularity of the term ayahuasca has arisen. Hoasca remains the most widely recognized name used within the modern-day Brazilian cultural setting. if not a chapter. it has a tradition of use which predates written records. Recently. taking on an almost mystical connotation. It is part of both the ancient religions and the healing customs of the native people who live throughout the Amazon area. and pinde. I can only guess as to the much larger number of unknown trials of home-designed ayahuasca that have been made and have failed. and especially in healing . including the United States. Equator and Peru. those with the visionary-herbal-medicine-Gaia-natural-health-oriented philosophy. But as the popularity has moved abroad. in both religious and indigenous native cultures. at least extensive discussion involving ayahuasca or the ayahuasqueros. such as. and it implies a rigidly prescribed composition. several specialized books. from Brazil to the upper areas of Colombia. Another direction that the separation of the words hoasca and ayahuasca has taken. Over the last several years this term has spread widely. Every month or so I learn of another combination of plants or chemicals or both.

to whom it means "vine of the souls" or "vine of the dead." Other names that have been used for ayahuasca. is that it is necessary to distinguish the healing processes that are described in the shamanistic world from the religious use described below. Hoasca is quite simply the decoction that remains after the aqueous extracts have been decanted from the insoluble residues. and the name is used to refer to the plant as well as its extracts. ayahuasca is used widely in the Amazon area. the native Indians are filthy. Its social and medical use depends more on its purgative properties than on visionary activity. Ayahuasca rituals. many of the people who have defined the culture there are today being disenfranchised as second-class citizens because they lack both Western language and political representation. it is the shaman who takes the ayahuasca for both diagnosis and treatment of the patient. It is the admixture of two explicitly named plants. In the Peruvian Amazon. These compounds are described individually in the recipe portion of this book.Hoasca vs. As a brew. Hoasca. Sadly. It has been called "la purga" and "la limpia." In most cases. a subset of the broad ayahuasca world. stupid and lazy." There are other names found in other regions. or the addition of other plants. The best known practitioners of the making and using of hoasca are the members of several religious groups that are centered in Brazil. and a 287 . and are certainly holding up progress. the term can be used to represent a drink made just from the plant Banisteriopsis caapi alone. No. The principal individual alkaloids that have been identified as present in the plant are harmine. Two of the best known call themselves the UDV and the Santo Daime. generically called "misha. in Peru. In the original cultural format. An important point that should be made. such as camaramti or chahua may reflect the ugly brown color of the final extract. Colombia and Brazil. itself. and the identities of any added plants are not documentable. There is little if any participation of this Indian population in the present-day religious ceremony. the origin of the word "ayahuasca" was from the Quichua Indians. even today. ayahuasca. Some of this is still seen in the present religious use (group healing) but in recent years the patient has himself more frequently participated in the healing by taking the brew. In the opinion of most South Americans. harmaline and tetrahydroharmine. and boiled down to a brown sludge. is the term that is associated with religious use. yajé in Colombia has provided the name yageine for the alkaloidal extract (which has also been called telepathine. There can be ambiguity with the use of the actual word. Ecuador. This tea is produced by boiling together the bark of the plant Banisteriopsis caapi and the leaves of the plant Psychotria viridis. reflecting its presumed telepathic properties). it is worse than that. There is no DMT present in yajé. In fact. the field reports are social or anthropological.

which is called the "União" (or Union). came into being. healing is also held as the unifying goal of the church. There are some eight or nine separate sects. the UDV.288 TIHKAL — The Continuation revealing view of hoasca can be had by looking through the eyes of these two groups. and are a bit more casual in their social interactions. whereas the UDV has just one. The members of the UDV congregation are relatively upper middle class. a new church. such as the use of tobacco and alcohol. But the hoasca. native Indian and Afro-American backgrounds. with good incomes and good homes. The church has some 6000 members composed of an ever-growing number (currently 55) of separate churches or chapels called nucleos (the plural actually used for nucleus. politicians. These also use some form of the hoasca sacrament. The symbol of this resynthesis is the sacred drink hoasca. bankers. which are maintained largely by agricultural activities. the daime. The UDV was formed in the 1960's by a rubber trapper named Gabriel who observed ayahuasca and appreciated its magical properties. having been founded in the 1930's. or by small or medium scale businesses. known popularly as the UDV. in this society. also by a group of caboclos. and there are a number of yet smaller groups such as the Barquinia and the Comunidata 2000. He inspired several associations of people from European. Illnesses are . also called nucleos. The Santo Daime church is a little older. The two major churches which I want to describe have their own philosophy. The congregation includes physicians. but I will not discuss them here. Its full official name is the "Doctrine of Santo Daime" and its members are called Daimistas. lawyers. and their own vocabulary. A smaller organization is the Santo Daime (pronounced DYE-meh). The larger of the two churches is the União do Vegetal. This has maintained an absolute confidence in the sacredness of the plants of the jungle. The members tend more to the bluecollar class of society. They pride themselves on having taken complete control over what they see as personality weaknesses. still plays a dominant role. Each sect of the Santo Daime is composed of a number of communities. The Portuguese pronunciation of the abbreviation is OOH-day-VAY. As with the UDV. in place of alcohol. with guests more often brought to services and with a somewhat more lenient attitude towards tobacco and socializing. and these were collectively known as caboclos. The leaders of each unit are called "Padrinhos" (or little Fathers) who are regarded as being more spiritually developed. their own structure. rather than nuclei). and other similar professional people. and the leader of each congregation is known as a Mestre (Master). By spinning together some fragments of early mythology with some aspects of not only the Catholic belief system but the jungle gods and spirits as well.

I have asked several people as to the origin of the term Santo Daime. The vine is beaten to a mixture of powder and pulp. In the Santo Daime. viridis is the second plant of hoasca. It contains several (b-carbolines that are monoamine oxidase inhibitors (MAOI-A) which effectively allow the DMT of the second hoasca component to express its action orally. There is a smooth form of the vine called "tukunaca" which is predominately found in the cooler areas of Southern Brazil. by many in the United States. it is called Jagube. The hoasca made from the caupurí provides a more severe spectrum of toxic symptoms than the tukunaca variation. It goes without saying that there will be very little publicity on the hoasca aspect of these events until there is a general acceptance of these activities as bona fide religions. the positive social position and the health stance of both churches. caapi which possibly have not been described as separate individuals in the botanical literature. suggesting a stronger. This theory is presently being tested. There are two specific plants used in combination for the making of 289 hoasca. or maybe even health. When one vine is transplanted to the natural habitat of the other. B. it is called caupurí and is found in Amazonia. and the allusion is to the medical healing purposes." It has the popular name of Mariri." . for the social acceptance of a similar philosophy in this country." Although there is a history of a rather conservative administrative view of drugs and drug use in Brazil. There have been quiet moves made to form branches of these churches here. It is a shrub. I have heard that it is really the name of a Saint. This de facto approval of the use of a drug in a religious context has been seen as a valuable precedent. or even different alkaloid composition. and have received several different answers. Another variant has large nodes where the branching occurs. The side-effects such as vomiting and diarrhea. these are Banisteriopsis caapi (originally. since they are often recognized as coming from the mind and thus must be healed through the mind. and stands for Give-me-health. caapi is a vine that is known within the UDV as the male component of hoasca and has been called "The Force. called po and befecao. P. Or that Santo is a form of the word for sacred. Ayahuasca much more than bodily events. or perhaps. suggesting true genetic distinction. Or that it comes from the verb to give. nystagmus and muscular tremors can be extreme. have won them the governmental approval of hoasca as being a legally accepted religious sacrament.Hoasca vs. the defining characteristics are maintained. I have recently learned that there are two distinct variants of B. and thus it really means Saint Giveunto-me. Banisteria caapi) and Psychotria viridis. Saint Gimme. especially in light of their remarkable success in reducing or stopping the use of alcohol. It has been called "The Light. and its leaves are considered the female half of the team. The Daimistas call hoasca "Daime.

and noted. The liquid phase is separated. within the UDV. In the Santo Daime. It is here that the purgative effects of the hoasca are experienced. is informally referred to as cha (tea) or vegetal. if the final hoasca is kept unrefrigerated for any time. viridis in big pots which are usually aluminum. Such an analysis is a needed check on any possible changes to the alkaloid content that might occur in response to the extraction and concentration steps which are time-consuming and which are conducted at a rolling boil in the open air. called a session. It is the contributor of the N. and the clear water extracts are boiled down to the dark. The quality of a batch of tea is usually discussed in terms of its force and/or light. the plant is called the queen (La Rainha) and its leaves are handled exclusively by women. In one instance when a microscopic examination was made. These sessions take place about every two weeks. and concentration. A number of analyses of daime from different Santo Daime sources have consistently shown the two carboline alkaloids harmine and tetrahydroharmine in major amounts. separation. caapi vine are beaten thoroughly to break loose the bark. The stems and branches of the B. The presiding church leader. Although many analyses have been conducted on the two component plants of hoasca. and all is boiled until the extracts are dark and the pulp is spent. which is the factor that is believed to provide its psychedelic effects. These are extraction. The early part of the experience. the hoasca. with eyes closed and in the presence of music. but the fundamental steps are simple and straightforward. there takes place the "spiritual cleaning" that is the expression of the "force" . the Mestre.290 TIHKAL — The Continuation and has a common name of Chacrona. provides each participant with a single dosage of hoasca which is consumed at one time. vomiting and diarrhea are common. The details of the hoasca preparation procedure (a ritual known as "Preparo" in the UDV and "Feitio" in the Santo Daime) varies from group to group.Ndimethyltryptamine (DMT) component of the hoasca. the tea is consumed only within the ritual context. accompanied by lesser amounts of DMT. conducted while seated. is when there might be visions experienced. Also." The drink itself. With the UDV. the composition of the drug itself is relatively unknown. and the pulped mass is combined with the leaves of the P. The participant is attended to by a church member. fermentation from unexpected inoculations do indeed occur. but apparently there is no detectable change in the alkaloid content. Water is added. considerable quantities of both yeast and fungal cells were present. The UDV refers to the effects produced by the completed hoasca as "burracheira" or the "Strange Force. Much smaller amounts of harmaline have been seen. foul-tasting residue that is called hoasca. After this. or Chacruna.

There is the collective singing of hymns throughout the services along with the constant movement of a synchronized and repetitive dance called the "bailado.Hoasca vs. there is a continuing exchange of ideas. the daime is consumed at periodic intervals. and I must suffer them until the true voice is heard." Overseers prod the dancers when they begin to feel weary and want to rest. My first sessions were very powerful and." The services of the Santo Daime employ the same tea. The Mestre then brings the session to a close with a song. with the singing of songs and much laughter. networking and loving brotherhood. The hinário takes place around a central table in the shape of a six-pointed star. as with the hinário. for me. After this. It is during this period that there is on-going interaction of the participants with each other. uncrossed arms and legs) and maintain silence for periods of up to an hour. But as I continued I found that these intense experiences became decreasingly frequent. The participants are seated in fixed positions (head up. synthesized together many aspects of all my preceding work. Most were mild. research. The state of mind then becomes very 291 clear. which are called "Concentrations" and "Star Works. and with the Mestre. I will always be grateful and indebted to them for the many things I learned and experienced. The energy . and still am. Special rituals occur periodically. there is time given to socializing and the congregation disperses at about the fourth hour. with a heightened sense of awareness usually accompanied by a muscular tremor. it lasts perhaps two hours. back straight. This is the "light" component of the drink. The relationship of the miracão period to the overall service can be seen by the comments of one user: "When I encountered the UDV I was amazed. I began tracking the patterns of nausea and vomiting and began to question how this was related to a particular batch of tea. and is considered a distraction. detoxification. answers are given. This period is called the miracão. The ritual is called "hinário" and the daime is distributed at approximately two hour intervals. and I personally believe that the visuals distract me from hearing the message of the sacrament. The orthodox church members feel that this nausea is a form of purification. Ayahuasca component of the drink." A concentration occurs twice a month and. Questions are asked. called daime by them. These factors become less intense with frequent exposure to the hoasca. with their level of organization. penance or even punishment. but their structure is quite different.

tending to avoid publicity and outside interaction. Ritual is like a bottle that contains the liquid of knowledge. as the world may end tomorrow. Candles are everywhere. The person sits in concentration and drinks daime. the content. Every thing is in order. Christ did not need the ritual — Jesus was the ritual. Salvation is to be found at the moment. The liquid is not altered. The congregation is divided by sex. What purpose has ritual? It is in order to sit. It is only to give it form. This temple has a hexagonal shape and has a Star of David-shaped table in the center which holds incense sticks and revered objects such as paintings of Catholic saints and Christ. another with legs up.292 TIHKAL — The Continuation that is thus allowed to pass freely though the body is directed in a general way to any who might be ill. Daime is distributed. to separate masculine and feminine energies. and the importance of group structure within the Santo Daime. The ritual Star Works is dedicated specifically to an ill individual. The UDV is a considerably more private group. The daimistas' view is more immediate. Both bring into their structures much of the Christian ethic. and which is dedicated to curing rituals. so much so that in the Catholic Church. it doesn't change the liquid. The service often takes place in a "House of the Star" which is found only in the larger communities. and the congregation alternates between silence and the singing of hymns. and of earlier Daimista leaders. Today the ritual is Christ's force. Twelve chairs are put around this table for selected members. Ritual in each initiatory school is an element for grasping the material. I think that at the point at which we obtain spiritual evolution we are not going to need rituals anymore. either inside or outside of the community. The padrinho delivers a sermon called a preleicão which is interrupted regularly with the group's singing of additional hymns and the consumption of additional daime. ritual is nothing more than the element to grasp and command faith. A contrast between the emphasis placed on the importance of the hoasca within the UDV. and the rest of the participants sit on benches. is clear from a quotation from a Padrinho: "The ritual establishes everything. They see themselves as playing a role in the development of a strong social structure of increasing value to the individual. but from very different branches of ." The public self-images of the two churches are quite different from one another. for we will be the ritual. It is not with one person head-bowed. This is our ritual. He went there and showed the bread and wine.

" But both 293 groups share the absolute belief that the sacrament hoasca allows access to the voice of God. And the two materials may be administered in some timed sequence (which follow which. It is possible that there are no two experiments. Not only are other active plants being combined with one-another. Both the UDV and the Santo Daime have . The ever-widening awareness of the psychopharmacological activity of the South American hoasca drink has led to a rapidly growing popularity of the concept of combining drugs. The current day exploration is truly world-wide. There are a number of reports in the United States and in Europe of the employment of the exact plants that are the well established components of the South American hoasca. anywhere. and by how long?). "Onward Christian Soldiers" versus "Apocalypse Now. and when plant extracts are involved. Let me try to tell this expanded part of the story in a way that extends the picture outwards from the two specific plants of hoasca to the many. And. which I have here called ayahuasca.Hoasca vs. Each will have its own administration dosage. Each of the two components of this on-going social experiment can be chosen from a long list of possibilities. This is all leading to a bewilderingly complex picture as there are so many variables that can be encountered. and intrinsically totally reproducible). I will also elaborate on the replacement of plants (quite limited in numbers of species and intrinsically not reproducible) with chemicals (nearly unlimited in number. The chemical substitutes are more reasonably placed in the recipe portion of this book. in this broadening. that will be duplicates of one another. Thus. but even the co-administration of two totally synthetic drugs is becoming an exploring ritual. Even the underlying concept that one of the materials is a promoter of the other (something that inhibits the metabolic destruction of something else) is being lost in this complexity. the concentrations of the active ingredient or ingredients are probably unknown. there will be other plant-plus-plant combinations (only a few of these have been studied) and plant-chemical combinations. where either of the two original components is replaced by a chemical or a combination of chemicals. and extends well beyond the co-administration of these two specific South American plants. Ayahuasca it. many substitutions for each of these two components. And it must be remembered that most of these many research combinations are being referred to simply as ayahuasca. making any organization of the situation a two-dimensional presentation rather than just a single list of the usual suspects. and are not in this chapter. or active plants combined with synthetic drugs. I suspect that any attempt to organize this chaotic hodgepodge into a logical pattern and to come to a unifying conclusion is doomed. leading to both quantity and ratio as variables.

caapi component of hoasca is being taken over. This is the exploring of one's environment for new things that have some instructive or beneficial action on an individual. there is a consistent role played by each of the two components. The overall purpose and philosophy of each. to be taught by it or to be entertained by it. too. are largely intact. A potentiating. both the Christian sub-structure and the emphasis on healing and health. The term ayahuasca is also becoming widely used to describe a mixture where at least one of the two components is a pure chemical rather than a plant. hoasca. hoasca. there is an exciting renaissance in a discipline called ethnopharmacology. and both churches are becoming increasingly accepted as recognized religions. caapi and P. So. P. ayahuasca is adequate. caapi and the P. An ever-increasing number of botanical supply houses are making seeds. viridis are legal. as there is a steadily growing market to be filled. This is the combination that today answers to the term "ayahuasca. and are easily raised in the United States. or allowing factor. But quite beyond this church and sacrament picture. although there are a number of alternate (b-carboline sources such as the seeds of Tribulis terristris which have been used in man. Regardless of the name employed. And there is a second thing that is intrinsically active but is rapidly and effectively destroyed metabolically." Who are the players on these two pharmacological teams? The role of the B. I have earlier mentioned some new and unexpected compound words involving the suffix huasca. at least in the United States. past or present. is the role played by the definitional sacrament. There is a thing that is intrinsically inactive but which inhibits the body's destruction of a drug that would normally be unavailable to the person. This material may be brought into the country from church-related sources in Brazil. Both B. in alien parts of the world. harmala is a rich source of both harmaline and of harmine and is readily available from a number of . but it seems that for this essay. The exploration of pairs of plants other than the B. but it may also be produced here from domestically raised plants. almost exclusively by the plant Peganum harmala. cuttings or rooted starts available.294 TIHKAL — The Continuation formed churches outside of Brazil. But today the term is fully applicable to many people in our Western world who are searching nature in the hope of an increased understanding of it. where one contains the inhibitor and the other contains the stuff to be inhibited. I am using the term ayahuasca here with this very broad definition to maintain a distinction between new and novel mixtures and the more classical and rigidly defined drink. can be called botanical ayahuasca. and another that is potentiated or allowed. viridis. This term has been reserved historically for the studies of the drug-oriented aspects of more remote cultures.

mescaline. the choice of this plant as a substitute has a certain authenticity. even in 295 five pound packages. I have a number of friends who have or have had very strong opinions as to how this question should be answered. Recently. try another name for this product: "esfand. And. bark and leaves have been explored. contributor) of activity. believe me. which is also widely found in many natural sources. In the Rg Veda. then it would have a pharmacological action in its own right. harmala can directly contribute to the action of another drug by some process other than that of potentiation or synergism. Since this seed contains most of the same alkaloids that are in the B. There are many botanic sources of this ubiquitous alkaloid. There has been a question bounced about for many years in the area of the history of pharmacy. harmala all by itself? At this point. too. there are numerous references to an intoxicating plant-derived drink known as Soma. viridis in hoasca has called for much more imagination. Ayahuasca domestic sources. In principle. This brings up a vital question: If P. roots. and some of these have been mentioned in the Chapter "DMT is Everywhere. and the rest is history. adventurers and authors that I have ever known. It is almost as if the P. or by simply allowing this other drug to become orally active due to its presence. I have heard of trials with materials such as LSD. Another alkaloid that needs inhibition of its destruction is 5-MeO-DMT. Gordon Wasson. in alliance with his wife Valentina. any plant that contains DMT could be used. mushrooms. however. to the Mazatec world of Maria Sabina. His professional training was as a financier and banker but. and even dextromethorphan." A wide variety of grasses. harmala is being called upon to play a role of modifier or enhancer (or even to an extent. is not normally active orally." You may be surprised to find that they sell this incense in one pound packages. What is the action of P. The evolving palaver has been centered on the attempt to identify just what plant Soma really was. and to . datura. perhaps illogically in that all these are well established as being orally active. let me open a can of worms just enough to introduce you to the rather incredible color and magic of the territorial rights and egos of the academic world. caapi component of hoasca. He was one of the most extraordinary explorers. If the local Indian/Arab retail store does not recognize this binomial.Hoasca vs. to maintain the effect of the original hoasca. the earliest scripture of the Hindus. It. For this second part of ayahuasca. He followed a number of excellent clues which led him to the Mexican state of Oaxaca. there has been a move to explore many other well known drugs as this second component. he discovered the world of magic mushrooms. not all of these opinions are the same! Let me introduce you to R. rather than one of being a simple revealer of activity. The search for plants to play the role of P.

mountain rue or wild rue. almost forty years ago. equally satisfactorily. And it strongly encouraged him to seek out a mushroom motif in everything that his research touched upon. in Port Townsend. an equally persuasive argument is made that the Soma of yore might well be the seeds of Peganum harmala. where he presented a scholarly essay on the prevalence of the mushroom icon in the early history of central Mexico. and the author of a remarkable book. when the clues all led him to the conclusion that the Hindu plant was the fly agaric mushroom Amanita muscaria. Let me introduce you to David Stophlet Flattery. The consumption of the actual seeds themselves has a well established reputation for giving rise to an intoxication that . the "semen Harmalae sive rutae sylvestris" of the early European Pharmacopoeias. Washington. there was no question but that the stone image was a mushroom. Haoma and Harmaline. so it can meet the geographic demands of the ancient Soma fields. As to the identity of Soma. the stone figure might be a mold upon which the rubber balls were cast. Having been seduced into the mycophile world by his wife. not surprisingly. too. This. For Wasson. nor even acknowledged. harmel. he showed a hemispherical stone figure that looked for all the world like a mushroom's fruiting body. is a scientist and scholar. but older texts call it African Rue. Its properties match. you would get one rubber ball. I remember a meeting that we both attended. he said. just perhaps. The seeds also provide an oil popular in Egypt as "Zit-el-Harmel" which is sold as an aphrodisiac and narcotic. or the Haoma of early Middle Eastern Folklore. A question from the audience suggested that since this figure was almost exactly the diameter of the sporting balls used in the Aztec games contests. The question was not answered. I have quibbled as to whether he should be called a mycological scientist or a mycological scholar. It became for him an adventure rather than a profession. It was a shrub in the Asian Steppes and the Persian Plateau as well as in Afghanistan and Northern Tibet. he found the total body of the accumulated evidence completely supported this assignment.296 TIHKAL — The Continuation the explosive announcement in Life Magazine. If you took two rubber halfspheres and glued them together. but there is no question that he must be called a mycological amateur in the truest English sense of that word. It is now commonly called Syrian Rue. During a lecture. of the existence and impact of the psychopharmacological activity to be found in the Genus Psilocybe. he became a devotee of the discipline. Here. which are known by the common name of esfand. that perhaps. He. the generalized descriptions of the Soma plant in the original Rg Veda. It has been the classical source of a deeply colored dye known as Turkey Red which has been used in the coloring of fezes and carpets in both Turkey and Iran. is proof that the mushroom was a sacred entity in Mexican culture and religion.

It used to be that Peganum harmala and Ruta graveolens 297 were considered the wild. the sample I have in my garden was bought at a Mexican market on 24th street in San Francisco. The classic origins of the two generic names are parallel. It is considered a European plant that was involved in mediaeval medicine as a stimulant and an irritant. "peganon" was the Greek word for rue. The mixture was brown. a pleasant lassitude took me over. or the herb of grace. Ayahuasca might answer the tantalizing clues of the Rg Veda. and I drank it down. harmala seeds alone when they are not used in admixture with some other component? There is indeed something there but it takes a lot of seed. In fact. There are several reports of explorers taking many grams of straight seed. just what is the action of P. Today these plants are classified as being in completely separate botanic families (Zygophyllaceae and Rutaceae) and they are morphologically quite different. and boiled the extract down to half its volume. and bitter. and I sat so as to observe my environment. and the cultivated. graveolens is called the common rue. It certainly has a following due to its food use. The present day R. variations of the same plant. and which others claim reminds them of cat urine. But by definition. which highlights some of its properties: "I boiled one ounce (28 grams) of viable Peganum harmala seed for seven hours in a liter of water. so I retired to quiet. but I would hardly call it an intoxicant. because in the original Persian biology classifications the term "rue" has been used in quite a general way. Its leaf has a sharp smell which some people like. Even small body motions suggested nausea to me. There commenced a gentle upwelling of hypnogogic imagery that was quite different from anything I was familiar with. empty darkness. I noticed that the objects in my vision seemed to have multiple contours surrounding them. to warrant its historic position in so many cultures. So. In about forty-five minutes.Hoasca vs. usually ground up and then boiled in quite a lot of water (which sometimes contains something acidic) into a tea. Here is a description of a recent trial. and was claimed to have been used by witches and as a symbol of repentance. and in Latin "rue" was simply rue. then it should have some kind of noteworthy activity without any second component. It is commonly cultivated as a garden herb. Some caution should be taken with the old literature. There was a vision of seemingly abstract fractal patterns that quickly evolved into what reminded . removed the seeds. if the plant alone is a candidate for the Soma role.

