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Flattering as being asked out on a date can be, there are often reasons why it's necessary to refuse. Perhaps you aren't attracted to the person in a romantic way. Maybe you are already in a serious relationship. Or it could be that it's just impossible for you to commit to a particular day. See the following suggestions on how to refuse the offer gracefully.

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Steps

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    Thank the asker. It's likely taken a certain amount of courage for this person to take the initiative and ask you. Take it as a compliment. Show that you appreciate them for thinking of you by doing this after the offer has been made. If you genuinely feel really flattered by what they've said, incorporate this into your dialogue. It'll soften the blow.
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    Be Honest. Though you want to tell the person no, this can easily be done without being rude. It's possible to be honest and tactful at the same time. If you're in a relationship you could say something along the line's of "that's really nice of you, but I'm afraid I'm already seeing someone." or "I appreciate you asking me, but I'm afraid I'm doing something else that day." Even "I'm sorry, but I'm afraid I just don't think of you in that way," is likely to hurt the person's feelings less than resorting to abrupt comments such as "No way!"
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    If appropriate, suggest an alternative time. If you are genuinely interested in this person but can't make the date/time they suggested, they are bound to really appreciate this. It'll show them that you aren't rejecting them, just the request.
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    Avoid procrastinating if possible. If you know straight off that you don't want to or can't go on the date it's fairer to both yourself and the other person if you tell them right away to avoid wasting your time and theirs - unless the person has truly caught you at a very awkward moment.
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Tips

  • If after attempting these steps the person starts to behave towards you in a rude or aggressive manner, it might be best to walk away from him/her.
  • If you're not interested in the person, it might be best to be polite, but impersonal at the same time. If you're too friendly, they might take it as a sign of hope that you'll change your mind. If the request has been made over the phone, rather than face-to-face, this is likely to be easier.
  • If you're interested in the person, indicate this by giving them a warm smile while looking them in the eyes as they speak to you. Alternatively, if the request has been made over the phone, using a warm friendly tone of voice is advisable.

Warnings

  • It's possible this person's feelings could still be hurt. Rejection is not something that everyone finds easy to handle.
  • Some people have a very tough time taking no for an answer. Even if it's a respectful no.
  • If you really can't find it in yourself to be graceful, this article probably isn't for you at this stage.

Related wikiHows

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Sources and Citations

Article Info

Categories: Dating

In other languages:

Español: Cómo rechazar una cita sin ser descortés, Português: Como Recusar um Convite Para um Encontro Educadamente

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