Edit Article

  • 18,841 views

  • 16 Editors

  • Edited

Four Parts:Be Prepared MentallyPut yourself out thereApproachAfter you approach

You see an attractive girl in public or, any place really, so what do you do? Do you peek at her several times or fantasize about having sex with her or about having her as your girlfriend.


The next moment you see her, she is gone and so is your fantasy....... Oh well, life goes on, right? This may have happened to you several times. Did you ever ask yourself What if she is the one?. Next time go and talk to her!



Ad

EditPart 1 of 4: Be Prepared Mentally

  1. 4056285 1.jpg
    1
    Be prepared mentally. Cold approaching is not quite a common method to meet girls to get dates or have sex with them, along with that not many people are comfortable with strangers so there is a good possibility of getting rejected. The rejection can be painful and may be embarrassing which may be nonsense and illogical, however if done properly you will realize this is one of the best ways to meet girls and have a relationship or sex with them. So keep some things in mind before you go out.
    Ad
  2. 2
    Be confident. Its very important that you are confident. Confidence not only is attractive but also gives you courage to approach and carry out a conversation with a girl you just met. Of course its easier said than done but practicing cold approach several times on a regular basis helps build confidence.
  3. 3
    Try to not let rejection phase you. There's going to be rejections and this may cause you to feel pain, depression and other negative feelings, which is extremely irrational and illogical. You may perceive it negatively, but think of it this way: there are 3.5 billion girls in this world and if a few of them reject you, does it mean that there is no one who would like you for who you are? Is this the end of the world? Believe that you deserve the person you're approaching.
  4. 4
    Don't worry about what people think will think of you. Yes, it's a cliche, but very true. There will always be people who would dislike you and what you do. If you believed that what they think is true, you are shooting yourself in the foot and doing a huge disservice to yourself. It matters only if you think it matters.
  5. 5
    Keep the benefits in mind. This is a method which is out of the norm and could be scary. That’s one of the reasons the benefits are great and awesome.
    • It helps overcome fear which gives you a deep inner confidence.
    • It helps in public speaking.
  6. 6
    Get a girlfriend, wife or sex buddy. Remember What if she is the one? Decide on the level of commitment you want.
    • It helps fix anxiety. if you are suffering from anxiety this is a very effective method to fix it. It’s like "Exposure Therapy", as Psychologists say.
    • You get to meet a new person.
  7. 7
    Think logically and be deeply truthful.
    • There is a high possibility that you may ruminate about illogical and irrational things just before the approach like "what if she curses at me?" Yes, they are illogical and nonsense because you can't read her mind!
    • The truth is you don't know how she might react when you approach her. You must be willing to take risks.
    • Don't feed yourself false stories and lies. What's the worst that could happen? She could say "No". What's the best that could happen? She could become your wife, sex buddy or girlfriend!
    • Do it for the 'Greatest perhaps'. It means even if the possibility of achieving something is 0.001%, isn't that worth to go for it?
  8. 4056285 2.jpg
    8
    Keep the benefits in mind. Fundamentally, you are trying to talk to a girl you are attracted to.
  9. 9
    Be comfortable in your own skin if you want it to work in the long run.
    • When you approach a girl don't pretend to be something you are not, infact push your personality to 150 percent while talking to a girl.
    • It means who you are; your qualities, your negative traits, etc. Embrace them.
    • If you have a weird laugh or whatever it is that you don't feel comfortable about, embrace it instead of feeling embarrassed about it.
    • There will always be girls out there who will like you for who you are.
    • You may get rejected but if you want to meet that one girl or someone to have sex with, then this is something which will help you in the long run.
      4056285 3.jpg
  10. 10
    Above all, have fun! and remember that's the most important thing!
    • Ask yourself, how can I make this fun? What things do I like? What do I find funny?
      4056285 4.jpg

EditPart 2 of 4: Put yourself out there

  1. 4056285 5.jpg
    1
    Put yourself out there. Go to places where there is a high probability to find girls. Some good places to go are:
    • Universities: Universities are a very good place to look for girls. The best thing about these places is that you can find a lot of girls walking around plus they are quite friendly as compared to girls you meet on the streets for the obvious reasons.
    • Shopping Malls: Lots of people in malls will be in a fun mood. It's another good place to meet girls.
    • Busy Boulevards: Where there are a lot of restaurants and shops or shopping areas.
      • Any busy place in a city.
    • Beaches: Most people go to beaches for fun, especially girls!
    • Libraries: Although these places are usually quite but if you are a little careful then you can approach a girl and also have a decent conversation.
    • Any safe or public place: There is the possibility of finding girls at concerts, city streets with people, public parks parks, museums, etc.
    • Bars and clubs: These are high energy environments but also are places where you can get quick results as you can find plenty of women here.
    • Be prepared to face the loud music or tipsy women. In addition, increasing your energy level at these places helps a lot.