But non-tryptamine. and another that is called a "B" inhibitor. C11H12N2O).298 TIHKAL — The Continuation me of foliage that started close to me and then grew to fill the whole visual field. given in the treatment of clinical depression. have been used as substitutes for the B. and particular cheeses when a person is being medicated with certain serotonin receptor drugs which act as enzyme inhibitors. red wine. and I noticed a big and broad peak that had the molecular weight equal to that of the simplest hydroxy tetrahydro-b-carboline (7-HO-THbC. they are present in pretty much equal quantities. Following vigorous vomiting. to verify the approximate ratio of harmine to harmaline. which is nature's own way of protecting us from poisons such as DMT. The pure chemicals themselves. In the one assay I have run. Tetrahydroharmine is pretty well known. There have been problems with foods such as pickled herring. There are many clinically employed anti-depressant drugs that show their activity through this monoamineoxidase inhibition mechanism. And . a busy supermarket. as compared to the largely harmine contribution of B. caapi component of ayahuasca." One must keep in mind that there is also harmaline as well as harmine present in sizable amounts in these seeds. and these could be very threatening to a person using ayahuasca. with the rue expressed as an approximate quantity of harmaline and/or harmine. I had intended to share a few ayahuasca reports involving Syrian Rue and any of several other amines. very different alkaloids in the seeds. This visual phase lasted for almost an hour. but the visionary phase of the experiment seemed to have come to a close. Then the picture is further confused with a claim for a non-specific oxidase inhibitor. harmaline or harmine. street corners. harmala seeds. Some of these prescription drugs. at which point the nausea returned very strongly. I was looking by GCMS at a pH 9 methylene chloride extract of a certain batch of P. The original spiral patterns of organization evolved into realistic images (in shades of blue and green) of buses speeding through city streets. I felt quite relaxed again. non b-carboline alkaloids? I was totally ignorant of these. Both are effective inhibitors of the amine oxidase enzyme system of the body. There are many styles of oxidation inhibition. It is a fact that there are foods that are toxic if you have inhibited your detoxification mechanisms. and I must admit that I don't know one from another. and of course might play some role in the action of the plant. caapi to native ayahuasca. This plan suddenly became terribly misleading when I learned that there are some other. There is an amine oxidase inhibitor system that is called an "A" inhibitor. are discussed in the appropriate recipe part of this book.

Why. earlier. Could this be the simplest possible tetrahydro-b-carboline. not plants or people. And there they were. Back to the hydroxy-TH3C story. but gives rise to yet more outlandish chimera such as methtryptoline as a literature synonym for tetrahydroharman. Wow. I had made a hexane extract (with some care as I used to be very sensitive to it) and we had put it into the chemical ionization mass spectrograph. we both noticed a similar cluster at the position of C-21. they are very reasonable for these well known quinazoline bases. just THbC itself? I did not remember these ever having been reported in P. and had the named desoxypeganine. I would need a trip to the library to see if they had been reported in any plant before. harmala before. and there was listed a compound which I had never heard of before. In fact. I have put the appropriate pictures in the discussion part of the recipe for harmaline. The C-21 area was totally clean. And there had been assigned to the latter compound the totally unappealing name of tryptoline. Looking again at the cracking patterns of my "new" THbC's. There were four additional carbon atoms in each molecule. Ayahuasca there was a smaller. Well. also called peganine. Isobutane. he said. Has no one seen this before? Had no one run the mass that high. And there appears to be a vasicinone and a desoxyvasicinone present in these seeds as 299 . everyone knows that the C-15 family of phenolic alkanes and alkenes characterizes poison ivy.Hoasca vs. It is a quinazoline alkaloid. which just happens to contain four carbon atoms. Both 6-HO-THbC and THbC have been formed from serotonin and tryptamine (with formaldehyde) and have been reported to be found in rat brain. harmala by Späth in 1934. that had been isolated from P. There is an old saying in chemistry (and I am sure also in physics and any other exploratory technical discipline) which is an important caution: "Wait until tomorrow before you publish your discovery. sharp peak that lacked the hydroxy group. But all of this is in rats which are animals. all with their different degrees of unsaturation. At least that allows the serotonin numbering system to be used. pinning down all alternate explanations. and the C-17 family is the hallmark of poison oak. And there is a ketone peganine which has a structure closely resembling methaqualone." I remember the time a couple of decades ago that David Ladder and I were up to our ears (figuratively) in poison oak. I looked under this empirical formula in the Merck Index. called vasicine. and he re-ran our sample with ammonia instead. and these new things had simply escaped observation? The discovery of the century! But the next day. at the C-17 location. he asked? We told him. And the alkaloid without the hydroxy group was also known. we asked the operator of the CIMS what carrier gas he had been using. often in association with the pineal gland. Then. There was the expected neat cluster of nice peaks.

such as Adhatoda vasica which is the origin of the name vasicine. Vasicine is perhaps a tenth as effective as desoxypeganine as an anticholinergic. which has a distinct pharmacological profile of its own. And religion and religious sacraments are what this chapter is all about. And it has come to light that a forage legume. harmala itself. The amounts of all the alkaloids in P. Anticholinergics are members of a pharmacological classification which includes the best of our insecticides and nerve gases. These alkaloids are also found in other plants. My God. I de- . the nerve system keeps firing and produces what is called parasympathetic toxicity. and the flow of saliva and tears. There can be cardiac depression. is a well established source of vasicine and by an intriguing twist of fate. There is even serotonin itself present. I dove into the literature to learn what I could about the pharmacology of these. vasodilatation. coughs and bronchitis. It is obvious that this kind of botanical and chemical-free association will quickly lead into fascinating areas that have absolutely nothing to do with South American religious sacraments. and this could subtly lead to his experiencing them as "unexpected" complications. Galega orientalis. harmala other than the b-carbolines. keeping amines such as DMT from being destroyed (the underlying basis of action of ayahuasca) it turns out that desoxypeganine is a potent inhibitor of an entirely different enzyme. it also has a common name of a rue. If the transmitter cannot be destroyed after it has functioned. But it was exciting to realize that this compound was there in pretty good quantities. and especially harmaline. It was a personal disappointment to realize that I had not discovered a new alkaloid in Syrian Rue. but it appears to be a good bronchodilator in man. they do everything! Whereas harmine. since I was thirsty for another drink from the Pierian spring. new alkaloids. To be too thorough or specific about the possible side-effects of minor components in a plant material is to establish a place for them in the subconscious mind of the user. and could very well contribute to an unpredictable extent to the pharmacology either of P. Goat's Rue! The urge to pursue every factoid until it leads to another factoid is difficult to resist. those that are directly responsible for its virtue as a substitute for the B. So.300 TIHKAL — The Continuation well. as well as a uterotonic and abortifacient in test animals. Nonetheless. vasicina have an ancient native reputation for effective use in the relief of colds. to me. one that is called acetylcholinesterase. caapi component of ayahuasca. or of its combination with other plants or chemicals. This is the body's detoxification operator for getting the neurotransmitter acetylcholine out of the synapse when it is no longer needed to conduct a signal from one nerve to another. appear to be pharmacologically trivial. as well as a positional isomer of 6-hydroxytryptamine. The leaves and flowers of the closely related A. are inhibitors of the monoamine oxidase enzyme. So enough already.

Hoasca vs. and following his trial he would place a green. Each display cell contained a plot of the doses of the appropriate combinations that one member of his research group had chosen to explore. This is certainly a sloppy ruler for measuring things. what is the action of P. to a one-shot saki tumbler full of seeds. So. harmalan. the 6-methoxy and 7-methoxy substituted derivatives of harman. And this higher potency means that much less of the seed extract is really needed than when one makes use of the B. So. to something over a hundred milligrams. But here. or maybe active. caapi. but it works. or three grams. there is a new and treacherous variable. There is simply too much variation in the alkaloidal composition to allow such a calculation to be of value. His plan was to allow each member of his experiment research group to choose a cell (defining . harmala seeds represent? The alkaloid content has been reported to cover quite a wide range (from as low as two and as high as six percent). harmala seed extracts when used not alone. or something over a thousand seeds if you have tweezers and patience rather than a kitchen. but in concert with some other amine factor. to something over a half gram for each of these 30] measuring units. The alkaloidal content will be in the ballpark range of a tenth of a milligram. A small tally of the activity of the extracts of the seeds alone is included in the harmaline recipe in the second half of the book. Germany. harmala seeds when they are in admixture with some other component? I had met an enthusiastic researcher when I was recently at a conference in Göttingen. Ayahuasca cided not to use estimates of these two alkaloids as a measure of this component. to a half ounce (almost fifteen grams).N-dimethyltryptamine). noting the exact quantities taken. Also there. yellow or red star there. suddenly. can be quite dramatic at a much lower dosage. There is a difference between weights and volumes. harmala seeds for an ayahuasca experiment would be a level teaspoonful. or really active. From one individual seed. so a gram of seed has potentially twenty to sixty milligrams of the desired alkaloids. to a level teaspoonful of seeds. He said that he had developed a grid containing a number of component cells. The action of P. and tetrahydroharman) and vertically with the two basic parenterally active tryptamines (DMT and 5-methoxy-N. one will have a dry gross weight of from two and a half milligrams to three milligrams. but to stick with the actual weight of the seeds that had been used. How much of these several b-carbolines does a given weight of P. and whether the effects he had experienced could be classified as inactive. who had devised a most remarkable structure for studying these aspects of ayahuasca. labeled horizontally with the names of potential inhibitors (six of them. a typical individual dosage of P. to maybe three grams. please find an algorithm for converting teaspoonfuls to grams. grams are weights and the kitchen containers are volumes.

302 TIHKAL — The Continuation the drugs to be used in combination that day) and a dosage level that appealed to his curiosity for the day. The toxicity presented in two phases: "In a half hour there was a mild hallucinosis noted which in another half hour deepened considerably. The majority of all ayahuasca trials that I am aware of have been between the seeds of P. seventy five milligrams of N. but I have had two reports of truly toxic crises with larger quantities. I have heard very mixed reports from trials employing P. There was a very rapidly build- ing sympathomimetic situation and for the next three hours I was subjected to intense stimulation with rapid . or 5-MeO-DMT. harmala and the second of the biotic tryptamines. One hour appears to be a satisfactory period allowing release and absorption of the b-carboline alkaloids. I have no idea if the whole story was fact or fantasy. harmala seeds. harmala seeds and the DMT can be quite variable. sometimes not. and the results would certainly have been a treasure of information. A prototype experiment might go as follows: (1) The experimental subject consumes three grams of P. but completely acceptable experience. with the appropriate color. Sometimes they have been ground. also contained in capsules. he would place his personally initialed star. After the experiment was done. (2) About an hour following the consumption of the P. but I never saw any of them. modest amounts of both components gives a modest experience. both taken orally. harmala seed (water extract) followed in thirty five minutes with ten milligrams of 5-MeO-DMT.N-dimethyltryptamine (DMT) are taken. There was an uncharacteristic body rush but in another two hours all effects were waning to my relief. harmala seeds that had been lightly ground (to break the husks) and placed in gelatin capsules. In the absence of green. There is one report of a dosage of about five grams of P. An alternate and more cumbersome preparation is the boiling of the seeds in a water suspension. which might be lightly acidified with lime or lemon juice. It was a fine idea. The time interval between the P. within the appropriate cell. The use of one hundred milligrams of DMT rather than seventy five leads to a somewhat stronger.N-dimethyltryptamine. This relief was short lived as some thirty minutes later there was a very abrupt onset of problems. some in the literature (largely taken from Ott's Ayahuasca Analogues) or from personal communications to me from a lot of people out there. Apparently. harmala and purified DMT. There are several dozen such trials that I know about. I will paint a word-picture of these results. yellow and red stickers. and sometimes there is a gap of ten or twenty minutes between them. 5-methoxy-N. In many regimens all the capsules are taken at the same time.

This is probably one of the most "pure" of the ayahuasca analogue studies in that it is truly a mixture of plants as in the prototypic vegetal. Yet another report with unstated quantities of both drugs indicated a cardiovas- cular incident similar to the quoted one above. be followed by a hallucinosis similar to but more intense than when massive amounts of P. harmala seed had been consumed as a single entity. then the intensity of the experience depends totally on the amount of the DMTcontaining plant that is consumed. the seed-producing cycle or. harmala as the deaminase inhibitor and plants or plant extracts as the DMT source. harmala or the carbolines themselves. If a lot of DMT goes in. It must always be remembered that the alkaloid content of a plant that has been reported to be such-and-such in the scientific literature. harmala. In a study with a tea made from actual P. viridis leaves. there was a disappointing absence of any effects. Ayahuasca pounding heart-beat and a strange hallucinosis. for that matter. A small scattering of reports exist in the evaluation of ayahuasca mixtures using P. there was a duplication of the characteristic hoasca magic.. harmala seems to be quite enough). can be something entirely different if the botanical material is gathered at different times of the day. the growing cycle. root bark extracts of Desmanthus illinoensis gave modest activity. Similarly. based solely on the dosages used in parenteral studies. led to vomiting. the experience can be . employing P. harmala and to 5-MeO-DMT. and there is an adequate amount of the inhibitor on board. and amnesia followed by extensive sleeplessness.Hoasca vs. in the ayahuasca trial. Strangely there was no body strain the next day despite my conviction at the time that I'd have a heart attack or massive cerebral aneurysm. followed for a minute or two where I would feel basically 'normal' which would. P. tempo- rary blindness. but when consumed along with grass extracts of the Phalaris spp. Other ayahuasca studies. with almost exactly the same exposure to P. if it grows on the North or the South side of the hill. In most cases the inhibitor is the staunch standby. but the other component is any of several reasonably popular Psychotria viridis substitutes. with xenobiotic tryptamines (other than the natural DMT and 5-MeO-DMT) are tucked away in the recipe part of this volume. I have been led to believe that if the amount of the inhibitor is adequate (three grams of P." A second report I have recently read about. These effects came in waves: ten minutes of extreme adrenergic 303 stress without appreciable psychic component. but it has been little studied. in turn. The three of these together support a strong word of caution that perhaps 5-MeO-DMT cannot be interchanged casually with DMT in these calculations.

Fifteen minutes later things got really. behind the curtains were breathing.304 TIHKAL — The Continuation extraordinary and quite frightening.. Let me quote at some length from a plant/plant combination experience that I heard about a while ago. harmala followed with an unknown (but obviously large) quantity of extract from the leaves of the tree. This is where I kept a spare mattress and all of my musical gear. no texture. describing a dull cramp in my stomach to my friends. I drank a cup full of the brew. I forced myself to throw up in a clear Tupperware container thing. and I didn't want to throw up later because I didn't know what to expect: my expectations were exceeded even at this early stage through the trip (it had been only five minutes since the onset of effects). also rather quickly. almost brighter. "Three of us were sitting in the front room of my house. I glanced over at the curtains which are a see-through material with a floral pattern. They started moving. They looked different.m. which beautifully portrays the agony and the ecstasy of ayahuasca. I was told to get comfortable so I brought in a bean bag from the living room.. "At 2:15 a. Just a single color for every single object. I was on the bean bag. Ten minutes later. no scratches. "I felt vaguely nauseous. no shadows. and I flushed it down with water. "The flowers on the curtain were shimmering. with both the "force" and the "light" guiding him in his quest. and I lay on that. There was no shading. and had lost the ability to distinguish between visuals . I felt that this was about as much as I could handle at that moment.. I was beginning to hallucinate strongly. just like the smoke from a spilt bottle of liquid nitrogen flows down stairs. the curtains started breathing. The flowers on the curtain seemed as though they were at a different distance from the material itself. Acacia phlebophylla. But no . This follows the consumption of about three grams of P. The Venetian blinds. and if the trip stopped there I would have heaps to talk about. on Saturday morning I ingested (rather quickly) a heaped teaspoonful of ground harmala seeds. and then they flowed down onto the floor. really weird. and it was the furthest room from where my girlfriend was trying to sleep. Then the eyes-closed visuals started. Look at the world and at reality through the eyes of a young adventurer during the course of about two hours at home.

vivid yellows. There were no 'boring colors. and what they all were seeing. Yes. floating through space I could never fully describe. and there was also a strange door that someone opened for me. deep dark blues. but I didn't think it was a case of bad timing and I didn't attempt to abort the toilet visit.Hoasca vs. Someone must have gotten to the bathroom before me because the light was on. I was only vaguely aware that I had to do something here.' colors seemed to be like some weird arcade game. I felt some bowel movement. Then the universe changed . but I went in there anyway. . I was walking down some hallway thingy but I didn't know where any of the doors led to. "My 'field of vision' had significantly changed too. although I can never remember specifically doing so. saw incredibly complex and insane roads and highways. striking pinks. there was a basin. 'just in case. "I left my body sitting on the toilet and was thrown into a universe where nothing seemed to make any sense. especially.' "Things went up a level. but I thought it'd probably be best 305 if I went to the toilet. freeforming. gray munchkin-like things with yellow stripes. Beings were present. red. And. purple. eyes. I remember thinking that nothing made sense. and a bathtub. Peeking out of every bend in the road. traveled in space vehicles. and there were snake objects too.. The hallucinations were pretty heavy before I sat down. I was now experiencing full on hallucinations. and sit down. I went through huge sliding doors.. I didn't know what I was doing at the time. Ayahuasca experienced with the eyes closed and those with the eyes open. off every snake. gray. I had no sense of time at all. and asked if I had defecated. so I must've analyzed these images at one point. somehow I managed to unzip myself and to drop my trousers. The colors for my eye-closed visuals remained the same throughout all the trip. The eyes-closed visuals were absolutely outstanding. "These visuals came on with such an incredible intensity it was simply neuronically impossible to process all of them. Apparently I was OK. They didn't frighten me. morphing from one complex scene to an- other. under every door. The bathroom certainly wasn't mine. All tones had terrific contrast. I was just curious to know what they all were doing. It was no longer my house I was in.

I eventually managed to grab a fistful. but I couldn't read. on Saturday. I finally got to the toilet paper. but there was no way I could ever come close to processing it. but it felt like smoke. Somehow my hand completed the task. on the right. just twenty minutes ago! "After a little while the visuals started to decrease in intensity.. and I tried communicating with my babysitter. But I remember telling the guys that I wanted my favorite chair. my body was trying to have a shit. washing my hands or anything like that. clawed at it. It was just too fast. too complex. no.m. I don't know if that eventually happened. I couldn't attach any meaning to the lettery things. and the Valhalla poster was on the left. "I didn't have anything to throw up. The point didn't have a body. and my body (rather. and it is now 3 a. white wall. Directly in front of me was a blank. "In the meantime. No. I hadn't eaten anything since 1 p. What a mess. and looking down at my hand I couldn't see anything. and while glancing down I noticed that my legs had disappeared. We mainly giggled a lot. I could accept input from this visual hemisphere. it just floated around in this virtual brain space.m. And the morning's experience started at 2:40 a. I don't remember standing up. but I thought I would give myself a wipe anyway. I managed to wipe somehow. zipping up. One of the hardest things was actually trying to . so I didn't have to worry about throwing up on my self. I had somehow ended up with a clean bucket in my lap. There they are. they're gone again. I grabbed it. Oh. but now my field of vision had become an entire hemisphere. We were both going to be OK. on Friday. and too intense. and I could see the words. There were these letter things all over it. I stared at this for a while but I cannot remember what I saw. I turned to where I thought the toilet paper was. I occasionally tried to keep my own checks on my body. its OK. Somehow I ended up seated in it. but I knew I had the paper. but couldn't find the end of the roll. and we seemed to spend more time actually working out if we could communicate than actually communicating.306 TIHKAL — The Continuation In the normal state I can usually only look at one thing at a time. my being) became a point in this crazy universe.m. How am I supposed to wipe when everything keeps disappearing.

Everything looked as if it were made of a flexible membrane (single color. the light of the hoasca. natema." This was an extremely long experience that lasted less than two hours. I wonder what it would be 307 like to see a tree under DMT? Being a fractal person. A final comment. I wrote the following short essay. AYAHUASCA Until recently. where I can try and interpret nature. and I couldn't feel anything. the term "Ayahuasca" was seldom seen or heard outside of reports that originated in the Amazon basin. But there was endless 'visual noise' that was continuously confusing. Taste was not there (I couldn't taste the vomit). not a single element of chaos. of course) and there were all these moving seashells underneath the surface. There was a vague sound somewhere that sounded familiar. smell likewise. Everything perfect and geometric. No fractals. which was published in a journal called CLIC. In the last decade or two. This plant decoction has found wide use throughout northern South America in healing. I was asked recently by a person in law enforcement to give him a definition of just what the term "ayahuasca" stood for. although like nothing ever constructed by humans before. "Nothing short of the most amazing and intense experience of my life to date. initiation. since it apparently had been encountered in connection with some drugrelated incident. and is reproduced here with permission. Seashell noise. Depending upon its area of origin. it has appeared more and more frequently in non-Indian settings. it has also been called caapi. and as a sensory intoxicant. nothing irregular. Audio was basically annoying — there was no correlation between the audio and the visuals. I'm doing the next trip during the day. But throughout the whole thing. "The visuals themselves were very. Ayahuasca figure out if I was breathing. very geometric. This abbreviated version of the complete report is a rich introduction to the complexities of DMT. that can become apparent with the expression of a material that is protected from the body's urges to destroy it quickly. or yaje.Hoasca vs. It has become a . prophesy.

orally. depending upon the personal choice of the curandero-shaman-healerpractitioner-physician who prepares it. are active and often employed. caapi or B. being used as a source of these carbolines. inebrians. or of combinations from both sources. or it can be an appropriate pharmaceutical agent. One is an enzyme inhibitor. The other is the amine that is protected from metabolic destruction. a shrub of Amazonian origin but now found throughout the world. all 7-methoxy-beta-carbolines. The amine being allowed oral availability by this deaminase activity can be from an even wider collection of sources. Acacia species from Australia (the Wattle tree) or China. ayahuasca is a mixture of two components. As a rule. In the Amazon.Ndimethyltryptamine (DMT) or 5-methoxy-N. and it is provoking broad curiosity in Europe and in the United States. The monoamineoxidase inhibitor can be from plant sources. one can find several species related to Peganum harmala. harmaline. The simplest tryptamines such as N. the snuff sources derived from Anadenanthera. neither component is particularly active alone. It can be composed entirely of plant materials. Its composition is extremely variable. In Europe and the Southern United States and Mexico. The positional isomers. a factor that will block the deamination of an amine. the roots of Mimosa hostilis or from grasses found in the midwest. the various Virola bark . have also been employed in this enzyme inhibitory role. There are many plants that have been used for this component. The extracts of the leaves of Psychotria. including species such as B. The chemicals that are usually found in the plant products are harmine. Invariably. plants of the Banisteriopsis Genus are common.Ndimethyltryptamine (5-MeO-DMT) are common. or Syrian Rue. or tetrahydroharmine.308 TIHKAL — The Continuation component of a religious movement in Brazil. 6-methoxyharman and its hydrogenation products. but in combination the deamination inhibitor allows the amine to show oral activity. or of synthetic compounds. Even prescribable antidepressant MAOI drugs such as tranylcypromine (Parnate) have been used in this role of activator.

