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  1. 置顶推文
    2018年11月6日

    Me: [print] Printer: You're low on ink Me: What? I just bought ink P: You're low on magenta Me: I want to print in black P: You need magenta Me: wtf I just need black & black is full P: magennnnta Me: [buys and installs $30 magenta cartridge] Me: [print] P: So, about your cyan

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  2. 1分钟前

    Can't. Busy throwing away all my restaurant coupons that are valid for dine-in only.

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  3. 5分钟前

    Me: [posting senior High School photo on Facebook] Child: What's that? Me: My high school senior photo. Child: You were actually good looking. Me: Um. Thanks? Child: What happened?

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  4. 转推了
    11小时前

    Ok so we’re all in agreement that a dozen should mean 12 of something? [Baker kick’s down the door] not so fast

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  5. 转推了
    22小时前

    Grandpa: “We hid from the pogroms in a root cellar for 2 weeks and ate a live horse to survive, but sure, you go ahead and tell me all about your gluten thingy.”

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  6. 转推了
    1小时前

    Watching my jerk neighbor realize he left his car windows open overnight during a downpour was a nice treat this morning.

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  7. 1小时前

    Govt: We need you to stay 6 feet away from people. Me: Okay. Work: We need you to work from home. Me: Okay. Trash company: We need you to bag your recyclables. Me: UGGGHH

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  8. 2小时前

    I miss you so much it hurts. - sticky note I put on the windshield of my kids school bus

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  9. 3小时前

    Me: I’m bored. Mother Nature: Oooh how about some 50 mph winds today? Me: [spends 5 hours chasing my trash barrels around the neighborhood]

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  10. 转推了
    14小时前

    Why use a coloring book when this ENTIRE house can be my canvas?! ~Toddlers

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  11. 转推了
    12小时前

    After all the chocolate I ate today, you’d be glad that social distancing is a thing.

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  12. 3小时前

    Me: Do you have any homework? Child: All school work is homework right now. Me: You are a prodigy.

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  13. 17小时前

    On the bright side I don’t have to yell at people to get out of my house on holidays.

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  14. 22小时前

    Getting curbside pickup from Texas Roadhouse just like on the very first Easter

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  15. 转推了
    23小时前

    her: what are you doing? me: dying eggs :) fertility doctor: YOU NEED TO LEAVE

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  16. 转推了
    4月11日

    Today my 7yo realized that Easter is a religious holiday. Her reaction was: "What?? Don't tell me.. it's Jesus's half birthday...." No DNA test needed, she's mine.

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  17. 23小时前

    DOES ANYONE KNOW IF CHURCH DOES CURBSIDE PICKUP FOR THOSE WAFER THINGS?

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  18. 23小时前

    99.9% of watching the kids find Easter eggs is trying to remember where the hell you hid them in the first place.

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  19. 4月12日

    I'm sure 4 kids fighting about who found the most eggs at 7 am is exactly what Jesus planned for today.

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  20. 4月12日

    Wife: I think it’s time we told her that the Easter Bunny and Santa aren’t real. Me: Okay. [later] Me: Hey. Child: What? Me: Your mother wants to tell you something.

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  21. 转推了
    4月11日

    Dance like you just stuck the arm of your sunglasses up your nose.

    撤销

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