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  1. Pinned Tweet

    Just a reminder that anyone can unfollow me for any reason at any time without weirdness or butthurtedness. Make twitter yours.

  2. Just found a black widow spider living under our bed yep this is definitely my origin story now.

  3. The clown emoji is worse than when my parents got divorced.

  4. Man, what the hell?

  5. I have so many Hatchimals I'm literally throwing all these extra ones into the trash lol.

  6. I just found a black widow spider living under the toilet seat so that's my origin story.

  7. After a great deal of soul-searching and earnest introspection I have come to the realization that I prefer pullover hoodies to zip-ups.

  8. I paid $8 for in-flight wifi so I could answer two questions about the English muffin I had for breakfast this morning.

  9. A lot of people online irresponsibly speculating that I didn't have an English muffin for breakfast this morning but guess what?

  10. Matt lost his phone and I just watched a guy casually throw up into an airport trashcan and then continue on his way. Vegas, baby!!

  11. The Crown makes Downton Abbey seem like Game of Thrones.

  12. I love Christmas time in LA when winter hits and the temperatures plummet to the low 60s...

  13. Today: [person asks me about literally anything at all in the known universe] Me: Yes, I have been nominated for a Grammy.

  14. BLINK-182 NOMINATED FOR BEST ROCK ALBUM THIS IS THE BEST MORNING EVER!!

  15. Up since 3:30am. Get up and begin the day? Go back to sleep? Read a book? Netflix? Question fabric of life? Make coffee? Watch snapchat? Bre

  16. Bug fixes and improvements.

  17. At the end of Westworld, Sawyer called Kate "Freckles," and they agreed they had to go back to the island and that it wasn't Penny's boat.

  18. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

  19. i took her out // it was Black Friday niiight i bought cologne // at a discounted price

  20. . Pokemon Moon is the first time I used a grass-type starter instead of water-type.

  21. 🎅🏿🎅🏽🎅🏻🎅🏾 are all 👍. Isn't that what the season, and by extension, the world is about? Peace on earth, goodwill toward men?

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