If these are plants. the patient/recipient has no idea of the composition of the ayahuasca brew. And a bit more time to learn the remarkable world that can be revealed from within ourselves. all contain tryptamine alkaloids that become orally active when mixed with a MAOI companion. as he may be using extracts and concentrates of plants of unknown origins. and I would like to see research with it get started and flourish. some of the Psilocybe line. I know of mushroom extracts. . Thus. that have been used. Perhaps this broad and somewhat diffuse definition might provide a bit more time for these religious and spiritual seeds to germinate in the United States. some from Inocybe. Even the person who assembles and provides the active mixture might be unable to accurately acknowledge its components. their identities might be uncertain due to the use of native names. or even from the poison glands of the Bufo alvarius frogs of the Southwest. or possibly bufotenine) but these explicitly scheduled drugs may not be there at all. some from Amanita. nor is it reproducible as to pharmacological activity. Most exhibits will be complex mixtures that will be challenging to analyze. they have nonetheless been explored as the "second half" of the ayahuasca. An illicit drug may be present in a given sample (DMT. henbane. Here. Although many of these amines are quite active by themselves. so I emphasized the uncertainties and complexities that might be encountered in their laboratory work. It can be encountered as a viscous oil that can vary from amber in color to tarry black. or belladonna. just cited above. Most often. To me. There can be extracts of plants of the Solonaceae. This brief introduction to the area. or mandrake. Ayahuasca resins from the Amazon. It is neither consistent in composition. ayahuasca can be a capricious combination of either plant extracts or specific compounds. But the amine being protected from metabolic destruction can be from many other sources.Hoasca vs. the Datura group. or extracts of the Brugmansia that are the South American relatives of the Datura. psilocybin. there is something of great potential value in these particular tools. the active agents are atropine and scopolamine. was written for an audience that would be largely forensic chemists.

The botanical binomial for this plant was Ipomoea violacea or I.310 TIHKAL — The Continuation CHAPTER 17. MGS. began ." After the war. in 1963. and this of course included the daily offering of the columnist. LS/MGS. I do not read either the monographs from the Botanical Museum of Harvard University. the scientific papers were there in the older literature — in fact. but there appeared the slogan. Herb Caen. the Ferry Morse Seed Company. It went. describing the use of the seeds of a morning glory by Mexican Indian groups following a tradition that dated back to Aztec time. tricolor. "Lucky Strike green has gone to war. But morning glory seeds were an item that took me completely by surprise. 1963. LS/MFT. or the Boletin del Centro de Investigaciones Anthropológicas de Mexico with any regularity. that I was captivated by a column devoted to a pile of rumors that involved the latest drug in the San Francisco scene. sacks of seeds from whomever sold them. But part of my daily reading ritual does include the San Francisco Chronicle. This was the plant Rivea corymbosa or Turbina corymbosa. the real swingers (so the column said) were abandoning peyote and LSD. and the seeds were called ololiuqui. And the caption that caught my eye in the Herb Caen column was. Apparently. A couple of decades later. Oh. During World War II there was a vigorous cigarette advertising promotion for Lucky Strikes that exploited the change of package color from green to white. or Lucky Strikes Means Fine Tobacco. in favor of chewing a hundred morning glory seeds. another report appeared in a Mexican anthropological journal. In the middle of May. People were ordering 25 lb. It was over my morning coffee. one of the earliest was a short report published in 1941 by Richard Schultes. This was another morning glory which had seeds called "tlitliltzen" by the Aztecs. MGS (Shura's voice) I pride myself on being pretty much up to speed concerning the plant sources for psychedelic drugs. a vice president of a major supplier. of a similar plant with a similar action. this dropped away.

The three most sought-after varieties had the unbelievable names. The most remarkable chemist Albert Hofmann. Were these reports all valid? Yes. as a kid. Heavenly Blue. and severe reactions with dosages of 250 seeds that required hospitalization. A spokesman from the FDA said that he didn't think there was anything to it but he remembered that. psychologists and maladapted persons of Bohemian habits ('beatniks') were ingesting seeds of cultivated morning glories sold in garden supply shops." They spoke of suicide attempts.MGS to get suspicious. and there was a wealth of publications in the 60's. the ergot expert who was the first to synthesize LSD and to eventually discover its activity. and Flying Saucers. but at the same time they had to distance themselves from the reality that these plants were pharmacological turn-ons. The medical director of the Menlo Park International Foundation for Advanced Study reported the experiences of test subjects. But others found the same results and this remarkable parallel between the lowly fungus and the pretty sophisticated plants (from the botanical point of view) proved to be correct. "We want to be sure.S. with 50 to 500 seeds each. It was suggested that since there certainly were all sorts of fungal ergots adrift in Hofmann's lab. he had been told never to chew on morning glory seeds. There has been an ever increas- 311 . of the U. that they contained alkaloids that were previously known only amongst the ergot fungi. One of my most cherished quotes comes from a paper published in 1966. They were probably quite correct. to his amazement. undertook the challenge of exploring the seeds of the morning glories and he discovered. their sales had leapt to 50 times normal. and there was the suggestion that this could prompt Congressional action: an anti-morning glory seed bill. "Law enforcement officers and garden seed companies in the United States have recently become concerned because of reports in the lay press that students. Everyone climbed on the bandwagon. there obviously had to have been some cross-contamination. The FDA started their own investigation. Although morning glory seeds were one of their five most popular items." The state narcotics chief said that it was just a rumor. was initially disbelieved. Pearly Gates. he said. The presence of these complex alkaloids (widely believed to be unique to the ergot world) in higher plants such as these Convolvulaceae. lasting five to eight hours. they were. The scientists wanted to pursue the holy grail by finding new morning glory plants and new components. Suppliers quickly removed the seeds from the market with the explanation. Department of Health) which informed the scientific community that. There was fear that a potentially dangerous psychoactive drug abuse problem might be arising in he United States. sponsored by the NIMH (National Institute of Mental Health.

There was a third morning glory that came into popular notoriety a couple of years later. where each customer was given a small bouquet of dried flowers as a thank you for coming by and buying gas on the first day of business. The Zapotec name for them is "badoh. My first encounter with this plant was at the opening of a new Standard Oil gas station in Berkeley. "Where do the seeds come from?" "What are their names?" "How many do I use?" "How do I prepare them?" "What sort of effects should I expect?" I am again confronted with my classical dilemma: how do I present my scattered notes and thoughts to make them most useful when there is no obvious organizational structure? Should I organize the sources as botanical individuals (which fits with native use) or as chemical individuals which might be responsible for the biological activity? Either choice will offend the purists in the other camp. This was the Hawaiian baby wood rose known botanically as Argyreia nervosa." This was the first of this botanical group to be analyzed for its alkaloid content. runs between 0. by weight. The Nahuatl name for the plant in Mexico is "coaxihuitl" (the snake plant) and they called the seeds ololuiqui (small round things). Although there is no shamanic reputation for this plant in the history of Mexican native use. with interest focused on these morning glory plants. there certainly developed quite a notoriety in our own western culture. they will never be resolved." which might contribute to the overall effects. means "little black one. and these very compounds will be used to identify the plants that contain them. which will allow a little of the componentry to be listed and perhaps associated with the action of the whole entity. It has large fivepetaled blossoms that last just one day before changing into a seed capsule that contains three seeds. tricolor or I. the "usual suspects.312 TIHKAL — The Continuation ing volume of questions and answers on the internet over the last few years. The plants will be in part defined by the compounds within them.01% by weight in the fresh seeds. There will never be an acceptable hierarchy of ordering. These issues are far from being resolved. brown colored. and contained levels that measured some 0. tlitliltzen. which proved to be only a fraction of that of the tlitliltzen group mentioned below. and then let me bring together some of the potential active components. rice-grain sized.10 %. with a distinct tapering bulge towards one end. The Zapotec name for them is "badoh negro" and the Aztec name. The flower? . These are black. The plant that started all of this notoriety was Rivea corymbosa (or Turbina corymbosa or lpomoea sidaefolia). and the alkaloid content of the fresh seeds. rubrocaerulea). So let me start with the plant." It takes about 25 seeds to weigh a gram. There is the second morning glory with the botanical name of Ipomoea violacea (or I. They are small and spherical.02 and 0. and they appear one to a capsule.

the just plain Hawaiian wood rose. and a generalized dreamy state. LAA. and they are specifically described in the commentary located in the LSD recipe in the second half of this volume. What are the virtues and what are the risks associated with the exploration of morning glories and their contents? The virtues are many. A number of trace alkaloids are also known. They have an alkaloid content of up to almost 1%. iso-LAA). to lessen the gastric distress that reflects the massive amount of plant material that is consumed. Even with dosages up to 300 seeds there were very few positive effects reported. Thus they are perhaps one or two dozen times more potent 313 on a per-seed basis than the Ipomoea and Rivea species mentioned above. How active are the seeds pharmacologically? There is a small scattering of somewhat objective reports in the early medical literature. and usually described effects that covered the range from apathy and listlessness. The seeds of this beautiful flower are immensely larger. They represent perhaps a half of the alkaloid content of the two badoh's and they are a smaller but sizable component of the baby wood rose. they are four to a capsule. the N-(l-hydroxyethylamides) accounts for some of the isolated ergines. to no effect at all. to increased visual sensitivity. wood-like blossoms called wood roses. to a feeling of well being.MGS A bunch of hard. usually only sedation and nausea. The primary reduction product is elymoclavine and the isomer with the double bond moved into conjugation with the aromatic ring is lysergol. and a vast outpouring over the last few years of completely subjective anecdotal reports from the internet. running perhaps 10 seeds to the gram. Here the seeds are larger than those of the usual morning glories. A second wood rose is a pharmacological disappointment. Ipomoea tuberosa. This can further hydroxylate to provide penniclavine. The only other amide of lysergic acid that is present in these plants is ergometrine. It has been found that the acetaldehyde adduct of these two amides. And the complete opening of the fourth "D" ring yields chanoclavine. What is in these seeds that makes them psychoactive? The major alkaloidal components in most of the seeds are the two isomeric amides of lysergic acid. All of these are known to have activity in man. The four lesser alkaloids that are present are all alcohols. In the more recent popular reports. . The medical reports usually involved a hundred or more of either the badoh or the badoh negro seeds. as this material is quite unstable and is easily converted in the process of isolation. lysergamide (ergine. LA-111) and isolysergamide (isoergine. Isolated extracts of the seeds (2 milligrams of the extract) led to some alterations of color perception and the appearance of objects. quite often there are effective efforts made to extract the alkaloids from the raw plant material. reflecting the reduction of the acid group of lysergic acid. but they are devoid of alkaloids. over a gram apiece.

it must be noted that some of the alkaloids that are present are of nuisance value only. however. A second value is that all these will hydrolyze to the corresponding lysergic acids (LA and iso-LA) with strong base treatment. The history of ergotism is well known. Intent to commit a crime is today itself a crime. The major alkaloids are. One should visualize a sequence. but they cannot be brought around into anything of immediate value by easy synthetic manipulation. would certainly appear to be a virtue to some people. Probably the single most dangerous aspect of the isolates from the morning glory seeds is the fact that both lysergamide (ergine. the stations of the psychedelic intent so to speak. This mixture is the immediate synthetic precursor to the mixture of LSD and iso-LSD which. one of which is LSD. The enforcement of it is capricious and usually harsh.314 TIHKAL — The Continuation both as a natural intoxicant with an ancient history of use in the traditions of shamanism and spirituality. and as such have profound effects on the uterus and can be extremely damaging to hormonal balance. to LSD. there is a rich lore of medical and religious value that has been part of the Meso-American culture for many generations. I had a dear friend who always traveled in his car with a pocket full of nasturtium seeds. to a coupling of that hydrolysate to diethylamine. and as a raw material source of ergot alkaloids. to a hydrolysate of that isolate. It must always be remembered that these chemicals are ergot alkaloids. The risks? They are also very worthy of caution. Anywhere he would see a pile of garbage alongside the . on chromatographic fractionation. there are equally punitive conspiracy laws. This is a transition from total innocence to felonious behavior. and the fragile 1-hydroxyethylamide precursors to them. will provide LSD itself. All these are of interest as themselves. as they are chemical modifications of lysergic acid. both as to the gangrenous and the convulsive possibilities. The law is vague. As far as the raw material aspect is concerned. even if no overt act has been made. to a separation of the resulting mixture into two components. the amides of lysergic acid and of isolysergic acid. the natural alkaloid present) and lysergic acid (the hydrolysis product of it mentioned above) are Schedule III drugs according to the present listings in the Controlled Substance Act (see Appendix B). Historically. It starts with the possession of a package of Flying Saucer seeds. being psychoactive in different ways to different people. The continuum from innocent behavior to criminal behavior is relatively undefined and must be viewed through the eyes of someone who may not approve of your behavior. If you involve a buddy. These are the alcohols and open ring compounds with intriguing structures in their own rights. and progresses to an isolate of those seeds. in two steps and one fractionation. To be able to go from the local nursery.

or an ugly ditch or perhaps a barren mud slide. Maybe somewhere there is a Johnny Ipomoea seed scatterer.MGS road. and he knew that next year the eyesore might well be a little less ugly as it would be a mass of nasturtium leaves and blossoms. His fifty pound gunny sack of morning glory seeds is dedicated to environmental reconstruction." 315 . If you were to ask him. "Drugs? Moi? You've got to be kidding. I'm just into growin' flowers. "Do you use these as a drug?" He would say. he would throw a handful of seeds there.

316 TIHKAL — The Continuation Part Four: Time and Transformation .

Most of the speakers hold to the seven-day model of Genesis. He is a knowledgeable scientist explaining such weird stuff as. up the dial a little bit. Since this is the text of the Bible. I pass by a poor old farmhouse whose shingles are broken and black. everything holds together remarkably well. WHAT BIG BANG? (Shura's voice) Sometimes when I am working late in my laboratory I have problems finding an OK radio station. ending with an earth. I find Morten W. Given the premise of divine origin. everything can be made to fit your thesis. the sun and. there is a continuing reiteration of the day's news which I hear repeated almost verbatim every few hours. things that give the illusion of ancient times. Once the shift is made from a process of reason to one of faith.What Big Bang? 317 CHAPTER 18. such as fossil records and partially decayed radioactivity. at 740. and finding that has proven to be a total treasure. but if you accept the cosmology of creationism. I pass a station at 770 or 780 that is devoted to the Bible and Christian fundamentalism. A stanza that I learned in childhood comes to mind. are also the products of that busy week. But when I go from 740 to 810. the rest of the universe. and I lose interest. and the Bible is the word of God. "Whenever I go to Severn along the Erie Tract. a week of God's work. He always explains such things well. for example. there are a few things that are awkward. and all were the handiwork of the Creator. on KGO at 810. It is here that I have learned much of what I know about creationism." This religious farmhouse on the way to KGO along the AM dial is often my retreat from the boredom of both replayed news and omniscience. for all I can tell. On KNBC. Those who see themselves as being scientifically sophisticated will . it serves well as a fait accompli explanation of our origins. And then. why green water is coming out of the water pipes over in Danville. but with a tone of superiority and arrogance that I find humorous rather than impressive. Oh. then you can find ways of accepting and living with its troublesome contradictions. Things such as dinosaurs and uranium.

3 billion years B. The religious fundamentalist says. the rewards gained from the application of the "scientific method. To keep things in perspective. All the weird observations that are part of our science will fit another explanation just as well. I enjoy the disruption that will inevitably follow some offhand comment I might make concerning the arguments that favor the oneweek origin that took place some maybe ten thousand years ago. There might have been no origin. or even better. As a species we ask the same question over an immensely broader time base. This is the current myth in vogue that deals with the origin of the universe. using the vocabulary of the faithful. that these scientists are defending their positions with the same blend of theory and observation that they themselves employ. 14. in early March. More of this iconoclasm later.C. There is no record of this event that is unambiguous. "Where did we come from? Was there a beginning? What was there before that?" Embarrassing stuff. I find myself quite irritated when I hear the theory of the big bang being accepted by the scientific community as an item of faith. here. I should capitalize Big Bang so that it looks as important as God. Or thereabouts. since there is no available parent to help us find answers when the question is asked in cosmological terms. cold facts of science. Neither camp will gracefully admit that there are many embarrassing observations that are being ignored. God created us all out of his infinite good will. Let me paint a brief word picture of the Big Bang religion first. And the further away something is. so the acceptance of the big bang myth is every bit as much an act of faith as is the acceptance of the Genesis myth. In my lecturing at Berkeley. at one time or another in our youth." And the creationists quite rightly argue back. but the veil of prejudice must be put aside for a moment for us to see it. Not that I want to knock God. Our universe has always been here. Or thereabouts.318 TIHKAL — The Continuation smile with patient and quiet amusement upon those whom they see as present-day champions of a Middle Ages philosophy. We have interpreted the evidence from our instruments to support a theory that the universe is expanding. and expanding at a remarkably rapid rate.C. 8065 B. "Where did I come from?" As individuals we cannot remember back to our birth — our memories are sadly incomplete and we seek the input from others who may fill in the details. The learned astrophysicist says the big bang created us all in late September. Those who wish to enter into a dialogue will support their arguments with the hard. it is infinitely old. One of the most predictable questions each of us has asked of our elders. As this fun essay progresses. I hope to offer an alternative to the concept of origin. and so God just might have been with us much longer than anyone ever suspected. is. As a person who identifies himself with the scientist side rather than the creationist side of this polemic. the .

We would not exist. and the thousandth frame of our movie would appear identical to the first one. If you closely inspect the image before you. and then even this shrinks further to what looks like a point and that point is so hot that matter can't even exist at all. As the film continues to roll backwards. Anything times zero is still zero. Look at that birth frame. The resemblance between this dynamic picture and an explosion has provided us an irresistible model for the origin of our universe. let us pretend that we can watch the passing of time in the reverse direction. and ask to look at the frame that immediately precedes it. Look at that one frame again. infinitely 319 hot. the stars and the galaxies. the second frame.What Big Bang? faster it is moving away from us. This is our way of being at peace with the observation that the further away a light source is. If those were the true dimensions of our origin as shown on that birth frame. is called the Hubble constant. From that minuscule source came all the stuff that constitutes this universe: the energy. This relationship. the eventual mass. the shards and fragments. To . between how far away the light emitter is from us. who argued as to whether the Big Bang cosmology provided evidence for the existence of God. the forces of gravity and of life. Edwards (published in the International Journal for Philosophy of Religion) of a book written by two physicists. infinitely small (zero diameter). it would still be infinite. if the temperature were to drop a zillion-fold. still flying away in every direction. In short. everything appears to condense to a smaller and smaller volume. understood in contemporary astrophysics as a state in which the mass/energy of the universe is condensed into an infinitely dense. Infinity divided by anything is still infinity. This is portrayed as a super explosion. Stop the projector right there. and the red shift of the light emitted. infinitely curved. you should see an extremely small something. and what we see now is the debris. and there would be no stars or galaxies. But here is the faith aspect of this particular cosmological religion. With this model in front of us. The movie is said to have started from this point in the normal time direction and that is what the physicists call the Big Bang. Let's run the movie projector backwards. with the volume of the universe getting progressively smaller and the matter (or whatever it is) that is in it getting progressively hotter. the first frame with the very small speck that is so very hot. Each frame takes you to an earlier point in time. I recently read a review by Rem B. the more the spectrum of that light is shifted to the red. then even if that "cataclysmic explosion" were to increase that original diameter a zillion-fold it would still be zero. It stated that both authors agreed that our universe emerged as a cataclysmic explosion from an initial singularity. so that the flying fragments appear to be coming together again. at a temperature of a fantastically large number of degrees centigrade. pointlike dimension.

some will say. you can't have it both ways. or at least be at peace with. at Bell Laboratories as I remember. but had undulations and unevennesses in it. some super detectors were put up in orbit with orders of magnitude greater sensitivity. Or so they said. there is no meaning to the word 'before'. If all is energy. Homeostasis. then you would have nothing but a single black hole. and there is no time. then nothing can get started and there can be no after. and you will find yourself confronted by an army of the astronomically faithful who will leap to the defense of their theory. nothing more and nothing less. received the Nobel Prize for the discovery that there was an absolutely uniform level of radiation to be found in the sky. But the devotees of quantum mechanics will say. you can indeed have it both ways. It is a pleasure to watch the contortions that our revered scientists go through in their compulsion to fit all observations into a theory that will support. regardless of which direction you happen to look. The question has no meaning. So the Big Bang is presented within our present day science as a miracle. But this still avoids the origin question. According to Stephen Hawking.320 TIHKAL — The Continuation make that request is to immediately offend all the anticreationists." Listen carefully and you just might hear someone speak the name so frequently invoked by the biblical creationists: God. oh yes. you say. in its fine detail." But. if there is no before. Examples abound of the capitulation of the scientific community to . and you can't invoke your time suspension rules. The fact that it was both smooth and exactly ° the same in every direction was the killer observation that finally provided the ultimate proof of the Big Bang origin of the universe. "Without the passage of time. there can be no black hole. And then. A flat. uneven and variable was then advanced as the ultimate proof of the Big Bang." Others will talk about singularities involving unbelievably large accumulations of mass produced from some form of a black hole environment where the rules of light and energy are nonexistent and there is no meaning to time. The fact that it was. "Let the games begin. then the film can't be run either way. "That is like asking what lies five miles North of the North Pole. and our movie frames can indeed be viewed in sequence. One of the most amusing examples involves the determination of the presence of a background radiation that is uniform in all directions in the heavens. constant coldness at around 3 Kelvin. a few years later. and energy is mass. this Big Bang miracle. and there could be no way to "Big Bang" your way out of it. Some few years ago a couple of scientists. You know what they observed? That flat background radiation wasn't really flat. From whence? What lit the fuse? Who said. because both extremes are really expressions of the same state. And furthermore. But if the mass equivalency doesn't apply. If time can't move.

" The article has a climax sentence that is directly comparable to the Catholic Church's Sunday mass. What I am against is the blind attachment of everything to the Big Bang nonsense." IOU "Quarks have never before existed as independent entities.What Big Bang? 321 this canonical cop-out. I must rest in awe of . Let me make a parallel between the biased reporting that is so much in vogue now (let's call it Big Bang Bias. have found the missing link in our theoretical model that tries to understand how the universe evolved from its birth.. 1995. and how it might have been phrased in non-biased language (called IOU for Infinitely Old Universe)." That one I cannot paraphrase..." BBB ". "In the instant of the Big Bang the universe was a soup of quarks and leptons and radiation. Two recent articles appeared in the local San Francisco Chronicle that are superb illustrations of this mind set. the laws of physics and all the related entities that are the ultimate building blocks and operative rules of the matter that constitute the universe.000 trillion degrees. there was reported the discovery of the sixth and last quark. I do not wish to detract in any way from the beautiful story of fundamental particles. although the expression "lost its marbles" is very tempting. BBB "Scientists have managed to isolate a bit of matter providing a major clue to the origin and evolution of the universe.." IOU ". it lost its quarks." BBB "Quarks vanished as independent entities at the very beginning of time when the original Big Bang that created the universe began to cool. On March 4. in the matter of this quark report. and physics. or BBB). have found the missing link in our theoretical model that tries to understand what the universe is and of what it is made. As I would with the personal viewing of the second coming of Christ." IOU "Scientists have managed to isolate a bit of matter providing a major clue to the structure of the universe. I'm all for chemistry. They are real. and as its temperature cooled to 2. they are inescapable. as the extreme conditions of heat and energy needed to release them are not known in nature. they are essential. the various forces. and thermodynamics and quantum mechanics. but then as the universe cooled down in seconds and minutes. the top quark.

it becomes a crucial point in the cosmic history. A second article appeared. And since the mythology claims that it was at this moment of cooling that the quarks all went out to lunch. exactly five months later.000.000.000. never to be seen again. Going up in factors of one thousand. the difference between 2. There were presented some recent findings from the Hubble telescope that. if taken as being correct. Or with the addition of 273 degrees as minor correction.000. to the day. with a lot of them with a 100 of them with a googol of them zillion googol googolplex So.000. both figuratively and literally. Since this is. there is: how many zeros American British 3 6 9 12 15 18 thousand million billion trillion quadrillion quintillion thousand million milliard billion thousand billion trillion and with a little etymological looseness.000 °C. is that the American one thousand million equals a billion world.000.000 trillion degrees temperature. certainly those that I lump together under the term zillion which I have used a couple of times already in this chapter. Just how big is a trillion? The American system is based on the old French system.000. you get °K (Kelvin).000.000." I am strangely not convinced. let me continue this trivial aside. or the British one million million equals a billion world? This is important. The new article concludes: "The Standard Model is correct when it describes the fundamental particles and forces of the universe — and that science is on the right track.000. Big numbers. It is. a hot topic. certainly fit into this classification. in the same paper. deal a killing blow to the Big Bang theory.000 °C and 2. But the French recently changed their system to correspond to the German and British systems. The essence and the irony can be seen in a single paragraph from this report: . in either country.322 TIHKAL — The Continuation 2. My dear wife Alice uses the term "factoid" to represent something that is accurate and totally trivial. incontestably. so again we stand alone. the thermometer preferred by physical scientists.

