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In-laws aren't every one's favorite. But, Holidays + In-Laws = Stress, as we see them most around the holidays. Hopefully these tips will help make this holiday season or any family occasion a little more stress free.


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EditSteps

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    Know your In-family. Some things we may take offense at are just their habits or their family culture. Get to know them, ask your spouse about those little things that annoy you about his/her family. Knowledge is the key. Once we understand something we are more likely to be accepting.
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    Communicate. Communication is ever so important. Once we know what is expected of us it is less likely that we disappoint them and not know why. Ask "Mom, what can I do to help?" or "What would you like me to take care of?" or "Is there anything you need or want of me?". At the same time, be practical with their demands. If you feel they are demanding too much you can let them know in a polite way or just make them understand your problem or just say "I will try my best". When you ask those questions they know you are willing to jump in and be a part and are likely to ask you to participate. If they don't ask you to do anything just know you asked, they declined and they have no reason to be upset so just let it go.
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    Tolerate. Sometimes this is hard but be tolerant, yes Aunt Mae is on her 5th marriage and it's not really what we want to hear about or someone we want to sit next to, but it's only for a short while. Remind yourself "This too shall pass" Maybe having a nice relaxing event just for you or you and your spouse to look forward to for making it through family time might be a good idea. A massage, a nice dinner out, a kid free weekend are all good ideas to help relax and reward yourself for not throwing peas into Uncle Randy's toupee.
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    Have an Escape route. With children this is especially important. Have a phrase or a secret word that you and your spouse have for letting each other know - ITS TIME TO GO NOW - this can be useful in an embarrassing situation, a situation where someone is offended and needs to step out, or when the babies are tired and fussy. The feeling of being stuck at your parents or theirs can be very stressful. Make sure you always have a way out.
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    Research. Do a little research before going to the reunion or dinner. Ask someone with whom you get along with how everyone is, and who's doing what. It can be as simple as a phone conversation to cousin Ann. This will help you to have something to say other than "So Betty, how are ya?" you can say instead "Betty, I hear you've started a community garden club. Tell me how is that going?"
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    Always bring something. It's just nice. Even if you are told not to. And if you are traveling it can be hard to come 400 miles (640 km) with a baked pie in your hands. Pick up a fruit basket, a nice festive plant, flowers or a bottle of wine. Chocolate, or foreign packaged cookies are great for intercontinental travelers. It says you care, and you're not a mooch. Even if you are told not to. It's always nice and you'll be remembered well for it.
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    Be honest. If they want to talk about something that is personal and you aren't comfortable just say so, "uh, Bob, we're not ready to share about that if that's okay. But I am so glad you care. thanks." is a fine way to let them know you don't care to talk about it. Keep in mind (in most cases) they aren't trying to run your life- they just really care.
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    'Alternate!. It helps take the stress off both you and your spouse if you alternate holidays!

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EditTips

  • A nice smile and a good appearance are noticed more than you might think.
  • Don't complain about your in-laws in front of your spouse.
  • Have a good time.
  • Posing for pictures is the nice thing to do.

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Article Info

Categories: Stub | In Laws

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