Perhaps there is no other time than the holidays that exhibits such dichotomy in the way things should be and the way things really are. The season signals a shared ritual of giving and goodwill in its jovial music, decorations and opportunities to give back. Yet, it’s also the time of year that pushes us to finally see a therapist. What accounts for this gigantic division?

I’d say there are a lot of external situations that makes it understandable. But what’s going on outside isn’t to blame. I know a lot of people who don’t get swept up into the holiday chaos. The secret is in their awareness that stress is a choice.

As you’re shopping for the perfect present or struggling to get along with your in-laws, know you have a choice. How much of your self-esteem is wrapped up in what you’re doing? How much are guilt and resentment the result of you not putting yourself as a priority amidst the busy-ness of the season?

As you read our top posts this week, consider how much of your energy is being spent on things you truly want and need to do versus the shoulds that are making you miserable. You’ll discover that calming down your inner critic, being more positive, and self-compassionate are the true merry-making gifts of the season.

The holidays offer us the greatest opportunity to either relish in goodness and hope or to deplete ourselves in envy and disappointment. The difference is our perception of what’s going in our lives. Do we indulge in the drama of a situation or do we settle our eyes on something brighter and better for our well-being?

It took many painful years of hitting my head against the wall and loved ones telling me to stop, before I got it. I voluntarily used up all my skills, energy and passion towards trying to change those who didn’t want to change. This year, I’m redirecting that energy in a workshop to teach those who actually want my help.

Similarly you may be grappling with your inner holiday demons. Maybe it’s all those difficult to resist temptations? Or instead of Christmas trees maybe the only green you’re seeing is the money you’ve spent or going to spend, or the envy you feel for those who seem to be fairing better than you.

The greatest gift you can give others, however, is giving to yourself. I’m not talking material things, though those can be rewarding at times. I’m talking about the gift of forgiveness, presence, self-compassion, self-growth and love.

This week, unwrap these gifts in our posts. If you just read them, it will spark a desire for change. If you begin to flirt with them, trying on a few changes here and there, by next year, who knows? You may become a happier, healthier, calmer, and more mindful version of you.

“If you think you’re enlightened, go spend a week with your family.”
~Ram Dass

Can you believe it’s already December? With just a month left in 2014, I bet you’re feeling pretty pressured and stressed right now. Yet, there is a way to transform this emotionally laden and financially distressing time into another opportunity for self-growth.

Bestselling author Elizabeth Gilbert spoke at Oprah’s The Life You Want Weekend Tour describing relatives who push your buttons as “the greatest spiritual teachers of your life.” She says stressful family gatherings can be “a teachable moment,” if you take the time to ask yourself the following questions: “What am I being asked to learn here? Patience? Dignity? Boundaries? Generosity? Compassion?” 

If you’re juggling the perfect present with perfect presence this holiday, try searching for the lesson in the chaos. My husband and I have a secret tactic for dealing with insensitive relatives-we use the otherwise hurtful experience as a laughing moment or a reminder not to take life so seriously. You could similarly search for meaning behind your uncle’s criticisms, your mother’s lack of compassion or your own bah humbug mood. It may just be an opportunity to practice more self-compassion, patience or forgiveness this season.

Need more reason to rejoice despite difficulty? This week you’ll derive hope from studies that show a positive side of depression as well as get information on things you can do to soothe an anxious child, and learn how to flex your self-discipline muscle.

While none of us would voluntarily sign up for hardship, there is light at the end of the tunnel. Just like the holidays, the storm will not only pass, but may leave behind an unexpected rainbow.

“The greatest thing is to give thanks for everything. He who has learns this knows what it means to live.” - Albert Schweitzer

As I’m writing this, it’s Thanksgiving. I’m fortunate that I don’t have to baste the turkey or prepare the house for a large party. We’re visiting others who are taking care of that this year.

I’m grateful for more than that, however.

I’m not just grateful for the obvious things-the fact that I have a roof over my head, family nearby, a full belly and a career that I love.

I’m grateful for everything.

I’m appreciative of the uncertainty in the future and the challenges of my past because they are responsible for the depth, character and humility of my present.

In fact, there is a long list of people, events and things that never make it to the gratitude list. For Thanksgiving, I’m saluting them. I’m grateful for…

1. Illness because it’s given me an increased awareness and compassion for others.

2. Loss for what it’s taught me about the things that truly matter in my life.

3. Conflict for helping me to understand myself and others.

You can add to your own list with the topics from this week’s posts. It’s all the things you might not have considered when pondering what you have to be grateful for, but are equally worthy of your attention and appreciation. Happy Belated Thanksgiving!