By ignoring the rules of physics for a millionth of a millionth of a millionth of a millionth of a second (I kid you not) just after the incredibly dense. in a few tens of thousands of years. Everyone had always looked at the early seconds of this event. But the details must be revised. as are some of the questions as to antimatter — and include. an early microscopic fraction of a second immediately following this moment of ultimate origin. not the British sense). By the very act of inflation all earlier records have been lost. not thousands or millions." How do the true believers get out of this most recent contradiction? There were other embarrassing details accumulating. incredibly hot Big Bang went off.. all led to a single." Let me sum up the paradox in a single sentence. even today. a singularity to end all singularities. A neat article appeared in the journal "The Sciences" some twenty or thirty years ago. Inflation was found. most importantly. things didn't make sense. then the whole shooting match would have fallen back upon itself..What Big Bang? "The basic theory of cosmology. Something new was needed to maintain the faith. or maybe even a black hole. Here we are. symmetry breaking. The astronomers are finding 16 billion year-old globular clusters in an 8 billion year-old universe. very disturbing contradiction to the Big Bang model. giving about fifteen criteria for determining if the author of some . an effective insulation from having to address the questions of just what that preinflation world really looked like. open (or forever expanding to infinity) or magically neutral (on to a point of ultimate balance). Note the rigid. If the mass was what they said the mass had to be. very early pictures. magnetic monopoles. So here a second miracle is needed to explain the universe. but billions of years later (in the American. Higgs fields. Most of them use terms and vocabulary that I cannot even pretend to understand. that the universe burst forth in a Big Bang from a tiny volume long ago. "The basic theory of the Big Bang . The time scale was all screwed up. domain walls. and we are not yet sure. if we are closed (some day to recollapse). collapsed into some revisitation of the original point of origin. or explanations of stellar physics changed. Terms such as Grand Unified Theory. remains 323 intact. But when you got into the very. to get stars older than the universe. you have to allow the exploding thing to expand at 1025 times the speed of light (some suggest maybe 1050 times as fast) to achieve the organization and the mass distribution needed to accommodate the galaxies and the big attractors as we know them today. remains intact. a Big Crunch. anti-matter. But it didn't. The rewards of this sleight-of-hand are many — atomic ratios are reasonable now. blind adherence of the faithful in that above paragraph.

What a wealth of richness in vocabulary and esoteric thought has now become available to us.. made a claim of having observed room-temperature fusion. invoking the continuing generation of mass to account for the retreating of the outermost limits. we have to have a second miracle — a magical suspension of the laws of physics for a while so that everything can expand at a zillion times the speed of light. But still there is the embodied ." And it just might be that the groundwork is being laid for a third miracle. from this Big Bang affair. drastically change the way the age of the universe is calculated. to justify that first one. has actually accelerated its growth over time." How much simpler life would be if we just dropped the concept of the Big Bang. In fairness I will admit that I am not sufficiently in the know to follow the jargon of this new-age science. but let me quote one example to give you the music. A few years ago a couple of well known scientists somewhere in the U. dense.. Cosmologist Hogan of the University of Washington suggests that the most likely way is to: ". Among the possibilities are that the universe is far less massive than the experts believe. And now. but one criterion I remember very clearly: "Is there more than one miracle being claimed?" There is the first miracle — a small. and the insistence upon there being a point of origin. Rather than continue a search for a beginning. so that its gravity has barely slowed it down since the Big Bang. hot thing that came from nowhere and started our clock. simply assume that everything has always been here. or that some strange anti-gravity force . Something in this direction was proposed by the Hoyle group some years ago. to address the question of just how stars can be older than the age of the universe. Two is one too many. simply assume that everything will always remain here. Our space and cosmos has been around forever. and will stay with us forever. The impossibility of applying experimental challenges to the Big Bang makes this test largely pointless. I applied these criteria to their reports and about twelve of them failed.S.324 TIHKAL — The Continuation extraordinary discovery was a genius or a crack-pot.. This is from a chapter in a text-book entitled The New Physics as part of the explanation of the inflation concept: "The most peculiar property of the false vacuum is probably its pressure. And rather than fret over when it all might crunch. which is both large and negative..

A good correlation has been established between how far away a star. the Infinitely Old Universe cosmology. The universe is what it has been (big) 325 . To me. or going away from us. in that if its origin is coming towards us. the faster it is receding. The further away. and they are not receding at all.What Big Bang? assumption that there is expansion (the red shift observations) and thus some earlier time there was something smaller. the faster the retreat. so there is no revision needed as to the apparent size of the universe. The point of issue taken here is that the red shift is due to something emitting its photons at a slower time scale. its frequency is lower (shift to the red). That is the equation that is the Holy Grail of the BBB's. A lot of bizarre inconsistencies suddenly become quite reasonable. This is a consideration of the Hubble constant I mentioned earlier. The high note WEEE becomes a low note WAAH as the train zips past us in the station with its whistle blaring. its frequency is higher (shift to the blue) and if its origin is going away from us. Distances are independently determined by a variety of clues. the Big Bang Bias cosmologists. and to what extent its light has been shifted towards the red. functioning on a slower physical time base. I will elaborate fully on just one point of this IOU hypothesis. Light plays by the same rules. rather than at the same time scale but with the emitter actually moving away from us. and that it came from nowhere. Nothing is receding. The assumption to be accepted in its place: the idea that time is continuously speeding up. the pitch drops in frequency. As the approach becomes a retreat. This shift is akin to the Doppler effect so familiar to us as the change in pitch of the whistle of a train coming towards us. the energy emitters. proposed in the 1920's as a measure of the expansion of the universe. is from us. are as far away as their red shifts say they are. No revision need be made to the distance of stars and galaxies from us. and hence (at some time in the past) maybe there was an origin. from energies of quasars to the periodicity of certain stars that vary regularly in their brightness. The assumption to be discarded: the idea that there was a Big Bang with a zillion degrees of temperature in a tiny location somewhere. there is a fine alternative explanation of what we are and why we appear as we do (universe-wise) with the simple replacement of one assumption with another. They. it is just that we are seeing them as they were billions of years ago. or galaxy. and the rate of its recession from us. But the dogma is: the further away. the argument that single-handedly brought the Big Bang theory into being. They are relatively static as to position. This is the famous "red-shift" and it has been used for decades both as a measure of the distance of a light source. and that newly emitted photons move faster than older photons. that the distance from us of a light source can be determined with reasonable accuracy by the rate of its recession.

Bounce them off the mirrors we have left on the moon? They come back to us in seconds. When did it have time to evolve from something simple to something less simple to something as complex as it is today (just as it was back then)? If you accept evolution. universe presents the same self-satisfying supports and reinforcements that the Big Bang and the newly born universe presents. Some one mentioned to me that there was once a cosmic hypothesis that had been called "tired light. when the earth was just cooling down enough to support life. but not necessarily solved. What is rough for one proves to be good for the other. The whole concept of an old. almost as if time is passing us by. and especially just how it became discredited. by calling upon a second and longer time period. The time period allotted for the creation of life. Life didn't form on earth. Suddenly a number of things that seemed to be uncomfortably hurried in the BBB world become quite relaxed in the IOU world. it was just as complex. and we already know that they are moving on a slower time base. This problem can be deferred. there is no way of determining any absolute standard. We have an extraordinarily complex DNA system that encodes the ultimate details of the living organism." but that it had been discredited. The most obvious of these issues is the question of the origin of life. and spores (or some similar sort of seeding material) were cast from these sites of synthesis out upon the vast .326 TIHKAL — The Continuation and what it is now (just about as big) and what it will be a lot of years in the future (still pretty much the same big) except that every year we let pass us by. That phrase is not in the indices of any of my reference books on the subject. The rate of change is so small. practically virgins. Subjectively all of us admit this apparent speeding up of time — that things seem to be happening at a faster and faster rate. Our reality is speeding up. the bits of energy we emit as photons (in TV broadcasting radio waves and with solar flares from our sun) will be cast in a slightly faster time scale. and vice versa. really old. so you can measure their speed? From distant stars of course. It is complex today. But physically. There are the pan-spermia arguments of the Watsons and the McKennas of our time. is absurdly small. and maybe this is a repetition of that idea. in our current philosophy. there is no practical way to measure the photon speed of old versus new photons. and there are indicators that three billion years ago. I would love to know just what it implied. This carries the arguments that presume the origins to be on earth. since we already know that they are shifted to the red. Where do you find old photons. then you must assume that we leapt from a zero level (no life) to a ten level (life as we know it today) with the nine level having been reached while the earth was still new and relatively uninhabitable. but it formed somewhere else.

but it is not infinitely large. life may have become extinguished. There is a glib axiom in mathematics. And this might be in a lot of places and at a lot of different times. or may have extinguished itself many. fluttered down onto earth to successfully root at the time that the earth proved fertile. so there are not an infinite number of places available. at best. many times. rather than being infinite. So. the readers. To what extent does our confidence that the universe is 10 to some big-numberpower grams in mass. give us the time to drop to an eight level in the zero to ten time scale in the reckoning of the development of our DNA sophistication. what a delightful comfort one can find by considering a third time period proposal for the creation of life. I am sure there are infinite sets that do not contain all possible combinations. I am afraid that is not quite correct. But I appeal to the knowledgeable physicists amongst you. as might ours in time. But doubling the 4 billion year earth life-span to an 8 billion year universe life span might. I have the gut instinct that since life is certainly conceivable. and over the billions of years needed to wander from galaxy A to galaxy B. Big Bang? Requiescat in pace. then given infinite time it becomes inevitable. 327 . No.What Big Bang? stellar reaches. But the comforting side benefit of this infinitely old universe theory is that it allows us to say with quite a bit of confidence that we are not alone. If something is conceivable. a Big Bang? And it is true. its turning up in an infinitely old universe just might be a pretty common event. with all the time in the world (literally) to explore the many combinations of molecules (mostly failures. depend upon our assumption that there was at one time. But this gives no grace period for intergalactic travel of the genetic material. with an occasional success) that would lead us slowly towards our present living structure. This is too severe a claim for nature. The purists will soften this bravado by arguing that the universe may be infinitely old. An infinitely old universe. But it somehow has a valid ring to it.

1988. an older institution on the Pacific Ocean some hundred miles south of San Francisco and. There are meeting rooms that have been constructed with a hand that shows both skill and taste. if any. As the plane was only two people wide. . clean. six-seat plane. although there are many differences. The overlying leitmotif is pretty much New Age. with seminars relating to self-analysis. she got her wish. in keeping with this view and in keeping with the prototype model of Esalen. The first. It has been compared with Esalen. a program of meetings and conferences that extends through the summer months. THREE PHOTOGRAPHS (Shura's voice) Hollyhock Farm is a young institution located on the Southeastern tip of a Manhattan-sized island smack in the middle of Georgia Straits. and many related topics that always appeal to those with the chop-wood-fetch-water philosophy. dream interpretation. As we walked up to it. having flown in from Seattle by float-plane. which clearly provides the bulk of the substance for the kitchen. Private living quarters are Spartan. and quiet. each year. personal discovery. trip on such a plane was in connection with our first river rafting experience. Alice and I had arrived on a mid-afternoon in August. Even the compost area and the sewage disposal mechanisms have been well thought out and reward anyone who inspects them closely. This Salmon River adventure required that we get somehow from a metropolis called Boise to a hamlet called Salmon. there clearly was the image of Esalen in mind during the setting-up of Hollyhock Farm. between the Canadian mainland and the island of Vancouver. is also a floral treasure. they raise their own food and set a superb table with few. There is. and it was not yet a familiar vehicle of transportation for her. ever. equals. and the available transportation was a small Cessna plane. There is a lodge with a piano and a fireplace.328 TIHKAL — The Continuation CHAPTER 19. Alice comforted herself by making it known that she would prefer a window seat. The garden outside the lodge. This was her second flight in a small. And.

and managed the plane with total competence. and passively watched as the pilot picked his teeth with the pointy end of the claw of his removable bridge. And he had a reputation as a Don Juan. And. I immediately confessed that although each of these subjects had been of personal interest to me. But back to Canada. I looked for and located every dial and gauge that I needed. all gathered together and quite obviously engaged in enthusiastic conversation. It was a picture that presented quite a cross-section of people. and yet others were the older folk in their sixties and seventies. and was told. that a fuel injection engine doesn't have one. as I gave the descriptions. As I had to give it a title. Of course. I asked. On one of the last evenings in Hollyhock. Some of them were small children in their pre-teens. This friend was a lecturer in the Department of Comparative Linguistics at the University of California and his name was. As we flew along just skimming the tops of the Sawtooth Range. He was an untenured faculty member.Three Photographs 329 On the other hand. time. A spanning of at least three generations. and was completely fluent in six of them. I was invited to sit as co-pilot. some were mature adults in their thirties and forties. I was asked by my host if I would consider giving an additional short lecture. I told him I would be happy to give it a try and see what would happen. vis-a-vis the unattached other sex. the time and aging themes suggested to me an interesting direction to take. and the aging process. Together. as best as I can recall from my mother's description." and organized it using that metaphor. I didn't actually have any photographs with me. I called it "Three Photographs. except for the carburetor heat control. perhaps on the relationship between psychochemistry. It was taken in the large living room in the home of a close friend of my parents. I had never thought of tying them all together. I allowed myself to indulge in the fantasy game of taking over the controls if I had to (the unexpected heart attack of the pilot who collapses in his seat and the naive passenger who saves everyone). so they had to be drawn with word pictures. without the need to invoke any chemistry at all. In this picture there was a dramatic but unposed central display of the young adults. It was a beautiful exhibition of the socially . Reico Ratsche. as I had years ago managed to put together most of the skills needed to fly a small plane. it became apparent that there was in fact only a single scene which had been photographed at three different times. Perhaps even vis-a-vis the attached other sex. I described those photographs in some detail. he could speak with ease in some sixteen languages. A smooth landing on the grass runway of the town of Salmon was anticlimactic. In the first picture I was a child who was ten years old. The get-together for the talk was quite well attended and went smoothly. So I shut up.

and there were the sisters Nadya and Tanya and Olya. and be complimented for their past contributions. surrounded closely by my scientific peers. They will occupy center stage and present the themes and theses which will define the path that must be followed. The oldsters somehow appeared to be tired and so gray. It is so marvelous that they could come to the meetings. and there was Jimmy. There were two of my cousins. But I was where it was at. And gathered about. The backdrop was a collection of brick buildings and green lawns. This time I found myself located amongst the adults in the center. Sally and Terri. some thirty years later. but somehow never really made any difference in the flow of things. but in my eyes it was exactly the same picture as the one I had seen much earlier. in New Hampshire. the has-beens. An identical photograph. and all of them standing in about the same places. I was with my colleagues here who had found the cutting edge of science and technology. at Hollyhock Farm.330 TIHKAL — The Continuation successful. I saw a couple of . there were several grandparents who were the chaperones and the necessary representatives of the older generation. in that I had just discovered how to calculate the odds at Monopoly and could take a little advantage of the others of my own age. earlier tonight. And. those who will uncover new paradigms in science and resounding psychological truths. This was taken at the Gordon Research Conference at Colby College. but were totally indifferent to the importance of this gathering. I was with those I wished to know better. except for minor background details. those who were respected for their scientific contributions to the group and who may well have played a major role in the development of this current state of knowledge." most of them about my own age. were the oldsters. I was in the background with a small group of other children of the "successful adults. The same people. Now here was that very same picture but it carried quite a different set of identifiers the next time that I saw it. And yet. They were the quiet ones who were always there. that very same picture was here. I remember the picture well. up in the lodge with the piano and the fireplace. the old guard. They had obviously been required to come here to New London as part of their parents' vacation. We were playing a game of Monopoly on the floor in front of the davenport. yet again. These were the people who were important. not in any way an essential part of the photo. There is a group of doers and swingers. and who were respected for their genetic input to the group. And on the far right. and all of us were the ascending stars in the professional world of scientists. There were some small kids in the background who appeared to be playing catch with a baseball. and who might help me advance into a more influential position in the arena of scientific competition. as I tried to explain to the assembled group. but were now bits of history.

and then a third. This was the reason. They are here because their parents are here. is the art of understanding others. I am realizing that. who is both respected and complimented for some seminal contributions to some area. The potential loss of any of the freedoms in our society calls for battle by alert activists. the hero and. to be effective. one of the gray observers. then in a second. as has been said by someone. Wisdom. but simply with the players on the stage moving from over there.Three Photographs young children playing a quiet game of chess with perhaps a touch of boredom. and I wasn't expecting to have to play it. I cannot personally mount an attack on an infringement of Constitutional rights. quite simply. Let me chatter for a while and tell you just what I see from this most unusual vantage point of being one of the ancients. The innocent. and the toothless ancient stooped and silent over here on the right. a savior. My contribution is to support and encourage the battler by keeping him aware of the other freedoms that we have already lost. So. one from 331 Berkeley. What a fascinating series of photographs. It is my position in the picture that has changed. I will try to put my thoughts together as one of the old ones. to center stage. with the child feeding from its mother over there on the left. and his death. I didn't choose this role. All I can do is to make note that such an infringement has taken place. maybe the whole world is nothing but a painting by Breugel. finally. Only the costumes change. Let me put things into perspective. My enlightened role. and one from here in Canada. The picture does not change. based on the knowledge of the history of which streets have failed. as there will always be something de rigeur and something else passe and outre. his life. if it is wanted. why I taught at Berkeley for years. It just quietly came upon me. I must know where I am inside myself. At my gentle age of retrospect. It was not part of my plan. to over here for the final exit. Enlightenment is the art of understanding yourself. a villain — and tries to understand the nature of the human animal by observing his birth. OK. the drunken ne'er-do-well in the center. the observer. as one of the old people. would be to suggest what street to use. and here I am. I will never lead a revolution down the street to storm the door of an oppressor. and at what . The history of man is this same painting again and again and again. How many people can one person get to and influence. and yet in each I see myself first in one role. But. one from New England. And I stand over to the side. What an interesting view of the story of man! One always looks to the moving scene — the emergence of a personality. but who is not really part of the current dynamics of creativity or the mainstream of research and development by the young adult movers and shakers who are here. each and every one the same photograph.

The one-on-one approach was my preference. This then gave me the license to use the printed lecture as a point of departure. it was equally satisfactory for the students. so you can never experience a truly private life. There will always be someone who wants their position. It took about three lectures for most of my students to realize that I was not totally off the wall. My once-a-year class at Berkeley was a total pleasure for me and. as a rule. As the statement of your opinion changes. It is a loss that cannot be easily recovered. Or there will be that one person in a thousand. from the highest (the national military or elected dictators) clear down to the lowest (the martinet who controls the issuance of local business permits) all maintain their power by enforcing their opinions and prejudices as law. One wrong move and you are no longer effective. who can never be in the position of second runner. described in the University catalogue as a presentation of the analytical procedures needed in the identification of drugs in pills and powders. and tissues. and it was suggested that the students could read the day's lecture before coming to class. But always. This is why I preferred being a teacher rather than an administrator.332 TIHKAL — The Continuation cost? The people in control of the world. there were no questions. The price you must pay: you may be on top and should be looking forward. Their success must be weighed against the fact that they are targets as well. body fluids. You must always have protection against this small but real threat. over your shoulder. "Are there any questions?" And. In the last year . But they came to enjoy the flight with me. in their place. and you have to mold your expressed opinions to incorporate theirs. to see who is the second runner so you can neutralize him. It started maybe twenty years ago with about ten students and the body count went up every year. But the course was really an exploration into the excitement of science and of learning. Your ability to get others to accept your opinions and prejudices requires the support of many underlings. There were always a few that couldn't hack this different style. It is a joy to have a class of young students in front of you. It was nominally a course in forensic toxicology. and that I would eventually bring this lecturing diversion back to the point from which I had departed. I asked. and to sail off into the stratosphere. and they split the scene. And there are yet more subtle challenges. so declares you to be the devil incarnate and tries to assassinate you. but you must always be looking behind you. an equal number wandered in as the word spread that this was one loose class. so gradually does the opinion itself change. each with his opinions still in the forming stage. and each with personal biases not yet cast in concrete. that sociopath. The lecture detail had all been written out ahead of time. Pretty dull stuff. and will use whatever weapon he might require to get it. from the evaluation sheets that are anonymously handed in each year.

It must be something else. I was going to do my best to make them clear to my students. the enrollment hit almost a hundred. Any number of experiments can be designed and performed which. if the hour might be used better with active lecturing rather than passive sitting around writing in blue-books. but they would not have been easily stated. "Because. But you cannot perform an experiment that will prove it. But it takes only a single experiment that fails. I started with a very simple request. they would pass the course with an excellent grade. I expressed my love for organic chemistry. ask me and I will try to share an explanation with everyone. "Of course!" "How obvious!" I told them that if they got these concepts. and treated it as such. Some people today accept as fact that the earth is round." They had come to expect midterms with true-false questions that can be graded by computer. "It is taught as a course in memory. and hand them in next week. and the hypothesis is out the window. I don't mean simply to "learn" these things. before the State cut funds to the University so severely that I could not continue. that almost every student felt an intense dislike for it. And. Well. There will be that light that goes on overhead with an explosive "Ah Hah" being the expression of understanding. Get three. In any case. "Why?" I asked. And as they fail. I mean really and truly get them to become part of you. I want you to find out the answers." I was told. when I was younger. since they were all open book — bring all the references you want. The earth is not round. For next week memorize pages 89 to 146 and there will be a quiz on Monday. and insisted that it was really an art form rather than a science. one by one. Sometimes I wonder if you have to get to a certain age before you can be comfortable with some truly simple realities. And those who didn't would fail the course. "But how do you know we won't get help in finding out the answers?" "Get help if you need to. they found that I asked questions for which I myself had no answers. These concepts are extremely simple.Three Photographs I taught. Let me give one example of such a concept: no fact can ever be proved. concepts into your awareness. Never forget that it was . will disprove it. Instead." Each year. the reality of the earth's being really round will emerge as an ever stronger hypothesis. but we would both be disappointed. Here's a typical assignment. No one could cheat on the midterms. each year. why not take the exams home to complete. if just a single one is successful. Live with them until they become obvious and inescapable. maybe four. and if there is something unclear. or even easily conceived of. maybe not really fail. So I asked my class about 333 chemistry and discovered.