EditPart 3 of 4: Approach

  1. 1
    When you see a girl you find attractive just go for it.
  2. 2
    Now you are out and can see girls, so don't waste time thinking stupid things or ruminating. Delay is only going to make it worse and there is a good possibility that you may end up beating yourself up in a negative way and most likely give up.
  3. 3
    When you see a girl you want to talk to, approach her confidently without wasting time.
    • Keep in mind, if you approach her in a nervous manner it’s going to make you look unattractive.
    • Of course try not to be afraid of getting rejected.
  4. 4056285 6.jpg
    4
    These ideas may come handy to overcome the initial approach anxiety:
    • Challenge yourself. One way to approach a girl is by challenging yourself right on the spot. For example saying yourself things like 'I challenge you to go and talk to that girl..'. It helps as people push themselves even harder when they are given a challenge.
  5. 5
    Reward yourself!
    • Give yourself a reward if you complete the challenge.
    • Reward yourself for genuinely trying.
    • Think about rewarding yourself for even trying, like saying to yourself, 'I will buy myself a pizza if I go and talk to that girl'.
  6. 6
    Think logically. Don't feed yourself lies.
  7. 7
    Reinforcements. Things like "if I didn't approach the girl and have a conversation with her I will drop a $50 bill on the ground". Read Reinforcement for more details.

EditPart 4 of 4: After you approach

  1. 1
    Start with a genuine compliment.
    • After approaching say something like 'Hi, You look cute and I had to talk to you' or 'You are adorable’ or ‘you look pretty' or 'I like your style' or anything to complement her genuinely.
  2. 2
    Don't beat around the bush but be clear with your intentions right away.
    • This can save you from getting into the "let's just be friends zone" and keep you out of pain in the long run.
    • Along with that it’s also a great way to ease the conversation.
      4056285 7.jpg
  3. 3
    Be curious and talk to her in the same way you would talk to a new or old friend.
  4. 4
    Keep the way you talk as normal as possible.
    • Realize and understand your body language, your voice intensity and demeanor etc,
  5. 5
    Think a little deeper. She may be a random stranger, but if she is a normal 'Human Being' then she very likely hangs out with her friends, has hobbies, works, studies, has a life story, family, music, movies, has other interests, etc.
  6. 4056285 8.jpg
    6
    These things may be good enough to make you feel curious about her. In addition if you express your curiosity genuinely, not only it would make her feel special but also would help reduce your 'self-made' awkwardness of the situation.
  7. 7
    Maintain eye contact.
    • It not only conveys that you are a confident person but also helps you build attraction with the girl.
    • Don't beam at her breast every now and then; it may come across as creepy and might reduce your chances.
      4056285 9.jpg
  8. 8
    Smile. Smiling is a very good way to express that you are a friendly person. It also helps defuse the tension of a cold approach.
  9. 9
    If she is smiling back in a normal way then that's a good sign. However if she is smiling back in an uncomfortable way or not smiling at all, that's a cue for you to do something to make her feel comfortable, like shake her hand, become more polite, keep a good distance from her, ask her something to divert her mind, say something funny. You get the idea.
    • Basically, do things that would make her feel comfortable in the situation.
      4056285 10.jpg
    • If she still gives signs she is uncomfortable such as looking around, giving you one-word, short answers, then it’s good that you just go approach another girl.
    • However if she smiles back, and seems interested on the basis of eye contact, feeling comfortable, talking normally, et cetera, that’s a cue that she may be interested.
  10. 10
    Have normal, fun conversation.
    • Try to talk to her in the same way how you would talk to a friend but with more energy (as she is a stranger).
    • Of course use common sense. Talking to a friend does not mean you start swearing unnecessarily or be grouchy.
    • If you have a vulgar or sexual sense of humor then express it, but if she does not like it there is a good chance that she is not going to be compatible with you in the long run.
      4056285 11.jpg
  11. 11
    Ask her about her interests like ‘what do you do for fun?’ Say things like ‘I am assuming that you are a person who is into art’, or ‘You know I just noticed something about you'. Be prepared to answer the questions she has though. Keep her curious about yourself too.
    • Be interesting. Remember you are there to talk to her and not to interview her.
  12. 12
    Asking normal questions is fine but it doesn't evoke much interest and you will end up fluttering. Here are a few things you can do to to keep the conversation interesting.
    • Make statements instead of asking questions. Instead of asking boring interview questions, say something like "I'm gonna take a wild guess that you are into horse riding....."
    • Use "us" mentality. This can be powerful conversation tool if you used it right. It means make conversation about 'both' instead of 'You' and 'I'.
    • For example, if you say, 'So you don't think you like horse-riding? You know what, we should ride a horse together this weekend. You can be the jockey and I will sit behind you'. It may seem like a flirtatious statement, but in her subconscious she is imagining it.
  13. 13
    Role-play. Put both of you in a scenario. "So you like Italian food? We should go to Venice, Italy this week and ride those boats in the canal, then get some spaghetti ". The more ridiculous and funny it is, the better.
  14. 14
    Always Lead. Always be leading the interaction, women like a guy who can lead. Don't ask for permission, just say. For example "There is a good tea place a block from here, Lets go there". Don't be afraid to be wrong.
  15. 15
    Keep the conversation going. One of the biggest problem is that guys run out of things to say and the conversation goes cold. To overcome this problem try the following ideas.
    • Blabber. Utter nonsense things. This is something which would get you in the mood of talking so blabber whatever comes into your mind. For example "you hair reminds me of my grandma", 'have you heard of, one in the stink and two in the pink?' (that one might offend her though), 'last name ever, first name greatest', 'Your boobs, my face....makes sense?' etc.
    • Just think of non-sense things which match your personality. This will help you a lot in reducing your fear of running out of things to say.
  16. 16
    Polarize. Elaborating the step 'pushing your personalty 150%'. Always sub-communicate that you gonna call on her nonsense, if she is wrong, but of course in a playful teasing way. Don't supplicate to her just because she is hot or cute. For example, if she says she likes teddy bears, then don't say "Me too" when you don't.
  17. 4056285 12.jpg
    17
    Keep the universal principle in mind to Always make the other person feel important and do it sincerely and genuinely- Dale Carnegie. This applies to all normal people, and it doesn't matter how you do it as long as its genuine and sincere.
  18. 18
    Be a good listener. This is a very effective way to attract a girl.
    • Listen to her and ask question regarding what she is saying to give her acknowledgment that you are listening. This would help you a lot in the future too, as you would have something to talk about in the future, where you can continue the conversation, as well as get to know her better. Not many people are good listeners so try to be one. And remember that no one likes somebody that only talks about themselves. It's boring and makes the other person feel you don't care about them.
    • Compliment her genuinely. What made you feel attracted to her in the first place? Her face, eyes, body, her style etc? Tell her that. Don’t make it up! Girls are very good at detecting lies.
  19. 19
    Ask interesting questions, statements and say some funny anecdotes.
    • It not only tells her that you are interested in her but also helps keep the conversation fun. For example ‘Do you always talk to random guys like me or am I just a lucky one?’, 'Do you wanna come to my place and play telephone? I got the string and you got the cans' etc.
    • Make sure that what you say matches your personality. If you have a clean sense of humor than definitely telling a story like that is not going to work because you are faking it and pretending to be something you are not.
    • Say something interesting which happened to you or did in past few days.
  20. 20
    Get her phone number. If the conversation is going well, ask for her phone number and call her later! For example, say something like ‘You seem like someone I would like to get to know better. How about we exchange numbers and talk sometime later?’.
  21. 4056285 13.jpg
    21
    Don’t be needy; there is no way it’s going to help you get a future meeting or date. Instead it will do the opposite, and it may blow your chances since most girls find neediness gross and unattractive.
  22. 22
    Ask her on an "instant date" or make plans for the future.
    • If the conversation is going well and you're both having fun then ask her out for a coffee.
    • If she agrees, use apps like Yelp or Google maps to look for places like coffee shops, bars, etc.
  23. 23
    Call or text her within the next day of meeting her.
    • This is very important because the more you delay contacting her, the more likely she's going to forget who you are and it would lower your chances for the next meetup.
      4056285 14.jpg
    Ad

