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Based on the definition by audioenglish.org, Exploitative is an adjective to further define tending to exploit or make use of. Exploit, on the other hand, as defined by dictionary.com means to utilize, especially for profit; turn to practical account, to use selfishly for one's own ends and to advance or further exploitation; promote. Here are some important issues in a relationship which suggest that the relationship is exploitative.


NOTE: This article is generalized either for those who are unmarried or married women.


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Identify when You Are in an Exploitative Relationship


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EditSteps

  1. 1
    Physical Intimacy: From the beginning when you first met, he said to you that he would like physical intimacy also known as sex. He would not hide it because he meant it. You gave in to him or willingly surrendered to him even though in the back of your mind you did not want to do so. You followed his lead because you thought it was fine.
  2. 2
    Financial Matters Exploitation: Observe the following matters to know whether the relationship is exploitative in financial aspects too.
    • He has not paid even a single time throughout the dating period. Even if he did, you had to persuade him and ask him to do so. When he did, it would be during "major events" such as Valentines' Day, your birthday (this usually do not happen because he breaks-up with you prior to your birthday) or his birthday.
    • He asks you to invest for him with Your Money.
    • He asks you to purchase everything for him from food, for his cats/dogs/pets to his desktop Mac and laptop, clothing, costly sunglasses of expensive brands and gifts for his family during Christmas.
    • You agree to almost all his requests to go for a mini-vacation with him and end up paying for them all. Make sure that you get all the rewards where you both stayed - that's the best you can do for yourself so you can apply the points towards your next break away from him - for good!
    • He asks you to pay for his monthly car payment or other expenses he has.
    • He asks for your credit/debit card and also your PIN number so he can use it towards anything he can in your absence.
    • The relationship starts to evolve more with what he wants and how much he wants you to spend on him than us. You just cannot catch a break from not paying anything or everything for him.
  3. 3
    Introduce you too soon to his family and friends: When he introduces you too soon to his friends and family, this should be an alert for you because usually a man is very methodical to introduce a woman too soon unless his biological clock is ticking and he is being exceptionally desperate or obsess. Understandably so if he has declared his intent for you both to be exclusive and that you both are together close to 6 months or more. But, if he introduces you so suddenly within a week or a month when you have not given the chance to know more of who he is, etc. When he does this, he wants you to think he is serious with you. No matter how hot the sex is between the two of you and how insanely handsome he is, you must not be clouded by this particular action.
  4. 4
    Guilt-Trip: He constantly makes you feel guilty if you do not comply or "obey" to his wants and needs. For example, he acts as if he knows it all and should things did not work-out, he will say, “I told you so. You should listen to me more often."
  5. 5
    Major Purchase(s) Decisions: Refer to financial matters step above. He made a major purchase for e.g. automotive purchase or a home to give you an impression that you both are exclusive and that the purchase is for both of you. Even if he used his own credit to attain it, there is no thorough discussion between the two of you. A balanced relationship requires two people to sit down and discuss with each other.
  6. 6
    Losing The Identity: Sooner or later, you realized that his exploits diminish your personality and individuality. You are no longer happy and cheerful self which you usually are. As much as you look forward to see him and spend time together, you are dreading it more and more. You become the person who you are not and you begin to be withdrawn from the outside world. You neglect your other loved ones such as your family especially your children and employment because he is your priority when he should not be. Your family and friends deserve to share you in their lives. You lost all self-respect for who you are! You start feeling that You are worth it! Every single bit of it!
  7. 7
    Mental, Emotional, Verbal and Physical Abuse: Because of your blinded love for him, everything he does and says becomes every endearing to you. You neglect to take notice of his mental, emotional and eventually physical abuse by him. For example, he managed to brainwash you to believe everything he said that you push aside your priorities such as your family, friends and work. He keeps chiding and criticizing every move you make because it is not according to what he desires you to be. He rarely compliments how you look and he will carelessly said, "I would like to date someone else - how do you feel about that?" When you confided in him about your problem such as a tough day/week at work, he refuses to listen to what you have to say and even he did, he will focus back on himself on how hard his life has been. Finally, when you decided not to give in to him with what he wants, he will start yelling at you and calling you names, eventually, physically abusing you. Please do not let the physical abuse to occur. Once you have established the emotional and mental abuse, immediately seek the help to get out of the abusive relationship before you get hurt.
  8. 8
    Financial Damage: Even though he has his own financial means to obtain stuff either for both of your benefits or his own (chances are his own benefit), he will not hesitate to ask you to provide him financially. Refer to step describing financial exploitation and major purchase decisions. Because of your belief in him and that the relationship might work and especially your "never ending love" for him, you will do whatever it takes to make "sacrifice" for the relationship. You become irrational and ended up using all your funds from your retirement funds to your savings and everything financially he can convince you to. Worst of all, you borrowed money from your friends and family to support his "idealism of a perfect relationship". Seek immediate professional help in the case of financial losses before it gets too late. Do not commit anything illegal which will jeopardize you in it entirely. Such relationship is not worth it!
  9. 9
    Intimacy diminishes: Until he gets what he wants whatever that will be, he takes power over you by limiting the sexual intimacy which normal relationship requires. He controls that aspect of your relationship to ensure that he will get what he wants.
  10. 10
    Constant Mood Swings: Men and women have mood swings. In this case, he changes his moods daily. Even if you spent 3 days in a week with him, when you both made plans (usually he will make the plans), he will change it. For example, he plans on going camping for the weekend and when weekend comes along, he said he rather you both go to the movies. Another example is his feelings for you. One day he will express his undying love for you and wants to be married (even though he repeatedly said he does not want commitment) but the next day, he said he wants to date other people and said everything to hurt you. In the presence of his family and friends, he will be extremely charming and very loving towards you. Behind them, he will not show any affection at all and will repeatedly say that you both are friends. These mood changes will be more apparent and escalated throughout the relationship when he does not get his way - whatever that he wants at the time in his agenda.
  11. 11
    Jealousy. This is a common factor in any relationship but this is also a good sign of this.

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EditTips

  • There are two sides to every story. You must own up to your own mistakes as well; however, not to an extent where your mind and soul is being manipulated.
  • Every relationship has solutions to every problem. So, please try and learn to keep an open communication in your relationship OR better yet seek professional help for counseling for the two of you.
  • Be level headed, tactful and calm when trying to confront him to express your feelings to him.
  • Choose the right time to talk about your concerns.
  • Try to find a balance in your relationship. Everything is not to its extreme but with moderation.

EditWarnings

  • DO NOT RISK YOUR OWN LIFE.
  • Always have your cell phone and car keys close to you.
  • Advise your family and friends where you will be that day.
  • When the situation gets tense, learn to calmly step back or walkaway from the source so you will not get hurt physically. However, if he gets too volatile, try to remain calm and call for help.

Article Info

Categories: Title | Format | Relationships | Dating

Recent edits by: Laura, RG Dhruv Parikh, Zach

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