You can only fail to demonstrate danger. Carry out the experiment." I asked him. If you fail." This is an example of the Bacon thesis from the world of the reâlpolitic. But there is no incentive for the student to search them out unless he is interested. This is the thesis that was named "Inductive Inference" by the great Elizabethan scholar. State the "fact" as a hypothesis. But just as you might be able to present a broader picture of something that is intrinsically complex. "Why bother?" or. Patterns establish reality. because it elicited sympathy and attention. If you succeed with your experiment. How often have you heard someone say. is that you can get away with murder. As a young professor. It is only the failure to disprove a hypothesis that can lend weight to its validity. and your efforts now can be directed to the search for a different." he admitted." "Then." and watch them use this as a justification for slowing down and doing less. and another tomorrow. with sufficient repeating. Or to continue to use the cane that was called for with some past injury. who told me that marijuana would never be approved for popular use until it had been proven safe. Francis Bacon. Another true pleasure in teaching. regardless of how good they are. and perhaps better. you can lose the sense of urgency for presenting it at all. then there is a little more reason to believe that the fact is indeed fact.334 TIHKAL — The Continuation only the day before yesterday (so to speak) that it was accepted as a fact that the earth was flat. "there isn't really any definitive experiment that would answer that concern. Learn something . they become increasingly believed by you. His recipe for the establishment of the truth of a fact was deceptively simple. Phrases such as. I must assume that marijuana will never be approved by the FDA?" "I guess you're right. You cannot prove safety. "Who really cares?" are dangerous to say because. Periodically break all habits. and design an experiment that will show this hypothesis to be wrong. and it is this interest that must be kindled. Many years ago I had a quiet dinner with a research person from the FDA. you see your lecture topic in terms of details. Details can be gotten from reference texts. But proof? That is not obtainable. so break all patterns. but as you age you appreciate that the overall music is more important. Marijuana is still illegal and I suspect will remain so for a very long time. "I'm so tired. hypothesis. But it is still not proven. "What. Do it one way today. especially when you are an old person. then the fact goes down in flames. "would be the final experiment that would prove its safety?" "Well.

Catch their attention. and for a magic moment they see you. 335 . and can quietly act out of them. and you will be eternal. You realize now that the rules are really quite simple. Teach by example. and can be extraordinarily effective by cycling back to the youngsters. You may appear to be the gray has-been at the outer fringes of the group picture.Three Photographs new. but you are as alive as any of them. Be a teacher. You are at peace with your beliefs. And share the excitement of discovery with a child by letting him see your own genuine excitement in discovery. You see them.

and keep searching. There are millions and millions of compounds that are known. and there seems to be no logical limit as to where it might go. The things discovered have always been there. Chemical syntheses also provide discovery of the unknown. and why I say it is the most exciting of all the scientific disciplines. Astronomy. DESIGNER DRUGS (Shura's voice) The world of chemistry is. or a star in some undescribed galaxy. to me at least. But if we are diligent. There is a thrill in creating new things. without any history and without any agenda. or a moss spore. but they might be present in a tree leaf. Like a mummy in an undiscovered tomb. It is developing with extraordinary rapidity. Who knows the extent of undiscovered treasures all around us? We have not yet looked in the right place.336 TIHKAL — The Continuation CHAPTER 20. There are foods. and therefore there can be no one who can advise me as to what its properties will be. . that have been described in the literature and that constitute our chemical heritage. At the moment of its creation. it exists in full beauty. no hint of it existed anywhere in the cosmos. These many compounds can be discovered in the world of animals around us. This is why I am totally captivated by the art of chemistry. It is just that we did not know them. archeology. but all the unknowns are without any earlier history. mathematics. Everything that is newly created in my laboratory is also new in the known universe. at least here on earth. they do indeed exist. it is continuously providing discoveries that are unexpected. Let me to share this excitement with you. There are the biochemicals of the life process. they may be unknown to us. It is a process of discovery. without any question the most exciting of all the disciplines of science. all continuously reward us with the discovery of the unknown. they can be found because in this very moment. As far as we know. not of invention. as far as I am aware. at the moment before its creation. Each new compound produced by a chemist is a glimpse into a universe of the unprecedented.

This is the invention part. are only a small part of this chemical heritage. hormones. None of them have been seen before in nature. enzymes. many more of the known compounds are from the imagination — and the diligence — of man. and minerals that in essence define us. But these compounds of nature. the count soared dramatically. It is the discovery part. Through the middle of the last century. These many compounds have had their origins in the yet simpler forms of life. From the systematic study of these combinations. with a pinch of something else. And with the increased accuracy of reaction predictions. Let us see how they have come to be. of directing chemical reactions. and all can influence our behavior. and the development of tools such as spectroscopy and chromatography. How does a chemist make. Let us look at new and novel chemicals with new and novel structures. we each produce different DNA. from the time of life's origins. we are totally unique. They can have no evolutionary significance as their reason for being. The last 100 years of chemistry can be seen as the century of creation rather than of discovery. rather than simply cooking things together. we all produce the same urea.Designer Drugs 337 and metabolites. In some ways. new compounds were produced by accident or by luck. the terpenes. there emerged an awareness of the rules of reactivity. There has been a shift from: "Let's throw this together with that. There are the alkaloids in the plants." to: "Let's see if we can create something new. There can be synthetic strategies. Therefore they have no obvious role in the natural process. Instead of asking: "What have we done?" we can now ask: "What can we do?" . which are anything but simple: the fungi. or define a new compound? In the early days. the sugars and the essential oils as well. This "creativity" concept has given rise to the philosophy that there can be target compounds. the molds and yeasts and viruses. the bacteria. that have provided us with our poisons and our anti-poisons. the number of possible combinations of these compounds increased exponentially. these treasures from the world about us. There are the steroids. In some ways we share common molecules. The technology of controlling. has created an ever-expanding collection of new molecules. and see what comes out of it. and observing the results. Many." This is a new definition of the research approach. These compounds can have their origins in the world of plants. there came forth the concept of molecular structure. As the number of compounds known increased rapidly. Here one can often find that the bug which is so threatening to us can be closely related to a cousin bug that just might provide a curative antibiotic which could control the threatening bug. or describe. more and more organic compounds became known.

These became known as "Designer Jeans" which was a term of merchandising and promotion. the inventor in a distinct and well-defined role." A fad started up for well known people to add a little bit of personal identification to otherwise "normal" jeans. and I will provide new drugs that fall outside of that definition. "Designer Drugs. One could find "Gloria Vanderbilt" jeans and "Calvin Klein" jeans." A clothing company called "Levi's" had a popular product. and very desirable. and the development of research tools. and was used to imply an attempt to circumvent the law. The chemist involved is believed to be trying to develop something that would bypass the existing narcotics laws. On the one hand. The concept of the designing of a drug for a specific purpose had suddenly become very real. It celebrates all of the acceptable attributes of our Western . and the authorities will try to stop him and then punish him. that should be held separate. there were no well-known people associated with the new drugs. to the anti-social drop-out. On the other hand. a line of blue. on hearing the phrase. The second reason for the designing of new chemicals is quite the opposite. and attach their names to the product. And each of the motives presents the researcher." The term "Designer Drugs" became a term of condemnation. there is the term "designer drugs. "I will get around your careful definition of explicitly defined illegal drugs. that were known as "Blue-jeans. The effort to evade the explicit letter of the law is the act that gave rise to the actual term. it was a natural development to study the relationship between structure and activity. to refer to these substitutes. the scientist. the circumvention of patent claims. in the case of these compounds being drugs. The average citizen. at the University of California at Davis. It says. There are two concepts used presently in our country. washable pants. having been made only for the purpose of appealing to the drug user. He will be assumed to be engaged in some unacceptable behavior. The drugs themselves will be branded as being evil.338 TIHKAL — The Continuation With the concept of a molecular structure as a device for looking at a compound. the term "Designer Drugs" was coined by Professor Gary Henderson. When a series of unrecognized variations of the narcotic Fentanyl appeared on the street as substitutes for heroin. However. The only names associated with them were street slang terms such as "China White. to those who define the worst of our society. will immediately assume the target to be bad. synthesize and define new drugs that are related to old drugs. Through "drug design" one can conceive of." and it is used in the United States only in its most negative sense. there is the "designing of drugs" which describes an exciting and socially acceptable research process." What are the motives for designing new chemicals? There are three that are obvious to me: the circumvention of drug law. And sometimes to sell them for twice the usual price.

Each of these products will certainly be protected by an air-tight patent. the design of instruments of inquiry. and his employers will reward his successes. But remember that. For a tobacco company. despair. The motive is to get around the law. They are different only as to their acceptance by our society. Here one can create chemicals for the use of researchers. Society responds to this example of circumvention of the law in a totally positive way. but he always takes care not to make anything so similar to it that the law (be it narcotics law or patent law) will pay too much attention to what is being done. The third technique for the designing of new drugs contains elements of both of these earlier examples. this might be a popular antidepressant. the inventor explores a path of discovery that follows closely to what is known. The brain has been looked at in great anatomical detail over the years. the modification of known things to make unknown things. For an agricultural industrial corporation. In each of the two cases. The chemist involved will try to develop something that would not be in conflict with the existing patent laws. Go and invent something to make and sell. is held in the highest esteem. The chemist involved in this kind of search is seen as being engaged in the most noble of scientific work. And as to the drugs themselves? The drugs themselves could well be accepted as being of great social value. that would not be specifically illegal.Designer Drugs capitalist philosophy. joy. This type of drug design is considered to be totally appropriate. How does a competing company break into a highly successful monopoly? It tells its research chemists to go into the laboratory and design a new molecule that will get around the letter of the patent law. this might be an additive that makes smoking more pleasant or less painful. in that they could contribute to a better standard of living. This behavior is always applauded as being completely correct. And to make money in the process. How can one design a probe that will reveal some detail of the human mind? One must always remember that here one is not speaking about the brain. and yet it has a purpose all its own. and perhaps even steals from it. self-esteem (or lack of it). although the reasons that justify these two very different philosophies for the designing of drugs are 339 completely opposite. The intellectual environment that surrounds the search for these drugs. euphoria. The procedures actually employed in each are identical." For a pharmaceutical company. and he learns from it. these new industrial discoveries. It has been the target of a great . tools that might answer questions about uniquely human capabilities such as logical thought. motivation (or lack of it). This is the design of instruments of research. this might be a potent and highly selective insecticide. schizophrenia. The rationale for the designing of new drugs goes something like this: "Our competition is making piles of money with its sales of one of the most in-demand products of the year. the goals were the same.

as that is the only presently acceptable workplace for the neurochemists. from the initial design. This is the work that I choose to do. As to the initial design consideration. You have a target. And society will smile upon you. How does one design the tools for exploring the normal function of the human mind? Or for exploring the possibilities of repairing problems with mental functions. you are playing very much the role of an artist. research tools that are interesting only in man. the nucleus of . When you design a new tool. to extend them beyond what we presently accept as the normal? Some of these designs may lead to a molecule that acts in some way like an illegal drug. You may be quite surprised as to where you eventually get to. a potential drug. but you indeed have a goal. But the brain that is most often used is the brain of the rat. I would like to walk you through the act of creation. I will use the vocabulary of a tool-maker. With the artist. not brain functions. And legal authorities might believe that you are violating the narcotics laws. But most often. And industry will come to you with offers of patenting. with the chemist. a new compound. so as to bring them back to the normal? Or for exploring. neurotransmitter receptors. and solvents. your discovery under patent law. and perhaps try to reward you. and thus hide. and catalysts. Let me give one example of this form of artistry. to make your invention illegal. and of exploitation. or DIPT for short. to the introduction and getting-to-know this new individual. But I am speaking here about the mind.N-diisopropyl tryptamine. This is found only in humans. this is painting. And there will be moves to protect. to the actual birth of the new drug. Some of these designs may produce therapeutic drugs that might well be commercially useful. these drugs that have been targeted for exploring the mind are neither abusable nor exploitable. or even extending and elaborating upon these mental functions. one which I have found to be unbelievably exciting. and perhaps try to punish you. They are simply what they are. You have a blank canvas in front of you. I had a pretty good vision of what I wanted to create. And there may be action taken. I want to describe to you a little bit of this particular world of tools. You have the skill and talent in your hands of creating. actions of agonists and antagonists. The example I have chosen is a research drug called N. in this third area of the designing of drugs.340 TIHKAL — The Continuation deal of recent-day study in biochemistry. Society might frown upon you. and up to the final definition and understanding of the completed product. And you have an inspired image of what the final picture might be. and reagents. I have produced my most satisfying creations using one of two types of canvases. this is synthesizing. You have a pallet of oil paints. which is your collection of chemicals.

So. I might get a compound with oral activity. Keep it simple. I now must meet it and get to know it. curiosity. and its obvious physical properties. but in no way do I really "know" the chemical. It is then that new and unexpected things can be learned about chemistry. and I now had my first hint as to just how it might become a useful tool someday. and maybe it just might be a clean and instructive product. The structure it possesses is only one of the many brushes that I have used in this creation process. I had accepted some 18 milligrams of DIPT into my body a short time earlier. like looking at a newborn baby. A nice kind of bulkiness. I always become aware that some of these very properties that I am observing have been instilled into it by me. interlocking threedimensional nature. This stage of the process can be difficult. It sounded absolutely terrible. so to speak. I knew that there was no way possible that any symphonic group . Go for a simple product. and it will learn from me. and excitement. Forgive me the mixing of the metaphors of artist and chemist but many of the concepts of designing a painting or a compound are identical. is pretty much complete.Designer Drugs 341 phenethylamine or the nucleus of tryptamine. True. But as I learn. Its value might be in learning how we interpret sounds. it's time to put oil to canvas. I must begin to interact with my creation by employing a mixture of caution. is a total unknown. there were no surprises. let me sum up the "how" part by simply stating that the indole was converted — via oxalyl chloride and diisopropylamine — to the glyoxamide — which was reduced with LAH to give me DIPT. Looking at these fine white crystals is. The hydrochloride salt was a fine white solid. Here I knew that a tryptamine was needed. In the tight jargon of the world of chemistry. But it always gives promise of being instructive. It can be especially informative when everything goes wrong. What kind of chemical shrubbery should I put on the right hand side of the canvas. the unique nature of this compound. however. or it can be straightforward. Once the concept. I will learn from this creation. With time I will gradually discover the inherent properties. I know the structure of the compound. in one way. In this particular case. the design. Let me continue the mental picture. The first clue of the nature of this friendship between DIPT and me was when I became aware of the fact that I was listening to a recording of "The Young Person's Guide to the Orchestra" on the radio in my study. but how was I to embroider it? My past work had assured me that if I were to put lots of bulky stuff on the basic nitrogen. on that basic nitrogen? How about a couple of isopropyl groups? They have never been used in this particular situation and they have an appealing. It is by this give and take interaction that we become familiar with one-another. Should I place a group on the aromatic ring? Nah. Either one. having designed a potential drug and given it birth. It is a truly mutual development. the compound or the baby.

a certain number of cycles were being removed from the perceived sound. during. Here is a potentially superb tool to explore and begin to understand one of the complex functions of the human mind. and slowing it down. the next time around. very different. A recent study has established that DIPT is primarily associated with the auditory process and that this property can be demonstrated in others. Somehow. This allowed an objective time-curve of effects to be constructed. Perhaps it can be labeled with carbon-11 and its dynamics observed with a PET camera in a human subject. now what new tool do you want to create? This cycle can be repeated as often as you wish. Nothing might come out of this series of questions. You must ask yourself a sequence of questions. These two realities. This is the true magic that is to be found in the concept of "Designer Drugs. can be very. It was not like putting your finger on the edge of a record player turn-table." . This type of highly specific distortion gives promise of a tool for looking at the interface between an actual physical sound and how we hear it. out of it might come some totally different and unexpected tool. Perhaps it can be defined pharmacologically by the neurotransmitters it replaces or interferes with. what actually goes into the ear. and after exposure to DIPT. and that which would otherwise have been an acceptable harmonic relationship sounded terrible. one that might someday be used to explore a little further into the miracle of the human mind. There was no distortion of the sense of time. But there was a complex distortion of chords. not outside me. so that a lowering of the apparent pitch was being experienced. is that perhaps this tool might be a prototype for another. But just maybe. I began to pay attention to what was inside me. What would be the scan of its distribution in a tone-deaf subject? What would be its effect on a schizophrenic subject who is hearing the voice of God? And the most exciting part of any discovery such as this. Two subjects with absolute pitch were able to state what the exact pitch was of any one of several single musical notes that were generated for them by an independent observer. and what we think went into the ear. What do you want from a new drug or a new tool? How would you design it? How can you learn what you have? And having learned this. Their assignments were very accurate before the drug was given and quite inaccurate while the drug was present inside them. then accurate again after the effects of the drug had dissipated. They provided their opinions before. and satisfactorily confirmed this unique property of the drug. Different notes were distorted to different extents.342 TIHKAL — The Continuation could be so awful and still be tolerated in the recording of this little gem of Benjamin Britten.

343 Part Five: Drugs and Politics .

a five dollar fine and the confiscation of the cigarette butt on the spot. And there is a good argument for bladder cancer. and I would move it around a bit. Say. They outlawed horns along . so that some alternate crops might be found. He was an unexciting but very well organized speaker. who spoke about environmental origins of cancer. Lung cancer has come from a virtually unknown diagnosis at the turn of the century to a major killer in society. There would be a more than modest savings for the taxpayer right there. but they were impressive. the use of cigarettes represents one of the major preventable sources of cancer and its tragic economic and social consequences. There was no surprise that much of his presentation concerned the use of tobacco. and the public health problems that have been a consequence of smoking. after all. Then he would add another idea. the way they effectively stopped the use of horns in Paris.344 TIHKAL — The Continuation CHAPTER 21. and he would adjust it a bit to soften the edges. COULD WE? SHOULD WE? (Shura's voice) I was driving back up to the Owl Club annual encampment a week or so ago. This is. and especially about preventable cancer. and we got into a discussion about one of the lakeside talks by an oncologist from Texas. I forget the statistics. In recent years this has become true for women as well as for men. the courts could refund the fine (and the butt). But with a receipt so that if there is a medically valid reason requiring continuous smoking. But it went something like this: First. let's put a ten year scale to the program. And heart attacks and emphysema are both undeniably associated with smoking. So we got into a fun discussion — could one by law stop the use of cigarettes? It became something of a game — I would propose some restriction or control. In short. Start by phasing out the government's subsidy to the tobacco growers over the course of ten years. with Martin. And pass some sort of an ordinance that smoking in public is a minor crime.

smiled. Nothing happened. in the home. Perhaps even cancer research. an opened pack of cigarettes were to be found. Our enthusiasm rolled on unabated. After a couple of years.Could We? Should We? 345 with the threat of arrest. No one could really complain. And I said to Martin. "I really think we could do it!" "Yes." We drove a bit in silence. but in due time the problem. . once that has sort of worn itself into the behavior patterns. as was found in Sweden with the nationalization of the pharmacy profession. In 24 hours. Still a din in traffic. Oh yes. Then I asked him." "But should we do it?" I asked him. and the social expenses associated with tobacco use would be brought down to acceptable levels. he found no answer. tighten the screws a bit more. and the human suffering. As was done there. And then. considerable additional profit to the government. in conjunction with a legal search within one's home. "Then why is heroin illegal?" To this. there would probably be an ongoing black market for cigarettes smuggled in from across the border because of the profits that would accompany illegal sales. and shook his head. Still OK in cars. but it would be a pretty heavy scene from the law enforcement point of view. in the rest-rooms and the telephone booths of the country. we went on. and this might be a valid process if seen simply from the health and welfare point of view but it flies in the face of our civil rights. Then a simple ordinance — one honk and you are fined 5000 francs ON THE SPOT with a receipt. and then they outlawed horns with the threat of arrest and court-imposed fines. a move could be made to allow tobacco sales only in state or government stores. then this too would constitute evidence of criminal behavior. but not where others gather. A very impressive social program. So — no smoking in public. We have a pretty good system of personal liberties as we are right now. He thought for a few seconds. the rationalization would be that the excess funds coming in could be used for medical research. And if. Make it a misdemeanor to have an opened pack of cigarettes in your possession in public! This would drive the poor addicted person closer and closer to either quitting for good (our benevolent goal) or truly withdrawing from social intercourse (at least it would get them out of sight). "No. virtual silence. That would allow an eventual restriction of hours and.

Let nature take its course and hatch the young. But some of this mushrooming of the scientific literature is the product of an ego expression of a different sort. Professor of Botany at Silverdale. The pressure is expressed in a joke told about pharmacologists by those who are not pharmacologists. upon injecting a compound into an animal. to read all of the literature. sometimes the authors simply don't bother to hide their sloth. and publish on metabolic transformation. The push to publish. Every year more and more journals pop up like mushrooms. Collect a dropping.346 TIHKAL — The Continuation CHAPTER 22. each looking at substantially the same research work. Angst. This is sometimes. As an example of this type. What is the definition of a pharmacologist? A laboratory person who. Run a maze. and quite rightly. Some of this is a product of the publish-or-perish ethic of the academic world. consider the aging and not-too-widely acknowledged Dr. the energy. who asks himself how many scientists are aware of . BARRIERS TO RESEARCH (Shura's voice) Scientific literature has become unmanageable. sadly. referred to as "Salami Science. They assume. that no one out there has either the time." Paper after paper is published. dedicated to the publication of papers of an increasingly narrow scope and appealing to an audience with correspondingly narrow interests. Inject a drug into a pregnant female mouse. and publish a paper on drug discrimination. Sometimes the single "injecting of a compound" is cleverly disguised in the experimental section. but through an ever-changing lens. is a tremendous driving force behind every young scientist who wishes to create a slot for himself in his university department or to receive a priority on his pending grant application. And on and on and on. Collect a second dropping and report pharmacodynamic kinetic curves. produces seven publications. then put a note into a teratogenicity speciality journal. where a faculty member will be weighed for his worth in tenure by the number of publications he has amassed. or the interest. to get another paper out.

and I have published in JPET. and giving them free subscriptions. some twenty years ago. In Vitro Cellular and Developmental Biology. Analytical Chemistry. Phytochemistry. Many of the journals of specific professional societies serve a second level of communication — not only an exchange of scientific information. they go. Are you a pharmacologist? Of course. giving rise to names such as: Psychoneuroendocrinology. appearing at regular intervals. Every month there are a half dozen new journals being published that are designed to appear six times a year (the issues may be some 50 pages each) for an outrageous annual subscription rate of $320 to institutional libraries. and Journal of Neurology. Many of the publication vehicles here can be called the hyphenated journals. They come. Examples are: The Journal of the American Chemical Society and the Journal of the Royal Society of Medicine." The average citizen has no idea how much of his income tax dollar goes to just this sort of vanity stroking. Some of the titles name the discipline. and blossoming forth into this exciting world. the interdisciplinary journal which is devoted to any and all fields that are collected under the broad umbrella of scientific observations and factual reporting? When I was young.. I will call my buddies and get them to promise to submit a research paper in the near future. Neurosurgery and Psychiatry. presenting reports that are directed to readers of a specific discipline. "to start a research journal. which I'll call 'Xelorhrobida Letters'. But they fill a need for someone. in defining the Genus Xelorhrobida in the area of the Euphorbia? "Maybe the time is right. I am a member of the Society of Pharmacology and Experimental Therapeutics. e." he will say to himself. things that require an overlap of normally separate disciplines. This is a large body of publications. and Neurology. There are also the publications of societies that promote themselves as being the organizations that define the scientist. Journal of Pharmacy and Pharmacology. Toxicology.g.Barriers to Research 347 the seminal work that he had done. But what about that highest level of publication. and probably I can get Pergamon to publish it if I could guarantee two hundred subscribers. I'll make sure by appointing them all associate editors. This is the bottom level of published scientific literature. somewhere. I had been taught that every major country (one with some self-image of being "first . And so often the journal predictably fades from sight at the conclusion of Volume 2. Occasionally one finds an obscure and totally in-house name such as MacGuires Comments. Oh! Then you must be a pharmacologist! It is through publication at this middle level that most of the quality research discoveries are presented to the scientific community. but a comfortable way of staying in touch between the mandatory national meetings. The middle level consists of journals that offer to publish the research findings of scientists within a given discipline.