We could really use your help!

Can you tell us about
finding money?
Yes I can
finding money
how to find money in different places
Can you tell us about
drywall?
Yes I can
drywall
how to tape and float drywall
Can you tell us about
annoying your parents?
Yes I can
annoying your parents
how to annoy your parents in different ways
Can you tell us about
wakeskating?
Yes I can
wakeskating
how to wakeskate
Thanks for helping! Please tell us everything you know about
...
Tell us everything you know here. Remember, more detail is better.
Tips
Provide Details.
Please be as detailed as possible in your explanation. Don't worry about formatting! We'll take care of it. For example:
Don't say: Eat more fats.
Do say: Add fats with some nutritional value to the foods you already eat. Try olive oil, butter, avocado, and mayonnaise.
Submit

EditTips

  • Most girls find neediness gross and unattractive.
  • Say anything which you find genuinely funny.
  • Dress properly and smell good. The way you smell and dress is very important when it comes to attracting girls. Always dress and smell as if you are going out to meet that "one girl".
  • Get into god mode to dissolve approach anxiety. Read Make Out with a Random Girl for more.

EditRelated wikiHows

How to
Approach a Girl in Public

How to
Pick Up a Girl

How to
Make Out with a Random Girl

How to
Hook Up with a Girl

Article Info

Categories: Social Interactions | Dating

Recent edits by: Basil, Deborah Debrish, Robbie Lee- ''★ Actor''

In other languages:

Italiano: Come Conoscere una Ragazza Sconosciuta con l’Approccio a Freddo, Português: Como Abordar uma Garota Desconhecida

Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 18,841 times.

Did this article help you?
Yes No

Become
an Author!

Write an Article