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Autistic people tend to appear reclusive and withdrawn, making starting up a conversation with them a daunting task. However, it is far from impossible, and may make you a new friend.

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EditSteps

  1. Communicate With an Autist Step 1.jpg
    1
    Never approach an autistic person from behind or touch them without warning. Some autistic people startle easily due to sensory differences, and they may jump, panic, or cry. Approach them from the front, and let them see your hand if you are going to touch them.
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  2. Communicate With an Autist Step 2.jpg
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    Wait until it looks like they are interested in conversation. Notice their body language, and what they are doing at the moment. Here are some indicators that a person is available for chatting:
    • Looking around the area, with a neutral or happy expression.
    • Displaying open body language
    • Not deeply involved in something (e.g. a book, their laptop, a conversation)
    • Not staring intently into space (they may be thinking very hard about something, and interrupting them could derail their train of thought)
  3. Communicate With an Autist Step 3.jpg
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    Don't push eye contact. This can make autistic people feel uncomfortable, and make it harder for them to listen and form coherent thoughts. If this seems strange to you, try hanging out in a situation where eye contact feels less necessary to you, such as sitting side by side.
  4. Communicate With an Autist Step 4.jpg
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    Pick an interesting conversation starter. Autistic people tend to eschew small talk ("It's a sunny day today, isn't it?"), and often prefer more involved or relevant subjects of conversation. Try something that you have in common, such as a class you take or shared hobby. If the autistic person has a special interest, you can ask them about it (and be prepared to learn quite a bit!). If you've done this, you've broken the ice.
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EditTips

  • Remember, they're people too. Get over their shyness, and you might not have to go any further.
  • Be patient and polite.
  • Some autistic people don't understand personal space. Don't overreact if they get too close or too far.
  • Many autistic people don't understand sarcasm, idioms, or figures of speech very well. If they're confused, clarify politely and move on. Never mock an autistic person for not understanding.
  • Autistic people know themselves best. For example, an autistic person may say that she is fine with hugging and unexpected touch, but she can't handle loud music or crowded areas. When in doubt, ask.
  • Don't unexpectedly make physical contact. Instead, let them see it coming and give them time to decline it, or ask "Do you want a hug?" before hugging. If the autistic person declines, don't take it personally. Sometimes hugs feel overwhelming due to sensory issues, and verbal affection and support work better.
  • Don't be put off if they suddenly get distracted or upset. For example, they maybe have wiggled their toes, which caused the seam of their socks to rub against their feet. This can be very upsetting if they have sensory processing problems. To them, it might feel like their feet are on fire; do not patronize them or write it off. Ask them if something's wrong, and don't scoff at it.
  • Autistic people with sensory problems often perceive all stimulus at the same level. It might not even be a minor annoyance to you, but it can be very disorienting for them. Someone mowing the lawn down the block is just as loud as someone shouting right next to them, a tag rubbing on their neck is just as painful as having their skin scraped off, a small flashing light might blot out the sun, a dot of mustard might feeling like a mouth full of it, or a faint waft of perfume is just as bad is standing in an enclosed sewer system. They might have problems with some, but not all of these. To use an actual example, loud noises cause them to panic, a touch makes them unable to speak, and a smell might make them vomit, but they could stare for hours at a screen of flashing colors and are indifferent to taste. It varies from person to person.

EditWarnings

  • Never tease an autistic person. They may have unusual mannerisms, special interests, or comprehension abilities, but that does not make it okay to make fun of them.

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Article Info

Categories: Interacting with Autistic People

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