the United States had Science. this loss had to be exposed. as this move would effectively stop any and all research on its use in clinical practice. I assumed that there would be much mention of MDMA. I knew that this would be the area I would have to address. I am sad to say that I believe this is prostitution at its most blatant.348 TIHKAL — The Continuation world" in the areas of research) had its own journal that could serve as a sort of national emblem. England had its Nature. indeed! What follows is the text of my presentation. articles involving archeology.000. since that drug had just been swept into the Schedule I classification by the invocation of the Emergency Scheduling Act of 1984.000. There's where the public acclaim will come from. Years ago. an AAAS meeting in San Francisco. at the cost of losing all appeal to a broad interest amongst its readership. And. The advertising revenue reflects this specialization. Why not use the invitation from the AAAS gene cowboys to the San Francisco Annual meeting. it was substantially untouchable in the research environment. Schedule I. but each of them has found that such an ideal does not bring in enough subscriptions. is an excellent example. as an opportunity to discuss this situation? Why not. the weekly publication of the American Association for the Advancement of Science. and embryology would compete equally for space on its pages. Switzerland had Experientia. These were the ne-plus-ultra of class and prestige. allowing discussions to involve related topics. each of them has become more and more specialized. Recently. astronomy. I thought of creating a completely nasty title such as "Psychedelics and the Genome. sadly. Each of these maintained the principle of multidisciplinary reporting as a founding heritage. geology. Since there had been no medical utility acknowledged for MDMA. To publish in such a journal was a mark of international recognition and acceptance by your peers. it was placed in the most restricted category. With a $10. it was given to an audience of perhaps 400 individuals and largely ignored. That's where the money is. So my presentation was more modestly titled. Science. in early 1989. and it would be most difficult to discover medical value. I can't fault their specialization. it was with some surprise that I received an invitation to attend. I saw a mindless iron hand removing some of the freedoms of research. the editorial staff has chosen to go the genome route. .000 encouragement to be realized over several years from several governmental agencies for the unraveling of the human genome. So. mathematics. and somehow." but I abandoned the idea. and I have let my membership in the AAAS lapse. Yet. As such. And so. and Germany had its Naturwissenschaften. The topic of the symposium was "Designer Drugs" but it was made known to me that there would be quite a bit of freedom extended. and address. and a disproportionate number of pages deal with genotypes and DNA sequencing. France had the Comptes Rendu.

could continue to appear. and in 1984 it passed an emergency scheduling act that allowed the temporary placement of a drug into Schedule I without hearings and with only a thirty-day notice. and it served as the focal point of the Analogue Enforcement Act of 1986. instilling a legitimate concern within the law enforcement community. The procedure for adding new materials was well defined. Then. Although the Emergency Scheduling Act of 1984 was fully in force. Congress was asked to authorize that the hearings process be deferred. or hearings would be set up to help decide these issues. . one of these synthetic variants of Fentanyl appeared in the street heroin trade. There were many in the law enforcement community who felt that this process was too time consuming. had been brought under Federal control and were specifically and explicitly named. This action started a sixty-day process. Approximately 250 drugs. A great number of structural modifications of Fentanyl had been synthesized by Janssen Pharmaceutica in Belgium. The Drug Enforcement Administration (DEA) expressed its fear that these new drugs. A very large number of additional structural modifications of this parent drug have been explored in the academic community. a few years ago. There was rarely any ambiguity in the courts as to whether a material was or was not an illegal drug. a second and different one appeared. All of these are morphine-like narcotics that differ from one-another largely in their potency and duration of action. and the hearings could still be held if specifically requested. the drug would either be placed in a schedule. But please note that the drugs involved were still explicitly named. and Carfentanil. Lofentanil. one after another. and four plants. I stated that we were blessed in this country with 349 what could be considered among the best narcotics laws in the world. When the Federal authorities became aware of a drug which they felt might present a potential public health hazard if it remained unregulated. and at the end of that time.Barriers to Research BARRIERS TO RESEARCH In a paper that I presented a few years ago to the California Association of Toxicology. compounds such as Alfentanil. in keeping with the degree of its danger and the presence or absence of medical utility. Almost as soon as it had been identified. Sufentanil. cleverly named "designer drugs" in imitation of the "designer jeans" fashion concept. a published announcement was made through the Federal Register. and effective enforcement would be impossible. Fentanyl is a synthetic narcotic with many years of proven medical usefulness. This was to apply only to drugs which were felt to be an imminent hazard to public safety. Some of them. have been incorporated successfully into medical and veterinary practice.

known drug. and quarternary ammonium salts. Let me dissect this law into its two major parts. What is an analogue? And what is the behavior. the chemical structure of the drug is considered. amides. what you come up with is a designer drug. primary alcohols. imidazoles. All four types of amines are present. without having immediately torn it to bits and shown it to be completely meaningless! Every one of us knows perfectly well that when you synthesize a new potential drug. Perhaps designed to avoid patent law. Congress was given carefully worded suggestions by the DEA. just days before the national elections. pejorative term to be used in our hearing more than once. whether you work for Ciba or for the CIA. This legislation is called "The Controlled Substance Analogue Enforcement Act of 1986" and is part of Public Law 99-570. These concerned the need for a "Designer Drug Law" that could be used as a blanket control covering any new drug that could be abused." How could we. primary amines. Almost every new and unknown drug is a variation on an old. a drug is an analogue if it meets any one of the following criteria: First.1986. as scientists. let me ask you to put a moment's thought into the phrase "designer drugs. As an aside. pyrrolidines. . that is criminal? According to this law. law was needed. ethers. Designed to do something new. and Federal law was written and passed to attempt to control anything and everything that might appear on the illicit drug scene. Just what are the structures of the drugs that are contained in these two schedules? You can find a complete spectrum of functional groups. secondary amines. indoles. and the news and ramifications of it have been largely lost in the noise and drama of the political events of the time. All three types of alcohols are present. In other words. The compound is an analogue if its structure is substantially similar to the structure of any listed Schedule I or II drug. such as pyridines. I personally believe that this law presents a shameful barrier to a very important segment of scientific research. esters.350 TIHKAL — The Continuation it was stated that a general. It was signed into law on October 27. involving an analogue. ketones. secondary alcohols and tertiary alcohols." The recommendations of the DEA were followed nearly verbatim. have allowed such an idiotic. if it lay outside of the medically approved pharmacopoeia. and nitriles. tertiary amines. There are examples of all the most common heterocyclic ring systems. Maybe designed to allow a new scientific paper to be published. Congress was provided a written outline that would establish legal control over any "designer drug. There are acids. through the offices of the Attorney General. rather than a specific. piperidines.

. pyrans. approximately. probably. furans. pyrimidines. If a material is intentionally represented as having a stimulant. becomes an analogue within this legal definition. if it has an approved drug application. the precision of the original Controlled Substances Act. And what is the nature of one's behavior with an analogue that shall constitute a criminal act? It is the intent to make it available for human consumption. any of which will exclude it from becoming an analogue. or hallucinogenic action substantially similar to that of a Schedule I or Schedule II drug. or in ways that could be construed as being "substantially similar" to those evoked by a scheduled drug. And what was the reason for the use of the intentionally vague phrase "substantially similar?" There is a term in rhetoric known as a disclaimer. a word introduced as a hedge or qualification. Words or phrases such as almost. any drug which affects the CNS (central nervous system) in any of these ways. in two weeks at the latest. there are simple benzene-ring aromatic compounds and there are simple non-benzene-ring aliphatic compounds including cyclopropyl rings. A third definition is an extension of this. if a particular person has an exemption allowing him investigational use of that drug in question. oxazolines. depressant. had been totally compromised. which could not be argued by some person. in a few days. if it is already a controlled substance. a word chosen to allow a certain freedom of interpretation. or it is not intended for human consumption. Again. And of course. One would be hard put to find a structure of any drug. thiophenes. A second. the exactness. quinazolines. and involves the way a drug is represented. the vague double disclaimer "substantially similar" must be reckoned with as part of the description. anywhere. There is a measured ambiguity in the phrase "similar to" and there is a measured ambiguity in the phrase "substantially the same as.Barriers to Research 351 morpholines. it becomes an analogue. cyclopentyl rings and cyclohexyl rings. and purines. are disclaimers. The law explicitly states that there are four criteria. In short. depressant. somewhere. independent definition of an analogue deals with its pharmacological action. A drug is to be legally considered as an analogue if it has a stimulant. It is generally accepted that if two of these three definitions are met then the chemical or drug in question becomes a controlled substance analogue. with its explicitly named drug targets. cyclobutyl rings. the analogue would be treated as if it were a Schedule I drug. as being in some way structurally related to a Schedule I or a Schedule II drug. or hallucinogenic action that is substantially similar to that of a Schedule I or Schedule II drug." But what is to be inferred from "substantially similar?" Suddenly. And if such were to occur. dioxoles.

is unthinkably stupid and inappropriate. And they have always avoided any intimate involvement in the structure of academic research. We have quietly acceded to a non-scientific authority that can oversee and. or that are ineffective. or been put in a position of having the power to allow or disallow the pursuit of a research question. The officials of the FDA had never before been given the role of judging the merits of research. where it had never before rested. to an increasing degree. and cannot be tolerated. searching. the DEA. I know that there will be a number of questions and arguments. his professional peers. . But this role has heretofore been restricted to the weighing of the virtues of a drug versus the risk of using it as a medicine. within the past five years. and questioning. laws which take the research initiative concerning human studies away from scientists and give it to politicians and bureaucrats. have largely accepted this complete somersault over the age-old traditions of exploratory research. this law has given the authority for the decision directly to governmental administrative bodies. The placement of medical research approval within law enforcement. Let me try to anticipate them. Somewhere along the line in this country. and the insistence upon being personally responsible for what we do in our search and how we conduct that search. That was the province and the responsibility of the physician. influence the direction of our inquiry. as this was the province and the responsibility of the individual researcher.352 TIHKAL — The Continuation As to what human research studies may or may not be performed. And the evaluation of protocols for the determination of actions and risks of medicines is clearly the FDA's major contribution to the protection of the public from any inadequate evaluation of these risks. What are the virtues being claimed? What is the basis for these claims? The FDA has always carefully avoided any act that could be interpreted as directing the practice of medicine. we have begun to lose that sense of independent looking. That has classically been a matter involving the relationship between the researcher. as the research community. I am making a heart-felt plea for the changing of these drug laws. asking. or that are mislabeled. We. The function of the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has evolved over the years into one of safeguarding the public from exposure to medicines that have disproportionate hazards. and his experimental subjects.

ego inflation. but the validation of the action must take place in the psychotic human subject. And similar changes by a completely different drug would imply that it. might possess an antipsychotic action. The animal model may even serve research needs by providing an access to receptor site studies or neurochemical research which can be used to explain psychosis in man. all of which are unique products of the human mind. Toxic side-effects can be detected in animals. Agents that can reduce blood pressure or cholesterol levels can be titrated in animals that have high blood pressure or high cholesterol levels. the model in animals is a forced one. There are no spontaneously psychotic rats. the anticipation of mortality. and evaluated in.Barriers to Research 353 Q: THERE HAVE BEEN REMARKABLE SUCCESSES IN THE DEVELOPMENT OF ANIMAL MODELS FOR HUMAN ILLNESSES. an antipsychotic drug known to be effective in man might induce a characteristic behavior pattern or a consistent biochemical change in an experimental animal. and the search for meaning. There are. many aspects of the human mind for which no animal model is conceivable. and in the evaluation of their safety and potential usefulness. however. Not a single one of these qualities can be demonstrated believably in a rat. since these diseases do not exist naturally in the animal. For these. anxiety. Agents that relieve pain can be screened for. These are areas where animal research is indispensable in the discovery of new medicines. and psychosis. creativity. how can one use a rat as an experimental animal for the discovery of a drug that might influence or touch upon these aspects of human mental and emotional experience? If these areas are to be explored. There are numerous areas where animals can be valuable in the search for drugs that are needed for the treatment of non-animal illnesses such as depression. imagination. Yet. the animal models that are used can be based on the animal responses to drugs known to be effective in man in the relief of human symptomatology. For example. WHY NOT USE THEM AND AVOID THE RISKS IMPLICIT IN HUMAN EXPERIMENTATION? Indeed. many human illnesses now have superb animal models. . The screening of drugs with such animal models can provide leads to new and potentially interesting families of antipsychotic drugs. animals which have been given painful stimuli. And I am completely convinced that none of them will be satisfactorily explained by the study of the distribution of neurotransmitters in a rat's brain. intrinsically. they can only be explored in man. So. But the animal models that are used are not intrinsically valid. Consider things such as empathy. too.

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Q: BUT THE GOVERNMENTAL REVIEWING AGENCIES ARE COMPOSED OF RESPECTED SCIENTISTS WITH UNQUESTIONED STANDING IN THE PROFESSIONAL COMMUNITY. HOW CAN YOU

OBJECT TO THEIR EVALUATIONS OF RESEARCH PROJECTS?

I can object with a simple, straight-forward answer. A person who has integrity, be he explorer, scientist, or philosopher, cannot tolerate another person's usurping his right to ask his question in his own words. If the question is badly asked, or if the answer is sought in sterile ground, the man of integrity takes full responsibility for his own errors or his mistakes. And he learns from them. He will formulate his own questions and he will evolve his own answers, in his own time and way. In my opinion, the present reality is that permission to conduct certain kinds of scientific research — the kinds that must be done in human beings and cannot be done in any experimental animal — is, for the most part, now given or withheld according to reasons of politics, not of science. Q: DO YOU ADVOCATE DISCARDING LAWS CONCERNING HUMAN EXPERIMENTATION?
Of course not. There must be laws because there are people who
seem unable to empathize with others and who apparently do not care about other people's fear or pain. We must protect the innocent from them. We have known of such people in Hitler's Third Reich and we have known of them in our own CIA. There must be laws that protect the helpless from those persons who would misuse power. There must be laws to punish the abuser of children or the drunk driver. I believe that laws must be at hand which insist upon the three traditional principles of human experimentation: obtaining informed consent, seeking peer review, and

the acceptance by the researcher himself of personal responsibility. But all other drug laws must be repealed. Not decriminalized or legalized. These are merely new laws over old ones. Laws involving drugs must, in general, be repealed. It is within the concept of informed consent that one can find the best answer to society's need to protect its innocent against a potentially abusive member of the research community. When you give informed consent it means that, first of all, you are a fully responsible adult, not a child. Second, that you are aware of yourself, your surroundings, and your social context. And third, that you agree without any kind of coercion (such as rewards or threats) to whatever activity it is that you have decided to participate in. Peer review represents the establishment of a close liaison with

Barriers to Research
knowledgeable and interested colleagues. It is through the consensus of a peer group that society is protected against the manipulations of the crackpot, the sociopath, or the seductive charmer who might be able to coerce a naive and unsophisticated individual into giving his informed consent. The ultimate responsibility for any inquiry must be assumed by the researcher himself. He should be able to speak from personal experience when he states that his new and experimental drug is not lifethreatening. He should be able to say with confidence that it is free from disturbing side effects, since he himself has tried it at or above the intended dosages. In the area of psychopharmacology, especially in research with exploratory drugs which may affect the state of mind, I hold that it is irresponsible to give to another person any drug which you have invented or discovered, unless you have personally experienced that drug's effects. This is a form of ethics that is gradually but steadily disappearing from the research scene. We call upon the government authorities for permission to perform our experiments, as if their blessing somehow assured us of safety, and freedom from risk. There has always been risk in using drugs to probe the machinery of the human mind, just as there has always been risk in using drugs to affect the physical body. There always will be. If one looks at the basis of this entire business of laws, regulations, and losses of scientific courage, one is confronted with some profound questions. How afraid are we of truly looking at and into the mind? Are we all so distrustful of what we suspect we might find in exploring the human mind and spirit that we must pass laws against certain kinds of investigation? What is the inevitable future of research into the mind, as opposed to simply the chemistry of the brain, if the laws now on the books are allowed to remain unchanged? The investigation into the nature of mind started with the appearance of man, and it will continue in its many ways as long as man is curious. The tools will remain the same as they have always been. These include the use of meditation, the study of dreams and sleepwalking states, exploration by means of hypnotic trance, and the use of psychoactive substances that bring about alterations in perceptions and states of consciousness. It would be a tragic development if we were to see the dissemination of knowledge accumulated by such investigations revert to the old system of word-of-mouth, or perhaps underground pamphlets — shades of the Dark Ages. The information which should, in this day and age, be published openly by reputable and responsible scholars in good, respected journals will instead be lost to the scientific community at large. It will

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again become a new form of arcane, occult knowledge. This is already happening, as a matter of fact. We are becoming a society of respectable establishment journals, increasingly separated from an underground of mystical-psychological-alchemical knowledge that is being transmitted,

not from laboratory to laboratory, but from bookstore to bookstore.
Q: WHAT IS THERE TO BE LOST BY WORKING WITHIN THE FRAMEWORK OF THESE NEW REGULATIONS?
There is everything to be lost. As to drug research that might involve the exploration of a normal, healthy person's state of consciousness, the official position is clear. We are told that, as there is no virtue to be gotten from any such experiment, and since no answer to any valid question can be expected, there can be no risk tolerated. Thus, no experiment can be approved. I believe that it is more important today than ever before in human history that we begin to try to understand the human mind. The human brain is now very popular, and it is surrounded on all sides by questioners and probers, by makers of positron-emitting ligands that will locate receptor sites that are begging to be named, by analysts with exquisitely sensitive spectrographs which can measure the slightest hints of

metabolites in body fluids. The human mind, on the other hand, has always been surprisingly unpopular. It is to many scientists an object of distrust, awe, and apprehension. In many parts of the scientific community, there is an absolute refusal to acknowledge that it exists at all. The only people who seem to be making a living out of trying to understand any part of the mind are psychotherapists, terrorists, and the makers of horror movies. I am deeply committed to the concept that the art of chemistry can provide superb tools for use in this area of research. Over the last thirty years I have devoted a major part of my efforts to the task of making sense of the human mental processes by the designing of research probes that in some way influence them. The technique I have used follows a logical series of steps: There is the conceptualization of a potential probe that can be argued as having some possible constructive or disruptive effect on a person's psyche or sensorium, it is synthesized, and then it is evaluated through graded dosages in self-experimentation until there is some indication of biological activity noted, or until the assay is deemed — for whatever reason — to be no longer worth the time and risk. Needless to say, most materials have proven to be of no great value, but some few have made the search worthwhile. With them, a careful clinical trial amongst a small and experienced group of subjects serves to

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define the action with considerable exactness, and the findings are then published in an appropriate medical or pharmacological journal so that the compound can be explored by other researchers in the area. Through just this form of research, several tools and potential pharmaceuticals have come into the hands of researchers. The prototype hallucinogen DOM (STP), the serotonin receptor ligands DOI and DOB, the auditory distortant DIPT, were all discovered by these techniques. There would have been no other way to have discovered them. I am making an appeal here, very simply, for a resumption of this kind of courage. I am speaking for the removal of artificial restraints that are, if not completely prohibitory of such research, at least casting a heavy chill on it. In the present social and political climate, such a chill is enough to discourage many researchers from these avenues of exploration, avenues which I strongly feel must be travelled. Let me consider a single example,

one which was the focus of intense interest at the American College of Neuropsychopharmacology (ACNP) meetings not long ago in Puerto Rico. This is the remarkable and controversial drug MDMA. Here is a drug that has the unusual property of, more often than not, freeing a patient in psychotherapy from the anxiety and lack of trust that often prevents the emotionally fragile person from expressing his feelings to another. And, as has been attested to by many therapists and patients, MDMA allows a personal perspective, which is called "insight," with a minimum amount of fear and self-censoring. All of this without any loss of self-control or rationality. The recent flood of primate research with MDMA has shown that there are long-term changes in the serotonin systems in the brains of some animal species, although there is as yet no clinical study which has shown that such changes occur in man. I am completely convinced that this is the type of tool that must be developed and explored as a possible adjunct to psychotherapy. The official line is, at the moment, that MDMA has a large risk factor, and no medical utility. That is, in my opinion, totally incorrect. The extent of risk to humans can only be extrapolated from animal experiments, and MDMA has been shown to have less toxicity than the FDA-approved appetite suppressant fenfluoramine. But there is a real medical utility and an immense medical promise. The FDA has not allowed any IND (Investigation of New Drug) application to be effective and so, to the extent that the term "currently accepted medical use" means FDA approval for medical use, there can be no medical use. The fact remains that MDMA has proven extraordinarily effective in many clinical applications and therapeutic interventions. However, since it came to administrative attention at the same time that the Fentanyl analogues became notorious, it was labeled a designer

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drug, and condemned as an abuse drug that had no virtue. The DEA holds
that it is a hallucinogen, which is simply untrue. MDMA is not a hallucinogen.

How might a compound with similar action be discovered and developed for potential medical utilization? By definition, thanks to the present Analogue Amendments currently in force, such a drug would be an analogue (it would have an action substantially similar to a Schedule I or II drug) and it would be a felony to explore it in man without prior FDA approval. And I know of no animal screening, from behavioral screening to drug discrimination studies, which could demonstrate those subtle properties that separate MDMA from any of the structurally related stimulants which do not share those properties. This is simply one example of the many paths through the unknown territory of the human mind that must be pursued and which are currently very difficult to explore in light of our present scientific and political attitudes. In an effort to facilitate law enforcement, and in the pursuit of an ideal of rational social behavior, we have allowed laws to be passed which have robbed us of our freedom to inquire. To accept these laws without argument and without protest means not only a further loss of our integrity but also — as I said earlier — a continuing loss of essential information to the scientific community and society at large. Discoveries about the functioning of the human mind and psyche must be made in the open — not in hiding. The effort to develop a working vocabulary for various levels of mental experience and the sharing of information and theories about what is discovered — all this must be done out loud, not in conspiratorial whispers and anonymous underground publications. The continuation of the human species itself obviously requires that we get to work very quickly indeed to understand as much as we can about how the human mind functions. We must use all possible tools toward that end, and we must use them with care, with love, and with respect.

Who is John Jones?

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CHAPTER 23. WHO IS JOHN JONES?
(Shura's voice)
In another chapter in this volume (DMT is Everywhere), I mentioned having had the pleasure of being in Australia and enjoying the pursuit of Wattle trees, and Acacia species, and the total pleasure of exploring and discovering Sydney. But I did not talk about my reason for being there. I was the guest of the attorney for a defendant in the Crown Court case involving some allegedly improper activity with a drug called Nexus. This had been identified as 2C-B and, as I had been the first person to have thought of it, synthesized it, and published its properties and activity, I had been invited to provide factual material to the court in its search for justice. Alice and I were given first class accommodations in a clean, stylishly furnished hotel room in downtown Sidney, in the many-star Sheridan on the Park. The entire structure of the court system there, and the roles of barristers and solicitors, was new and totally fascinating. The scheduled time for our appearance for testimony was being continuously delayed by the Crown, which gave us a fine opportunity to explore the city and become comfortable with the typical Sydneysider and his behavior. We found, among other things, an intense relationship with the telephone, and an unexpected terminology for coffee. I have never seen so many cellular phones in my life. Walking up the street we would approach a frail grandmother who was pulling her grocery cart behind her and talking on a cellular phone. Going up to the top of the Centerpoint tower, with sixteen people on the elevator, we saw four using their cellular telephones. An unexpected cultural difference is the way they say phone numbers. If we have two of the same numbers in a row, we will say, 4-2-27, for example. In Sydney, it is 4-double-2-7. How about 1-1-1-3? It becomes triple-1-3. I asked my barrister ally, what if there are four? Such as 2-5-55-5-8? It becomes 2-double-5-double-5-8. I tried for sequences of 5 identical digits in a row but never got an answer.

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Then there was the matter of coffee ordering and coffee service
which deserves comment. I drink black coffee, and Alice has cream in hers.

