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How to Deal With Bullying when Authority Figures Are Unsupportive
Bullying is a complex issue, and no one yet knows a perfect way to make it go away. That being said, one thing that definitely makes things worse is when those in positions of authority at your school, college,or workplace do nothing to stop the bullying, or worse, blame the bullying on you. This article will hopefully give you ideas on ways to deal with this difficult situation.
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Steps
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1Realize that bullying is not the fault of the victim. No one actually chooses to be bullied, and those who are bullied are often bullied due to minority status (e.g. being LGBT, a religious or ethnic minority). Recognize that despite people telling you it is all your fault that it isn't. The real problem is always with the people who choose to bully.Ad -
2Realize that bullying requires more than just a bully and a victim, it also requires bystanders, including students, educators and administrators. Bullying is a social phenomenon and occurs where it is allowed to flourish and when people choose not to or do not intervene. Since it's bigger than just you or the bully, don't feel discouraged when it's difficult for you to deal with alone. -
3Understand that not all authority figures are competent enough or have adequate integrity to deal with bullying. There are different reasons behind why some authority figures cannot or will not deal with bullying under their charge. They might be poorly advised, unable to grasp all the facts, biased, stubborn, incompetent or caught between different authority figures demanding that they act in a certain way. None of these reasons are justification for protecting bullies and allowing bullying to continue unabated.- You may come across a situation where the authority figure (a boss, a principal, etc.) thinks that bullying is part of a "learning experience" or is "just a joke". This line of reasoning is a totally inaccurate take on bullying and is not a reason for letting the authority figure get away with doing nothing. For example, a principal might say "Oh the boys were just being boys, the fight started as a joke but then it went too far". In this case, the principal is condoning the initial violence by saying the fighting started as a joke; in reality, no fighting should be condoned at all in a school environment, and such bullying is wrong from the outset. Be mindful of such brush-off techniques.
- Be conscious of authority figures whose own biases cause them to turn a blind eye. If the authority figure is anti a certain group or type of person, then any bullying toward such persons might be dismissed and not followed up. In particular, this is commonplace for LGBT persons in school environments according to a Yale University study that found that 40 percent more LGBT teens are likely to be punished over other teens by school authorities, police and courts.[1]
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4Find alternative avenues to deal with the bullying where there is seeming disinterest in tackling it through the usual authority. If a teacher seems to be turning a blind eye, take it up with the principal. If the principal seems reticent, raise the matter with the school board. Failing these, discuss it with parents or other students to see if a coalition or group can be formed to place pressure on those in authority. In talking with others, you may be surprised to learn that the experiences you're going through are commonplace but unspoken because others found the same lack of support as you.- Does your school or college have a Diversity Club? If so, reach out to them. If not, consider establishing one and ask for support from the authorities to begin and run the club. Run a membership drive and through this club, reach out to other clubs to promote harmony and respect. In the workplace, ask for diversity consultants to come in and do some training.
- Initiate discussions in the classroom and workplace environments focused on sexism, racism, homophobia, bias, etc. Write up statements, understandings and action outcomes from such discussions and pin them up in prominent locations.
- Get creative. Make t-shirts that carry anti-discriminatory slogans on them; honor civil rights days with talks, badge wearing, posters, events, etc.; write a song or poem about the value of diversity and share it around; make posters about discrimination and prejudice, and so forth.
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5Ask other authorities to come in and talk about hateful behavior. If the authorities in your school, college or workplace won't do anything, show some initiative by asking those who are doing something to come in and talk to everyone. For example, ask your district attorney, police chief or someone who works in human rights in government to come and speak to everyone on the topic of human and civil rights and hate crimes and to discuss what is being done in your jurisdiction to prevent prejudice.- Invite motivational speakers in the fields of human or civil rights or persons who overcame bullying experiences to come to your school, college or workplace. Be sure to film their appearance so that it can be distributed on video sites such as YouTube to keep inspiring others and to be a source of information for authority figures in future.
- If you can, provide lunch as a way to encourage people to attend talks and to mingle, discussing the topics being spoken about.
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6Find a different community for yourself where you're not bullied and in which you can find social support. If you're a religious minority, find a religious group that suits you and join it. If you're an LGBT person, join an LGBT group or gay-straight alliance. Find people that don't treat you poorly and rely on them for support. Bullying also hurts less when you're socially more connected because you have other people to turn to and who can advise you on what to do.- Outside of finding good support networks or individuals, consider taking classes at another school, transferring or joining a group of people who enjoy the same hobby that you do or changing your job. When one group of people is treating you in a bad way, it doesn't mean all groups will treat you poorly; unfortunately, it may feel like this while you're being subjected to it, so getting away from the bullying-enabled environment is vital.
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7Recognize your rights and take legal action if it's applicable in your situation. For example, in the US, you have a right to an education, and if an administration at your public school allows bullying that interferes with this right, you probably have legal recourse. Groups to look into for support include the ACLU and Lambda Legal. Workplace bullying is not permitted in many jurisdictions either through legislation or policy, so seek legal advice on the rights you have as an employee.- See How to deal with workplace bullying and harassment for more information.
- In all cases of turning to authorities for help, be armed with the correct facts. While your feelings matter, it's also important that you are able to relay the correct facts so that authorities are able to respond to acts of prejudice and hate. If authorities suspect that you're unsure or unclear, this may be a reason that they're not able to support you.
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8Don't turn the abuse you receive from others inward. One of the unfortunate effects of bullying and stigma is that often those affected by it absorb the negative messages about themselves they get from others. Actively try to avoid this. Continue to take care of your health and emotional well-being. If you have thoughts of self harm as a result of your being bullied, seek out a supportive therapist or counselor. If you're in eminent danger of harming yourself, contact a suicide helpline, the Trevor Project, and or go to your nearest emergency room. No bully and no authority is worth taking your life for, ever.- Reach out to others going through the same experience as you. Support them and express your concern for them too, giving one another strength.
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Tips
- When dealing with bullying, finding ways to maintain self esteem are key. Reading books is one good, personal way to this, while discussing your concerns with a counselor or therapist may also be very helpful.
- Unfortunately, bullying can be rife in college or the adult world; it just takes on different characteristics that can make you feel it's more subtle although still as biting and hurtful. However, in these instances you may have more leeway to address the situation. If bullying in college is particularly bad or affects your grades, you might find it easier to transfer schools although this should only happen after following up existing avenues of support. If it occurs in your workplace, contact your human resources department or external counseling services if you feel you cannot trust human resources. Ultimately, you may need to get an employment lawyer if you find that everyone associated with your workplace is closing up.
- Unfortunately, there are many people who feel that bullying is justified, and work to enshrine such bullying in their local school codes and regulations. If you live in such a community, be prepared for an uphill battle should you choose to challenge those laws.
- Bullying can happen anywhere to anyone. Even in otherwise liberal or tolerant areas, bullying can still happen. Everyone's experience is unique, and you should not doubt someone from your community who claims to be bullied if you have not experienced that yourself.
- Fight back only if necessary (no choice).
- Remember that bullying is a function of where you are, the culture, and the people around you. When you go to another place or another school or move on in life, the bullying won't necessarily follow you.
- If somebody bullies you and there's no adult around, try ignoring, bullies usually want attention.
Warnings
- Take care of your mental well-being. Being mistreated by others can make you feel really badly about yourself, and if it gets to your head you should consider seeing a counselor or therapist. Seeing someone for counseling is not a sign of weakness.
- Make sure that you're physically safe, and report threats or violence towards you to the police.
Related wikiHows
Sources and Citations
- Goffman, E. (1963) Stigma. London: Penguin
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