In a few days, it will be Thanksgiving here in the US. The irony is that while many of us are gearing up for this day of gratitude, we’re probably not feeling it. Prepping turkeys, and getting ready for Black Friday and the litany of holidays that come with forced family gatherings often equates to more moments of grumbling and thanklessness than anything else. But if you’re bemoaning your current situation and are on the verge of giving into unhealthy habits to feed your hurt, vulnerable and exhausted self, stop.

Fuel yourself with this instead.

I attended Oprah’s The Life You Want weekend in San Jose recently. During the show, she said, “The single best way to change your vibration (e.g. sadness, anger or fear) is by being grateful.”

Being forced to feel grateful when you’re suffering loss or enduring severe illness may not be the right thing for you. It might make you angry. It might make you feel misunderstood or unheard. But if you can shift your attention from the drama in your life to what really matters-your breath, the roof over your head, the people you truly want to spend time with-you might experience a subtle, but life changing shift.

This week take a pause between basting that turkey to learn how to become emotionally strong, identify narcissism, and Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder. And then scroll down to watch a video on how simply telling someone how grateful you are for them (or just watch others doing so) can completely overturn your mood and ultimately your life.

How to Get Through a Difficult Situation

When you’re fumbling your way through a challenging experience, there are multiple roads you can take. Some courses are hazardous and dangerous. Others will bring you toward a greater sense of meaning and healing. Therapy, meditation, and medication for example could be part of the latter. Connection is another important route that can lift you from a feeling of isolation and being misunderstood to reminding you that you’re not alone.

Finding your tribe, whether it be a group of supportive friends, or a support group (online ones like these and alternative ones) can be the difference between sinking and soaring.

While sometimes the best thing we can do to remedy a situation is to spend time alone, other times we need the shoulder of a caring person to help us cope. If you’re grieving over a loss, need help with helping your child, or searching for advice on relationships or cultivating more meaning in your life, these top posts will help you get started. For an added bonus, use them to start a conversation with loved ones to foster more connection in your own life.

{Photo from here.}

As colder, wetter — and for many, snowier — weather falls upon us, it’s tempting to snuggle up inside with a good book and maybe even some hot chocolate (yes, already!).

Well, we definitely don’t discourage reading here at Psych Central! Consider adding these five top posts to your list this week.

As the seasons change and the holidays approach, some spotlights are shone on certain mental health factors. We might feel more stressed (and this isn’t isolated to adults!) or dealing with mental illness might become more of a challenge.

Our bloggers tackle those topics and more in today’s Best of Our Blogs.

Today’s Best of Our Blogs is all about me you!

Over the past few days, our bloggers have been hard at it explaining how to spiritually nourish yourself, what not to do when dealing with heartbreak, and even when and why to be stubborn.

Do you know why you should dedicate time to spiritual growth? How being stubborn can actually help you love yourself more? What about your emotional intelligence — where do you stand on that scale?

Ever wonder how to really break up with someone in the digital age? What about chronic manipulation, i.e. how you can stop the manipulation cycle?

Oh, and do you understand emotional integrity and how to establish it?

Our bloggers answer these questions and more in today’s Best of Our Blogs.

Robert Couse-Baker | CC

The end of Halloween sets off the beginning of the holiday season.

‘Tis the season for celebration, festivities and good cheer right? Well, not for all.

For some, the dark weather outside forecasts inner gloom as well. Those that suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder or SAD, for example, need to weather the storm inside as well as out. A lack of sunlight can trigger symptoms of mild and severe depression.

Others are anxious about what the holidays signify-an increase in time spent on things you can’t afford, temptations you can’t afford to indulge in, and people you’d rather be with.

How do we continue to stay on the road of good health and well-being despite these challenges?

It takes courage, work and forgiveness to keep on the path of peace, wellness and wholeness. Changing your thoughts from negative to positive, being mindful of your intentions (at work and elsewhere) and believing you are worthy of good things in your life are admirable and significant steps you can take to weather any storm you encounter this and every season.

{Photo from here.}

Today is Halloween.

Why is this dark holiday so popular with adults, not just kids?

I think dressing up offers the opportunity to: 1) shed our seriousness for the night by being someone else 2) wear our shadows on our sleeves and 3) make fun of what scares us.

Someone who is shy, quiet and anxious can, for example, play the role of a bold, gregarious character.

A people-pleaser may be an evil villain.

A perfectionist who is always in control can make fun of herself in a silly costume.

Playing someone else for the night gives us a chance to remove our masks and display the parts of us we don’t normally want people to see.

If you feel like an outcast because you feel deficient in some way, Halloween offers the chance to be something weird, terrifying or humorous and feel accepted, even admired for it.

Whether you celebrate Halloween or not, I hope you’ll take the time to embrace your inner Lady Gaga and accept those dark shadows, characteristics, and difficulties that you often try to hide. For those filled with self-doubt, shame, or are burnout, accept our mixed bag of top posts as our sweet treat to you. Happy Halloween!

{Photo from here.}