To order a black coffee in Sydney, you ask (without hand gestures, please) for a long black. A coffee with cream is a flat white. Exploring this further, we found that an espresso is a short black, and a cappuccino is, rather unimaginatively, a cappuccino. Quite unexpectedly, one does not get any benefit from the request for a "topping-off," or a little more. If you want more coffee, you get a second cup, saucer and all, for another two dollars. Two aspects of the criminal case that brought us to Australia became important to us, one informative and the other provocative. Both dealt with PIHKAL, the predecessor to this book that Alice and I wrote a few years ago. The informative point was the discovery that there are censorship laws in Australia, and the provocative point was the anonymous nature of the censor. In the United States, there is a most remarkable amendment to our Constitution that protects our right to speak and write as we wish. And, although there are continuous efforts to circumvent this protection, the courts have, to a large measure, reiterated and respected it. I used to believe, along with many of my countrymen, that such rights are shared by many of the other developed nations but, in fact, the United States is virtually unique in having this concept as an operating principle. This issue became quite apparent with our publication of PIHKAL, and the encountering of some difficulties in distributing it in several countries. I knew that Nicholas Saunders had had an unpleasant interaction with the Customs people in Australia over the seizure of a shipment of his popular book, E for Ecstasy. He was told that it was not allowed to be imported due to its provocative nature. A court action would be required to contest the act of seizure, and the costs of the battle would far exceed the value of the books. In effect, this was an act of censorship. I was curious about this Australia vs. England nastiness. Some years ago a book was written about the inner workings of British intelligence, MI-5 and/or MI-6, and it was not too complimentary. It was not allowed in to be sold in England, but it was published in paperback in Australia and everyone who returned home from there to England brought back 10 copies. They were theoretically banned from importation, probably through the invocation of National Security restrictions which is a common ploy used by a country that wishes to continue looking liberal to the rest of the world. But after a very large number of copies flooded back in, the authorities said to hell with it, and the importation barrier was removed. So, there is a listing of banned books in England too. Germany is not free of these restrictions either. I had an offer from a very enthusiastic bilingual German to translate PIHKAL into German. I queried my German publisher

Who is John Jones?
friend who told me that although there would be no censorship imposed on a German edition, it would nonetheless be "indexed," and this would

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effectively keep it from the open market there.
I was told that, in Australia, PIHKAL was on some official list of

banned books, but I found that a bit hard to believe as I'd had several large
mail shipments go right through into the country. Many had been individual mailings, and maybe the return address that had been used was not the one that had been recorded with the authorities. I know that quite a bit of raw stuff (sex, pornography and terrorism; what else is there?) was easily available in Sydney, as I had snooped in the off-color portion of the basement of a large bookstore called Dymick's, not far from the children's section. There I had found illustrated photo-books on sexual mutilation, and a couple of handbooks designed for anarchists. Maybe it's the drug

theme that is of most interest to the censors. A chemist who works for the
Government (and who has appeared on numerous occasions as an expert witness in court cases) told me that when he needs to make reference to PIHKAL in court he has to add the qualifier that he has access to the book only by some special legal dispensation. The book, he tells the court, is not publicly available in Australia. Indeed? During this visit I was invited to give a short lecture to the members of a forensic society made up mostly of chemists and toxicologists from Australia and New Zealand. Initially my reception was a bit cool, quite

reasonably, as I had been invited by the defense and some of them would
certainly be providing testimony in conflict with mine. But our interaction

warmed up quickly once I started talking and, when there had developed an easy give and take, I mentioned some chemical detail out of PIHKAL. On
impulse I asked, out of curiosity, how many of them had their own copy. Most people guardedly raised their hands. In court, Madame Crown apparently had her own copy. The defense barristers also had their own

copies. The defendant had his own copy. I doubt that they all had some
official dispensation. So what is the nature of this censorship? On returning from Sydney, I mailed six copies that I had promised to new acquaintances

I had met while there, and all went off by airmail with my home return address on the cover, and each clearly marked as being a book. None returned.
The existence of some form of national censorship, in itself, did not surprise me too much. What I found much more provocative was my inability to find out what had been censored. I had to assume that the listing of the books denied entry is itself a confidential matter, constituting yet another example of censorship. And, more important, who is the

anonymous John Jones who decides what that list should contain? What
is the identity of the person who wields the power to say what can or

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TIHKAL — The Continuation
cannot be read? His beliefs and prejudices will achieve wide currency with the exercise of this power. Are these choices confirmed by some sort

of consensus? Is there a committee? Who elected them, or are they appointed? Are there guidelines that are to be followed and, if so, who wrote them and who approved them? In the case of books, are they read before being condemned, or are there key words or ideas that are the kiss of death? There are subtle pressures that can be brought to bear against the free expression of controversial ideas even in a Constitutionally defined and protected society such as ours here in the United States. Referring again to one of my favorite topics, the ongoing polemic concerning drug legalization, free speech may not be disallowed but it can be effectively discouraged. The main equation for those who would wish to limit the freedom of expression is based on a faulted application of the truth table structure. Those who are not against something must be in favor of it. There is a classical logic form called the dilemma: either a or b, not a implies b. This line of thought in its pure form applies to a logical and inanimate world without people or choice. If it is either red or blue and it is not red, then it has to be blue. No morality is involved, no sermon is delivered, and there is no hidden message. But this becomes quite distorted when applied to the real world. And the flaw comes in the division of the world into just red or blue when there are many other colors. Either you do love your wife, or you do not love your wife. No consideration is taken of the possibility that you are not married. It is with this kind of reasoning that the drug law arguments are presented. Any suggestion of softening the law is seen as the advocacy of drug use. Even the statement "the need for discussion in these areas" is condemned as being, de facto, drug advocacy. The phrase, "Harm Reduction," is equated to "Legalization." All the world is either just say "no" or just say "yes," and not "no" implies "yes." This is why the politicians feel that ever louder "no's" must be enacted into law, to assure their constituency that they are not saying "yes." One likes to think of controversy as being largely middle ground, with extreme positions representing small populations at the outer edges of the distribution. But in situations where no compromise is sought, the population is usually gathered at the two extreme positions with only a few of the middle-of-the-roaders occupying neutral ground. Two phenomena contribute to this and effectively exacerbate it. One, the more widely acknowledged, is called the hostile media effect. Even if a discussion on a controversial topic is balanced, as fairly judged by neutral evaluators, a listener from side A will tend to simply accept the presented arguments of the side he favors, but be unduly offended at the arguments favoring

Who is John Jones?

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side B, which he sees as wrong and unfair. A sees the media as presenting an argument to a large measure in favor of B; B sees the media as favoring side A. Both see the media as being unfair and prejudiced though it may be quite neutral. A second phenomenon is less widely appreciated, but is just as effective in separating people ever further from considering the poorly populated middle ground. It is the polarization effect. When an effort is made by a neutral person to temper an opinion of an A-side believer, especially in a public situation, it is seen as an attack, and A's conviction can be made even more extreme. B-sides will respond similarly. This is truly an "us against them" distribution and, without some overriding acknowledgment of a need for compromise, none can ever be found. A sizable amount of public funds is used to emphasize this dichotomy in respect to the war on drugs. There are anti-drug programs bringing police into our schools to instruct our children in the badness of drug use, and it is called education; they have their staunch advocates and their equally vigorous opponents. There are many research grants awarded from our health service institutions to search out explanations of neural damage and addiction associated with illegal drugs. This of course reinforces the public opinion that there are only negative consequences stemming from drug use. Pamphlets are available from the DEA giving public speakers clues on holding their own in public debates with people advocating drug legalization. One of the precipitating factors in the firing of Jocelyn Elders from the position of Surgeon General was her remark that we should discuss the question of drug legalization. Even though she said discuss, not promote, her comments were held as "sending the message" that drug use was OK, and she eventually had to resign her position. There is the pervasive use of the pejorative word "abuse" in association with drug use, when the drug in question is one that the speaker does not approve of. There are effective ways of constraining and limiting one's freedom of speech which lie completely outside the protection of the Bill of Rights amendments to the Constitution. If you express opinions that are not liked by your employer or, say, the Dean of your University, you may be called up to a critical panel to provide an apology or a recantation, with the threat of public condemnation or job loss if you don't. This process was honed to a fine art a few centuries ago and is known as an inquisition. Not judgment by legal powers, but judgment by societal powers. This can serve as an effective deterrent to the expression of your opinion. But back to Australia, and the matter of John Jones' identity. How can you get answers to such questions? The first of my usual approaches in this kind of exploration is through the briar patch of administrative obfuscation. Ask someone in a governmental position just who it is you

Ask in several places to start with. using the previous person contacted as an introduction to the new one. let each lead you to another. and to share with everyone his philosophy and the tenets of his operating agenda. indirectly. your search has then revealed the threads of a police state in the making. Ask writers. Again. . and the chain of introductions will in time get you your answer. and radio and TV news people. A man of John Jones' degree of empowerment deserves to be publicly known and publicly acknowledged. and newspaper investigative reporters. I would love to be able to say who John Jones really is. his source of authority. or the librarian at the Sydney Police Centre. sometimes you get somewhere. I intend to do my best to find out. He is certainly influencing his own nation and. I will try each of these processes for information gathering.364 TIHKAL — The Continuation should ask. all other nations which have diplomatic interactions with it. Try all three. If you follow such a plan for a few steps. or the Customs Service Office in Canberra. My second approach is more indirect and usually more successful. And with either approach. and his personal philosophy. and this is even a more valuable bit of information concerning a culture. Maybe the National Committee on Arts and Letters. Ask each one for the correct place to write for this information. if the answer is that the answer is not known or not to be told.

the "war on drugs?" How much benefit is there to be realized in maintaining and expanding this war? The picture is not particularly pretty." And indeed it turns out to be "Cui Bono. How much is it worth. a bomb explosion. to continue the war? What would they lose if the war were to cease? And it is not just the dollars and cents to be considered but also the power and authority to control behavior that accrue to the war and its warriors. the attention of law enforcement is always first focused on who might have been rewarded by the crime. "who benefits?" I searched in all the thesauri and classical quotations for the phrase. by telling rne." "to whose benefit?" It is instructive to apply this question to the entire "War on Drugs" scene. and I will try to do so here. The power of the . and to whom. Look about you and observe just which institutions are the most vocal in demanding that. dividends. stupid. not an industry. Then a linguistic scholar friend of mine paraphrased the 1992 Clinton political catch-phrase involving the economy. That is the heart of this chapter. imports and exports. rather than considering a stopping or even softening of the war. what is the size of the industry that is. but it must be painted. In a word. But that is the measure of a company. Such and such corporation is worth $40 billion according to its current financial records. sales. in fact. CUI BONO? (Shura's voice) When an official investigation is conducted to address a criminal event. to no avail.Cui Bono? 365 CHAPTER 24. Look at the specific way each particular institution benefits from the war. an arson fire. a homicide. any crime for which there is no apparent suspect. The measurement of the size of a corporation can be reckoned as a dollars thing. How much income is there? How many expenses? Add up profits. I'd had this concept in my mind as "Qui Bono. This is what I call the world of the bean-counters. "It's the dative. it must be continued and even exacerbated." or. The influence of the transportation industry is not measured by the gross income of a bunch of airlines. Count up the number of shares listed on the NYSE and the cost per share.

I saw a fascinating short clip on television some time ago. to pay attention to the "war" aspect of the war on drugs. Many millions of dollars a year for maintenance adds much to that hourly potato chip rate. Let me try to take its measure. with accounting claims made by the first of next month. This one little film clip brought two totally ugly facts into mind. The sales tag of $23. That would be the money out of pocket for that hour. One. The two engineers who were there saw the costs in a very different light. During a lull in conversation I asked them what they thought the cost was of operating a nuclear submarine. the Navy here is being encouraged. not all of the beans.000 an hour. thinking in terms of hour by hour. The Pentagon. wow. How much does this military involvement contribute to the drug war industry? I was sitting around the campfire last year with my Owl Club friends at the annual two-week get-together of my favorite conservative gentlemen's club group. You are out of your skulls. and on its immunity from close inspection and change. New rods must go into the reactor pile.366 TIHKAL — The Continuation communications industry is much more than the gross income of the television and radio corporations. and renew. and maybe salaries for the crew for that 60 minute period along with a pro-rata share of the necessary land- based controlling operation structure. on full duty. the Navy can not only maintain its tracking skills but also provide valuable information in the war on drugs. and new tritium must be supplied to the nuclear warheads. How extensive is its control of human behavior? This is the true measure of its power. Perhaps this estimate was from a commissary analyst. and was dismissed as only the cost of potato chips and toilet paper. perhaps required. The size of it is a measure of the power and influence it has both on Congress and public opinion. This takes expensive manpower and expensive materials. And two. Then the one physicist who was in the circle said. "Hold it. And this must be pro-rated over that entire cruise at sea while you were looking at cocaine boats. made a public release of some film footage of periscope viewings from one of its nuclear submarines. this activity is being made to appear trivial by a bean-counting manipulation that considers only some of the beans. Millions of dollars of nuclear stuff.000 was less than the lowest estimate. It had been tracking a trawler presumably carrying cocaine from a South American port towards the United States. this got a heated discussion started. considering the essential returns to port at frequent intervals to repair. with a voice-over making a claim that for a mere $23. replace. rather proudly. It showed an image of the trawler targeted by the cross-hairs. One must measure the industry's inter- actions with society and its ability to affect politics. The latter is achieved by alerting the Coast Guard as to where and when smuggling boats will reach American ports. How much money did it take to create that initial . And the war on drugs is indeed an industry. for one hour? Oh.

The last conflict of this size was the 1861 Civil War. by millions of people. forever. and the suffering and damage from it is without precedent. just having that machine is most valuable in the front line as protection against any unknown threat to our nation. Even if it is not being used. many more millions of dollars of unacknowledged obligations. a law called the Posse Comitatus Act. Then one additional comment made shambles of the entire discussion. Forgive me if I say stuff like "a few billions. The Military Component: The submarine example makes the discussion of the military a logical starting point. all of which must be pro-rated into the hourly costs of that cocaine snooper. and destroyed so many of our youth in that four year period. This was a . That transfers some of your war on drugs dollars over to National Defense. in an effort to measure the dollar size of an industry. and there is no victory in sight. put a monster cost on the operation of a submerged surveillance submarine." It is clear that no exact costs can be gotten here. After the Civil War (the first Civil War. so I won't try. The intensity and costs have been continuously increasing. and it is being fought largely within the United States. not this war on drugs).Cui Bono? 367 breeding pile of isotopically enriched uranium? Where was this done. to be protected from being destroyed by someone like the Soviet Union? Without this weapon being available and at the ready. so that it will not be a lingering poison for decades on our children's doorsteps? We are into many. It is easy to lose sight of the dollar cost of a detail. and with what. The war is being waged by a large number of unrelated interests. the spent carcass of this fiercely radioactive submarine. "How much is it worth to us. or most of the other matters discussed in this chapter. There is no accurate way to come to a final dollar total on this. It is the first full-scale instance of American citizens fighting American citizens in a battle fought on domestic soil in over a century. made where? Where were the spent rods taken? How will they be disposed of? And." Unknown billions of dollars. and that same uncertainty will apply to all efforts to measure the size of this particular "war" industry." or "lots of billions." His guess was the cost of that sub might be a million bucks an hour. in a few years. But our present war has been underway now for well over a decade. we are of an increased vulnerability to any enemy. or the War between the States. made where? How were the fuel rods moved to the site where the submarine was being made? How often were they replaced? And. again. how will we successfully hide. by whom and with what. which consumed our energies and wealth. there was passed by Congress in 1878. divided into a few decades of operation. and signed by President Rutherford Hayes.

and with Asia in the Golden Crescent and the Golden Triangle. But just such involvement is today a de facto reality. there was nothing large and obvious to justify hundreds of billions of dollars annually for Star Wars and stealth bombers. we (America) would have a multi-billion dollar contribution to the war on drugs industry. and with the subtle shift from big national antagonists to the more elusive and ephemeral uglies such as terrorists and rogue dictators. I know of one try by Congress to write such a statement into proposed drug control legislation. A very large percentage of our annual budget of over a thousand billion dollars goes to the military. Ask. The only way such action could have been rationalized under the Posse Comitatus Act would have been to declare these groups not to be part of the U. political.368 TIHKAL — The Continuation reconstruction measure designed to stay the hand of the Northern troops in seeking either revenge or influence in the restructuring of the Southern states. current registration. rather. With the loss of the Soviet Union as a major foe. by Federal law. the military cannot be legally involved. or effective economic stability. Their usual duties (safety violations.S. This law prohibited. At present. This tacit . Recent seizures of boats or vehicles under authority of the rules of civil forfeiture regulations clearly define the civil law aspect of their actions. Military. Exception is allowed only if a National Emergency is declared to address a crisis that demands control of civilians. is directly correlated to our policies on illegal drugs such as cocaine and heroin? What is the level of military cooperation. there is no such declared emergency and. A new enemy was needed. The submarine example earlier is trivial. how much of our influence and effectiveness in South and Central America. as both the Coast Guard and the National Guard have been brought in to help police our borders. any military involvement in police action or law enforcement with the civilian population. and drugs fit the bill perfectly. identification papers) have become thinly-disguised excuses for drug searching. Instead. and we must be prepared to fight them on demand. Originally their participation was justified by the understaffing of the customs and immigration services. Look at our relationships with Central America. that comes from our government's acceptance of the Mexican army's role as one of the major producers and distributors of marijuana in the Western Hemisphere? There are many suggestions of alliances between agencies such as the CIA and cocaine transport. their participation was never challenged. but in recent years the role that drugs play in defining their participation has become quite blatant. and still prohibits. but it was softened with some appended conditional words which would have provided a compromised and partial measure. and in Asia. and intelligence conspiracies were valid. If only a few of the many rumored military. We must have enemies.

or any other country the United States may wish to exert influence over) using the enforcement of drug laws (theirs or ours) as a rationalization? What about within the United States itself? Who runs. But that sham is pretty well exposed with the submarine tracking incident I mentioned above. this domestic war. airplanes). The Single Narcotics Convention Treaty was crafted and written within the United States and. never even been acknowledged? The Political Component: Similar difficulties arise in trying to determine the profit the war on drugs provides to the State Department and its strategists. that might be involved in drug transactions? What about the Army (or the Navy or the Air Force?) as the source of the planes and pilots for drug-related operations in the interior of Colombia (or Bolivia. In 1990. or insistence. This trade. Thus. or Burma. because the drug trade is an international phenomenon. has become an economic life-saver for the military budget. Always remember that. they were officially not to be considered a part of the Pentagon empire. and this entry denied to our Government. The military continues to consume an outrageous percentage of our national wealth. worth? Perhaps an idea might come from guessing how much would be lost if drug laws were repealed. allows an easy entry into foreign. as it has been signed by many of the members of the United Nations. . and the laws against it. the following of cocaine trawlers would 369 have been a throw-away hiccup on the edge of the tracking field of a high resolution spy satellite.Cui Bono? approval met the legal needs for a while and. especially marijuana growing? How can one begin to estimate the financial bookkeeping entries for items that have. the machinery for the observation and documentation of illegal crops. although they call for tactical support from the Army or Navy (helicopters. and an ever greater influence in shaping other governments' policies. or at least provides. we have had to find other threats to our nation in order to continue to maintain our declared objective of being capable of fighting two wars simultaneously. foreign or domestic. Does the Navy use taxpayers' funds for other submarines to follow traffic in and out of other ports. until very recently. clandestine operations. this entry into the politics of other countries. But with the Soviet threat now being history. to a major extent. What is this sort of influence. it has effectively provided a structure that has directed the writing of their laws. the enactment of the domestic drug laws of many of the countries around the world has been at the encouragement. our war on drugs. Our casual justification of an immense military budget used to depend upon our unquestioning acceptance of the Soviet threat to national security. of the United States.

The phenomenon is much more sinister and far-reaching than would be inferred from the newspaper headlines. nasty interactions between the authorities and the little people. and of their reasons for being and the reasons for their continuation and amplification. Oh yes. A local arrest here and a related raid there are the reminders to the public that the evils of drug use are all about us. the drug motif is frequently used to justify the profound changes that are taking place in our society. State and local) and the largely defenseless minorities. There is nothing that is intrinsically either sacred or evil in a crystal of white solid or a drop of aqueous solution. But these increasingly strong measures constitute the heart of the true threat. which mention only the ephemeral. and that we need ever stronger measures to be taken in the name of this war. However. a much more complex picture becomes apparent. and it can only be through the analysis of them. Certainly. rather. when you look between the lines of these reports from the front. There are no legions with cohorts gleaming in purple and gold and there are no bullets or bombs of righteousness. in turn. against the people who use drugs. many people who use them. not on yours" pronouncements. who gains power or wealth from these changes? To whose benefit? Cui bono? My thesis is this: The war on drugs has little to do with drugs and drug users. those people who use drugs that our legislative spokesmen disapprove of. There are no "God is on our side. drug-related events. but these us-versus-them interactions are side-shows to the actual process that is currently underway. between the police (Federal. As you read the continuous news reports from the battlefields you will realize that our nation is not making war against drugs as such but. be they dealers in dope or simply part of an unenfranchised population. specifically.370 TIHKAL — The Continuation "War on drugs" is a misleading name for this conflict." and not all drug users but. there are skirmishes. that the size and the end-goal of this threat can be determined. so drugs as such cannot be the enemy. There really is no war at all. firing round after round of bullets into stacks of gelatin capsules and glass ampules. but for all intents and purposes not even against the many. from their belief that these opinions are shared by those who might elect them back into office. neither against drugs (of course). What are the changes that are being made under the guise of the war on drugs? What are the real reasons for their being instituted? And of especially revealing importance. This disapproval stems. It is certainly obvious that the drugs are not protecting themselves by firing back or running away. That kind of title brings to mind an image of a platoon of infantrymen all lined up with loaded rifles. It perhaps should be called a "war on drug users. Drugs are not good or bad. It exists and is promoted largely as a means to accumulate .

