Discussion:Be a Good Stepfather
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"Be a Good Stepfather" was or will be a featured article on 2012-06-06. If you see a way this article can be made even better, please feel free to edit it.
At 09:48, Aug 06, 2008
203.59.173.189 said:
At 21:50, Dec 02, 2009
140.32.107.150 said:
On item 24, I disagree. She will always choose the child? It's good advice that the stepdad should never put the mother in the position of choosing between the child and himself. But I'm not sure what the author is saying here, is it choosing or siding between them? If it's siding with one, it should always be with him in front of the child. My wife does that in front of my stepdaughter, even in cases where she may disagree with me somewhat (she'll address it with me privately). It helps the child see the stepdad as a parent and bolsters his position in the home.
Thought this was a very good list of attributes to have to be a good stepdad. Several more could be added. This is a list of what he can do, but a few things could be added of what the mother can do to build him up in front of the child. I think it's important also that the mother show respect for her husband in front of her children, that also helps the child see the stepdad in a parental role who is to be respected.
DJ
At 22:58, Feb 25, 2011
Jmac123 said:
You shouldn't have to be built up in front of the children by the mother. You are not the king, you are the stepdad and if a mother is caught up in a position where she needs to defend either the stepdad or the child it will and should ALWAYS be the child she defends. You should never put the mother in a referee position where she will need to choose. You are an adult and should act as such by not putting another in adult in a childish "pick me" situation, especially if it's you and not the kids doing this.
And it's not the mother's job to make sure you build a relationship with her child. That is up to you as not only the step father, but as a responsible caring adult.
At 21:21, Dec 11, 2011
108.211.254.164 said:
I sent this to my boyfriend of 5+ years. I doubt he will read it. I keep hoping he will be a "good person" in general but hoping seems to be all it is. Getting away is so difficult.
At 19:47, Jan 07, 2012
99.141.236.179 said:
Don't say "You knew what you were getting into by dating her" you obviously don't know how it feels nor have you dealt with it to give such an answer.
I can't tell you how to raise your child, "step" or "biological" just as an attempt to dictate an idea would prove your idea not to be the person I am. The idea that any idea to help a parent or step parent is personal and it comes from life expereience. Myself, I worked, learned and grew out of a broken family. Entered the Military at a young age (something I don't wish on any child) but from the bad came the good and I knew what to tell my children; "Your job is school, the rest I'll take care of. Do your best and you'll be rewarded beyond anything I can ever give you. One solid thought will always remain the same: No one can take away something you've learned, that's yours forever. I'm happy my twin step daughter's listened to me about life, biology, chemistry and all the paths I've helped encourage them but it's not a "Free Ride" they did the work with the knowledge they've aquired. Their own experience and hard work. I never wanted anything but recipricle love, your balance of theory is very scewed and debatable to the actual point of this generation expecting you, as a parent or "Step-Parent" owe then something is a farse. Putting yourself behind before you start is a complete set up. I urge you all to reconsider the "Ideas" presented on this page. Teach or be taught.
At 03:28, 10 February 2013
72.228.12.184 said:
Click here to go into edit mode and fix it up.
Seems like being a stepdad has a lot in common with being a good dad generally..
Not much was said about the possible relationship between the step-dad and biological father (especially when there's a 50 - 50 co-parenting situation).
If possible, its very desirable for the stepdad and bilogical father to develop open channels of communication.
While this can be initially difficult, it can be very valuable to all involved...
Jon Rose