I believe the most direct way to effect such an exploration is to look at this war as an industry. who reaps the rewards. The Prison Component: Many years ago. Better to ask who is involved. becoming another bean counter. the Gulag world. from the operation? Let me look at the several components in a broad sense. it is not two separate components working in sympathy. a single entity. This enlightened term has proven to be completely appropriate — for the complex is not two separate components working separately. the Siberian labor camps. Let me recapitulate the argument above. beginning with an attempt to estimate the size of this industry. To stop it now would prove to be very difficult. The war on drugs is a cover for these transformations.Cui Bono? 371 power in the form of money and in the gaining of control over individual citizens. that directs the economy and thus effectively defines both the domestic as well as the international image of the United States. I want to explore the nature of the beast. and I found myself making an uncomfortable connection between the recent Soviet nation and the present American one. which are only in part measurable in dollars. and it has progressed much further than most people realize. are all well documented as having been isolated dumping areas for people who . $20 billion here and $40 million there. who gets both power and control over others. President Dwight Eisenhower referred to the economic structure of our country as the military/industrial complex. Originally I had started to record big chunks of money as a measure of the size of this phenomenon. The process is well underway. indeed. and represents a dire threat to the nature of our republic. How large is it? How effectively diversified is it? How much public support does it currently have. Recently a friend of mine paraphrased this as the industrial/military/prison complex. The Stalinist prison camps. and quickly realized that I was. and how is this being increased? How much wealth have the several individuals and corporations that make up this industry already accumulated. This centralization of power will be at the cost of personal freedoms. No. and how is this power being invested in the continuation of this transformation? The war-on-drugs industry is more than a drug bust and a police raid. along with some information that will be of value to the reader. it is a single thing. The end state will be a complacent and obedient society (the terms "Police State" and "Totalitarianism" are too loaded to use casually but they are completely applicable) with no effective Constitutional rights and with a Congress which has an ineffective voice. Let me try to unravel this monster a piece at a time. and to analyze it as such.

a rough figure of some $20 billion appears to be a . were violators of laws that were political devices created solely for the cleaning up of unwanted minorities and for the effective consolidation of power. What we can do is take advantage of the fact that there has always been. over half of whom are in some way casualties of the war on drugs. or being homosexual. the promotion of a civilian propaganda campaign generating social disapproval. by protective incarceration. they are the racial minorities. Change a few of the defining criteria. We also have the statistically valid number of sociopaths. with everything done. But most were victims of a strategy designed to achieve a political goal by the designation of carefully chosen social patterns as being criminal activity. These are the killers. The Soviet Union had. defined as being in prison for the commission of crimes against the state. and there will always be.372 TIHKAL — The Continuation were not part of the desired social structure. Each person who is in prison requires a cell. Some were real criminals with proven records of sociopathic behavior that constituted a true risk to society. Our progress can be documented by the fact that over half — over half! — of our prison population consists of people who violated our drug laws. Look now at our own domestic situation. or choosing not to work at meaningful jobs. and is estimated to cost our taxpayers $30. With a nation-wide population of over a million prisoners. or acting in some way that could be interpreted as being anti-establishment. of course. Then we can shine an ever-more intense spotlight on this behavior through the escalation of laws and penalties. and we protect our society from their offenses in the generally accepted way. Estimating the costs of prisons is somewhat straightforward. We now have the world's largest per capita prison population.000 a year. and Russia is no longer in the running. medical attention and food. until recently. The crimes were speaking badly of the state. guards. destructive plague. in the name of purifying the culture and ridding our society of a vicious. a small but real percentage of our population that finds some reward from the use of drugs. or commited crimes that existed only by virtue of our drug laws. the largest per capita prison population of any industrial country in the world. The vast majority of the criminal class. and you will find a remarkable parallel between the former Soviet Union and the present United States. who might be misfits or present difficulties to the consolidation and centralization of power? For us these are not the Trotskyites and antisocial revolutionaries. in that contracts are signed and structures are built. But how have we rationalized the removal of the masses of people who are not a functional part of our society." We cannot use the excuse of lawlessness and anarchy as the rationalization for prosecution and imprisonment. the molesters. the urban gangs and "welfare parasites. the rapists and thieves deemed worthy of removal from our society.

and each of the fifty states has its own Bureau of Narcotics Enforcement empire which is also paid from public funds. exceeded the State budget for education. of course. But this is the potato chips and toilet paper cost. We cannot forget domestic law enforcement. one which started small but which is compounding at a rate of over 100% per year. This is at the Federal level. Maybe a few more tens of billions of dollars? So much money has successfully gone into lobbying by the prison interests this year. Some thousands of drug lawyers. more. How can one even guess at the economic chaos that is a direct consequence of having the bread-winner removed from his dependent family by conviction and incarceration for a drug crime? Also do remember the necessary machinery for the determination of guilt or innocence. There is the insistent pounding of the spoon against the dish by hungry Oliver. comprise a multi-billion dollar component in this industry. that the budget for prison maintenance and construction has. in California. Just in the last year there were over $2 billion in contested seizures and many more that were accepted as a fait accompli. the law-enforcement branch of our argument swells this industry by many additional billions of dollars. for the first time. Adding these into our estimate. What are the costs associated with the staffing and operating of all the Federal Courts. This is the area of criminal forfeiture and asset seizure. there are thousands of municipal narcotics task forces and marijuana search teams. the county and municipal courts. with judges and juries and bailiffs and janitors? A large percentage of this is directly or indirectly related to drug law violation and has to be reckoned into the calculation. 373 The Asset Seizure Component: Remember a rapidly growing off-shoot from this giant. and most of them charge somewhere around 200 dollars per hour. he may well leave behind a wife and two children who cannot support themselves. The nation has almost a million lawyers. And let us not forget the monstrously large legal profession. But again. more. there are dollar estimates which are difficult to make even with prisons and law enforcement. The prison building contractors are active in construction with dozens of new prisons currently being built and many more in the bidding stage. There is an ever increasing annual budget for the Federal Drug Enforcement Administration. the State courts. . And. serving many thousands of clients involved in charges of drug-related behavior.Cui Bono? good guess for this component of this industry. more. There is not enough space. many of whom are employed exclusively in drug law violation defenses. If you put a man in prison for any reason.

It is reprinted here with permission. In some cases. claims and securities. criminal or civil charges are never brought against an individual. The American people have come to fear the word 'forfeiture. boats. drug law allows the government to seize property when it is believed to have been used. law made by man. But." The following article by Joyce Rosenwald appeared in a recent issue of Media Bypass. or intended to be used. in a drug offense. are also subject to confiscation.374 TIHKAL — The Continuation Most of the states are also on the take. the most important and least publicized are the intangibles. . "The government doesn't have to actually find any drugs. It was then codified. Forfeiture: The New American Evil "Forfeiture appears to be the newest weapon in the legal arsenal of the U. privileges. Every type of property.S. real or personal. but they are without the need of accountability or auditing. and homes are the most common items subject to seizure of the tangible items.' Forfeiture is a creature of statute. It was generously given to the American people by their elected public servants in the federal congress and senate. Motor vehicles. into state law by their duly elected public servants who were placed in office to protect the inalienable rights of the people from harm.S. The money from illegal drug transactions and all property believed to have been bought with that money. These are your basic rights. Some time after the government has taken everything you own. they will bring a forfeiture lawsuit to permanently deprive the owner of his or her property. and says it more completely than I could. tangible or intangible may be subject to confiscation under forfeiture law. government unleashed upon the American people. Forfeiture can occur if the government believes the owner merely intended to use the property to commit a crime involving drugs. "The forfeiture provision of the U. Maybe add another $10 billion to the punishment-associated "lots of billions of dollars. so the volume can only be guessed at. It is used in the politically correct 'war on drugs' against every segment of society. interests.

not the driver. some of the states enacted provisions forfeiting the land and goods of those sympathetic to the Crown. This means your property. The automobile would be confiscated and sold as a deodand with the proceeds going to the family of the deceased. which is a new principle of American law. The automobile would be considered the offender. or any weapon or other object that caused the death of a human being was confiscated as a deodand. it receives the proceeds from the sale of the offending property. Forfeiture law also changed that belief. is the . when government claims to be the victim in a civil or criminal crime. Americans have also believed that in civil law. In colonial America. In early English common law. The same principle applied today would be if a death resulted from an automobile accident. under forfeiture (deodand) law. "Today. if a man fell from a tree and died. "Today 'Civil' forfeiture is termed as an 'in rem' proceeding. there must be a victim who will 375 come forward and bring charges against you. The tree was believed to be guilty of murder. Law of deodand evolved from the legal superstition that an inanimate object can itself be guilty of wrongdoing.e. Today government is the victim. with perhaps no opportunity to prove your innocence. and then sold with the proceeds going to the family of the deceased. i. Forfeiture law inverts this principle. "Actually. forfeiture is a relic of the medieval law of 'deodand'. the tree was chopped down as a deodand.Cui Bono? "The basic belief of all Americans in questions of law has always been that you are innocent until proven guilty. common law forfeiture was rare. The automobile would be forfeited. After the Revolution the Constitution restricted the use of forfeiture unless congress passed a statute (law) allowing for its special use. and without any assets to pay for your defense. they appear to have been abolished by the time of the American Revolution or shortly thereafter. an animal. "Although deodand forfeitures were common in the early American colonies. Today you are guilty. as in English deodand. During the Revolution. So. the deodand.

Distribution of the proceeds from the sale of the property may then go to the seizing agency. The innocence of the owner is of no importance. "The newly passed crime bill creates hundreds of new crimes. (U. (Department of Justice). is an in personam proceeding. 'Criminal' forfeiture on the other hand today.S. All that is necessary for prosecution is that the property was involved in a violation to which forfeiture is the penalty. due process requires that those with an interest in the property be given reasonable notice and opportunity for a hearing on the property seizure. "This does not mean that pre-seizure notice and hearing is required. court challenges have been mostly unsuccessful. "Most state and federal forfeiture statutes (laws) call for civil forfeiture." . government) the statutes (laws written by congress) may authorize use of the property by the seizing agency. and confiscation is only possible upon the conviction of the owner or user of the property. The United States Constitution prohibits confiscation of property without 'DUE PROCESS. Pre-seizure notice before confiscation of property does not always take place. (local law enforcement or Justice Department. the U. "Once property has been forfeited to the sovereign. The bill also allows for the hiring of 10. or to the sovereign's general fund.376 TIHKAL — The Continuation defendant and the burden of proof rests on the party claiming ownership. to informers. Although confiscation of property without 'Due Process' blatantly violates the United States Constitution and the Constitutions of most of the United States.000 new police officers. which as proceedings in rem (property) allows the court to take your property as the first step in confiscation proceedings.' Under forfeiture law. It would appear that along with 'the war on drugs' and 'the war on crime' your government has just declared 'War On Property Ownership in America'.S Treasury Department) who will then have the funds to hire more government agents to make it easier to start forfeiture proceeding against your neighbors or you. many falling under penalty of forfeiture.

if you are hired.. Amendment V." U. and the state of being "under the influence" is defined by blood levels.Cui Bono? Please do remember the following two quotations: "The right of the people to be secure in their persons. liberty.. Constitution. The summed total. blood or urine. to assure a sample that most closely reflects the blood level. Constitution. for evidence that his actions might be explained by drug use.. Blood was preferred. Amendment IV. as it is quickly drawn.. was amplified to apply to all drugs. thought to be driving after having been drinking. houses. One of the most pernicious and unjustified insults to the average person has been the increasingly wide-spread demand for urine tests for evidence of guilt or innocence as to the use of drugs. and you must agree to a random test at any time. that implied a decrease of work performance with the use of certain drugs. Initially it was a search of a person involved in some accident. was pronounced as the annual loss to our productivity due to drugs. ". train engineers. " U. You must provide a urine sample when you are applying for employment. $60 billion dollars. But the information was supplementary to a "field sobriety test" which carried much weight. With urine. he could be asked to provide a body fluid sample. shall not be violated . following an observation that justified a "for cause" argument.S. without due process of law . papers. All of this. if you fail your test or refuse to take a test. . and extrapolated to the total employed population of the country. adjusted for inflation. The negative correlation part of this report.S. but now widely accepted. on the other hand. The "on demand" without "due cause" urine test has quietly grown to monster proportions over the last decade.. a twenty minute waiting period is required following the emptying of the bladder. some unexpected event. procedure used by many companies. bus drivers) would not put us at risk. 377 The Industrial Component: The industrial and corporate division of this extraordinary war on drugs touches. through some erratic behavior. From this evolved an unprecedented. This was then promoted into the concept of a "drug-free workplace" through a dishonest interpretation of the findings of a well-known research institute on the East Coast. And with many of these employers. or property. If a person is. the entire civilian population. nor be deprived of life. and effects.. then expressed in dollars. against unreasonable searches and seizures. you can be fired. Then it became extended to a precautionary move to assure an increasingly propagandized public that those in positions of public service (pilots. in one way or another. The concept probably had its origins with the use of alcohol in connection with driving.

Of course. Many lives ruined. These can include unusual dietary factors. However. The purpose of a screen is. even though he is completely innocent of such behavior. this is a bonanza for the scientific equipment manufacturer. or simply a mixup of sample identities or laboratory cross-contamination. the ancient aspect of the British law that extended an individual the presumption of . That was a very destructive proposal. with the annual expenditure of about twice this amount of money.000 false positive results. primarily. the quality of these urine tests can be very low. blood. and absolutely nothing gained. But apparently no one had thought this through to its end point. As many of these require a $50. confirmatory tests by GCMS will catch some of these mistakes. to spend a few dollars to determine if an excellent but much more expensive assay known as gas chromatography mass spectroscopy would be justified. These drug-testing procedures used to be the exclusive province of the forensic chemists. misreading or misrecording of the measuring instrument.378 TIHKAL — The Continuation But. With a false positive rate of maybe 3% (quite a conservative number) about one in thirty employees will be labelled as being a drug user. some employers act directly on the results of this initial screen. Sadly. 150. sadly. President Clinton had proposed. And this error would cost all of these young people access to a driver's license. sometimes an antigen/antibody assay. These screening tests have frequent false positives. the States have one or several. and there are many in the more populated counties or cities. in the interests of economy or due to indifference. Spend ten bucks to save a couple of hundred bucks. at the cost of $50 million dollars.000 of our innocent youth immediately branded with a narcotics record. sweat or hair. There can be many reasons. erroneous responses due to prescription drugs. or confirming the presence of drugs in urine. The Federal government has a few labs across the country. who assay seized evidence for testimony in criminal law cases. without a single drug user being validly identified. and represents a rapidly growing investment in the war on drugs. The only believable value that these presumptive tests have is to exonerate the subject from the need of any further testing. future careers jeopardized. at $10 a pop and with a 3% false positive rate there would be 150.000 GCMS. The presumptive test is an inexpensive screen. but it is still alive and being actively demanded by the drug warriors. as a re-election ploy. Much would be lost. or perhaps a thin layer chromatography procedure. But in the last few years. How many of our youth have their 16th birthday in a given year? Five million? Even if every one were absolutely drug free. involving screening for drugs. an entire industry of analytical services has materialized. the urine testing of all teen-age applicants for driver's licenses. meaning that a signal is obtained that implies drug use when in fact there has been no drug exposure at all.

You are not trusted. which is a source of a dedicated effort to demonize all illicit drug use. are simply not acceptable in our republic. program called D. performed in the absence of cause. What is the loss of taxes that could accrue to the public's benefit. they both contribute hugely to the size of this industry and to the welfare of those who are benefiting from it. of a person who has just been handed a Dixie cup by his boss and told to go over there and pee into it. Another component of the war on drugs industry represents a very large and totally unguessable amount of money. "Just say no. or self-respect. there could be some measure of regulation and control and. The teen age and pre-teen age crowd is being hard hit by a propaganda campaign that can be summed up in a cute phrase. some equation could be found for a tax that would produce a reasonable return and which would still keep the black market at a modest level. There is also a second assault on our young school children by an equally ineffective. Random urine tests. as with alcohol and tobacco. Were they in the legitimate market. As an added thought in passing. These are the groups whose monopolies of legal drug sales would be the most eroded if any of the currently illegal drugs were to be made legally available. and there should be no surprise in learning that most of the economic support comes from the major legal drug providers. It is not your skill or performance that keeps you employed — it is the degree to which you hew to the dictated morality and behavior patterns suggested by your superiors. how does one measure the loss of self-esteem. The Academic Component: The two levels of our academic institutions are both severely impacted by the war on drugs and. in their very different ways.R.E. and in front of a witness yet? No urine? No job." There are television ads of the Partnership for a Drug Free America. They may not have to share this indignity. and there is the world of higher education. For them. from this vast volume of sales of illegal drugs? At the present time there is no revenue at all.Cui Bono? 379 innocence is neither in our Constitution nor in our legal statutes. but you do. There is the K to 12 school student population. In their eyes you are a second-class citizen. A regulated market in marijuana alone might be a multimillion dollar source of tax money with little increase in the volume of use over the present illicit level. drug free means illegal drug free.A. but much more insidious. There is only the 5th Amendment to the Constitution that protects our citizens from being required to testify against themselves. the alcohol and tobacco industries. or blanket urine tests. . the PDFA.

"I am a pharmacologist. are the subject of the application and. There is a generalized condemnation of all aspects of drug use even when factual information is available. He told me with much humor of his interactions with the instructor. The meta-message is that the popular illicit drugs are bad and law enforcement. In addition there are a number of socalled center grants maintained at the major Universities. the need for medical intervention in the many cases of drug dependency and addiction. This is a government funded project that brings policemen into our schools as instructors sharing factual information concerning the use of drugs. He said to the officer. Often. or illegal drugs. A small but real percentage of the youngsters are coerced into sharing information about their parents' private drug lives. There is no permission given for research to be . and the proposed topics are chosen and crafted with care. I have a good friend who went to a DARE meeting as a surrogate for his buddy whose son was in the class.380 TIHKAL — The Continuation (Drug Abuse Resistance Education). Much of the research work in the Universities is funded by grants from the Government. There are public health problems associated with the war on drugs that extend far beyond medical research in academic areas. How would you accept me at the police academy if I came as a teacher to your classes on arresting procedures and the processing of prisoners?" He told me that the policeman admitted he would probably dismiss him as being unqualified. The spread of AIDS through needle sharing. "Then how are you. abuse drugs. not unexpectedly. qualified to be a teacher of pharmacology?" He did not receive an answer. and family tragedies have resulted from subsequent police action. the shocking disregard of the families left behind when the breadwinner is thrust into prison for some trivial drug crime. He asked. the questions asked suggest that the answers which might be found could be useful in advancing the anti-drug stance. in its curtailment of all illicit drug use. The world of higher education contributes to this war on drugs in quite a different way. as a policeman. "Is MDMA neurotoxic in the salamander?' and "What are the neurotoxic changes produced by MDMA in the salamander?" This is only a small contributor to the difficult task of evaluating the size of this part of the war on drugs industry. Note the fine distinction between. is a positive factor in the promotion of social values. to set up and maintain medical and pharmacological research. is one of the major sources of support for graduate and postdoctoral research grants. There is always a keen competition for this support money. The structure of a grant application revolves about a research question which will be looked at favorably by the grant reviewers. The National Institutes of Health (NIH) through the National Institute of Drug Abuse (NIDA) and several related agencies.

in order to save it from some more heinous fate." and then say. In a few years the goal will be lost from view and the task will be impossible. it will be too late to alter our course and the fate of this nation will be sealed in concrete. a referendum to take whatever steps might be called for. To whose benefit does all of this inhumane. and obtaining. Perhaps there is a cabal of unknown people — a behind the scenes council — of a dozen or so super-egos. Perhaps some charismatic military person might emerge from behind the wizard's curtain and win national approval in demanding. Most questions along these lines are unanswered because they are not allowed to be asked. effectively suspending the remaining fragments of the Constitution. the task will be harder. If any of these irreversible events occur. but maybe a pause could be effected. and the industry that is associated with it is growing daily." and then admit that there can be no body of evidence of any size that could ever completely prove safety. Listen to the voices which say. and we will admire and celebrate our own Hitler. Perhaps it is already too late to end this pernicious war on drugs. and that would allow the inclusion of the military forces in the corralling and sequestering of any particular segments of the civilian population." Or. "We cannot use a given drug medically until it has been proven safe. "We cannot allow any legal use of some given drug until more research has been done. This would automatically institute a state of martial law. who will exploit some minor tragedy within this highly charged drug hysteria with a move to force the President to declare a national emergency. I am convinced that there will be an eventual polarization of this rush to a police state. irrational attitude accrue? Is there a person or a system that will be the eventual benefactor? Cui bono? There is a lot of power being amassed very rapidly in this war on drugs. With every month that passes. to precipitate this nation into a dictatorship. but I have no insight as to what form it will take. and have him set into action the several executive orders that are sitting at the ready on his desk. There are few acknowledged virtues. "It is not in the public interest to allow such research. to return our society to the stable and secure condition that is our national self-image. We will have ceased to be a republic. We will be the Fourth Reich. But back to the title of the chapter. and increasingly difficult to find a way of making them. The changes that are needed to avert these possibilities must be made now.Cui Bono? 381 done that might weigh the virtues against the risks of drug use. Perhaps a persuasive advisor could convince a suggestible president that he and he alone has the divine empowerment to save the country. It is becoming increasingly unpopular to suggest changes. I would like to quote yet another bit .

we hereby call for a Drug War Truce during which to engage our communities and governments in peace negotiations. and Whereas the government has resorted to unilateral military force in the Drug War without any good faith effort to negotiate a peace settlement. Article 2: No patient shall be prosecuted nor any health care professional penalized for possession or use of any mutually agreed upon medications. Courts shall allow the accused to present directly to the jury any defense based on these Rights. I received a leaflet handout with a beautifully phrased appeal for rationality and sanity in this increasingly mad race to national disaster. we now petition for redress of grievances. and explanation of motive. repudiate. as follows: Whereas any just government derives its authority from a respect of the People's rights and powers. We. Hence. Article 3: Drug policy shall henceforth protect all fundamental rights. The benefit of the doubt shall always be given to the accused and to any property or assets at risk. this from a group that calls itself "Family Council on Drug Awareness. did not declare war on our government nor do we wish to fight its Drug War. No drug regulation shall violate these rights. I feel it makes an appropriate closure to this chapter. under the following terms: Article 1: The United States shall withdraw from. as described below: 1. or amend any and all international Treaties or agreements limiting its ability to alter domestic drug policy. and Human Rights. A CALL FOR A DRUG WAR TRUCE WITH PEACE NEGOTIATIONS Preamble: No civilized nation makes war on its own citizens. the people. without exception.382 TIHKAL — The Continuation of writing. Each person retains all his inalienable Constitutional." At a recent "State of the World Forum" in San Francisco. . 2. Therefore.

government motive. The jury shall be informed of all penalties attached to any offense before deliberating a verdict. aside from drug charges involving adults only. Issues of entrapment. a drug policy based on full respect for fundamental Rights and personal responsibility. This truce sounds like a fine idea to me. 5. and our own Constitution. . including that of any government agent or informant who stands to materially gain through the disposition of a drug case or forfeited property. and official misconduct shall all be heard by the jury in any drug case. There is a lot to gain. law-abiding citizens. Article 5: No non-violent drug charges involving adults only shall be enforced or prosecuted until all parties have agreed to. No victim: no crime. Courts shall have the discretion to reduce penalties in the interest of justice. No secret witness nor paid testimony shall be permitted in court. culture. all this is simply making a restatement of the rights that have been our heritage from the Magna Carta. British common law. and implemented. Of course. and nothing to lose. Please listen. Mandatory minimum sentences undermine our system of justice. civil or criminal. 4. Article 4: We propose a Drug War Truce and call for the immediate release of all non-violent and. such as religion. The burden of proof and corroboration in all proceedings shall lie with the government. No civil asset forfeiture shall be levied against a family home or legitimate means of commercial livelihood. 3.Cui Bono? or any mitigating circumstances. Government agents who violate the law are fully accountable and shall be prosecuted accordingly. 383 or necessity.

384 TIHKAL — The Continuation Epilogue .

The question put to him was quite simple: "Are you engaging in heretical teachings along the lines of Copernicus. and anyone who uses them is a criminal and shall be imprisoned. in contradiction to the facts known and taught by the Catholic church?" He had made a promise that he would not act in violation of the faith.Galileo 385 CHAPTER 25." when this fascinating train of thought came to mind. It is written in all the texts and no recourse to . and that of the present day. I was sitting in the Owl Club orchestra pit at my music stand during an especially long pause in the dress rehearsal for the musical "Galileo. THEN The earth is the center of the universe. The stage scene was an interaction between the young Galileo and the cardinals of the Inquisition. and anyone who says otherwise is a heretic NOW All drugs that can expand consciousness are without medical or social justification. GALILEO (Shura's voice) There are interesting parallels to be drawn between the Holy Writ of 350 years ago. The authorities said: We do not need to actually look through that mysterious contraption There is no need to actually taste those mysterious compounds of yours to see what is fact and what is fiction. We know what is real and we know what is not real.

386 TIHKAL — The Continuation such artificial means is needed. To entertain such notions is contrary to nature and is to manifest the work of the devil. It has been many decades since the original pronouncement had been made that the reality as seen through these evil instruments had no merit. your moons around Jupiter. The authority as invested in the church (then) has admitted that it had been wrong. Your heresy is an affront to the church. and to God who made the earth the center of the universe and gave us the sun as our clock. The authority as invested in the government (now) has not yet made this statement. is New Age nonsense and simply an excuse to use dangerous drugs. it will. . the finding of one's way into the hidden reaches of the unconscious. How dare you claim that the earth is not the center of the universe? Your looking glass. In time. It has been almost four centuries How dare you claim that an understanding of God is to be found in a white powder? This talk of communication with the inner self. and your navigation tables prove nothing.

.50 . who need no convincing of the value of psychedelic drugs.BIOGRAPHY/SCIENCE Photograph by Jack Coddington "Most readers of this book will likely belong to that unusual set .' Daniel M. Baltimore "This book not only reveals how psychoactives can be synthesized. shock. London TRANSFORM PRESS Post Office Box 13675 Berkeley. but also how they can be extracted from so many ordinary plants that the means for psychedelic exploration can never be controlled again. not even in the congregation of true believers — who will greet this book's birthing with bafflement.. There will be others .not in the choir. The genie is out of the bottle and all the king's horses and all the king's men cannot put it back again. Loyola College. California 94712 ISBN 0-9630096-9-9 Edited by Dan Joy 52450> Cover art by Pam Engebretson Project Coordinator: Wendy Perry ISBN 0-9630096-9-9 9 780963 009692 $24. or even anger. Perrine. 14 Neal's Yard." Nicholas Saunders.